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Life was a never-ending game of checkers for Alyssa Greene. She hated thinking that way, hated relating something so important and complicated and weird to a stupid board game, but once the idea first popped into her head, there was no way of getting it out.
She had realized her fate when, like the fool she was, had let it slip to her mom that she had been at Emma’s house instead of doing the studying she promised she would. This wasn’t anything too bad, nothing to put a new game into motion. It was the hickey she had forgotten to hide that truly started it, and as soon as her mom saw it, they were off to the races. It started with a tense standoff. Then, her mom took a step closer to her (she moved a checker piece forward). Alyssa took a step back (she moved a checker piece forward). Her mom reached out a hand, moving the same piece. Alyssa opened her mouth to speak, moving forward once more, and soon enough, they were stuck in an state of limbo. Alyssa’s token could jump her mom’s, and her mom’s could jump hers just as easily. But then, another piece would be waiting to claim the victim, and even out the score once more. And so they stayed rooted to the ground, neither one moving even a muscle, too afraid of what the other might do in response.
“Go to your room and do your homework.”
It was the white flag, the retreat, the pause. For now, the game was over. No one had won and no one had lost. Alyssa wondered if her mom thought it was a victory, and Mrs. Greene wondered the same about Alyssa.
They never spoke of it again.
The first time Mrs. Greene won was at the start of senior year. Alyssa had brought up the idea of quitting cheer. Obviously, this was unacceptable. This time, the game was a quick and painful slaughter. Mrs. Greene moved her piece (standing up and abandoning her perfectly cooked chicken breast), but Alyssa found herself unable to move hers. She couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but watch as she strode over to her seat (the second move).
“If you quit cheerleading, what would you have to list on your college application? Do you know how many scholarships it’ll cost you?” (the third move- she was dangerously close to ending the game).
Alyssa had no clue how to respond, teeth catching her bottom lip as her mom tried to coax her into speaking. “I… I don’t care. My application looks fine without it, and I’m just so fucking-”
Mrs. Greene jumped Alyssa’s piece, hand making a venomous thwack sound as it made contact with her cheek. She folded up the board, ending the game with a scolding and a promise of no dinner tomorrow night. She watched as Alyssa trudged up to her room, watched as the tears began to well up in her eyes, and wonder why she had cared so much about winning. She had always thought it would be satisfying, thought it would be the thrill she needed to purify her daughter’s sinful life, but it wasn’t. It just made her feel empty, made her feel like the villainous stepmother in all those fairytales she had once loved to read with her husband.
She didn’t sleep that night, couldn’t stop hating herself as Alyssa told her all about cheer tryouts the next day.
The second time Alyssa lost was far worse than the first. She had learned how to avoid initiating these foolish games over her years of experience, but every now and again, she slipped. Alyssa knew better than to take an extra helping of food, she simply forgot; she hadn’t realized until it was already on her plate.
Alyssa knew what was to come, setting up the board as she ate, the threat of defeat looming over her head like some sort of noxious gas. “Have you weighed yourself recently?” This wouldn’t have been as painful if she hadn’t, if she knew how to lie and say she weighed the exact same she did a year ago (when she was two inches shorter).
“Yes.” She had gained weight. She had gained weight and taken an extra helping of food within the same week, within the same month and year and century and lifetime. Mrs. Greene was not happy, not playing around anymore. She shot her piece across the board, ignoring any rules the two had set up, shoving Alyssa’s piece off the board (along with it went the plate of food, landing and shattering on the poor girl’s foot).
Alyssa bandaged up the gash and scurried off to bed, not staying long enough to notice the horrified look on her mother’s face at what she had just done. The cheerleader spent the entire night crying, wasted the day away by complaining to Emma. Emma asked why she let her get away with it. The first answer that came to mind was ‘because she had won’.
The two had vowed to put the game away forever after Alyssa came out. For a while, she believed her. They got along alright for the next few years- not good, not bad, but they could talk to each other and eat dinner together now. But then, Emma proposed, and the games began again.
The first time Alyssa won was the day she got engaged.
Her mother had confronted her at her apartment, showing up unannounced and unsurprisingly impolite. She barged her way into the room, looked to see if Emma was home, and then begging her to call it off when she saw that she was. (moves one two and three. she was already close to winning).
Alyssa didn’t back down. She explained to her mom that she loved Emma, loved her the way her dad just couldn’t force himself to love her, bringing the game to a swift and painful end. Now, it was her mom’s turn to be left speechless and hurt and vulnerable. She ran out of the room yelling about how she’d never speak to her again, and suddenly, Alyssa knew what it was like to win. She felt that emptiness her mother once had, felt the crushing guilt of making someone hurt the way she had growing up. Emma tried telling Alyssa that she had done the right thing, but Emma didn’t know what she was talking about. She had never had to play Greene Checkers before.
The second (and last) time Mrs. Greene lost was when she showed up to the wedding she hadn’t been invited to.
She didn’t know why she had crashed the celebration. There was something inside her forcing her onwards, pushing her to try and do what had to be done. She showed up ready to stop her daughter from making the worst mistake of her life, but when she got there, when she saw just how fucking happy she looked with Emma, how stunning she looked in her dress, she couldn’t do anything except stand still and stare. Alyssa met her gaze, but instead of coming over and speaking with her, she simply turned her head and dove deep into conversation with one of her friends. (she finished the game before it had even started, taking each and every one of Mrs. Greene’s pieces in one fell swoop).
Mrs. Greene left the reception and headed home after that. Staying would have been too much for her. Seeing her daughter get married to the woman she had tried so hard to ruin would have been more than her fragile heart could take- not because she hated her, but because of how happy she made Alyssa. What would have happened if she had succeeded? Would her daughter ever had the chance to be this happy? Would she have forced her to marry some douchebag CEO?
She laid down and thought back to all the games she had played, all the wins she had over the years, and what it had cost her. Every game she won drove her daughter further away, and eventually, she was too far gone. She had lost her daughter forever, destroyed the mother-daughter bond they once had. She supposed she just felt grateful she hadn’t ruined Alyssa’s life in the process.
Emma and Alyssa moved to New York that summer, and that was when Mrs. Greene finally threw out the worn-out checkerboard.