Chapter Text
Seokjin remembers well the day everything changed.
Hours and hours of work weakened his body that day. His eyes were barely staying open by noon yet he had appointments until eight. It didn’t help that he barely ate throughout the day and that everything that could go wrong did go wrong. It was honestly one of the worst days at his job. So when he finally drove away from his little office and made a few calls to arrange dinner with some of his friends, Seokjin was ready to drink his weight and find comfort in the company of people he cared about.
However, things didn’t really go the way he wanted them to. Dinner was great, Seokjin ate more than he should have but he didn’t think much of it since it was his only meal of the day. But then when Jimin went to grab some more beer from the fridge and Seokjin deemed it the right to begin ranting about his horrible day, things went downhill quickly.
“Where is all the beer?” Jimin had asked and Namjoon had been too busy on his phone to reply back. Jimin asked one more time and Seokjin hit Namjoon this time to get him to respond.
All Namjoon did was shrug.
“Didn’t you have two whole six packs?”
“We probably finished them last night.” Namjoon said, his attention still mainly on his phone. Seokjin wanted to say something the moment he saw Jimin’s eyes narrow but Namjoon was being kind of a dick, so Seokjin reasoned he probably deserved the ear full he was going to get.
“We? Last Night?”
“Taehyung, Hoseok, Me.”
“Taehyung?” Jimin stilled.
Namjoon sensed the tone and finally put his phone down. By then Seokjin was really regretting not saying something earlier. “Yeah, Taehyung. Is there a problem?”
And that’s how it started. Fight number five hundred and fifty seven if Seokjin had been counting. Namjoon and Jimin were really the sweetest couple he knew but they could also be so stubborn and mean. They really had a way with words and any other day, Seokjin would have entertained their fight or tried to defuse it by reminding them that he was a guest and had no reason to be hearing their lover spat.
Today however, he was irritated so;
So Seokjin interrupted their fight to put his two cents in. He cut off their insults with his own and instead of being any help, he sparks a different anger in both his friends with words like “stop being so insecure, Jiminie, jealousy doesn’t suit you” and “your maturity really shows Namjoon-ah, you know, with the way you handle your feelings all too well.”
So in reality Seokjin wasn’t too surprised when his friends clapped back with words just as cold and insensitive; clearly meant to hurt and bring him down. It’s also no surprise that they decided to attack where it hurts most.
“Jealousy? You want to talk about jealousy and insecurities?”
“I should maybe take lessons from you on how to handle my feelings. Since you are obviously so mature about your own— oh right, how’s Jungkook doing?”
And no, Seokjin can admit he was wrong in saying those things but that doesn’t mean he deserves this type of treatment. No. Seokjin smiles politely and excuses himself. He doesn’t offer an apology and neither does the couple. He also wont deny the little bit of satisfaction he felt leaving them still fighting.
But that satisfaction is short lived and by the time he reaches his apartment he feels horrible. He feels horrible for what he said and horrible for what he was told. He refuses to acknowledge the truth behind those words but that doesn’t keep his mind from bringing up Jungkook.
He thinks about the kid (he still tells himself he is a kid to maybe help decrease the pain) he thinks about his smile, his smell, the way he taps his foot against the ground nervously when he is stuck in awkward situations. He thinks about the most random things concerning Jungkook and by the time he is reaching his apartment door, his heart is already beating rapidly, both in pain and in desire.
Jungkook is there. Seokjin sees him first, leaning against his door and head down focused on his phone. His heart pounds against his rib cage even louder and Seokjin thinks of running but then he makes some sort of sound that has Jungkook looking up and-
Seokjin gasps. “What happened?” He says before his thoughts can catch up with his body. He is even moving towards Jungkook without hesitation, his eyes too focused on his state. Seokjin’s hands delicately reach to hold Jungkook's face as he examines his condition. There is a dark purple bruise on the lower part of his left eye and his upper lip is busted open on the side. Seokjin winces at the sight of blood still coming out and almost moves his thumb to wipe it away. He catches himself when he notices Jungkook gaze firmly on him. He lets his face go and moves to open his apartment door.
"It's nothing serious." Seokjin hears Jungkook say and Seokjin is too occupied trying to get his door open to turn and give Jungkook a glare for such a statement.
