Work Text:
Chat: Harry
07.45
You know the drill.
So do you.
Try not to spill my brain juice somewhere.
07.50
It’s so weird when you call coffee that.
Doncha worry
Got a lid that fits perfectly this time.
Chat: Blaise
08.50
This is so boring please save me
I wish I could
But wouldn’t you rather save yourself, my war hero?
08.53
You kill one (1) giant magical snake who happens to contain 1/8 of the soul of the second most evil wizard Britain has ever seen
And now everyone expects you to not fall asleep during a philosophy class
I thought you liked philosophy!
08.55
When the professor doesn’t just robotically read out loud from his dull powerpoint presentation.
Flash News Asshole! We can see the info right there.
08.56
Honestly I don’t need to listen to how Hegel died on November 14th 1831 in Berlin
JUST TELL ME ABOUT ONE OF THE THOUSANDS OF SHITS I NEED TO KNOW.
08.58
Relax, Darling. It will get better.
I never thought I’d say this but sometimes I miss Snape.
AT LEAST HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TEACHING
Even if his methods were completely and utterly wrong and he should’ve never been able to gain the position.
Thank Godric for Minerva McGonagall
09.01
Thank Salazar and Merlin for Minerva McGonagall.
And try to remember that Dumbledore was doing what he thought was best back then.
As if.
09.15
By the way, did Harry mention something to you?
09.17
Like what?
Double date?
09.20
No.
I just need to know if Draco told him something I said a few nights ago.
When we and Pansy went out drinking.
09.22
What did you say?
09.23
I don’t recall.
My memory is foggy.
09.24
You’re using punctuation
Cause I am a well read and fine man
09.25
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!
09.27
Tell me!!!
09.34
All right. Imma ask Harry.
Darling, please don’t.
09.35
FINE MAN MY ASS!
Your ass is quite fine I’d say.
Cut the crap.
You’re so dead!
09.38
You know I have absolutely no control over what I say under the influence of muggle alcohols, love.
09.40
Oh My Fucking Godric
This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me
09.41
I thought living in the straightest possible dormitory in all Hogwarts was the worst thing that had ever happened to you.
09.43
- There was nothing straight about our dormitory, even the pictures hanged crookedly on the walls.
- The worst thing that ever happened to me would be going on a date with you, Zabini.
09.45
You wound me, darling.
Also, about gay dormitories. I had to live with Malfoy.
I know.
Sometimes Harry complains about it as well
Said once that he would’ve rather perished to Voldemort, instead of having to follow another one of Draco’s extravaganza.
09.48
I am surprised that man knows such words.
I never understand the reason behind his and Draco’s relationship, sometimes.
One is so poised and well mannered
The Other’s a bloody Gryffindor
09.49
Be careful with your words.
Remember which house I’m from.
Your grandma’s. You lived there.
09.50
You fucking Slytherins annoy me very much
10.00
Lecture’s fucking over. THANK GODRIC
Now let’s get back to the main argument.
Harry said Draco told him that he was shocked about me.
THE FUCK YOU TOLD DRACO
10.02
Aren’t you worried about Pansy as well?
That snake knows how to keep her mouth shut.
Malfoy doesn’t.
Seriously B.
10.05
Please tell me you didn’t tell him what we did last week.
10.10
You mean
What you insisted on us doing.
Not that I disapproved.
10.12
It’s rather charming being magically tied up by your heroic and well hung boyfriend.
10.15
You have blocked this user.
Chat: Harry
10.15
I’m gonna kill him
10.17
Shovel’s ready.
Or if you want you can use it as dinner for Saphira
10.20
He would cause her indigestion and then Hermione would definitely kill me
10.23
She hasn’t killed anyone of us yet
I think you’re safe
10.24
Didn’t you and Ron mention something about being completely and utterly terrified of her since first year?
Yup.
And yet you think we’re safe
10.25
I said You, Longbottom.
Me and Ron, we pray every night to Dumbledore’s soul that she doesn’t murder us.
10.30
Btw can we skip English?
No
Chat: Draco Malfoy
10.20
Longbottom
How dare you block my best friend?
10.25
I can see you read the text
Unblock Blaise now!
10.30
You have blocked this user.
Chat: Harry
10.31
You’re on a blocker spree?
Do you wanna be next?
