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It was such a light thing.
So light Mika sometimes forgot it was there.
But then his gloved finger would snag on the rough and rusted surface, and he’d pull his hand from his pocket to see the copper thimble hanging by a thread.
He’d wrap it gingerly in his hand, bringing his closed fist to his lips in a gentle, earnest kiss, his strength renewed as he’d recollect the giver of the thimble.
An innocence he could never return to, but a hope he clung to nonetheless.
“What’s that over there?”
“Yuu-chan, we need to get back or Akane and the kids will get worried.” Mika tried to keep the tiredness out of his voice. He was especially weary today, as he and Yuu had been exploring a part of the city that was closer to where some of the vampires nobles supposedly lived, and he’d been on his guard all day.
When Yuu’s footsteps no longer followed him, Mika turned around with a sigh. “Yuu-chan?”
Yuu plucked something wedged between the crooked cobblestones. He held up the small object between his thumb and forefinger, a dull coppery glow glinting in the cold pale light of Sanguinem.
Mika approached him, a flash of recognition making him smile. “It’s a thimble!”
Yuu frowned. “A thimble?”
“Yeah, there’s one in the book I’m reading now,” Mika gushed as he studied the object. “I recognize it from one of the illustrations.”
“From a book, huh.”
Mika nodded excitedly. “ Peter Pan . Have you read it yet? Kouta brought it home saying he’d traded one of the younger kids near here for it. Anyway, there’s a character in the story who offers Peter -”
“Here,” Yuu said, placing the thimble in Mika’s hand.
“Hm? But you found it.”
“Keep it, since you’re so excited about it. I don’t care,” Yuu grumbled with a wave of his hand, continuing on their way back home.
Mika watched Yuu, then looked down at the copper thimble in his hand. He blushed as he recalled the scene he had almost explained to Yuu, about Wendy giving Peter the thimble because he didn’t know what a “kiss” was.
Yuu-chan gave me a kiss, he thought to himself, and he couldn’t stop smiling as he clutched the thimble to his chest.
Of course, Yuu didn’t know this hidden meaning of the gift. And somehow that made it all the more special to Mika.
“Thanks Yuu-chan!” he laughed, catching up to his companion and smothering him in a hug. “I’ll treasure it forever!”
“Jeez, Mika, stop making such a big deal about things,” Yuu said, shrugging Mika off. “I thought you were in a hurry to get home anyway.”
“Mhm,” Mika nodded, his mood undeterred by Yuu’s grumpiness. He grabbed Yuu and tugged him along, skipping with renewed energy and swinging their clasped hands between them.
A week later, the Hyakuya family was all gathered home for the evening, everyone scattered about their small flat drawing or playing with their few toys or reading by the scant light of candles’ glow before bedtime.
Yuu was in the corner of the loft, reading a book, and Mika planned to go join him once he finished the picture of a car that he was helping Fumie draw.
“Oh, I get it!” Yuu blurted out suddenly. “I gave you a kiss that time. The thimble!”
Mika looked at Yuu in surprise, oblivious triumph written on Yuu’s features as if he’d just solved the most intricate puzzle in the world.
In the few seconds of silence that followed, Yuu’s face melted into horror at what he’d just shouted out for all to hear.
“That is…I gave you a thimble, like…” Yuu held up the book, waving it desperately, and Mika recognized it instantly. “…like in Peter Pan like you said and…and…”
“Yuu kissed Mika!?”
“Oh my god, they’re in looooove!”
“They’re, like, married! They really are our parents!”
The chorus of taunts that rose from the children, because of course everyone in the flat had heard, caused Yuu’s face to turn a deep red, and Mika, despite attempting to laugh along with them, had no doubt his face had taken on a similar shade.
“I gave him this stupid thimble I found, alright?” Yuu shouted about the cacophony. “I did not kiss Mika, ask him yourself!”
Akane laughed lightly. “It was funny, but I’m sure Yuu means what he says.” She turned to Mika expectantly.
“Yuu-chan gave me this thimble because it reminded me of a story I like,” Mika said, holding out the thimble for proof.
“And then he kissed you?!” Fumie interjected.
“Ah, no,” Mika laughed, scrambling to save face. Better to just go for full-on dramatics: “Yuu-chan is very kind,” he said, throwing an arm over his forehead and turning to the side, “but he has not warmed up to me enough to kiss me...”
