Chapter Text
"Is that even something I want?"
Hitoshi blinked over at Midoriya in groggy confusion.
"Midoriya, it's two in the fucking morning. You're gonna wake Tokoyami and he just got to sleep."
The two of them were sharing the queen sized hotel bed nearest the window of the room, awaiting the morning when they'd all take a school bus to San Antonio True Valor High School where they were participating in a weeklong exchange program. After a long bus ride complete with memes, love confessions and nearly breaking down in the southeastern corner of nowhere, the class had all gotten to San Antonio exactly 45 minutes behind schedule. It was Sunday, so they'd all been set up in a buddy system and let loose on the Mall of the Americas; Present Mic had given express instructions not to go further than the parking garage or leave the mall grounds to go further down the river walk. Only about half the class actually obeyed this order, however, and it took way too long to wrangle everyone and get them all situated in their hotel rooms to get some shut eye before school in the morning. Hitoshi had just been about to drift off into his usual half-sleep that the insomnia insisted would be the deepest sleep he got on a regular basis when Midoriya's soft voice had made itself known.
Said Midoriya jumped like he hadn't expected Hitoshi to be awake. An easy mistake to make. "Sorry, I..." he trailed off and Hitoshi felt the comforter shift as Modoriya sat up against the headboard. "I thought you were asleep, I wasn't really talking to you, sorry."
Hitoshi looked up at Midoriya's faraway gaze fixed on the wall. "Well what prompted that then?"
"Nothing."
Midoriya wasn't usually this cagey, it was weird.
"Midoriya."
"Yes?"
"What are you thinking about?"
The petit boy sitting next to Hitoshi sighed and turned his face back down to him.
"I want to ask why you care, but that would be rude and an insult to our friendship so I won't."
Hitoshi gave him one of his more potent 'Okay???' faces. Midoriya gave him an uncharacteristic cryptic smile and went on, looking at the wall again.
"You know how Todoroki and Iida started dating... literally just yesterday?"
"Yeah?" Was this going to turn into a conversation about girls? Or guys, Hitoshi had no idea who Midoriya was into.
"Well it got me thinking about how Bakugou and Kirishima have been together a long time and... I honestly didn't think Bakugou had a romantic bone in his body and I can see why Kirishima likes him... sorta... but I guess I just... I dunno, I feel like I kind of lost to him 'cause here's the guy who made most of my life miserable and he's in a healthy relationship that actively makes him a better person and I'm... just sort of here. It's stupid, I'm sorry for waking you up with it."
Hitoshi sat up next to Midoriya and the two just sort of sat there in the sounds of the air conditioning and the even breathing of their roommates.
"You don't act like he made most of your life miserable."
"Oh- well y'see... uh... let's not talk about that..." Midoriya turned his face away. Hitoshi felt the urge to take his face in his hand and turn it back to himself, but he wasn't as gung ho as Midoriya was about poking into your friend's personal space on a whim.
"Alright." Hitoshi looked toward the wall Midoriya's attentions had been previously occupied by. "So you don't know if you really want a relationship or if it's a weird bandwagon effect?"
"Exa-!" Midoriya whipped back around to face Hitoshi who quickly shushed him to prevent him from waking Tokoyami or Ojiro. "Exactly." He whispered.
"Hm. I've never had that problem, so I don't know how much help I'd be."
"You've never thought about being in a relationship?"
"Well..." Hitoshi angled his face in an attempt to hide the embarrassed flush that took over his face. "Actually it's... kind of the opposite."
Midoriya blinked a moment before smiling a soft little side smile. "Who knew you were a romantic?"
"That's capital R Romantic. I am fucking Mary Shelly Romantic; watch me keep my dead future husband's calcified heart in the corner of my writing desk wrapped in gothic love poems."
Midoriya's giggle sounded mildly unsettled. "You made that up, there's no way she actually did that."
"Look it up if you don't believe me." Hitoshi smirked. Midoriya waved his hands around in that flaffy way he does when he's flustered.
"Nooo way, if I confirm it, it'll sound less insane."
Hitoshi snickered but quickly hushed Midoriya and himself when he heard Tokoyami rustling nearby.
"So you're Capital R Romantic." Midoriya's smile held enough mirth for more laughter than the two could reasonably let loose without waking the entire floor and Hitoshi felt like a little nightlight had turned on in his soul.
"Don't you dare tell anyone, this class is chaos in a bottle and there's no telling what they'd do with that information."
"Don't worry, I won't tell a soul." He drew an X over his heart and held out his pinky to Hitoshi. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
Hitoshi linked his pinkie with Midoriya's and smiled.
"Bakugou may have whatever it is that Kirishima wants, but you're a pastel ball of lightning and smiles, and everyone could use one of those."
Midoriya sputtered and Hitoshi put a finger to his lips to signal him to quiet down. He continued to make the verbal equivalent to keymashing, but much quieter.
"Where did that come from?" Midoriya hissed.
"You give off soft vibes, have a lot of energy, and are always smiling through things. You're a pastel ball of lightning and smiles."
"Hitoshi, you have no right to... word so... pretty." Midoriya looked like he was scrambling for better adjectives but only really came up with that sentence.