"It's worse than last time." Seokjin says unlocking his door while his own statement sinks in. Last time. Last time Jungkook's left cheek was bruised but the colour wasn't as deep as this one. Last time Seokjin had been there to witness Jungkook receive the punch. Last time Seokjin had almost punched Hoseok back. "Hoseok did this." Seokjin states, not needing to make it a question. Jungkook hums in response anyway. He closes the door behind him and takes his shoes off before walking towards the kitchen area while Seokjin hangs his coat and puts his own shoes away. He then goes straight to the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit before meeting Jungkook at the kitchen. "This is getting ridiculous."
"It's not that bad." Jungkook murmurs and Seokjin just sighs. He gets to work quickly, cleaning Jungkook's cut first before applying some cream to his bruise. He works in silence; trying to concentrate. Jungkook doesn't say anything either; he sits quietly, occasionally making quiet noises of pain when Seokjin dabs the cotton a little to strongly.
"You need to cover the bruise for school." Seokjin says once he is done and Jungkook nods, mumbling an 'I know' as Seokjin cleans up after himself. He drops a container of pain killers before he manages to close the kit and Jungkook moves quickly to reach for it and well, Seokjin should have seen this coming. "Jungkook!" He yells, reaching to grab said boys hands to further examine them. "You can't be serious!" Seokjin hisses.
"What? Am I suppose to just let Hoseok-hyung hit me? I had to defend myself!" Jungkook rebukes, trying to recover his hand from Seokjin's grip.
"Your whole hand is swollen! Your knuckles are bleeding-- why? Why did you two fight again? What is going on?"
"It's nothing!" Jungkook defends, finally getting Seokjin to let his hand go, "It's none of your business!"
"None of my business?" Seokjin scoffs, "every time you two fight I am the one fixing you up. I've taken care of every cut and bruise Hoseok has left on you and you are telling me this is none of my business?"
"Sorry for bothering you, then." Jungkook says, getting up from his seat, "I'll stop coming here."
"No!" Seokjin stands as well. "What you are going to do is tell me what the hell is going on between you two and then we are all going to fix whatever problem you guys have and these fights are going to end."
"Why?" Jungkook asks and Seokjin is about ready to scream.
"Why!?" He growls, "because it's not healthy! Because violence wont solve anything! Because you and Hoseok are friends--"
"Why do you care." Jungkook cuts him off, "why now?"
Seokjin takes a step back, "what?"
"I've been coming to you for weeks now. Why the sudden interest?"
Seokjin's eyes flash with anger. He is not wrong. Seokjin is self aware and knows that this is the first time he is really saying anything about the situation. Seokjin has seen Namjoon fight with Jungkook about this, he has seen Jimin beg both Jungkook and Hoseok to make amends. Even Yoongi had at some point tried getting Hoseok to put a stop to things. Seokjin himself had never bothered to. "This isn't right, Jungkook." Seokjin stresses, unable to find something else to say.
Jungkook stares at him for a few seconds before he scoffs. "You can't tell me what to do."
And Seokjin. Seokjin laughs.
"This is what I mean," he says, "you are just a child." See, Seokjin wants to say to Namjoon and Jimin and any one else who has ever questioned the reason for Seokjin's rejection towards Jungkook's feelings, this is what I mean. He is just a kid-
"No!" Jungkook blurts. "You don't get to turn this around!" He growls.
"I should talk to Hoseok about this, at least he would handle this like an adult-"
"Stop." Jungkook snaps, moving quickly to stand in front of Seokjin, eyes flaring with anger. "You really like tormenting me, don't you?"
Seokjin stares into Jungkook's eyes with the same anger, "I'm just stating the obvious-"
"You are insufferable!" Jungkook sneers.
"I'm trying to help you!"
"By calling me a kid? By indirectly making fun of my feelings?"
Seokjin scoffs, "feelings? What feelings? The ones you claimed to have for me before you ran into some other guys arms?"
Jungkook stills before he takes a step back away from Seokjin, "you have no idea what you are talking about."
"Oh really?" Seokjin says, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He moves closer to Jungkook as Jungkook moves back. Eventually he corners him against the wall and Seokjin places his arms on either side of him, keeping Jungkook in place as he leans closer to him. "You are the one that has no idea what he is talking about."
