Work Text:
The thing no one tells you about being stuck on a big rock hurtling through space at the speed of light is that it’s hella boring. You’re currently hanging sideways off the arm of one of the couches in the common room, entertaining yourself with the feeling of blood rushing to your face. Have you mentioned that you’re bored?
Objectively, there’s a lot you could do to try and reduce your critical boredom levels, but when you cycle through the usual options, nothing really sounds all that appealing. Writing raps, messing around on the internet, eating weird troll food; it all seems so stale. That’s the kind of stuff six months ago meteor Dave would do. Has done. Especially eating troll food. It’s disgusting.
If you’re being honest, the only thing that’s been of interest to you lately is, well, hanging out with Karkat. He’s been an endless well of entertainment; all you gotta do is drop in a stimulus and watch the different ways he’ll respond.
Unfortunately, Karkat is asleep right now. Despite being far away from both Earth’s and Alternian solar systems, and indeed any source of natural light, for some reason all of the meteor’s inhabitants were steadfastly keeping to their traditional sleep cycles. This meant there was a decent chunk of time where Karkat was sleeping while you were awake, and vice versa. Not to mention that you know Karkat isn’t the type of person who lets himself get a lot sleep on the regular, so on the occasion he does haul his ass to bed, you don’t dare do anything to jeopardize those forty winks.
At the sound of encroaching footsteps you pull yourself up quickly, hoping it’s Karkat. You should be so lucky.
“Dave. What a fine evening we’re having.”
Ugh. You flop back over the couch. You feel a coolness settle over the place where your shirt rides a little up over your stomach, but you don’t care to fix it. The cushion next to you depresses as Rose takes a seat.
“Hella fine,” you say.
“Hmm. Some might observe that the curvature of your spine suggests a certain melancholy.”
“Nah. I’m just bored. What did kids our age even do? Where would we be right now if our lives were like, normal? School, I guess. We’d be in high school right now. What do high school kids do for fun?”
Rose shifts, and you hear the familiar gentle clinking of knitting needles. Looks like you’ll be here a while.
“I admit I don’t know. I can surmise that there are certain universal activities that fall under the typical high school experience. Playing sports, for example. Performing in musical theater. Going to prom.”
Prom, now there’s something. “You know what? I am upset after all. I’m upset about missing prom.”
“Really. From what I’ve seen and heard of the experience, it does not seem particularly desirable.”
“Maybe. You gotta admit it’s kind of a shame we’ll never go, though. It’s like the classic coming of age experience. If the dumb ass movies I’ve been marathoning with Karkat are anything to go by, it’s kind of a huge deal.”
“I see. Perhaps we could throw one ourselves?”
“That’s an idea.” There’s no doubt in your mind that anything you manage to throw together will be terrible, but not boring at least.
“Certainly." The clinking of needles pauses for a second. "And of course, you’d finally have a chance to ask Karkat out on a date.”
You sit up so fast your head starts spinning. “What do you mean?”
Rose blinks at you. “Dave. You’re terribly obvious. You two spend every waking moment together. I’ve seen the way you look at him. You two have been circling around each other for months now. You would make a very lovely couple, if I may say so.”
“No, you may not,” you say. “There is no ‘way’ I look at him, unless you mean with hella bugged out eyes at the crazy shit he says literally all the time.”
“If you insist,” Rose says lightly, in exactly the tone you know really means, you’re wrong. She has her eyes on her knitting, which helps you because your face feels really hot right now and you don’t think you could take her usual stare down, even through your shades. It’s time to extricate yourself from the situation. You hop up.
“You’re wrong,” you throw out weakly, taking backward steps toward the door. God, you can’t even muster up a farm fresh comeback, what is up with you?
Rose smiles widely, like your discomfort is feeding her life force, which it probably is. Like the monsters in movies that get stronger when people are afraid of them. “Going to see Karkat? I think he’s awake now. I heard the shower running on the way here.”
Oh god. “Nah, I’m gonna grab some grub. Not grub like troll food, just food. Like, noodles and shit. The grub food is nasty, Karkat made me eat a little bit and I might have spit it on him. Man, was he angry about that. Dude was rocking a straight seven on the troll Richter scale, please evacuate all inhabitants of this and nearby towns in the wake of his interminable rage. He actually made us go all the way to his block just to change into another one of his identical shirts…” you trail off, realizing what percentage of your story has became about Karkat.
“I think his shirts suit him well, don’t you?”
You’ve finally reached the doorway, and you press your lips together.
“Hilarious.”
“I thought so. See you later, Dave.”
“Well, have fun asking Kanaya out!” you yell out desperately, as you turn to leave.
She actually looks up this time, and smirks. “Oh, I intend to.”
Yeah, okay. Maybe that wasn’t the best comeback. But you are not going to see Karkat. You’re definitely not going to see Karkat. You make your feet march stubbornly in the direction of your room.
***
So your feelings for Karkat are a bit... complicated. You guys definitely spend a lot of time together, that’s for sure. Whether it’s fucking around in can town, watching shitty romance movies or just generally lounging around in the common area, wherever you are, Karkat is usually close by. You haven’t stopped to consider what that really means; why it makes you so happy when you manage to make his face crack into a smile at one of your jokes, or the little itch you always feel that makes you want to be hanging out with him whenever you’re not.
Oh god. Maybe you do want to ask Karkat out? Fuck! As soon as you have this thought, it’s like a switch flips in your brain, and your heart starts racing.
***
tentacleTherapist [TT] opened memo.
TT: Good evening everyone. Earlier, Dave and I were speaking about Earth customs that we are interested in bringing to the meteor. Specifically, the human custom called “prom”.
TT: While we are aware that the rest of the inhabitants here are not familiar with the idea of a prom, we thought you might be interested in having a small get together nonetheless.
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo.
TG: basically its a bunch of dancing to music and eating
TT: Yes, Dave is correct in that traditionally, a prom entails three major components: dancing, music, and refreshments.
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo.
GA: That Sounds Delightful
GA: What Costumes Are Required To Attend
gallowsCalibrator [GC] responded to memo
GC: HUM4N PROM SOUNDS FUN >:]
TT: I would encourage everyone to dress in a way that is comfortable but perhaps slightly more elegant than the clothing you would normally wear.
