Chapter Text
I'll Be Home For Christmas
Saturday 22nd December 2018.
10:29 p.m.
The sound of disgruntled travelers was almost welcoming.
It was certainly an improvement from all the festive cheer. Clarke didn't know if she could endure another overly exuberant happy holidays without uttering something rather withering in return.
Instead she chose to ignore everything around her, while she waited for her upright duffel at the airports congested baggage claim. She'd have been more than happy making the three hours+ bus journey from Brooklyn, but her mother had insisted she take the short flight.
She hadn't seen her parents for almost a year. Although most of the students in the dorms would probably say the same. Such was the way with college life. The blonde had even considered forgoing the annual Griffin family get-together this year. She wasn't in the mood for Christmas traditions and would rather be curled up on her twin bed along with her own misery watching The Grinch.
This time of year was especially hard, and all the Christmas spirit seemed meaningless.
How could anything bring her joy when her fiancée was deployed God knows where.
This was Lexa's fourth year in the US Marines Corps. The steadfast brunette had rose through the ranks and had recently been made a E-4: Corporal. Clarke couldn't have been prouder of her girl. The only downside to such dedication was for the past two years Lexa had been stationed at various locations and couldn't make it home in time for Christmas.
Lexa had promised her that this year would be different, but for unforeseen reasons it looked like she wouldn't be able to keep her word.
Clarke could still visualize the large silver bus at the command post, and all the surrounding families saying a heartfelt goodbye to their love ones as the brave deploying Marines were all boarding. Once the vehicle was out of sight, Clarke had collapsed into her dad's strong arms and prayed that she would see Lexa again.
There was only one thing that Clarke wanted for Christmas and that was for Lexa to come home.
For as long as Clarke could remember every special moment in their lives were spent together. With Christmas time being no exception. Lexa, along with the rest of the Woods clan would always spend the holidays with the Griffins. It was tradition. One Jake had practically made mandatory. He spared no expense on his elaborate Christmas feast and Clarke really didn't want to disappoint her father, but the budding artist wasn't sure she would be able to handle another Christmas Day without Lexa there beside her. Especially if Lexa's absentee mother decided to make an appearance again this year.
In the end it had been Lexa's loving words over a Skype chat that persuade her to head home.
Nobody should be alone on Christmas, Clarke.
Not wanting to dwell any longer the blonde pressed on. She'd barely made it through arrivals before she heard the cheerful voice of her father.
"Clarke!" Jake waved enthusiastically with Rudolph antlers proudly worn on top of his head. "Over here."
Doing her best to muster a bright smile, she soon found herself being engulfed by the arms of her parents. Their loving smiles and warmth for her return did nothing to ease her heartache. It wasn't that she was unhappy to see them, on the contrary. They just weren't Lexa and being back home for the holidays only stirred up memories: both bad and good.
"How was your flight, honey?" Abby asked disentangling herself from the group hug to take her daughter's bag.
"Fine thanks." Clarke continued to embrace her dad, snuggling into the soft cotton of his coat. His familiar scent bringing her momentary comfort. When she eventually pulled away he seemed just as reluctant to let go as she did.
"I thought we could go grab a coffee for the ride home," Abby smiled already leading the way. "Then we can really catch up. I want to hear all about that big art project you're working on."
"Oo coffee, great idea," Jake nodded with a grin, hot on his wife's heels. "I can't get enough of those toffee nut cream frappuccino things."
"Indeed," Abby huffed with a fond smile. "That's all he's been drinking. I don't even want to think about your cholesterol Jake."
"It's Christmas my dear," Jake shrugged playfully, wrapping his arms around his wife and daughter. "The official sugar holiday. So what can you say?"
-
Clarke was relieved to finally leave the bustle of the airport behind her, it had been far too noisy to discuss her up-and-coming project on conceptualism. If anything it had made her sour mood progressively worse and not even Jake doing his famous Dean Martin impression of A Marshmallow World brought a smile to her face. Being back in DC had memories flooding her all at once. Times when she and Lexa were carefree, sitting in these very seats of Jake's old but reliable SUV, singing along to the radio or eating ice cream as Jake happily chauffeured them back and forth. The hand not nursing her takeaway coffee reached out to the empty seat next to her. How she wished Lexa was here now.
"Do you think we need a new table display this year?" Abby turned her head from the passenger seat trying to make conversation with a silent Clarke.
"Hmm?" She responded turning her attention back to her untouched gingerbread latte. It would take more than a red cup to make her feel joyous.
"I said, do you think we should buy a new table display this year?"
"What? No!" Clarke knew her tone was to harsh for the simple question, but she had her reasons. "Lexa always makes a passing comment about how much she likes the gold and green arrangement and I want everything to be just as she remembers it."
