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“What the fuck is wrong with you”. The door slammed shut behind him. Yuta had never seen him so angry.
“Wrong with what”, he answered, worn out.
“Wrong with what? You have to be kidding. You almost snap at me in front of all our fans”.
“Fuck off, Taeil”. Yuta tried to reach the door, but the short man grabbed his shirt by the sleeve, getting even angrier. “Don’t you dare open that fucking door, Nakamoto Yuta”.
The aforementioned turned to him, watching his face burning in fury, ready to throw a tantrum the second he grabbed the doorknob. “Look, I don’t know why you are acting so weird, but I don’t have time for your bullshit, I have work to do, choreos to memorize and songs to practice. Let go of me”. Yuta tried to free himself from the oldest’s grab, but the grip got even tighter.
“Why do you hate me?”
Those words caught Yuta off guard as if he’d been slapped with the force of a hurricane. “You must be on crack. Let go of me, Taeil, I’ve had enough of this and of you”. He tried to get the other’s hand off his sleeve once again, but pain went all over his face when Taeil slapped him for real, this time. His first instinct was to return the hit, but when he saw the oldest boy, only tears were falling down his eyes, no more burning anger. “T-Taeil?”, he stuttered.
Words were shot like a bullet. “You know what? Leave. Just leave and don’t you dare look at me again. I tried, God knows I tried to get on well with you, but every time it hasn’t even mattered. I looked up to you, for fuck’s sake, how much I’ve always looked up to you”, the short boy laughed amidst his tears, a sarcastic laugh all over the room that drenched Yuta’s soul with poison. “You were always so mature, so sensible. Even if you’re younger than me, I’ve always felt you had something I lacked. You tackled sensitive issues with such logic… And on-stage, your charisma could be felt from two miles apart. It didn’t matter how many lines I got, I never had half the fans you easily gathered, and what’s better, I never got jealous. Not even once. I was always happy for you, because your hard work, your efforts, had their reward now.”
Silence filled the room, then. A deep, black silence, one that would choke your throat until you felt you couldn't breathe, one so deep that the most anxious words remained untold by the fear of breaking it. Yuta felt it deep beneath his skin, lodged in his heart, heavy as a rock.
Taeil wiped his tears, finally letting go of Yuta. “I am an idiot. Every time I tried to approach you, I got paid dust. And I can’t go on with this anymore. I tried, not for me, but for the fans. It’s useless, though.” He reached for the door and grabbed the knob without opening. “I know you’re in love with Winwin, so just… enjoy”. Yuta shivered at the sound of that name. “Stop”, he mumbled almost inaudibly. “If you don’t want me to interfere in your relationship, I swear I won’t”. Yuta felt the anger building up inside of him. “Stop”, he said, louder this time, but still not enough to shut the other up. “I’m sorry if I ever confused any of you with my actions. I’m really sorry, I-“
“STOP, YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD”.
Taeil got startled at the sudden yell.
“Cut your bullshit, Moon Taeil, because the only reason I’ve been trying to avoid you from the start it’s because I’ve always loved you”.
Yuta’s gaze pierced through Taeil’s heart, a gaze filled with sorrow and guilt. “Excuse me, w-what?” Taeil managed to ask in return. “You know how hard it was for me when Hansol left both, SM and me. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love so wildly as I did with him. The pain, the hole in my heart that didn’t even let me breathe, I won’t ever forget any of them. And still, your soft voice calmed my inner demons. When I thought I wasn’t enough, when everything was on the brink of collapsing and falling down, your voice was like an anchor that kept me sane.”
Taeil collected himself and kept an impassive expression. “And what about Winwin?”
Yuta laughed, a sad and weak laugh. “I thought you liked him, so I tried to make him like me instead. I’d never been so petty, not ever in my entire life. You changed me, Taeil. For the better and for the worse, but none of that is your fault. I will understand if you leave now, to be honest, I'm not worth your time anymore.” Unlike the words he’d just said, the one leaving was actually him, putting his hand over Taeil’s and finally opening the door. When he was about to pass through it, though, he stopped himself and turned one last time.
“I would probably hate myself even more if I left without asking…” Yuta’s shimmering eyes stared at Taeil’s, apologetic. “Do I stand any chance with you?”
“You did”. Taeil looked at Yuta’s eyes, his lips, the tears running through his perfectly sculpted face.
“What about now?”
Taeil looked at his eyes once again before answering.