Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Oh mis believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind, is like snow on the road

....................... 

Cutler was driving over the rainy road. He could barely see a thing and the rain had washed away what little snow had fallen this year. It was depressing. There were no other cars on the road and with the lack of light it just seemed like one big cloud of ice cold grey. He didn't care through. He just had to get out of the house. 

It was just too sad to be spending another Christmas alone. Cutler hadn't even put up a tree, there was no use for it.

His plan had been to go to another city and get drunk. At least then he could say he'd actually done something this year. It would be a good way to avoid all those awkward questions he would be getting back at work.

What was he gonna say? Oh yeah no I just spend another christmas alone in my apartment because I don't have any friends or family or anyone...

He didn't have anyone. 

Cutler's heart stopped when he heard a weird noice coming from the motor. Oh please no, please no, please-

But he didn't get any mercy. 

His car started to slow down and smoke came from the hood, great just... great. 

He parked aside from the road and stepped out of the car. When he opened the hood to see if he could fix the problem he was greated by a big cloud of smoke. 

He gave up after half an hour of trying to get the car working again. Just when he thought things couldn't be getting any worse it had appeared that his phone battery had died. So much for calling a cab.

He looked futhter down the road and growned knowing that he was going to have to walk through the poring rain. 

......... 

The world around Beck was spinning. Now he was pretty sober in his mind, it was just his body. Beck was pretty sure that if he were to try and stand up he'd fall down. But he could think clearly... Sorta. 

That was also the problem. He'd gone out of his way to find a bar far enough from the city, far enough from him, to get drunk and forget all of the world around him. And well here he was, sober except for his useless body. 

Beck wanted to take another sip from his beer when a hand was put down on bar. The hand was close to him and he didn't like it. 

"If you wanted to get drunk, you could have called me." a familiar voice said.

Beck was sober for the second in wich the realization of to who the voice belonged hit him. 

"Just leave me alone," Beck said as he turned around and looked into those black eyes. God he hated this.

"Is that why you came here?"

"I came here for me. Now leave me alone, go be an asshole somewhere else." Beck tried to be braver than he felt. He knew that he was incapeble of putting up a fight with the man. He couldn't even walk straight.

Cyrus moved closer to Beck and put an arm around the boy's waist.

"Beck please I told you was sorry. Sure you don't want to spend Christmas alone."

Alone, well he hadn't had to be alone if it weren't for this man. 

"No, let go," Beck said as he tried to get out of Cyrus's grip.

The man wasn't having any of it and held the boy in his place. 

"Beck just talk to me," 

"No"

"Beck come on," the man said as he took a stronger hold of the boy. "let's just get to some place we can talk alone huh? Just you and me."

Despite Beck's weak state he tried to struggle. How could the man have found him? He'd already had shown up at his apartment and work. Luckily Able had treated to call the cops if he didn't leave. Able was like a father to him but sadly he had a family too. His friends, or rather former friends didn't speak to him anymore. They had left him, it broke him.

........ 

When Cutler came into the bar he was nearly soaked. He was wet and angry. His mood didn't brighten up when he heard that there wasn't any chance of getting help untill tomorrow morning.

Great, fucking great. Now he was going to have to walk back to his car in the poring rain and sleep there. 

The man ordered a beer. If he was going to have a shitty night he'd might as well have a drunk one.

When he was about half a glass in he overheard a conversation from a few seats over. 

"No, let go."

"Beck just talk to me."

When he looked up to see who the hell had chosen to not understand the meaning of the word no he saw a man holding a drunken boy. 

A gorgeous boy. 

The young beauty had long brown hair and soft welcoming eyes to match. His skin looked like satin and he wanted to bite down on it. The young boy's cheeks where red but he couldn't tell if that was the alcohol or not.

He was being held by an asshole with a short mohock. The man was covered in tattoos and he was holding a strong grip on the boy.

Cutler didn't have to think twice. 

.......... 

Beck tried to get lose but the man wasn't giving in.

