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It started with a harmless joke. They had come back from the pool early, mainly due to the inability for anybody to keep their chill when seeing their significant other in a swim suit but that’s beside the point. The point was that Roman and Patton had thought it would be a hilarious idea to switch out their boyfriends’ clothes with their clothes. And it was, the Sarcastic Bros came stomping out of the dressing room in a huff, flushed pink and fidgeting uncomfortably in the royal garments. They couldn’t stay mad at them for long though since Roman and Patton decided to switch wardrobes too and seeing their respected princes in THEIR clothing made them feel…very flustered.
“Aww, you look so cute,” Patton cooed, taking Logan’s face in his hands and kissing his nose “pink really does suit you.”
Logan flushed a deep scarlet, “Ehem, y-yes, well, you look…exquisite as well.”
“Yes, a little frumpy but I think you pull off my look splendidly, Verge.” Roman chuckled as Virgil tried to keep his grumpy demeaner. “Oh, come on, darling, it’s not that bad.”
“Easy for you to say.” Virgil kept his arms crossed and back turned because he knew he’d eventually break if he even glanced at the prince.
“Oh, Virgil love,” Roman cooed, wrapping his arms around the younger plumber’s waist “I was only teasing, beside I couldn’t resist. I just knew you’d look sooo cute in my clothes.”
Virgil grumbled in response, still not bothering to turn around but Roman could tell by the scarlet tips of his ears that the prince was getting to him. He smiled mischievously and nuzzled into the gloomy plumber’s neck, “Viiiirrrrrggggiiiillll, please forgive me~”
Virgil squeaked as he felt a trail of kisses climbing up his neck before Roman squished their cheeks together, “I promise to never do it again, my little storm cloud.”
Patton and Logan had been awkwardly watching the scene unfold before Logan decided he had enough of the couple’s flirting and suggested they should start making lunch. Patton was quick to agree and suggested they split up to get things ready quicker. With that agreed upon Patton made quick work of yanking Roman off a very flustered Virgil while Logan dragged his brother to the direction of the courtyard. Roman whined childishly as Patton continued to drag him by the hood of Virgil’s sweater all the way to the kitchen.
They had been gone maybe all of twenty minutes, it was just some simple tea and sandwiches, but by the time the two princes made it to the court yard all the Talyns and Thomases were in a state of panic. Though this time it was more intense than usual because this time it wasn’t one of their princes who got kidnapped but-
“The heroes, Logan and Virgil, have been kidnapped by Bowceit!” A frazzled Talyn cried out.
“Excuse me?” Roman questioned, because surely, he wasn’t hearing that right. Logan and Virgil Sarcastic DON’T get kidnapped, they’re the ones that do the rescuing. The closes those two have ever gotten to getting “kidnapped” is that one time they all got sucked into space. Though that was more them being stranded and lost and having no other choice but to help fix Remy’s broken-down ship.
“Logan and Virgil have been kidnapped by Bowceit!” A Thomas helpfully repeated in an equally frantic manner.
“B-but that can’t be possible,” Patton said worriedly “they would have easily been able to escape and why in the world would Bowceit want to kidnap them?”
“I’m not sure,” the Talyn replied “but he was able to catch us by surprise with a smoke bomb full of knock-out gas. When we woke up the place was a mess and the Sarcastic Bros were missing!”
“Goodness gracious!” Patton gasped in shock, eyes filling with frighten tears “Roman, we have to go save them!”
Roman nodded, a determined fire in his eyes, “Right you are Patton. Come on, I know a short cut to that wretched snakes castle!”
---
“Okay, so, I didn’t really plan for this to happen,” Bowceit admitted to the two chained up plumbers. They glared at him with a face that said “yeah, no shit”.
Honestly, Bowceit just thought today would be another run of the mill kidnapping made easy with a cool new knock-out bomb one of his Boopalings made him. And for the most part it was, until he got home and realized he kidnapped the wrong people. Lucky for him the Sarcastic Bros were still knocked out which gave Bowceit plenty of time to lock them up in as many strong chains he could find. Despite everyone’s beliefs Bowceit was no fool, he knew for sure that as soon as the brothers woke up, they’d try to kick is ass. He was right by the way, but thankfully these chains were extra durable.
“Look, in my defense, from a distance, you guys really do look similar,” Bowceit continued “and another thing: what are you guys doing in the princes’ clothes?”
