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Ariel is a clingy kid.
She can’t get close enough to Waverly when they sit on the couch for movie night. The tiny girl crawls onto her Mama’s lap and wraps around her like a snake, pushing her entire body weight onto Waverly.
She likes to hold hands with both of her foster moms as they walk her into school. Waverly and Nicole aren’t sure if this is a clever trick schemed up by a smart five-year-old to avoid using her walker, but secretly, they cherish the affection of their princess, even if they indulge in it sometimes.
Ariel likes to protect her CoCo, since the incident the other day at the mall with the scary man. She also hates walking and will do anything to get a Peppa piggy-back ride from her CoCo whenever possible. One way she protects her CoCo is with her hair. She and Nicole have matching red hair, and that is the most magical thing in the world. As long as they’re together, nothing bad can happen.
Her CoCo likes to protect her too.
And Nicole does. She tries to protect Ariel to the greatest of her ability, and make her feel comfortable and calm in all situations.
It’s not that they walk on eggshells around her, because they don’t. There are plenty of nights where she screams when she’s left in her bedroom or cries when Waverly and Nicole go out on a date.
They hold her until she falls asleep in her tiny bed. They can’t fathom leaving her to “cry-it-out” when they know what happened to her in that house of horrors during her first four years.
It’s the morning after date night, and they know that it’s weird to let their kid out of the house in nothing but a hooded unicorn onesie, but it’s also kind of awesome. It’s become their tradition to go out to breakfast together on Sunday mornings, and a date night before is not an exception to skip out on an early morning date with their favorite girl.
“What do you want to eat, Princess?” Nicole points to the pancake smiley face on the kids’ menu Ariel is half-heartedly coloring. Across the booth, Waverly yawns and takes a sip of her coffee.
“Rooty Tootie? Smiley face? You could try waffles. I don’t know if you’ve had waffles before. Have you?”
Ariel tilts her head toward Waverly as she tries to think of what a waffle is.
It’s hard to think of waffle when there are so many other words swimming around in her brain like CoCo and Wavy and Tangled.
Nicole flips through her menu until she finds a picture of a crispy, golden, waffle.
“Have you ever had an Eggo ? That’s a kind of waffle , Ariel.”
Ariel peers up at her CoCo and pushes her glasses toward the bridge of her nose. That’s two new words she doesn’t understand. Maybe if she were smart like Alice, she’d understand everything new right away.
“I dunno.” She folds her arms across her chest, and slumps against Nicole.
Waverly tries to retaliate once she realizes they’ve overwhelmed their little girl. She takes Ariel’s hands in her own and adjusts the tiny plastic glasses on her face.
“It’s okay that you don’t know, baby. What if I order them for myself and you can see if you like them?”
“Waffles are for Veggies ?” Ariel presses Red down on the menu so hard that the crayon snaps in two.
“They can be. They have an option for us Veggies right here.” Waverly points to her menu and shows Ariel the picture.
“What do I order?” Ariel looks expectantly from Nicole to Waverly and back again as she stares down at the chocolate chip pancakes that seem to be calling her name.
“Whatever your heart desires, Princess. Just tell me before our waitress comes so I can order for you.” Nicole puts an arm around Ariel, as the rainbow horn of her unicorn onesie pokes her CoCo’s cheek.
“Chocolate-chip pancakes?” Ariel’s eyes sparkle, as Waverly tries to stop a grin from spreading across her face.
“What about the pancakes with fruit on top instead? I’m sure those are super yummy, too.”
Nicole smirks at her fiancee, as a perplexed look comes over Ariel’s face.
“You’re trying to trick me into eating fruit, Wavy . ”
“Your mama is B-U-S-T-E-D, busted, Ariel.” Nicole reaches across the table to squeeze Waverly’s hands as her girlfriend rolls her eyes.
“I suppose an attempt was made,” Waverly sighs as she gives Nicole a puppy dog pout and crinkly eyes.
“ Why do you have to do the thing with your eyes, Waverly? You know I can’t resist the crinkle eyes.” Nicole folds her arms over her chest as Waverly lets out a little giggle before adjusting Ariel’s noise cancelling headphones.
Waverly looks at Ariel, who is busy coloring a lion eating a pancake on her children’s menu. She very sneakily and quietly says,
“You can’t resist any part of me, Sheriff Haught.”
Nicole hates how hot her face gets when Waverly flirts with her in public.
Ariel has moved on to coloring a monkey eating a pancake with a banana smile, so Nicole decides that it is safe to answer her girlfriend, who kicks her under the table with the sweetest smirk on her face.
“If last night was any indicator, no.”
Ariel looks up after she’s finished coloring the monkey in all of his banana pancake glory.
