Chapter Text
Almaria
I could feel my heartbeat in every part of my body. Somehow I knew, but I was still not prepared for the truth. When the healer told me, I went into a state of shock. She, of course, informed me that I should try and avoid doing that. I gave no promises in my thoughts but only nodded. I guess I shocked her with what I said next.
“This will be our secret.” I whispered. She stared at me, eyes wide. I could only guess she was wondering why I wouldn’t want to tell him. I couldn’t tell him. How could I? He’s already had a wife in the past and children currently. In fact, I consider Arwen and myself to be very close. We’ve never had a relationship much like friends, though. It was always been more like a teacher and student. Arwen herself has admitted to seeing me as a guide. I’ve always been honored. Still, this particular time it was not planned. He and Celebrian were at least betrothed. He and I haven’t even planned for marriage, yet we’ve spoken about it.
“But my lady, shouldn’t we inform Lord Elrond immediately?” She hesitantly negated. I shook my head. It’s unheard of for an elven child to be born out of wedlock.
“No.” I said seriously, my voice dropping. Her eyes became frightened, and I’d realized what I’d done. “Not yet at least. I need to figure some things out”. She nodded and bowed as I left. I walked slowly down the hall. I can’t tell him. I don’t even want to know myself. Once again I’ll mention that we’ve not even been wed yet. I didn’t think we would be soon. Elves don’t remarry except for odd cases of usually both elves’ partners dying before returning to the undying lands. I swallowed thickly. I need to calm down. I can’t let anyone know something is wrong. No one.
I came to Rivendell from the Greenwood many years ago. I was originally sent as a messenger of sorts, the most trusted in the kingdom. I was a warrior through and through since I was a child. That was before I became a warrior specifically for the Elven King Thranduil; before I worked at his side. I could stand up to even him in a sword fight. I’d say our bouts are around 2,347 to 2,349, but who’s really counting? Either way, I’m disciplined, intelligent, stealthy, and have the will and self-control of a true soldier. So why is this slowly making me go insane?!
I sat outside, overlooking the waterfalls. Galadriel and Celeborn are coming. Soon. Galadriel is going to notice, and I’m sure of it… and that’s the thing I’m most afraid of. I’m not Celebrian. I’m just not. I’ve met the Lord and Lady of Lothlorien, of course. Many times as a soldier from Greenwood, when it was called that, I would bring news from Thranduil to Galadriel and Celeborn. She knows what has transpired that brought me to Rivendell. She knows what transpired that gave me a reason to stay. It’s not common for elves that have known the heart sickness to love again. I never expected to find love in this world or the next. It’s like the planets were aligned that night that I arrived here. One thing led to another and eventually it became known to all that Elrond and I loved each other. I think just about everyone else knew before we did, and that includes the Lord and Lady of Lothlorien.
I sighed for the 20th time and stood, prepared to pace in my chambers again.
“If you keep sighing like that, you’re going to lose the air from your lungs.” I whipped around to find Arwen standing at the entrance to the small balcony. I huffed a breath of relief and grabbed onto the railing that separated solid ground and a fall to my death. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t Arwen.
“My stars, Arwen, don’t do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”. I reprimanded her, but not overly harsh. She smiled.
“It’s okay. I know you’re stressed about Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn coming to visit”. She came to sit next to me. We both sat down.
“You know she is your grandmother, Arwen. You can call her that. I’m perfectly aware of who she is”. I reminded her. She nodded.
“She is indeed… for all four of us”. She whispered. I slowly glanced over.
“Four?” I asked, dropping my volume immensely and staring straight into her eyes. Behind obvious nervousness there were other emotions including excitement and happiness. I know I can be quite frightening which is why she’s trying to keep her excitement hidden.
“You used telepathy on me didn’t you?” I hissed. She once again nodded. I rolled my eyes.
“When are you going to tell father about the baby?” She asked a little too loudly for my taste.
“I don’t know.” I replied quickly. “I don’t think I have it figured out yet.” I began feeling sick. This anxiety was getting to me pretty badly.
“Grandmother isn’t going to hate you for loving Father. I believe she’s happy that he does not feel sadness any longer”. Arwen placed a delicate hand on my shoulder.
