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Curtis knows the battle is already half-lost when he joins. Deep down, Curtis knows his chances are slim, and the road he plans to take is very rocky, narrow and curved. It´s there in his smile, the laughter that comes easy and constant whenever he talks to Keith, the comfortable way he moves around him. Around Keith, Shiro can be real, safe.
Curtis can see feelings like those on Keith more than Shiro, not with words because Keith isn’t the talkative type, but through his eyes. The most expressive eyes Curtis has ever seen on anyone. Big. Round. Colored a deep purple that shines whenever they settle on Shiro for even a second. Curtis notices both because he looks for those signs, but mostly because Keith makes no effort to hide them. His feelings are out there in the open through those eyes. Those eyes adore Shiro´s every move, glint with amusement at whatever lame joke Shiro cracks, darken with sadness when Shiro works too late and fails to take care of his own self. They also darken with anger whenever someone tries to do Shiro any harm. At the same time, all those feelings take a backseat to the sheer softness Keith´s eyes have when Shiro is around. Too soft, too open, too loyal, too loving.
Keith´s eyes alone are what keep Curtis from even trying, at least at first. Keith´s utter devotion and love and passion are evident, and if he were honest, if one stares at Shiro long enough, he can see those same feelings on Shiro. Not as open, not as evident, not as pulsing –simply because Shiro is more reserved with his expressions– but very much there. At first, Curtis doesn´t even think it´s worth trying.
However, the more he sees them interact, the more he realizes he actually should. For all the love and looks they give each other, for how many laughs and smiles they share, and as sad as he does admit it is, there is nothing but friendship and family there.
One time, the one single time he asks Keith about it, the conversation is sharp, cold and ends with an unsaid warning. “He´s done so much for me. He means too much to me. Until I found my mom, he was all I had.”
“So you do love him?”
“How could I not? He´s family, he´s home.”
Curtis gets the feeling ‘family’ and ‘home’ mean totally different things and types of love. It confuses him, and he wants to make this clear.
“Excuse my insolence,” he says. “Just one more question. If that is the case, does that mean that you and Captain Shirogane are dating?”
If looks could kill, Curtis would have been pierced by giant spikes of ice right there and then. Keith´s silence is as icy as his glare, and Curtis almost backs out. Almost.
“No,” comes the eventual answer through gritted teeth. “We´re not. And before you ask and keep on trying to be discreet, he´s not dating anyone. No one is good enough, much less worth his time. Absolutely. No one.”
The message is mostly clear and dangerous. They´re not dating, and Keith would have the head of anyone who even tries and isn´t good enough for Shiro. Whether because of protection or something else, Curtis still isn´t fully sure.
He concludes it is because of familial protection and wariness when he asks Shiro about his relationship with Keith.
The mere name brings a smile to Shiro´s lips, but he keeps his attention on punching the bag in front of him inside the gym of the Atlas. “Keith?” he echoes, face softening as much as the situation will allow.
Curtis pretends he´s also focused on his own punching bag. “Yes. I hope I´m not being too intrusive, but you two seem very close, a really tight unit. I find it… interesting.”
Shiro snorts. He delivers a particularly hard punch followed by a kick before answering. “You have no idea everything he´s done for me, how important he is. He´s all I have outside of the Garrison, dare I say.”
Curtis nods, notices how similar his words are to the ones from Keith the other day. He clears his throat. “Like… like family?” he prompts.
Shiro pauses. He draws his fists against his chest, tips his head back. He ponders the question for a little while. “Like family,” he agrees, and while his tone is steady, his expression is that of someone lightly upset.
That´s all the answer Curtis needs.
It´s not easy, not one tiny bit, but eventually, Curtis tries, and for the most part, it looks like he succeeds.
It takes more courage than he thinks to ask Shiro out one night. He waits until the former Black Paladin and the rest of the crew leave the command room before getting up from his seat and approaching the bridge. Shiro blinks when he notices him standing there and offers a questioning smile. “Yes, Curtis?”
It is now or never. “Captain Shirogane… Shiro. I would like to ask you to go out with me. On a date.”
Shiro waits two days before giving him an answer. He does it at the start of the day the ship returns to Earth. He tells Curtis that he would like to go on a date with him. He seems tense and slightly awkward when he gives Curtis his answer, but he takes it with a smile and a promise to make Shiro have a good time.
Later that day, as soon as the debrief ends and everyone starts to pile out of the room, Curtis feels shivers down his spine. He also feels a pair of eyes boring into him. He scans the crowd and finds the source easily enough.