“Aww,” came the disappointed groans of the children.
“… yet ,” Mika said with a wink.
“W-wha – Mika, you stupid…” Yuu growled, springing to his feet and chasing Mika around the flat, the children’s laughter erupting around them.
It was that laughter and warmth Mika clung to, strove to preserve, every time he climbed those heavy lonely steps to Ferid Bathory’s mansion.
“Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too, Mikaela,” Ferid purred against Mika’s neck, his cold hand tracing along Mika’s frail arm and encircling his bony wrist. “It would be such a shame if you were to fall ill and I couldn’t see your pretty face anymore.”
Mika shivered, tensed, and took Ferid’s antics wordlessly as always. Mika's hand slipped into the pocket of his livestock uniform, fingers curling around the thimble, tightening when fangs stung and tore at the tender skin beneath his collar. His wince of pain turned into a soft whine before he could stop it, his hand clenching the thimble as the more pleasant sensation that always followed came over him.
Despite the embarrassment over the thimble, Yuu and Mika ended up reading the book together, curled up under a blanket in the loft by the soft glow of candles. A few days later and the two of them were wandering the gloomy streets of Sanguinem once more.
Mika had gotten Yuu to drink the energy supplement after blood giving for once, and the difference was noticeable. Not only did Yuu seem more energetic, but he also seemed a little less agitated than usual.
“Come on, Mika, there’s an easy way to the roofs here!”
“Are you sure? It looks kind of high up…”
“What, are you scared?” Yuu taunted, already halfway up the rickety ladder.
Mika smirked. “I’m never scared. I just don’t want idiot Yuu-chan to fall and cause even more harm to his already damaged brains.”
Yuu stuck out his tongue. “I can’t hear you from all the way up here, scaredy cat.”
Now that Yuu was on the roof, and Mika no longer needed to stabilize the ladder at the bottom, he deftly climbed up after him.
They carefully hopped from rooftop to rooftop, quietly when they spotted any kids below, and keeping a good distance from any of the hooded city guards.
“Wow,” Mika breathed when they stopped for a rest. They had ascended to a higher roof, further up on the city’s slope, and the view, while not particularly uplifting, was still remarkable.
“This city isn’t that big,” Yuu said, trying to sound nonchalant as he leaned back on the roof, but Mika could tell it overwhelmed him a bit.
Mika lay on his back next to Yuu, close enough that their arms were just touching. Stone cold rock and dark abyss stretched above them. Mika tried to imagine it was the night sky sprawling above them, but the underground air was too still, the ceiling too confining to find comfort in such dreams.
“I wish there were fireflies.”
“What?”
“Fireflies,” Mika repeated. “We used to catch them in the park near the orphanage in the summer. If there were fireflies up there -” he waved his hand broadly above them “- I could almost believe it’s the night sky.”
“We’ll see it again,” Yuu muttered softly, surprising Mika. He turned his head to look at Yuu, who was gazing pensively upwards, long dark eyelashes framing green eyes deep with longing.
“I don’t know.” Mika wasn’t sure why he’d said it, or why he waited so expectantly for Yuu’s response.
“Of course we will. I’ll get strong enough to kick all the vampires’ asses and we’ll all get out of here.”
Mika hummed noncommittally, letting his mind wander. “What if we found a pixie, like Tinker Bell?”
“What?”
“If things like vampires exist, maybe pixies could too, with dust that could make us all fly.”
“So we could just fly away from all the vampires?”
“And we wouldn’t even have to worry about the virus on the surface either.”
“You mean we could find Neverland?”
“Yeah, I think that would be nice.”
“I want to grow up though,” Yuu said bluntly.
Mika frowned. “How do you know when you’re grown up?”
“Huh? Well, um, it’s when the adults can’t boss you around anymore or tell you where you have to go. You can take care of yourself without anyone questioning you. And you’re bigger and stronger.”
“I think we’ll always question whether Yuu-chan can take care of himself, grown up or not.”
“Shut up! I’ll grow up bigger than you, you’ll see.”
Mika laughed, opting to let it slide. “What else is there about being a grown up?”
“Mh, there’s other stuff I guess. But the main thing is being big and strong.”
“Silly Yuu-chan.”
