Archive of Our Own

Isaac Goldstein didn’t like being alone. Between Max and Reg, he usually wasn’t alone! (Except in Muggle Studies, which was full of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, and, inexplicably, Barty Crouch, Jr.). It wasn’t like he didn’t have friends, even besides Max and Reg. Embarrassing crush as late as last year aside, he did fully consider Emmeline a friend. And maybe Dirk, too.

That didn’t mean that he wanted to spend hours alone with them without Reg to serve as a buffer or Max to draw everyone’s attention to himself. Much as he loved them both, there was a tactical advantage to being their friend: no one focused as much on him. Of course, that wasn’t why he was their friend, but it was a nice bonus.

He wouldn’t have minded as much if it were just Emmeline and Dirk, but Dirk had somehow found a compartment with Nigel Gallagher and Mary Macdonald, two Gryffindors in their year.

Macdonald was complaining about the pointlessness of having to take the Hogwarts Express all the way down to London when she lived in Edinburgh. While Isaac quietly agreed – he lived in London, and he could easily take Muggle public transit home if he needed to. It wasn’t his place to say anything. Come to think of it – didn’t Emmeline live in London, too? He thought so, but he didn’t ask. He knew Dirk was Welsh, and Gallagher was Irish – presumably, they also had long journey after London, even if it wasn’t in the same direction they’d just come from.

Maybe he was just looking for an excuse to Floo home from Hogwarts to avoid all of this.

It wasn’t until the conversation turned to Christmas, though, that Isaac felt well and truly alienated.

“You doing anything?” Gallagher asked him, which Isaac was pretty sure was just him being polite.

Isaac shrugged. “My cousin and I usually go to the cinema. Sometimes with my sister. David, my brother, he always acts like he’s too good for whatever film Ruthie and I pick.”

“You go to the cinema for Christmas?”

“I’m Jewish,” Isaac said. “I don’t do anything for Christmas.”

“I didn’t know there were Jewish wizards,” Gallagher said.

“There’s always been Jewish wizards,” Isaac said. “Just like there’s always been wizards of every other ethnicity.”

“Isaac and his family – and our friend Max – always celebrate Chanukah together in the common room when it falls during the school year,” Emmeline said.

“Lily Evans is Jewish, too,” Mary said. “She mentioned it to me, once.”

“And Remus Lupin,” Isaac said. “But with both of them, I think it’s just their mother who’s Jewish, and their mothers are Muggles – so they might not know a lot about wizarding Jewish culture. It’s a bit different from Muggles, but – probably closer than we are to non-Jewish culture.”

David, predictably, came by their compartment with Miri (who looked put off) in tow as they pulled into King’s Cross. Honestly – could he not leave Isaac alone? It was right embarrassing to have his Head Boy brother looking after him like this. He was nearly fifteen!

He knew trying to argue this with David would just be more embarrassing, so he said goodbye to everyone and trudged out of the compartment.

His parents were waiting on the platform, and although he protested when his mother hugged him tightly in plain view of everyone, he really didn’t think he minded. He had missed her a lot, after all.

“Itzeleh, how was your term?”

“It was fine, Mame,” Isaac said.

“Just fine?” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes.

He didn’t want to get into the latest headache with Max and Reg on Platform 9¾, so he shrugged. “We can discuss it later, can’t we? Nothing’s wrong, I promise.”

“All right,” his mother said. “Later.”

They had cold roast and borscht for dinner, since it was a Saturday, and, trip to and from King’s Cross aside, his parents did their best to keep Shabbos. His mother ruffled his hair and told him he could have a full glass of wine with dinner (so he didn’t feel too indignant about the hair-ruffling). Miri gave him a dirty look, and asked if she could have a full glass of wine.

“I’m an adult, too, Mame!”

“You can have a full glass when you’re in fourth year,” their mother said. “Being an adult halachically does not mean that you can handle a full glass of wine, Mireleh.”

“Fine,” Miri huffed. “It’s obvious you love Isaac more than me.”

“I do not,” their mother said.

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Miri.”

Miri stuck her tongue out at him.

“Don’t start, you two,” their father said.

“I think that’s asking too much,” David said.

“Oh, shut up, David,” Miri said.

“Miriam.”

“What, so Isaac can tell me to shut up, but I can’t tell David to shut up?”

Isaac rolled his eyes and turned back to his borscht. It was a shame this was a fleischig meal, because his mother’s borscht was always best with sour cream. But then – his mother’s roast was his favourite meal in the world. So it sort of evened out.