GA: Like Gowns
TG: yeah or like a plush tux
TG: i think i have one of those lying around
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo.
CG: SURE! LET’S ALL IGNORE OUR PROBLEMS AND FROLIC MINDLESSLY AROUND THE METEOR! BECAUSE THAT IS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME HERE DOING, INSTEAD OF CONTEMPLATING MY IMPENDING AND CERTAIN DEATH.
TG: i would think so
TG: also chill out dude you were just telling me yesterday how bored you are like all the time
CG: FUCK YOU STRIDER, I WAS NOT.
arachnidsGrip [AG] responded to memo.
AG: It’s a8out time something fun happened on this dusty old rock!
TT: Glad to see everyone is on board. Now let us discuss who will be in charge of what. I volunteer to take care of refreshments. Terezi, would you care to join me? Since the majority of attendees will be trolls, I want to make sure there is an inclusive menu for everyone.
GC: SUR3!
GA: I Will Take Charge Of Decorations
CG: WOW. WE ARE ALL SHOCKED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS.
GA: Would You Like To Provide Me With Assistance Karkat
CG: …
CG: FINE.
TG: hahaha man you guys just knew music was for me
TG: im gonna kill it like you dont even know
TG: like a hunter coming back with big game
TG: got that fresh blood on his hands and you just know he was crackin some deer jaws wide open
TG: blood spurting like a fountain of lost youth
GC: CR4CK1NG J4WS? T3LL M3 MOR3 4BOUT TH1S HUM4N HUNT3R R1TU4L D4V3 >:]
GA: I Would Also Be Amenable To Learning About This Blood Ritual
TG: uh no
TG: god troll girls are so weird
AG: I guess that m8kes us partners, Dave!!!!!!!!
TG: hooray
TT: Great. Now that our roles are sorted out, we need to establish a time and setting. I would like to propose we make use of the common room, say, a week from today. Any objections?
TG: no lets do it
GA: That Sounds Like A Reasonable Time Frame To Me
TT: Wonderful. As a closing note, I would also like to mention that another tradition amongst human prom attendees is that you would attend with a partner. Generally speaking, a partner is usually someone that you are interested in romantically. You would then spend the evening in the company of that person, and in any instance you require someone to dance with, they would assume that role.
AG: Wow, laaaaaaaame!!!!!!!! I don’t need someone to hold my hand all the time, like everyone else on this stinking meteor.
GC: >:O
GC: WOULD YOU L1K3 TO 4CCOMP4NY M3 TO TH3 HUM4N PROM M1SS SP1NN3RET?
AG: Duh! Let’s crash this dum8 get together!
GA: I Dont Believe You Can Crash A Party To Which An Invitation Has Been Willingly Extended
TT: Willingly is a strong word.
TG: hey heres a crazy request
TG: what if you dont role play at the prom
GC: BOO!
AG: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
tentacleTherapist [TT] closed memo.
***
-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --
TG: okay spidey now that were the musical duo
TG: whatcha got
AG: Sorry Dave, 8ut I’m not actually helping with that!
AG: Do you know how many irons I have in the fire?
TG: random guess
TG: is it eight
AG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
AG: I’ve always liked you.
AG: I still can’t help you, though.
AG: Gooooooood luck, loser!!!!!!!!
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --
TG: well
TG: cant say i didnt see that coming
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --
Honestly, you’re happier with that outcome. Vriska kind of scares you anyway, considering the fact that she's like, a straight up murderer. Plus you know you are more than able to throw together a rockin’ mix, solo style, that will blow the roof straight off of this prom.
You spend the evening lying in bed, creating mix after mix and resolutely not thinking about Karkat.
Okay so you think about him a little. Okay a lot. He's just... great. Who wouldn't want to date him? The thoughts pervade your mind and by the end of the night, you can no longer deny the facts. You are going to ask him to the prom.
***
Attempt one is less of an attempt one and more you walking into the common room the next evening, seeing Karkat standing at the bookcase, and then immediately making a beeline for the other exit. You hear a confused, "Dave?" as you pass him quickly, but you don’t stop until you cross the threshold, feeling like you’re about to throw up.
A few hours later you go for attempt two. Karkat is still in the common area, sitting at a table and furiously scribbling away at something that looks suspiciously like a note. He’s gotten in the habit lately of leaving around passive aggressive, and sometimes just plain fucking aggressive notes around the meteor. You regularly open the fridge to see notes that say shit like:
HEY YOU. YEAH, YOU WHO JUST LEFT THE ALMOST EMPTY CONTAINER OF GRUB SAUCE IN THE FRIDGE INSTEAD OF JUST THROWING IT AWAY. PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND REFRAIN FROM EATING, BECAUSE CLEARLY THE EXTRA NUTRITION IS GOING TO WASTE. IT CERTAINLY ISN’T SUPPLYING ANYTHING TO YOUR UNDERDEVELOPED THINK PAN! WHEN YOU SEE THIS, FOR THE LOVE OF SKAIA, WALK THE THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY STEPS OVER TO THE VERY ALCHEMITER WE HAD PUT IN HERE FOR THIS SPECIFIC REASON, AND REPLACE THE SAUCE YOU SO GLUTTONOUSLY CONSUMED WITH NO REGARD FOR THE OTHER INHABITANTS OF THIS METEOR. THANKS.
You walk in, instantly nervous. He seems so normal, fuck, how could he be so normal? When Karkat notices you, he quickly stashes the note away. Guess you won’t know what it’s about until you stumble upon it.
“Where have you been?” he asks you suspiciously. No doubt you have been acting hella weird lately.
“Busy,” you supply, like a vague asshole. You walk over as casually as possible, and lean against the wall.
Karkat twists in his chair to peer closely at you. “Dave, we spend almost every waking minute together. You’ve asked me if we could shower together before.”
You try to let out a laugh but it definitely just sounds like you’re choking. Your face feels hot. Oh god, did you really ask that? Obviously Karkat took it as a joke, but...
You stumble inelegantly into a subject change. “So how’s the decorating with Kanaya going?”
He rolls his eyes. “I don’t think I was ever meant to help. She picked me because she knew I would be the easiest one to kick off her team.” He huffs. “I’m surprised it took her this long to realize the gravity of my uselessness to anyone for anything.”
