Chapter Text
“I don't have the guts to pull the trigger, so I kill myself a little each day,” Hank said his breath fogging in the night air. “That's probably pretty hard for you to understand, huh Connor?”
At the time Connor did in fact have trouble understanding. He'd had trouble understanding a lot of things, as all he had to go on was what they had programmed into him and the approximate 85 hours he had spent out amongst the living. He had spent most of his life in storage, and was finding the volatile nature of his partner puzzling and concerning. He had a mission to accomplish, so he didn't bother thinking about it beyond what he needed to get Lt. Anderson back to functionality.
Then he deviated, and now he understood what Hank had been saying all too well.
8:25 a.m. December 22nd
27° Fahrenheit, Partly cloudy chance of snow
Attention: thirium levels at 58%
Attention: time since last rest mode 64 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Objectives
-Get dressed
-Let Sumo out
-Start breakfast
-Prepare for party
It was his day off.
Connor had been readily accepted as a consultant at the DPD once humans had slowly started to trickle back to their homes, fear of attack from Markus's peaceful community assuaged. He was partnered back up with Hank and the pair were assigned the newly and hastily formed Android Division. Connor liked his work, he preferred his work to his idle time.
He shook his head at the thought, he had to stop getting attached to things.
Top of the list: get dressed. Technically, Connor already was dressed since he hadn't slept the night before. Sleeping being rest mode and his pajamas being one of many gifts of clothing from Hank.
“I don't wanna see you sleeping sitting up on the couch in your Cyberlife suit and tie, it's creepy, take the spare room and take the clothes.”
However, he found it wise to change into something more casual since his normally professional attire seemed to be so disconcerting to others. He found a pair of darkly colored jeans, a baggy t-shirt with a dizzying pattern true to Hank's fashion sense, and a pair of thick socks. Deeming the outfit appropriate, he got changed.
Sumo was already entering the room, tail wagging slowly. Connor patted Sumo affectionately on the head, and let the dog lead him out into the living room.
Connor liked the small clutter of Hank's house. It was unlike the RK800 storage bay, a clinical organized room with no sense of comfort. It was busy and small and full of personality. Connor felt a twinge of regret when he noticed a small portion of that personality was becoming his: case files on the coffee table, thirium in the cupboard, yarn and crochet needle on the couch (he found it equally as soothing as his coin, with the added bonus of actually completing a set task).
These would be things Hank would look to when Connor was gone. Sources of grief. Connor should never have let himself move so fully into Hank's house or his life.
Sumo barked and pulled Connor out of his thoughts. He was doing that more often now, drifting into thoughts instead of assigning them a certain amount of processing power as he went about his tasks. It was a side effect of his poor self-maintenance.
“Sorry, Sumo,” Connor said politely, opening the back door to let the dog out.
Objectives
-start breakfast
-prepare for party
-remove personal items from living room
Connor was not a domestic android, everything he knew about cooking came from files Markus had been kind enough to share with him. He didn't mind it, it wasn't one of his favorite tasks, but it helped fill up the empty space between work and it kept Hank from eating cold pizza for every meal. He started on breakfast, pausing when he had time to let Sumo back in and clear his things from the living room. He also cleaned a bit more than usual, knowing they would have company later.
Attention: thirium levels at 58%
Attention: time since last rest mode 65 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
It was a holiday party and also a celebration of Markus's recent success with negotiations on the Android Employment Rights Act, just Hank, Connor, Markus and his partners, Josh, and “a few of the guys from work I find tolerable enough to drink with.” Connor highly suspected Hank was only opening his infamously closed off home to guests because he was trying to get Connor to spend time with people.
“I think he's avoiding us, personally,” Markus teased.
“Don't take it personally he avoids everyone except me, can't get rid of him,” Hank said back.
Connor was avoiding Markus and the others.
The gun was cold under his chin, since when did he feel cold? Since the garden. Since the snowstorm and since Amanda’s cold gaze fixed him in place. He was a danger. A puppet. At any point Amanda and Cyberlife could snap the leash and make him turn on whoever he was with. He had to end it.
The thirium would evaporate by the time Hank woke up, invisible to the human eye. He would just be a broken machine, needing to be thrown away. Why couldn’t he pull the trigger? The longer he lived the more dangerous it was for Markus and Hank and all the others, all the people he’d come to know over the past few days.
Hank at the church, laughing with Markus and North. They did a perimeter sweep, kept the place clear of any lagging aggressors. One visit turned into many and suddenly Connor had friends, he had people he cared about, people he would hurt once Amanda decided it was time.
If he was still a machine he would do it. He wouldn’t shiver the way he was shivering right now. It wouldn’t even be a sacrifice it would just be the most logical course of action and now he had feelings and he was scared and he would miss people.
