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A week away from South Park was just what the doctor ordered. Literally.
It turned out that Craig had some kind of spring allergy, which really explained a lot over that past decade and a half. Some special dust allergen was making its way past the mountain region and over South Park this time of year, which wouldn’t last long until it blew away into the next town. And just in time too, as spring break was just around the corner and while Thomas, Laura, and Tricia would be visiting family in Washington DC, Craig and Tweek decided to spend it in Colorado Springs, a good ways away from the mountain until the allergens passed.
That left only one problem.
“Stripe’s not meant for travel, he’s a domestic for a reason,” Craig tried to argue as he blew his nose. “I can’t take him, but I can’t just leave him! He’ll have no one to play with!”
Tweek always found it sweet how Craig would treat each of his guinea pigs with such tender care and love. He treated them as if they were his children.
“We can drop him of with Clyde, or Token if you’d rather. He’s rich enough to buy Stripe his own house.”
“What? No way! Every time Clyde comes over, Stripe bites him, and he doesn’t stand still when Token holds him.”
Tweek hummed, dogging his elbows into his lap as he rested his chin in his hands. He rocked a little bit as he sat on the bed to ease his own general anxiousness. “What about Jimmy? Or Butters?”
“Stripe likes to be held and Jimmy can’t really do it for a long time. And Butters has hamsters, they might be mean to Stripe.”
He laughed, throwing himself back on the bed so that he was staring up at the ceiling with his boyfriend. “What about the guys? Kyle or Stan and the rest of them?” Craig turned his head to glare at him in a deadpan stare. “Okay, point.”
They were set to leave on the bus that weekend. They had four days to think of something before Craig ended up cancelling the whole trip entirely. Tweek has no doubt that he would harbor the sneezing and headaches for another week, but this would be the first time they would be together for an outing as a couple.
They had gone on several trips before, sure, but it was always with friends or family. This was the first time that they would be able to be together for a couple’s vacation while they were still teenagers. A chance to be more independent, as Laura always probe they do.
“We could get another guinea pig,” Tweek suggested, surprised at his own words.
Craig was as well, turning to him again. “What?”
“I mean... never mind.” Tweek shook his head and looked away, feeling his panic rise. He felt like his heart was about to give out when Craig suddenly threw himself over him, straddling his hips as he looked down.
“No, seriously, Tweek. What about another guinea pig?”
Tweek gulped nervously. “I-I was just thinking... that maybe we could get Stripe a friend? You know, another guinea pig for him to be with while we’re gone? But that’s crazy, we would have to keep it and have two guinea pigs to take care of all the time, it’s more work for you since you keep Stripe at your house on the first place. It’s a stupid idea, really, and we can’t just return it when we get back, that wouldn’t be fair to the little guy. It’s a stupid idea, reall–“
Tweek was cut off when a pair of lips softly pressed against his own. Just like any other time, he melted into the kiss and moved his lips against Craig’s. It didn’t progress any further than that when Craig lifted his head a little to look at him in his eyes.
“God, you’re adorable when you think about that.”
“Like what? When I make stupid suggestions?”
“No. When you show that you care.” Craig ended up kissing his face, pressing small smacks to his eyebrows, his nose, and cheeks.
Tweek giggled at the touch, feeling like he was falling in Love all over again.
“I’m down for getting Stripe a friend,” Craig said when he was done. “Come with me to the pet shop tomorrow and we’ll pick someone out.”
“Are you serious?” Tweek couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Absolutely.” He kissed him again before lifting the both of them up to tend to Stripe in the basement.
After some reassurances that he wouldn’t be alone for he next week, Craig invited Tweek to sleep over again, which he did. They continued kissing until Craig sneezed on him, for once making him blush as Tweek laughed at the misfortune that brought it.
After school the next day, they went to the pet shop and brought home a new friend. Craig didn’t like the cardboard box they offered the new pets in to bring home, but he really didn’t want to opt for another cage when Stripe has enough room in his pen back home.
“Here you go, little fella.” Tweek carefully took the black-furred guinea pig out of the box and set him on the hay next to the brown-and-white striped pig.
The two of them seemed enthralled with each other, sniffing each other before hey went off on their own business. The new guinea pig, Gunther, went over to the water sprout and began to drink as Stripe settled down for a nap next to a small bushel.
“Doesn’t look like they like each other,” Craig said worriedly.