Today, Keith´s eyes are dark, cold and bottomless. His lips form a very tight and thin line. He does not look happy.
Then there´s a hand on Keith´s cheek, a gentle tap that makes Keith turn his head. It´s Shiro´s hand on his cheek, and It´s Shiro´s other hand on top of his shoulder. Keith raises a hand of his own and holds Shiro´s there. Shiro doesn’t fight it, merely smiles at him and answers a question Iverson asks as he walks to the door.
Keith´s eyes flick back to Curtis. A big and satisfied smile appears on his lips.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that means.
His date with Shiro comes, and then it goes faster than it should. Due to Keith calling in the middle of dinner because of some emergency and attack to the Blade of Marmora´s ship and crew member, Shiro barely calls out a goodbye and an apology and drops his card on the table before he´s out the door and asking Keith questions a mile a minute.
It´s not the last time it happens.
Two days later, Shiro stops Curtis on their way to the Atlas and apologizes properly for leaving their date in such a hurried and inappropriate manner. Shiro tells him he had fun. Then he hesitates, but he ends up asking Curtis for a second date.
As luck would have it, as soon as the movie they go to see ends, Shiro´s phone goes off with a ringtone Curtis knows all too well by now. After all, aside from Keith, everyone else gets the generic melody the phone sets as default. Once more, Shiro rises to his feet and is out the door without thinking about much else.
Curtis doesn’t get an apology or an explanation until the next day when a very troubled and stressed Shiro informs him of the diplomatic problems and the soup that was thrown at Keith´s head the night before during a meeting.
It happens a third time, then a fourth – not during dates though, just conversations he and Shiro have at the Garrison or the Atlas – and just when Curtis starts to think Keith is doing all of this on purpose and has no other way to grab Shiro´s attention besides work, Keith proves him wrong. The first time, the afternoon before their third/real first date, Shiro delays over half an hour. He and Keith took Cosmo on a walk that was too long and they lost track of time.
“I needed the exercise and not the teleportation,” Shiro explains with a laugh after they say goodbye to Keith. Shiro´s smile is still bright and big. “We took a walk near his old home. We used to take our hoverbikes there and ride till our bodies hurt or he was about to crash. It´s always nice to go back there with him. How was your day?”
Their third date manages to end without incident. Shiro talks about Keith half the time without even realizing. Curtis doesn´t let that disappoint him. Shiro walks Curtis back to his room in the Garrison after the date and tells him he had a good time and hopes they do it again. Curtis happily agrees.
Then the cycle sort of repeats itself. Except this time it´s not Keith who interrupts their conversations or their fourth/real second date. No, on more than three occasions Shiro is the one cutting a conversation off or pulling Keith into one or talking about Keith or his wolf.
Curtis doesn´t break that easy.
Then their sixth/real third date comes around, and this time Curtis is the one that gets to pick Shiro up. He dresses himself nicely and heads for Shiro´s room. He knocks and calls out Shiro´s name.
He´s not really surprised when the door swooshes open and he comes face to face with Keith, the wolf close behind him.
Curtis forces a smile. “Hi. I´m here to…”
“I know why you´re here. He got back a few minutes ago. He´s showering.”
The smile turns strained. “If he´s too tired to go out today we can—”
“I told him you could wait, but he insisted he won´t stand you up.”
This time, Curtis´s smile has a hint of smugness. “I suppose he has enjoyed our dates and likes me enough to put on a small effort and not cancel,” he says.
Keith´s eyes darken. His expression now shows nothing. He crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. When he speaks, his voice cuts through the air as sharply as the knife he carries everywhere he goes. “No one is good enough for Shiro. Still isn´t. Won´t ever be.”
“I might be if he´s willing to go out with me more than once.”
Keith scoffs. “No one,” he repeats. “He´s more than anyone on this world deserves, but he obviously doesn’t see that. He also deserves to have some peace. I don’t know how long this nonsense will go on, but if you ever so much as touch a hair on his head I will—”
Keith doesn’t get a chance to finish. There´s the sound of a door opening, then Shiro´s voice comes. “Hey Keith, can you… what are you doing there?” Shiro´s wet head pokes around a corner, and his eyes widen when he sees Curtis. “Oh. Hi. I know I´m running a bit late but I just got here. Can you give me a few minutes?”
“All the time you need,” Curtis replies, and he smiles, but his gaze stays locked on Keith´s dark and dangerous eyes.
“Thanks. Would you like to wait inside?” Shiro asks.