“You need to be nicer to Miri,” David said that night in their room. Really, Isaac preferred sharing with Max and Reg. As much as Max never shut up (not even when he slept!), and as annoying as it could get to watch the two of them dance around each other… it still beat sharing a room with his brother.

“All I did was tell her to shut up.”

“She looks up to you.”

“She has a funny way of showing it,” Isaac said.

“You’re the older one,” David said. “We both know Miri can be a handful, but she is only twelve. We need to set an example.”

“By sneaking around with goyim and pretending to Mame and Dad that you’re looking for a nice Jewish girl and studying intently for your N.E.W.T.s?”

“The only Jewish girl at Hogwarts who isn’t related to us is Lily Evans, and she’s a fifth-year Gryffindor, and I’m nearly certain she’s dating Remus Lupin.”

That caught Isaac’s attention. Not that he thought he had a chance with someone as gorgeous and brilliant and self-assured as Lily Evans. But still. “Lupin? Really?”

“I think they’re trying to be sneaky about it, but it’s not working.” He pulled himself up onto the loft bed. “Anyway, speaking of dating – I’m gonna Floo up to see Cass a few times over hols.”

“Just tell Mame you’re dating a goy already,” Isaac said. “She’s Head Girl.”

“But she’s still a goy,” David said.

“They’re going to find out eventually.”

“Not from you.”

“I’m not stupid, Dave,” Isaac said. David might annoy the shit out of him, but he wasn’t about to tell their parents that David was dating a goy. That would be beyond low. “But we have got cousins at school, and you’re not exactly subtle about it, either.”

“They all know as well as either of us that Mame, especially, will disapprove.”

Something about David’s tone rubbed him the wrong way. “I don’t care as long as your kids are Jewish.”

“I know that,” David said. “But Mame wants us both to marry nice Jewish girls.”

“Won’t be a problem for me,” Isaac said. He knew he wouldn’t end up marrying someone who wasn’t Jewish – or at least willing to convert before they got married.

“You’ll probably end up marrying a Muggle Jewish girl, and Mame’ll be even more thrilled.”

“As long as she’s Jewish,” Isaac said. “I could marry a Muggle.”

“I’m sure you could,” David said. “I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” Isaac asked. “Gran’s a Muggle, and she and Grandad have loads of magical things in their house. Dad was raised as a wizard, and I don’t think it was that different for him than it has been for us. And Lupin’s family’s the same way, isn’t it?”

“It just seems… inequitable.”

“Inequitable?”

“Yes,” David said. “It means –”

“I know what inequitable means,” Isaac snapped. “I just don’t see how it is inequitable.”

“I’d have magic, and she wouldn’t.”

“And? That doesn’t inherently make relationships inequitable.”

“Wizards live longer, and we can take care of so many mundane tasks with charms and spells, which just seems like it’d breed resentment.”

“Hasn’t seemed to cause any resentment with Gran and Grandad.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Grandad felt like he had to marry a Jewish girl, and – there weren’t any Jewish witches he was remotely interested in, so he makes sure that Gran doesn’t feel that way.”

“So why can’t you do the same?” Isaac asked. It seemed easy enough, after all.

“It wouldn’t feel right,” David said. “Besides, you can’t tell a Muggle you’re a Wizard until things have gotten to a certain point, or else it’s a potential violation of the Statute of Secrecy, which seems like building a relationship on lies.”

Isaac rolled his eyes. “Personally, I think you’re full of shit, and you’re just trying to justify not marrying another Jew, when – really, I don’t actually care.”

“Piss off, Isaac.”

He received a letter from Max on the morning of his birthday at breakfast.

Dearest Isaac,

I’m holding your birthday gift hostage until I see you as punishment for spending hols without me and Reg so I can see your face when I preemptively best you in gift-giving. I am, however, sending you some chocolate.

No luck to report on the Boy Front, but Reg did tell me I could talk to him about Boys, which is a LOT . But I’ll kvetch to you about all of that later

All my love,

Max

The letter made him feel strangely lonely, and he realised this was the first birthday he wouldn’t see Max since he’d turned six – that was nine years. Even when his birthday had fallen during hols before, Max had just been in Dorset and had had easy access to the Floo.

He knew that Max staying with Reg at Hogwarts over hols was best for Reg. They couldn’t, in good conscience, either let him go home over hols or stay at Hogwarts alone, but – it was strange, being at home and not being able to visit Max.