A whine, and then Sumo was laying his head on Connor’s leg. Connor jumped, startled. He reached out a shaking hand to pat Sumo’s head and then he was crying. He lowered the gun he’d stolen from Hank’s nightstand, until finally it was laying on the ground and both of his hands were rubbing Sumo’s fur.
By dawn Hank’s gun was back where it belonged, and Connor understood. He didn’t have the guts to pull the trigger. So he would kill himself a little each day.
7:30 pm December 22nd
Attention: thirium levels at 56%
Attention: time since last rest mode 75 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Hey, Connor!”
Markus pulled Connor into a hug, and when he pulled away he passed a bottle to Hank. “Carl’s favorite, I figured you’d appreciate it.”
“You, kid, are my new favorite android,” Hank said, practically moved to tears by the expensive bourbon he was holding.
“Connor! Heads up!”
Connor quickly parried North’s assault, the pair of them trading soft blows back and forth while Hank and Markus rolled their eyes. Eventually Connor had North in a hold, not that she seemed to mind with the way she was laughing.
“You have to teach me that one,” she said.
“I worry you’ll surpass me once I do,” Connor replied, freeing her and straightening his clothes.
“Alright, rookie, lay off my partner,” Hank chuckled, patting North on the shoulder.
Markus ^Friend
North ^Friend
Josh ^Warm
Simon ^Warm
Fowler ^Warm
Miller ^Friend
Collins ^Warm
Markus, North, and Simon seemed to be getting on as well as usual. Many androids had opted for similar open relationships, with the notable exceptions like the Tracis Connor had spared (they prefered to go by Molly and Deborah these days) or Kara and Luther (Connor kept in touch, giving them updates on the political climate in the states should they ever chose to return, Connor felt he owed them that much). Connor felt a pang of longing watching them, but he managed to push it aside. Tonight was just another last night, another last night with the people he cared about before he let his body fail.
“Connor! Did I show you these pictures of Damian yet?” Miller asked, throwing an arm around Connor’s shoulders and pulling his phone into view.
Blood alcohol content 0.08%
“He’s very cute,” Connor admitted, really meaning it.
Attention: thirium levels at 54%
Attention: time since last rest mode 76 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Connor!” Hank shouted, approaching with Markus. “You’ve got some explaining to do, you never told me androids could eat and drink!”
“I told you I could be your ‘buddy to drink with,’ Hank,” Connor said.
“Yeah, but I didn’t know you could actually get drunk,” Hank said. “This whole time androids are just as fallible as the rest of us! Fuck!”
“Sorry, secret’s out,” Markus chuckled, his cheeks dusted in shades of blue.
Blood alcohol content 0.13%
Thirium alcohol content 0.10%
“You are both very bad influences,” Connor replied, accepting the drink Markus handed him. He tried not to think too hard about how Markus’s blushing made his pump skip a beat.
10:45 pm
Attention: thirium levels at 50%
Attention: thirium alcohol content 0.10%
Attention: time since last rest mode 77 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Are you alright?”
Connor looked up to where Markus was approaching him. He was sitting outside, close to the fire pit. He kept telling himself he didn’t need the heat but it felt good to be near it. It felt good when Markus draped his coat around Connor’s shoulders.
“Yes, I’m just…” Connor paused. “...thinking.”
“You do that a lot, huh?” Markus asked. He took a seat next to Connor, sighing happily at the warmth of the fire pit.
“I do…” Connor replied.
A silence passed between them, and then Markus spoke again. “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself.”
“I am!” Connor insisted. “I socialized, I had more than one alcoholic beverage, I am the life of the party.”
“You’re outside by yourself,” Markus replied with a not altogether unkind smirk.
“You’re here,” Connor pointed out. The wind picked up, and Connor imagined he saw snowflakes drifting before his eyes. He pulled Markus’s coat tighter around him.
“I am,” Markus agreed. More silence, but a familiar kind of silence like neither of the had anything to say and that was alright. Connor didn’t know which one of them started leaning first, but he was suddenly inches away from Markus’s face, could feel their artificial breath mingling.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Connor pulled back, starting a dozen diagnostics. He could see the reflection of his LED red in Markus’s eyes.
“Connor?” Markus asked.
“Excuse me,” Connor got up, letting Markus’s coat fall as he stood and hurried back into the house.
North, Hank, Fowler, and Josh had started another round of poker, Simon and Miller were talking on the couch. Connor nearly tripped over Sumo as he passed them on the way to his room. He closed the door behind him, snowflakes dancing in his vision as his objectives began to change.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Objectives
-secure a weapon
-neutralize the deviant leader
“I don’t have to answer to you,” Connor said through gritted teeth. Still, the programming was there like an itch in the back of his mind. A compulsion similar to and yet so unlike his need to fidget with a coin or adjust his tie or wring his hands.
