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The wind whipped at Kara's face, had she not been impervious to the pain it would have left stinging impressions against her trailing tears. Her lips still on fire from where Lena's own had just been. Her brain forced her to relive the moment over and over again, Lena's hand on her cheek her lips against Kara's own, it had only lasted a beat, but followed her for millennia. The lies had started to eat away at Kara's conscience keeping her awake many a sleepless nights for weeks now. She couldn't do this, Lena deserved to know, even if it brought an end to something that had yet to begin. The thought drew forth a new wave of burning tears to Kara's eyes, she couldn't help it, the prospect of losing Lena clawed at her insides more painfully than kryptonite. Losing Lena would hurt like losing Krypton a second time, the pain burning through her with the force of ten thousand dying suns.
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It had all started innocently enough, Kara had eaten an absurd amount of breakfast, gotten coffee, and worked a long day at CatCo. The debacle that would tip Kara's world on its axis didn't kick off until her late-night patrol as Supergirl. She had been flying leisurely about the city listening in for any signs of emergency when a familiar steady rhythm crept to the forefront of her consciousness. Lena. She could pick her heartbeat out from eons away, forever clear and definite and before she knew it, Kara had settled softly on Lena's balcony. She stood silently, captivated with the sight in front of her. Lena sat, quietly humming along to soft piano notes, while signing papers in her elegant script, dark locks let down after a prolonged day of meetings. Absorbed in the way the low lamplight accented her distinct features, sharpening her already prominent cheekbones. The feeling swelled inside of her, heart straining under the intensity of emotions that just the sight of Lena could evoke in her, and then the guilt came crashing down, like a tidal wave, extinguishing the flame of longing leaving behind a pile of ashes and a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Turning and leaving was the best option, it hurts less when there is no goodbye. Flying away meant Kara didn't have to look Lena in the eyes and listen to her melodic voice while spoon-feeding her more lies, stoking the raging storm of her ever-growing guilt. But fate, the ever cruel mistress, set its plan into motion. The gust came strong, blowing Kara's cape snapping the fabric loudly, drawing Lena's attention. A second wave crashed down when Lena turned, alarm fading to the gentle smile reserved solely for Kara and her alternate persona. Standing elegantly from her chair Lena slid the glass door aside, welcoming Supergirl inside, letting her eyes track each tentative step that screamed for Kara to stop, turn back, run before it was too late, but she was already in Lena's office. Kara stood stiffly just inside the door, arms wrapped around herself, as Lena closed the door and moved to lean against her desk, a knee-weakening smirk gracing her lips.
It was silent for several tense seconds before Lena spoke, "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of National Cities finest?"
Kara remained quiet for a moment longer, savoring the sound of Lena's sultry voice, the way it reduced her to a puddle, letting it wash over her while she came up with an excuse other than 'I'm madly in love with you.'
"Just checking in," Kara directed her excuse towards the far wall behind Lena, "it's late," she stated, finally looking Lena in the eyes.
She could see her brilliant mind working hard behind them, gears turning analyzing Kara's every action.
"No rest for the wicked I suppose," Lena offered weakly, concern creeping onto her face.
Kara nearly leaped to Lena's defense, a half-second away from reminding her of all the good she'd done before she remembered that it was just a saying and not a self-deprecating jab, so she nodded. She glared at the floor, grinding her boot toe into the tile, so focused on cursing herself that she hadn't noticed Lena pace forward until she was in her personal space.
"You know, that's one of the things I love about you," her voice was low, her eyes startling in the dim light, "You always seem to know just when I need you the most," her eyes darting down to Kara's lips then back up to her blue eyes.
Kara did nothing as Lena leaned in, lacked the willpower to step away until Lena's lips landed on her own, flipping a switch, activating one jarring guilt-filled realization. She stumbled back hitting the glass door of the balcony, tongue darting out finding the taste of bourbon on her lips.
Tears stung her eyes as she fumbled with the door, tripping over the threshold on her way out, "I'm sorry, I can't, I'm... I'm sorry," the breeze blew cooling the hot tears on her face, "I just can't,"
Lena stood dumbstruck, heartbroken, watching Supergirl launch herself into the sky nothing more than a choked sob and a broken Lena Luther in her wake.
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It had been three days. Three long days of crying, debating, then ultimately more crying. The waves of guilt overpowering her Kryptonian strength and dragging her out to sea, pulling her under, smothering her. Remaining under the dark swirling current, until Alex finally arrived to pull her ashore and offer her a bag of Chinese takeout. She found Kara curled on the couch, face red, stained with tears, a pitiable sight, seeing her unbreakable sister reduced to such a miserable state.
"So, I heard something happened between you and Lena," Alex prompted, "do you wanna talk about it," she could see it welling up behind Kara's eyes. She knew the guilt on Kara's face, knew that it had sunk it ghastly teeth in and shook her like prey.
She was seconds away from spilling her guts, never being able to hide things in the first place. It was a miracle her identity remained undisclosed to the public. All she had to do was wrap an arm around Kara's shoulders, and her walls were reduced to rubble. It was ugly, it was messy, it was full of anger and lament, unrestrained sorrow wracking her body as it all finally broke her down. It was moments like these that Alex had a hard time remembering Kara was nearly indestructible, watching her sister be dragged down into dark, sorrowful oblivion.
