Chapter Text
James closed the door of the bathroom with a bang and sank to the ground. Putting a hand over his mouth, he stifled a sob and clenched his eyes closed. Muffling his cries, he knew he couldn’t make any sound, just in case he had the misfortune of someone hearing his moment of weakness.
Where the hell had it all gone so wrong?
What started as a good morning had quickly turned into the opposite, and James knew that he had reached the end of his rope. He couldn’t handle this anymore… it was just too much.
All of a sudden, he started to feel the four walls closing in on him, breathing picking up as his anxiety skyrocketed. He had to leave the twins house as soon as he possibly could.
Reaching a perfectly manicured hand around to the back pocket of his high waisted shorts, he unlocked his phone. As the phone screen swayed in front of him, he realised his hands were shaking, but he managed to call an uber to take him home to his new house. Confirming it was eight minutes away, James let out a soft breath as relief flooded through him. He grabbed the sink in front of him to lift himself off the ground.
Looking in the mirror, all James could see was how god damn broken he looked. He looked worn and tired. To the world, he managed to keep up his portrayal of perfect smiles and lashes and everything perfect, but today just proved how much hurt he was carrying inside of him, afraid to let it show.
James rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was being and scolded himself, but the feeling of betrayal and hurt was too much for him to see anything less than a scared little boy when he looked at his reflection.
All of a sudden, a banging at the door startled a gasp out of his mouth.
“C’mon James you’ve been in there for ages now, are you coming back out to the couch?”
James closed his eyes again and let out a quick breath of relief, thanking everything that it was Emma who had come to look for him and not anyone else.
Taking a deep breath in, he checked his phone and was relieved to see his uber was almost out the front of the driveway. He must have been in the bathroom longer than he realised.
An escape route planned, he took one final glance at the mirror to make sure he still looked put together. Plastering a nonchalant look onto his face, he stepped forward and opened the door, only to see Emma leaning against the wall, one hand on her ponytail and the other on her hip.
James forced a smile. “Look I’m not feeling too great girl, I’m just going to go home alright?”
By Emma’s less than impressed face, his ‘smile’ apparently wasn’t good enough to prove that he was, in fact, perfectly fine.
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Are you alright, James? I know things were getting a bit intense out there, but I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”
James opened his mouth to answer her but was cut off by deep laughter coming from down the hallway. Anything he was going to reply was cut off sharply by the reminder of exactly why he wanted to get out in the first place.
“Look I’m just going to go alright? Tell the-,” he paused and swallowed fast before replying, “boys I said bye. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Emma made to grab his slender arm, but he brushed by her, heading for the door. Moving through the front hallway, he said a silent thank you to his past self for leaving his bag sitting on the front table when he’d come in earlier that day.
He knew Emma wanted to ask more and make sure he was fine, but he also was grateful she knew him well enough to know she wouldn’t get anything out of him tonight. So, with that, flashing one more grimace-smile to Emma, he opened the front door.
He had successfully made it outside on to the front step and was turning to shut the door behind him when an all too distinctive voice rang out.
“James! Where do you think you’re going?”
Grayson.
Grayson god damn Dolan.
Alternatively known as the bane of James’s existence, the day had been long enough that any slack James was willing to cut for the younger boy no longer existed. As far as he was concerned, Grayson didn’t deserve anything from him after the stunt he had pulled today.
So, with one final look right into his green eyes, James slammed the door shut behind him.
Perhaps if they had have been in one of James’ videos, the door slam might have been a clean cut and end scene.
As it stood, real life wasn’t exactly being that nice to him today.
He marched towards the front gate and had just gotten past it when he heard the crunching on the long gravel driveway behind him.
Thanking god for his head start, he began to speed up, moving faster towards the awaiting car, sure he would make it out in time. Making his way through the front gates, just as he was leaning down to open the door to his uber, one strong, muscled arm gripped his and pulled him around where he stood.
James gulped as he stared into Grayson’s dark green eyes, chest rising faster at the sudden proximity. He felt his mask slide over his face, one he had perfected through years of being hurt by people, and steeled himself.
Taking a deep breath, James hissed. “Let go of me, Grayson.”
Grayson’s face pulled back in hurt at the sharp comment. He shook his head, “Why are you going? Why didn’t you say bye? You- you always say bye.”
A flash of something flickered across James’s face, and he wasn’t brave enough to recognize it for the softening it was at the younger boys’ words. Luckily, he covered it quickly enough, and the momentary softness was replaced again by anger.
“Why am I going?” He laughed bitterly. “If you can’t figure that out Grayson, maybe you’re a whole lot dumber than I thought.”
He tried to pull back, but Grayson just gripped him tighter.
“James, it was a joke! I don’t even know why you’re upset, it was totally fine.” James scoffed as Grayson continued, running his free hand through his dark brown hair.
“It was just a video, James, you need to chill.”
At this, James felt his blood boil.
A joke?
A freaking joke?
This was his breaking point. With one perfectly manicured finger, he dug into the hand wrapped around his arm. Leaning closer he whispered angrily, “You’re hurting me, Grayson. Get your hands off me!”
The younger boy’s eyes flashed with regret, and he quickly released James’ arm, stumbling backwards in shock as if he had forgotten the strength he had in comparison to the slender boy.
James stepped backwards as Grayson released him, realising he had been practically backed up against the car the entire time. Realising how intense they must have looked, he let out a shrill, fake laugh.
“Just kidding Gray, it’s so fine. Doesn’t matter anyways right, like you said it was just a joke, yea?” He opened the door to the car and swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I’ll get my manager to contact you about the video’s release date. I’m going home.”
“Wait, James- what do you mean your manager? Just text me.” Grayson put an arm out as if to stop him from closing the door, but James had learnt his lesson the first time. Slamming the door closed with a bang, he turned to his left and made a hasty apology to driver for taking so long, and for the scene he had just witnessed.
As the car pulled out, James glanced into the side mirror to see Grayson standing on the side walk where he had left him, one hand on his neck and the other balled in a tight fist at his side.
All the anxiety and panic he had felt earlier came rushing back to him in one fell swoop.
Digging his long nails into his bare legs, he willed himself to wait until he got home before the tears started falling down.
God, he was stupid.
Why on earth did he ever think falling for someone like Grayson Dolan was a good idea?