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Ariel carries her tiny backpack and pushes her legs forward with her walker as she trudges down the long hallway to the Kindergarten classrooms. Ahead of her, Alice catches up with Katie and Sammie. Ariel watches the girls giggle, and wishes she were faster on her feet.
Her stomach drops when she sees her teacher, Mrs. Lovejoy standing at the Welcome Wall just outside of the classroom. Ariel hates the Welcome Wall. The Greeter gets to say hi to everyone. The other kids get to pick which greeting they want to give from pictures displayed on the wall. Ariel goes over the greetings in her head.
Hug. No thank you. Handshake. No thank you. High Five. Okay. She usually picks High Five because it’s the fastest. She squeezes her hands together and wishes she could go inside without having to greet. The only person in her class that she would like to give a hug, handshake, or high five to is Alice, but neither she or her cousin have been given the chance to be greeters yet.
“Ariel!” Mrs. Lovejoy gives her a smile and bends down to greet the five-year-old soon to be Earp. Ariel stares at Mrs. Lovejoy’s necklace. “Can you say hello?” Mrs. Lovejoy waves in Ariel’s face, flicking her red hair into her eyes. Alice moves into Ariel’s line of vision and swipes the hair out of her face. Ariel waves at her teacher halfheartedly, and Mrs. Lovejoy puts a Velcro star on her token board. Alice takes her cousin’s hand in her own and signs Good job into her palm.
“Good job saying hi Ariel. You’ve earned a star. Four more and you get to play with-” Mrs. Lovejoy is interrupted by another woman who crouches nearby Ariel, taking the PEC board from her co-worker’s hands.
“ Gertie. ” Ariel cracks a smile as she sees Miss Gardener, her new aide. “Good morning, girlfriend,” Miss Gardener says and signs simultaneously.
“Morning Gardener,” Ariel says, smiling sweetly and putting a second Velcro star on her board. Earning Gertie today is going to be easy. Miss Gardener has a huge grin on her face. Grin means happy. “Ariel, it looks like you’re the Greeter today. You get to say hello to all of your friends.”
She likes Miss Gardener so much because she has red hair like her CoCo and herself. She also likes Miss Gardener because she’s friends with her CoCo and Wavy and Auntie NoNo.
Ariel taps on Gardener’s shoulder and whispers in her ear. “No hugs, please. Just high fives or shakes.” She doesn’t like when the other kids touch her or her clothes. It makes her feel icky inside and she likes her own bubble of space.
Miss Gardener nods and helps Ariel get into position at the door, as Mrs. Lovejoy announces that the children can pick from a handshake or a high five this morning.
One by one, Ariel greets her friends, wishing that her CoCo and Wavy were here to see her. She hates every minute of the greeting but feels relieved when she sees her cousin is last in line. Alice smacks the big pink heart on the wall. The heart on the wall means Hug.
“Alice, sweetheart, hug wasn’t an option today.” Mrs. Lovejoy stammers as Ariel reaches forward and pulls her cousin in for a hug. Alice reciprocates by picking her cousin up off of the ground.
“She my best friend.” Ariel gets two stars on her board for doing so well during Welcome Wall, and she’s so close to earning Gertie.
As they walk down the hallway, hand in hand, Waverly leans on Nicole’s shoulder.
“She’s either going to flip out or not care that we’re here. I wanted to say hi to Mercedes anyway, and pass on some information she might find useful about Ari-”
Nicole smirks at Waverly and plants a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re so cute when you’re in concerned Mommy mode, Waves. I know that Mercedes and Ariel will be a good match.” Waverly crosses her arms and lets out a hmmph.
“We got her evaluated and an aide and speech and home therapy through concerned Mommy mode, Nicole. I’m not cute. I’m bada... We’re in school. I’m a bad hiney. ” Waverly puts her hand in Nicole’s back pocket, and giggles.
“You can’t give Mercedes that binder I saw you putting together last night Waves. You just can’t.”
Waverly rolls her eyes as they stop and knock on Mrs. Lovejoy’s door. “That binder is for the Agency. ”
. Mrs. Lovejoy pauses reading and claps her hands three times. Mercedes opens the door and calls Ariel over. “Look who is here to be our Mystery Readers today, Ariel!”Ariel gets the surprise of a lifetime when her CoCo and Wavy walk into the classroom mid-morning, but her reaction isn’t exactly what they expect.
Ariel’s mouth makes an o as she stands up and toddles toward her foster mothers with her walker, a look of disdain on her face.
