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“Run.” Dice’s brain yells.
His adrenaline is pumping, heels scraping the dirt below and branches ripping holes in his tattered socks.
“Get the fuck off my tail!” Dice screams, throwing back a few stray dollar bills. “I’m giving ya’ what you want!! Take the money and leave me the fuckin’ hell alone!”
He hears a few men rumbling behind him, probably deciding whether or not to leave him alone for now, and he lets out a sigh of relief as he takes a few more steps forward before leaning his back against a tree.
He hears a few leaves crunch under his feet, and he shakes a little at the anxiety of the men coming back. He sticks a stray hand into his pocket, flipping through the bills he has hidden in there.
A lot are gone.
Dice digs in his jacket pocket for a lighter, cursing under his breath when he realizes he doesn’t have any cigarettes anyway.
“Hm? It looks like you have a problem,” A man is standing a few feet in front of him, brown hair reflecting the moonlight and oversized clothes creating the illusion he’s flying.
“Eh?” Dice scrambles to his feet to act like he stands a chance. “Please, I’m beggin’ ya’, I can give you all the money in the bank, just don’t kill me.”
“Maybe I’ll take you up on that,” The floating figure inches closer to him, hands swaying in the chilly breeze. “It was just a lie, though.”
Dice squints, trying to make out more definite features in the person’s face. He has sharp green eyes, brown hair flowing past them to shape his face. His face is accented with a soft smirk, forest light making it seem as if he was ethereal.
“Are you some sorta whore for those guys?” Dice glares at him intently. “Ya’ know, I might not look it, but I got morals.”
“Ah, deary me,” The man brings a hand to his face and looks away bashfully. “I didn’t know I gave off that sort of aura.”
Dice takes a few steps forward, leaves crunching under his bare feet. “Who are ya’ then?”
“My name is Amemura Ramuda.” He bows, head tilting up to make eye contact with Dice. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“I’m Arisugawa Dice.” Dice sticks out a hand, grinning as he introduces himself. Gentaro dodges his grasp, giggling in pride.
“I was lying, of course.” Dice’s face morphs into a frown. “Don’t believe people so easily. I’m Yumeno Gentaro.”
“Shake my hand.”
“Hm, I’m sorry. I’m afraid that I’m saving myself for marriage.”
Dice squints thoughtfully, the corner of his lips curving up into a grin.
“I think I like ya’. Have a place for me to stay for the night?”
-
Turns out he does have an availability for that night.
It turns out he has one for the next night, and the next night too.
Dice finds himself staying there more often than not, coming home on late nights to find Gentaro out over a fire. It’s awfully domestic, he thinks, even if Gentaro kicks him out of the bed the second he takes up more than half the blanket. ( What’s the issue? It’s not like he’s even sleeping in it.) Even if Gentaro smacks him on the forehead with a stick to wake up, even if Gentaro gets him caught and entangled in his web of lies that he preys on Dice’s gullibility with.
It’s cute first and foremost, and Dice doesn’t understand how his young adult mind wasn’t supposed to conjure up these thoughts. Pushing Gentaro up against one of those trees right outside of his house and kissing him silly, entangling their hands as they sit around the fire and Dice drives through food like it’s nothing. Maybe he would be okay with Gentaro just being an escort for some corrupt casino guys. At least then he’d eventually get a chance to touch Gentaro, to feel his lips crash into his and take his breath away.
-
He figures it out the night he wins some big jackpot.
Dice wouldn’t say he never suspected anything, but aside from brushing over the topic and avoiding physical contact he didn’t have any hard evidence to back up his suspicions.
“You aren’t human, huh?” Dice asks bluntly as he’s pouring out some sake for a toast. “Like, I can’t touch you ’cause of some weird ghost shit right?”
“Hm?” Gentaro smiles as he takes a sip of his drink. “What possibly could make you think that?”
Dice shakes in his seat, toes curling and eyebrows bunching together.
“I mean, it’s not like I don’t believe ya’ about the whole ‘Savin’ yourself for marriage’ thing,” Dice begins, downing the sake in one shot and slamming his glass onto the floor. “Jus’ hard to believe, comin’ from somebody as slutty as you.”