He looks down. A little voice chants in your head: Ask him, ask him, ask him! You clench your fists, pulling them behind your back so he can’t see that you’re pretty much freaking out in every way.
“Do you want to–” Go to prom with me! The words get caught in your throat. Your heart is beating so fast. This feels worse than dying. And you should know.
He looks up sharply, eyebrows cinched together. “What?”
“I… do you want to help me with the music? Vriska pretty much bailed on me immediately. I’m rolling solo.”
Karkat’s face relaxes. “Oh. Yes, but only because if we have to rely on your taste, we’ll all die sitting in our seats, waiting for the non-shitty music to start.”
You barely register the barb. Your stomach is too busy untwisting itself from the mother of all knots. “Haha. Okay, great. Maybe we can work on it tomorrow, then.”
“Yeah.” His smile is slight, but it makes your insides jump.
***
“Come on man, you don’t like this one either?”
Karkat is wearing your headphones, and a scrunched up expression on his face. There are three more days until prom. The playlists you made are almost ready, if you could just get a final approval from a certain party.
“No. How could you like this?” he says, eyes popping out of his head like the very notion has affronted him. “No one is saying anything! It’s all meaningless garbage!”
“That’s just the way pop songs are my dude,” you inform him.
You queue a slow song next. Not all of these songs are particularly your style, but you know that there are just certain songs you have to play at prom.
“Now this one is for the slow dance. Every prom has some good ballads. That gives the couples a chance to get real snuggly and dance close to each other.”
“Is this entire wretched event completely centered around the fact that you are with a date?”
You shrug. “Well it’s high school, so.. kind of. We’re talking peak puberty age. Hormones are just flying around the place unchecked, kids struggling to reign in their newfound sexual urges, feeling attraction to someone for the first time, or maybe not for the first time but it’s definitely the first time they wanna do something about it, you know? Find out up close and personal what that little flutter in their chest means when they look at that special someone.”
Karkat is raising an eyebrow at you.
“I can’t pretend that most of that wasn’t absolute nonsense, but I do recognize the sound of flushed feelings when I hear them.” He sighs. “Which does give some context to this ridiculous charade.”
Flushed, that’s the red love quadrant. Oh man, if there’s any time to ask him it’s gotta be now.
You both go a bit quiet after that. You play a couple more songs while slowly building up your resolve, which basically entails internally shouting, ask him, ask him!, until your guts are so liquified they could be sipped through a silly straw.
“Uh,” you begin eloquently.
Karkat looks at you. His features are unusually soft, and his eyes are wide. You don’t even think twice about the fact that there’s yellow where you used to expect white. Grey where you would expect brown, green, or blue. You don’t think twice anymore because it’s just Karkat. Karkat’s eyes are perfect because they’re his. And because think you can see an opening in them for yourself. Wow. That sure was a thought you just had. Okay, focus!
“What if we went together?”
If you were actually a competent God of Time, this is the moment where you would pause it, collect yourself, assess damage, and then return to the moment as cool as a cucumber.
As it stands, you helplessly sit and watch Karkat’s face for a reaction, feeling a sensation that can only be described as your entire body folding in on itself.
You’re not sure how much time goes by. Again, poor God. You’re not sure if it’s two seconds or two minutes before the cold hand of fear takes hold of your chest and squeezes, expelling a string of words before you can stop them.
“Like as friends. Just two dudes attending a prom together. Two bros accompanying each other on a fine night of dance and celebration.”
Karkat's face is blank. It’s starkly different from usual, normally you can read any emotion on his face through the typical overdramatic Karkat filter.
“As friends,” he repeats like he’s sounding the words out for the first time in his life.
All of your internal panic alarms are blaring. What the fuck are you doing? Mayday, mayday! The S.S. Dave has capsized, washed away by the storm of idiocy that is your decision making.
“Yeah. I just figured if you didn’t have a date that we could go together.”
Stop talking!
Karkat's words are still slow, careful. “You want to go to this romantically oriented dance as friends?”
No! Goddamnit!
You shrug. “Sure, why not.”
Because it should be a date!
“We don’t have to go together to go as friends, Dave. That sounds pretty stupid.”
It is stupid!
“Yeah, which is why we should. Everyone will be expecting us to go alone, until we flip the tables and roll in as one super bronamic duo. It’s all about the irony.”
And there it is, the last nail in your coffin. You sink back into the word like it's a life raft and you're lost at sea. So very lost.
His eyebrows crease together in a way that can mean a million things. But he takes a long look at you, like he’s trying to see through your shades.
“Ugh, fine,” he finally says. “I can't say I haven't done things with you that were way more pan-addled than attending a dance.”
He turns back to the playlist with a disapproving frown.
You idiot.
After the Karkat fiasco, your week continues like normal. Well, almost like normal. You and Karkat hang out, but neither of you brings up the prom at all, or the fact that you’re going together. As friends.
Part of you wants to talk about it, thinking maybe you can somehow unknot yourself from the giant clusterfuck of a situation you've created. And if not, maybe this is a good thing. After all, what if you had been just setting yourself up to be rejected? At least this way, you guys are definitely going together. It may not be a date, but you’ll get to hang out and dance all night with Karkat, and that's basically the same thing. Right?
You wake up the morning of the day before prom with a string of new messages from Rose. Rose, who you’ve been completely ignoring for almost an entire week now.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
TT: Dave, your recent reticence has been concerning. I can’t help but think you’ve been avoiding me.
TT: Could it be because there is a looming, event-oriented topic you do not wish to discuss?
TT: Let’s think. Oh, yes. I recall: as of our last conversation, you were going to ask Karkat to the prom.
TT: How did that go?
TG: wouldnt you know were actually going together
TT: Well then. Congratulations are in order, I expect.
TG: were going together as just friends
TT: Oh.
TT: Who’s stipulation was this?
TG: mine
TG: look i choked okay
TG: i realized you were right about my feelings for karkat and it messed with my head
TG: i did ask him at first but then i started to feel myself flipping way off the handle so i took a deep dive straight into the friend zone
TG: scored tens across the board
TT: I’m sorry to hear that. I wouldn’t lose hope. If Karkat is the romantic that we know him to be, I’m sure there will be a myriad of opportunities to create another proposition.