But Beck was free again within a second. His head was spinning and the struggling hadn't done much good but he did his best to look up and make sence out of the situation. He saw a strong dark colored man standing between him and Cyrus. His clothes were wet and he was at the very least two heads bigger than him, one head bigger than Cyrus. 

"He said no," the stranger spoke.

Cyrus looked up and down the man. Beck knew that look. Cyrus was calculating if he could and was going to take the man. Seeing if it was worth it. Cyrus trained a lot and sure could fight, but the man that was standing between them didn't look weak either.

"No you don't get it," the man shook his head. "We know each other. Believe me i would never hurt him."

Well that was a fucking lie. 

"Don't care. He said no so it is no," the absolute hero between them wasn't giving in.

"Look this is none of you business. I don't know who you think you are but-"

"No you fucking look. I just walked half a mile through the fucking rain and am not very happy about that. What makes me even more unhappy is people not knowing what the word no means. So you either leave, or I'll make you leave," the man said as he crossed his arms.

Cyrus was looking at the man with venom in his eyes. Beck looked away. Even if those eyes weren't looking at him that way, he'd just grown such a disgust for that look. 

Cyrus narrowed his eyes before walking off. 

Cutler smiled pleased and turned around. "Hey are you alright?"   

The boy's eyes were filled with this soft light and he smiled gently.

"Yes," he replied in a drunken slur.

The man in front of him was hot. Beck didn't want to go around it. He was drunk so he had every right to call the man in front of him hot. He looked so handsome with a strong build face and man he was tall. 

He'd stopped loving Cyrus long ago. He wasn't scared to move on... sort off.

Just a one night stand. That way Cyrus wasn't able to scare them away and they couldn't hurt him down the line if they just disappeared after one night. 

This man looked like a good night. 

"Thanks for that," Beck said with a soft smile.

God this boy was just adorable. "No problem, just don't like it when people don't know the word 'no'"

There was a moment fo silence between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable. They were looking at each other and both tried to find a way to welcome them. 

"You here alone?" Beck asked.

"Pretty much,"

Beck leaned back and almost lost his balance. "Want to drink together?"

Cutler let out a laugh. "Hadn't had enough huh?"

Beck smiled as the man sat down in the chair next to him. "Nope," he replayed happily as he bit his botten lip.

"So, may I know the name of my hero?" 

"I'm Cutler," 

The boy softly smiled. "Beck." 

Just one more drink in and the alcohol had all at once hit his mind.

Beck was obviously flirting with Cutler but the man knew it was most likely the alcohol speaking. He couldn't have a one night stand with the boy, as it seemed to be what the kid was aming for. Beck was drunk and couldn't fully consent.

"Y-you... are so handsome," Beck said as he leaned forward and hugged Cutler.

The man took the boy in his arm and laughed. Beck was quite hilarious when drunk but sadly th night was getting very late. Or rather the morning quite late. 

He knew he'd had to be going but at least he'd met Beck. That had been fun. He was definitely going to get Beck's number before making the long way back to his car.

When he stood up he could feel a pair of eyes following him. 

He didn't have to look around to room to find them. Just a quick look to his far right and he could already see him.

The man from earlier was sitting in a booth at the other end of the bar. He hadn't left, he was just waiting for Cutler to leave Beck alone again.

Cutler's face dropped the second their eyes met.

This stalker was just waiting for Beck to be alone again so that he could pick up where he had left off. 

Cutler looked back at Beck. Shit. The young boy had fallen asleep on the bar. The man tried to shake him awake but nothing happened. He tried to take out Beck's phone so he could call someone to go and pick the boy up. Great his phone had died.

Well at least they had another thing in commen. Aside from liking bad horror movies and bikes.

The man sighted. This night just went from bad to good to bad. He couldn't leave Beck alone. He was young and Cutler didn't trust the other man.

He had an idea, the worst idea.

......... 

Beck woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. Fuck fuck fuck hurt hurt. He tried to open his eyes but the light hit him.

Hangover

He shouldn't have been drinking that much. Beck buried his face deeper in the man's chest.

