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Magnus’ legs trembled as he made his way across the kitchen to the tea kettle on the stove. He was wearing warm, fluffy socks with soft thick sweatpants and a big baggy sweater that still smelled like Alexander. Yet, he was cold. His skin shivered under his clothes, no matter how high the thermostat had been turned up and no matter how many layers he put on.
When Magnus had dragged himself from Edom and back into their world; he hadn’t fully understood the consequences of what had happened to him, of what he had given up. He had thought of nothing but Alec and Jace. He thought of nothing but getting there and saving them, of fixing everything. Then, when he’d finally raced around the corner, his heart pounding in his chest, his lungs screaming for oxygen; He’d seen his lover on the ground with an arrow in his chest.
There were few things in the world that would haunt Magnus until the day that he died and that was one of them. They’d raced back to the Institute. Catarina was there somehow. Magnus must have called her but he didn’t remember it. He didn’t remember a lot of what happened after that. Clary was gone. They couldn’t find Jace or Simon. Something about the Institute’s alarms going off, something about the Clave, something about the city in ruins.
Magnus only remembered sitting next to Alec. It took nearly twelve hours for him to wake up. He sat there the whole time, staring blankly. He held Alec’s hand. He thought of nothing at all. Alec was okay. He understood that and anything else about what was going on was outside of his comprehension.
Catarina was going to set up the wards at his loft since his had certainly fallen when Magnus’ magic stopped being there to fuel them. Magnus nodded but he didn’t actually hear her. Later, he asked who had done it and didn’t remember that she had told him at all. Isabelle brought him coffee at some point. Magnus remembered that she had looked awful. She was still in her armor. She was covered in blood, both demon blood and the sick red color of their own. Magnus couldn’t remember if they had spoken or not. He couldn’t remember what had been said if they had.
Magnus didn’t even remember what he told Alec when he woke up. Later, when they had gone home, Alec had known what Magnus had done. Had Magnus told him? How had he said it? Had Cat somehow told him, knowing that Magnus would not? He had no clue and he didn’t ask.
It didn’t really matter how Alec found out. That had been nearly half a year ago now.
They hadn’t know if Magnus was mortal or not, not right away. It took a few months of Cat coming to look at his blood sample and his skin cells to really know. He was. His cells were dividing and multiplying and even if he couldn’t feel it yet, his hair was growing. He’d have to clip his fingernails. He’d age. Lines would stretch from in his skin as it sagged. His hair would lose color. He’d die someday. He’d always know that he was going to die but now it was concrete, now it was finite. His life was no longer some ever reaching cord, ending somewhere but that somewhere being so absolutely incalculable, that somewhere being a hundred years off, three hundred, five hundred. Now, Magnus would die within the next fifty years. Sixty, if he was lucky. His cord had been cut and limited.
Then, he had gotten sick. He just felt a little unwell at first. He was tired a lot. He slept in so much more than he used too but that hadn’t really been concerning. He had just become mortal. He was struggling. They all were. It didn’t seem abnormal that he would sleep in, that he would be tired more often. He had a fever, just a small one but one that Alec made him take aspirin for (after he had frantically asked Clary what mundanes did when they didn’t feel good).
Finally, there had been the pain. Magnus was in pain a lot, just small aches in his bones that he ignored at first. They got worse though. It was no longer something that he could just ignore and brush off as something his magic had kept him from feeling before. Now, they were strong, throbbing pains. Pains so sharp that when they hit he’d freeze where he was standing and gasp out.
Alec had called Cat and asked her to come look at him. Magnus hadn’t wanted him too. He told Alec that he was worrying over nothing. Even Cat hadn’t been worried at first. She’d come through the door, smiling, bursting in with warm hugs and the familiar smell of vanilla. Of course, Alec was worrying about nothing because nothing could seriously be wrong with Magnus Bane.
It hadn’t been nothing though. She had touched him and instantly, the smile on her face had drained away. She didn’t look upset. She hadn’t fully processed it to be able to look upset but Magnus could tell that something was wrong. He didn’t even need her to say it.
He couldn’t even remember if they had said the word cancer that day or if that conversation that had come later. They both understood though. Maybe, it was a warlock thing or maybe, Magnus just knew her enough to be able to tell that it was something terrible.
That had been about two months ago. Now, he was sicker than even the cancer had made him in the beginning. Now, he was on chemo and radiation; though, the chemo they could do from home. Cat was a doctor and a warlock. She could pull some strings. The radiation they had to do at an actual hospital though. Magnus hated that.
The kettle screamed on the stove as it finally heated up and Magnus pulled it off the burner and slowly poured it into his cup. His hands shook and the kettle felt heavier than it ever had before but he was able to pour it. It felt like weeks since he actually had made his own tea. Alec always did it for him. He did everything for him now.
It bothered Magnus a little bit. It bothered him a lot actually. It felt good to stand, even freezing as he was, on shaking legs with trembling fingers in the kitchen, making himself tea. Magnus wished Alec would let him do it for himself more but that was his way of dealing with it. That’s what made Alec feel better, that's what made him feel like he had control of this situation. As if he could fix it all if he just stopped Magnus from having to do anything for himself ever.
