Chapter Text
Karlie doesn't bite her nails anymore- she hasn't since she was 14- but she finds herself sitting on her hands just in case.
"Since Taylor won't come to your wedding, you have to attend one of her shows," Scooter says. Her manager is usually distracted during their meetings but right now he's making eye contact. Karlie regrets complaining that he was always preoccupied with another client when they had scheduled meetings. What she wouldn't do for some insane Bieber drama to be unfolding right now instead of... this.
"I can't," she says. "Taylor doesn't want to see me."
"Taylor doesn't want to be outed." He frowns. "You know what it's going to look like if you don't go to any of her shows and she doesn't make an appearance at your wedding. The media is already spinning out of control about whether you're feuding and articles about a Kaylor breakup have been surfacing."
Karlie knew he was right. They both had public patterns of intense female friendships that burned bright and beautiful for a time and then suddenly ended with no explanation. Friendships were enduring, or at least rekindled once a year at brunch or a big event, and it was difficult to make a painful breakup look like two platonic friends growing apart because of time and distance. Karlie was better at sweet social media posts and sugary smiles with her exes- probably because she had always been good at staying friends with the girls she slept with. She would send carnations with an inside joke or run up to them at a party and throw her arms around them and giggle when they looked surprised. It was hard to hold a grudge against Karlie Kloss. But of course, she had emotionally destroyed the one girl who was hardwired to hold a grudge. Taylor Swift did not stay friends with her exes.
Taylor loved harder than anyone Karlie had ever met. She was all in from the first baking session in Karlie's New York City apartment where Taylor sat on the kitchen counter and they shared their first kiss, lips sticky with chocolate and brown sugar, and then danced around the kitchen in the refrigerator light. Karlie could still hear Taylor saying, "I hope we fall madly, deeply in love." Karlie had laughed because she was young and didn't know the girl next to her would become her everything faster than she could comprehend.
The flip side of how hot Taylor burned when she was happy was how cold her disappointment felt. Karlie used to envy Taylor's ability to completely detach from people who had once meant everything to her. Until that person was her.
Taylor had taken down all of their Polaroids in front of her. Karlie sat on the couch with her legs crossed while Taylor ripped photos off the wall and threw them into a shoebox. She grabbed a Sharpie and glared at Karlie while she wrote,"Breakup Song Writing Material", on the lid. "Anything else I should put in here?" Taylor said. "The necklace I gave you? My cookie recipe that you ruined with your lipstick?" Karlie told her she was being ridiculous. Taylor went into her bedroom and locked the door. She never came out, so Karlie left. Taylor stopped responding to her texts and voicemails. Karlie stopped trying.
"So I go to her show and then what?" Karlie asks. "We take a selfie and I say something about how we're still best friends and then we don't see each other until I'm married to someone else. And she's still not at my wedding. And we're still not friends. She's going to come out eventually, I don't know why I need to pretend for one night so some teenagers won't post on Tumblr about how the only reason we haven't talked is because we had a passionate love affair."
Scooter rolls his eyes. "You're going. I'm sorry, but Taylor Swift is still a huge part of your brand. Your social media engagement numbers are dropping. Being seen with Taylor will get you some buzz."
Karlie slams her hand down on the table. "This isn't a game, this is my life!" She immediately regrets her outburst but doesn't apologize.
Scooter isn't phased. "Which show do you want to attend? LA might be fun."
The thing is, Karlie misses her. She misses the way Taylor looked at her in the morning when her skin was splotchy and her eyes were tired. She misses Taylor's smirk when they would hold hands in public and look directly into the cameras. She misses how it felt to know that the most beautiful, talented girl thought she was sunshine. When Taylor's music plays in public, Karlie's hands shake. She watches the videos of Taylor on the B-stage and she knows some of the old songs she sings for her fans are tearing her apart. She still wants to hold her while she cries about the girls who came before her and tell her everything is going to be alright.
Karlie knows if she doesn't end the meeting soon she'll break down crying, and she's never been the one who loses control of her emotions in front of people. She takes a deep breath. "I'll go to Nashville," she says.
Scooter nods and adds the date to her calendar.
When Karlie gets back to her apartment, she pulls up Taylor's contact and stares at it for a good twenty minutes before she makes a call. Her heart is pounding as the phone rings and when it goes to voicemail, her heart drops. She can't tell if she's relieved or disappointed.
She holds the phone away from her ear and covers the speaker so she doesn't have to listen to Taylor's voicemail message.
"Hi," she says, softly. "It's me. Um, I know you don't want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you before your team tells you. I'm coming to your Nashville show. If you don't want to see me, I'll just be photographed there and I'll leave right away. But if you want me backstage, let me know, okay?" She hangs up before she starts saying stupid things like, "I miss you" or "I'm never going to stop loving you."