At the end of the day it comes down to the exhaustion Seokjin felt when his eyes met Jungkook's. He was tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of fighting the feelings that had built a home in his heart the moment Jungkook had so bravely said the words 'I like you'. Seokjin was so goddamn tired and Jungkook-
Jungkook had someone else.
Seokjin moves one of his hand to cup Jungkook's cheek. Jungkook visibly stills, "what are you..."
Jungkook was taken.
"You really have no idea..." Seokjin mumbles, "saying that I like tormenting you when that's the only goddamn thing you know how to do to me."
Jungkook breathes out; "Hyung, Taehyung--"
Seokjin leaned in anyway.
And once their lips were touching, once Seokjin pressed his body against Jungkook's and let his hand slide down to his neck to guide Jungkook fully into the kiss, once he moved his other hand to hold Jungkook's waist in place; keeping him close and with no way of escape... there was no stopping.
"Hyung," Jungkook had whimpered at one point in between kisses. "Seokjin,"
"Jungkook," Seokjin had said back, "mine," he had claimed, "you are mine."
"Yours."
-o-
Taehyung catches Jimin smoking after class.
His mouth falls open in surprise before his eyes get the chance to take the scene in fully and Taehyung beams before his mind catches up to his good hand that is searching through his backpack frantically for his camera.
Smoking is such a disgusting habit, Taehyung knows, but there really is something beautiful about seeing the act. Taehyung is half convinced he feels that way because of all the movies he watched as a kid that romanticized tobacco when it was at its prime.
But the real reason Taehyung is taking a picture of Jimin smoking is because it’s unexpected. A plot twist, some would say. The fact that a person like Jimin, oh so freaking perfect Park Jimin, could do something as disgusting and self destructive— this was like jackpot. If this was another life and Jimin was some esteemed celebrity and Taehyung some type of paparazzi, this would probably be a headliner.
It’s gross, Taehyung thinks once again after snapping another picture of Jimin taking a puff. Yet he is still so pretty.
How unfair, Taehyung thinks before taking one last picture and walking away, Jimin never noticing him.
-o-
After Seokjin and Jungkook slept together Jungkook went back to Taehyung. Jungkook went back to Taehyung to break up with him but that's not what Seokjin saw. What he saw was Jungkook picking Taehyung over him. What he saw was rejection.
And so Seokjin drank. He drank and drank and his anger grew and then all he could think of was Jungkook and how he had taken a taste but he could never have him.
And it hurt. It hurt so much.
And Yoongi had been there that night. Yoongi had said things like "I knew it" and "what did you expect?" And "That's Jungkook for you, he takes and takes and never gives back."
And Seokjin had been angry. Angry because that's not true. Angry because Yoongi mistreats Jungkook so much. Angry because it wasn't fair how they were alike.
Seokjin knows that Yoongi had been going through some things that night too. He knows that there was a reason Yoongi was pushing his buttons, there was a reason he was being hurtful. Yoongi wanted something from Seokjin that night and-
and Seokjin had taken what he wanted and Yoongi had given what he wanted.
It was easily the biggest mistake of Seokjin's life.
And when Jungkook found out he had been completely broken. Seokjin saw Jungkook’s heart shatter through his eyes.
Jungkook had walked out of Seokjin's life and Seokjin couldn't blame anyone but himself.
-o-
Taehyung made a horrible, horrible, horrible mistake.
He is two days from being homeless, his stress has hit a level he was unaware was possible and for whatever reason his arm was constantly pulsing with pain even though he has been doing a good job taking care of it. For those people that wonder what rock bottom looks like— it’s this. This state he is in. He hasn’t shaved in weeks, he hasn’t slept for more than three hours every night for the past week, Taehyung cant even remember if he has been eating properly. His mind cant concentrate on anything. His body seems to just be operating on his survival instincts and, and,
God, he made the worst mistake.
“This is definitely a different approach.” His professor says, oblivious to Taehyung’s current mental break down, “none of your classmates have thought of this— a student did try to portray this type of relationship a few years back but her pictures didn’t quite tell the story as well as yours have.” He likes it, a part of his mind whispers through his mental turmoil, there is no way he can take that stupid assignment back now. “I mean, your lighting could use some work. You also forgot to include a description of your pictures. I did also ask for a minimum of eight pictures.” His professor sighs and Taehyung bites his lips in anticipation for his verdict. “But I must admit you have piqued my interest. I’ll accept these three pictures for your proposal. The second part of the assignment is due in two weeks and I expect you to meet the requirements then.”