“I’m a soldier, princess, not a noble. I’m barely of enough status to be in your father’s presence for any reason other than business. I’m certainly not anything like Celebrian… You know I remember her well...”. I felt sadness begin to consume me, not only because I’ve always felt inadequate but also because I really do remember Celebrian well. I remember her before she and Elrond were married. I knew her long ago. We were not friends, but there was something between us that the both of us could sense. It was like looking into a reflection of my soul and I could feel that she thought the same. Where as she was fair with silver hair and blue eyes, I was somehow gifted with black hair and green eyes. My features are uncommon for my ancestors which make me feel special and unique.
“What was she really like, Almaria?” Arwen asked, feeling brought back to Middle Earth.
“She was everything you’ve ever heard and more, Arwen. There was something about her. It’s like I knew her even though we never spoke a single word to each other. Every time I would encounter Galadriel and Celebrian, I would feel a sense of familiarity even though it was always overcome by inferiority. But, i’m just a soldier from the Greenwood, so what would I know?”. I replied with a wink. She could always just look into my mind, but she knows I hate that.
“You don’t have to be my mother to be the mother to my sibling, Almaria. You’re everything a young elf could need. I’m glad I have you here if I cannot have my real mother.”. Arwen admitted. My jaw dropped in shock. She’s never called me anything close to a mother to her. Has she felt this way all this time? I brought her into a hug.
“Thank you, Arwen.” I whispered. She hugged me tighter. I almost shut my eyes… but I saw a shadow move behind a corner. “HALT!!” I shouted, scaring the ever-living out of Arwen. I darted with lightning speed to the shadow and pinned whoever it was against the wall. I huffed when I realized who was eavesdropping.
“Lindir?” Arwen asked for me. He looked terrified so I let him go.
“How much did you hear?” I asked him. He became red and then deathly pale. I knew that meant he heard just about, if not everything. “The both of you must not tell anyone! No one can know! Especially not Elrond! Especially not Galadriel! Am I understood?!” I whispered my orders at the both of them. The nodded feverously. I straightened out one of my many dresses that I’m still not very used to wearing.
“I’m sorry, my lady. I didn’t mean to alarm you or hear anything that I did. I was just merely passing through and did not want to interrupt you and Lady Arwen.”. Lindir said apologetically. I shook my head.
“It’s not a problem, Lindir, really. I’m just very on edge, and it’s hard not to lose my composure at times. You know, with my background as a King’s guard.” I admitted. We all exchanged various apologies, and they swore not to tell anyone. I trusted them.
Arwen has been accompanying me to the healers, and Linder has helped me in various ways from coming up with alibis to distracting Elrond to hide everything from both my dear Elrond and Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel. I blocked my mind from her intrusion which I’ve noticed her looking at me strangely for. I’ve been practicing doing this for military purposes, and I never expected to use it like this. It’s an old trick. We had a lovely dinner the night they arrived and even I could see that they accepted me as part of their lives now. Still, there’s something that kept me from revealing my secret. I had to do something quickly or think of something before the signs become impossible to look over.
“How long are we going to keep sneaking around like this for, My Lady? You’re running out of time!” Lindir whispered and I shushed him.
“Not much longer, probably. I just have to do this for my checkups and nothing more.” I whispered back.
“I’m pretty sure my lord is becoming suspicious. You’ve been pushing him away more and more recently.” Lindir revealed. I stopped mid step and turned to him.
“Have I really?” I questioned. He confirmed. I really hadn’t noticed that I’d been doing such a thing. Now that I think about it, I have been a little more to myself and we haven’t been as loving as of late. I felt sadness. I suddenly missed my love dearly. I almost teared up.
“I’ve seen the lord’s face when he heard the news of his children. I can’t imagine him being anything less that over the moon when he hears that he has another little one on the way.” Lindir said comfortingly, placing a hand on my upper arm. I had no idea that my pause had given someone… or two… enough time to catch up to us.
“Thank you for being so kind to me, Lindir. I know all of this is hard for you as well. You shouldn’t have to go through this just for me.” I apologized and began walking again.
“Why wouldn’t I? You know I’d do anything for you, Almaria.” Lindir replied, using my name which I preferred.
“If I had to sneak about with anyone, Lindir, I’m glad it’s you.” We smiled at each other and continued down the halls. With Arwen and Lindir as friends, one couldn’t wish for much more.