She was more than familiar with the look Abby gave her in return, whenever Lexa was mentioned.
Clarke could still feel the hollowness inside over Lexa's empty place setting at last years Thanksgiving. It took every ounce of strength she had, but she'd somehow managed to get through it. Clarke wasn't sure if she could cope with another family gathering without her girl.
"Have you spoken to her today?"
"Briefly."
With Clarke not elaborating further, Abby changed the sensitive subject.
"Raven arrived in town yesterday."
"Yeah, she texted me." Clarke shrugged.
"Did she tell you half of her bag was filled with dirty clothes?"
Jake began to laugh then, his voice full of playful sarcasm. "Welcome to hotel Griffin. With our number one laundry service."
"You know, I was thinking tomorrow we could make a start and finally put up some of the Christmas decorations?"
That made Clarke finally look at her mother again.
"You haven't put up any of the decorations, why?"
Jake chuckled again, meeting his daughter's eyes in the rear-view mirror. "It is beginning to look a lot like Scrooge's house, but your mother insisted that we wait for you girls-- Urm I meant for you and Raven to get here and help us. It's more fun that way. Besides, you know how I love to coo over every old Christmas card you've ever made me."
"Right." Clarke replied, steeling herself with a deep reassuring breath. Going over the past was something she wanted to avoid.
"Or we could go to the mall first?" Abby suggested. "Maybe do some last minute shopping together? Raven has bound to have forgotten something."
The thought of being jostled by shoppers bustling too and throw, carrying their hoards, sounded like hell to Clarke. The memory of last years mall trip was still somewhat fresh in the back of her mind. She'd only just barely managed to keep from crying right there in the department store, when Elvis' Blue Christmas sounded over the lousy speakers.
There was no way she was putting herself through that again.
"Nah, I think i'll pass on the impromptu shopping trip," Clarke sighed, drumming her fingers against the red cup. "Thanks all the same. Is Rae still at the house?"
"No Kiddo," Jake shook his head, his voice becoming genteel. "She's catching up with Anya tonight."
"Anya's home?"
"Yes. She's home on leave sweetheart."
Her blood felt like molten lava running through her veins upon hearing that Anya was home for the season. Clarke tried to remind her envious heart that Lexa's situation was completely different. The rational side of her brain knew that the fellow staunch Marine was no longer on active duty and Anya's role was more in administration these days. That didn't stop Clarke from wishing that Lexa could come home too. It didn't seem fair.
"But that doesn't mean we can't order late night takeout?" Jake continued. "And watch one of those bad TV Christmas movies."
"I'm kinda tired dad. I think I might just hit the hay."
Clarke didn't miss the sympathetic glance exchanged between her parents. She wasn't trying to be rude, but her heart ached for the absence of Lexa.
No sooner had she stepped foot inside her childhood home she retired to bed.
Sunday 23rd December 2018.
12:57 p.m.
Clarke had only just dragged herself out of bed and was quite content staring at the movie playing upon the TV screen. The Nightmare Before Christmas seemed the perfect choice for her melancholy mood, while she crunched down her cereal. She offered no help and paid no mind to her mother and Raven going back and forth bringing in the boxes full of Christmas decorations from the Griffin basement.
Abby had a Christmas playlist merrily blaring away over the sound of the TV, that varied from Glenn Miller all the way to Mariah Carey.
The blonde could practically feel her eye twitching from all the unnecessary cheer.
"Hey!" Raven stood in front of the flatscreen, unceremoniously dumping down the medium size box she was holding. "Are you gonna help or just sit on your ass all day?"
Clarke only shrugged, finishing the last bite of her Lucky Charms. Before she placed the empty bowl on the coffee table. "It looks like you've both got it covered."
"No. We don't," the brunette sighed turning off the movie to Clarke's protested cry. "I know you don't feel very Christmassy right now, but can you not be all bah humbug for like two minutes and actually help. Mama G is trying to reach out to you here and all you've done is shut her down. I. . I miss Lexa too, but she wouldn't want you to sit here wallowing and you know it." Raven paused wanting to let her words sink in.
When Clarke gave no reply, Raven had no choice but to leave her to it.
Left alone with her own thoughts, Clarke almost didn't hear her mother calling her.
"Earth to Clarke."
"Sorry, what?"
"Could you start hanging the stockings over the fire place please," Abby asked again, her voice somewhat muffled - while half of her body was digging deep inside a large box.
"Fine," Clarke huffed throwing aside her blanket more dramatically than necessary, not really wanting to partake. She just wasn't in the mood for this. "Why isn't dad helping again?"