“What did you and Wavy do last night? Auntie NoNo let me and Alice bake cookies, but she ate them all because the baby was hungry.”
Maybe the headphones aren’t as noise canceling as they advertise, after all.
They’re saved by the waitress, who comes over to take their order. When it’s Ariel’s turn to order, the little girl leans over and whispers in her CoCo’s ear.
I do it.
And she does, much to their amazement. She points her finger at the chocolate chip pancake palooza of a Breakfast and says, “Want this please.”
Waverly makes eyes at Nicole and Nicole makes eyes at Waverly because their little girl who doesn’t talk to strangers and has difficulty speaking just ordered a meal by herself for the very first time.
The waitress leaves, and Waverly squeals as Ariel puts her hands over her headphones.
“Loud, Mama. Loud.”
“Sorry baby, I’m just excited. You ordered by yourself. CoCo and I are proud of you.” Waverly’s eyes crinkle up as she strokes Ariel’s cheek.
Ariel shrugs and hands her Mama a crayon so that she can color too.
“You get green because of Veggies.”
Nicole grins as Waverly starts to draw an entirely green rainbow on the children’s menu.
“That’s a good analogy, Princess.” Ariel nods at Nicole’s comment and hands her a crayon, so she can add to Waverly’s rainbow masterpiece.
“You get red because of your hair, Co,” Ariel whispers and adjusts her headphones over her onesie.
Nicole rubs Ariel’s back, and thanks her for the crayon. She has grown leaps and bounds since coming to stay with them. They’re definitely going to bring this morning up during the home visit. If Nicole’s completely honest with herself, she’s terrified for the home visit. She’s afraid that the Agency is going to find something wrong with herself and Waverly and whisk Ariel away from them forever.
An elderly couple gets up from the booth behind them, and the old woman scoots toward them with her walker, hitting Ariel’s tiny walker which Nicole tucked safely underneath the table when they arrived at the restaurant.
“My, I’m sorry, dear,” the woman smiles at Nicole, who says that it’s no problem at all and pushes Ariel’s walker out of the way. The woman’s smile turns into a frown as she gives a tssssk and stares at Ariel’s headphones.
“It’s such a shame that children need to be entertained by gadgets to sit quietly during a meal. In my day, going out with the family was a treat, and not a chore.”
Waverly’s eyes bore into Nicole’s, as she tries to think of what to say.
“My daughter wears headphones because she needs to. It’s a little too loud in here for her liking, ma’am.” Nicole puts a protective arm around Ariel as she thanks God that the tiny girl is scribbling on her menu, and blissfully unaware of the nasty old woman who has stopped at their table.
“She’s not being entertained by a device, ” says Waverly, curtly.
“Well, she shouldn’t need headphones for a day out with her mother and aunt,” the woman retorts, slowly shuffling away.
Waverly’s face turns red as a tomato. “She thinks we’re sisters.”
“I know, baby. Sisters.” Nicole giggles, pushing a lock of hair out of Waverly’s face.
“You’re way prettier than my sister.” Waverly picks up a crayon and nuzzles Ariel’s cheek. She points at where she wants her Mama to color, and Waverly obeys.
Realistically, Nicole knows that nothing is wrong with them, or the little family they’ve created.
But, they’ve noticed more about Ariel and her needs than her speech delay and use of a walker, and it’s going to need to be discussed during the visit. They’re not psychiatrists or psychologists nor can they do a proper evaluation of their little girl, but they know that there is more going on with her than just a physical disability.
Nicole doesn’t know if a diagnosis would help, but a name might. She and Waverly had talked about it in the middle of the night.
She’d blinked open her eyes and become startled by the light from the iPad.
“Go back to sleep, baby.” Waverly had said, rubbing Nicole’s cheek. But Nicole had grabbed her hand, sat up, and slumped next to her fiancee, letting the light from the iPad consume her. Her stomach flipped when she saw the word on the screen.
“A lot of girls are misdiagnosed, or aren’t diagnosed with it at all, because they don’t show the typical symptoms,” Waverly said.
“Baby...this is a checklist. Just because she fits into some of these boxes doesn’t mean she has it. You know that, right?” Nicole brushed Waverly’s hair away from her face and pulled her close.
“I know. But...look at this, Nicole. Sensory issues? Check. Communication problems? Yes. I mean...she’s better but…. separation anxiety, plays by herself...well she has Alice... but…she didn’t want to go to her party and...I can’t stop thinking about what that old lady said.”
“About us being sisters?” Nicole yawned.
“No. About the headphones. But yeah. Sisters. When we go out in public, people probably do think that you’re her mom and I’m her nanny or your sister or something. Is that all I’m going to be?” At her girlfriend’s remark, Nicole took Waverly’s hand into her own.