-Narrator-
The two following Lindir and Almaria glared at the retreating elves. Elrond had thought for some time that his love was acting strangely, but had no idea it came down to this. Galadriel had just so happened to be thinking the same and was actually beginning to become concerned when she ran into her son in law in the halls. The followed the sound of Almaria’s voice which led them to the elf maid in question and the servant Lindir. They saw the smiles the two shared and heard the sweet words. Elrond, instead of following, walked away staring at the ground the entire time. Galadriel looked between the two. She could read her son in law’s mind, but not that of the woman he loved. She, as any mother would, became furious.
-Almaria-
I sat in my… our… Elrond and I’s bed and thought through what the healer told me. I was already beginning to show because of how skinny i’d become. I needed to eat more, I needed to get rid of unwanted stress, and I needed to tell Elrond. How would he react to have another child? One out of wedlock no less… how would Galadriel and Celeborn react? Would they see the child as their grandchild or just as their son in law’s child? This was much more serious a situation than any being could fathom. In the world of Men, maybe this wouldn’t be so strange.
I missed Elrond. He’d now been so caught up in whatever business the Lord and Lady had really been here for that I haven’t been seeing him. As if on cue, the door opened and he strolled in in a black robe with silver embroidery. It was always one of my favorites. I smiled. I felt the excitement in my stomach turn into butterflies.
“You’re back early!” I grinned and walked over to meet him halfway for a hug. I desperately needed one at this point. Instead of embracing me, he just gave me a cold, tired look and walked past me. My smile fell. I dropped my arms and frowned. It hurt my heart. I looked over my shoulder. He stood at the window.
“Elrond? Is everything alright?” I asked softly, not wanting to anger him. I hated seeing him angry. I do believe it’s the only thing I fear. He didn’t turn around or move. He simply spoke.
“When were you finally going to tell me?” He asked. His voice was rough like he was holding something back. I tensed up and backed away. There was a blackness emanating from him that frightened me to my core. I’ve never seen an elf’s aura turn black for a long time… Not since the late King of Greenwood… My heart thumped at his words. How did he know?! I closed my mind off to Galadriel, I had only three others who knew and were all sworn to secrecy, and I was not showing enough yet for anything to be even suggested! Now was the time for panic.
“I was going to, I swear. I just didn’t exactly know how or when and when Lady Galadriel-”
“You were going to wait until after they left to tell me?!” He exclaimed as he whirled around in place. His robes billowed menacingly. I jumped.
“I didn’t know how to! I wasn’t sure how to accept the fact myself. I swear I wasn’t trying to hurt you; I just needed some time to think and-”. He cut me off again.
“Weren’t trying to hurt me?! What is that supposed to mean?! How could you not accept this?! How could you even imagine you could keep this from me?!” He practically roared as he closed the distance between us quickly. I backed away just as quickly but ended up having nowhere else to go. In fear and out of pure instinct, I put one hand up to stop him at his chest and the other on my stomach to protect it. His eyes were black. The brown that made my heart melt every morning and night was gone and replaced with blackness. I was beginning to hyperventilate. This was a new part of him that does not often come to light.
“I didn’t think you would be this angry!” I exclaimed. I had so much pressure on his chest that I was sure it hurt both of us, but I had too much adrenaline flowing to be sure.
“Please don’t hurt me!” I screamed out of nowhere.
“Hurt you?” He barely whispered. The words were barely on his breath. “Haven’t you hurt me enough? I saw you in the healer’s hall the other day. I heard What he said to you and what you said to him. It was only a matter of time.” He growled. My heart was breaking. Lindir was wrong. He wasn’t happy at all.
“So what now? Now that you know… “ I questioned him, my heart threatening to jump out of my chest. He paused and blinked a few times.
“Do you think you’re stilled allowed here? In my home? In my chambers?” Elrond questioned in a hard voice. My heart stopped. My stomach dropped. My blood was cold. It was as though I was no longer in my own body. I stopped breathing. I felt the tears too late and was too slow to stop them. Suddenly I was having a panic attack.
“Almaria? Are you still here?” The door opened suddenly to reveal Lindir. He froze at the sight of Elrond furious and murderous and me, tears streaming, hyperventilating, and in a protective stance.
“She won’t be for long.” Elrond replied and walked away towards the center of the room and stopped. Lindir was flabbergasted. I watched him reel back.
“Have you told him about the baby?” Lindir asked me. I didn’t have a chance to reply.