“CoCo? Wavy? Can’t come in yet. Have to greet.” She looks from Nicole to Waverly and scrunches up her face, crossing her arms over her chest. “You broke the rule,” she says sadly.
Mercedes holds the door open. “This is our new greeting system. Ariel is our greeter today, so she wants you to pick between a hug, handshake, or high five. Then you can come in.”
“She’s so you,” Nicole smirks, leaning down to whisper into Waverly’s ear. “Little rule follower.”
“Mama’s going in for a hug, Ariel. Is that okay with you?” Waverly taps the heart on the Welcome Wall, as Ariel nods. She leans down to hug her baby and is pleasantly surprised when Ariel throws her arms around her neck.
“I think I want a hug, too, Ariel. Is that cool?” Nicole bends down to tickle Ariel as she squirms into Waverly’s chest.
“Yeah. Hug CoCo.” She toddles forward and leans into her Ma’s grasp. Nicole picks her up and spins her around, making the little girl giggle.
“Boys and girls, we have a special treat today. Ariel’s moms, you know Ms. Earp from the library and Ms. Haught is our Sheriff here in town, are here today to read you a story about the winter.” Mrs. Lovejoy invites Nicole, Waverly, and Ariel to the front of the class.
Alice raises her hand but speaks before she is called on. “I know them because they’re my Auntie Nicole and Auntie Waverly.”
Nicole giggles, and scoops Ariel into her arms. “Hi cutie bug. Aunt Waverly and I are so happy to be here to read to you and your friends.”
“That’s Mama,” Ariel announces to the class, pointing down to Waverly, nestled up high in Nicole’s arms, “and this is Ma,” she says putting her arms around Nicole’s neck.
Ma is a new one. Nicole isn’t sure why Ariel’s name for her has changed, but she’ll go with it.
Miss Gardener gives her two stars for introducing her parents to the class, and Ariel clutches Gertie the Goat to her chest as Ma gives her a high five. The velcro stars go off of the board, and Ariel decides that she wants to earn coloring time with Alice next. Nicole and Waverly sit down on the carpet with the rest of the children (Ariel in between them and Alice on Waverly’s lap) and read The Gingerbread Girl out loud. Waverly does the voice of the Gingerbread Girl, and Nicole narrates. Nicole can’t do the silly voices out loud because she winds up laughing at herself. It’s a silly mess of the girls pointing at the pictures and Ariel clapping after every page, but they make it work.
In the evening, Ariel sits on the couch in her unicorn onesie, nestled in between Nicole and Waverly. She holds her Rapunzel Animators Doll to her chest as she lays her head on Nicole’s lap. Rapunzel and Ariel both have their hair in pigtailed braids, courtesy of Mama Waverly’s hair salon which opened for business earlier in the afternoon. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer plays on the television in front of them as they munch on popcorn.
“Ariel, what do you want Santa to bring you this year?” Waverly strokes Ariel’s pigtails as the little girl pops her thumb into her mouth and shrugs.
“Santa never came to my house,” she says matter-of-factly, turning her attention back to Rudolph’s shiny nose.
“Never ever?” Nicole puts her hand on the small of Ariel’s back and moves the little girl into a sitting position. Ariel shakes her head, hoisting herself onto Nicole’s lap, head tucked under her chin.
“Santa doesn’t come because I’m a bad girl, Ma.” Ariel’s blue eyes blink, and Nicole realizes she shouldn’t be surprised that their daughter has never had a proper Christmas before.
Waverly wants to ask, “ Who said you’re bad?” but she’s afraid that she already knows the answer.
“ Bad girl. Bad girl.” Ariel rocks back and forth on the couch, eyes clouding with memory as her CoCo rubs her back, bringing her back to the present.
“You’re not bad, Ariel. I promise you that Santa’s going to come this year, okay?” Waverly presses a kiss to Ariel’s head.
“How you know?” Ariel’s eyes narrow, as she looks up at her Mama inquisitively.
“Because I’m your Mama. Plus, you’ve been an extremely brave and good little girl this year. You’re so special to us.”
“How will he know where I am? I’m in a different place. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t come.” Nicole stops Ariel’s thumb from going into her mouth.
“We’ll tell him exactly where you are in your letter. He always manages to find Alice, so I don’t see why he couldn’t find you, too.”
Ariel’s eyes go upward as she tugs onto her CoCo’s arm. “I can’t write, Co. Write?” Nicole puts a protective arm around Ariel and taps her tiny nose with her index finger. “You, my dear will tell us what you want for Christmas, and we will write the letter together.”