10.32
You would never.
Especially since I’ve flirted with Math’s assistant
The guy or the girl?
The girl.
10.34
She’s like 40!
She got me last year’s papers.
And said that, if I promise not to pass it to anyone else, she’ll give me this year’s in advance
Before the test.
The test papers in advance.
10.35
I love you so much right now
You’re amazing
10.36
I am Harry Freaking Potter
You can bet your little ass I’m amazing!
10.39
You deserve this
I took places in the third to last row for English.
10.40
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
But seriously unblock Draco and Blaise cause they’re being a pain in my ass.
After class is over.
Deal.
Chat: Boys’ Dormitory
12.00
Seamus
Lunch everybody?
12.03
Ron
It’s anybody or anyone
You’re using it in a question
Harry
Hermione get off Ron’s phone!
12.04
Me and Harry finish class at 1pm
Where do you want to meet?
12.10
Seamus
1.15 at that Chinese place that also serves sushi?
12.11
Deal
Ron
Deal
Harry
Deal
12.12
Harry I answered for both of us.
Harry
Sorry
Dean
NO GIRLFRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS
JUST US
Ron
Does this mean you come or Seamus does?
12.15
Seamus
Ron I swear I’m gonna make all your food explode
Children please
No fighting at the dinner table
Dean
But muuuuuuuuuum
Harry
We are Gryffindors
Fighting is all we’re good at!
12.20
Seamus
We have other positive traits, like loyalty and rage and a passion for breaking the rules
12.30
I miss the only days
Harry
You know, I never thought I’d say this
But today I missed professor Binns
TRUE
12.35
Dean
That bad lecture?
12.38
Harry
Horrible lecture
12.41
At least with Binns we could have fun in the meantime
This one just talks and tells us to shut up
Ron
You can always use magic to make things interesting
12.42
Harry
I used magic this morning to make it look like I was paying attention while I slept
12.43
Oh, right, I wanted to tell you @Harry
Ten years later and you still snore louder than a dragon.
Harry
Two words: Math paper
12.44
I apologize
Seamus
Damn Potter
Chat: Draco
13.01
You have unblocked this user.
13.02
Bitch.
Chat: Blaise
13.02
You have unblocked this user.
13.03
I’ll be home around six. Want to order pizza?
Nah, I’ll cook.
13.04
Wow.
I should guilt trip you more
13.06
Fuck off.
As you wish.
13.10
Are you having a proper decent meal for lunch?
You need to eat to maintain that stellar figure
Chinese with the boys
13.11
All right but don’t forget the vegetables!
Tell them I say hi
And also, Draco didn’t say anything crucial to Harry
13.12
Good
13.14
Otherwise I’d have to kill him
What is with you Gryffindors and murder?
What is with you Slytherins and not holding liquor?
13.15
Touché
See you later at home
Chat: Luna
15.18
I need to go to the botanical gardens tomorrow
Wanna come with me?
15.20
YES YES YES
15.25
Great! Pick me up at 9am please
Thank you
15.26
You’re coming with me, I should thank you
You’re taking me to see plants
I will forever be thankful for you taking me to see plants
15.28
Don’t forget the flowers!
How could I?
Chat: Boys’ Dormitory
16.00
Seamus
I just realized no one in our dormitory was/is straight.
What about @Ron?
16.02
Harry
He’d fuck Victor Krum any day
Ron
Hey! Not true!
16.04
Ron
Back in the day, sure. Now not anymore
16.05
Dean
We were five little queer guys
16.06
And we were roommates!
Dean
Oh my Godric we were roommates!
Seamus
And we all had a secret crush on one of Durmstrang’s boys!
16.08
I didn’t
16.10
Harry
I had a crush on Cedric
16.12
Dean
And I had one on one from Beaubatons
16.15
Ron
Out of curiosity
Who did you have a crush on from Durmstrang’s @Seamus?
16.20
Seamus
Forgot his name but his biceps were HUGE
Chat: Blaise
17.50
I’m coming home
You sure you don’t want pizza?
17.52
I’m sure
I want you.
17.55
Well, I am hungry so I’d rather eat properly first
That’s a shame really
Chat: Luna
22.00
Don’t forget nine o’clock
Goodnight.
22.10
I could never forget
See you later
‘night