“No,” Keith and Curtis say at the same time. Neither of them laugh. Keith shifts his position so Curtis can´t see Shiro puttering inside while he gets dressed.
“Am I in your way?” Keith asks innocently.
More than Curtis would ever like to admit.
“I could clear the way, if I wanted to,” Curtis says.
Keith´s smile is fierce and wild and not really a smile. “Is that so?”
Turns out, the way clears itself out three weeks later after that night Shiro and Keith fight and Keith leaves with the Blade the very same night.
Curtis knows the details, but so does everyone else. Given the fight started smack dab in the middle of a meeting room, during an actual meeting, that is to be expected.
It had started innocently enough, really, only Sam and Slav informing the main crew of the Atlas, the Holts and the leader of the Blade about the war that had started only a few months ago in some planets far away from their solar system. Voltron was gone, but not the coalition, and with both planets being part of it, of course they had to get involved and put an end to it. Sam had explained the many risks and how dangerous it was for them to go. The chances to make it out alive without Voltron were… relatively small.
As expected, Shiro was the first one to say he´d go. Keith had immediately told him that no way in hell was Shiro going. His answer had been automatic, his face tinged with obvious worry, but it had come out as an order. Shiro had looked surprised and somewhat offended.
“Excuse me?” he´d asked.
A few short answers later, Keith and Shiro had excused themselves to talk in private. They had moved to the meeting room at the side. It had been useless. The minutes ticked by painfully slow. Everyone had heard their voices rising more and more until they were screaming. When the screams came, time passed even slower.
“You can´t just make these decisions for me, Keith!”
“It´s dangerous, Shiro. Chances are you are not making it out alive!”
“We don’t know that. Slav and Sam may think those statistics are a hundred percent accurate, but they´re not. I´ll be fine, and the people need the Coalition, Keith, they need us!”
“Then let other people go. Let the soldiers that have been training for this do it. Let the Galra leaders lead the troops.”
“But why, when I can do it on my own? The fact that I´m now a diplomat doesn’t mean that I wasn´t a soldier first of all.”
“I know that, Shiro!”
“Then why are you doing this?!”
“Because your life would be in danger! You would be in danger again, and I can´t be there to keep you safe. You can´t do that on—” Keith´s voice had cut off suddenly, and the silence had been heavy even in the room where everyone else was.
Then Shiro had spoken. “What, Keith? I wouldn´t be able to handle the situation on my own? I wouldn’t be able to save myself if you weren’t there?”
“No, Shiro, that´s not what I meant! I´m worried about you and your health. I want you to be safe, that´s what I meant!”
More silence, followed by a dry laugh. “You mean like Adam did? You want to keep me here and spoon-feed me like Adam wanted to do?”
There had been a gasp, followed by a curse, a choked sound. Even from the other room, the air was thick and oh so not good. Then Keith had spoken again. He sounded strained, his voice cracking with the last words. “I´m leaving. Finish the meeting without me.”
Another gasp. “What? No, Keith, wait.”
“Move out of the way, I´m out of here!”
“Keith, I wasn’t…”
“Move!”
“Keith, wait. Hold on!” The door swooshed open, then closed, and footsteps were heard outside of the meeting room, quick and angry and steady. Running footsteps followed those, both pairs disappeared down the hall.
Shiro had come back to the room nearly half an hour later. He´d looked ashen. When he´d spoken, he´d sounded tired, voice raspy, probably due to excessive yelling.
No one had said anything neither before nor after Shiro dismissed the meeting.
Shiro looks ashen the next morning. Keith still leaves with the Blade. They don’t say goodbye to each other. Curtis knows because Shiro asks Curtis to tell Veronica to oversee the launch. Acxa is the one that talks to Veronica instead of Keith before the Blades' ship leaves.
Curtis is not a monster. Despite recognizing that this is a somewhat decent opportunity, he knows that would be cruel, and with this little game he and Keith have going on, he knows picking up the pieces after that fight wouldn´t be fair to anyone.
So Curtis waits. Curtis is patient. He can allow himself to wait because of two things. First, he has faith, and he believes in Shiro, in him, in the possibility of something happening between them. Second, he has time, and a lot of it.
Keith is absent for a little over a year.
That year works wonders. Three months go by before Curtis even decides to bring up the subject, but when he does, Shiro is not as closed off as he thought he might be. In fact, Shiro is quite willing to go on another date, then another, and then another. There are no interruptions during those dates. They begin and ends in calmed and uneventful bliss. Curtis makes Shiro laugh. Shiro chats with him and not about Keith. They´re truly enjoyable dates that seem to pick Shiro up from the funk he´s been in since Keith left.