Ariel repeats after her CoCo. “What I want?” Waverly nods, taking a piece of paper from the binder.
“Yes. We’ll write down whatever you want to ask Santa for, and then put it in the mailbox after Alice writes her letter so he’ll know exactly where you two live.” Ariel shrugs, squeezing her hands together.
“Toys,” Ariel says softly.
“What kind of toys do you want, Princess?” Waverly asks, perching the pen against the sheet of paper.
“Gertie,” Ariel answers her Mama, wistfully thinking about Gertie the Goat who is stuck in her cubby for the rest of the day because she forgot to put her into Backpack.
“Can you think of something you don’t have? Maybe a new doll or arts and crafts… or… if you want another stuffed goat that’s okay, too. I’ve heard Santa shops on Amazon and probably has a really cool one in his cart, just ready to come home.”
Nicole looks over at Waverly and tries not to smirk as she thinks of the toys they have in their Amazon shopping cart complete with a “twin” for Gertie the Goat, and a Barbie Farm Vet playset because Ariel loved the class trip to the farm so much.
Ariel puts her hand on her Wavy’s face as she makes a tiny hook with her pinky. It’s a J in sign language.
“Jack,” she says. “I don’t got Jack.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Waverly covers Ariel’s hand with her own. “I know you would love to see Jack. CoCo and I wish he was a part of our family, too.”
“Why not?” Ariel asks, furrowing tiny red eyebrows. “Jack come back.”
“We would love for Jack to come back, Princess, but he’s with his new mommy and daddy in New Brunswick. Remember we told you that he had a new Mom and Dad?” Nicole tilts Ariel’s face toward her own gently.
“He my brother. Now I don’t got a brother.” Ariel whimpers softly,
What I want for Christmas is a family. But she can’t say that out loud. If she says it aloud, it might not be true for much longer. Her new family makes her feel happy in her heart. Her new family doesn’t think she’s weird or bad. She wishes Jack were part of her new family because he was the best part of her old one.
“You’re always going to have a brother, Ariel. He might not be right in front of you, but he’ll…”
“But he in my heart,” Ariel recites, softly.
“He is, ” Waverly reinforces, wishing she could make her baby feel better. “CoCo and I are going to try to talk to the Agency to see if we can set up a video call soon. Okay? I know you want to see him.”
“Don’t think I want to see Santa,” Ariel says. “He scary. I’d rather do Hanukkah because no one comes into your house.”
Waverly tries not to giggle. “I promise you that you won’t even see Santa when he comes to deliver the presents. He’s in and out with a poof of magic.”
“Santa?” Ariel pops her thumb into her mouth. “Don’t want scary.”
“He’s not scary at all. He’s nice and jolly like he was at the mall. You’ll be sleeping when he comes, so you won’t even see him.” Nicole removes Ariel’s thumb from her mouth and puts her new Chewy Unicorn necklace around her neck. The Chewy Necklace is a silicone sensory tool that the school had recommended as an alternative to Ariel’s thumb sucking. Ariel pops the light blue unicorn into her mouth and crosses her arms over her chest. “ Mom said he’s fake.” Waverly feels her stomach twist in knots, as Nicole puts two and two together. Mommy and Mom are probably synonymous in Ariel’s head, but Ma is new.
“ You saw him with your own two eyes at the mall, little lady. All you have to do is believe, and he’ll come to find you.” Ariel seems to buy the story as she wraps her arms around her CoCo’s neck and spits out the unicorn.
“I good girl because CoCo and Wavy love me.”
“You’re our best girl. We do love you. So, so much.” Nicole presses a kiss to Ariel’s head, and one more to Rapunzel’s.
“What do you think, would Rapunzel like an Animator doll friend for Christmas?”
Ariel nods at her CoCo’s question and runs her fingers through her doll’s hair. “Maybe Belle because she reads. She wouldn’t bother Rapunzel. I want toys to play with Alice,” Ariel says, and Waverly grins.
“Alice is your best friend, yeah?” At that moment, she’s immensely proud of her daughter. She’s done countless research on Autism Spectrum Disorder in the past few weeks and discovered that some children on the spectrum prefer to play alone. Usually, the same rings true with Ariel, but her one exception is her cousin, whom she thinks the world of.
“CoCo and Wavy and Alice.”
“You’re our best friend too, Ariel.” Nicole smiles at her Mini-Me and lets her lay down on her lap. “When Auntie NoNo and Uncle Doc’s baby is born, you’ll have another best friend.”