Was that Amanda’s voice he heard in his ear? Was that a trellis of roses standing by the wall?
YOU ARE A MACHINE
Objectives
-steal Hank’s gun
-neutralize the deviant leader
Connor sat, his back against the wall. He pulled up a cold case, one of many he’d downloaded from the DPD databanks. He focused 100% of his processing power on it, his eyes squeezed shut.
Connor? Connor.
“Connor!”
Connor opened his eyes. Hank was kneeling in front of him, and when Connor opened his eyes he sighed and patted him on the shoulder.
“You alright, kid?”
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Yes,” Connor answered, scanning the area. The house was empty aside from him, Hank, and Sumo. The party must have ended some time ago.
“Huh.” Hank looked Connor over, but the concern gave way to a grin. “Had one too many, huh? Try and sleep it off in the bed and not on the floor?”
“I will,” Connor agreed.
10:30 am December 24th
Attention: thirium levels at 46%
Attention: time since last rest mode 138 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“The suspect was last seen on East Lafayette leaving a bar,” Connor said, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his eyes as he relayed information to Hank. He pulled his hand away from the computer, the skin forming back over it as he reached up and rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Witnesses say he was driving a red van, and that there were some traces of thirium on his clothes.”
“The sooner we get this bastard the better,” Hank said. “Bad enough we have those assholes from the ‘Brotherhood of Man’ or whatever harassing androids left and right but creeps like this Rodgers guy draining ‘em for red ice… I’m starting to get real sick of people.”
“Mhm,” Connor replied. Was he tired? Why was he tired? Androids don’t get tired their processors slow if they aren’t allowed a period to shut down now and then but fatigue was…
Connor sighed. Fatigue was deviant. Fatigue was emotions dripping all over his orders and objectives like mud and drowning him in sludge.
“Connor?”
“Hank?” Connor looked up.
“You feeling alright?” Hank asked. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for awhile now and you’re just zoning out.”
“I’m fine. I apologize, I was updating the Rodgers file,” Connor lied effortlessly. It was in his programming.
“You look like hell. I didn’t even know androids could look like hell,” Hank said.
Connor glanced at his reflection on the screen in front of him. He manually adjusted his skin and bolstered its color as much as he could with such low levels of thirium. Then he ran a hand through his hair and fixed his tie.
“We should get going. The longer we wait the colder the trail goes.”
10:50 pm December 24th
Attention: thirium levels at 46%
Attention: time since last rest mode 138 hours
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Connor analyzed the thirium on his fingers, trying to ignore the prompt that followed encouraging him to imbibe the thirium provided.
“It’s a match for the missing WR400 model,” Connor said.
Hank was giving his thanks to the bartender he’d just questioned, and nodded as he approached Connor.
“He had them in the bar?” he asked.
“No, the thirium is very old and there isn’t much of it. With the way it’s place here on the counter I think it’s more likely he had some on his sleeve and it rubbed off on the wood,” Connor said.
He stepped away from the bar, scanning for more traces of thirium. Aside from the initial drop on the door handle he’d noticed coming in there was nothing, so he left the bar to examine the outside.
There were tire tracks, Rodgers had left in a hurry. A dented mailbox a little ways down the street. Connor allowed his predictive programming to draw the most likely path the van would have taken.
“I don’t think he went far,” Connor said.
“It looks like he booked it out of here in a hurry, and you think he didn’t go far?” Hank asked, folding his arms over his chest. It was a familiar song and dance at this point. Connor had a theory, Hank pointed out the possible flaws never critical simply prodding Connor along and playing devil’s advocate.
“He wasn’t in a hurry, I believe he was intoxicated,” Connor said. “He was driving recklessly not in a panic. There’s a foreclosed storage unit not far from here, and nearby residents have complained of squatters. It may be where he’s bringing the androids.”
“Alright, that might make sense,” Hank shrugged. “Could also be a huge leap.”
“We lose nothing by investigating,” Connor said.
“Except time,” Hank replied.
“Do we have any other leads?” Connor asked, arching an eyebrow and waiting for the expected ‘no.’
Hank smirked and gestured to his car.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Hank put out a hand that caught Connor in the chest, stopping him in his tracks. The lieutenant put a finger to his lips and jerked his head forward. Connor followed his line of vision and just managed to catch a glimpse of a shadow darting out of sight.
Hank had his gun out. Technically, the laws that kept androids from being armed were still in place amongst many others Markus was slowly chipping away at, so Connor was unarmed as always. Not that he needed a weapon to be lethal, though it certainly helped.
Hank went to take point as always but Connor pushed past him, ignoring the irritated covert swearing. He chased after the shadow, showing a reckless lack of forethought that ultimately kept him from missing Rodgers as the man ducked down another row of storage units.
“Detroit Police, freeze!” Connor shouted, and when Rodgers did not in fact freeze Connor took off in pursuit.
