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Natasha Romanoff was a spy, first and foremost.
She prided herself in her abilities to read people and always choose the winning side. But something about Anthony Edward Stark messed with her instincts, made her second guess herself. He unsettled her, with his perfect masks and unflappable demeanor. He acted like diamond but shattered like glass, and it confused her. And Natasha Romanoff hated being confused.
When the Civil War came, Natasha started on Tony’s side. She figured that he knew what he was doing; after all, he had been in politics his whole life, one way or another. But at the airport, she made a fatal miscalculation: she bet against Tony Stark. She threw her lot in with Steve, and she left Tony behind with a crack about his ego.
Unsurprisingly, Tony won their little spat. It wasn’t a victory he wanted, hell, she wouldn’t want that kind of victory, but it was the one he got ( not the one he deserved , an insidious voice in her head whispered. He deserved better than you ). She, along with the other Rogue Avengers, were whisked off to Wakanda by Steve, who had come back from Siberia down a shield and his best friend’s arm. He refused to say what happened, which made Natasha’s spy instincts go crazy. Against her better judgement (again), she ignored them.
And, oh, was that a mistake.
But Wakanda had made it easy to become complacent, little sheep following the leader. Vitriol against Tony was the same as pleasant conversation, and she was as guilty as the rest. She made cracks about his ego, his daddy issues (which had earned her a reprimand from Steve, because he somehow thought Howard was a good man), and his wealth, while ignoring all of the good he had done for her and the rest. She nodded when Wanda called him a murderer, even though she knew, she knew , that it hadn’t been Tony’s bomb that had killed her parents. She laughed when Clint mocked the man for his wealth and ignored the pit in her stomach that told her that they had all been fine with his “blood money” when they wanted things. She agreed when Steve called him selfish, careless, not a team player, even though Natasha could attest to those things being patently untrue (he had taken in all of them, the ticking time bomb that was the Avengers, without complaint. How could a man like that be selfish?).
When Tony reappeared after Siberia, bloodied and bruised, arc reactor firmly back in place, he condemned her along with the rest. Her betrayal, she knew, was more personal to him than Sam’s or Clint’s.
Because they had been friends .
Tony had been the one Natasha opened up to, and she had been the one who promised to always have his back. He gave her a home , and she threw it away to follow some half-cocked American flag on a mission to burn the world down for one man.
She could see in his (many, too many) media appearances the exhaustion that clung to him like a dear friend (his closest friend, except maybe the bottle. Had he started drinking again after she left? She wouldn't blame him if he did) the toll that the Accords had taken on Tony. He was fighting alone, she figured.
Another miscalculation. He was not alone.
Tony had secured pardons for all of them, even Barnes, when he was ready, so they could come back to the US. They weren’t allowed to do anything internationally until they signed the Accords, because Tony wasn’t a miracle worker. Natasha knew this, and she still joined with the others in their saying that he hadn’t done enough to make up for his crimes. That he threw them in the Raft, he should pay for that by solving all their problems. She bashed the man who was once her friend and shoved down the twinges of guilt. Spies had no room for guilt (guilt was weakness, and there was no room for weaknesses in the Red Room).
Tony had met them at their airport when they returned from Wakanda. His eyes were hidden behind his trademark shades, but there was no hiding the glow in his chest. Steve had a look of regret on his face, but it passed so quickly into anger that she doubted that it was ever there.
“I thought he had the reactor taken out,” Clint said quietly from behind her. Steve flinched, almost imperceptibly.
“Me too,” their leader said, sounding (lost) angry.
“I see you’re all here,” Tony- no, this was Mr. Stark , the renowned businessman who could shut anyone down with a single word- said coolly. “You’ve read your pardons, I assume. Since you’ve already signed, they are legally binding and you are to follow them to the letter. Or don’t, and give me a reason to throw you to the wolves. Your living area in the Compound is much the same. Any questions?”
“Why are you so petty?” Wanda screeched, red magic coalescing at her fingertips and shooting towards Tony.
“Strike one,” Tony deadpanned, as the red tendrils were devoured by gold. “Stay out of my head, Maximoff. Or you won’t like the consequences.”
“Tony,” Steve pleaded. “Don’t pick on Wanda unnecessarily. She’s just a kid, it's a given that she’s going to have trouble adjusting, especially with all your new… rules.”