Wait,

Why was he buried into someone's chest? He was still wearing his clothes exept for what felt like his shoes and jacket. There was a inchy blanket over him and he was cuddelted into the man next to him. The boy shot up and regretted it instantly.

His head was hurting but he didn't really care. Here in the world was he? He looked down to see a man laying on... what? He looked around to see that he was inside a car on the side of the road. The backseats had been fladded to make room for the two to sleep on.

"Who the hell are you?" Beck tried to focus, he really did. But he was hangover and scared and where the fuck was he?

"Beck? It's me... Cutler."

The man sat up. "Are you alright?"

Beck started to slowly and painfully remember last night. Drink, Cyrus, Cutler, drink. 

He must have passed out. "Where am I?"

"My car," Cutler spoke. "You were passed out and your phone dead, didn't want to leave you in the bar so I took you with me."

Wouldn't be like anyone would really have picked up if his phone hadn't been dead. 

"Oh, wait... then why are we in a car?"

Cutler sighted. It wasn't like he wasn't just a little hangover himself. He'd taken more than just one drink after meeting Beck. "Broke down, wend to the bar to get it fixed but-"

"oh I know the rest," Beck interrupted. "This part of the aria is dead beat. So I guess you didn't find help."

Beck laid down next to Cutler and closed his eyes. There was no need for that extra pain. 

"Are you familiar with he whole town?"

Beck let out a laugh. "yhea, I'm a local."

"You don't just so happen to know a way I can get my car fixed, do you?"

"Well you can forget calling for help honestly. No one is going to react unless you want it to come from another city... but I can help you, if you want."

Cutler turned to face Beck who didn't open his eyes. "You know someone?"

"Am someone, maganic." the boy stated. "I'll help you for one thing in return."

Cutler smirked. "And that would be?" he knew very well that Beck was very hungover. 

"Another fucking hour of sleep," Beck growned and Cutler had to keep back his laugh.

Chapter Text

I gotta tell you, I love you 

But puff on your ears, bring me to tears

......................... 

Beck had taken out the toolbox from the back of the car and was trying to find a way to get it going again.

Cutler was standing by the side looking over Beck's work. Both their clothes were still slightly damp and while there was no snow, it was definitely below zero.

He was drinking from the water bottles he'd taken with him on the trip and Beck had already drank quite a few of them. He was desperate to find a way to get out of the hangover but he couldn't really say that it was helping much.

"You've been a mechanic for long?" Cutler asked. Beck seemed to know quite well what he was doing. Talented boy, even with a hangover.

"All my life," Beck answered. "Since I was little I liked cars and bikes and how they worked, it was interesting to see."

The boy tried to unscrew something and Cutler just really hoped that he didn't hurt himself. When he had tried to do something similar like that yesterday his hand almost got stuck in the engine.

"I liked to fix my bike on my own when I was little. Always refused to let it be done for me. It was half interest half pride to do it on my own wich always led to me having to walk at least for a few days more than would have been necessary if I'd just got it fixed by someone else."

Cutler smiled. It was funny to think of a little young Beck that was trying to fix his own bike. Seemed like the kid had just been adorable throughout his whole life. 

"That's adorable," Cutler said, his breath was visible in the cold air.

"Wasn't."

"Oh no, definitely was."

Beck turned to give a sarcastic look but instead only smiled. Maybe these weren't the most practical circumstances for a conversation but it was nice. He kinna craved some human contact these days.

"Bet that whatever you were obsessed with as a kid was just as adorable," Beck said in a sarcastic tone.

Cutler's smile widened. It was good to see that the kid was able to joke around after last night. Most people didn't exactly react well to meeting with a creep like that but, that probably meant something much worse. 

"Depends, is the millerairy cute enough for you?" 

Beck's face dropped. "You were a soldier?"

Cutler took off his jacked and showed a tattoo. Beck knew about those. Sometimes special groups of forces would get a tattoo together to strengthen the bond. However it was more commen by soldier who came back from war. They would take it as a memory for themselfs for what they fought for and to remind themselfs that they survived. The location on the arm was traditional for placement.

"oh.. I- thank you for your service." Beck cheeks flushed.