Today, Alec had to run to the Institute though. He was still the head, though the past few months he had hardly been there. Izzy and Jace picked up all the slack and did everything that needed to be done in person. Alec did all the paperwork from home. It was a nice system, actually. Izzy and Jace got to do the fun stuff, while Alec did the part of the job they didn’t want too.
Magnus lifted the tea bag absently, bobbing it in and out of the water. After a moment, he shifted and leaned against the counter. He’d go sit down in a second. If Alec was home, he’d have made him but Magnus let the ache in his bones grow as he stood there longer. He’d probably need a nap before bed tonight. He had only been awake for a few hours and he already felt exhausted.
He was exhausted all the time now.
Magnus lifted the cup to his chapped lips and sighed.
It had been a long time since he’d been alone. Even on the rare occasions that Alec had to leave, he always made sure that someone came over. Of course, he didn’t say that. He never said he was having someone come sit with him, he knew that that would upset him. Someone just... Stopped by, right as Alec was leaving. It was Jace or Isabelle, more often than not. Sometimes it was Tessa. They’d just happened to come by to visit, right when Alec had to leave.
Magnus didn’t protest. He didn’t think that it was much use. It made Alec feel better to know that someone was with Magnus. So, Magnus let it happen, even if it bothered him.
Today though, Magnus had woken up to Alec kissing his head, saying he’d only be gone for a half an hour and then he’d be back. Someone was at the Institute or something. Alec had seemed worried. Magnus would ask him about it when he got back. It made him happy when Alec had problems that weren’t just him.
Magnus eased himself off the counter, the teacup held tightly in one hand. He made his way across the kitchen, taking slow easy steps. The last thing he wanted to do was drop his tea and give Alec even more incentive to think he could never leave him alone.
He sighed softly when his feet met the soft touch of the living room carpet. Even with his thick socks on, the cold tile of the kitchen managed to bleed through. He eased himself into the recliner because it was easier to get on and off of it by himself. The last thing he needed to do was lay on the couch and not be able to get up if he needed to go to the bathroom or something.
He could take some of his pain meds now. It had been more than four hours. He could feel the pain coming back too. It was bearable now but it was just going to get worse if he let it go. Alec could always tell. He always made sure that he took his pills when he was in pain.
Sometimes, Magnus liked to wait though. He couldn’t really explain it. He just liked to wait until he could barely handle it and then take his pills and have to wait a little longer for them to kick in.
Magnus stretched out and closed his eyes without bothering to take them, the warm cup resting in his hand against his chest. He didn’t remember falling asleep but when he opened his eyes again, Alec was there. He was leaning over him, gently taking the teacup from Magnus’ limp hands. The second he saw that his eyes were open, he leaned over again and pressed his lips against Magnus’ head. “I would have made you tea when I got back.”
Magnus wanted to laugh. Of course, that's the first thing he said. It wasn’t very funny. “I did it fine myself.” He insisted quietly, trying to blink the lingering sleepiness away.
Alec pressed his lips together for a moment, obviously unconvinced. He didn’t say that though and after a moment, he smiled softly, nodding. “I know you did-” Magnus knew he did not. “How are you feeling? Have you take anything this morning?”
Magnus sighed softly and reached forward, pulling Alec’s hand closer to his as he closed his eyes once again. He hated this part of it. He hated that this was already their first conversation; When they woke up, when Alec got home, when Magnus woke up and Alec was already awake. How is he feeling, is he in pain, does he feel like he has cancer?
Magnus opened his eyes and shook his head no. Alec made that face again as he reached forward to grab his pills off the coffee table a few feet away; that displeased press of his lips that words never accompanied. Magnus thought he must think he was good at hiding it, his disapproval whenever Magnus didn’t take his pills, whenever he did anything that Alec could have done for him, whenever he exercised his right as a person to feel pain.
“Here.” Magnus took the pills that Alec held out obediently. He did need them and he hated that. It had gotten worse in the twenty minutes that he’d been asleep. He could feel it throbbing in his legs now, sharp flashes of pain that ran up his body regardless of how he tried to move to appease them.
He hated that this was his life now. He hated how dramatically he and Alec’s relationship had changed. It was no fault of Alexander. Alec was perfect. He tried to make Magnus happy. He took care of him. He was there for him whenever he needed him.
Maybe, Magnus just missed the normalcy of being forgotten about every once in a while; of having to walk to the Institute because Alec was too wrapped up in his work and missed dinner, of having to call Isabelle and make sure Alec had come back from the mission he’d gone on because Alec had passed out in his old bedroom the second he’d gotten there and forgotten to call him, of having Alec stare at him with concerned, guilty eyes as he frantically apologize for whatever it was he had missed.