And maybe – just maybe – Reg would actually admit to Max that he was gay, and the two of them would talk about their feelings instead of pining for each other for another year – or longer.

Isaac knew that was really just a fantasy he clung to in order to maintain some semblance of sanity when dealing with those two. Max and Reg were both obviously mad for each other, but Max would never actually do anything about it – and Isaac suspected this would still be the case after Reg came out.

That said, it didn’t take a genius to see that Regulus just as mad for Max as Max was for him. He sought him out and was every bit as clingy and touchy as Max was. Isaac could still remember the look on Regulus’s face when Max hadn’t immediately jumped up to hug him on the Hogwarts Express on September First.

So – there was a chance, once Reg came out, that he would coax Max into that conversation. At least Isaac hoped so.

Though, when he thought about it, he wasn’t totally sure that Max and Reg would be any less insufferable if they were to date. Perhaps it was best to leave well enough alone.

His cousin Ruthie stopped by to take him out for lunch. She was two years older than David, which made her five years older than Isaac – but you really wouldn’t know it from her personality. She didn’t have anywhere near that same stick-in-the-mud attitude that David did. Ruthie was fun.

She was nineteen and a freshman at the University College London, where she studied medicine. Isaac was sure that there was some joke to be made there about Jewish doctors, but he was planning on becoming a Healer himself, so really – he’d have to include himself. He really thought she was the coolest person he knew. She wore jeans and band t-shirts with Doc Martens and sometimes even a cool leather jacket with all kinds of patches and pins.

She hugged him in greeting. “Isaac! Have you grown since this summer?”

“I don’t think so,” he said.

Ruthie let go of him and gave him a mock-hard look. “Well, it’s either that, or I’m shrinking.”

“Maybe you’re shrinking.”

“Do your friends know you’re so mean to your favourite cousin who came all the way from Golders Green to take you out to lunch on your birthday?”

“Because Golders Green is so far.”

“It is! Now go get dressed! We need to get going.”

They took the Tube down to a restaurant in Soho, and found a spot by the window.

“So,” Ruthie said once they had their drinks and had placed their order. “You’re probably wondering why I brought you all the way down here.”

“If you’re trying to tell me you’re gay…” he teased.

“Oi, watch it, you. I’ll make you pay for your own lunch.”

Isaac gasped. “On my birthday?”

Ruthie grinned. “Are you such a little prick to your friends?”

Isaac shrugs. “Max outdoes me in that, at least, and Reg’s got enough of his own issues.”

“And that’s it – just Max and Reg?” He knew Ruthie well enough to catch the underlying concern in her voice, and he rolled his eyes. He could really do without her getting so concerned.

“It’s not just Max and Reg,” Isaac said. “They’re my best friends, but they’re not my only friends. I have other friends.” He felt a bit defensive, even though he knew Ruthie didn’t mean anything by it.

“Such as…?”

“Emmeline – she lives in London, actually. And Dirk – he’s Welsh.”

“Is this the same Emmeline you spent years pining over?”

“She’s a lesbian, as it turns out,” Isaac said. “So – nothing’s ever going to happen there.”

“So – your friends are two gay blokes, a lesbian, and some Welsh bloke?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Isaac said. “I’m not gay, though.”

“No,” Ruthie agreed. “I’ve seen you around pretty girls. I’d be surprised if you were gay.”

“I’m definitely not,” Isaac said. “You are, and so are Max and Reg and Emmeline, and I’m definitely supportive – especially with how Reg’s family is – but I’m not…”

“How are Max and Reg?” Ruthie asked.

“Oh my god, Ruthie, they’re so – they’re mad for each other, and everyone knows it but them! Of course –” He took a sip of his Coca-Cola, “Reg hasn’t told anyone he’s gay, yet, but he’s pretty much stopped denying it. And I know his parents are shit, so they won’t, you know, take any of that well, and I understand that, but – it’s obvious he’s mad for Max.”

“You’re not pressuring him to come out, are you?”

“Of course not,” Isaac said. “I mean, I make a point to show him that I’m completely cool with gay people – and I am, obviously. But nothing about – him maybe being into blokes.”

“Good,” Ruthie said. “That sort of thing might just push him further into the closet. He’ll come out when he’s ready, and he’ll know that you’ll be there to support him when he does.”