TG: yeah
TG: maybe
TG: so how did it go with kanaya
TT: We will be attending together.
TG: aw nice
TT: As friends.
TG: oh my god
TG: but you were so confident
TT: Yes, well, I believe there is a perfect phrase to describe what happened.
TT: I choked.
TG: this is unbelievable
TG: i cant believe there is a plethora of hot alien babes on this meteor right now that we could be getting busy with and we both fucking struck out
TT: Perhaps it is a family curse.
TT: May thy loins be forever barren, and thy heart dry.
TT: Be led not into hands of Earthly temptation, but the cold embrace of solitude.
TG: yeah okay but
TG: heres the thing
TG: tomorrows prom right
TT: Correct.
TG: how about instead of that depressing shit
TG: we woo the fuck out of these trolls
TG: human style
TG: with music and dancing and fuckin
TG: feel food brain chemicals
TT: I’m in favor.
TT: I may have alchemized a beverage or two that might help grease the wheels on this plan, so to speak.
TG: sweet more alcohol
TG: as long as vriska is around to keep you from going off the deep end with the fun juice
TT: Well then. I’m going to go put some final preparations in order.
TT: I suggest you do the same.
TG: right i gotta revise all my playlists
TG: crank the seduction level up to the max
TG: thats right im talking about r kelly
TG: oh shit rose
TG: they wont know what hit them
TT: Indeed. To borrow a phrase from a popular artist of our time: we’ll come in like a wrecking ball.
TG: oh my god
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
The rest of the day passes in a blur. You and Karkat fuck around with the mixes a little more, apparently there weren’t enough Alternian selections in the final playlist for his taste.
To be honest, a lot of the troll music he gives you pretty much sounds like human music, just in Alternian. Regardless you dutifully mix in both slow and fast songs, and pretty soon you have a playlist fit for… well, a prom.
Here's hoping you get your happy ending.
***
It’s five minutes to eight and you’re standing at your mirror, looking at your outfit. You think you look pretty good, in a maroon red suit with a black tie and shoes. You're nervously patting down your hair when there's a knock at your door and your heart jumps directly into your throat.
It’s not a date, you remind yourself vainly.
Karkat rolls his eyes as soon as you open the door. It’s oddly comforting and you have to suppress a grin.
Time to turn on the charm.
You lean yourself casually against the doorframe. “Sup.”
He’s wearing a nicely fitted powder gray suit with a black tie and shoes. He looks incredible, honestly.
“Let’s go,” he says, barely meeting your eyes. Shades. Whatever.
“Short today, are we? Not physically short, because you’re always short. I just mean–”
“Strider, please,” he cuts you off. “This is supposed to be a leisure event. Don’t make me hurt you.”
Strider, that’s new too. New as in he stopped calling you that months ago. Okay.
You do shut your mouth, half out of nerves, and half because over the past few months you've gotten to understand the different levels of Karkat anger pretty well, and it kind of seems like he’s actually upset.
You both start down the hallway and yeah, this is weird. All of your usual banter is absent as Karkat marches beside you stiffly.
You try some small talk, but his responses are unreasonably barbed. You’re trying really hard not to take it personally, and actually when you think about it, this is how Karkat used to be all the time. But he’s not been this way with you in a long time. The Karkat you’ve become friends with, the Karkat you like, the one you’ve been falling over yourself to ask on a date, that Karkat laughs openly, gets flustered easily and always has a strong opinion on everything.
The common room looks… nice. You weren’t expecting much, but Kanaya really put her feet into the decorating. Or her troll walk stubs or whatever.
String lights hang from every wall, giving the room a warmish, dim glow. Everything has been cleared out of the center of the room to create a dance floor, with couches and tables making up the perimeter. An actual disco ball is actually fucking hanging from the ceiling. There is a table with a punch bowl, cups and a few bottles of some colorful drinks you assume Rose alchemized. On the same table there is also a large platter of what you are really hoping are pigs in a blanket, something that looks like shrimp cocktail maybe, if the shrimp were replaced with bugs, and another platter with an assortment cookies and desserts. At the far end of the room, there’s another table with speakers on it.
Also, looks like you and Karkat are the first ones to arrive. You both stand at the entrance awkwardly before you push yourself forward, mumbling something about the DJ booth.
You curse yourself as you start plugging the speaker equipment into your laptop. What’s even going on here? Clearly Karkat is pissed, did you do something to upset him? No, because he had already been angry when he arrived at your door. Okay, so he was already upset, it’s probably not too much to assume that it could be because he doesn’t want to be at this prom. Or more likely, he doesn’t want to be at this prom with you.
You start one of the playlists you and Karkat made and look over at him. He's standing by the table with the food, arms crossed. Just as you’re trying to decide how long you can feasibly stay by the speakers, Rose and Kanaya appear in the doorway.
Unspeaking, they branch off as they enter the room, walking in different directions, both looking tense and uncomfortable. It’s a little awkward to watch. Is this what you and Karkat look like? Damn. You resolve to fix whatever is going on between the both of you today.
Rose meets you by the DJ booth, while Kanaya approaches Karkat by the snacks.
“Dave,” she greets.
You muster up a smirk, as if your stomach is not currently rolled into an unfathomable ball of nervous energy. “Sup Rose. How is Operation Smooth Operator going?”
Rose gives you a practiced smile. “Not well, I’m afraid. But I’m hoping a round of intentional refreshments will do much to mediate the situation.”
You nod, not willing to pry further into the situation. “Well then, let’s get our booze on.”
You’ve never drank before, but you’ve had a front row, all-access pass to Rose and how she reacts when she drinks. There’s a sweet spot between when she starts drinking and when she’s had way too many, where she’s pretty relaxed and fun to be around. You’re hoping you can get your and Karkat’s asses in that restricted lounge area. Just gotta get past the velvet ropes and schmooze your way right into those special VIP privileges up to and including solving all of your current romantic problems.
Rose takes your hand and leads you toward the drinks. Kanaya and Karkat have since taken a seat at one of the couches across the room; they look deep in conversation.
