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Maria took a steadying breath before stepping out and into the cold air. Took another second to watch the uber drive off, still trying to collect her thoughts.
It would be easy to be defensive of Eliza. Defend the woman who had taken care of her so well so far, and maybe, maybe if Maria had heard the story second hand, she would have. Maria had safeworded several times in their relationship, and each time Eliza had comforted her immediately. Had checked in to see what she needed. And they’d played with others too, and each time Eliza had listened. Backed down or asked what the person needed from her.
But Maria hadn’t heard the story of her lover ignoring someone’s safeword. She’d seen it with her own two eyes.
It would be easy to get angry at Eliza. To put herself in Alex’s shoes, think of any of the times Maria had needed to safeword- imagine Eliza’s inaction then.
But anger wouldn’t help anything right now. Alex was home, safe as he could be considering he wasn’t accepting aftercare. And Eliza-
Eliza was sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at an untouched wine glass. Eliza. Her Mistress. Who knew how to command a room with little more than a smile. Who hadn’t even looked up at the sound of the door opening.
Maria had never seen Eliza look so lost.
It had been easier to act with Alex still there. Getting him out of the cuffs was a no brainer, helping him get dressed and home. Trying to soothe over whatever hurt it was that her lover had caused.
Alex had been simple, comparatively.
"Mistress-” Eliza flinched back, whether from the title or the hand Maria had tried to place on her shoulder. “Eliza- talk to me.”
A beat. “Please.”
“I should call Lafayette,” Eliza said. Downed her wine before continuing, “Make him aware of what has transpired.”
Lafayette was in France and if Alex had pushed it, had asked, Maria would have helped him call. But this was one road that she didn’t think Eliza should be stepping down, not in this step. “I don’t think he’d appreciate being awoken just yet.”
Eliza poured herself another glass. “He needs to know. He needs to know what I’ve done. He’ll need to know that Alex is-”
Maria cut her off. “Alex is safe. Probably laying in bed by now. Everything is okay.”
Mostly okay. Maria would have felt better if she’d been able to go inside, to make sure he was actually asleep before she left. But he had agreed to see her again in a few days, and with little enough pushing that Maria doubted he’d recant.
“He was upset. He…. He had every right to be upset. It is better Lafayette hears it from me.”
“It’s better if he hears it from Alex.” Maria whisked the wine bottle away before Eliza could pour a third glass. “Who actually knows what was going on inside his head to explain what upset him.”
Besides, if it came from Alex, then Lafayette would be able to talk to him immediately. Wouldn’t be stewing in worry until the next time he was able to make contact.
“I should have…. I shouldn’t have…” Eliza scrubbed at her face. “I need to do something. To apologize. To make it right.”
“What you need to do is calm down.” It felt strange telling Eliza that. Especially considering their dynamic. But part of being in a partnership was taking care of one’s partner and right now? Right now Eliza was the one in need of guidance. “Maybe take a shower. Figure out why that happened. You’ve never hesitated before, not like that.”
“I didn’t think…” This time when Maria reached for Eliza’s hand, she allowed it. Seemed strengthened by the small touch. “We were just talking. I wasn’t expecting him to react so strongly.”
“You already knew that Alex doesn’t like things being bought for him.” It’d been part of the limits Lafayette had gone over with them. No taking Alex out to fancy restaurants, no buying him nice clothes or other gifts. “And you were talking with him cuffed. Boy has baggage, you stumbled in it.”
In the worst of ways, but right now wasn’t the time to highlight that.
Eliza squeezed Maria’s hand, a gentle motion. “Was it hard for you? Accepting my gifts?”
“Most of them?” No. No, Maria hadn’t had a problem letting Eliza fill her closet with beautiful dresses. There had been no shame for Maria in being treated to delightful dinners or fanciful trips.
But then again, Maria was a woman. She’d been brought up being told that men would want to buy her love, and wasn’t she just lucky that it turned out a woman might want to too? A woman who could lay her out, make her sing?
“The schooling… I think that was the hardest?” Maria stared at the ceiling. She hadn’t opened up to Eliza about her concerns then, wasn’t sure she wanted to now. But if it would help Eliza understand where her misstep did and didn’t lay… “It brought up a lot of concerns. About what might happen if we were to break up while I was still taking classes. You didn’t want me to work at the club anymore and I wasn’t sure that I would be able to go back.”
“I wouldn’t have-” Another squeeze to her hand. “If something had happened, I would have still finished paying your tuition. I wouldn’t have left you burdened.”
Eliza could say that now. Might even have decided that all those years ago when she offered, but the truth was no one would ever know what could have happened. If they had fought, if they had fallen apart-
It was the dangers of being a kept woman. The girls at the club she’d danced at were more than open with that. When someone depended on their partner for their livelihood, all it would take was one wrong move to land them out on the streets.
