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Once upon a time, when Caduceus was young, he saw a bear covered in bone spurs break a man's arm in half with his teeth. The man was torn apart soon thereafter, to Caduceus's surprise and horror, but there was nothing he nor his older sister could do. The bear was angry that the man had tried to crawl into his lair. The bear had cubs to protect. It was the way of things, or so his sister had told him after they ran back to the Blooming Grove.
His mother had held him close that night and stroked his hair as she sang him to sleep, telling him that it was all right. It had been that man's time, and he was safe with the Wildmother.
Caduceus has seen other people -- men, elves, dwarves, even one of his aunts -- die in front of him. It's a natural part of life, to die.
That doesn't stop him from hearing Avantika's neck snapping when he tries to close his eyes and sleep.
The sound keeps reminding him of the bear covered in bone spurs, and the man, his eyes wide and terrified as he lost his arm. Where the man screamed louder when his arm was bitten off, the silence from Avantika's corpse had been deafening.
With a sigh, Caduceus gets up from his hammock, his heart jumping into his throat for a moment when he thinks he's about to fall out of it, and then leaves his room.
The night sky is beautiful out on the deck. He can see one or two of their crewmembers milling around, tightening sails and checking on ropes. They politely ignore Caduceus as he makes his way to the prow of the ship.
He thinks of seeing if any of the Nein are awake, but decides against it. He and Jester used a number of Control Water spells throughout the day to travel faster across the ocean, and it took a lot out of them. By rights, he should be in bed so that he can be well-rested to do it again tomorrow.
"Evening, Caduceus," one of Pumat Sol's duplicates says, as though he were standing behind Caduceus and murmuring softly into his ear.
Caduceus's ear twitches a little, but he can't help smiling. Pumat keeps talking -- he has no way of knowing how much he's managed to brighten Caduceus's day with his voice.
"How's your second night on dry land? Are you wobbling around, or did you recover?" The teasing tone makes Caduceus think it might be Three, but Second has a hidden mischievous streak as well. "You never did say where you made landfall."
Caduceus frowns, trying to figure out what he means by wobbling. With a shake of his head, he starts counting on his fingers as he speaks. "We didn't last an entire day in the city." Nine used, sixteen left. "At least we were banished and not executed." Eight words that time, bringing him to... eight left.
And really-- "Considering what happened, being banished worked out great."
The next duplicate who speaks up sounds a bit strangled. "Respectfully, what in the world happened? I thought you said you guys were going to resupply and figure out where you were going next?"
Given the rush of words, Caduceus thinks that this duplicate just said the first thing that came to mind instead of trying to edit himself. Still, knowing that the Pumats are worried about him feels nice.
Caduceus flexes his fingers, and speaks slowly so that he doesn't lose count. "We got caught up with..." He hesitates, because both he and the Pumats haven't really shared a lot of details about their lives, just the broad strokes. He knows that the Pumats are overworked, and they could use some serious downtime, but he doesn't know anything further. He's also been careful to not give them any details about what they've been doing. Twenty-five words isn't the best way to explain everything that's been happening and not sound really, really iffy.
"A pretty dangerous pirate crew," he continues. It's the truth. It just feels like he's being simplistic about what's happened to them since stealing the Mistake.
With a sigh, Caduceus finishes with more of the truth, even if this time, it feels like he's trying to justify what happened. "We've been trying to get away from her, and this morning was our best chance."
The last Pumat speaks after a few minutes, his tone gentle. "Respectfully, I know a little bit about fleeing danger. If they're alive, be careful. If they're not... you're allowed to not feel guilty about it."
Caduceus blinks, and even though he can barely see anything by the faint light of the crescent moon above, he can almost see Pumat Sol, in his green and gold robes, his brown hair tousled as he sits. There's something about the tone of his voice that says more than the twenty-five words he was limited to.
The pressure has popped in his ears yet again, but the silence doesn't make him feel like he needs to fill it immediately. He and Jester have been trading food creation duties, so he's not completely out of spells for the day. But he can feel the weight of this moment. He wants to say the right thing with his reply, and he's not sure if he can.
Caduceus closes his eyes, and thinks of all the families he's helped to comfort in the Blooming Grove. His fingers unfold one at a time as he speaks.
"We're all right. She's dead."
With his eyes closed, he can see the Plank King snapping her neck again. The way her body slumps in his grip.
"Her crew is dead."
He can see the streak of red light (even though he didn't see it when it happened) before the deck of the Squalleater explodes, bodies flying out from the explosion, the shrieks cutting off into chilling silence.
Suddenly, he remembers how Bouldergut sobbed, straining against the half dozen pirates trying to contain her.
"Mostly," he appends. Bouldergut isn't going to get her revenge on them any time soon, Caduceus thinks. But considering how crazy everything's been since they stole the Mistake, he can't really discount anything anymore.
Caduceus stops. Closes his eyes. Breathes deeply.
He has fifteen words left.
Caduceus doesn't think he can reassure the Pumat he's speaking with.
"She wanted to rule over all of the oceans," he murmurs, because it's true.
It's the closest he's ever gotten to discussing just how much of a threat Avantika was. They hadn't guessed that she was going to be a threat. She had made herself one. She had admitted outright to them that she wanted to rule the oceans, to have the world bending the knee to her.
And yet...
"I keep hearing her neck snap."
With that, Caduceus sighs heavily and sits on the deck, wrapping his arms around his knees and staring up at the moon, its crescent shape reminding him of a sickle that his father would use to trim the vegetation back from the graveyard.
He's so lost in his memories that the Sending catches him by surprise.
"Respectfully, you didn't kill her, Caduceus," Pumat murmurs. "Her choices did that."
Caduceus sighs again, because he knows that. He knows that, and if she hadn't been trying to overthrow the Plank King, he wouldn't have killed her.
"Think about who you were saving."
He thinks about Fjord, whose eyes have been looking so dead ever since Urukaxl whenever the subject of Avantika has come up.
He thinks about Jester, seething over Avantika.
Nott, terrified of the water, but staying with them.
Beau, rough around the edges, quick to throw punches, and then suddenly using her position as an Expositor to save them.
Caleb, blue eyes reflecting the firelight of the wall of fire he summoned. The fireball he aimed at the ship. The way his eyes looked dead as the bodies flew from the top deck.
Yasha, quiet and calm, eyes flashing as she tried to help them.
"Let them drown out the sound she made, okay?"
Caduceus thinks about what's going to happen tomorrow morning, all of them filtering into the galley where he's made breakfast. Fjord awake and in his element. Nott taking a fortifying swig before sitting next to Caleb. Caleb and Beau clutching cups of coffee like their lives depend on it. The others in various stages of wakefulness. Mumbled and garbled conversation at the table.
After they eat, they usually wake up a bit more. Maybe their laughter will drown out that snap of bone that replays in his head.
Caduceus sighs. "Thank you, Pumat. Being able to talk to you on this trip has helped me tremendously. I just want you to know that." He hesitates, and then finishes with a soft, "Good night."