This can easily be the biggest mistake of Taehyung’s life yet his professor is smiling as he looks through the pictures again. He claps his hands once when he is done and Taehyung jumps surprised. “Good job, Taehyung,” he says and Taehyung nods and without saying anything at all, he begins to make his way out of the classroom, “oh, one last thing. Why did you pick this title?”
Taehyung blinks. “Title?” He didn’t pick a title.
“Ugly truth.” The professor reads from one of his pictures and Taehyung nearly groans with all the dread he feels in his body. He had written that behind the picture of Jimin smoking. He doesn’t even know why.
“I— it’s not an official title.” Taehyung tries. His professor raises an eyebrow and Taehyung freaks out internally, “I mean, I’m— isn’t it too soon to give it a title?” His professor nods after a while and Taehyung bolts before he gets asked another question he doesn’t have an answer to.
It’s when he is half way home that Taehyung finally takes a second to sit down by a tree to go over what just transpired. He clears his mind for a few seconds, breathing in and out before he allows his mind to overflow with the reality of his mistake.
So Taehyung handed in the first part of his assignment.
He gave his professor three pictures of Park Jimin.
He told his professor Jimin would be his model for the remaining assignments.
He now has to continue to take pictures of Jimin in order to complete the main assignment for the class.
The main assignment for the class is to show through his pictures the type of relationship he has with his model and—
Jimin and him don’t have a relationship. They are strangers. Taehyung simply handed in the pictures of Jimin because he had nothing else to present. He had no other pictures of anyone. He was prepared for his professor to fail him right there and then! Not to mention he had completely forgotten to write a description of the pictures (not including that petty ‘ugly truth’ label he had put on that one picture) and he hadn’t even submitted the minimum amount of pictures!
So imagine his surprise when his professor had reacted positively. He had put words into Taehyung’s mouth and before he knew it, Taehyung had declared Park Jimin was a man he both envied and admired.
“These pictures where taken from a distance. It shows unattainability. The angles you picked give the pictures a sense of admiration and the black and white colouring gives it contrast— you don’t want to admire him. Is that what you were aiming for?”
“Yes.” Taehyung had said, finding a little truth in those words.
“And the relationship between you two… is he your brother? Have you always lived under his shadow?”
“No.”
“A friend?”
“No.”
“…a lover?”
“God—no. He, he is uhm,” Taehyung’s voice had been close to cracking, “he hates me.”
His professors eyebrows had shot up and Taehyung had seen it then, his GPA being buried deep under. “He hates you.” He was done for, “your model hates you?” Taehyung should have dropped the damn class on the first day. “So the relationship you two have… hatred. Enemies?” Enemies. His professor had said enemies and that’s when Taehyung had realized his mistake because enemies implies mutual hatred and Taehyung doesn’t hate— “I’ll accept it.”
Taehyung is a hundred percent sure he has completely missed what ever it is his professor saw in those pictures. He doesn’t understand how any of this makes sense. He for sure doesn’t know how the hell he is going to continue taking pictures of Jimin (he can get in so much trouble if his professor finds out he never got Jimin’s consent) or much less how he is going to tell the story of their ‘relationship.’
A part of him wants to rejoice in the fact that his professor has accepted his proposal and he is no longer going to fail the class. For now. After all, if there is one thing Taehyung can count on is that Park Jimin absolutely hates him and that hatred is going to be the solution to all his problems. At least for his photography class.
But a greater part of him knows that this is only a temporary fix. He knows that whatever miracle happened today is just an illusion to the true tragedy. Make no mistake, Taehyung, this is rock bottom. His mind supplies because how can he forget.
He will be homeless in less than 48 hours.
Maybe he should just get over the whole assignment and worry himself over that little fact. Taehyung’s arm pulses and he feels the familiar sting run through his arm. Maybe he should also worry about why his arm is acting up even though he should be recovering. Why isn’t he more concerned over these matters?
Park Jimin. His mind whispers.
He is always thinking about Park stupid Jimin.
Fuck. Me.
Screw Park Jimin. Taehyung thinks and then he takes a deep breath before he wills his mind to completely push thoughts about Jimin to the darkest corner in his brain. “Screw you Park Jimin.” He says out loud to himself before letting his eyes close and his head rest on his knees that are pressed tightly against chest.