Adorable. 

"Thank your for yours," Cutler said as he nodded down to the car.

Beck didn't mention his own father being in service right now. It was a sad story and it wouldn't fit the Christmas mood. Beck didn't want to trouble the man with brining it up. 

"This is just for last night. Thank you for helping me with that," he said as he turned back to the car.

But turning away hadn't hidden the intense drop of the kids face. 

"I know this might not be my aria... but you know him, don't you?"

Beck's shoulders dropped. "What? Really want to hear my sad sob story?"

"I'll tell you mine in return," Cutler suggested.

A small smile flicked across Beck's face. Cutler liked that, he wanted to see Beck smile more. 

Beck turned to face Cutler again, "Guess it. Must be kind of obvious for someone who had training in human behavior."

"How do you know sertain part the millerairy require human behavior studies?"

"Wrong, not the story. In fact you're way off."

Cutler rolled his eyes at Beck's sarcasm.

"I'm guessing old ex. You two broke up because he was an asshole, wich was what he was trying to apologize for, but you aren't stupid so you said no."

Beck sighted. "You're wrong about the last part but so far so good."

Cutler raised an eyebrow. "And the rest?"

Beck looked back at the man with a smile. "Maybe the next time I'm drunk I'll tell you all about it."

"I'd like that," Cutler let said while giving Beck a soft smile.

"What? Me drunk or the sob story?"

"Getting to see you again," Cutler corrected.

Beck bit his bottom lip. Oh. 

A soft blush made its way furter up Beck's cheeks. "Leave the flirting for the alcohol."

Cutler laughed. "Oh but as I remember I was so handsome." 

"Objection, I was drunk," Beck laughed. 

"Objection, I am handsome," Cutler protested with a smile on his face. 

"I remember drunk."

"i remember handsome." 

It took Beck a full 2 and a half hours to fix the problem as much as he could.

He leaned back and closed the hood. Both of them where nearly frozen in place. "This is the best I can do right now. You'll still have to take it to a garage though."

"I will..." Cutler looked at Beck and then down the road. "How did you actually get to the bar?"

Beck sighted and streached. "I got a cab. Wasn't really planning on driving myself since I wanted to get drunk."

"Then allow me to give you a ride home." Cutler opened the door to the passenger seat and Beck got in. At least the car was a little bit warmer than outside.

"It's best if you just ride towards the nearest garage. There is no telling when this thing is going to give out again," Beck said with a soft smile.

Cutler got into the car and nodded. "Well you better stay with me then."

Beck raised and eyebrow and Cutler started the car. Luckily it started and as soon as they had taken off Cutler immediately turned up the heat.

"Don't want them to charge you more than necessary?" the younger boy mocked.

"Now you just read my mind," Cutler said as he gave Beck a warm smile. Beck smiled back.

Maybe passing out had been a good thing. At least now he met someone more interesting than the Ben and Jerry's in his refrigerator to talk to.

Once they arrived to the nearest garage it was already 4 o'clock in the afternoon. They could thank the hangover for a great part of that. Sadly it wasn't Able's garage. That one was located way over to the other side of town. It took the men that worked there around half an hour to state the problem. State, not find. Beck had already addressed the problem in the beginning but the men had gone through the entire car anyway to maybe find something else that could be wrong with it. Cutler didn't have any idea what they were talking about but he was glad that Beck was by his side. The men had eventually given up on trying to charge him more then necessary.

Another half hour passed and the car was parked and read to be fixed. However not without any trouble. Apearently he wasn't the only one who had car trouble this time of day and there were others before him.

Looks like he needed to find a place to sleep for the next couple of days. At least a place till late on Christmas eve, then he'd be good.

Monday... Christmas eve.

Cutler hadn't planned on staying for that long but whatever, wasn't like he had anything to do.

The man walked over to Beck who was standing outside waiting for him. The boy was looking sadly at his phone that he'd been able to charge inside. Beck was probably getting an Uber.

"You don't just so happened to know a hotel around here, do you?"