Curtis steals a kiss after the sixth date. Shiro doesn´t respond, but he doesn´t pull away either.
By the eighth date, when Curtis kisses Shiro, Shiro actually kisses him back.
They make progress. It´s slow, and difficult, and Shiro is not as open and carefree as many might think. It takes a couple more months until Shiro finally starts to trust him, little by little. A bond starts growing, feelings deepen, expand.
By the time the one-year mark hits, Curtis decides he´s ready for the next step.
He proposes. Shiro accepts.
Shiro´s kiss tastes genuine and affectionate and Curtis truly believes this will work out.
Naturally, everyone must be invited to the wedding. Keith is the first name on Shiro´s wedding list.
Keith´s eyes are deep purple galaxies that seem to burn brighter and stronger than ever, burning so hot that Shiro knows he´ll combust if he looks into them for more than a few seconds. He carries himself with confidence and controlled anger, his voice hard and serious yet empty. Keith is not happy, that much is obvious, and to Shiro, so is the reason as to why he´s so upset.
Shiro understands. Shiro knows. He knows the news of the wedding did not sit well with Keith. Truthfully, they hadn’t really sat well with him either, despite being his own wedding. As he sees Keith leave Ezor and Zethrid in charge of the Blades´ ship and Acxa to talk with Sam and other senior officers that go greet the ship when it lands in the Garrison, Shiro realizes the wedding now sits even worse with him. The mere thoughts feel alien, distant, not really comfortable. Then again, those thoughts have been there since the moment the ‘yes’ slipped from his lips.
Shiro lets a sigh slip from his lips as he sees Keith approach. He straightens, puffs out his chest. By the time Keith stops in front of him and crosses his arms, Shiro thinks he can do this.
“Hello, Keith,” he greets. It´s not the first time they´ve talked since that horrible meeting. They´ve talked several times on the screens in the year Keith has been gone. They´d apologized, they had even fallen back into their usual routine and behavior around each other, even after Shiro had informed Keith about him and Curtis going steady. They had even talked normally when Keith informed him he and Acxa were going to give it a shot. They had also talked about how Keith and Acxa didn´t work at all but Curtis and Shiro were still…steady. They had worked past all that, they had congratulated and smiled at each other, and Shiro is sure that they both meant it at the time.
Shiro is also sure that they both meant it because they were galaxies apart and it´s easy to ignore a lot of things when they´re not near each other. When they are close, things shift, feelings blossom, and Shiro is unable to gravitate away from Keith and the stars that shine in his eyes.
It is also easy to pretend and ignore and “move on” because they´ve never actually had anything. Shiro loves him, Keith loves him, and if Shiro has ever found his home anywhere, with anyone, it´s with Keith. They started out as friends, they started out with Keith looking up to him and slowly trusting him until they became friends, equals, and then it had all changed, evolved, and the lines had blurred. They shared their first kiss one night in the Castle of Lions, back when their journey as Paladins had only begun.
“I love you,” Keith had said, his fingers digging into Shiro´s arms hard enough that there would be bruises come morning. He´d been trembling, eyes half-lidded and soft pants coming from his lips. He´d looked beautiful, and impatient and frustrated, and Shiro had kissed him again. Then Shiro had wrapped his arms around Keith´s waist and pinned him against the wall outside of Keith´s room.
Keith´s moans as their kisses intensified had been glorious. His hands had felt just as wonderful on Shiro´s skin. Despite the night ending merely on a very messy and hurried make-out followed by Keith cuddling against him and asking random questions about the lions, Shiro had never before felt so exhilarated.
The thought had brought a smile to his face, and he´d started running his hand through Keith´s hair as his questions had started turning into sleepy mumbles.
“Keith?” he´d said.
“And what if Red can…? Oh. What?”
“I love you too, you know?”
Keith had paused, then dug his face into the crook of Shiro´s neck. “I don’t think you do. Not the way I meant it. Not the way I love you.”
Shiro had raised an eyebrow, amused. “Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
“So what we just did… doesn´t… count?”
Keith stayed quiet for a few minutes, the sighed. “Seems also too good to be true,” he´d admitted after a while.
Shiro had hidden a smile against his hair, pressed his lips against the dark strands. “I love you,” he´d repeated.
Keith had paused again. Shiro could feel him frown, then relax. “Love you, too.”