Ariel shrugs. “Alice is friends with Katie, and I’m not.”
“ Katie? ” Saying the child’s name leaves a bitter taste in Waverly’s mouth. This is the same Katie who made fun of Ariel’s pumpkin. Ariel nods, thinking of how Alice chose to play in Blocks with Katie today instead of Art with her.
Ariel nods. “Miss Cedes said her best friend is Auntie NoNo. I thought she was your best friend, CoCo. You work together.”
“You can have more than one best friend, Ariel. Wynonna can be my best friend, and she can also be Mercedes’. Just like Alice can be friends with Katie and best friends with you.”
Nicole smirks at the prospect of Wynonna gaining knowledge that she admitted that she was her best friend and laughing.
She and Waverly will have to have a conversation with Wynonna about Katie because she’s certain that her future sister-in-law won’t be thrilled with the idea of her daughter being friends with someone who made fun of Ariel.
“C’mon, Ariel. Let’s write your letter to Santa.” Waverly grabs a pen and paper
“My A starts with Up-down-across,” Ariel says, grabbing the pen from her Wavy’s hand and drawing a line of A’s across the paper while chanting “up-down across” to herself.
Later that night, Nicole and Waverly pull out the laptop to do some Facebook stalking. Sally Smith, New Brunswick is almost too easy to find. Tall, blonde, and a neonatologist. No wonder Jack’s adoption went through so quickly. Her profile picture is a picture of herself her husband Dan, and Jack. Jack is tinier than Ariel, redheaded, and looks just like his big sister.
“Wish we could put Ariel in our profile pictures.” Waverly leans against Nicole’s shoulder. They’re legally not allowed to put pictures or videos of Ariel on any form of social media until she is adopted. Waverly thinks about her own Facebook profile, where there is no evidence that Ariel exists at all. It stings because being Ariel’s Mama has encapsulated so much of her life for the past four months.
“Soon...baby. Soon. I have full confidence that this home visit will move the process along and she’ll be ours by summer.” Nicole drops a tiny kiss next to one of Waverly’s sad, crinkly eyes.
“It doesn’t help that the visit was delayed,” Waverly says, hands hovering over the keys. “Nicole. I’m so nervous. ” She lays her head against Nicole’s chest, staring up at the ceiling.
“Me too, baby. I wish we could get it over with already.”
“Especially because her ADOS results will be coming in around Christmas and we’ll know...and...everything will change.” Waverly rubs her hands over her eyes until she sees white.
Nicole shakes her head, turning Waverly around in her lap so she’s facing her. She wipes away the tears from Waverly’s eyes and strokes her cheek with her knuckles.
“She’ll have the name of a diagnosis from the school, but none of this changes, Waverly. It’s you and me and her forever. It doesn’t matter because yes, it’ll be good we have a name, and good we have resources to support her and...she might have Autism, but that isn’t the only thing about her. At the end of the day, she’s ours. ”
Waverly presses a tender kiss to Nicole’s lips. “I like you, Nicole. I like you a lot. And… I want to marry you.”
Nicole smiles and deepens the kiss. “Good thing I asked, huh?” Waverly leans forward and buries her head into Nicole’s neck the way Ariel likes to when she gets sleepy.
“I want to wait until she’s ours to marry you, Nicole, because I want her in the wedding pictures. And I’m warning you now that I’m going to be obnoxious about finding the perfect one of us three on that day to post on Facebook, okay? You’d better get ready.”
Nicole nods and chuckles, pulling the blankets over Waverly because she knows how her girl gets chilly easily. “What happened to our simple backyard wedding?”
Waverly snuggles into Nicole’s chest under the covers and kisses her on the cheek. “I never said I didn’t want it in the backyard. As long as I get to keep you and Ariel forever, that’s what matters to me.”
(And she will, but that’s for another story.)
In the morning, Ariel sneaks downstairs (pushing herself down the stairs slowly, while she sits on her bottom, maneuvering herself with her arms) and grabs her walker at the foot of the stairs. Once she’s steady on her feet, she toddles into the kitchen and grabs the envelope with her letter to Santa inside of it. She reaches into the front pocket of her Unicorn onesie and takes out a piece of paper.
Santa is magical. He has to be able to read her handwriting. She takes one peek at her additional letter before folding it up and tucking in into the envelope addressed to the North Pole. CoCo and Wavy will never know about her secret.
STA,
DO NOT NEED TOYS. I JUST WANT STAY WITH CO AN WAVY FOR CMAS
LOVE ARIEL