“Taehyung?” He hears someone suddenly call for him and Taehyung nearly breaks his neck with how fast he raised his head. He thinks its Jimin for a second and he is about to apologize because he probably heard him and god— “That’s your name, right?”
“Lee?” Taehyung stands to get a better look at the student approaching him. It is Lee. One of the students he was suppose to be living with if he hadn’t ditched Taehyung last minute. “Hi?”
“I thought it was you.” Lee says, “man, you look…”
“Did you need something?” Taehyung isn’t this rude, even though the guy screwed him over. It’s just really a bad time.
Lee bites his lip, obviously sensing Taehyung’s indignation. “Sorry, I know last time we talked Choi and I pulled a fast one on you and well, I just wanted to say hi… did you find a place?”
Taehyung raises an eyebrow at the sudden question. He then wonders if his physical state screams homeless. “Does it matter?” Taehyung ends up saying.
Lee looks at him with pity and god, if he wasn’t so, so… embarrassed, then maybe Taehyung would punch his stupid face. Lee doesn’t say anything for a bit and Taehyung lets out a scoff before he moves to leave when Lee finally breaks the silence. “I know a guy!” Lee blurts and Taehyung sends him a glare, “I mean, uhm, there is this guy looking for a roommate— here.” Before Taehyung can say anything else Lee is pulling out a piece of pare from his pocket and writing down an address, “Go see the place tomorrow if you want, around noon. The place is near school and it’s affordable— I’ll let him know I sent you! I’m sure you two will get along.”
Taehyung takes the piece of paper and stares at it for a few seconds before he meets Lee’s eyes again. “What.” He says because he is so damn confused. Why is this day turning out to be so confusing?
“Listen, I’m a dick. I know. What Choi and I did was pretty harsh considering we knew how much it all meant to you. I can see you are… struggling.” Lee glances at his arm and winces, “I just, this wont make up for my wrong, but give my friend a try?” Someone calls out for Lee then and before Taehyung can get another word out, his old classmate has said his goodbyes and is long gone.
Okay. Taehyung thinks. Okay?
-o-
The only reason Taehyung goes to the address Lee gave him is because he was given a later shift at the diner.
His pride and self destructive tendencies had strongly objected to the idea, in fact, Taehyung had come to accept his fate. This morning, when the building rep had kindly reminded Taehyung that he had to leave the room empty by the next morning, Taehyung had smiled and promised to do just that. Shortly after he got a call from Jungkook telling him about the next ‘friends’ meet up and Taehyung had even agreed to consider going. Jungkook had been surprised. Taehyung himself had been… numb.
It’s not like he really has nowhere to go. He has friends. He has… family a few miles away. He knows that if he told his school about his situation they could surely accommodate him somehow. At the end of the day all that would cost is his dignity. He would just have to admit once again that he is a total screw up. That he can’t do anything right. That no matter his age, he still needs people to look after him.
He can’t solve his own problems. The only thing he knows how to do is to burden others. These past few weeks of him stressing over his living situation, his assignment, his stupid arm… why did he even think he could handle any of it? Taehyung doesn’t, he doesn’t—
He is not really living, is he? He just breathes because that’s all he can probably do.
You’re so stupid. He tells himself. So stupid.
The address Lee gave him is near his school and coincidently near the diner as well. A bit of hope flares in his insides once he comes to that realization but Taehyung doesn’t let that feeling linger. Hope is dangerous. Hope is something he refuses to lean on.
He works at the diner in two hours. After his shift he is going to have to rent a storage room to move all of his stuff from the dorm and then he will sleep one last time in his comfy mattress before he has to find a place to crash. But if this goes well… A part of his mind whispers and once again Taehyung tries to push that hope away.
Taehyung makes it to the small apartment fifteen minutes after noon. He raises his good hand to give the door a soft knock but stills when the nerves hit him. What if Lee didn’t tell his friend about me? What if this is just a prank? What if, what if,
What if?
What do you even have to lose?
Nothing. Taehyung answers himself and without another thought he knocks harder than he expected.
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
And then he waits. He waits for five minutes and he knows he should have knocked again or left by the time the first two minutes passed but a part of him had really been deceived to think that this was his last chance. This was his chance.