You shake away the immediate panicky thought that they’re talking about you, and focus on the drinks that Rose is holding out; two cups filled halfway to the top with a dark red liquid.
“Is this wine?”
“Alchemizing true wine proved to be extremely complex; trying to artificially simulate any substance created from organic matter is, as usual, exceedingly difficult. However, I did a small amount of improvisation and wine would probably be the most closely matching term for this, so yes.”
Some internal part of you delights at the knowledge that you’re drinking sort-of wine. Drinking is not something you really thought you’d ever get to do, what with the utter destruction of your entire planet and everything on it.
You try to take the drinks from her, but she keeps her grip. “Sip, not drink,” she warns, eyeing you steadily.
That’s cute, you think. Like you’re going to do something stupid tonight because of these drinks. Fat chance.
“Okay, okay,” you agree and Rose releases the drinks to you and turns back to the table. It’s probably time to go get this party started. You take a sip out of one of the cups as you walk over to where Kanaya and Karkat are sitting. They both turn to look at you as the drink hits your tongue, and you have to fight to stop yourself from making a face at the taste.
It’s like nothing you’ve really ever tried. It’s fruity, and maybe even grapelike, but in a very detached way, with a bitterness that makes you think of the first time you tried plain black tea. But, it’s just sweet enough that you wanna take another sip. So you do.
Karkat averts his eyes from yours as you approach. You take a deep breath and try not to let it affect you. Kanaya, ever polite, looks up to greet you. “Hello Dave.”
“Sup Kanaya.”
There’s not enough room on the couch for you to sit with them, so you just sort of, stand there holding the drinks. Yours, and the one you brought for Karkat, but suddenly can’t build up the nerve to give him.
“How is your evening so far?”
“Pretty good,” you boldy lie. “Full disclosure, I’ve never been to an Earth prom, so I can’t say how it compares so far, but I think we’re killing it. And it looks great in here, so good job.
Kanaya smiles behind one hand. “Thank you. I think you’ve excelled in your area of contribution, as well. I am quite enjoying the musical selections.”
“Thanks.” Sensing an opportunity, you add, “Karkat actually picked this one out. The guys got decent musical taste. For a troll.”
Now, normally that would have set Karkat off on a tantrum for a duration of at least ten minutes. As it stands, you glance at him and he only grunts. Then Kanaya narrows her eyes and shoots him a look, and oh boy, what the fuck does that mean. You hurriedly take another sip of your drink, averting your eyes and trying to pretend like you don’t exist in this moment, fuck.
“Careful Dave,” Rose says, suddenly at your shoulder. “That’s a microaggression. Would you care for a beverage Kanaya?”
You roll your eyes as Kanaya takes the drink, gripping your two cups tightly.
Karkat sits up straighter. “No, Dave, she’s right. You can take your ignorant, petty, hate speech spewing lips and sew them shut just like Gamzee’s idiot ancestor did, and then you can do us all a favor and throw yourself head first into the putrid black hole you crawled out of! I simply cannot believe the borderline monsoon level floods of verbal feces you fling around this dreaded meteor! And let me fucking guess! You didn’t realize you said anything wrong, because of course you don’t think that the things you say matter! Breaking news, asshole! Everyone around you is affected by the things you say! You can’t just fucking throw around words like they’re meaningless, like they’re your shitty swords, impaling anyone in your path! Fuck you!”
Well, you can’t say you didn’t want this. By the time he’s finished ranting, Karkat has actually gotten up from his seat and is fully screaming, breathing hard and finally looking at you properly for the first time since the night began.
“Shit,” you say. Your face is burning, and you’re suddenly very aware of Rose and Kanaya’s presence. You don’t look at them. You can’t really think of anything to say. “Shit,” you say again, like your brain is skipping. “Sorry.”
Your entire body feels frozen. Is he talking about what you said just now or something else? You were kidding, but you don’t think it would be helpful to mention that right now. What else have you said to offend him? Trying to think back, you are struck by the fact that your memory is complete shit, and to add to that, you’re a little too flustered to think properly anyway. Better file that one away for future examination.
Rose clears her throat. “Kanaya, would you care to accompany me to the refreshments table? I would like some assistance in navigating some of the more foreign items.”
Kanaya smiles tightly, but gets up and follows Rose. Right as she passes by, you catch her giving Karkat another wide-eyed look. God damn it. That was definitely about you.
You look back at Karkat. He still hasn’t responded, but he has gone back to breathing pretty normally, so that’s a good sign. He flops back down on the couch, and after a moment’s hesitation you sit beside him.
“I got you a drink,” you say, finally. He glares at you, but takes the cup.
“By the way, Rose said to sip this shit. It’s not your mama’s grape juice.”
He holds it up to his mouth, staring straight at you while he tilts it up and takes several defiantly large gulps. You fight the urge to laugh. Oh no.
“Seriously, you’ve seen what Rose gets like after a few drinks, so I wouldn’t go that hard if I was you, unless you want to take an airdrop express into Pukesville, USA. Population you, and an infunitum of pissed janitors.”
You snicker at your own joke, and Karkat scowls.
“Please, Dave,” he says, crossing his legs, “I am, and forever will be, in perfect control of my facilities.”
“Sure,” you say, and go to take a sip of your drink, only to discover that there’s nothing left in the cup. Hmm. Interesting.
You turn in your seat to face Karkat full on, feeling a rush of boldness that you don’t stop to question. “Hey, are you mad at me or something?”
He sighs deeply. “No Dave, I am not mad at you ‘or something’.”
“Okay,” you say. “Well, I just wanted you to know that just because we came here together on a bro date, we don’t have to like, stay together all night or anything.” There we go. Now he knows he's not chained to you all night, and maybe he won't be as upset anymore.
You watch his lips purse, but before he can say anything you hear a loud, very familiar cackle, and Terezi steps into the room, followed closely by Vriska. They’re both dressed top to bottom in those elaborate role playing outfits.
“You’ll pay for what you did, Mindfang!” Terezi shouts, brandishing her dragon shaped cane spear thing.
Vriska stalks in with her sword raised. “It figures a sucker like you would step right into my web!”
The warm buzzy feeling that’s been slowly manifesting itself throughout your body tells you that you find all of this mildly entertaining. You quickly tune their words out but continue to watch as they fight fiercely. This lasts maybe two minutes until they both put away their weapons and go over to the tray of food, fucking giggling. Those girls are so weird, you swear to god.
