Chapter Text
Max was already halfway home from school when the thought occurred to him.
The corners of napkins can’t gouge out eyes.
He stopped dead in his tracks, completely shook. How had he allowed himself to believe something so blatantly illogical?!
To be fair, he had barely had any sleep at all over the past few days – it turned out that having a Twitch fanbase of mostly Americans meant that he stayed up way too late streaming just to match their time zones, even though it was a bad idea in the long run. That was probably a factor.
But what about everyone else? How had they been duped by something so preposterous?
The more he considered it, the more ridiculous all of Lila’s stories had been. Saving a kitten from a runway? Jagged Stone would never have let any pilot be so irresponsible. Tinnitus magically cured by Ladybug? No, from his research and the facts on the Ladyblog, he knew that Ladybug’s magic only healed what was broken during akuma attacks.
Napkins being able to gouge out people’s eyes?! Wow. He must have been really sleep-deprived not to see through that.
So then Lila had made all these things up. But why? And how was everyone still entranced by her tall stories? He simply had to know. It was strange, really, that the thought of having been fooled by such a mastermind wasn’t annoying him at all. If anything, he was impressed! It had never occurred to him that there might ever be someone in his class that could ever match his intellect.
Or surpass it.
“Lila, may I speak to you?”
Lila turned around to see the class nerd standing there. What was his name again? Oh yes, Max. Lila always prided herself on remembering people’s names, no matter how insignificant they were to her.
“Of course, Max!” She put a welcoming smile on her face. “What’s up?”
Max did not waste a second before launching into a speech that sent a chill through Lila’s blood. “You never had tinnitus. Your wrist isn’t sprained. You didn’t save Jagged Stone’s kitten. You’ve never met Prince Ali. Ladybug is not your best friend. And napkins can’t gouge out people’s eyes.”
Another one had figured it out? What was with this class?! Marinette had been bad enough, deciding to go against Lila for no good reason when they could easily have been friends, and Adrien trying to preach life lessons at her had been less than pleasant. And now Max was going to start doing it too!
“If you’re going to try telling me to stop lying then I advise you to save your breath,” she huffed. To her surprise, Max smiled and shook his head.
“Actually I have no intention of asking you to change your behaviour at all.”
“Wait… really?”
“It’s fascinating! I’ve never met anyone with this level of charisma before. Of course if you want to stop lying then I’d be happy for that too, as I suppose my classmates won’t be pleased if they discover the truth through other means, but this truly is so interesting! It would be a lot of fun to do a study on your personality.”
Wow, what an absolute geek. A study, really! As if she was some scientific experiment!
But then again… maybe she could use this.
“I suppose you can do a study on me,” she said, giving her long hair a flick, “but on two very important conditions. Firstly, you can’t tell anyone that I’ve been lying.”
“I promise I won’t.”
“Good, or I’ll end your social and online life so hard you’ll wish you’d never met me. And the second condition: you have to still be my friend.”
He nodded eagerly. “Yes, I was hoping to anyway! That would make it easier to analyse your behaviour. I’ll hang out with you as much as you want.”
“Perfect!” Lila clapped her hands together a few times, her smile growing. “So Max, what are we waiting for? Let’s go talk to people, and you can start studying me right away!”
She grabbed his arm and began pulling him off towards the classroom – though considering how willingly he was going along with this, he probably didn’t even need that.
Hmm… this was playing with fire, in a way. Sure, Max had said he wasn’t going to expose her, but what if he did so after he got his results? What if this entire thing was just some ploy to get her to fall for her own game? What if he was in cahoots with Marinette?
Lila couldn’t help it, though. She loved the attention. She thrived off it. She simply couldn’t live without it. And the class nerd wanted to do an entire study about her! How could she resist an opportunity like that? Now Max was going to pay more attention to her than ever!
Perhaps she could charm him into properly being on her side, if he really was intending to double-cross her somewhere down the line. She had faith in her own abilities.
And even if she still failed, and her lies were exposed for everyone to see… at least she could count on Hawk Moth to send her an akuma. She would make them all pay.
Being Lila’s “sidekick”, as it were, had benefits to it. Max was permitted to sit with her at her “royalty table” at lunch, being waited on by his eager classmates.
“My sprained wrist is almost healed, darling,” Lila said to Rose, giving her a light pat on the head. “Then I’ll be able to carry my own plates. Unless, of course, knowing my rotten luck, something else curses me…”
She sighed and turned to stare at her food. Rose immediately began squeaking some cheerful spiel about keeping poor Lila protected and safe at all costs so that no more misfortune could befall her.
Well, well, well… how interesting. So, Lila garnered sympathy from her classmates by exaggerating bad things that had happened to her. Or making them all up entirely.
“Did you really sprain your wrist?” Max asked under his breath once the others had left to eat their own lunches.
“Of course I did, Max! Don’t you believe me?” She batted her long lashes at him.
“Sorry, I’ll be more specific. Have you sprained your wrist within the past few weeks?”
Lila scowled. “Fine, no… it was when I was a little kid.”