“They just met, Craig. They can’t be friends right away, they need to talk first.”
Craig snorted. “Set up the perfect first date,” he joked. “How old did the guy say he was again?”
“Two years. Why?”
“Guinea pigs live on average about six years,” Craig said, his voice suddenly void of humor. “We got Stripe #5 when we were ten.”
Six years ago. Tweek bought him when he was only a few weeks old, and not long after that led to the whole debacle of temporarily breaking up over an immature franchise. All the other ones lived so prematurely because they had gotten hurt or sick.
“Hey.” Tweek rested his hand on Craig’s shoulder to get his attention. “It’s going to be okay. Stripe will still be here when we get back next week.”
“But what if he isn’t?” Not for the first time, but in a long time, Craig’s voice cracked and his eyes started to well with tears. His voice lowered to a whisper as he turned to Tweek. “What if something happens while we’re gone?”
For six years, Craig has always been a crutch for Tweek. He was Tweek’s everything, and the same could be said for Craig about Tweek. If they needed a shoulder to cry on, Craig would be there more often than not. But not this time. Tweek refused to let his shoulder receive such a treatment this time around.
Gathering his strength, Tweek grasped Craig by his arms so tight that it seemed to garner his attention, just like he wanted. “You listen to me, Craig Tucker,” Tweek said in an even voice. “Stripe is fine. And if something does happen while we’re gone, he’s still going to fine. He received six years of love and care, and that’s all a guinea pig could ask for their whole life. You have him that. You have me that. I know you name each guinea pig Stripe no to replace them, but to honor them. They’re that important to you. If something happens, you’re going to be just fine. You always are. You, Craig Tucker, are the most amazing, selfless, kind, beautiful, and caring boy I’ve ever met, even if you give zero fucks about everything but the two of us.”
Tweek waited for a response and involuntarily laughed at what he said next.
“Marry me,” Craig said.
Tweek cackled once in surprise. “Ask me in five years, I might say yes.”
“You bet your ass I’ll ask again in five years,” Craig said. “I’m serious, Tweek. I’m gonna marry you someday.”
He only shook his head in disbelief as his face reddened. “Maybe,” he played along.
The week came and went. Craig obviously worried about Stripe and Gunther, with the occasional check up from the others, everything was just fine. When they came back, Craig was more than happy to waddle up in the pen with the two piggies if Tweek hadn’t insisted they turn in early for the night in a comfy bed.
Tweek’s parents were lenient on letting him have work off during spring break, which he spent at Craig’s house with the rest of the family gone. They spent the days lazing about, watching movies or hanging out with the other guys outside the house. At night they would fall asleep criticizing the science of space movies; or at least, Craig would criticize them as Tweek looked on at his week of knowledge.
And yes, they sometimes had sex. It got much more fierce and lasted longer as they built up a stamina and discovered their likes and dislikes.
On the last day, before Craig’s family would return home, Tweek woke up with Craig already up. Their life was so routine by this point that they even had sets of clothes at each other’s houses for spending the night. He showered and ruffled his hair in that way that made him look like he had a lion’s mane. Craig always liked to pat it with his hands to see it floof every morning he can before it settled unkemptly on his head.
As he walked down the stairs, the smell of coffee in the air, he heard Craig speaking softly. Was someone else at the house?
“Dude, please, you have no idea how much this means to me,” Craig was saying. Tweek heard no response, concluding hat maybe his boyfriend was on the phone.
Tweek peeked around the corner of the stairs, Craig leaning on the archway leading to the kitchen with the phone pressed to his ear. His back was facing Tweek.
“I can’t say,” Craig said. “I want it to be a surprise, and no offense, but I don’t necessarily trust you to gossip with Clyde and he eventually blabs his mouth to the whole school.” He waited for a response. “Dude, I am literally begging right now. Please. Yes, of course I’m serious! You’d think I wouldn’t call if I wasn’t? Token, please, I’ll do anything. I’ll even be you’re slave of you want! Think of it as avenging your ancestors against the white men. Mostly white, then. Okay. Thanks anyway, Token.” He finally hung up and kicked the wall hard enough to break through the plaster with his foot, making him cry out in annoyance.
“Craig?” Tweek said, finally letting himself be known. “What just happened?”
Craig sighed and shook his head. “I’m just trying to do something and it didn’t work.”
