Chapter Text
If Will is being completely honest with himself, he’s not even that surprised that Carrie ends up pregnant after their first year of college. He’s aware they haven’t been as careful with protection as they could have been. Having been together for almost two years and talking about having a family one day in the future is not an excuse to slack off. The fact that Will knows all this and can remember the times he made the conscious decision to forego a condom doesn’t really help, especially when he’s sitting on the couch in Carrie’s parents’ fancy living room and her father is giving him a very stern look.
But in truth, Will doesn’t regret it. He thinks about this when he lies awake that night after telling Carrie’s parents. Carrie is asleep, snoring slightly as she lies on her back, one of her hands curling under Will’s pillow. She has been crying a lot lately, so Will can understand she’s exhausted and out like a light before 11 PM.
Will has always wanted a family of his own. Ever since he was little, he remembers dreaming about being a dad one day, even before he dreamed about becoming a doctor. He remembers asking for a doll for his seventh birthday, then carrying it around like a real baby for God knows how long. He volunteered at the local daycare when he was thirteen, worked there part time through high school. Will likes to think that he can be his truest self when he’s around small children.
When Carrie told him last week that she thinks she might be pregnant, Will cried a little. Not because he was scared (of course he was scared, he was terrified, still is), but because he was so surprised. Carrie was beside herself, and Will knows there’s still a part of her that wants an abortion, but Will is ready. Not ready to be a parent, that will come later, but he is ready to learn how.
(Even if Will wasn’t he would have to be. Mr. and Mrs. Van Ness were very clear about that. Abortion is not an option for them. Will thinks it’s totally unfair, and also none of their business, since it should be Carrie’s choice, and hers alone. But secretly, inside his own head, he can’t help but be a little glad.)
In the following eight months, Will stands by Carrie through every fit of morning sickness and every back pain, every hormonal outburst and weird craving. He goes with her to antenatal classes and reads parenting books, takes extra shifts at the daycare to pay for a bigger apartment, assembles a cradle on his own and paints the nursery green. When Carrie says she’s scared and can’t do this, Will holds her through her tears and tells her she’s strong and not alone. When Will wakes up in the middle of the night with his heart beating too fast and covered in cold sweat, he takes out an ultrasound picture and looks at it until he’s calm again.
Carrie’s labor starts in the middle of the night in February. Will doesn’t leave her side, not even when her father more or less orders him to. He holds her hand, not once complaining about her holding on too tight, just telling her she’s doing a good job and that he’s proud of her.
Cassandra Naomi Solace is born late on Valentine’s Day. She’s smaller than most babies Will has held, and a lot redder. Will sits on the edge of Carrie’s bed and cradles his daughter to his chest like the treasure that she is, and he allows himself to cry for the first time in eight months. Carrie is exhausted, but she looks as happy as you can expect, and Will is so proud of her.
Mr. Van Ness doesn’t find a thing to be mad about once he takes a look at Cassandra. Will thinks that to be a great accomplishment. Mrs. Van Ness sheds a few tears, pats Will’s cheek and says, “You did well.” It seems like an odd thing to say, when Will thinks about it, but he takes it as a sign of approval. Not a big one, but a sign all the same.
Will accepts the money Carrie’s parents give them to help taking care of Cassandra. He stays in the hospital long enough to see both of his girls fall asleep, longer than he is supposed to, and buys a ring on his way home. For a moment everything seems to fall into place.
But that’s only part of why the accident two months later breaks Will’s heart.
Cassandra is just a little over three years old when Will needs to put her to day care. With Mr. and Mrs. Van Ness’ encouragement, he has gone back to his classes, and he simply can not take Sandra with him, no matter how much he wants to keep her close. Mr. Van Ness gets her a spot from the same kindergarten Carrie went to when she was little and tells Will he will pay for the first year, but Will doesn’t want her in a big, polished, impersonal complex where she needs to wear a uniform. He calls the kindergarten closest to campus and gets her a spot with little persuasion. Mr. Van Ness is livid, but Will is Sandra’s father, so that’s that.
When it comes time to leave Sandra there for the first time, Will underestimates how hard it will be. In the three years of Sandra’s life, Will has never been apart from her for more than a couple of hours – now he will have to leave her until after three when his last class ends. It takes everything Will has to not break down crying in front of Sandra in the yard when he drops her off.
“Be nice, okay? You remember Miss Piper, she will help you with your shoe laces. Daddy will come get you as soon as possible, you know that right?”
“Yes, Daddy”, Sandra says with a big smile. Will isn’t quite sure she understands yet that he won’t be staying in the kindergarten with her.
Will draws her into a hug and presses a kiss to her hair. “I love you, Sunshine.” He swallows a persistent lump from his throat, the straightens up and puts on a smile. “I’ll see you tonight, alright? Behave.”
“Bye, Daddy!” And then she’s gone, led inside by a wonderfully charming Miss Piper, and she doesn’t even look back to watch Will wave her goodbye. Her bright green backpack looks so big on her, and her pony tail bounces when she walks, and Will has to take a deep breath before looking away.
It’s when Will is turning to head toward the campus that he hears a voice not too far on his left.
“First day?”
Will turns to look and sees a young man around his own age, clad in black from head to toe, topped off with a jet-black hair. Will would be worried if it weren’t for the small Spider man backpack the man has swung on his shoulder, and the little boy tugging him along.