“Cut it out, you’re the one who asked.”
Mika laughed in response.
“Fine, what do you think being grown up means anyway?”
Mika sighed. “I guess it means not being a kid anymore.”
“What kind of an answer is that?”
“…I don’t know.”
“Jeez, what’s with you. What about in the book then, since you brought it up. In Peter Pan the kids had to figure out how to beat the grown ups.”
“Eh? I don’t think that was the point…”
“The pirates? They were all grown ups. But Peter was able to beat them.”
“With the help of Wendy,” Mika pondered, hand tracing to his pocket to find the thimble inside. “…and the kiss. I guess maybe that’s it.”
“What is?”
“The kiss.”
Yuu huffed. “You’re not making any sense.”
“I guess that means I’m a grown up now, since Yuu-chan gave me a thimble.”
Yuu shot up at that. “That’s not how it works, you idiot!”
Mika laughed, propping himself up on his arms and looking up at Yuu. “How does it work then, Yuu-chan?”
Yuu crossed his arms and frowned. “Not like that,” he grumbled. A blush began to creep up his face, much to Mika’s delight…though it also caused a strange sensation in his chest.
“If a kiss could turn you into a grown up, would you do it?”
“That’s…impossible!”
Mika shrugged. “It’s just an idea, no need to take it so seriously, Yuu-chan.”
“You answer first.”
“I don’t care one way or the other.”
“You wouldn’t care if someone kissed you?”
“…I don’t know. No one’s ever kissed me before. I meant I don’t care about being a grown up.”
“If all it took was one little kiss, to be an adult and be bigger and stronger, yeah I’d do it.”
“Would you kiss anyone?”
“I…I guess?”
“Would you kiss Akane?”
“Mika, what the hell!”
“It has to be on the lips.”
“No!”
“But you said anyone.”
“Not…I mean, not if she didn’t want to.”
“I see.” Mika trailed off, biting his lower lip as he pondered his next question. “What about me?”
Yuu was silent, and Mika looked at him, seeing that he had turned an even deeper red. Mika felt a bit flustered as well, and he wondered as an afterthought why he did this to himself.
“…this is stupid,” Yuu finally muttered, moving on to the next roof.
Before following, Mika watched him for a moment, clutching the thimble to his chest and wondering what this strange ache was throbbing in his center, this simultaneous relief and disappointment that Yuu hadn’t answered his question.
I have to , Mika’s mind, misty with blood loss, repeated as Ferid took from him what little he had, again and again and again.
...to give them hope . A mantra married to a ritual, the thimble a relic to be touched for forgiveness. I have to, so Yuu-chan can grow up, so Yuu-chan can get big and strong...he’ll give them hope, he’ll give us hope, for now, I hope, this will be enough …
It hadn’t been enough.
His blood was enough for only one.
Yuu was out there, somewhere, growing up, just like Mika.
He stared down his reflection in the glass, seeing not the eyes of a fourteen-year-old boy gazing back, but those a cold and ageless monster, despite the fact that his body had continued to grow and develop as a human’s in most ways.
The experiment tank he stood in front of was empty now, the test subject having welcomed the death blow Mika had delivered.
Mika turned away. He never looked for long.
He grasped the trinket in his palm, simple daydreams traded in for a single resolution: he’d stay alive, to warn Yuu, to save him from the greed of adults who had survived the apocalypse.
Two Years Later
“Yuu-chan, where are we going?” Mika said as Yuu tugged him along.
He swept his arm back to free his cape from the brambles ensnaring it, resulting in Yuu pulling his other arm more insistently.
“Come on, it’s just up here!”
They had left their cramped quarters in the village for a much-needed walk, and Yuu had been wanting to show him this small patch of forest he’d discovered while collecting firewood. Mika was glad to get away from the other humans; even though he’d somewhat adjusted to the rest of the squad, being surrounded by them in addition to the wary villagers was draining, and the itch in the back of his throat only exacerbated the issue.
But with just Yuu, his guard could be lowered, if only a little, tension draining out to be replaced by a swelling sense of warmth and home. Given his many failures, he felt it was an undeserved happiness, but Yuu was just too irresistible, and Mika succumbed to his welcoming embrace and total acceptance.