“And you kicked the wall?” Tweek walked down still in his bathrobe, kneeling down to inspect the damage. “That’s gonna cost a lot of money to fix.”
“Shit, you’re right. Fuck, it’s just one crisis after another.” Craig sighed and went over to the full coffee pot and poured Tweek a cup almost to the rim.
“What’s got your boxers in a twist?”
“Your hands, for one,” Craig said, handing him the coffee. He snorted as Tweek weakly pushed him, but nonetheless took the beverage. “It’s just... I was hoping to surprise you with something and I was asking Token if I could borrow some money for it. Guess it was too much or whatever.”
Tweek smiled and took a sip of the black coffee. “You don’t have to buy me anything, sweetie. I love you, being with you is enough.” Tweek seldom used pet names for Craig, mostly because they discovered just how easily turned on he was just by the sound of it. Once again, Craig’s face hardened, as did his dick.
“If you weren’t my boyfriend, I feel like I’d cop a feel,” Craig said. He kissed him on the cheek and left the kitchen. “There’s still some cereal left if you want any, babe. I’m gonna check on the piggies.”
As Craig left, Tweek got to bowls, one for the both of them. He wondered what could have possibly enticed Craig to ask Token for so much money, and it had to be a lot if he was even asking Token at all. And the way he sounded over the phone, so desperate and wanting. Outside of bed, Tweek had never heard him like that before. It was unnerving. What could Craig have wanted so badly?
“Tweek!” Craig shouted from the basement, his voice coming up the stairs. “Tweek, come quick! Hurry!”
Dashing around the kitchen table, Tweek ignored the spill of the coffee and hurried down the stairs, where Craig was holding Stripe in his hands. “I-Is he–?”
“He’s still breathing. But look, he looks like an eggplant!”
It was true. Stripe’s body looked malformed, and thinking back, his size seemed to have meticulously changed ever since they came back. With school starting back again tomorrow and the rest of the Tucker’s on their way back from DC, they wasted no time heading to the vet.
They set up the cage in the car, Tweek sitting in the back with Gunther and Stripe as Craig took the wheel. He only still had his learner’s permit, but given the incompetency of the police force in South Park, Craig was able to make it to the veterinary’s office without a hassle.
“How is he?” Craig asked as he parked the car.
“Um... Sluggish,” Tweek said, unsure what he even meant. “I mean, he’s moving, but really slowly compared to Gunther.”
“C’mon, let’s take them inside.”
There was no one else inside the building, except for a lady behind the counter. When they explained they needed to see Dr. Joyce and expressed their worry about Stripe’s size difference, the woman wasted no time to let the doctor know. She told them to take a seat and that the doctor would be with them momentarily.
It didn’t take long. Dr. Joyce, a woman of about forty years, called them into her office and directed to set the cage on a table.
“What seems to be the problem to day?” Dr. Joyce asked, making sure her long hair was tied behind her. She pulled on a pair of latex gloves over her hands.
“Dr. Joyce, I don’t think Stripe is feeling too good,” Craig said. “He’s almost six years old now, and I know that’s the average lifespan for a guinea pig. Is he gonna die soon?”
“Losing a pet, or anyone in particular, can be difficult to process, but I assure you that I’ll get to the root of the problem if it isn’t age,” Dr. Joyce reassured him. “Now, let’s see the little fella.”
Tweek opened the cage and let Dr. Joyce reach inside herself. However, instead of taking Stripe, she took Gunther out.
“He seems a little small to be six years. And nothing about his muscles or fur seem to determine any sores or pains.”
“Dr. Joyce, that’s Gunther,” Craig said. “He’s only two years old, we got him last week for Stripe to have a friend while we were on vacation. It’s Stripe that looks unwell.” He carefully took the bloated guinea pig or and held him up for the vet to see. “See? He looks like an eggplant. Is that normal?”
Dr. Joyce frowned, looking between the two of them and Tweek before realization dawned on her face. “Oh, I see. I understand now.”
“Understand what?” Tweek took Gunther back and set him in the cage again.
“Boys, do you know when a guinea pig becomes sexually active?” Dr. Joyce took a stethoscope off the wall and placed the buds into her ears.
Tweek frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“This one is Stripe, yes? Can you turn it to its back so I can hear its stomach?” Craig did as told, holding Stripe gently in his hands as he tried to squirm his way out of the position.