Once she had cried all the tears she could, she wiped her cheeks and spoke, "She must hate me now," her voice cracked and broke.
"Lena loves you, Kara,"
"Alex, I messed up spectacularly this time," Kara interrupted, an immature part of her couldn't help but think that Alex wouldn't understand, but she pushed on recounting the events of that fateful night. By the end of it, her eyes were brimming with tears she hadn't realized were left.
"I'm sure it will be oka-" Alex began only to be cut off by Kara throwing herself off the couch, taking to her feet, pacing and wailing.
"No, Alex, you don't get it!" the 15-year-old part of her seized the reigns, "I love her with every fiber of my being, and now I've gone and destroyed what we had! After this, I'll be lucky if she even looks at Supergirl again, and I cannot keep lying to her about who I am! I can't lose her, Alex, I just got her damn it," she was bawling again, breaking down in the face of her deepest fears, "What am I supposed to do?" she demanded weakly, desperate for a solution, a way to salvage whatever may be left.
Alex looked at her baby sister and knew what she had to do, distantly J'onn's voice told her it was a bad idea, but she ignored it. Alex had seen the looks they gave each other, watched them dance around blossoming feelings for nearly a year, she was tired of them walking on eggshells.
"Tell her Kara," Alex stated solemnly.
Kara looked to Alex, her eyes silently pleading for her to say it once more. Desperately needing her to confirm that she had been heard correctly.
"If you love Lena as much as you say then who am I to keep you from that. Go tell her," Alex gave a defeated sigh, she had been one to fight against letting Lena know, arguing that it was too dangerous considering Lena's familial ties, but it was Kara's secret to tell, and far from Alex's place to police it. Especially after falling witness to the emotional Hell it put Kara through.
"Do you think this'll work?" the question was full of worry, holding so much more weight than the face value. Kara was staking everything in hopes that this would work, her identity, her safety, her future, and the one person she was willing to give it all up for.
"I think there's only one way to find out,"
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The door stood in front of her, daunting and cold, what used to bring a familiar warmth, now brought a twisting dread. Taking in a deep breath, Kara let her lungs fill fully before releasing it, inadvertently causing frost to build upon the door handle. She couldn't wait any longer, knowing it would allow doubt to rear its ugly head and push her farther away. Shoving the doors open and marching in she knew there was no turning back. Stopping to pace in front of Lena's desk one might fret that her feet would wear a hole. Lena's eyes were wide, had they been made of the brilliant emeralds they resembled they would have been worth a small fortune.
Kara started in, not giving Lena the chance to question her, "Listen, I need to tell you something very important, and you may not like it, but it has to be done," Kara stopped pacing, looking Lena in the eyes, taking in the sight for what might be the last time.
Letting out one final sigh, falling into an acceptance that Lena may hate her after this. The thought left Kara at a loss for words opting simply to slide her glasses off and letting her hair down. She would have to had been blind not to see the underlying resentment in Lena's eyes. Her lack of response filling her with overwhelming panic wrapped her in its iron grip, the urge to flee taking hold. No, she couldn't run away again, not now, before she had the chance to attempt to fix this. So, she forced herself to stay, to hear to what Lena had to say.
"Well, it's about time you told me," the hostile undercut of the words hurt infinitely more than she could have ever imagined. Ever prepared for.
She had known, she had always known, that much was obvious, and Kara realized that she wasn't the only one her ongoing lies had been hurting. Of course, Lena had figured it out, she was a certified genius, how could she not have. The burning shame in her throat had her longing for the empty void of the phantom zone where Lena's hard eyes and set jaw would not find her.
"Finally decide you could trust the Luther?" her tone bitter and steelier than before, cutting through to the bone.
Kara began pacing again, unable to contain the nervous energy within her, "No, it's not that, your last name has nothing to do with why I didn't tell you. At first, it was to protect you, you're already in so much danger, knowing I was Supergirl would merely increase that. After that, I was scared I'd waited too long, that you'd be angry I hadn't told you, but I felt so bad about it I couldn't sleep. And then you kissed me, and I just couldn't do it anymore, I love you too much to keep hiding it from you. I panicked, I didn't know what to do so I ran, and Rao do I regret that, so much more than anything." It all tumbled out of Kara's mouth before she could stop it, a verbal throw up of sorts, spilling it all into the tense air between them.
Lena dropped her eyes to her desk, sighing, thinking, before nodding and standing.
"So, I'm not the only one feeling this profound thing between us," she rounded her desk, voice now lacking its prior edge, "this force pushing us together, this undeniable, unwavering attraction," it wasn't a question, making it very clear she knew that Kara had felt it too. She knew a lot about Kara without it having to be said.
Kara was no longer alone in her own space, being made to cease her pacing as Lena planted herself directly in her line of movement.
Suddenly, it was three days earlier, Lena stood in front of Kara, Kara unsure of what to do. Only now had the storm in her quelled, permitting the flame of hope to reignite in her chest. The same hand came to rest on her cheek, the same low voice washed over her asking permission, and she kissed Lena properly. The flame swelled and warmed her, spreading to the tips of her fingers and toes, easing away the tides of guilt. Her eyes fell shut her hands finding Lena's hips as Lena's threaded into her hair.
Lena was the first to pull away, her human lungs demanding air far sooner than Kara's, resting her forehead against that of said Kryptonian. She found for once in her entire life she felt wholly and utterly content.