But no. Five minutes, probably more, of Taehyung just standing there and waiting like an idiot and god— He really just wants to cry. He is so stupid and this was such a stupid idea and why, why can’t he get a damn break?
Taehyung takes in a desperate breath as his throat tightness. Stupid, he tells himself one more time before he is turning around to leave.
Click. There is a sound from behind then door and Taehyung turns. He hears a chain lock before the door swings open. Taehyung blinks as a mess of hair covers his vision.
“Sorry, sorry, I was cleaning the kitchen when I heard your knock and I had to wash my hands before opening the door but the grease wouldn’t come off—“
Oh.
“Taehyung?”
Park Jimin.
-o-
"Hyung," Jungkook gasps, his eyes shut tightly, head leaning back. Seokjin hums, moving back slightly to enjoy the view before he leans forwards again and gives Jungkook's neck a soft kiss before he goes back to sucking a bruise on his collar bone.
Jungkook's hands that are placed on Seokjin's thighs quiver a little before their grip tightens. Seokjin moans, pressing his groin against Jungkook's and then their mouths find each other. They make out, sloppy and carelessly for a bit and then Jungkook gets impatient and begins lifting his body, trying to cause some friction between their groins. Seokjin smiles, grabbing Jungkook's face with both his hands to kiss him properly.
"Hyung," Jungkook repeats when their lips part, this time a little more out of breath. "I want-" Seokjin's right hand moves to hold the back of Jungkook's neck while the left hand grabs his chin tightly, cutting of Jungkook's words. This time when Seokjin brings Jungkook for a kiss its much hotter and filthier.
This is how things usually go between them. This is how Seokjin usually takes Jungkook. He is always in control, always on top. It's not like Seokjin has never bottomed or it's not like Seokjin doesn't know how to be submissive. And Jungkook- well, it's not hard to imagine him as the dominant type. But why is it that every time he is with Seokjin, Jungkook just lets himself go? He always takes what Seokjin gives him and never demands for anything more and that- that hurts. It hurts because Seokjin knows, deep down inside, why Jungkook submits to him. He knows why Jungkook always just takes what he receives. He knows why Jungkook sometimes moves around Seokjin as if he were made of glass; as if any wrong move could break him- them.
He is scared. Even after all these months... even now that they are boyfriends. Seokjin kisses Jungkook one more time as he shuts his eyes to keep the tears from falling. Jungkook is still scared Seokjin is just going to leave.
"Hyung," Jungkook says before he feels his hand touch his cheek. Seokjin doesn't open his eyes. "Are you crying?"
"No." Seokjin says but he knows he has been caught since Jungkook begins to wipe his tears.
"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, his thumbs rubbing circles on his cheeks. He moves back a little, allowing some space to form between the two.
Seokjin takes a few seconds to breathe in and out before, without really thinking, he says; "I can't do this." Jungkook's hands freeze and then silence. Seokjin waits for Jungkook to say something but once the silence begins to feel heavy he dares to open his eyes and- oh, "Jungkook." Seokjin breathes out, alarmed, "god, no." Jungkook's eyes are reflecting so much pain, Seokjin nearly feels all the oxygen in the room leave. He realizes then, his mistake. "I don't mean us- god, look at me." Seokjin stresses once Jungkook's hands leave his face and his head begins to fall. "Please." He pleads and Seokjin hates himself a little for being so insensitive. He hates himself for mentally acknowledging Jungkook's fear only to torment him with it by carelessly speaking.
"What can't you do?" Jungkook asks and the tremble in his voice has Seokjin's heart clenching uncomfortably. "You want to break up?"
"No!" Seokjin says urgently, begging Jungkook to believe him. "I didn't mean us- god, I am sorry." He says, "we were just kissing and I, I thought of something and-" Seokjin laughs humorlessly, "I'm such an idiot."
"I don't understand."
Seokjin sighs before he reaches for Jungkook, placing his hands gently on either side of his face. Jungkook finally meets his eyes and Seokjin leans for a peck and stays there for a second, breathing against Jungkook's lips. "I want to do this." Seokjin says, "I want to date you. I want you to be mine. We are not breaking up." He clarifies.
"Then what..." Jungkook trails off, no longer looking at Seokjin as if he tore his whole world down.
Seokjin leans back, "what I meant to say is that I can't do this the wrong way."
"The wrong way?"