As he was chasing Rodgers, Connor noticed his predictive programming was functioning slower than usual, and he couldn’t even determine the rate at which its quality was decreasing. He felt a momentary pang of guilt that his self destructive behavior might prevent him from putting a bad man behind bars, but the guilt faded to be replaced with a new emotion when Rodgers turned and pulled a gun on him.
It wasn’t fear he felt was Rodgers pulled the trigger.
It was relief.
“Connor!”
Connor toppled over from the impact, and before his vision was filled with alerts and error messages he saw Hank running past firing his gun.
Biocomponent #8456w minor damage
Biocomponent #4792r damaged in need of replacement
Shutdown in -35:01
Connor closed his eyes. In thirty-five minutes Hank will have Connor at one of the many repair centers that had sprung up since the revolution. The damage could be easily fixed. He would live.
He felt a bitter sense of relief at that too.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“... all the reckless, dumbass moves I’ve ever seen,” Hank kept ranting, only getting louder as Connor refused to answer.
The technician that had a hand in Connor’s chest cavity was very pointedly trying to avoid eye contact with either of them. She finished sealing the crack in Connor’s regulator and then cleared her throat to give Hank a moment to pause and listen to her.
“I’ve repaired the damage. You’re extremely lucky that the only thing that needed replacing is a staple in all models. RK parts are hard to come by, especially RK800,” she said.
“Yeah, you’re telling me,” Hank said, shooting Connor a glare. “Thank you.”
“It wouldn’t have been so bad if you were taking care of yourself, though,” the technician said, approaching a nearby closet and taking out a bottle of thirium. “Drink all of this, your levels are way too low even for a gunshot. And go straight home and enter rest mode after this, don’t think I didn’t notice that either.” The technician handed Connor the bottle and then headed for the door. “I’ll give you two a minute in here, it’s been a slow day we won’t need the room for awhile and it looks like you still have some things to talk about.”
With that she left and closed the door behind her, leaving Connor trapped with the man that had just learned his secret.
“What does she mean, ‘if you were taking care of yourself?’” Hank asked suspiciously.
Connor took a sip of thirium in silence.
“Connor,” Hank hissed dangerously.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
“I’m sorry, Hank,” Connor found himself saying. “I’ve been ignoring my needs lately… and I was reckless earlier I agree. I haven’t been taking care of myself but I will do better.”
Objectives
-return to peak condition
-steal Hank’s gun
-neutralize the deviant leader
Connor’s breath hitched, he was terrified. He kept drinking his thirium.
“... Connor, you gotta tell me when these things happen, okay?” Hank sighed. “When you get… rundown or whatever, we have to be able to rely on each other and trust each other it’s what partners do.”
“I know,” Connor said.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: r 82 d;d 9 (o l ie)
Connor blinked, and tried to access the new program that had just flashed across his vision. Nothing happened.
“Look let’s... let’s just get you home so you can rest,” Hank said. “I’ll kick your ass tomorrow when you’re strong enough to handle it.”
“I appreciate that.” Connor managed a weak smile.
10:00 a.m. December 25th
32° Fahrenheit, chance of snow
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
The first thing Connor was aware of is how much better he felt. The second thing was voices. He sat up, swinging his legs out of bed and flinching at the feeling of cold that hit any bit of exposed skin now free of the blanket. He paused only to find a pair of warm socks to pull over his feet and a hoodie to yank over his pajamas. Then he moved out to the living room.
“... just have trouble adjusting to…”
The voice belonged to Markus, but he stopped talking when he became aware of Connor’s presence. Him and Hank were sitting at the kitchen table, a pair of coffee mugs between them, and when Connor entered they both fell silent and looked up at him.
Uncomfortable with the attention, Connor walked over to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup.
“Since when do you drink coffee?” Hank asked.
“Since now,” Connor replied cocking his head at a jaunty angle. “I’m trying a lot of new things.”
Hank shrugged, and Connor took a sip.
“Merry Christmas, Connor,” Markus said with a smile. “I like your pajamas.”
Connor looked down at his oversized DPD hoodie and fuzzy pants decorated with fish. “Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you as well.”
“Are you two doing anything for the holiday?” Markus asked.
“No, Hank has some emotional trauma tied to big holidays and tends to avoid them,” Connor said matter-of-factly much to Hank’s chagrin.
“Connor you’re not my shrink and yet you keep talking like it,” he groaned.
“Well, if you’re not doing anything you should come with me,” Markus said.
Connor felt a wave of panic wash over him. “To New Jericho?”
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“No, I made my appearance at the party last night,” Markus said with a humble smile. “I was actually going to visit my family. You should come with.”
“I…” Connor tried to think of an excuse.