Gentaro blushes, and Dice can’t tell if it’s real or hiked up for Gentaro purposes.
“And that led you to believe I’m some sort of ghost..?” Gentaro questions, swaying through the air as he moves closer to Dice. He erupts in laughter, true, genuine amusement, and he clutches his chest. “Perhaps you’re the interesting one here, after all!”
-
“So ya’ never denied it.” Dice states, cold and unexpected in the warm autumn air.
“Hm? What are you referring to..?” Gentaro throws a block of wood closer to the house.
“The ghost shit.”
“You’re going to have to be a bit more cohesive if you want me to understand~.”
“You know,” He begins again, hands signaling motions Gentaro assumes are meant to help. ”How you aren’t human.”
“Ah, it seems little Dicey as figured out something by himself for once.” Gentaro’s voice shifts into one of a frail old woman. “Soon I’m going to have to let him out of the nest.. Deary me..”
Dice looks at him and blinks.
“It was a lie, though.” Gentaro agilely spins a chunk of wood in his hands. “I’m not human, but I’m not a ghost either.”
“Then what are you?”
“I guess you’ll have to find that out for yourself.”
-
They risk it more and more as time goes on.
Kicking Dice out of the bed because he’s scared of making contact turns to ghosting touches over each others bodies, trapped within the barrier that is their own skin.
‘Look but don’t touch’ is a motto they hold close to their hearts, and while Dice doesn’t truly understand, he doesn’t want to push it.
“Why can ya’ touch things and not me?” Dice asks one day, walking through the forest with Gentaro. His fingers trace over a dip in the bark, probably where some squirrel once slept, and he finds himself wishing that he could run his fingers over Gentaro like so.
“I wish I had an answer for you, Dice.”
“Make an answer up then.”
Dice looks into green eyes and he swears he can see the whole world in their glow. Maybe Gentaro is just the Earth incarnated.
-
They confess their feelings on a cold winter night.
“Dice,” Gentaro murmurs, half distorted by sleep. “I think you’ve successfully made me fall for you.” A pause. “And that’s not a lie.”
“Stupid,” Is all Dice says, watching Gentaro’s chest rise and fall as he sleeps. “I think I fell for you too.”
The birds chirp away from their perches on the trees outside, and Dice’s heart slams against his ribs so hard he’s scared it might jump out.
“ I’ll be home soon ,” Dice whispers as he softly closes the door behind him, feet dragging through the plush white below.
(His mind is too busy thinking about anything besides poker to win, even with the knowledge that Gentaro would've made him a celebratory dinner had he come home with at least the clothes on his back.)
-
“Dice,” Gentaro murmurs, a pathetic excuse of a smile washing over his face. The soft glow of the candle illuminates the shine of brown hair, green eyes still reflecting the flickers through their empty stare. Empty , Dice thinks. Empty, empty, empty .
Gentaro was many things.
Empty was not one of them.
And yet even still, Dice found himself wanting to reach out and touch; to feel the lingering warmth of Gentaro’s skin, the silkiness of his hair running between his fingers. He yearned to take the damned yukata off of him, to rub mindless circles on his abdomen as his eyes trailed up his bare chest. He wanted to hold his cheek, feel him nuzzle into it like a pet cat before he devoured him with kisses. He wanted to feel Gentaro’s hot breath on his neck, his legs tied around his waist and his hands tangled in his hair.
He wanted to experience Gentaro, even with his dead eyes and phantom-esque existence. He wanted to be the one to bring him back down from whatever hellish plane he was resting on, to make him solid and whole and human , to be able to touch and trace and admire without the repercussions.
“I’m an angel.” Gentaro had said one day, leaning against a tree as he carefully watched Dice devour his stew. “Or perhaps I’m more akin with the Devil, after all, I was swiftly removed from Heaven when they found out what a mischievous person I am.”
Dice looked up at him with half of a carrot falling out of his mouth, eyes open in shock.
“A-A-An angel?!” He stumbled out, bits of half-eaten vegetables coming out onto the dirt as he spoke. “So, by being here, does that mean I’m betraying the god in my dice?”
“Of course. You would be damned to the deepest depths of hell if I were telling anything even near to the truth.”