Beck looked up to Cutler with a soft smile but shook his head. "I'm sorry but we don't really have any hotels in this city. No one ever comes here so there is no need for any."

Beck looked down at the ground. He did get Cyrus off of him so why not? He's nice...

"You know," Beck began. "You can stay with me if you want. I'm not doing anything anyway and you'll be closer to your car once it's fixed so you don't have to pay for a cab."

Cutler smiled. He'd like it very much to be spending the night at Beck's place.

"Oh, I'd like that that very much."

After some time they arrived at a big Grey apartment building. Beck paid for the cab even though Cutler insisted to be the one paying for it. When the car drove off it started to rain again. Cutler had his black gym bag over his shoulder. It contained everything he had packed for the trip and everything that he thought could be necessary.

He hadn't really intended on spending the night at a strangers house. But then again he couldn't complain. Beck was right now neither a stranger nor bad company. He was sweet and adorable.

Beck opened the main door to the building. "It's for security," he explained.

Cutler followed him up the stairs and through the hallway. It was poorly lid and he guessed that from what he had seen this wasn't exactly the better or saver part of the City.

Not a place to be when night would fall. Beck opened the door and both got inside. It was a small apartment and there wasn't exactly much furniture. Sure the basics where there, but no pictures or plants or anything that really made a house a home.

Cutler didn't miss out oh the large amount of locks Beck had on his door. "Sorry for the state it's in. I didn't move in long ago and still have some left to do."

"It's nice, thank you," Cutler said as he smiled at Beck.

Something inside him was starting to question Beck's past. By now it was obvious that the breakup hadn't exactly been all nice and sweet. Beck looked uncomfortable here, he didn't belong in this neighborhood so there must be a good reason to why he would go here.

"You can bring your backs upstairs if you want,"

"I'll take the couch," Cutler said and Beck's fake smile dropped. "I know you probably don't have a spare room so I'll be taking the couch."

"I can take the couch too," Beck softly protested.

Cutler rolled his eyes. "No, it's already claimed."

Beck nodded and gave up the fight. Cutler raised his hand to pet Beck's warm and fluffy hair but the boy immiatly flinched. "DON'T... just... don't," Beck said with and angsty voice. The man stared at Beck for a second before realizing.

Oh

"You can put your bag in the bathroom... or anywhere you'd like," Beck spoke in order to break the uncomfortable silence.

"I will." Cutler looked around the place before turning back to Beck. "Feel like drinking again tonight?"

Beck let out a soft laugh. "No thanks, still feeling it from last night... but if you want to then we can watch a couple of bad horror movies?"

Cutler's shoulders dropped when he saw the young boy smile again. "Sounds perfect."

Chapter Text

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow, together we go

....... 

Cutler was waking up to the smell of coffee and toast. Last night had been fun watching and judging old movies with Beck.

The younger man had played it off to look like he just didn't like watching alone as it was way more fun with others but Cutler saw through his disguise and knew that Beck was easily scared by paranormal movies. He didn't care about the murder mysterys or old saw like movies but cuddled up close to Cutler when evil dead started to play.

Cutler hadn't minded. Having Beck under his arm just made the night even better. He had changed his cothes when Beck had gone up to his own room. Of course he wasn't wearing a shirt. For some reason he disliked sleeping in shirts, and socks. He couldn't fall asleep when he wore socks.

Beck was humming to a song Cutler didn't recognize but it sounded good. He stretched out and got up. Beck had a hard time not dropping the coffee mug that he was about to hand to Cutler when he saw the man's abbs. This wasn't that bad of a Christmas eve at all. Beck smiled as he handed Cutler the mug. "You take yours all black?"

Cutler just gave a smile back and drank. Despite his previous expectations the coffee actually turned out to be good. He knew it was gonna be off brand and basic but Beck just apeard to have a way of making it taste better.

"You already know me so well," Cutler said. Beck took his own mug towards the already set (small) tabel that drew a line between the living aria and the kitchen.

"Did you sleep well last night? I know the couch isn't exactly the best place to be sleeping." Cutler took his seat across from Beck and eagerly took the toast. He was hungry and it smelled good despite its simplicity. "Just a little uncomfortable, but nothing too bad," he said as he started to eat his toast with jam.