Alec never forgot about anything anymore. He made sure Magnus took his pills whenever he needed too. He made sure they made it to his appointments. He made sure Magnus was eating. Even stupid things now, Alec kept track of. He made sure that they watched Magnus’ favorite show every Sunday, even though Alec didn’t like it. He made sure that he reminded him that he wanted to call Tessa that day or Cat or one of his old colleagues. Magnus wasn’t sure but he almost felt like Alec wrote down everything that he mentioned, just to make sure he didn’t forget.
He appreciated it. He really did. Alec was the best thing that had ever happened to him and even without his magic, even dealing with all of this, Alec was there for him every step of the way. Sometimes, Magnus just missed the autonomy of forgetting about something important he was supposed to do, of forgetting to call someone back or forgetting about a meeting or even forgetting to turn on the TV at eight and exclaiming hours later that he had missed the final.
Magnus sighed softly as he swallowed the hard capsules. “What happened this morning?” He asked after a long moment. Alec’s eyes flickered in concern. He could see Magnus thinking. He could see the look on his face and the gloom in his eyes but after a moment he answered without comment. Magnus was thankful for it.
“It was nothing- someone set the alarms off and had everyone in a panic until we found out that it was a false alarm.” Alec rolled his eye softly and leaned into the recliner, finally settling himself against the armrest.
Magnus squirmed to move over instantly, giving Alec room to press himself in next to him even if it hurt him to move that way. The pills would kick in soon. Magnus hoped at least. He ground his teeth to keep the expression off his face. He really should have taken them sooner. It was almost agonizing now. Alec didn't need to know that though.
Alec smiled and moved into the space Magnus had made, wrapping his arm around Magnus’ shoulders to hold him closer. Alec had always been a bit more muscular than Magnus was. Magnus was toned and fit but Alec was bulkier. His arms were always a little bigger than Magnus and they always fit so perfectly around him.
Magnus had lost so much weight now. He was sure that Alec felt the sharp edges of his bones sticking into his arm. He was basically all bones now.
“Did Andrew set it off?” Magnus finally asked when the pain eased back and he found himself able to speak again.
Alec made a soft surprised noise in the back of his throat. “He did.” He murmured, sounding surprised. Magnus almost smirked to himself. Alec hadn’t told him about Andrew. Alec hadn’t complained to him about his problems in a while now. Maybe, he thought he couldn’t anymore. Magnus had heard him talking with Jace about it in the kitchen when he’d thought Magnus had been asleep. “How’d you know that?”
“Heard you talking about it with Jace.” He wanted to ask him why he hadn’t come home and complained to him about it. He wanted to ask why he had told him that his day was good when it clearly hadn’t been. He wanted to ask when exactly Alec had shifted to thinking that he couldn’t talk to Magnus about what was bothering him. That wouldn’t help anyone though. Alec would just feel bad and it might even make it worse. Maybe, he’d be more careful about making sure Magnus didn’t hear him. “Is he any better now? Did he start doing his paperwork?”
Alec didn’t answer for a moment and Magnus wanted to beg him. He wanted to open his mouth and beg him to just complain to him, to just bitch about the stupid things he had to deal with, to complain about something, anything.
“No-” Alec groaned softly. “I told him specifically that he needed to fill out the mission reports before this morning and he didn’t even start them.”
Magnus’ mouth flickered into a smile at Alec’s annoyed tone. It had been so long since he’d heard Alec sound so irritated. Magnus almost felt like a bad boyfriend for being so happy at the sound of it. “Oh, I’m sure you ripped him a new one.”
Alec scoffed, “No, not yet. I just wanted to come home and spend the day with you.” Alec pressed his lips against Magnus’ head again. His pills were starting to kick in now. The pain was ebbing away slowly and with every second, Magnus leaned more and more into Alec’s chest, his eyes slowly falling shut.
Magnus hummed in response. “Tomorrow though?” He asked without opening his eyes, without even realizing he had closed them in the first place.
Alec chuckled and Magnus felt it through his chest, the warm vibration tickling the side of his face that was pressed against his shirt. Magnus smiled into it, a soft content sigh coming from his lips.
“Oh, trust me- tomorrow if Jace says he still hadn’t turned them in, I’ll march down there and tear him apart.” Magnus knew that Alec probably wouldn't. He wouldn't leave Magnus for something as stupid as that, even as much as a nuisance the new recruit seemed to be. He’d tell Jace to yell at him or demote him or whatever but he wouldn’t go down there.
Magnus was okay with that though, at least for now. “My tough boyfriend.” He murmured.
Magnus didn’t hear what Alec said in response. He could just feel him talking through his chest and he could feel Alec’s hand, gently rubbing at his aching back. Things had been hard, ever since they had found out. They were both struggling to deal with how dramatically their lives had changed and eventually, they’d have a conversation about how much Magnus just needed Alec to talk to him and bitch and be angry and be open with him, even if Magnus was sick, even if he was in pain.
They’d work on it together but for now, Magnus had made himself tea. He’d gotten up without Alec fretting over him and done something by himself. He’d gotten Alec to complain to him a little bit and now, he was falling asleep against Alec’s chest, warm and mostly without pain.
It had been a good morning, comparatively.