Rose and Kanaya who have been chatting by the food, take up their place in the center of the dance floor. An uptempo song is playing and they move happily to the music. You wonder if they’ve talked yet. Either way, watching your sister dance is absolutely the highest entertainment right now. You’ve seen her dance before, but it’s still such a contrast from the way she normally holds herself that it strikes you as pretty hysterical. A thought occurs to you and you giggle, turning to Karkat.
“No,” he says before you can get out the question.
You downturn your lips at him in a pout you truly believe could probably bring about world peace, and his eyes widen warningly.
“I’m not dancing.”
“Fine,” you say petulantly, “I’ll just go dance with Rose and Kanaya.”
You stand up and walk over to the drinks table, refill your cup with the non-wine wine, and down the whole thing in three gulps. Wine is the shit.
You don’t always dance, but nothing can stop you when you’re in the right mood and the jams are tight. You stroll up to the girls and join in, letting your body shake freely to the music. Everything feels so loose and good. After a minute you notice that both girls are giving you an amused look.
“What?”
Rose responds first. “Dave, how do you feel right now?”
“What?” you reply. What a weird question. “Good, I feel really good! Why?”
“I do believe I told you to sip.”
You scoff at her.
“I’ll put this simply,” she continues, “You’re drunk. The good news is, typically the effects from this level of inebriation are both benign and short lived, but in the interest of acting on the side of being cautious, I’m going to get you a glass of water.”
Rose walks off, leaving you with Kanaya, who still has her own cup with her. She doesn’t look any different, as far as you can tell. You wonder if she’s feeling any effects from the drinks. You wonder if Karkat is.
“I do not think this human soporific beverage has an effect on trolls,” she states, like she can read your mind. Or more likely, like you’ve been mumbling your thoughts aloud again.
“Oh.” Well there goes that plan, flushed straight down the U-bend like yesterday’s morning shit.
The song switches to a troll one that has a more relaxed tempo, and you both slow your movements to match. Terezi and Vriska simultaneously squeal and run out to the dance floor. Must be a good one.
“I do love this song,” Kanaya sighs, as she twists her body. She’s wearing a long dark green gown with sequins all over it. This close, you really can’t deny the fact that Kanaya is smokin’ hot, in a vampire goth kind of way.
As you dance, you can’t help but glance over at Karkat. He’s still in the same spot on the couch, with his arms crossed. You snort. Is he really gonna sit there the entire night? The next time you look over, the Mayor has joined him on the couch. Aw shit, how could you guys forget to invite the fucking Mayor? Of course the Mayor knew where the party was at. The Mayor is the best.
Your attention snaps back as you hear Kanaya's voice. “Dave, may I ask you a question and trust you’ll answer honestly?”
Hmm. You’re pretty sure nothing good will come out of a question like that. And yet, here you are with your critical thinking and decision making skills just a bit muddled, so instead you nod your head.
“Yeah man, shoot like you've got the rock and you're headed for the all star championships.”
“Is it a typical human custom to invite someone to attend an event such as this as a friend?”
Oh god. Is she talking about you and Karkat, or her and Rose? Or both? You look back over at Karkat. Rose is standing next to him and the Mayor, talking to them. Wasn't she getting you water? Karkat looks a little pissed, but you can’t really tell if it’s much more than usual.
Kanaya’s always straight up with you, so you you decide that just this once you can spit the truth. Lob that shit like a wad of black slimy tobacco cud into a spittoon.
“No, it’s bullshit,” you say. Kanaya who has been peering at you carefully, or as carefully as she can while also swiveling her hips, slows a little and turns her head. Just then, the song switches to another one of Karkat’s picks; this one is a slow, romantic ballad. You might not speak Alternian but you know crooning when you hear it. “Yeah,” you continue, probably unwisely, “Someone asking you to the prom as a friend means that they really wanted to ask you as their date but ended up pissing the bed somehow instead of popping the big question. Going as a friend thing, that’s those plastic sheets your mom puts down after the tenth load of laundry in two weeks. Or maybe the it’s the hundred pack case diapers.”
You’re digressing, and Kanaya’s eyebrows have been steadily furrowing in confusion since you started your answer. You keep talking anyway, it’s like you can’t stop yourself. “All I’m saying is if someone asked someone else to the prom as a friend, if you didn’t like them back that would be hella disappointing you know?”
Kanaya still looks confused, so for good measure you add, “I know this is about Rose, man. I represent fifty percent of the human culture expertise currently located on this meteor, and with that authority I’m gonna go ahead and lay down a blanket statement that you don’t need to ask someone to the prom as a friend. It literally makes no sense unless you’re crushing hard, dude.”
You know she finally catches your drift when you see the light dusting of green creeping into her cheeks. She glances over at the corner you know Rose is in and clears her throat. “Well then. Dave, I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me. It seems a conversation is in order.”
Kanaya almost looks like she’s about to say something else, but then she shakes her head slightly, instead gliding over to the back corner of the room. Man, what would Rose do without you? Here you are single handedly sparking the flames of her love life, and she’s over there chatting it up to Karkat, probably in the middle of saying something to make you look bad–
Oh no.
Karkat is looking directly at you with his mouth agape. Fuck! You cringe, imagining the complement of the conversation you just had with Kanaya happening with Rose and Karkat. It’s twisted and ugly feeling, like looking in a funhouse mirror. You feel slightly sick and cross your arms to your chest tightly.
Probably five seconds have passed and he’s still looking at you, and you still aren’t making any physical reaction. You’re not sure you can move, presently. Your eyes are wide behind your shades and it feels like your entire body is trying to invert itself. The music that was playing–a poppy, fast chart topper–has gone silent in your head. There’s no way he doesn’t know how you feel about him now. All that exists is the heat of embarrassment that floods your face and the white noise of panic in your ears. This is not how you saw any of this going down. Maybe that’s why you’re the Time guy.
Terezi’s voice is finally what breaks through the haze, like a fist straight into a Break In Case Of Emergency box. “Skaia to coolkid!” she calls while poking you harshly in the small of your back with her cane blade thing. Something releases in you and you spin around, mouth dry, but working.