Maria couldn’t blame Alex for clinging to his apartment even when it was clear he didn’t live there anymore. It was a refuge. A safe house just in case things went bad.
“I imagine Alex grew up knowing what debt collectors could do to a family.”
Maria had seen her fair share, surely. Watched as things disappeared from houses until one day, the occupants came home to the note on the door. Watched people resort to desperate measures to stay until the skeletons in their walls were so many that there was no room left for them.
“It leaves a taste in your mouth, Eliza. One… one that you will never understand, one I hope you never have to. I know you and Lafayette both think its different, but I imagine that Alex never wants to be in a position that there’s a debt looming he can’t pay.”
Maria had enjoyed dressing in finery. Liked the silk underthings that would have cost her a month’s salary. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have allowed things to get so far with Eliza. Probably wouldn’t have ever dated the woman at all. Found someone from a similar background instead, and they probably would have struggled, but they could have made it. Maria wasn’t opposed to a little hard work, after all.
She just also wasn’t opposed to allowing herself the things her lover so generously granted.
Alex had chosen to date on hard mode, intertwining himself with someone from a higher class while refusing to accept the things that came with that. Seemed to be putting Lafayette between a rock and a hard place, the older man unwilling to compromise with his own basic lifestyle while wanting to include Alex in anyways that he would allow.
“I don’t want you to feel like you’re in debt to me.”
This time Maria squeezed Eliza’s hand, doing her best to smile as she shook off the looming background noise of her thoughts. “I don’t. I’m not Alex, fighting to prove myself worthy. But I need you to understand why he reacted the way he did.”
Because they wouldn’t figure out how to get past this if Eliza was still digging her heels in there, twisting herself in circles, unsure of why the suggestion that life was easier without money problems was so upsetting.
“I wish- I shouldn’t have pushed. I didn’t realize-”
Probably didn’t even think in the moment that she was pushing.
“And I’ve never, no one has ever safeworded out of a conversation before. Not with me.”
No, they hadn’t. But that didn’t mean that something like this might not happen again. Especially in those more casual in-between moments. “Is that something we need to work on? Making it so that you aren’t caught off guard by safewords during less intense moments?”
At Eliza’s confused expression, Maria pushed on. “We could try. Between me and you. Usually, I’d just tell you if I didn’t want to talk about something, but this way you’d get used to the stoplight system while talking.”
Eliza’s nod was small, and she didn’t look convinced but it was worth a shot, at least. To try something to prevent this from happening again. Both for the sake of whoever they were with and Eliza’s own mindset.
“Alright, enough talking for tonight. The alcohol has to have gone to your head by now. Can I trust you to sit here while I draw a bath?”
Another minuscule nod. Which was okay, Maria could work with that.
Especially because Eliza went willingly enough when Maria came back for her. Didn’t protest as Maria pushed down her shorts or pulled off her top. Usually, it was Maria getting this kind of care, handled like a doll. Or if Eliza did allow Maria to wash her, it was more-
Well, sexual. Eliza totally in control.
Tonight Eliza didn’t try to dictate, though she did lean into the small touches as Maria washed her hair for her. Didn’t even complain when Maria dumped water over her head to rinse out the suds. There were no questing fingers or commands, though Maria couldn’t help but place a kiss on top of Eliza’s head.
The towel Maria had picked out was soft and fluffy and Maria was careful as she patted Eliza dry. Next came the comfy clothes, the ones they so rarely used.
“I’d like to braid your hair, if you’re okay with that?”
Eliza’s smile was still a little off center, but she seemed a little bit more solid. “Whatever you want, baby girl.”
“Mmm, what I’d really like right now is some hot chocolate, but I think it can wait.” Maria ran her fingers gently along the edge of Eliza’s undercut, pulling all the long hairs together so that she could work. “You going to be okay?”
“Of course.” The shrug killed some of the confidence in her statement. “Though, I’m sure some continued self-flagellation is inevitable. Lafayette’s going to have my head.”
Maria wished she knew enough about the man to say otherwise, but truth was, he was a relatively unknown player. Still, if both Hercules and Alex were fond of him- then he wouldn’t be the type to fly off the handle. “Why don’t you write up an email in the morning? So long as you promise not to send it until I’ve double checked with Alex, I’ll even help you edit it some.”
Eliza leaned back into Maria’s stomach, almost ruining Maria’s efforts of adding in a ponytail holder to the small braid she’d been working on. “That’s a good idea. I knew there had to be some reason I kept you around.”
“Other than the fantastic sex you mean?” A kiss, too quick to devolve into anything deeper and risk ruining the fragile stability they seemed to be reaching. “Come on, bed for the both of us.”
Some rest would do a world of good, for the both of them.