Dice grunted, slamming his bowl to the floor and hissing when a hot drop of liquid got onto his arm. “Asshole.”
Gentaro watched carefully as he brought his arm up to his mouth, tongue darting out to lick the juice for no more than a split second. Mundane , Gentaro’s brain thinks. Cute , his heart retorts.
Dice looks cute here too, Gentaro thinks solemnly, ( A thought he would never find the pride to voice aloud. ). Night mist from the pond forms a sheer film of water on his face, anxiously trembling fingers rubbing his head when a pair of droplets amalgamate together to slide down the tail of his brow.
“Calm down, Dice.” Gentaro whispers, fingers tracing through the air just above Dice’s wrist. He can see how Dice noticeably breathes in deep, flipping his hand over.
A gesture of love.
Perhaps it’s a sad story, a fittingly hellish end for such a sinner. Two lovers, together in the fabric of space and time, but locked behind an inescapable glass wall.
It’s not fair.
For all the lies Gentaro has let spill from his lips, for everything his past life was worth, for the hours he’s spent living in solitude and regret and still unable to stop weaving stories with delicate intimacy ..
It’s not fair.
“Dice, can you do something for me?”
A hum. A cricket chirping and a firefly illuminating past.
“Depends. As long as it doesn’t involve money.” Dice grimaces. “I mean, wait. I’d do anything for ya’, I just..”
“I want you to touch me.”
Dice’s breath hitches.
“Dumbass.” He spits through clenched teeth. “If this is another one of your jokes, this shit isn’t funny.”
Gentaro looks up at him, elbow shifting to rest his head. Dice looks no less than cowardly . Weak, terrified, a different man than who he met sleeping on a pile of old leaves and a different man than who carefully and intricately wove his way into his heart.
“It’s not a lie.” Gentaro says bluntly. “Or a joke. Though, if you’re uncomfortable, we can postpone this for another time perhaps.”
“Fuckin’ hell, dude, I just want to touch you.”
Dice paws at nothing, fingers inching closer to Gentaro but never making contact.
He looks down with the most puppy dog eyes Gentaro has ever seen, and he absentmindedly thinks about how the hell he wasn’t supposed to absolutely fall in love with this.
Maybe he was, and that was his punishment all along. Not the isolation, not the damning… But the blue haired gambler who somehow still had an extra dollar to give to a struggling stray cat, who would fall into his traps again and again but wouldn’t complain, who offered his life up for Gentaro again, and again, and again ….
So Gentaro lets his fingers brush up against the expanse of Dice’s chest.
“You..” Dice begins, rolling back onto his elbows like Gentaro’s fingers burnt a mark into his skin. “You.. Asshole! What the fuck?”
Gentaro smiles, and this time it’s a real one.
“Oops, I guess I accidentally touched you.. Oh deary..” Gentaro dramatizes. “What shall I ever do?!”
“Bastard, you motherfucker.. Already had your mind set before you even asked, huh?”
Gentaro clicked his teeth. “I don’t need the chastising. You know what I want and it’s the same in regards to-“
Dice pulls him into a kiss, and Gentaro feels alive again.
It’s not good by any means, far too uncomfortable of a position, too rushed to be planned and carefully executed. But that’s all they are, right? Dice nips at Gentaro’s lip, dragging a bit as he pulls away.
“You know how long I’ve wanted to do this to ya’ for?” Dice accents his point with cradling Gentaro’s face in his hands, thumb rubbing circles in his cheek. “But..” He begins, but doesn’t finish.
Instead he meets him with another kiss, hands trailing down his sides as he pulls Gentaro closer. ‘ I didn’t want you to leave ’ He feels, unspoken but traveling through his veins like lightning. It’s said when Dice slides his tongue into his mouth, too soft to be a gesture coming from Dice, and yet passionate enough that it unequivocally is. It’s said again when a hand leaves his waist to grasp at his fingers to hold as tightly as possible, like Gentaro was going to get picked up by the wind and blown away if Dice were to let go.