“Sup,” you say. Nice. Keep it cool, like you don’t want to go off running and sobbing to your block like some kindergartener who got their first scraped knee at recess.
“Hey coolkid, you don’t look very cool dancing by yourself,” she teases, as she twists her body beneath her to the song. At one points she contorts her waist almost two hundred degrees and it’s very inhuman looking, but you’re used to that with Terezi now. She’s so obviously different from you, it’s almost all you can focus on when you talk to her. It was different when you were both chatting and fucking around online, but in person you’ve found that she can be very… intense.
You haven’t enough experience with other trolls to say for sure if it’s specific to her, or if it’s just a troll thing in general. Out of everyone, you’ve definitely spent the most time with Karkat and even though he’s a troll too, when you look at him, the only thing you really see is someone you want to hug the shit out of, and that’s real. Wait, fuck, don’t think about Karkat.
“Shit, man. I was just taking a little breather. It was getting really intense out here with me bustin’ mad moves to these baller tunes, you know how it is. Where’s Vriska? Or did you send her to the rainbow fuckass gallows already?”
You’re kind of letting your mouth cruise on autopilot, with every ounce of thought you have going toward the express purpose of pretending that Karkat is not in the current state of existing less than twenty feet away from where you’re standing. You bob and sway slightly to the music, enough so that you’re on beat. Perfectly incognito. Who’s flustered over here? It sure isn’t you.
Terezi smiles widely, flashing all of her extremely deadly looking teeth. “Mindfang was apprehended. If it pleases the court, she is being held in detention until she chooses to comply with my investigation.”
“Uh-huh," you answer absently. Damn, you really could have used that water. Your head is definitely spinning now, spinning right round baby, right round.
“Hey,” she says a little sharply, her mouth slowly twisting into snarl of a grin, “Shouldn’t you be dancing with Karkat?”
You bristle, shaking your head out of a daze. “What? No, dude. Besides, he’s been glued to that couch since we–” You stop talking, because when you look back over at the couch Karkat is gone. Rose and Kanaya are also gone. Even the Mayor is gone.
What the fuck!
"Hey I gotta go," you say abruptly, already walking away from Terezi; you're a little unsteady on your feet but solid. Mostly.
She says something in response you don’t catch over the sound of your heart racing like it's just closing in on second place in a cross country marathon. You head through the door nearest to the couch Karkat had been sitting on; the couch his ass had been glued too all night because you were too busy freaking out to even entertain the thought of being with him at this prom in the first place. Which was, you remind yourself, the only thing you even wanted out of this to begin with. How did things get so fucked?
Your head is spinning like a top. You start walking through the halls, headed in the direction of Karkat's room. You pull out your phone to text Rose, for good measure.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: rose what the fukc did you tell kartat
TG: i turn arsound for one second and hes vanished faster than a box of dunkin donuts at the yearrly office retreat
TG: all thast left are some sprinkles and crumbs and smear of deliscous red jelly
TG: cause people lvoe donuts rose
TG: whats the biggest impetesus to herd people to this prom anyway
TG: see it was probably thefood
TG: actually was it im not feeling like i can continue this metahor suddenly
TT: Dave, where are you right now?
TT: I would highly advise that you return to your room to retire for the night, you’re not exactly in the best mindset right now.
TG: you can jsut mind your business about what i should and shouldnt retire for the night
TG: kinda like you should have minded your business when it came to me and katkat and spilling all kidsn of secrets about me to him probly
TT: Do you really believe I would betray your trust like that? This is to say nothing of your explicit confession of my intentions to Kanaya.
TG: sorry i know i was outta line its just like fuck alcohol
TG: i feel like freslhy boiled shit rightt now
TT: No, it’s okay. I should actually thank you. And I did tell Karkat that inviting someone to the prom as a friend was indeed rare, but that your behavior rarely meets societal expectations and more often than not borders on completely mystifying.
TG: oh
TG: so why the fuck has he been so pised at me all night
TT: Perhaps Karkat is in a place where he’s looking for more out of his relationship with you and has been worn to the breaking point by your continual and adamant insistence that the two of you are just friends.
TG: were not just firends were best friends
TT: And you don’t ever wish it could be more?
TG: rose you do ever get tired of being right
TT: Not especially. In fact I find it quite exhilarating. Now if you’ll excuse me, Kanaya and I have some business to attend to.
TG: ew rose dont say it like that
TG: so gross
TT: Charming.
TT: Go to your room and get some rest.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
You reach Karkat's room and knock a couple of times. You have to brace yourself against his door a bit, resting your forehead against the cool steel. Holy fuck, your stomach is churning.
"Karkat!" you shout through the door. "Kark–"
It happens so fast. One second you're knocking on Karkat's door, and the next you're on your knees, emptying your guts in the hallway.
There's a bright light then, and then Karkat's voice rings out over you. "What the fuck!"
"Karkat," you slur, wiping your mouth on your sleeve. Oh fuck. This is not a good look for you. You manage to stand up, swaying a little on your feet, and you feel someone take a solid grip on your arm. Oh, it's Karkat. You blink up at him. His eyebrows are creased. God, he's so cute.
"Karkat," you try again. "We should... talk."
"Shut up, Dave." He pulls you by the arm into his room, and you stumble behind him, your head throbbing.
"I think I need to lay down."
He grunts, and guides you over to the cushy pile of blankets and stuffed animals you’ve seen him reading in before. You fall into the pile gratefully, spreading your limbs out around you and groaning.
Karkat walks over and sits at his computer desk, not looking at you. Remembering why you came down to see him in the first place, you open your mouth to ask him what’s going on, but your body doesn't respond. It feels like you’re being sucked into a pit of tar, deep and black. You struggle to even blink your eyes as you're dragged deeper and deeper, until you find you can’t anymore.
***
When you wake up, the first thing you notice is the smell. The sheets you're lying in are clean, with an faint, unnamable sweetness you recognize for all the times you've smelled it on his person. You're in Karkat's room. You stir weakly, and a vision of Karkat, still at his computer desk, slowly comes into view.
“Morning, sunshine,” you say.
Karkat spins to face you. “Oh. You’re awake.”