“Nope,” she’d said, popping the ‘p’. “You’re her Mama too. We could start making out in public more. People might pick up on it then. Besides, what does it matter what other people think?”
Waverly shook her head. “What is it with us and old people? The lady today, the lady at the doctor’s office when she got the Flu shot, do these old bags just want to judge us?” Waverly stares at the list of symptoms. “Sensory issues... right?”
“I know Waves, I know….but...look at this, she doesn’t avoid cuddles. She tries to make eye contact...she...she’s not obsessed with anything….I mean….she talks about Peppa and the Princesses as much as the next kid, right?”
Waverly shook her head and smushed her hands over her eyes. “She knows everything about Rapunzel...Nicole….I really don’t know. I’m confused. I’m just thinking out loud. If she has this…” Waverly’s eyes teared up, and Nicole rocked her back and forth.
“We speak to the Agency about our concerns. We get her evaluated. If she has this, we go about it the way we go about everything. Together.” Nicole pressed her lips to Waverly’s forehead.
“I don’t want her to be treated any different than she already is. Plus...as her foster parents, we don’t have the same rights as her legal mother does regarding her education accommodations if need be.”
“She wouldn’t be, treated differently Waverly. I promise.Alice would kick anyone’s ass that called her different, and frankly so would we.She’s our girl no matter what.” Nicole peppered a kiss against Waverly’s neck.
“What if they think we’re not qualified enough to handle this? What if we get her evaluated, and it’s true and they want to give her to foster parents who have had experience with kids….with kids with it...with kids...with Autism before?” Waverly squeezed her eyes shut as she’d finally said the word that had been on the tip of her tongue for ages, fighting to come to fruition.
“ Well…. I have had experience with it before if you remember Shay’s sister, Madison” and with that, her ex’s name left a bitter taste in her mouth.
“ Fudgenuggets, I forgot. I’m sorry, Nicole.”
“It’s okay, Waves, it’s okay.”
When they wake up in the morning, snuggled together under the covers, Waverly’s head tucked beneath Nicole’s chin and chest, they can’t help but wonder if her mom knew or had any inkling of it, and that’s why she treated Ariel so poorly.
And that breaks them to pieces.
Ariel is a clinger or was one until yesterday. She taps Nicole on the arm, bringing her back into the present.
“Eggs, Co. Eggs.” Brown eyes meet red eyelashes as Ariel stares intently at Nicole’s tiny mole.
“You want to try some of my eggs when they come, cutie?” She asks, stroking Ariel’s hair. Ariel gives Nicole a thumbs up, and squirms closer to her.
“Order by myself because I want to be like Alice.” Ariel reaches for her headphones and adjusts them.
“You’re getting to be such a big girl, Ariel,” Waverly says, softly.
The next day is a mess at work for Nicole.
It starts with her spilling coffee all over her desk when Wynonna barges into her office. Nicole struggles to close the tab on her laptop fast enough because she doesn’t want Wynonna to see her fifty tab search on ASD in girls and individualized education plans.
“ Woah there , Haught stuff. Looking up naughty stuff on the work computer? Whatever you do, don’t look up new lingerie on Amazon. That’s how I got myself into this.” Wynonna points at her tiny baby bump mostly covered up by her leather pants.
“Funny, Wynonna. Very funny.” Nicole sighs and reaches for the pack of baby wipes she keeps on her desk.
“You’re not one to talk. You can still drink coffee. I’m off of caffeine for another six months, and it’s killing me.”
Nicole shakes her head and opens her phone. “Waves just texted me. Apparently, the girls’ class is in the library today and she didn’t want any help in picking out a book. Not even from Alice.”
Wynonna frowns and crosses her arms over her chest as Nicole continues to summarize the text message.
“Alice suggested a Barbie book, but Ariel wanted nothing to do with it. She picked out a book about sloths...by herself.”
“Ariel is turning into Miss Independent. Kindergarten drama is fascinating, Nicole. You could make a Lifetime movie out of it if you wanted to.”
Nicole rolls her eyes as she wipes the coffee off of her Khakis. “You had to have come in here for a reason other than to annoy me.”
Wynonna gives a pregnant (pun intended) pause and Nicole can see a flicker of hope in her future sister in law’s eyes.
“About that. Can I head down to Shorty’s to have lunch with Doc while he’s on bar duty? He texted me he made me a new non-alcoholic drink and I kind of wanted to…”
“Go,” Nicole says. “But...have your case report filled out first. I need to put everything into the computer before we leave today.”
Wynonna raises an eyebrow, and points her thumb toward the door. “That’s it? You’re not going to pitch a fit about me leaving?”
Nicole shrugs. “Doc texted you. I didn’t know he could do that without one of us helping him. That’s kind of cute that he learned how to text for you.”