“None of your business!” Virgil growled, though the light blush on his cheeks made him a bit less intimidating “So if you could stop asking questions and let us go now, we won’t kick your ass as hard!”
“Indeed.” Logan glowered.
“Mmh, no can do,” Bowceit shrugged “it doesn’t really matter to me if you’re a prince or not. I’m not too picky in who I marry, though I’ll admit I’d prefer someone less…sarcastic and bitter. Still, beggars can’t be choosers, so unless your princes in distress decide to come and rescue you, which is highly unlikely, I suggest you two decide which one of you is getting married to me. I’ll at least give you that curtesy.”
“I’ll show you curtesy.” Logan grumbled as he began to stand only to have his knees buckle and head spin until he collapsed back on the floor.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Bowceit informed offhandedly “the effects of the knock out gas is still in your system so you’ll be weak for a couple…hours, days? Who knows, but what I do know is that you should probably take it easy for a bit.”
“If you knew we’d be in such a weakened state why’d you chain us up?” Logan groaned as Virgil helped him sit up “Isn’t this a bit…extra?”
“Hey, I didn’t know how it would have affected you two!” Bowceit said honestly “For all I knew you guys could be immune! I was not going to take any chances! I’m not stupid!”
“Debatable.” Virgil quipped.
Bowceit huffed, “This is what I get for showing you guys good hospitality?”
Virgil violently rattled the chins on his wrist, “This is good hospitality?!”
“If this is ‘good hospitality’ for you then I don’t want to know what your definition of ‘bad hospitality’ is.” Logan said dryly.
---
Roman and Patton felt…different. They weren’t sure why, no, lie, they knew exactly why but they weren’t sure how. Like, Roman knew he was a pretty athletic, after all he’s been training since the age of six, but Patton? Not to say he was weak or unfit but this was just some next level stuff for both of them!
“How are we running so fast for so long?” Roman exclaimed in mild panic. They had been running through the desert for two hours now, WITHOUT once stopping for a break and yet they were only mildly tired.
“I’m not sure,” Patton said, equally worried as he super jumped over a red shell turtle and punted the shell into a cluster of charging goombas “I’m still in shock that Logan and Virgil are able to do all of this almost every week!”
“No wonder they’re always so hungry!” Roman concluded as he grabbed a nearby fire flower before tossing a few fire balls suspected enemies ahead of them. “My poor little storm cloud must work himself to exhaustion!”
---
“So, I already know Patton and Roman’s preference when it comes to color scheme but I doubt you’d guys have the same taste,” Bowceit rambled on as he and the Danger Noodles sorted through various wedding themes and samples “White is very traditional but I wouldn’t mind if either of you would want to add a darker accent. What do you think?”
The brothers sad miserably in their cages glaring daggers at the lizard man before them until finally Logan had enough. He growled, “What the hell is the point of this? We’re not marrying you!”
Bowceit chuckled, not looking up from the cake catalog he was reading, “Funny you think either of you have a choice in this. But anyways, I was thinking if Logan decides to marry me then we can have vanilla cake with blueberry filling and if Virgil decides to marry me, we’ll have chocolate with strawberry filling. Though if you want something different feel free to add on.”
“Is this the bullshit Roman and Patton have to deal with when their trapped with you?” Virgil groaned.
“Yes,” Bowceit huffed haughtily “but unlike you two they’re at least more cooperative and by this point we already have our color scheme and decorations down. While you two can’t even decide on the appetizers!”
Logan flopped onto his back, throwing his hands over his face dramatically, “Virgil, next time Patton or Roman get kidnapped we’re booking it! We’re booking it so fasted! We’ve been here for only two hours and I already want to end myself!”
“Oh, don’t be dramatic,” Bowceit said waving around a few color pallets “now can we please focus back at the task at hand? We only have a few hours to plan this wedding and I don’t want to be having to do everything at the last minute.”
More groans were heard in response.
---
“We are making them the biggest gosh darn cake ever when we get back home!” Patton declared as they vigorously swam across the ocean. They were UNDER WATER fighting off see monsters! They hadn’t come up for air in HOURS!
“Screw the cake!” Roman exclaimed as he dodged another cheep cheep causing him to nearly run into a spiky puff fish “We need to make them a hecking banquet! Feast fit for kings! Nothing but the best for our poor, hardworking, boys!”