Dr. Joyce set the pad to Stripe’s stomach, nodding at whatever it was she heard. “They’re able to reproduce just after a few weeks of being born, with an average of one to six pups to give birth too. Tell me, what do you hear?”
Tweek watched as Craig frowned as well, placing the buds in his ears. “His heart’s beating really fast.” He passed the buds to Tweek without thought.
Listening, the small animal’s heartbeat did sound like there were a million thuds at once.
“That’s not just one heartbeat. There’s at least six of them.”
Tweek looked up suddenly. “Wait a minute. Are you saying that... that Stripe’s.... a girl?”
“Stripe’s... pregnant?” Craig was just as astounded, if not even more baffled at this new revelation.
Dr. Joyce nodded. “And it doesn’t take a detective to find out who the father is.” Three pairs of eyes wandered to the cage, where Gunther lay in the hay taking a peaceful nap.
“Honey, can you hold Stripe for a minute.” Craig more or less shoved Stripe in his hands before falling unconscious in the middle of the room.
Stripe was pregnant with five guinea pigs. Dr. Joyce was amazed that despite her old age, she was still kicking long enough to give birth to her children.
“But I’m afraid that after the pups’ births, it make take its toll on Stripe. I’ll be heading over every once in a while to check up on her. Make sure she gets fed more regularly than before. If she starts experience any pain between now and the next few weeks, call me immediately, even if it’s the middle of the night.”
The basement was more or less an entire playpen for Stripe and Gunther. Craig has personally expanded to one certain lot that could easily be in view of the doorways and get plenty of light throughout the night. He set up a second water tank and a larger kibble bowl, making sure that Stripe got the treatment she needed.
“I can’t believe my guinea pig is a slut,” Craig said as he watched Stripe circle the wheel slowly on account of having such a larger body.
“Don’t say it like that,” Tweek admonished. “You’re insulting Mrs. Cartman and all the other sluts out there. I mean, how would you feel if you were devoid of sex all your life?”
“I have been devoid of sex all my life. Doesn’t mean I threw myself at the first person I meet.”
“But you threw yourself at me. Stripe’s only met one other guinea pig in her life, one that obviously cares about her.”
“That son of a bitch is into cougars. I should’ve known something was fishy when we got him.”
But despite Craig’s attitude, it was obvious that he still cared very much about Stripe’s wellbeing.
When the big day arrived, about a month and a half later, five baby guinea pigs of verging colors of black, white, and brown huddled together around the food bowl, Gunther eating alongside them.
Craig cried silently as he carefully preserved Stripe’s body in a clean dish towel and set her in an old show box. “They’ll never know their mom,” he said in a strained voice.
“You’ll tell them the stories like any good grandpa should,” Tweek said, draping himself behind Craig to hug him. He pressed a kiss to his temple and sighed. “You’re going to be fine.”
“You should tell the stories with me.” Craig took the lead up the stairs, holding Stripe’s coffin with one hand and Tweek’s in the other. “You can be their other grandpa.”
“We made the decision to get Gunther together, not just by myself.”
“Yeah I know.” They made it outside and Craig set the box on the snow and grabbed the shovel. “I meant it, you know.”
“Meant what?”
“I’m going to marry you some day.” Craig continues to dig, noticing how red Tweek had become, and not from the cold. “I love you so much, Tweek. Like, you have no idea.”
Tweek shuffles his feet in the snow. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he managed to squeak out.
After burying Stripe and covering her grave with dirt and snow, they returned to the basement to properly name and treat the little guinea pigs. They looks like stuck up balls of yarn, similar to the red poof-ball on Stan’s hat, or the yellow one on Craig’s. They properly named each and every one of them before coming down to the last one, the youngest and smallest of the litter.
“Dr. Joyce said that that one is a boy,” Tweek said, writing down a few key details about its fur so that they wouldn’t mix up the critters. “You choose what do you want to name him?”
The small thing came up to the open door, but didn’t step outside, Craig carefully rubbed the tip of his finger on its head, inciting an adorable squeak coming from it.
“Stripe #6,” Craig finally said.
Smiling, Tweek wrote down the name and closed the notebook. “Hey.” He moves to sit in front of Craig, who wasted no time in pulling him as close to his body as possible. “Everything’s going to be just fine.”
And for the first time since getting back from Colorado Springs, Craig believed that it was.