Tony cocked an eyebrow. “So you approve of child soldiers now?” he asked innocently, leaving Steve to splutter. “I have work to do. I trust you all can find the front door without my assistance?” Without waiting for an answer, the engineer’s armor assembled around him, coming from seemingly nowhere, and he took off.
Natasha figured she was the only one to notice the minute shakes in Tony’s hands, the fear evident in the lines of his body when Steve had spoken. She was a spy, after all, unlike the others.
---
They had been at the Compound for three days before Natasha tried to approach Tony.
She figured he needed a bit of space to come to terms with their arrival. Steve and Clint had already tried approaching him, to no avail, on the first day. Tony had rebuffed them with a look (in Steve’s case) and a thinly veiled threat (in Clint’s).
“FRIDAY, where is Tony right now?” Natasha asked the AI, planning to intercept him if he wasn’t in the workshop. The engineer was always in the workshop, which she had no access to (she tried, both with codes and hacking FRIDAY. Her hack earned her her first strike).
“Boss is in the common area, Miss Romanoff,” The AI said mechanically. Natasha figured Tony had learned his lesson after Ultron and stopped making his AI’s like people. So she didn’t thank FRIDAY the way she might’ve JARVIS, once upon a time; instead, she quickly walked to the common room, intent on intercepting the elusive billionaire.
Tony was sitting on the couch as if he had no care in the world. He didn’t stiffen at Natasha’s approach, so she figured FRIDAY had warned him already.
“Tony,” Natasha said, letting some vulnerability seep into her voice.
“Yes, Romanoff?” Tony didn’t even turn around.
“I wanted to talk to you, find out where we stand,” Natasha figured laying out her motives immediately was the best course of action. She didn’t think Tony would respond well to lies.
Tony scoffed. “We don’t stand anywhere, Romanoff,” he said sharply. “We aren’t friends. We are at most allies, and I highly doubt that you wouldn’t stab me in the back if it served your goals.”
“God,” she sneered. “Can’t you see past your ego and accept that we’re back now? It’d be a lot easier for you if you attempted to make amends.” Natasha hadn’t meant to say that, she came to be contrite and hopefully win Tony over. But something about him ripped down her walls, loosened her tongue, and she hated him for it.
Tony didn’t even respond, just got up and left, like she wasn’t worth his time. But she saw his hands twitch, the conscious effort he made to steady his breathing, and saw the truth.
Before she could respond to that (exploit that, once a spy, always a spy ), he was gone, leaving her alone in the common room.
---
“Face it, Tony, without us, you’re all alone,” Natasha spat at the billionaire, who was resolutely ignoring her attempts at conversation.
That comment, though, got a rise out of Tony. “Wow,” he said mildly. “You’re even dumber than I thought. Stephen?”
Natasha felt her mouth drop open a little bit as a man in a red cape entered the room in a shimmer of gold light.
She recognized the man as Doctor Stephen Strange, Sorcerer Supreme ( threat level 4 ). Strange arched an eyebrow, a very Tony-esque move that raised her hackles.
“What’d she do this time?” Strange said, giving Tony a chaste kiss.
Tony smirked. “She implied, using her stellar profiling and observational skills, that I’m all alone without the Rogue Avengers,” He snorted. “As if.”
Strange turned his cool gaze on her, and she let her Black Widow persona bleed through. She wasn’t going to be cowed by him (even though he could probably beat her in a fight, and not many people could. Fucking magic.).
“Romanoff, are you projecting?” he said snidely. “Do you feel all alone? Because Tony sure as hell doesn’t, and there’s literally nowhere else you could’ve gotten that batshit idea. You do know he has a team , right? One that actually takes care of him? Cares about him? They’re all his friends, actual friends. And of course, he has me.”
Natasha sneered. “You’re nothing to him, Strange,” she hissed. “He chews up his so-called friends and spits them out. He breaks whatever he touches, you’ll see.”
Strange looked mildly shocked. “I thought you said she was good at keeping her cool?” he said lightly to Tony.
Tony fixed her with a glare. “I thought so, too. I guess finding out that your friends are done with you hurts a little bit. Who knew? Oh, wait, I did.”
Natasha refused to look ashamed as she fled, but she felt it. What had she done?