And that feeling is still there. Shiro has known it all along. Keith being away for a year may have allowed the two of them to put it off to one side and try, experiment, with others. However, with Keith right there, anger radiating off of him in waves, lips drawn tight and the stars within those deep eyes about to explode, Shiro knows – with the same certainty that Keith is mad – that there is no one else.
No matter how much Curtis wants, no matter how hard Shiro tries, Shiro will never be able to see and love the universe in anyone else´s eyes.
“Captain,” Keith drawls, and without any preamble he goes on, “I want to talk to you about your wedding. Alone. In your office. Do you have a minute?”
Shiro has all the time in the world for him. Out loud, he nods and settles for an, “Of course. Follow me.”
He pulls out his phone and types out a quick message to Curtis once they reach his office. He apologizes because he won´t be able to make it to their date that night, then puts his phone away without waiting for a reply.
“Got more than a minute?” Keith asks softly.
“As long as you need.”
“Good.” Keith moves quick, agile and graceful. Shiro falls into his chair. Keith is now on his lap.
“You´re getting married,” Keith breathes. His hands settle on Shiro´s shoulders. He brushes their noses together.
“Yes,” Shiro says, and he´s the one who closes the distance between them to press their lips together.
Keith gasps, then starts kissing him back. The tone of the kiss changes from gentle to an urgent clash of mouths, tongue and even teeth. Keith´s knuckles turn white from how hard he´s gripping Shiro´s shoulder.
“I still love you,” Keith manages.
Shiro bites his lower lip, suckles on his tongue. “I still love you too,” he replies. Very much so.
Keith can still feel the burn of Shiro´s teeth on his skin and the wood against his back from where Shiro had fucked him inside a closet not three hours ago. He can also feel Shiro´s cum slowly making its way down his thighs. Shiro had been thorough when cleaning him up and gentle enough to not leave marks, but it looks like it wasn’t enough. Keith is very aware of those little details, and as he watches Curtis and Shiro go around the little reception room taking pictures with the people in every single table, he can´t help but hide a smile behind his glass of champagne.
Krolia gives him a strange look. She hadn’t wanted to attend the wedding, she hadn’t wanted Keith to attend the wedding either, but Keith had insisted that he was fine and that he could handle it. In the end, she had come with him ‘just in case something went wrong’. The same went for Acxa, who is also giving him a weird look.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
Keith tips his head back and finishes his glass. He pours himself another. “I´m great,” he says.
Acxa and Krolia exchange glances. His mom clears her throat. “Look, Keith, there is really no need for you to pretend to be strong. Not right now. We can all leave as soon as you want.”
“I know, mom, but I don’t want to leave.”
“You don’t?”
Keith shakes his head, gives another smile. He´d pulled Shiro into the closet with less than half an hour until the ceremony began. While they´d been taking it slow and even romantic to the point Keith could say they´d been making love in the three weeks since Keith and the Blades had arrived, their moment in the closet was anything but that. Remembering as he keeps sipping of his glass, Keith realizes that they´d fucked earlier like they´d fucked that day in Shiro´s office. Hard, fast, full of needy hands and guttural sounds. It had felt amazing the last time. It had felt glorious now. Keith isn´t riding the afterglow anymore, but he still feels unbelievable satisfied. Smug, even.
His smile widens when Shiro and Curtis finally make it to their table. The photographer arranges them, and Keith leans his head against Shiro´s shoulder, feels the taller man tighter the arm he has over his shoulders.
“Congratulation,” he whispers, gives Shiro a slight squeeze. Shiro kisses his cheek. They share a smile before the grooms move on to the other tables.
Shiro takes Keith out to floor as soon as the mandatory dances are over. Krolia seems ready to stop Shiro from even asking, but Keith assures her it´s fine. He takes the hand Shiro offers and places his free hand on Shiro´s shoulder as soon as they´re between the other dancing couples.
“Just like we practiced?” Keith asks.
Shiro grins. “Just like that. Thanks for helping me practice. This would have been a disaster otherwise.”
Keith rolls his eyes. He starts leading, and Shiro follows. They fall into a very comfortable and practiced sway that ends only when an elderly woman asks to dance with Shiro.
“Have fun in the honeymoon,” Keith whispers as he pulls away.
Shiro chuckles, fingers lingering on Keith´s palm. “Nothing will be as fun as that closet today.”
“I´m certainly counting on it.”
Shiro looks like he wants to say more, but the old lady catches his attention, and Keith slips back to his table. Krolia narrows her eyes as soon as she sees him. She goes in for the kill.
“I imagined you would be a bit more upset,” she says. “Given this is your… Shiro´s wedding.”