“I hope you’re right. His family’s really awful, and he sort of thinks their whole legacy rests on his shoulders. His father sent him this really awful letter after they found out he’d refused to out his brother to them – I couldn’t even repeat the language he used.”

Ruthie pulled a face. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah,” Isaac said. “I mean, I’ve no idea what that’s actually like, because my parents are completely normal and not psychotic, and I know they’d be fine with it if me, or David, or Miri were gay, but I see how he struggles with it.”

“Well, no wonder,” Ruthie said. “I struggled, and – I’m not going to act like my parents were great about it, but – with them, it was mostly that I wasn’t certain how they’d react. And we’re Jews. At worst, they’d have shunned me, which – would have been terrible, but… I couldn’t imagine being in your friend’s position – being certain they’d react badly.”

“Neither could I,” Isaac said.

“Is there any news on the Isaac front, though?”

“Not really?” He tried to think of how his term had gone. It had pretty much all been centred on courses and the drama between Max and Reg – there really hadn’t been much time for his own business – which was really just sort of sad. He didn’t want to admit that, though. Especially not to Ruthie.

“No girlfriend?”

Isaac laughed. “No, seeing as I still can’t talk to a pretty girl in complete sentences.”

“You seem to be managing with me. And Emmeline.”

“That’s different. You’re my cousin, and you and Emmeline are both lesbians.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That Emmeline would never in a million years be interested in me, because I’m a bloke? So I’m not exactly concerned about making an arse of myself around her anymore, because I know there’s no chance. And I’m fine with that, but it does make things easier.”

“Why don’t you treat all girls like that?”

“Have you seen girls, Ruth? They’re fit! And – ugh, in my House at school, especially, they’re all so smart, and most of them think Max is the most wonderful person in the world, and I’m not – I know I’m not ugly, or anything, but I’m not as good-looking as Max or Reg. So all of that together – it’s… a lot.”

“For what it’s worth,” Ruthie said, “I think you’re adorable.”

Isaac pulled a face. “Adorable?”

“Sorry, is that emasculating?” she teased.

“It’s not emasculating. It’s babyish. I’m fifteen – I don’t want to be adorable.”

“If you say so.”

“Mame calls me adorable.”

“I’m sure if a pretty girl your age told you she thought you were adorable, you’d just about melt.”

“Not as much as if she called me fit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Ruthie rolled her eyes. “I do not understand straight blokes.”

“So you understand gay ones?”

“Better than straight ones. We’ve at least got more in common.”

“I guess Max and Reg are pretty transparent. And I don’t think either of them would care if you called them adorable.”

“I don’t know Max as well as you do, of course, but I actually think he’d like it.”

“He’d probably brag, really,” Isaac said.

Ruthie laughed. “Are you sure you’re doing okay? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, especially with everything with your friends, and you’ve got your O-Levels next year.”

It only took Isaac half a second to connect O-Levels to O.W.L.s, and he felt a surge of pride at that. He’d like to see Max do that. “I’ll be fine. Max can be a lot to handle, and I’m concerned about Reg, but honestly, I’ve not felt very stressed.”

“Well, that’s good,” Ruthie said.

“So why did you bring me all the way down to Soho?”

Ruthie blushed. “I actually wanted you to meet someone?”

Isaac nearly knocked over his glass, and the waiter chose that very opportune time to come over with their food. He was tall and lean, with shaggy dark hair and broad shoulders. He didn’t look much older than Isaac was, and he smiled at him as he set their plates down on the table. When Isaac looked back to Ruthie, she was smirking.

“I can always tell him it’s your birthday.”

Isaac felt himself blush. “I’m straight.”

“I never said you weren’t,” she said.

He bit into a chip, and tried to think of the best way to change the subject. “So this person you want me to meet…?”

Ruthie blushed. “I’ve sort of met someone, and I thought – you’re my favourite cousin, and I’d like you to meet her. If you’d like.”

Well, he hadn’t expected that. “You’ve got a girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Ruthie said. “I have. Her name’s Suzy.”

“What’s she like?” Isaac asked. That was the sort of thing you asked when someone you cared about got into a new relationship, wasn’t it? He was a bit out of his depth. Sure, David had a girlfriend, but he’d seen Cass around loads before David had started dating her. Besides, that was David.

Ruthie tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “She’s lovely. Really. She’s – strong and clever and she has a motorbike and short hair. And she’s got brilliant taste in music, and she likes Doctor Who and comics, and she’s also studying to be a nurse. And she’s Jewish. Which is sort of perfect, isn’t it?”