Finally, they came upon a wooden structure, nestled on a low bough of an oak tree. It looked like a boat, the boards dark and weather-worn, chips of blue paint peeling here and there. The tire swing and various wooden toys scattered about rotting in the leaves told Mika that this must have been a favorite play spot of the children of a nearby house. He wondered absently if those children had been too old to escape the outbreak eight years ago, or if they too had ended up as livestock.
“Ta-da!” Yuu stretched his arms out and turned to face Mika. “Our very own pirate ship! There’s a rope net to climb up the other side, I’ll race you!”
They both scrambled to the top, evenly matched due to vampire and demon swiftness.
“I wish the rest of the kids could be here,” Yuu said out of the blue, and the forlornness of his tone made Mika wince. “They would have loved this.”
Mika hummed softly in assent.
“Anyway, isn’t this cool? I’m surprised none of the village kids come here.”
“It’s too far away,” Mika mused, testing the questionable floorboards as he walked to the edge of the boat, leaning back against the lip. “Rather, it’s easier for them to get snatched away by a vampire or horseman out here. Safety in numbers and with the adults, you know.”
“Oh. Yeah, you’re right I guess. That’s so sad though, maybe we can bring them up here to play sometime.”
“I doubt any of the adults would agree to sending their child out into the woods, when they know there’s a vampire in the vicinity.”
“But you’re an ally. If anything they should feel safer about it because you can protect them.”
“It doesn’t work like that. You know they’re all scared anyway.”
Yuu sighed. “Well then that’s their loss for not giving you a chance. Anyway, that means we have this all to ourselves.” He leaned back next to Mika.
Being alone up high with Yuu liked this caused his heart to ache with familiar memories, escaping to the rooftops with Yuu, dreaming of finding their Neverland.
“You’re such a big kid, Yuu-chan,” Mika laughed.
“Shut up.”
“I meant it in a good way. I’m glad you brought me here.”
Something in the corner caught Mika’s eye. He crossed over to the other side of the boat and picked up the small, smooth object, a wave of nostalgia coming over him.
“What is it?” Yuu asked, appearing at his side.
Mika smiled mischievously. “Close your eyes and hold out your hand.”
Yuu huffed impatiently, but he was grinning expectantly as he did as Mika requested.
Mika placed the acorn in Yuu’s palm, pushing his fingers closed around it, and, quickly, before he could second-guess himself and back out, pecked a quick kiss to Yuu’s cheek.
Yuu’s smile widened as he opened his eyes and looked down at his hand.
“A thimble,” he muttered thoughtfully.
Mika pulled the small copper trinket out of his pocket and held it out for Yuu to see. “I still have the one you gave me, back when we were kids.”
It was then that Mika noticed the droplets glistening on Yuu’s eyelashes, the damp streaks running down his cheeks.
“Yuu-chan?” Had he gone too far? Was their “childhood” in Sanguinem still too painful to remember?
“You’ve kept that all these years?”
Mika nodded hesitantly. “I-I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk about -”
He stopped short when Yuu’s arms encircled him, drawing him into a tight embrace.
“I read Peter Pan again and again in Shibuya,” Yuu said, voice warm and resonant near Mika’s ear. “There was a library at the school that had it. It was kind of stupid because it just made me miss you more, but I kept going back to it over and over again, wishing…well, you know…” Yuu slid away from their embrace, his hands on Mika’s forearms as he blushed and his eyes darted to the side.
“Wishing what, Yuu-chan?” Mika said softly, heart both melting and fluttering nervously.
“That I could do this -” Yuu cupped the back of Mika’s neck and leaned in, the press of his lips warm against Mika’s.
Yuu pulled back after a moment, and Mika opened his eyes slightly to see him gazing down at his lips, then studying Mika’s face.
Mika flustered under his stare, and he was both yearning and terrified to know what Yuu was thinking. “Was that...were...my fangs didn’t hurt you did the-”
Yuu dove back in, sealing their lips and effectively shushing Mika’s worries.
“Yuu-chan,” he breathed when they broke again.
“I’m so glad I’ve got you back, Mika,” Yuu murmured.
Mika thumbed away the tear rolling down Yuu’s cheek. The boy in front of him had grown stronger, and the fact that he was just as quick to cry as ever somehow gave Mika hope that there was still better life for them, somewhere out there. “Me too, Yuu-chan.”