“My Shiro?” he asks.
“I do not know what other term could be used. I understand you never dated, I understand you were never in a relationship, but I also understand and can see you have feelings for him. It shows on your face. It reminds me of the way I looked at your father.”
Keith glances over his shoulder. His lips twitch when he sees Shiro trying hard not to stumble and fall on top of the old woman.
“Yeah,” he tells Krolia. “I think that´s a pretty good comparison.”
Keith joins Pidge and Lance´s little dance competition after the grooms leave. He´s tipsy by then, but not too drunk as to actually dance. He does laugh, and the night ends on a high note.
Krolia leaves sometime before midnight. Acxa stays with him, and she makes sure he gets back to his room in one piece. Keith is changing into his pajamas and trying to sober up when his phone pings. It´s a picture from Shiro. A view from the plane´s window out to the dark blue and purple night sky of wherever they must have been hours ago.
Almost as impressive as space, don´t you think? Not nearly as pretty as your eyes, though.
Keith shakes his head. He climbs into bed before answering.
Have fun.
I miss you already, comes Shiro immediate reply.
Me too. But have fun. It is your honeymoon.
I told you nothing would be as good or as fun as today.
Put some effort into it. Good night, Shiro.
Good night, Keith.
They pick up right where they left off when Shiro comes back from the honeymoon. Things don´t change, at least not for them. Keith is back on Shiro´s lap in his office the first morning Shiro goes back to work. They can´t go back to Shiro´s room given he now shares an apartment with Curtis, but aside from that, nothing is different. They still get breakfast together when they´re free, they still eat lunch together during meetings, they still go out to dinner once or twice. They still spar, they still take Cosmo out for long walks too, they still go back to making love and fucking, depending on their mood. It feels familiar, it feels right. It´s easy to forget the fact that at the end of the day, Shiro has to go home to someone else.
Keith would worry more and feel worse about that last bit if it didn’t feel as if Curtis was the mistress instead of Keith.
And Curtis… Curtis is a smart man. It doesn´t take more than a week for Keith to notice that Curtis has gone back to forcing smiles and ignoring Keith. He has also gone back to trying to keep all of Shiro´s attention to himself. Understandable. Curtis is his husband, after all.
Keith is Shiro´s beloved, and that carries more weight. It´s not Keith who thinks it. It´s the facts that talk.
Keith comes to the conclusion that Curtis is up to something after the fourth week of his and Shiro´s marriage. He isn´t sure what about Curtis tips him off, but the night he and Shiro go out to dinner to a restaurant Hunk recommended, Keith gets the feeling something will happen.
He shrugs off his thoughts and worries when Shiro asks him if there´s something wrong. It´s been several days since he and Shiro saw each other. There´s a lot to talk about in both their ends, apparently, and Keith lets himself be drawn more than usual into every single conversation, every word Shiro says, every expression he makes. He offers his input when he can. Likewise, Keith talks about the latest issues with the Blade, and Shiro offers solutions and help as well.
By the time they get to the restaurant, they´ve started talking about the new animals at the rebuilt zoo. Shiro is teasing him about going there and getting a picture of Keith with the hippos. Keith groans, then laughs, bumps his head against Shiro´s shoulder.
“If you ever have a free morning, I´d love to go. With you, it might actually be fun,” Keith says.
Shiro gives a soft laugh, and Keith can see all the tired lines that mar his face. “I would love to go too if I ever get more than two minutes to breathe,” he says with a sigh that indicates they won´t be able to go any time soon. He looks exhausted. He looks stressed. He looks like he´s trying really hard to look cheerful.
Keith purses his lips. They enter the restaurant. By the time they step inside, Keith has concluded that he´s going to try and give Shiro some breathing room and time. He´ll do it in what he knows is one of Shiro´s favorite ways.
Before Shiro can ask for a table, Keith steps forward and asks for a booth, the farthest one they have from the door. Shiro and the maître give him a look. Keith merely shrugs. She leads them to the best booth they have that meets Keith´s demands, then leaves.
Shiro gives him a look again. “I´m pretty sure that until I mentioned the zoo you didn’t have anything up your sleeve. But now you do. What is it?”
Keith tries to look innocent. He succeeds, but of course it doesn´t work with Shiro.
“Do you really want to know?” he asks.
Shiro seems to think about it for a while. He frowns. “Do I?”
“Let´s leave it as a surprise. It´s nothing bad, promise. In fact, I think you´ll enjoy it.”
Both of Shiro´s eyebrows go up. “Will I?