“I’ll never complain for being kidnapped again! I’ll never complain for being kidnapped again!” Patton chanted mournfully as he kicked his feet even faster when a swarm of cheep cheep began chasing them.
“What the hell even are these things?!” Roman shrieked, grabbing Patton’s hand and swimming as fast and as hard as he could.
“Logi Bear, I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this just to save me!” Patton cried.
“You can cry over this later, right now you need to swim faster Patton!” Roman demanded.
---
“There no window! There no exits! And even if there were they’d all be enchanted or blocked!” Virgil was pacing the room nervously. The effects of the knock-out gas had finally gotten out of their system but they were still chained up in the dungeon with no way of escaping. There were guards at every corner, all the exits were locked, and there were booby traps everywhere!
“How does Roman manage to get himself out of these situations all on his own?!” Virgil exclaimed worriedly “There’s two of us and we’ve been stuck here for hours!”
“I’m not completely sure,” Logan sighed, rubbing his arms for some sort of warmth against the freezing dungeon air “but I just worry imagining Patton down here by himself. He’s so social, I don’t know how long he could last by being isolated for so long. Especially in a place like this.”
“You wanna talk about social? Roman has people admiring him every ten minutes! I don’t know how he can stand being cooped up in here by himself for so long! I have you and I’m still freaking out!” Virgil moaned, foot steps becoming heavier as he pulled at the ends of his hair.
Logan had quickly gotten up to stop his brother’s pacing, placing gentle hands on his shoulders and giving him an easy smile, “Breath Virgil, we’ll get out of here soon. I’m sure Roman and Patton are on their way.”
“And if they don’t make it?” Virgil asked meekly, voice tight and full of a certain type of fear he wasn’t use to.
Logan didn’t know if it was due to the stress of the situation at hand or an overwhelming brotherly instinct that couldn’t stand to see Virgil like this, either way his heart broke for his brother. And in doing so Logan pulled him in for a tight hug which was stiff and awkward at first but soon melted into something warm and soothing. It was the most relaxed the two of them have ever been during their time trapped here.
---
King Bowceit’s castle loomed overhead in the middle of a lava lake with dark storm clouds swirling above it. Patton and Roman looked on from a safe distance, trying to scan for a secure entrance point. They were beaten, burned, and bruised, tiered beyond believe yet they willed themselves to keep going. At first, they were hopeful that the brothers would have escaped on their own but after venturing through three worlds with no sight of them they began to worry. What had Bowceit done to them? Were they okay? Were they too late?
“If anything has happened to my Dark and Stormy Knight, I am going to rip this castle apart along with Bowceit!” Roman growled, thoroughly done with just about everything in life. He just wanted his Virgil back, safe and sound in his arms.
“I’m right behind you.” Patton nodded solemnly, the frustration of it all finally making way for righteous fury. He was tired and grouchy and missed Logan’s hugs and kisses, he just wanted to go home already.
Roman plucked a nearby ice flower, letting the cool sensation overtake his over heated body but not quiet the flame in his heart. He turned to Patton with determination in his eyes, “Ready?”
Patton fished out a fire flower he had saved early on, letting it absorbed into his hand before conjuring up a fire ball, “Absolutely.”
---
Despite the situation they were in the wedding did look beautiful, or as beautiful as it could be in a stone castle surrounded by lava. The moment had finally come and of course Logan put himself in the metaphorical line of fire and volunteered to marry Bowceit, much to Virgil’s protest. Bowceit was ecstatic by the brothers’ cooperation but of course one could never be too careful around these two.
“Minions, escort my groom up to the tower to change and make sure his brother is locked some place secure.” Bowceit ordered.
“Excuse me,” Logan growled, stepping in front of Virgil protectively and backing them against a wall “what do you mean locking him some place secure? He’s coming with me!”
“Mmh, so terribly sorry my dear but I can’t have you two conspiring against me on our Big Day,” Bowceit grinned, maliciously “besides you’ll see him at the wedding, don’t worry.”
“No chance in hell am I leaving Logan alone with you!” Virgil spoke up from behind his brother, though his hands shook as he clutched on to the back of Logan’s (Patton’s) shirt.
“How many times must I tell you two?” Bowceit chuckled cruelly, snapping his fingers to get his minions attention “You don’t have a choice in the matter.”
