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As it turned out, having a secret relationship was easy. Lily really hadn’t expected it to be, and perhaps there was some benefit to them both being prefects when none of their friends were. They were able to claim prefect duties as a reason to speak privately, and Remus even told her that he and his friends had devised a very clever piece of magic that could track everyone in the school – so she told him about a room that Sev had told her about when they’d been in second year.
It wasn’t as if all they ever did was snog. Two months in, and they talked a lot. It was easy. They were both clever, they both knew all about Muggle culture (she loved Marlene, but Marlene had never even heard of the Beatles!), and – perhaps most importantly – they were both Jewish.
If Remus was surprised when she told him after Yom Kippur, he didn’t show it. Instead, he mentioned that he’d read a fascinating book recently about Desi Jews, and she told him that her mother was a Desi Jew, and her father was a goy. He smiled and said that his father was a goy, too.
It would have been so much easier, so much better to date openly, but Black still seemed to hate her for daring to have befriended Remus two years prior (when there really hadn’t been anything between them), and Sev kept shooting death glares Remus’s way whenever they were together. That wasn’t to mention the Potter issue.
So they kept it secret. Which was fine. Plenty of her friends had secrets. Sev’s home life was awful, and Marlene and Dirk and Regulus were all definitely not straight (though Regulus had adamantly denied anything of the sort at the last few Slug Club meetings). She was entitled to a secret or two of her own.
“Chanukah is coming up,” Remus said as they patrolled one night in mid-November.
“It’s really early this year,” Lily said. “I really hope my gift for Tuney arrives in time.”
“Would you like to celebrate together?”
Lily stopped in her tracks and looked at him. “How would that work?”
“We could use the Room of Hidden Things,” Remus suggested. “Or we could do it in the common room, although we’d have to keep everything – platonic there.”
“I like the Room of Hidden Things,” Lily said. “The common room is too chaotic, and – the only other Jewish students I know of in the school are the Goldsteins and Max Scamander.”
“While I don’t think David would say anything, it’s probably not a great idea to celebrate with Sirius’s brother’s friends.”
“No,” Lily agreed. She could see it now, and it would only end badly. She liked Regulus, and considered him a friend, and she liked Max, too, but she thought that if they found out about her and Remus – Sirius would find out, somehow. It was better to avoid that. “Besides – I’m a Muggleborn, and your Mum’s a Muggle. I’m sure there’s all sorts of things that Jewish Witches and Wizards do that we’ve never thought of.”
“Probably,” Remus said. “I’ve found books explaining Jewish Wizarding customs to gentile Wizards, but – nothing for Muggleborns.”
“We should find someone to write that,” Lily said. “But in the meantime – when would we be able to do this?”
They compared their schedules, and decided on the night of the second. It was the fifth night of Chanukah, but Potter had Quidditch practise, and Black and Pettigrew apparently had something planned, and it would be easy enough to make excuses to Sev, who didn’t have a magical map of the entire school.
Lily glanced up and down the hall and leaned in to kiss Remus.
They agreed to meet at the Room of Hidden Things just after dinner. Potter, predictably, had gone to Quidditch practise, and Black and Pettigrew had gone off to the library with the intention to “study” (Lily sincerely doubted they were studying) – and Remus had the only map in his possession.
They went up separately, and Lily nearly ran into Regulus and his friends outside of the Great Hall. Isaac Goldstein was the only one who seemed to have noticed, but that was to be expected. Regulus and Max were still deep in a discussion and closed off to the world.
“They do this all the time,” Isaac said when he caught Lily’s expression.
“Well,” Lily said, glancing briefly at her watch. “I’ve got a few minutes before I’m meant to be anywhere. I can keep you company as far as Ravenclaw Tower?”
“You really haven’t got to – if my brother said anything.”
“Your brother hasn’t said anything to me,” Lily said. “Not about you, anyway.”
“Good,” Isaac said. “He meddles.”
“I’m all too familiar with meddling older siblings,” Lily said, although she rather thought Isaac and David had a better relationship than she and Tuney did – anymore, at least. Maybe if Tuney had gone to Hogwarts, too, they’d be in a similar position.
“Well, he’s gone to get latkes from the kitchens for Chanukah, so he’s not all bad,” Isaac said. “Max likes them with applesauce, though, if you can believe it.”
Lily laughed. “My sister used to mix applesauce and sour cream together.”
Isaac pulled a face. “Why would you do that?”
“I dunno,” Lily said. “She doesn’t, anymore.”
“Don’t say it too loud, because I’m sure Max would hear that, and then we’d all have to watch him try it.”
“Try what?” Max asked, pulling out of his conversation with Regulus.
“Nothing,” Isaac said. “Don’t worry about it. I was just wishing Lily a happy Chanukah.”
Max’s gaze flitted from Isaac to Lily, and he grinned. “Oh, were you?” He looked to Lily. “Happy Chanukah, Lily.”
“Happy Chanukah,” Lily said. “I think I’ll actually cut across here – I’m meant to be meeting someone. Have a nice night!”
Remus was already in the room, menorah all set up, when Lily arrived. “Sorry,” she said, crossing the room and kissing his cheek. “I got caught up talking to Isaac Goldstein.”