“She didn’t have to. I heard everything. She’s banished from Rivendell until the end of the days of Elves. You can join her if you wish.” Elrond snapped venomously. That broke me to pieces. I was no longer frozen. I felt trapped. Every chemical in my brain was screaming at me to run. Lindir was blocking the door. I only realized I was sobbing when I needed to breathe. Not thinking, I pushed past Lindir. I think I knocked him onto his back. I began running. I looked back and saw the two arguing, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I’ve never seen Lindir yell at Elrond before. I kept running, dodging corners and pillars. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I was panicking and not able to think straight at all. My running came to a grinding halt at the last hallway before the exit to the courtyard. I don’t know how I made it here without thinking, but I would have been glad I did if it were not Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn directly in my path. Both appeared incredibly shocked. Still in my panic, I was looking around furiously for an escape. The only one was the over the railing which would lead me to fall completely off the edge of a cliff. I was trapped now. I saw Lord Celeborn ask if I was alright. I didn’t have the sense to close my mind off at all and I forgot about Galadriel’s power. I didn’t realize she was inside my mind until she gasped.
“Almaria… Please don’t run away… “ She said softly in my head. She stepped closer to me, and I backed away. I had no control over my body. “Almaria…” She sounded sad, “You don’t have to run away. Elrond didn’t mean any of his words. He does not understand… “ She tried getting closer, but I was just too scared to listen. I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. I had no idea what she was talking about even though it made so much sense. My head was not rational anymore. Suddenly footsteps were coming from behind me. I back into the guard rail. I clutched it so tightly that the stone began to crack. To my right were Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. To my left stood Elrond and Lindir. They were all equal distance away from me. Anyone could see that they were nowhere near close to me, but it felt like they were way too close. All looked equally as sad and frightened but none more so than I must have.
“Stay away!” I screamed. “Don’t come any closer! All of you stay away!” I screamed and screamed through tears and sobs. I felt myself get weak. I saw shadows everywhere and felt so much fear.
“My love. My light. My star. My dear, please come here. Come here. No one is going to hurt you, my sweet.” Elrond said softly, holding his hands out. I was confused and scared as well as heartbroken and crushed. I didn’t move. My legs almost gave out but I managed to bring myself back up. All of them lunged forward, ready to catch me but stopped when I gained control again.
“Almaria, get away from the edge. You’ll get hurt. You need to sit down.” Lord Celeborn interjected. The sound of footsteps to my left spooked me, and I shifted to the right. Lindir had tried coming closer but stopped.
“She trusts me. Let me try.” He told Elrond. His hands were up in defense. I screamed again as more sobs tore through me. It seemed like things made a 180 degree change that made no sense. I leaned with my left side on the railing, my hands clutching the stone and my head resting on the back of my hands. I couldn’t help it. My heart was just crushed to pieces.
“It’s okay, my lady. Everything is okay now.” He tried his best.“I told him everything. You’ve done nothing wrong.” I shook my head. I know he tried because I trusted him, but my heart was burning so badly.
“What could you have said that he didn’t already know?” I made my first coherent thought. “What’s so different about it coming from you than from me?!” I was getting angry. Suddenly, the stone was moving. I’d done so much damage to the stone that I broke the rail entirely. My senses kicked into gear and grabbed the pillar, my toes keeping me on the edge of the cliff. I almost fell. I stared down at the rushing water and stone beneath me. There was nothing between oblivion and myself. There were bridges over the river, but none directly under me, though one was very close. I don’t think I’d even be able to survive that fall if I did. I was mesmerized. I heard my name again. I looked up. Suddenly, I wasn’t hyperventilating anymore. I wasn’t crying. Everything was slightly blurry.
“Almaria. Please. Please come here. You’re going to get hurt. My starlight, please come back to me. I’m sorry for what I said to you. I should have never said any of those things. I was horrible to you, and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. I know that… but please get away from that ledge.” Elrond slowly said getting closer. His voice was cracking. I still had tears in my eyes but I could see that he did too. I couldn’t move because I was so scared that something else would break. All of a sudden, as if I was kicked, a sharp pain in my stomach had me lurching, grabbing onto my midsection, letting go of the pillar, and doubling over. I heard shouts and a loud ‘NO!’ as the wind brushed my face. I didn’t realize what was happening until I snapped completely out of my trance and realized I was falling. There was someone on the bridge below me.
“ARWEN!” I yelled as loud as I could. She looked straight up in horror. It was like everything moved in slow motion. We reached out to each other. I felt her fingers brush mine as if we were parting slowly and softly. We stared into each other’s eyes. Time began again as I plunged into the water.