The brothers held tight to each other but it was all for not, the chains were heavy and the koopas sent to separate them were much stronger than them. Still, they held on for as long as they could until it was only their fingertips clutching on to each other for dear life. This was the last straw for the brothers, kidnapped by knock-out gas, stressed about a wedding they thought would never happen, bound in a small, dark, cold dungeon for hours with no one but each other for company only to be separated at the end of it. It broke them.
“Please, don’t take my brother away!” Virgil begged, hot tears began to form at the corners of his eyes as his grip on Logan’s hands began slipping. “He’s all I have left!”
Logan felt as Virgil started to shake violently, the signs of a strong panic attack beginning to form. They were going to leave Virgil all alone with no one to comfort him, Logan couldn’t be there to help him through his attack. “Wait! Wait, please!”
But their cries fell on deaf ears as they were successfully pulled away from each other and carried to opposite sides of the castle. They struggled, kicked, and screamed but it was no use.
“Logan!” Virgil cried, arms outstretched as if he still had hopes of reaching his brother.
“Wait, please! He’ll be all alone!” Logan begged, desperately struggling to get out of the koopa’s grip “I can’t leave him alone! Virgil!”
---
Patton and Roman rushed through the levels as fast as they could, sparing no skeleton or ghost in their wake. It was reckless and dangerous but it was the fastest way to get to their beloveds. At one point they became so destructive and aggressive that enemies just started moving out of the way. They had dealt with Roman escaping and fighting them numerous times but it had always felt like some sort of game. And Patton was usually so timid and sweet, always trying to resolve things without violence. This…this was something else. The princes were livid and they were laser focused on one mission: rescue Logan and Virgil.
---
The wedding march began as Logan walked down the aisle in a beautifully tailored white suite. He looked up towards the ceiling near the alter where Virgil was trapped in a bird cage like structure dangling over a pit of lave. He had been stuffed into a black bride’s maid dress with a garland of flowers to match on his head. Virgil looked to be so shaken in terror that Logan swore he could hear the chains binding him rattling while the gag around his mouth seemed to almost be chewed through. A heavy lump caught in Logan’s throat as he forced himself to look back down where his husband to be was waiting for him, smiling ever so gleefully.
---
The Boopalings had been waiting near the entrance to the church, ready to hold off the princes for as long as they could. But one terrifying look from Roman and Patton told them that they should leave while they could. So, they did, all except for Bowceit Jr. who was determined not to let anyone ruin his dad’s wedding day. They were so close and he just needed to buy his dad a little more time is all. But that all changed when Patton came marching straight for him, the fury of a thousand suns burning in his eyes. The little snake Patton would ever hurt him but that didn’t cause him to shrunk down any less as the normally peppy prince growled, “Where. Is. Bowceit!”
---
Finally, the Magikoopa was nearing the end of the ceremony, “If anybody objects to this holy matrimony speak up now or forever hold your peace!”
The door was then kicked off it’s hinges, “We fucking object!”
The audience looked back in shock to find Roman with his sword aloft and ice spreading beneath his feet, and Patton with a fiery storm of destruction left in his wake. They looked absolutely terrifying and Bowceit was half tempted to just drop everything and run before remembering who they were.
He sneered, “It’s too late to grovel back now! Now if you excuse me, I have a wedding to-”
Shards of icicles were thrown and Bowceit barely had time to dodge them all before being backed up against a nearby pillar. A wall of fire surrounded the entrances his koopa men usually came in through when attacks such as this would happen. Now he was left alone with them, his Magikoopa having either flown off or been taken down by one of them but even if he hadn’t Bowceit was still screwed.
“How dare you,” Roman hissed lowly, pulling Bowceit up by the scruff of his suit “how dare you kidnap the loves of our lives and think you can get away with it unscathed!”
“T-to be fair, I was going to kidnap you but-” Bowceit was cut off from his nervous rambling by being judo flipped so hard he was embedded into the floor. And just when he thought he could fake being knocked out he was lifted up once more, this time by Patton. He began to spin them around and around, faster and faster, and just when Bowceit thought he was going to be sick Patton let go, causing him to crash through several walls and fly far across the land.
---
“Patton? Roman?” A voice asked somewhat meekly. The heavy breathing and tenseness in the princes is shoulders seem to dissipate just a small bit as they turned to see Logan looking at them with concerned eyes. The magic of the fire flower fizzled out and Patton’s bottom lip wiggled as tears began to spill from his eyes as rushed forward to embrace his love, “Logan!”