Maybe that’s how it works, Gentaro has never died before per say. Maybe if Dice clutched onto him harder he wouldn’t be able to leave. Dice is his rock, as backwards and cumbersome that is. The only thing keeping him tethered to this Earth is the one who would leave it in an instant if it meant a new thrill. Perhaps this is his curse as well, doomed to a life with no stability.
Dice pulls away once more, face glowing red in the orange incandescence of a slowly dimming candle. Divine , Gentaro thinks, pushing a stray hair out of Dice’s eyes. Perhaps Dice is the angel here, oblivious innocence and bright pink eyes reflecting the dim stars above. He’ll have to commit this moment to memory, to write about it in whatever purgatory lies in front of him. A fallen angel falling in love with a pure one.
Laughable.
“I,” Dice begins, as his eyes drag across the lake. “I didn’t think this would be how it ended.”
“Silly Dice,” Gentaro whispers as his lips curl up into a smile. “This is just the beginning.”
Gentaro’s fingers tighten their latch on Dice’s wrist, dull pain blossoming under their grasp. He pulls, firm in his objective and Dice thinks he’s more human than he is at this moment.
“Let’s go.” Gentaro murmurs, as if he’s scared of being heard, the frogs and crickets silencing their hum to listen in.
-
Gentaro is cold. That’s the first thing Dice notices when he gets his hands onto his bare skin. The night air is humid and warm and yet somehow the ice that is Gentaro keeps him from melting. The balance only prompts him to draw in closer, to drag Gentaro’s body closer to his legs, his arms, his chest, his face.
His mouth is hot, a searing heat that soars through his skin whenever their lips combine. Dice wonders if they’re some type of safe zone, if he only touched him there Gentaro would never have to fade away.
But it’s too late to wonder. Gentaro’s hand is flickering in and out of the mortal realm as he pushes it under Dice’s sleeve, tracing over his biceps littered with scars.
“I wish I had more time to look,” Gentaro whispers as he rests a hand over Dice’s beating heart. “Don’t add onto that collection while I’m gone.”
While I’m gone .
Gentaro must feel his heart skip a beat at that, because he leans over to latch onto his neck. Hickies are one thing but love bites are different, and he lets his hands wander aimlessly as he tries to ground himself to the feeling. To ground himself to Gentaro.
Gentaro pulls off, resting his head on the dip of Dice’s chest and listening to the thrum of his heartbeat.
“I think I’m in love with you.” Dice states bluntly, eyes hooked on the sky.
“Ya’ know,” He begins again, trailing off into another thought when he looks down to see Gentaro laying on his chest. “I think taking this freefall with you has been one of the best god-damned gambles I’ve ever made.”
“That’s sweet. I think I find your company quite enjoyable sometimes as well.”
“Asshole, I’m trying to be honest with you and..!”
“I’m kidding.” Gentaro nuzzles closer into Dice’s shirt, trying to dig deep enough that he’ll become a permanent addition to him. He slows his breathing, trying to sync with Dice’s so they can harmonise as one being.
“I think I might’ve fallen in love with you as well.” He closes his eyes tight to keep the tears from falling out. His hand is nearly intangible when he clenches onto the vinyl of Dice’s jacket, but he can’t bring himself to care when Dice’s hands are wrapped around his back and tugging him in tight.
“I’m so happy.” Gentaro thinks he hears Dice mumble under his breath.
“You know Dice, if there’s anything you need to tell me, I’d hurry. I only have about…” He loosens his grip on Dice’s coat and watches as his hand fades into transparency as he pulls it back. “Thirty minutes, at the very most.”
“Stop fuckin’ talkin’ like we’re never gonna see eachother again.”
“Hm.. Maybe I’ll have to send a letter up to my superior in hell and let him know I don’t want a certain blue-haired homeless man anywhere near me.”
“Ex-homeless man.”
“Living in the woods with a bodiless spirit isn’t much better than living on the streets.”
“Bullshit.” Dice rests a hand on the small of Gentaro’s back. “It’s home wherever you are.”
Gentaro tries to hold back a blush.
“Picked up these lines from a casino bartender?” He smiles, gentle and radiant and only somewhat of a bluff. “You’re suddenly so romantic.. I might have to fall in love with you all over again.”