"We started this all wrong." Seokjin says. "I mean we fucked in Cancun for a whole week and then began calling each other boyfriends." Seokjin laughs. "Have I even told you I like you?" It takes a few seconds but Jungkook eventually shakes his head. "I like you." Seokjin then says. He closes his eyes and opens them and then; "I've liked you for so long." Jungkook lets out a soft 'hyung' but Seokjin speaks before he can say anything else. "Remember that day? At my apartment? When you told me you liked me. I liked you too."
"You said-"
"I said I couldn't return your feelings. I know, I remember." A pause, "I lied."
"Why?" Jungkook asks, his voice showing clear distress.
"Because I am an idiot. Because I chose to see you as Yoongi's little brother no matter how much you had grown. How could I let myself fall for someone so young? Jungkook, you deserve so much more." Jungkook opens his mouth but before he can say anything Seokjin adds; "I didn't respect your feelings, I know. It wasn't fair of me but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that it was just a crush. And then-"
"I started seeing Taehyung."
Seokjin smiles, "you started seeing Taehyung." He sighs, "by then my feelings for you had become so strong and everyone knew—”
“Everyone?”
“Things were very awkward between a lot of us. With Jimin and Namjoon constantly fighting I guess you overlooked the real reason for my behaviour around Hoseok and Namjoon but… yeah, we weren’t at the best of terms.” Seokjin reaches for Jungkook’s hands, “I was really bad at hiding how much you affected me. How much your relationship with Taehyung hurt. That’s why I kept my distance. That’s why I tried to turn a blind eye on the situation with you and Hoseok.” Seokjin tightens his hold on Jungkook, “It was killing me to see you all bruised up. I looked after you after every fight and a part of me was overjoyed that you would always come to me.”
“Hyung…”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so stupid. I’m sorry for hurting you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so, so stupid.”
Jungkook kisses him. He kisses him deeply and Seokjin into the kiss, letting Jungkook taste his mouth however he wants. “Jin” Jungkook says once he pulls away, still keeping a short distance between them. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay.”
“It’s in the past,” Jungkook says, giving him a peck, “It’s in the past and yes, you hurt me. But I also hurt you. And I’m sorry—“
“It’s not the same!” Seokjin snaps, tears flowing freely, “I slept with your brother Jungkook!”
“Hey, hey, hey,” Jungkook says tenderly, reaching to keep Seokjin as close as he can, “I know, okay? I know and it hurt— It hurt more than anything. But I forgive you.”
“You shouldn’t—“
“I forgive you.” Jungkook interrupts, “I forgive you, okay? I know… I know why you did it. I know why hyung— I swear it’s okay, Jin.” Seokjin chokes up, choosing to rest his head against Jungkook’s neck. Jungkook wraps his arms around him tightly without hesitation and just like that, Seokjin relaxes, breathing in Jungkook’s cologne as he lets the tears run freely. This is not what Seokjin had planned for the day but feeling the warmth Jungkook radiates… it’s more than enough.
-o-
Taehyung doesn’t go to the little ‘friends’ meeting but he does meet up with Namjoon for lunch after he threatens Taehyung with visiting him at his dorm until he agrees to hang out with him.
“I haven’t seen you in two months.” Is the first thing Namjoon tells him when they meet up. “I know Jimin was involved in your accident.” Is the second thing he says and, “why didn’t you tell us you are no longer staying at the dorms.” Is the third.
Taehyung chokes up, stutters and almost visibly flinches with every word. He ends up staring at Namjoon, mouth wide open and mind unable to come up with any excuse to address any of Namjoon’s statements. After a few minutes of just silence Namjoon sighs and leaves to order their food. When he comes back with two burger combos Taehyung can no longer meet his eyes, feeling ashamed.
“Maybe I should have taken a different approach.” Namjoon says, “I apologize. I’m just a little mad.”
“Hyung—“
“I have missed you.” Namjoon cuts him off, “It’s been a long time. It really upsets me when you avoid me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I hope it wasn’t because of your accident.” Namjoon continues, “Hoseok told me you fell because you were careless. He said you were feeling down and well, Hoseok may be a good liar but you aren’t.” Taehyung’s mouth goes dry at that, “You told Hoseok you didn’t take anything but that you’ve been wanting to.” Namjoon explains and Taehyung realizes his mistake then, “since I’ve met you every time you have the urge to take anything you contact me.”