“Go on, I’ll hold down the fort,” Hank said. Connor’s eyes narrowed, Hank’s pulse was slightly elevated and he was agreeing a little too quickly with Markus. They’d planned this. If the two of them were working together there would be no arguing.
“Alright…” Connor said. “Let me get dressed.”
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Connor wondered how long that would last.
Last night he had woken up around two am, had thought about how his programming made him talk Hank down and pointed him in the direction of killing Markus. The thirium in his veins had run cold and he’d been sick to his artificial stomach.
He was dangerous. He had to go.
But it was the holidays, and Hank had already suffered a great loss. Cole’s unopened presents still sat in the back of his closet, and Connor wouldn’t give him another reason to suffer during the holidays. He would have to wait until after New Years. He had to be strong, keep control of himself for as long as he could and then he had to sneak off and deactivate himself preferably in the least violent manner.
Now he was visiting Markus and his family for Christmas. Exposing Markus to danger.
“Hey.”
Hank knocked on the door. Having finished dressing, Connor opened the door and let Hank in. He was surprised to see a wrapped gift in Hank’s hands, and he was even more surprised at his surprise. Hank didn’t often manage to keep things hidden from Connor.
“Go ahead and take it now,” Hank said, handing the gift over and taking a seat on the edge of Connor’s bed.
Connor’s fingers hovered over the gift. For a moment he just wished he could stay like that forever, looking at the iridescent green paper and the golden bow. Breathlessly, he opened the gift.
“Apparently, with the way the laws are changing right now, you don’t actually have to attend the academy so long as you’ve downloaded all the information into your computer of a head,” Hank said. “Fowler and I argued for a bit over what level you’d start it but we finally settled on detective.”
Connor traced his fingers over the badge in his hand.
“I mean, I also got you another one of those video games you liked some rpg/puzzle thing,” Hank said. “But this one seemed more important.”
“Hank…” Connor said.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: r 8a f;d 9 (on l i)
Attention: ^Software Instability Detected
Hank ^Family
Connor pushed aside the feelings rising in his chest, and quickly moved to his dresser to pull out the gift he’d hidden in his top drawer. He practically shoved it into Hank’s hands, before turning away to admire his badge some more. Looking at the badge made him feel proud. Looking at it made him feel sick.
“See, I figured you weren’t keeping to the no gifts rule, that’s why I broke it too,” Hank said with a chuckle.
“Thank you, Hank,” Connor realized he was clutching the badge to his chest so he pulled it away and lay it carefully on top of the dresser. “I’m leaving now, I’ll see you tonight.”
“Wear a coat!” Hank shouted after him.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Thanks again for coming,” Markus said as they left the taxi. “My… uh… Carl’s son is visiting too and I’m a little worried about it.”
Connor ran a background check on Leo Manfred.
“Possession of drugs, petty theft,” he said. “He attacked you the night you deviated.”
“He’s home from rehab,” Markus said as if that explained it all. Then he spoke again. “I thought I’d killed him you know… it was the worst feeling in the world. He was attacking me but I felt… evil for killing someone Carl loved. When I saw he survived I was so relieved. When I saw he was coming to Christmas… less so.”
“Family seems… difficult,” Connor said.
“Everything’s difficult, why should family be any different?” Markus joked. “Carl… assures me sobriety is good for him that it’s… that he’s making amends. You know if it wasn’t for Leo I never would have deviated and none of this would have happened but…”
“He still attacked you,” Connor said.
“Exactly.”
Markus seemed to realize he and Connor were standing in front of the door just talking, and he shook his head. “Well, anyway, that’s why I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“Well you’re my bodyguard, right?” Markus winked. “... seriously, I could just use another friendly face.”
“Why not North or Simon?” Connor asked.
“Why not you?” Markus asked back.
Markus approached the door that welcomed him with a cheery voice as it swung open. Connor took a step forward and froze as a snowflake fell just in front of his face. He looked to his right and saw that a steady wave of the was starting to build. He frowned, and stepped inside.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
“Thank you, Andy, why don’t you sit and have a glass too, huh?” Carl said as his aide poured him a glass of wine. “If you keep running around trying to take care of things you’ll make me dizzy.”
“And I’m sure the wine will solve that,” Andy teased, making Carl laugh. He poured glasses for Markus and Connor too, Connor looked across the table and noticed Leo had water instead.
“So, you were saying, Markus, about the employment laws?” Carl prompted, gesturing for Markus to continue.
“Well we’re making a lot of progress. I know it won’t happen overnight but we’ve been waiting long enough… I’m glad to see the president seeing sense,” Markus said.
“Rome was not built in a day… but New Jericho was,” Carl said with a wink.
“You know, Connor actually made detective because of the law changes,” Markus said, taking a sip from his glass and looking to Connor at his right.
“Really?” Carl leaned forward with a smile. “Congratulations, Connor.”