A scowl emerges on Wynonna’s face and Nicole can’t help but feel the tension leave her shoulders. “Don’t call me and Doc cute, Nicole. We’re simply two adults who… who…”
A puzzled look comes over Wynonna’s face, and then she turns pale.
“I guess I’m really in this for life with him, huh?”
Nicole smirks and opens her next case file on the computer.
“You don’t have to be, Wynonna. Plus it could be worse. You could have to wake up next to me for the rest of your life.”
“It’s almost like I already do. Face it, Nicole. You and Waverly will never move out of the Homestead. I won’t let you”
“Not anytime soon, Wynonna. We like living with you, and Alice...and Doc too.”
“Good,” says Wynonna, before placing a hand over her stomach. “It would be a lot different without you two, and Ariel.”
“That was sweet, Wynonna. Thanks.” Nicole grins, and Wynonna gives her the finger before smiling sweetly back at her.
So Wynonna leaves, and case file after case file is placed on Nicole’s desk, until Jack’s comes up and she begrudgingly marks it as closed. She files the Manilla folder into her desk drawer, wishing she had some way to contact his adoptive parents so that Ariel can meet with her brother again.
She makes a mistake when she looks up Marissa Mueller in the Calgary Prison Database.
She makes a mistake because while finding out her sentence is the same, she discovers that Ariel’s mother has become pregnant while in prison.
Nicole takes a deep breath and wants to call Waverly immediately until she remembers that Waverly, too is at work and she can’t interrupt as much as she’d like to.
When Wynonna returns, Nicole feels numb all over, but she refuses the drink that Wynonna hands to her.
“New people in the bar today, do people always make that much noise? ” Wynonna asks.
“New people?” Nicole cocks an eyebrow as Wynonna sits on the couch.
“Motorcycle gang from Edmonton. Doc was happy because they ran up quite a tab.”
“Weird,” Nicole says, absentmindedly.
The motorcycle gang turns out to be trouble. Nicole doesn’t get home until after 11:00, breaking up a bad bar fight at Shorty’s on her way home. Doc tips his hat in thanks, but the ride home is mostly silent. As she enters the Homestead, they head their separate ways. She takes off her slightly stained Khakis and button up and trades them for a rainbow T-shirt and sweatpants. She pulls her hair up into a half-pony tied with an elastic. She’s nearly unrecognizable. Her head is pounding, but she doesn’t want to wake Waverly up to be the bearer of bad news about the Mueller baby.
She walks into the girls’ room and finds Ariel sleeping peacefully, breathing in and out, in and out. She hopes her baby is happy and feels safe with herself and Waverly. Nicole rubs her eyes, and sits on the edge of Ariel’s tiny bed.
“CoCo had a hard day,” she whispers aloud, crawling under the covers. Her feet nearly stick off of the edge, but she tucks her head under Ariel’s chin, and wraps her arms around the tiny girl’s torso.
“It wasn’t horrible but it made me super sleepy and I think I just need to close my eyes for a minute.” Nicole yawns, and presses a kiss to Ariel’s cheek. A few seconds later, she feels small hands pulling at her hair, fluffing it up and down.
“CoCo you back?” a little voice asks.
“I’ll always come home to you, Ariel,” Nicole murmurs. Ariel sits up, and positions Nicole’s head atop her tiny lap. Little fingers run through thick red hair.
“You out all day.”
Nicole grins up at her little girl who gives her a pensive look with a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I know. I missed you and your Mama very much.”
“I missed you,” Ariel says. “Mama says you work hard for us because you’re a big girl. Alice is a big girl too. Alice doesn’t have headphones. Don’t want to wear them.”
“You don’t have to be just like Alice to be a big girl, Ari. You’re becoming such a big girl by yourself. Mama and I are proud.” Nicole presses a kiss to Ariel’s cheek.
“It’s okay not to be a big girl sometimes, CoCo.” Ariel leans over Nicole, and pulls her Mom up for a hug. They fall asleep with Nicole’s head tucked under Ariel’s chin. She holds Ariel a bit tighter tonight.
In the middle of the night, she realizes that Waverly has crawled into the tiny bed as well, and Ariel is sleeping, safely and snugly between them.
It’s okay not to be a big girl sometimes.
It’s okay to ask for help in the Mueller case and it’s okay to be concerned about the wellbeing of the baby.
Because if Waverly’s up for it, she wants to do everything in her power to protect the baby.
It’s okay if Ariel is on the Autism Spectrum.
Because she might be. It doesn’t mean she’ll be taken away.
It’s okay if she isn’t.
Because no matter what, they’re a family.
In the morning, she and Waverly will talk. But right now, they’ll stay, cuddled up in Ariel’s tiny bed until morning.