“That – really is, yeah.”

“So – no pressure, really, but I wanted to tell you, and if you’d like to meet her, we definitely can after. She lives just around the corner, and she said she’d be home revising all day.”

Isaac could tell that Ruthie was nervous – it was bloody weird. He didn’t like it. “All right,” he said.

Ruthie grinned. “Brilliant! And we can go to the comic book shop after!”

“Package came for you while you were out,” Miri said.

“Package?” Isaac repeated.

“Yeah,” Miri said. “Why are you so surprised? It’s your birthday, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah,” Isaac said. “But Max already sent me a letter saying he was holding my gift hostage.”

“I know you’re not popular, but I’m pretty sure Max isn’t your only friend in the world.”

Isaac ignored her and looked at the package instead. He recognised Reg’s handwriting immediately. Of course; he didn’t know how he’d forgotten. He supposed it was because Reg typically handed him his gift in the dormitory before hols – or on his birthday, when that came before hols. He’d sort of forgotten that Reg hadn’t done that this year. After everything with Ruthie, he really didn’t think he could be blamed.

“It’s from Regulus, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Isaac said. He picked it up and unwrapped it to find a book about conceptual arithmancy. He’d mentioned the book at the beginning of term, and knowing Reg as he did, he rather thought Reg had gone ahead and ordered it that night. Isaac felt a rush of affection for his friend.

He read the letter attached.

Isaac,

Happy birthday! I’m sure by now you’ve received Max’s letter holding your gift hostage – I can assure you he’s actually bought the gift (I’ve actually seen it), and it’s not just a stalling technique. Rather, it’s just Max being Max.

I hope your hols are going well, and I hope Miri and David aren’t giving you too much trouble. We both miss you, even if Max won’t admit it. We actually haven’t  broken many school rules. We’ve only gone down to the kitchens nearly every night. I am, however, slightly concerned that Max may make a habit of it. He seems convinced that if he’s caught, David will vouch for him. I’ve told him that this is absolute nonsense, of course, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Without giving it away, on the off chance that you’ve not unwrapped your gift first, I hope you enjoy it – and let me know how it is. It seemed interesting when I looked it over.

By the way, do you know anything about Max fancying anyone? It seems as if he never talks about blokes (at least not with me), and I don’t want him to think that I’m homophobic. I’m not, despite some of the things I’ve said in the past. I’ve learned better. I told him he can talk to me about blokes whenever he wants, but he refuses to, and it’s difficult for me to try to rationalise away the anxiety niggling at me that he doesn’t trust me enough – and if that’s the case, I want to know how to resolve it. Max (along with you, of course, and sometimes Sirius) is one of the most important people in the world to me, and I hate being shut out of something so important due to past mistakes. We both know that Max can be uncommunicative when he’s got issues, so if you’ve any insight, I’d be quite grateful.

Max says to remember to bring the sweets you’ve promised (even though we’ve been eating so many sweets just in the past few days that I’ve started to feel ill).

Please let me know how your birthday was!

Your friend,

Reg

“What did he say?” Miri asked.

“That Max isn’t trying to get them both expelled, but he is trying to make them sick from too many sweets,” Isaac said. The bit about Max fancying another bloke was interesting, though.

Max was painfully transparent when it came to Reg; Isaac was fairly certain that half their year thought they were already together, despite the fact that Regulus had yet to come out. He wondered if it would be too much, once Regulus did come out (because he certainly wasn’t about to do it beforehand), to sit them both down and tell them just how ridiculous they were being.

He hoped they came to their senses soon. He didn’t see how he could last another two and a half years (at least! that was assuming they didn’t wind up flatmates after they graduated) of Max and Reg being ridiculous about their feelings. If they didn’t get it sorted, sooner or later, one of them (or both of them) was going to end up hurt, and it would be on Isaac to clean up the pieces. Which he would, because he was a good friend. But god, if it wasn’t annoying.

He didn’t want to think about this on his birthday. He glanced at the clock above the mantel. He had plenty of time before dinner.

“D’you want to go to the cinema?” he asked. He couldn’t believe that Miri, of all people, was his best choice for company, but he’d feel awkward asking Emmeline.

“All right,” Miri agreed. “But I’m not paying for your ticket.”

“I’m not paying for yours, either.”

Miri grinned. “I think I’ll be nice and let you pick which film. Only because it’s your birthday. But you’re paying for the popcorn.”