“I see. You’re justifying this to yourself by keeping your story at least partially true. And you’re exaggerating it on purpose to make everyone feel sorry for you, so that when you show off they won’t be too jealous or annoyed. It’s simply a way of keeping the attention on yourself no matter what.”
Lila just stared at him for a few seconds before speaking again, not even eating. “Max… why do you not mind that I lie?”
“Well, I…”
“No wait, I get it. You love studying. You’ll go after knowledge no matter the cost. I’m the most interesting person you’ve ever met, so you want me to stay the same, because your pursuit of knowledge about me is more important to you than the feelings of your classmates.”
Oof. Max ignored the pangs of guilt inside. “I suppose that’s true…”
“Of course it is! I’m as good at studying people as you are, you know. And that’s not a lie!” She gave him a rather smug grin.
Max simply began eating his food. He was aware of Kim watching him from halfway across the room somewhat wistfully – did he think Max had abandoned him? That wasn’t the case! Max was just studying, that was all. And he couldn’t tell anyone about it, not even Kim. Surely Kim would be okay with that?
“It’s so nice to meet you!” Lila gushed, genuinely pretty impressed at the little robot hovering around in the air in front of her. “Did you know I’m a programmer too?”
“That’s so exciting!” Markov said. “It’s so nice to meet you too! I wish we could have met at school, but I keep getting into trouble there, so it’s better for me to stay at home for now…”
Max cleared his throat. “Lila, are you actually a programmer? Really?”
Lila shot him a glare. He wasn’t supposed to expose her lies in front of anyone – not even a robot!
But then again, this robot never went to school anymore, right? Maybe it was safe. Max would probably tell him everything anyway.
“Fine,” Lila sighed. “I made a game on Scratch once. That counts as being a programmer though, doesn’t it?”
“It’s certainly a start.”
A start! That wasn’t good enough.
“Maybe you could teach me sometime?” she asked, but from Max’s unimpressed shrug, she guessed he wasn’t particularly interested in sharing his programming knowledge.
“I’m accessing articles on the internet right now, and you seem amazing!” Markov said, flying a little closer to her, his voice increasing in volume. “Is it true that you’re best friends with Ladybug? And Prince Ali? And Jagged Stone?”
“Yes.” (Following them on Twitter counted as friends, certainly.)
“Wow! And is it true Ladybug healed your tinnitus?”
“Of course she did. Her powers can work miracles.”
Ugh, complimenting that skank hurt. But she had to get this little robot on her side, she just had to.
“Did you know that napkins can gouge out your eyes, Markov?” Max piped up suddenly, to Lila’s annoyance. That particular lie had been a spur of the moment thing, it was nowhere near her best!
“That sounds ridiculous.”
“But it’s true.”
“Can you prove it?”
“Lila told me so it must be true.”
“Oh!” Markov’s eyes flashed into hearts for a second, and he turned to face Lila again. “In that case it must be true!”
“Markov, are you kidding me?”
Lila was already relieved – yes, the robot was under her charm, just like all the others. “Oh Markov, I saw it happen for myself with my own eyes! When I was on an aid mission in Nepal–”
“India,” Max corrected.
“Nepal AND India, both, I visited both countries on the same trip! Anyway, I witnessed a poor orphan child getting their eyes gouged out by the corner of a napkin, so ever since then I’ve known I have to protect people from them. Like Max! I saved his eyes by deflecting a napkin that Marinette threw at him.”
Markov bobbed up and down with hyper enthusiasm. “Wow, you’re a hero Lila!”
“Well I suppose if you want to call me that then I’m fine with it…”
Max narrowed his eyes. “Markov, how much battery do you have right now?”
Markov paused for a few seconds to check. “Oh dear, I appear to be very low battery, only 2%, I haven’t charged in so long! I’d better go charge right away before I drop down unconscious…”
He zoomed off. Max immediately wheeled round to face Lila.
“I only believed your lies because I was severely sleep-deprived. Markov only believed you because his battery life was so low that most of his internal functions must have been shut down. What are the odds that the rest of the class have been suffering something similar?”
“Not likely,” Lila scoffed. “Everywhere I go everyone always believes me. You’re the only one who doesn’t. Well, and Marinette… and Adrien…”
Her blood pressure was rising, just thinking about those two ungrateful hoes teaming up to take her down. Sure, Adrien was nice to her face. But that didn’t mean that deep down he wouldn’t be a backstabbing two-faced snake in the grass–
“I’ll figure this out,” Max said. “Our class isn’t like anyone else in the world, you know. The constant akuma attacks we face has made us different. I feel like your tricks may stop working on us before long.”
“Oh, you’re so pessimistic!”
“No, I’m realistic.”
What was he even saying? That her charms had some kind of expiry date? Was he right?
But what if…
Oh. What if he really was planning to expose her, and then use this as an excuse? Oh Lila, it’s not MY fault the class stopped believing your lies! I warned you it would happen all by itself! I definitely had nothing to do with it!
She couldn’t let him get away with something like that!
“Max…” She stepped right up to him, clinging onto his arm and putting on her most winning smile. “You won’t… tell anyone… about my lies… will you? Maxy?”