You stretch, digging your face into the soft sheets and letting your joints pop luxuriously.
“These are some nice digs, Karkat. It’s like sleeping in a fresh pile of laundry. Or–it is, I guess."
He responds with only a grunt, having turned back to tapping at his computer. Not exactly reassuring.
“So,” you try again, “How long was I out for?”
“Two and a half hours.”
“Shit dude. Sorry for getting blasted and totally ruining your night."
"It's fine, Dave." His answers are so clipped, you can't even get a read on his mood, but it doesn't seem good. Shit. Something in your brain is telling you to just leave it alone, leave him alone, and haven't you done enough tonight. But you just can't let it go, you don't want Karkat upset at you, even if he never ends up liking you the way you like him, you would rather hurl yourself headfirst off the meteor than give up your friendship.
You dig your fingers into the blankets anxiously. “Karkat? Are we… okay?”
He hisses this time and pulls himself away from his computer.
“No, Dave, we're not okay. I only let you come in because you demonstrated that were clearly unable to handle taking care of yourself out there after you emptied your digestive sac of that rancid human soporific. Now, if you don’t mind, since I can no longer even sit in my fucking room without you cursing my existence, I'm going to go exactly anywhere else that's not here. Going to that prom with you was bad enough, and if I have to spend one more second with your face plastered to the front of my eye stalks today, I think I’m going to implode!"
Your face is hot. “If you didn’t want to go with me, even as friends, you could’ve just said.”
"I did want to go with you!"
"Then what’s your issue? You’ve been upset since before the night even started."
He sucks in a breath, leaning back in his chair. "My issue, because you're constantly so far up your own nook to care about anybody that's not you, is that I wanted to ask you here as my date!"
Oh.
OH.
You sink back into the blankets. “Well fuck.”
Karkat puts his hands into his hair and stands up, moving away from his chair and winding into his typical distressed pace.
"I wanted to ask you for days, agonized over the perfect moment, the perfect time! I was going to write a note, then I fucking chickened out of that, and then I couldn’t summon the globes to actually ask you in person, and then you asked me to go as friends! So I didn’t say no, but I couldn’t help but be a little pissed off. Not even at you! Just... at myself. And now you know everything, and we all fucking know that you don't feel the same way about me, so please, save us both the trouble and just get out of here so I can nurse my festering wounds in private!"
Wait.
Your mind stops processing words a minute before he finishes talking. Karkat has a crush on you? You have to glance down at your body to make sure you're not floating right now. You struggle to your feet, you're not feeling sick anymore, but your head does still feel a little sensitive.
You have to tell him, and you have to tell him now. You take a few steps forward, rubbing at your neck nervously with one hand. Good thing you threw up already, because your guts are churning.
"Funny you should say that because I, uh, did want to ask you as my date–like, at first."
Karkat stops pacing to face you. "Oh," is all he says.
"Yeah," you continue. He's just standing there now, staring at you blankly, and your heart feels like it's about to explode out of your chest. "I really wanted us to go together and you know, bond romantically over cheesy songs and awkward mutual touching or whatever."
"Oh," he says again. "Okay."
You both stand there staring at each other for a second, as the silence stretches long enough to turn uncomfortable.
Now what?
You have an idea. Pulling out your phone, you start playing one of the slow ballad filled prom playlists you and Karkat made from its tiny speaker.
You put the phone in your chest pocket–speaker facing out–and hold out your hand, puffing yourself up with more bravado than you feel, or have ever felt in your life.
"Hey hot stuff, wanna dance?"
When Karkat's mask finally breaks, the first thing he fucking does is roll his eyes. He scoffs, but then steps forward to take your hand. It’s soft, and your stomach squirms when his fingers curl around yours.
You approach each other's bodies shyly, during which time you kind of feel like your heart is trying to escape through your throat, but you make it through. Moving agonizingly slowly, in case he wants to tell you to stop, you place one of your hands high on his hip, and he smiles in this tiny way that makes you melt.
As the soft melodies fill the air, you dance with Karkat in the slow, swaying way that you've definitely made fun of in movies you've watched together before. Neither of you talk much, and at least on your end it's because you're worried that if you open your mouth to talk, your stomach might come sliding out.
The next song that comes on is an Alternian one he'd picked. Maybe that's what prompts him to step a little closer to you. You tense as he wraps both his arms around your waist, and move your definitely not trembling hands so that they're linked around his neck. Shit. Now you're close enough to him that you can feel the warmth of his breath on your face.
Struck with another patented, brilliant Strider idea, you steel yourself and slip your shades up to the top of your head.
It may have been a mistake. The direct eye contact with Karkat at this distance is so much. His eyes are soft and searching, and he smiles his tiny smile at you again, and it's so genuinely flustering that you have to look away, breathing hard and leaning in even further so that you can breathe in the smell of his sweet, berry scented shampoo, feel the warmth of his cheek against yours as you rock back and forth together. Your chests are touching now, and your entire body is blazing. It's terrifying, but incredible.
You're startled when the playlist ends. Holy shit, how long have you been dancing? You pick your head up off Karkat's shoulder where you'd been resting it, mind clearing a bit from the warm haze that enveloped you while you two were so close.
"Alright," you say slowly, backing away, "Well. That was fun. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Wait," Karkat says, looking as dazed as you feel. You swear, you feel more intoxicated now than you did on all that wine earlier. You're not even sure if any of this is really happening.
"Um," he continues his eyes flicking between you and the floor, "That was nice, I guess."
"Yeah," you agree.
After a few more seconds of staring at each other awkwardly, you turn and he follows you to the entryway, and then you're both hedging in front of his door.
See, you're stuck on the fact that usually, people kiss at the end of dates. That sounds good, except for the fact that you can still see your puke from earlier lingering in the corner of your eye.
Yeah, that's not happening. Fuck! You decide to go in for a hug. It doesn't feel so heart stoppingly scary anymore, considering you've just spent an hour in what was essentially an elongated swaying hug.
But right before you completely pull away, Karkat darts toward you and kisses your cheek. You step backward, your face flaming.
"Goodnight Karkat," you squeak uncooly.
He’s smiling. "Goodnight Dave."
You wait until you hear his door slam, and then literally skip to your room, mind reeling.
What a night.