Keith is pretty sure he will.
And as it turns out, Shiro does end up enjoying Keith´s idea.
“Keith…” Shiro hisses, bionic and flesh fingers tightening their grip on Keith´s hair as Keith parts his lips a bit more and tips his head forward. He feels Shiro trembled underneath him, feels Shiro´s cock twitch inside his mouth.
Keith hums around him, steadies his palms on the floor and goes back to sucking him slowly, deeply, starting at the tip and taking in most of the shaft before starting up again. While Shiro likes being deep-throated as much as the next guy, Keith knows that he prefers it this way. Shiro prefers the tease, and what Keith is actually doing isn´t the biggest part of the whole teasing aspect, at least not in this case.
No, the biggest aspect about what Keith is doing is the fact that Keith is under their table, hidden by the tablecloth, and Shiro is trying not to moan and groan and curse in the room full of other blissfully unsuspecting customers. All while they race against time because their desserts are about to arrive any minute.
Keith lets him go with a soft and wet pop, lays his cheek against Shiro´s thigh and wraps a lazy hand around his erection, peeks at him from where Shiro has lifted the tablecloth.
“No sign of the food yet?” he whispers. He kisses the tip, runs his tongue along the slit.
Shiro´s breath is ragged. He takes a deep breath in and looks around. He lowers his eyes back to Keith. “Nothing yet. You ordered those cakes knowing full well that it´d take hours, wouldn’t you?”
Keith shrugs, then closes his eyes and goes back to paying Shiro´s cock the attention it deserves. He hears Shiro gasp, hears him stifle a moan. Keith smiles, lets his tongue flick out to lap up the precum. His lips slide over him, and this time he decides to do more of what he enjoys.
“Are you close?” he asks, and Shiro´s breath hitches. “Closer to feeling better?” he adds. Shiro almost laughs, the laugh ending in a heartfelt curse when Keith swallows him whole once, twice, then again, and again.
“Keith…” Shiro whispers almost helplessly, but Keith doesn´t relent. He opens, trails his hand downwards to caress and play with Shiro´s balls. Shiro lets a moan slip, and just as soon he brings his fist to his mouth, digs his teeth into his knuckles. He tilts his head against the chair, and closes his own eyes.
Keith knows he´s got him. His throat works, and Shiro is now shaking in his seat, spurting his seed down Keith´s throat, who does his best to swallow and keep it all inside. He feels a few thin lines slide down his chin, and he gives Shiro´s cock a couple of last licks before he pulls off and starts pushing Shiro´s underwear and pants up.
“Feel like you can breathe better now?” Keith asks hoarsely. His tongue flicks out to catch the leftover cum, and he helps Shiro button up his pants and adjust the belt before he decides it´s time to come out.
Shiro is rosy-cheeked, smiling and looking better when Keith slides back into his seat. He holds out a hand, crooks two fingers. Keith leans in, let´s Shiro wipe clean his mouth with a napkin, then lets out a groan of his own when Shiro kisses him.
“You´ll be the death of me, you know that, right?” Shiro asks, lets his head fall against Keith´s shoulder.
Keith hums, runs a hand through the snowy white hair.
Then there´s movement out of the corner of his eye. It happens so fast he almost misses it. In the end, however, he does catch a glimpse of the person that just hid behind a plant and then ran for the exit.
“I think you´re going to have a rough night,” he informs Shiro, feeling his mood drop.
Shiro knows he should say something. He knows he has to say something. Staying quiet after being accused of cheating isn’t good.
Then again, the cheating itself isn’t any better.
The worst – best? – part is that Curtis doesn’t even look surprised. He looks upset, and he looks sad, but as far as Shiro can see, there is no surprise, nor any anger.
“Keith said that you saw us,” he says eventually. “Today. At the restaurant.”
Curtis rubs his palm over his face. “I did.”
Shiro waits for the choking shame and guilt to hit him. He waits for his whole body to flare red from embarrassment. He waits for the bile to hit the back of his throat. He waits for his body to fall to its knees and ask Curtis for forgiveness.
None of that happens.
“I´m sorry,” he says.
Curtis sighs. He shakes his head, crosses his arms. “Are you, Shiro? Are you really sorry?”
He is. He´s sorry he isn’t feeling what he should. He´s sorry he´s upset Curtis, he´s sorry to see Curtis sad. However, he can´t bring himself to actually feel sorry for what he and Keith have done, for what they have.
“I´m sorry I am putting you through this,” Shiro says. “I am sorry I lead you on this far. I am sorry…”
“That no one besides him will ever be enough?”
