Chapter Text
Waking up next to a loved one was supposed to be something to be happy over, at least that was what Logan thought upon cracking open his eyes as the light filtered through his curtains creating a haze of warm light that washed across his room in slanted angels. He was supposed to be happy upon seeing the tousled hair sticking up in every which direction, according to movies he was supposed to snuggle closer and bury his fingers into that hair like he had done last night, as he kissed the back of his lover’s neck.
That’s what he was supposed to do, and that’s exactly how he was supposed to feel.
His legs felt as if they had been fused to the bed the longer that he gazed upon the steady rise and fall of his bed partner’s chest, the light from his window bathing such a beautiful chest in warm honey colors. He was supposed to smile, he knew that much for certain, according to the movies he was supposed to wake up his lover with his own trailing fingers. He was supposed to kiss them awake, to press butterfly kisses all over their stomach, chest, and face until his lover’s...no his bed partner’s eyes fluttered open with an equally happy look. He was supposed to be feeling a lot of good emotions right now.
Fear, was not one of those things.
It took what felt like forever before he finally sat up, his legs moving around as if someone had secured cinderblocks to the bottoms of his feet. Then again, he did suppose that they both had quite the exercise last night. Just the mere memories of how he’d arched under those hands, under the lips that had made him cry out and beg for things he’d never ever begged for made him wilt in shame. He’d lost control last night, he’d completely and utterly lost it in...his presence.
I need to get out of here. Was his one and only thought as he dragged his legs over the edge of the bed, the faster he got his clothes on the faster he could get the hell out of there and pretend like nothing had happened. The easier it would be as well, to pretend, to lie, and to make sure that this lapse in judgment couldn’t be used against him. He wouldn’t dare let it happen again, not now and not ever.
Even just thinking that however, Logan couldn’t help the lump that formed in his throat. He would have been a fool to deny the fact that he had actually enjoyed it, he had never felt so whole before. With his body arching and writhing alongside someone else, someone who had told him before the whole thing had started, that he had his back. He had enjoyed being with a partner who...hadn’t made him feel ashamed for not knowing what to do, he had liked it. And now…Now he had to go on acting like it had never even happened.
Logan found his boxers on one of the corner lamps from where it had been tossed the night before, his tie was still hanging on the headboard of the bed. While his shirt and pants had been carelessly strewn on the opposite side of the room. The collar of his shirt hanging from the big toe of his bed partner, as he remained fast asleep quick little snores leaving those barely parted lips.
He looked so lovely asleep, all of his worry lines falling away, the crinkling at the corner of his eyes smoothing out. He looked years younger, like they had all just fallen away the moment that his partner had closed his eyes. Now more than ever he felt the urge to stick his fingers through that hair, to mess it up, to tug and pull at it. To press a kiss against the edge of those lips. He wanted nothing more than to do that, and yet…
He knew better than to hope for the impossible.
Logan was a lot of things, but a fool he was not. He knew the teasing biting remarks would come, he knew that once his bed partner had woken up he would want Logan to leave, or perhaps he’d want to bring it to the other’s attention, he'd mock Logan, he’d...attempt to hurt him with his lapse of logic. He’d..he’d… He honestly didn’t know just what he would do, but the fear that tugged at his heart, the strings of shame and anxiety that gripped at him made it more than clear.
Logan wasn’t a fool, and he wasn’t going to be made one either. He was going to leave on his own terms, and with a smidgen of the pride, he could still cling to. He would lie, and he would lie.
Until the point that it did not hurt to do so anymore.
Buttoning up his shirt shouldn’t have been as hard as it was, and tying his tie even more so. His fingers trembled and shook with each button, to the point where he just left the top two undone and left his tie as it was. Merely hanging around his neck, untied and loosely swaying back and forth. A soft groan made his gaze snap on over to the man that still laid in the bed, his face buried itself into the silken covers of his pillow. He was about to wake up, so if Logan was going to do this he was going to have to do it now or never. Never wasn’t really an option for him, it never had been before and so it wasn’t going to be now.
Leaning over, his heart lodged firmly in the center of his chest felt as if it were cracking open, spilling all of its fluids inside of him. It hurt, but it was going to be something he would have to handle. He could handle pain, he had before in the past and judging by that he could most certainly do it now. So leaning over the other who’s arm sleepily reached out to where Logan had once been sleeping, Logan tucked a stray lock of his partner’s hair behind his ear before leaning in just a little more. Close enough that he could smell the shampoo that his partner used, along with the scent of the body wash that had filled his nose the night before.
Just the smell of it brought back the intense memories of the night before. Loving kisses peppered up his chest before their mouths sealed together in a hot searing kiss. Logan’s fingers tangling in his hair, tugging and pulling at it as a helpless but wanting moan fell from his ravaged swollen lips. How his legs had hooked around his partner’s waist, begging for both more and less at the same time. The warm comforting hands that held him up when Logan’s own bones would no longer support him, those same hands that dragged a blanket over the both of them. A final goodnight kiss, pressing against his brow.
His lips barely grazed over his cheeks, a tiny but final kiss as he pulled away. Logan didn’t dare to open his mouth, to say a single thing for fear of waking the other. But his face and the expression in his eyes hidden behind thickly framed glasses said it all as he stepped back. Slowly sinking down as the body of his partner turned over in bed, seeking out Logan’s warmth, even if he was no longer there to hold a place in his bed. The tears that welled up within Logan’s eyes said it all, all and so much more. More than Logan would ever admit to himself or out loud.
Goodbye, Deceit.