"Wording pretty is part of my quirk's entire deal." Hitoshi shrugged. He couldn't deny the way the comment made him preen internally. He was kind of a sucer for positive reinforcement like that.
"Yeah, but with words like that you're more likely to leave someone speechless than get them to respond."
"I mean, it doesn't really matter if the response is coherent."
Midoriya chuckled quietly and Hitoshi thought he saw him flush faintly for half a second.
"Well anyway, even if I'm a pastel ball of lightning and smiles, the thing that got us on this train of thought in the first place was rather or not I wanna be someone's boyfriend."
"Correct."
"So... I guess... how do you know you wanna be someone's boyfriend?"
Hitoshi thought to himself for a moment and shifted position.
"I... I've always liked the idea that everyone has someone that they can spend their life with. Someone they can share their heart with. It's something I've always wanted, like being a hero but softer. It was kind of one of the things that kept me going through elementary and middle school. I mean, aside from spite."
Midoriya gave a light snort of laughter in response.
"The idea that even if everyone else was afraid of me and hated me and didn't have any faith in me, that there was someone out there who could embrace me and love me and put their full faith in me and all I had to do was wait and find them. That made me happy. And now I have you guys who just... instantly accepted me? Which I'm not at all used to. And you trust me. I'm an important part of the family. But even after I got all that, I've still got this little piece of me that wants someone to fall asleep next to and move mountains for. Someone to... meld my soul to. Y'know?"
Hitoshi looked to Midoriya and realized when he saw the dumbfounded look on his face how much he'd just said. A slight blush creeped up to Hitoshi's cheeks and he looked away.
"That's amazing Hitoshi." Midoriya's awed whisper pulled Hitoshi's gaze back to him.
"I... it just sorta came out that way." Hitoshi mumbled.
"You have too many pretty words, Shinsou." Midoriya's voice was sprinkled with laughter and it felt like that little night light he'd turned on had started projecting shooting stars and planets across Hitoahi's insides. Hitoshi realized instantly what that little night light meant and started maybe freaking out a little internally.
"Well, y'know how it is when you do something so much it becomes second nature."
"... I think I want a relationship like that."
"Like what now?"
"Something that feels like second nature. You find someone you start to love and it just grows over time and it feels like you could just keep loving them more and more each day into infinity. I like that idea."
Hitoshi suddenly felt like he was going to cry and he wasn't sure why.
"So you do genuinely want to be with someone?" Hitoshi thought it best to continue with the primary thread of conversation instead of switching randomly to 'You make my heart go all shimmery and I want to be that person you love more and more every day'. It could very well be how late it was clouding his judgement.
"I... Well, maybe. Not now, but one day. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few years... but I do know I don't wanna go my entire life without being romantically entangled with someone."
Hitoshi's stupid heart felt like it would vibrate at a frequency that could shatter glass as that night light spun its little solar systems around and around his stomach.
"We may just make a lowercase r romantic out of you yet." Hitoshi said, gripping the sheets with the hand Midoriya couldn't see.
"What about Capital R Romantic?" Midoriya pouted. Damn it Hitoshi just might cry with the way the light filtering through the double layered hotel curtains made Midoriya's face and hair contrast in varying shades of blue. How his freckles stood out like movie stars in the beveled crescent spotlights over his cheekbones and the way his emerald eyes held onto all the light in the room and seemed to be handing it all to Hitoshi like a collection of recently found seashells. Hitoshi didn't dare try focusing on Midoriya's lips because he knew his heart wouldn't be able to take it and he'd break down and yank his friend into a kiss he'd probably be neither expecting nor wanting.
"Being a Capital R Romantic is hard work." Hitoshi managed to sound like every cell in his body wasn't buzzing and his mind wasn't screaming at him to just end the damn conversation and try to sleep. Or at least wait for Midoriya to fall asleep then sneak out and... well he hadn't thought past that but he'd figure something out.
"Hey, I'm a hard worker." God DAMN IT Midoriya, please, stop doing this to me! "I think I can do it."
"Well..." Calm down Hitoshi. You're being emotional. Remember what Aizawa said. Composure is your greatest weapon "Maybe you should sleep on it." Hitoshi promptly shuffled himself back under the covers and turned his back to the newfound object of his affections.
"Oh. Oh shoot, you're right, what time even is it? How will I stay awake-"
"Just. Sleep." Hitoshi cut him off. He felt the covers shifting and herd the shuffling noises of Midoriya getting comfortable.
"Goodnight Shinsou."
"Night." Hitoshi closed his eyes and hoped the night light would shut itself off. He floated around in that exhausted stupor that he usually floated around in for a few hours before catching a little sleep.
Why does this happen now of all times? Why did he have to have his mini crisis whatever at 2 AM in a hotel in Texas? Why did I have to talk so much? Why does he have to be so pretty and bright? Why am I thinking about all this?
Midoriya's breath evened out and Hitoshi sighed in relief.
"I know you can't hear me," Hitoshi's croaking, exhausted voice came out nearly inaudible. "But I hope you know this Capital R Romantic really hopes you decide you want someone to love soon."