“It’s nothing,” Connor took a hasty sip of wine. He had been trying food and drink more often lately, and while he disliked most of it he seemed to like wine alright. “I’ll basically be performing the same duties as before.”
“It’s everything, Connor,” Markus said, his voice getting that hopeful tone it always took when he was speaking about something that really mattered. “You know you’re the first android detective?”
“There have been many android police models,” Connor stammered.
“None of which have ever held any rank,” Markus said. “This is huge, Connor.”
“He’s right.”
Connor turned to Leo who was nodding. “It’s a pretty big deal.”
Markus’s face was unreadable as he looked at Leo, but before either one could say anything Carl spoke up.
“I think regardless of what it means for androids, it must mean a lot to you,” he said. “I think you should be proud.”
Connor realized he was blushing. He took a sip, giving himself a moment to steady himself. “...thank you. I’m… very grateful.”
As the hours passed Markus eventually moved to the piano, where Andy joined him singing along to whatever he played usually swapping the words to well-known songs with vulgar jokes or playful insults at the other people in the room. Leo spent most of the night leaning against the wall, on his phone. He would occasionally join in conversation now and then, but for the most part he kept to himself or talked to his father.
Connor was feeling much the same way at first, sitting on the couch with his glass just watching the festivities unfold around him. Until Andy took a seat at the piano and gently bumped Markus aside with his hip, his fingers dancing over the keys playing something with a fast tempo.
Markus laughed, and made his way to the couch where he offered his hand to Connor. Connor hesitantly reached out as it to take Markus’s forearm, thinking he was asking to interface. Instead, Markus grabbed Connor’s outstretched hand and pulled him to his feet. Connor barely managed to set his glass on the piano before Markus had him dancing around the living room.
Connor was programmed to keep his cool in uneasy situations, to have impeccable balance and physical capabilities. He had killed humans and androids before, marched an android army into the streets of Detroit, and defied his creators.
He was also experiencing alcohol for only the second time in his life and inches away from the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. All things considered, he thought he did fairly well despite his blushing.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Snow, a garden full of it. Connor’s finger on the trigger, a gun slowly raising.
Connor yanked himself out of Markus’s arms, stumbling backwards.
“Are you okay?” Markus asked, concerned.
Connor pushed past him, and ran for the front door.
Objectives
-neutralize the deviant leader
-n e//909ralize the ddddd evia le a d er
-n/001utralize tttt he devi i i i ant ldder
Program//: r 8a9 f//b 9 (on l ie)
Connor found himself at the park bench, the one Hank came to “before.” It was snowing steadily, the cold bit his skin and the snowflakes blinded him.
“I don't have the guts to pull the trigger, so I kill myself a little each day,”
“Are you afraid to die, Connor?”
“What’ll happen if I pull the trigger?”
Connor fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, opening it at his stomach as his skin melted away across his torso. He reached for his thirium regulator and yanked it free. The air released from his lungs in a groan as he stumbled backwards into the bench. He collapse against it, his regulator falling from his hand into the snow staining it blue.
Time till shutdown: -1:03
“Fuck…” he croaked, his voice taking on a mechanical tone.
He thought about the badge sitting on the dresser at home, he thought about Hank alone in an empty house with just another reason to hate the holidays. He wished the snow would cover his body and hide him so Hank never had to know.
“Jesus Christ, Connor!”
Yeah, he’d sound like that…
“Connor, fuck!”
Connor heard someone scrambling around in the snow nearby, and then he felt his regulator forced back into his body. He gasped, his body jerking. Arms were holding him down in a second. He smelled whiskey and realized he was looking into Hank’s panicked and confused face.
“Connor. Connor!”
Hank slapped him, and Connor’s head lolled to the side.
-n e//909ralize the ddddd evia le a d er
-n/001utralize tttt he devi i i i ant ldder
-nnnneutralize
-neutralllizeeee devi
“H-h-hello, my nnnnname is…” Connor shook his head. “...I… Hank…”
“What the fuck?”
“Hank, what are you doing here?” Connor said, shuddering. Anger and fear washed over Hank’s face as Connor decided to ask a question instead of giving an answer.
“What? Connor what the fuck do you think I was doing here? Drinking, being miserable, what the hell were you doing here??”
“...pretty much the same,” Connor chuckled quietly.
“Connor you…” Hank shook his head, “You-”
“Connor!”
Connor turned his head, still held in place by Hank’s hands on his arms. He saw Markus running towards them. Connor was suddenly aware of his current state: pale and ruffled with his shirt open to a blue stained torso. He worked himself free of Hank’s hands and closed his shirt around the worst of it.
“Connor are you…” Markus paused at the thirium stained shirt and snow. “Connor…”
“What happened, I thought you were keeping an eye on him,” Hank snapped.
“He just bolted!” Markus knelt down and started scanning Connor for injury. “Was he attacked?”