Again, Shiro waits for the shame to come and bury him under. Still, nothing happens.
“Yes,” he admits.
Curtis shakes his head again. “Despite what you said… despite what he said… I always had a feeling that you weren’t being honest with me, with each other and even with yourselves. I knew there was something neither of you were saying. I knew my chances of… winning were slim. Nonetheless, I wanted to try, and I hoped.”
Shiro nods, grits his teeth. “You did,” he says. “You tried, and I appreciate every little effort and sacrifice you´ve done for me. I noticed them all. The respect and appreciation I have for you will never change.” He pauses, realizes that neither of those words are something a husband wants to hear, but it´s all Shiro can offer to him.
“I love Keith,” he continues, doesn´t let Curtis´s flinching stop him. “He´s… he´s everything to me. Like I told you, he´s home. He´s family, but not in the sense that I first told you. He hasn’t been family like the Holts are for years now.”
“Then why didn’t you…?” Curtis starts, cuts himself off with a frustrated sound. “Shiro, we didn’t need to have a wedding and to have you cheat for you to tell me all this. I was half-prepared to hear it. But to wait until after the wedding, to let me think for just a moment that I had an actual chance at a life with you…”
“It was unfair,” Shiro agrees. “It was cruel. You don’t deserve any of this. You are correct. This is my mistake.” He knows that´s the truth, he knows he should be nervous, disappointed, angry, that he should feel more sympathy for Curtis, that he should regret everything about Keith. He can´t, because he doesn´t.
Curtis lets out another frustrated sound. They stare at each other for a few minutes. Shiro keeps his shoulders and spine straight, his hands loose at his sides. His eyes are unflinching, his mouth forming a thin and neutral line.
Curtis shakes his head a third time. Shiro speaks. “I´m sorry I can´t love you the way you want me to. I really am sorry I can´t return your feelings. I apologize for making you feel bad, for not cutting our relationship sooner. I won´t apologize for being with Keith and loving Keith. I can´t, because it´s not something I have ever regretted. He means the world to me, and I´m sorry it took us so long to finally accept it during these circumstances.”
Curtis presses his palms over his eyes. He curses. “I suppose me asking for a divorce won´t come as a surprise to you.”
“No.”
“It´s something you want?”
“Not necessarily something I want. I just think that it´s better that way.”
“For you or for me?”
“For both.”
Curtis starts pacing. “I suppose it is. I´ll ask you to leave the apartment tonight and to take most of your things. You can come by and pick the rest when I´m not here.”
Shiro moves forward and into Curtis´s bedroom without a word. It was supposed to be their bedroom, but Shiro hasn’t slept in the same bed as Curtis since they came back from the honeymoon. He either stays in the barracks at the Garrison or out in the couch. Well, that ends tonight.
Shiro takes out the biggest suitcase he can find and puts his clothes and other things into it. He gathers his books, his toothbrush and aftershave, the spare pair of reading glasses he´s just started wearing. There isn’t much else here. Shiro never really made this apartment his home.
Curtis is waiting by the door when Shiro walks past the living room with his suitcase.
“I´ve got everything,” he informs. “I left the key in the kitchen.”
Curtis nods. He opens the door. Shiro walks out.
“Goodbye, Shiro.”
“Thank you, Curtis.”
Shiro is leaning back on his office chair, staring at the midnight sky through his window when the door opens. There are soft footsteps, and then Keith´s hand on his shoulders.
“Hey. I thought you were coming to my room? I mean, after you called and said… I thought…”
“I planned to,” Shiro interrupts. “I wanted to. Then I realized it would be even more unfair to Curtis if I did that, and it´d be the exact thing he´d expect me to do. I figured one night wouldn’t kill us.”
“It won´t.” Keith hops onto the table, squeezes Shiro´s shoulder. He also stares at the sky outside.
“So what now?” he whispers.
Shiro is silent for a few minutes. Keith waits. Eventually, Shiro takes the hand on his shoulder and brings it upwards, presses his lips against Keith´s knuckles.
“I´ll get a divorce, and we´ll do this right,” he says. “We´ll do this freely, and openly, and properly.”
Keith nods. He waits another couple of minutes, then says, “I´ve never stopped loving you, Takashi.”
Shiro kisses his hand again. “I´ve never stopped loving you either,” he says. And he knows he won´t stop. Not tomorrow, not in ten years, not in twenty years. His love for Keith, Keith´s love for him, is something that was always there, and will forever be.