Will shrugs his shoulders, running a hand sheepishly through his hair. “That obvious?”
“I was the same way”, the man grins, looking a little embarrassed himself. Will can’t help but notice he has nice eyes. “It doesn’t really help that I’m a single parent. Home feels so quiet, you know. But you get used to it, I suppose.”
While the words are not overly encouraging, they do make Will feel a little better. He’s not the only single dad dropping off their kid here. There are others in similar situations as his own. Even though it still feels like someone is stomping on his chest, he now feels a little better about leaving Sandra here. He knows it’s for the best, for the both of them.
“Yes”, Will mumbles, trying for a smile that he knows is maybe a little too remorseful. “I suppose I will. I hope so, anyway.”
“Come on, papà, I’m going to be late! We’re doing finger paints!” The little boy, perhaps a year older than Sandra, keeps pulling the man towards the building. The man gives a fond eye roll and a sigh before readjusting the backpack on his shoulder.
“Yes, alright. Let’s go, then.” He says something else in what Will guesses is Italian, the words flowing like notes on a song, and then the two of them are off, disappearing inside the building like so many other kids and parents. Will is alone again, but not nearly as hopeless as he was only a minute ago.
When Will comes to pick up Sandra 3:30 sharp, he’s met with a grinning face and a remade pony tail because the first one got loose during recess. Sandra bounces around him for a solid five minutes when he talks to Miss Piper about how the day has gone, and she’s abnormally talkative on the car ride to their side of town. She tells Will about the reading nook that’s full of books about animals, and about the boy who helped her on the swings during recess. She’s so genuinely happy that Will almost wonders if she’d rather be at kindergarten than at home.
That is, until it’s 7 PM and Sandra falls asleep against his side on the couch, her tiny hand clutching the hem of his shirt. When Will carries her to her bedroom and tries to leave her there, she doesn’t wake up but still refuses to let go. Will has no other option but to carry her to his own bed and let her sleep there. He doesn’t think it’s wise, in the long run, but right now he can’t find it in himself to mind in the least.
Nico remembers the day Reyna told him she was pregnant. He’s pretty sure it’s the only time he’s seen her really crying, honest to God tears.
Nico hadn’t even been aware she was seeing someone, let alone that it hadn’t worked out. Not that it matters to Nico, really. Reyna is his best friend, but that doesn’t mean they have to tell each other every single detail of their lives. (Quite frankly, Nico would much rather stay oblivious about Reyna’s dating life permanently. Alas, he can’t anymore. He’s a little pissed about that.) All it means is that when Reyna needs him, like she did now, he would be there for her, no questions asked.
There had been a lot of talking that night – and, on Nico’s part, a lot of drinking. Perhaps even an unfair amount of drinking, seeing as Reyna wasn’t supposed to anymore and had to watch Nico down a beer after a beer after a beer. “I have to drink for the both of us”, Nico had said after the third one, and that’s about as far as he remembers in the morning.
What he does remember, however, is that Reyna doesn’t have many options. She’s not fit to be a mother, they both know that; she’s not prepared, she’s unwilling, she doesn’t intend to settle down. She has plans and her life in a luggage, and this really couldn’t have happened at a worse time.
Abortion isn’t an option. Reyna may not be a devoted Catholic like most of her foster parents, but she still couldn’t murder an innocent child. This Nico can understand very well. He doesn’t think he would have it in himself, either.
So Reyna would have to go through the pregnancy. That’s pushing back her plans for another seven months – and what then? She couldn’t possibly put everything on hold for the next eighteen years, it’s simply not in her nature. And giving the baby up for adoption isn’t an option either, since as someone who was moved from home to home and from family to family, never staying anywhere for longer than four months, she could never put anyone else through that.
Nico comes up with a solution around midday, after a double cheese burger and sweet potato fries with onion dip. It seems clear as day now, even through his hangover heavy mind.
“I’ll take him.” Reyna almost drops her burger to the ground when she turns to look at him with wide eyes. “We’ll put me down as the father, and when he’s born we’ll automatically have shared custody. You can go do your thing, the baby will be cared for, and you don’t have to worry about putting him through the system.”
To Nico, the decision is rather simple. Reyna is his best friend, and the only family he has left. This is something he can do for Reyna, and it’s not something he’s opposed to. Maybe it’s a little selfish, too; he knows he’s going to miss Reyna when she’s away, and this way he’ll have a part of her with him always.
Nico is rather used to being alone, but he doesn’t fancy being lonely. Having a kid around, being a dad, that could do him a lot of good. He’s aware it’ll be tough, but life is tough. He’s had his fair share of complications before, surely if he can get through those he can raise a kid on his own. And it’s not like he’d be completely alone in this – his friend Jason has just moved back to New York, and Jason’s girlfriend works in a kindergarten. If everything else fails, she’ll know what to do.
When Faraji Elías Ramírez-Arellano di Angelo is born, Reyna doesn’t want to hold him. She says she’s already too emotional, and that if she held the baby she’d just regret not raising him herself. Nico thinks there is a fault in her logic somewhere, but he doesn’t say anything, just holds his newborn son for a while before curling up into an uncomfortable chair next to Reyna’s bed to take a well-deserved nap with her.
Two weeks later Reyna flies to Mexico, and Nico spends the first night completely alone with Faraji. It’s the longest night of his life, but even when the sun rises, and he’s had maybe half an hour of sleep, he knows he wouldn’t change it for the world.