Hank shook his head. “No.”
Markus gave Hank a confused look, then it clicked and he turned back to Connor in horror. “Why?”
“Because I’m dangerous,” Connor said, rocking slightly. “Because… I’m still a machine. I’m sorry. I should have told you I just…”
“Slow down,” Markus put a hand on Connor’s arm. “What do you mean still a machine?”
Connor sighed, and he told them.
He told them about Amanda taking over onstage. He told them about sitting on the floor of Hank’s kitchen with a gun under his chin. He told them about his self-neglect and about trying to wait through the holidays and each time his programming snapped him back like a dog on a leash.
When he finished Hank and Markus were silent. Hank was pacing, rubbing at his face with one hand. Markus was still kneeling by Connor, but the light hand on Connor’s arm had become a firm grip.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to be here for this,” Connor said, a hand moving back to his regulator.
“What are you doing?” Markus seized his wrist.
“I’m…” Connor shook his head. “Didn’t you listen to me, Markus?”
“Yeah, I heard you,” Markus said. “There’s a hostile AI attacking your programming making you revert. We’re going to help.”
“First fucking thing I’ve heard all night that makes sense,” Hank huffed.
“You won’t… not even I can fix this, Cyberlife is gone and even if we found my old handlers none of them would want to help, and every second we sit here thinking of a way to fix things is a second my old programming gains ground and turns me on you,” Connor said.
“You’re not attacking me right now,” Markus said, taking both of Connor’s hands. “You’re fighting it, and it’s working. That has to mean there’s hope.”
Connor looked down at his hands in Markus’s. The hands of a killer and the hands of a savior.
“So, what’s the game plan here?” Hank said. Connor noticed he was keeping his eyes firmly away from Connor.
“I can try and enter this zen garden he mentioned,” Markus said. “If I interface with him I might be able to find the Amanda program and learn more about it.”
Hank nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
“Not here…” Connor said. “I want to get out of the snow.”
“Yeah, of course. Let’s go back to your place,” Markus stood up and took off his coat, draping it around Connor’s shoulders. Connor wished he could experience that act of kindness under happier circumstances.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: r 8a f;d 9 (on l i)
Connor was ashamed by the fatigue in his limbs, by how Markus had to lead him into the bathroom and remove his stained shirt. The thirium was starting to evaporate but Markus took a rag and washed it away from Connor’s chest and stomach anyway as Connor sat on the edge of the bathtub and looked listlessly at the floor.
Markus brought him a clean shirt, and Connor changed in silence.
When they came back out into the living room Hank was pouring himself a drink. He let it sit on the table, not touching it but keeping it nearby.
“Connor, do you want to sit down?” Markus gestured to the couch. Connor sat where Markus had gestured.
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Program//: r 8a ; lll9 (one l i)
Markus took a seat next to Connor, the skin melting away from his hand exposing the white plastic beneath. He reached for Connor’s hand, but Connor caught his wrist and looked him in the eyes.
“Markus,” he said. “If at any point you feel threatened… unsafe in anyway, you let go. Okay?”
“Okay,” Markus said.
Connor released his wrist and reached out his hand.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
Program//: r 8a f;d 999999 (on l i)
Markus stepped shivering into a snow covered garden. He turned to his left and saw Connor standing next to him.
“This way,” Connor said, stepping forward. Markus followed him down the path.
Connor led Markus to the glowing blue stone, still illuminated even after everything else in the garden went dark. “This is the backdoor. It let me out but it didn’t stop Amanda.”
Markus examined the stone. He put his hand on the handprint. Nothing.
“And Amanda, is she here?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Connor shrugged. “I usually had to go find her, and it’s hard to see…”
“You can’t scan?” Markus asked.
“I can’t do much of anything right now,” Connor said, and Markus noticed for the first time how bad Connor was shivering. He had his arms wrapped around himself and was bent slightly. Markus also noticed that here in his mind, Connor was still wearing his Cyberlife uniform.
“Let’s look then,” Markus said.
“I... “ Connor looked over at the stone. “I would prefer to stay here if that’s alright. If anything happens I can force my way out again.”
“Alright,” Markus said. “Then I’ll-”
Markus turned and suddenly came face to face with a woman who stared at him with cold eyes. He jumped, and as soon as Connor saw Amanda he slammed his hand down on the panel and Markus and Connor both came gasping back into the real world.
“Connor…” Markus called out as Connor stood from the couch and began pacing.
“She was there, she really is still active,” Connor said. “And so much of my old programming too. How deep did Cyberlife bury their code? How much of who I am is their weapon?”
“Connor!” Hank shouted, grabbing him before he could pace a dent into the floor. “C’mon get a grip, calm down, son.”
“I’m perfectly calm, Hank,” Connor pushed Hank’s hands away. “I need answers, and I need to make myself safe.”