"I already told you that a last minute contract needed his attention."
Quietly Clarke got to the task at hand and soon nearly every red coloured stocking was neatly hung over the fireplace. Each one held a name emblazoned in gold letters and she stopped in her tracks when she reached a familiar four lettered name. Softly she ran her thumb over the L before she placed it lovingly next to her own.
"Love you, baby." She whispered.
Monday 24th December 2018.
Christmas Eve.
3:00 p.m.
Every corner of the front parlour had been transformed into a glittering fairyland. Although the many twinkling lights seem to offer no distraction to Clarke. She was aware her mood was bleak and appreciated the fact that her parents - for the most part - left her to it. Currently the kitchen was a hive of activity in preparation for tomorrow. Jake had been baking for what felt like hours, and the pleasant aroma of baked sugar seem to linger in the air. It was only the rumble in her stomach for something sweet that prompted her to leave her blanket cocoon on the couch.
She wasn't the least bit surprised when she was greeted by the sight of snowman cookies, shortbread, vanilla walnut fudge, brownies and Lexa's Christmas favourite: gingerbread men. The smiling cookie-man was the one she stole from the cooling rack.
"Mmmm, Lexa would love these," she spoke around her first bite. "She would always joke that the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg was like a warm winter hug."
Clarke smiled at the thought of her and realized that this was the first time she had mentioned Lexa since she'd been here.
Jake paused at her words, placing down the icing bag he'd been using, aware of that fact too. A warm smile followed. "I can still remember when you girls were both seven years old, sneaking out of bed to steal the cookies that were meant to be for Santa."
Clarke found herself laughing at the memory of her younger self cajoling a little Lexa into eating the forbidden cookies with her.
"I had the shock of my life when I first discovered the cookies had already been eaten, but the untouched carrots for Rudolph gave you both away my little angel."
"Damn," Clarke said with a wry smile. "And here I thought we were being so slick. Lex always said we should eat the carrots too."
"I still blame Anya for bursting your Santa Claus bubble. I know you two wouldn't have eaten the cookies otherwise," Jake laughed along with his daughter, happy to see her smiling again. "I can't believe she told you that it was all a crock and that jolly old St. Nick didn't actually exist."
"You were more upset than we were."
Jake agreed, with another loud chuckle. "That I was. It meant that you were both growing up and it also meant that my poor Santa suit got given early retirement."
"The beard always smelled like mothballs, dad."
Once the laughter had died down, Jake squeezed her shoulder softly. "I know it's a stupid question, but I have to ask. How are you holding up?"
"I miss her, daddy. I miss her."
Wrapped up in her father's warm embrace, Clarke finally let the tears flow. She was finally able to let go of some of the overwhelming emotions she'd been holding inside.
11:47 p.m.
"Hell yeah!" Raven cheered when she'd successfully swiped another cookie from the sleeping Greedy Granny.
"Why aren't we playing Monopoly again?" Anya sighed, taking another sip of her hot cocoa.
Jake scoffed at the very idea. "No. I refuse to play cheaters edition in this house," he was a stickler for the rules after all - well, at least where games are concerned. "Call me old-fashioned, but it feels detrimental somehow."
"Whatever Ahn, you're just bitter, 'cause I rule at this game," Raven boasted her achievements to a frowning Anya. "Everytime you get close, Granny spits her dentures at you."
Anya only rolled her eyes at Raven's antics. "A four-year-old could play this stupid game."
"Yeah and they'd still beat you, Woods!" Raven pointed with a victorious smirk.
It was another family tradition that board games be played on Christmas Eve. Scrabble was banned a few years back in thanks to Raven always trying to spell out rude words. That's how Clarke found herself seated or rather slouched around the dining table snuggled up in Lexa's old high school track hoodie. She had declined the offer at first, but Abby had been insistent that she play.
Which Clarke found to be a little hypocritical since Abby had been slipping her coat on at the time. The doctor had been unusually preoccupied with her phone all day. The blonde just hoped it wasn't some emergency at the hospital. It would certainly explain Abby's rather vague answers when Clarke asked her where she was going over an hour ago.
"Shut it, Reyes!"
The sound of the garage door opening almost couldn't be heard over Raven's loud rambunctious laughter at Greedy Granny's false teeth flying out once again at Anya. Not that Clarke noticed, an unexplained feeling washed over her body. Her skin began to tingle causing the fine hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. Pushing her chair away from the table sharply, Clarke scrambled to her feet causing all occupants at the table to look at her curiously.
"Clarke, what's--" Jake uttered, until his words faded.
The room fell silent. No sound was uttered while every head turned to the figure in the doorway.
"Merry Christmas, Clarke."
"Lexa!?"