“Sirius is worried about Regulus, I think,” Remus said. “He’s not said anything, but I know neither of them are going home for Christmas.”
Lily found it difficult to sympathise with Sirius Black. “You know what the problem is as well as I do,” she said. “And I’m sure Black does, too. There’s nothing any of us can do about it; you know that.”
“I know,” Remus said. “Lily, there’s actually – something I’ve got to tell you. And I’ve thought a lot about it, and – you deserve to know.”
“What is it?” Lily asked.
Remus took a deep breath and said, “I’m telling you this because – I love you. And I know we said we’d let things develop as they were, but that’s how they’ve developed for me. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
“Oh,” she said. “I love you, too.” She didn’t think that was what he had to tell her, though, so she waited for him to continue.
“You have to promise me not to tell anyone,” he said. “I trust you, but I really – I need to hear you promise.”
“I promise not to tell anyone,” Lily said. She reached out and clasped his hand.
“I’m – I’m a werewolf,” Remus said, and Lily actually didn’t feel shocked at all. She didn’t think she’d actually suspected, but it made sense now that she actually thought about it. “I was bitten when I was a child, and I’m still – I’m still me. I’ve always been me. It’s just that once a month, I – well, once a month I’m not me.”
Lily couldn’t quite work out what to say, so she kissed him. He froze, at first, but then he seemed to relax and he kissed her back. She worked at his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, pressing kisses to his neck and collarbone. This was nothing they hadn’t done before, but it was different, somehow, now.
“Lily, wait,” Remus said.
She pulled away, but she didn’t step back. “Yes?”
“I’m a werewolf.”
“Unless I’m sorely mistaken, Remus, the only way lycanthropy is transmitted is if one is bitten by a transformed werewolf, and it’s a fortnight yet to the next full moon.”
“But you’re not – running away screaming. O-or making excuses, or – leaving at all.”
“Of course I’m not leaving,” Lily said. “You said it: you’re still you. Now I just know why you’re always busy around the full moon.”
“You mean that?”
“Of course,” Lily said. “It makes sense, you know. Not that I suspected, but – now that I’ve thought about it. And it explains your scars.”
Remus swallowed hard. “You’re taking this much better than my friends.”
“Well,” Lily said, “I suppose there are a few possible explanations for that. As much as I’d like to believe that I’m naturally more compassionate than Black or Potter, and perhaps I am, there is the simple fact to consider that I never grew up with any sort of prejudice against werewolves, because I never thought any of this existed. And – once I had, I was old enough to realise that it was more of a medical condition than anything else.”
“I love you,” Remus breathed.
“I love you, too,” Lily said. She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her forehead to his. “You’re so kind, and clever, and patient, and lovely. And, if I do say so, you’re quite handsome.”
“I’m so lucky to be with you.”
“I think we’re both lucky,” Lily said. “Now why don’t we light the candles, and then we can kiss all we want after?”
Remus nodded, and they held hands as they said the blessings and Lily lit the candles. After the candles were lit, they cuddled up close on the sofa and kissed. Lily shrugged out of her school robes, and unbuttoned Remus’s shirt.
Remus looked at her, eyes wide. “Lily…”
Lily licked her lips and met his gaze. “I want to if you want to.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
Lily rolled her eyes, summoned her bag, and pulled out a packet of condoms. “I wouldn’t have done this if I were trying to prove anything to you, would I? I didn’t know about you when I put these in there this morning.”
“Oh,” Remus said. He looked at her as though she were the most beautiful person in the world. “Only if you actually want to. I don’t want to pressure you.”
She kissed him. “I do.”
It was late when they made their way back to to Gryffindor Tower. They held hands, which would have felt more romantic if Remus didn’t have the map out, trying to make sure none of his friends (chief among them Black) saw them. Lily knew that Black fancied Remus (and couldn’t blame him in that, at least), and that Remus was trying to avoid a falling out with his friends, but it did sort of put a damper on the mood.
They were alone until they approached Gryffindor Tower, and in mutual understanding, they let go of the other’s hand and stepped through the portrait hole.
Black made a beeline for Remus. “Moony! I can’t believe you had prefect patrols again! Pete and I have found something really cool that we need you to see right now!”
Moony. Well, at least she knew what that meant now. Remus looked to her, as if to ask if she minded.
“I think I see Marlene by the fire,” Lily said. “I’ve promised to revise with her. Happy Chanukah, Remus.” She hugged him, though she tried not to linger. It was impossible to deny how Black’s expression soured.
“Happy Chanukah, Lily.”
She smiled and walked over to Marlene with a little wave. She could hear Black complaining about her already, and Remus telling him to shut up. Marlene raised an eyebrow at her. “What, exactly, did you and Lupin get up to?”
“Nothing,” Lily said. “Well, we did light the menorah together, for Chanukah, but you can’t tell anyone, because we were meant to be patrolling. It’s – nice, having someone I can share that with.”
Marlene didn’t look in the least bit fooled, and she glanced over to Remus and Black, who were now going up to the boys’ dormitory. “I’m sure it is.”