Work Text:
15/10/2018
In Canon
Mother.
Just thinking about Her makes me shiver, a long, warm, sweet shiver runs through my back.
Mother, I did my best, but he’s so strong.
I can’t hear her voice, not in the limbo where I sank. From here I can only catch the clatter of the blades, the smell of the blood.
Is it mine or the Black Sheep’s?
Mother, please, don’t punish me.
I can’t control my body anymore, because, after all, I never had I body. The limbs She gave me were on loan: just one third of the greatness, the power, the essence of…
I can’t pronounce that name, I’m sorry Mother.
I envy him. I know I shouldn’t, because I’m Him, but I’m just…a part of Him.
I can feel his arms moving, raising, I feel like they were mine but…they aren’t.
Mother, why they’re not mine? Why can’t they be?
The muscles are full of adrenaline and lactic acid, the heart is pounding so loud that I feel like I’m going crazy. I resounds everywhere like a bell, a broken bell.
Tonk tonk tonk.
It hurts so badly.
But I but I…I knew it, I knew it would have happened, from the start. My brothers knew it too, is that right Mother?
This world will end, but not today.
I can feel it in the nothingness surrounding me. Little hands that touch me, soft voices whispering at my ear. It’s like a tickle, a warm shiver on my skin.
It’s over.
I don’t want to, I don’t wanna come back. I don’t wanna be the one to die. I don’t want to, Mother!
When I open my eyes again my legs can’t bear the pain. They’re mine, like mine are those hands, my sword. My blood.
I lift my eyes just to find myself face to face with Cloud. Why does he persist on staying alive? Why does he keep fighting?
I just wanted Mother to be happy! Now she will never be, never, never.
I can feel tears stinging my eyes, my hand’s grasp tighten around my blade’s hilt, and even if I feel, under my leather coat, blood gushing and pulling my skin, I throw myself forward, screaming in frustration.
My knees give up half movement.
Mother! Please! I don’t wanna die!
Cloud prevents me from falling, if I had strength left I would ward him off, I would bite him, scratch him. Is it really that bad? I just want him to stop breathing, I just want him to die!
And it hurts.
But I’m already that, isn’t that so? Cloud already killed me.
I’m already dead Mother, what else could I do?
Breathing becomes hard, I inhale small bites of air, every breathe is the last, the first, everything and nothing.
Maybe we could be happy together now, Mother. I can be a good son, I promise!
I feel a drop on my cheek and then another one, and another more. The sky is crying those painful tears, the ones that burn my skin, that cured Cloud’s illness but…this time they don’t hurt. It’s…pleasant…it’s…like when…
« Kadaj…You don’t have to hang on any longer. »
« Mother? » I’m able to mutter. « Is…that…? »
« Everyone’s waiting, if you’re ready. »
Everyone.
Everyone’s waiting.
Are there my brothers too?
Oh, Mother, I wish they were there. We can be a family! A big, big family.
Mother, will you teach me what a family is?
Mother extends a hand and I don’t hesitate to grab it.
I just want…to be happy.