Logan relished in the contact, never truly knowing how much he missed Patton’s hugs. But the happiness was short lived as Logan remembered that Virgil was still trapped. He tried to remove himself from Patton’s iron grip, “P-Patton wait, Virgil is-”
“Virgil!” Roman called out as he made a spiral staircase of ice leading up towards the bird cage. Virgil’s eyes widen at the sound of Roman’s voice finally snapping him out of his panicked state before tears of relief spilled down his cheeks at the sight of him appearing in front of his prison. Roman’s heart stopped at sight of his beloved bound and trembling in fear so he made quick work of the lock by slashing it in half with his sword. The prince threw the door open and crouched inside to remove the chains and gag before gently cupping Virgil’s tear stained face.
“Oh, my poor little storm cloud, what did that monster do to you?” Roman whispered mournfully as his own eyes started to water.
“J-just get me down from here…please.” Virgil choked and so the prince obeyed him. Gently cradling his love in his arms as the ice magic slowly disappeared from Roman’s body once the reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Virgil!” Logan ripped himself out of Patton’s embrace racing to meet Virgil who in turn leapt out of Roman’s arms at the same moment. The princes watch happily as the two brothers held tightly to each other, shaking in both relief and lingering fear. Ever the doting brother Logan leaned back to inspect Virgil’s teary face, “You’re okay, right? Th-they didn’t hurt you?”
Virgil nodded, furiously trying to wipe the seemingly never-ending stream of tears from his face, “Y-yeah, yeah, I’m fine. And you?”
Sighing in relief, Logan pressed Virgil against the crook of his neck once more, “I am now.”
It was odd seeing the brothers so affectionate but given the day they all just had it was to be expected. And as much as the princes wanted to hold and shower their beloveds in affection, they knew that Virgil and Logan were brothers first and foremost, so they took priority. Either way, they didn’t mind waiting, their plumbers were safe now and that’s all that mattered.
---
After a few more tears and hugs and kisses, Patton and Roman insisted carrying the brothers all the way back home just like they had done to them in the past. It was only fair since they were the ones that did the saving this time. Reluctantly they agreed and the quartet made their way back to Patton’s castle where the Talynses and Thomases awaited them with food and clean clothes. Roman sent word back to his kingdom that he was fine and had helped rescue the Sarcastic bros but that he’d be staying in Patton’s kingdom for a few days. Patton and Roman didn’t want to leave the brothers’ side just yet and Logan and Virgil still refused to separate so it was compromised with a sleepover.
So, they now lay on Patton’s large bed, the brothers in the middle, pressed back to back, as they cuddled their respected princes. Logan engulfed Patton in his embrace as the prince curled himself in, nuzzling under his lover’s chin. Virgil half laid on top of Roman, hands clutching onto the fabric of the prince’s night shirt, while he listened to his heart beat as nimble fingers wove through his hair.
“We never knew how psychologically draining being kidnapped by Bowceit was.” Logan said after a long stretch of silence.
“We never knew how much work and strain you two go through in trying to save us.” Roman replied.
“Well, it’s mostly me they save,” Patton added guiltily “Roman can at least hold his own but me…I’m sorry I’m so much trouble.”
“Don’t be love.” Logan soothed, kissing the top of his prince’s head.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it Pat,” Virgil chimed in, he had finally stopped shaking and was able to speak without stuttering too much “it’s not your fault you get kidnapped on the weekly. It’s that psycho lizard.”
“Indeed.” Roman agreed, venom in every syllable.
“I guess so,” Patton sighed, though he was still a bit unsure “though I wish I could do a bit more to make you’re jobs a bit easier.”
“And I wish I could do more to make sure you won’t get kidnapped as much,” Logan admitted “I have a few ideas but maybe we should talk about it in more detail later.”
“Yeah, later.” Virgil murmured, rubbing his cheek against Roman’s chest, much like how a cat would do.
“Yes, much later,” Roman added on as he dimed the lights though not completely turning them off “maybe after breakfast and a good long day of rest.” He leaned his face down to kiss the top of Virgil’s head, “Goodnight my little storm cloud.”
Virgil snuggled closer in response, “Night Ro.”
“Goodnight Logi Bear,” Patton whispered softly “I love you so much.”
“Goodnight my love,” Logan replied, holding on much tighter “I love you too.”