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the first time yukhei and ten kissed, it had been an accident.
they were stupid and very drunk, so when they got back to their flat, it was like they had lost their minds and started making out until they fell asleep next to each other, somehow tangling their legs together and hugging each other.
ten had woken up first that morning. for the first minute, until he remembered what and how, he felt happy. waking up next to the younger felt... right, being hugged by the boy, feeling his warm, calm breath, seeing his peaceful grimaces while asleep... it was just so right. as if they had been made for each other, as if made for waking up next to each other.
but to avoid the morning awkwardness, ten quietly had gone out of the room. after vaguely asking yukhei about what he remembered about what had happened the night before, ten understood that the boy's brain had completely blanked on the kissing part.
good, ten had thought. it's for the better.
the second time they had kissed happened... just now.
yukhei had been out with friends and ten had stayed home, not feeling like going out. not feeling like repeating the last time.
ten had figured that he liked yukhei. liked. that was too weak of a word. ten knew he loved yukhei before, but he didn't realize that he loved him that way. ten hadn't thought twice about it before the kiss - he loved all his friends. yukhei was a friend, too. why wouldn't ten love him? but now he knew. and that might've been the worst mistake of his life. ten wished he didn't know. he knew that he couldn't do anything about it and that had slowly been eating him from the inside for months now. months of not going out with yukhei and their friends. months of avoiding drunk yukhei just so It wouldn't happen again. months of avoiding coming home drunk just so It doesn't happen again. months of avoiding everything just in general.
yukhei had just come home, visibly and audibly drunk. ten had tried to quickly and quietly get from the kitchen to his room without meeting the younger but somehow yukhei had intercepted ten in the corridor. ten, of course, being a gay dumbass had stopped and looked at the boy. to make sure he's alright, ten made up excuses that no one needed. yukhei had smiled his charming smile and ten had just melted on the spot. then yukhei had hugged ten tightly and the older could feel his breath leaving him, his arms automatically wrapping around yukhei without even thinking about it. ten had rested his head on the younger's chest.
and then it had just... happened. yukhei had raised ten's head slightly, looked in his eyes and kissed him, while caressing his cheek. and ten, being absolutely whipped, hadn't said a word. yukhei's lips had been so soft, he had been just so careful... and ten hated that. ten hated that yukhei was just so... perfect. it wasn't fair. ten wanted to get over him, he really did but yukhei just did that and it was as if all the butterflies ten had tried to violently kill had come back all at once and were attacking ten in return. and he couldn't even complain, it was just the impact yukhei had. and that smile... that damned fucking smile yukhei had after the kiss. it was simultaneously the most precious and cute thing ten had ever seen and the most heartbreaking one.
so now, after putting yukhei to bed, ten was now sat on his own bed, quietly sobbing. he somehow found a bottle of *insert something alcoholic* in his hand and taking small sips of it once in a while in between the sobs, grimacing at the bitter taste, but even then he didn't stop drinking - alcohol was a universal problem solver, wasn't it?
ten lightly put his fingers to his lips, feeling the slight wetness from the tears on them. it was so unfair. why did it have to be yukhei? the person he saw literally every day? the only person that getting feelings for could get weird? it was so fucking unfair and ten hated it. he let out a loud sob, sure that yukhei was sleeping well enough to not hear him.
and why did yukhei have to be so awfully fucking nice, too? ten knew that if he told the younger about his useless feelings, yukhei would say something nice and laugh adorably and make the world light up by merely his dumb fucking smile. and not at one point would he act like it's something weird or like their friendship's ruined by ten having feelings for him. ten hated how perfect yukhei was. absolutely fucking hated it.
"ten?" he heard a quiet voice say. ten panicked, putting both of his hands in front of his mouth, just to not let out anymore sobs. his drunk mind probably thought that that was great problem solving, as if ten's breathing wasn't rapid and loud enough for the entire apartment building to hear. "ten..."
ten felt yukhei sit down next to him on the bed, but he still didn't remove his hands from his mouth. there was a sudden switch in their positions and suddenly the older was in yukhei's lap. just as easy as that. there was now also a hand running up and down ten's back, drawing circles once in a while. only that made ten cry even harder. he was now violently shaking and sobbing about his feelings for yukhei while sitting in the boy's lap. and it was horrible because once ten started... he didn't know how to stop, he couldn't stop crying.
"ten, love..." yukhei started, sounding concerned. "what's wrong?"
even drunk yukhei is considerate, ten thought. what a fucking moron.
ten just shook his head in response, not trusting his voice, if he even had one anymore. so yukhei, being such a perfect, caring asshole, just hugged ten tighter, made the older rest his head on his shoulder and kept drawing circles on ten's back. as if that made anything better...
"let it out, baby, let it all out..." yukhei said in a calming tone, having his speech slightly slurred by the alcohol in his system.
and so ten did. he cried and cried for what seemed like hours to him but was probably thirty minutes at most. he cried about having feelings for yukhei. he cried about being such a coward and not being able to tell the boy how he felt.
"i- i love you," ten stuttered out, through his last sobs that were already calming down by now. "i love you, i'm sorry."
"i love you too, baby," yukhei said in return. the younger took ten's face into his hands to see his teary face.
"no, not in a... not in an entirely... platonic way," ten said, looking down. he didn't dare look in the boy's eyes. he didn't want to face the rejection eye to eye, it would be too much for him, especially when he had managed to cry for ages already.
"i know, sweetheart. i love you too," yukhei answered. "look at me... please?"
ten slowly raised his eyes to meet yukhei's slight and warm smile and then looked up, meeting his eyes. yukhei lightly caressed ten's cheek with his thumb, wiping away a lonely tear.
"can i kiss you?" yukhei softly asked.
ten nodded.