"Well next time feel free to join me I'm my bed," Beck said while pointing out the fact that Cutler still wasn't wearing a shirt. Not that he was complaining of course. Cutler smiled and raised his glass. "I'll hold you to that one."

Beck smiled and looked down at his cup. The boy still looked a little sleepy and his warm fluffy hair was hanging over his face. The boy looked adorable in the clothes that were obviously a size too big for him. Cutler had the urge to go through Beck's messy and warm hair, messing it up more. It was a similar feeling to that of petting a cat. Only he knew how Beck would react, so he kept his hands home. "I see you don't take your coffee black huh?" Cutler said, breaking the silence. Beck's coffee was light of color and filled with milk and sugar.

"I like mine sweet," the boy admitted without any shame.

"You are sweet," Cutler pointed out. "So, what's there all to do in this city?"

"Well it's smaller than your average city I suppose but we do have the annual Christmas fair, If you want to have a look?"

"Sounds good. Is it a fun fair?" Cutler said as he started with his second toast.

Beck fell quiet. Cutler couldn't help but notice how little Beck was eating. "Well I haven't been there yet... or in a long time, but I'm sure it will be fun. It's probably also the only thing to do at the moment. You know, with Christmas around the corner." The boy didn't raise his voice once.

Beck was an extrovert. He liked people and he liked company. The boy was easy going and it wasn't difficult to have chemistry with him so why would someone like Beck not go to the fair with friends? Cutler was making mental notes as the boy was waiting for an answer.

"It... sounds almost as perfect as you," Cutler flirted. 

Beck bit his lip. "Well in that case, this will be our first date."

"Allow me to make it adorable like you."

"Still not adorable."

Cutler looked back at his toast and began with his third one after whispering under his breath, "adorable" 

...... 

The fair was a lot more serious than Cutler had imagined it to be. There were lights everywhere and so many details. There were even fake birds in the trees with Christmas hats. The people of this town definitely took Christmas seriously. The man smiled, It was good that his car crashed down here and not in some major city. The him of now could have slabbed the him of a few days ago for wanting to gamble the money away and get druk. He was glad he was sober, and with Beck. 

The boy was holding hands with him and guided the taller man through the crowd. So many people were celebrating and eating. 

"Beck what are those?" Cutler asked as he pointed out something that he didn't know but his nose had already fallen in love with. 

"Oh those, oliebollen" Beck spoke happily. 

"What now?" 

"Come on just try," The boy spoke as he eagerly pulled Cutler through the crowd over to the stand. Cutler let Beck order. Of course he insisted to be the one paying for them but without the knolige of what was going on and what he was supposed to be saying he was left powerless. 

It was a soft boll that reminded him of a donut. Once they had taken place outside the crowd Cutler tried to bite down. It wasn't that easy unless you wanted to get powdered sugar everywhere. But he had to admit that there was no going around the fact that these were just delicious. Oliebollen were indeed a lot like donuts but warmer, softer and a bit stronger. 

He looked over to Beck and saw the kid smile. Suddenly Beck's eyes set wide in excitement. "Oh, Cutler" he said as he almost dropped the boll. 

Cutler quickly tried to follow Beck's eyes that fell upon the ice rink. "We need to go skating." 

Oh, well... the only few times that Cutler remembered being on ice skates were rather times of his face being on the ice instead of the skates. 

"Come on, for me," Beck pleaded with those big puppy eyes. How in the world was Cutler ever supposed to say no to those? 

"If I fall I blame you," Cutler laughed. Beck took it and pulled the man towards the rink. 

Cutler was an average ice skater. Certainly not one of those professionals that jumped and landed on one foot, but he could manage. As long as he wasn't going too fast and didn't need to make a direct stop he would be fine. Beck on the other hand was an angel on the ice. The boy moved with controlled strength and grace over the cold ice. 

Beck was playing by speeding up to Cutler and just before hitting him coming to a quick stop.

