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Waking up was simultaneously the best and the worst part of Izuku’s day.
Most days the green haired boy had been able to merely stifle a yawn, forget what he had been pounding into his brain the night before, and move on with his day. He would smile naturally and greet each classmate with the warm rays of happiness that his friendliness naturally emitted. And it made everyone’s day that much better.
They didn’t have a clue.
The thought makes Izuku chuckle a bit through his tears. The irony of the situation making him delusional and amused. His laughter bubbles as he clutched his pillow in a suffocating embrace.
It can be so difficult to pull yourself together. To tell your brain that everything is fine and instead of relaxing, your brain just works itself up more and more. It tears you down inside and rots your teeth. Until they’re falling out of your skull and there’s no way to fix it nothing you can do except plaster on the fake smile everyone is used to. The last thing he needs is someone asking him why he looks so sad
‘Youre always so happy Midoriya-kun! What’s going on with you? Are you okay?’
The truth was simple
Midoriya Izuku was NOT okay.
He hid it well. The desire to die the desire to hurt the desire to feel beyond the emptiness knawing in the center of his stomach. He plastered on that smile and soon allowed himself to forget about it, ignore the insufferable state he was tossed into. He concerned himself with others and helped them, comforted them, cared about them. And then once their tears dried, once they were shining brighter than ever, he was left alone once again.
And his only friend was the suffocating silence that permeated every pore in his body. And he finds himself falling into the depths of the night once again suffocated by the darkness and trapped in a downward spiral. But he coped and he embraced it and eventually he enjoyed it. Eventually he relied on the companionship of the lonely night.
Maybe he would never be okay. But for now, this twisted friendship was all he had left. And if he let that go, Well, he doesn’t want to think about it
So he closes his eyes and holds his breath. Teeth biting into his cheek as hard as he can without breaking the skin. And dives into oblivion where he can never be saved.