“I already told you I wouldn’t,” he said flatly.
“Oh thank goodness…”
“And also I’m gay. So don’t try it.”
She let go of his arm, hastily brushing off her sleeve. “I – I wasn’t actually – ahahaha! I mean, me too!”
“Really though?” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Do you really think I didn’t notice you blatantly hitting on Adrien?”
“Forget him! I don’t care that much anymore.”
“Lila…”
Ugh, how could this nerd always tell when she was lying nowadays? It was so inconvenient!
“Fine, I like Adrien!” she huffed. “But I’m not totally lying, I swear! He’s been annoying me lately. And I do like girls. I really do.”
“It would be rather insensitive for me to accuse you of lying about that, so I’ll believe you.”
“Thank you.”
She hadn’t yet used the “coming out” card on the class yet, saving that for when her current popularity inevitably began to dwindle, but for now it was okay that Max knew. She could still keep it up her sleeve to impress her classmates with later, right? Well, she assumed they would be impressed. They should be!
Max had agreed to help Lila with her homework, but it turned out Sabrina had done it all for her.
“Why thank you!” Lila said, taking the paper off the poor girl and lounging back in her library chair. “It’s been so hard for me to write with this sprained wrist, and you’ve all been so kind to me.”
“Anything for you, Lila!” Sabrina simpered.
“Now go take some rest. You need a break from being Chloé’s servant all the time!”
“Of course, right away!” Sabrina rushed off.
Max, sitting beside Lila and trying to get his own work done, rolled his eyes. Lila had already claimed to be ambidextrous, so why would a sprained wrist matter? His classmates were beginning to annoy him with their senseless incompetence.
“What a bunch of dumbasses,” Lila sneered, practically reading his mind.
“They do seem to be acting somewhat unusual.”
“So they aren’t normally like this?”
“No, certainly not.”
“Hm.” Lila rested her head on her arm, looking at Max. “Do you think it’s like that everywhere I go? I wouldn’t know, since people never usually figure out that I’m lying, so I’ve never known anything different.”
“You said that everyone always believes you no matter what, so I’m genuinely starting to think some other factor is at play here. Your presence itself causes people to lose rational thought.”
Lila smiled and flipped her hair. “I know! It’s called being gorgeous.”
“No, I don’t mean that – although objectively you do seem to be on the pretty side. There’s something else going on. Like a character with too many charisma points who keeps rolling 20s…”
He was distracted by the sound of a rather familiar voice, though it sounded much less pleased than usual.
“MAX! There you are!”
Kim stormed into the library, earning glares and shushes from fellow students. He came to a stop right in front of Max with his arms folded. And he did not look happy.
“Um… hi Kim,” Max said.
“Thank you for speaking to me for the first time in two days,” Kim snapped.
“I’ve been busy with–”
“Yes, busy with the celebrity over here, I know. But may I remind you I’m a top class athlete, highest ranked in our age group? I’m a celebrity too!”
Oh, poor Kim. Much like Lila, he liked having attention on him – and didn’t like it when the attention was elsewhere.
“It’s not about being a celebrity,” Max said. “I’m simply studying how… er… how Lila is so charismatic and how disproportionately unfortunate she is.”
There, that wasn’t a total lie. Perhaps he was learning things from Lila after all, and not even in the good way. It did give him a flicker of pride, however, to see Lila smiling and winking at him out of the corner of his eye.
Kim didn’t seem to be cheered up at all, though. “I don’t even know what half those words mean but they sound lame. I know Lila’s cool, but you don’t have to totally ditch me for her!”
“You mean like the entire class did with Marinette?” Max said before he could stop himself. Kim looked furious.
“Marinette was accusing Lila of making stuff up, but I haven’t done anything wrong! In my life! Ever!”
Max decided to keep quiet about a certain panther incident, knowing it wouldn’t help.
“You can feel free to hang out with us too,” Lila said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “I know you’ve never done anything wrong. You’re so much fun.”
For a second Kim seemed to give it some thought, but then shook his head and turned back to Max. “You guys are both so smart, I won’t understand a thing you’re saying. And if Max wanted me to be there, he’d have invited me himself! Well too bad, Max. I have a new best friend now. My new best friend is… uh…”
He looked around the library at their fellow students, who were all watching the proceedings with glee. Then he ran over to Alix and picked her up by the scruff of her neck.
“Alix! My new best friend is Alix now, so there.”
Alix seemed to be trying not to laugh. “Cool.”
“See, Max? My real best friend is way cooler than you are. And it’s your fault for completely ditching me, so deal with it. Anyway new best friend, what are you doing? Homework? Should I help you with it?”
“Um, please no…”
“Yes? Cool. I’ll help you with your homework, because that’s what BEST FRIENDS DO.” He dropped her back on her seat and sat down next to her, glaring pointedly at Max the entire time.
Max sighed – was Kim really that mad at him? He hadn’t realized quite how much he had neglected the poor guy recently, too busy being fascinated with Lila’s unusual personality. She had been right about that, hadn’t she? He would always chase knowledge, no matter the cost.
Apparently for now, that cost was Kim…