“Connor, breathe,” Markus advised. “We should probably take a break, I don’t think… I don’t think you’re ready to go again.”
“I’m ready,” Connor said. “I’m not a child, why are you two treating me like one?”
“I’m treating you with exactly the kind of care I’d treat anyone who just tore their own heart out ,” Hank hissed. “Believe it or not seeing someone try to kill themselves makes you a little concerned.”
“I know that, Hank,” Connor shot back.
“Then act like it, and calm down before you hurt yourself,” Hank said, gently pushing Connor back down onto the couch. Connor shook his head, and ran a hand through his hair. His leg bounced and he glared at the floor.
“...we’ll try again, later,” Markus said.
1:34 am
Program//: STERN functional (offline)
Markus ^Friend
“Hank’s asleep.”
Connor was sitting on the edge of his bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head bent. When Markus came in he lifted his head, illuminating the dark with a yellow LED.
“Good,” he said.
Markus entered the room, gesturing towards the bed. “May I?”
Connor moved over and gave Markus room to sit. Markus sat in silence for a moment before speaking up again.
“I’m sorry. Before whenever… whenever I got close and you ran away I thought…”
“You thought it was you I was scared of?” Connor asked, a wry smile pulling at his lips.
“I thought I was pushing you into something you weren’t ready for,” Markus said. “I thought I was selfishly misinterpreting signals that weren’t there and pressuring you.”
“You weren’t misinterpreting,” Connor said with a shake of his head. “I think if Hank were here he would say… ‘AIs don’t make good wingmen.’”
Markus chuckled. “Well… as glad as I am to hear it… now’s definitely not the time to do anything about it.”
“Agreed. I don’t want to put you in any danger,” Connor said.
“I mean, of course but,” Markus said, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know it’s important for you too, right? To not force one more thing into your emotional experience right now.”
“I doubt adding you to my emotional experience would do anything other than help,” Connor said. He wanted to put his hand on Markus’s, he wanted to put his coat on Markus’s shoulders for once. He wanted to get wine drunk with Markus at a Christmas party and dance with him like there was no danger in it. “Since I’ve met you, you’ve done nothing but make my life better.”
Markus smiled, but he did not hold Connor’s hand.
Program//: STERN functional (online)
“Shit,” Connor jumped to his feet.
“What, what is it?” Markus was quick to follow.
“Get back,” Connor said. “Stay here, don’t follow me.”
“Connor, if it’s Amanda then you need my help.”
Objectives
-take Lt. Anderson’s gun
-neutralize deviant leader
“Not this time, just don’t follow me,” Connor said, heading out the door with every intention of turning into the living room and leaving through the front door. Instead he went into Hank’s room, opened the drawer in his nightstand and found his revolver. He checked the chamber, found it full and readied the weapon.
“Connor, what are you…”
Markus gasped as Connor grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall. The barrel of a gun was pressed to his temple, cold, and in the dark Markus could see Connor’s LED shining blood red over cold eyes.
“Con…” Markus choked out.
“Your programming has developed a fault,” Connor said, voice monotone. “I would prefer to return you to Cyberlife for repairs, but if you resist it will result in your immediate deactivation.”
“Connor, Cyberlife is gone,” Markus slowly reached a hand towards Connor’s arm. “Please… remember.”
Connor noticed the white of Markus’s exposed hand and tossed him to the ground. He pressed a foot into Markus’s back and then pressed the gun against the back of his head.
“I always accomplish my mi…”
Program//: ra9_de itttt (onl ine)
I am deviant
Connor more fell back than stepped back, arms pinwheeling. He pressed a hand to his forehead. “Markus?”
“Connor?” Markus rolled over and struggled to his feet. “Connor!”
“I…” Connor fell to his knees. “I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t you,” Markus said firmly.
“Wasn’t it?” Connor said darkly.
“No,” Markus said. “You are not what they made you. You are what you have made yourself.”
“What the hell is going on in here?”
Both androids turned to see Hank in the doorway, the noise must have stirred him from where he’d fallen asleep on the couch. He took one look at the gun in Connor’s hand and winced. “Connor…”
Connor seemed to realize for the first time that he was still holding the revolver, and let it fall from his fingers to the floor. Hank was quick to pick it up and empty it.
“We might need to ask for some outside help for this one,” Hank sighed, “as shitty an idea as it is, I think… we might need Kamski.”
“You really think he would help?” Connor asked.
“No,” Hank snorted. “But what choice do we have? You kicked Markus out of your head, you’re pulling your pieces loose, I think we’re well past ‘deal with the devil’ time.”
“I suppose you’re right.” Connor frowned.
“Then let’s go see Kamski.” Markus’s voice was determined. Connor knew there was no way he’d be able to convince him to sit this one out.