Taehyung feels dirty, “hyung—”
“Regardless of how things are between us. Regardless of how you are feeling. Regardless of any problems— you always contact me.” Namjoon shrugs, “of course Hoseok has no way of knowing that. You probably told him that so he would leave you alone and not push with the questions. I know you don’t like talking to Hoseok about this but I just found the whole situation suspicious. I called the doctor that looked after you and well, you can imagine how surprised I was when I heard him mention your friend Jimin.”
“Hyung, I can explain—” Taehyung tries but Namjoon waves him of.
“You don’t need to. Just answer this; did Jimin hurt you?”
The lie is at the tip of his tongue but Namjoon was clear earlier; Hoseok may be a good liar but Taehyung isn’t. “Yes.” There are countless emotions running through Namjoon’s eyes the moment he says that and Taehyung can’t help but feel something horrible push against his chest. “I provoked him,” He offers, “I said something and… he just pushed me. I landed wrongly on my shoulder.”
Namjoon nods, his eyes still clouded with various emotions, “okay.” There is nothing okay about this, Taehyung thinks but he doesn’t say anything else. “What about your dorm? I went to visit you two days ago and the building rep said you had moved out last week.” This, Taehyung truly doesn’t know how to answer. “I asked Jungkook and he didn’t know anything about it.” Crap. Crap. Crap. “Where are you staying now?”
“My student loans were cut this years so staying at the dorms would have been too much.” Taehyung starts, his heart pounding against his rib cage. He measures his words carefully, thinking that if he says the right things maybe Namjoon won't need to know all the details. “Finding a place was hard so I didn’t want you guys to worry.”
“Why not stay with us?”
Taehyung shakes his head. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”
“Is it Jungkook?” Namjoon asks and then shakes his head, “It’s Hoseok, right?”
“it’s more than just that—“
“You can’t continue avoiding him forever. You have to talk to him eventually. Especially if you…” Namjoon pauses, examining Taehyung’s face before saying; “… still have feelings for him.”
Taehyung lets out a little whine as he shakes his head a little too roughly. “It’s not— Hoseok is not the reason— look hyung, I just, I just don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am.”
“Tae—“
“I found a place. Close to school. Cheap rent.” Taehyung breathes in and out, “it’s great.” Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.
“Okay.”
Thank god. “As long as your happy.”
Taehyung nods, trying to look as enthusiastic as possible. “The happiest.”
They eat the rest of their lunch with light conversation. Taehyung talks to Namjoon about his jobs, telling him all the drama with his coworkers and in turn Namjoon talks about his job and about his internships and about how things are still just a little hard.
Do you miss him? Taehyung wants to ask but he doesn’t trust himself to talk about Park Jimin so he doesn’t. Namjoon does end up telling him about Jungkook and Seokjin and how it seems like things are finally, finally working out. Taehyung promises him that he is not upset about it and Namjoon believes him because it’s the truth. It’s about Hoseok that they don’t talk about. Taehyung is sure that just like he is afraid of bringing up Jimin, Namjoon must be afraid of bringing up Hoseok. He is okay with that. Talking about Hoseok always hurts anyways.
Near the end of the their lunch Namjoon mentions a little exhibitions he has planned for the end of the month. It’s something he has been working on for some time and Taehyung promises he will make time to go see it. Namjoon smiles at him for the first time for the day and then they part ways.
Taehyung feels a little lighter after talking with Namjoon but that feeling quickly leaves him as he approaches his apartment.
It shouldn’t be later than four o’clock and if his calculations are correct he has about two hours before he has to go to work. He has a few assignments he needs to start working on before he heads to work so Taehyung might need to skip showering until after work. He also needs to organize his pictures for the next photography assignment which is due next week but that can wait until tomorrow— enough guilt is suffocating him as it is.
Taehyung enters his apartment quietly.
Jimin is focused on his phone as he lays on the couch “Hey.” He greets.
“Hey,” Taehyung echoes, taking off his shoes.
“I ordered take out.”
Taehyung hums, “I already ate lunch.”
“I’ll save some for dinner.”
“Okay.” Taehyung walks into his room and locks the door behind him. He leans against the door before sliding down to the ground. With his one good hand he pushes his hair back, letting his head lean back against the door.
Taehyung breathes in deeply.
What the fuck am I doing?
-o-