“I want to make ya’ fall in love with me again everyday.” Dice grins, toothy and cheesy and just the right amount of pure happiness to send a shiver down Gentaro’s spine. “You’ll be lookin’ at me from the afterlife and will be like, ‘Man, he’s so cool!’ The ghost girls with the big titties won’t even be able to get near ya’ cause I’ll make sure you’re always watching me.”
“I was lying.” He watches as Dice’s face contorts into a frown and he feels some sort of twisted pride surge heavy in his chest. “I think I already may be more in love with you than I ever thought possible.”
“Dumbass, I knew that.”
And Dice kisses him again. His mouth tastes like forest rain and a cool breeze. He tastes like huddling for cover under a large oak tree, back scraping against the bark as you slide down. He tastes like salt; tears that continue to fall despite your brain urging them not to. A hot summer day, a leaf being used as a fan to stop the heat from crawling under their skin. He tastes utterly like Dice, reckless and filled to the brim with firecrackers ready to burst, and Gentaro feels it in the bottom of his heart.
This is his home.
He can feel his legs slowly giving out on him, turning to dust and floating up to god knows where, and Gentaro suddenly feels like he’s racing against the clock.
“I love you.” Dice says, bluntly and surefire as if it’s something he was born knowing. He interlaces his hand with Gentaro’s left one tight, squeezing as if it’ll stay tangible if he doesn’t let go. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“I thought we weren’t leaving each other for good,” Gentaro tangles his finger in the chain hanging from his ear and he finds himself regretting that he never asked about it. Was it a gift from a relative? A family heirloom? Was it a useless piece of scrap metal, found through scavenging neighbourhood trash cans? “Or are you picking up my habit of lying?”
“Fuck no. I just want ya’ to know.”
His hand leaves Dice’s chain and begins to fade away, and Gentaro hopes he’s stored inside of it to keep watch over him.
“I love you as well.”
“You’re fuckin’ leaving me and you can’t even be a little bit honest with yourself?”
“There’s food I keep stored in a bin directly behind my bed.” He smirks, and he knows it’s not as sly as it should be. “You can sleep in there for now, but if I come back and a single thing is misplaced consider yourself dead.”
“Really?!”
“I was lying.”
He watches as Dice frowns, eyebrows furrowing and chin falling down.
“About the dead part of course. Feel free to help yourself to anything you want.”
He presses a chaste kiss to Gentaro’s lips, and Gentaro finds himself attempting to commit it to memory, to copy the warmth of his mouth and the plush of his lips within his mind. Home, home, home .. This is where he belongs.
“ I love you, Dice.”
-
It’s cold in Gentaro’s house.
Well, house is exaggerating it, it’s more of a shack and a temporary place to stay. But it is welcoming and homey, the scent of wet oak wood and meat burning over a fire a consistent sense.
Dice hasn’t been staying there much lately.
It’s depressing when you’re alone, when he can’t cuddle into Gentaro’s chest during stormy nights, when he has to fend for himself against the elements, when he doesn’t wake to find Gentaro gone, but still just huddling around a fire outside the hut making breakfast. It’s lonely, and Dice never thought he would prefer the streets to something that smells and feels and sounds so much like Gentaro.
He hears the humming vibrate from inside the house and he’s careful not to make any assumptions.
It’s late, Dice can’t check exactly what time because he bet his watch away, but if he had to guess it would be somewhere around three. It’s dark, and he can see the single candle he left lit last time he stayed still flickering in the void of darkness. He can hear the rumbling and humming even louder as he inches towards the makeshift door, and he gets in a fighting stance as he prepares to ward off any rogue animal that got in again.
“Get the fuck out before I come in and kill ya’.” Dice yells as if a wild fox could understand words.
“My, my, what a rude way to welcome me home.”
He’s frozen in his boots.
“Gentaro?” He whips open the door. “Gentaro? Am I bein’ fuckin’ messed with?”
“Hm, I’m afraid that I’m actually here.”
He sees Gentaro’s hair before he can realize it’s actually his. His mind processes his smirk before he sees the gleam in his eyes, tears building up and reflecting the orange of the candlelit shack.
“I’m home.” Gentaro says, and Dice feels the same even though he never left.