Cutler almost fell over his own feet and Beck had to hold back his laugh. The boy offered his hand to the man. "Come, I'll teach you." 

"Aren't you just the sweetest," Cutler said as he took Beck's arm. The boy pulled him in and soon Cutler was leaning on Beck for support. The boy started to move as a natural reaction to the environment. 

"How did you get so good at this?" 

"My father always took me for ice skating when I was younger, I loved it," Beck replayed with a smile. 

"That's sweet. Guess you guys really love Christmas?" 

"Yes, I more then love it. Oh I remember forcing my parents into helping me with making this big glittery calender. From the day after Halloween it was a count down to Christmas. We didn't fuck around with decorations either this was a serious buissnes." Beck said with a big smile on his face. The Christmas carols playing in the background. It was definitely below freezing point in the town but yet there was no snow. 

Cutler had to take a break on the side as he just couldn't keep up with Beck. He'd promised it would be oke and Beck could go on since it really was just fine. The man sat back in a couch where people were taking off and putting on their skates before making their way onto the ice. He enjoyed leaning back and watching Beck go around in circles like a little kid. It was odd just how much he enjoyed seeing the boy sincerely happy like that. 

"Like a little kid in the snow huh?" Cutler looked over to his right to see an old man with an ugly Christmas sweater and big gloves standing behind the counter of the skate rental. "Don't feel bad for not keeping up with him though, the kids been on the ice for as long as I can remember," the old man said with a soft smile. 

"You know Beck?" 

"Sure do. This is a small town and I've been coming here since he was still in diapers," the man said as he nodded over to the young man who was now skating backwards. "Seen him grow up here. He came with his parents everyday and every winter untill his mom died."

Cutlers eyes widened. "His mother died?" 

"Oh yeah. It's a shame she was an amazing woman. But believe me when I say the kid is an angel. Always looking out for others."

Cutler nodded. That explained why Beck had only ever mentioned his father. "He's sweet," Cutler said. 

"More than sweet. Really take my advice and keep him. You two make a lovely couple." the man said as he gave another gentle smile. The man took a pair of skates that had just been returned and started to polish them. 

"We're not a couple actually," Cutler said as his smile dropped. 

"Right." 

"Yes," Cutler stated.

"Then why did your face just drop?" the man said with a satisfied smirk. 

Cutler tapped his fingers on the couch. The man did get him there, but it was nothing. 

"Isn't it annoying? Having to work on Christmas eve?" Cutler asked as he switched topics. 

"Not at all," the man spoke with a victorious smile, "I love working on Christmas eve, why wouldn't I?" 

"Spend it at home with your family?" Cutler guessed. 

The man laughed. "Boy look around. See all these people ejoing, smiling. I only have my wife and she and I are now married for over 50 years. One only does that when they fill their lives with joy and laughter. Look at all the happiness we bring people. Why sit at home and do nothing when we can bring this much joy into the world? Just look at your boy over on the ice." 

Cutler's face had once again changed but not in a negative way this time. He felt surprise, relieve? It was intruding to hear the man talk about life like that. Cutler watched Beck. 

He saw the boy smile, with gentle force sliding over the ice. He looked so careless, so soft, so weightless... so happy. 

"Look at how happy he is because of this. People like you think too much with their heads. Thinking that as long as you do what you think will make you happy, you will be. But that ain't right. The brain doesn't know how to be happy that's why we have a heart. Don't let what you think you should be doing get in the way of what will actually make you happy. Happiness that we bring and take is a choice. I made the right one... when will you?"

Cutler didn't have time to answer as Beck arrived by their sides."Cutler come on you are missing out on the fun," Beck said and the man could hear the energy and excitement in the boys voice. 

The man smiled again. "Comming." 

After another hour or so of Cutler holding on to Beck he started to figure it out. He finally got the hang of it. Culter even prevented Beck from falling. 

"Who's the teacher now?" Cutler laughed. 

"Oh well I'm sorry, you're just too distracting."

Cutler leaned in as they had come to a stop in a special far away corner on the ice where nobody was standing. People were starting to clear up the market. Everyone wanted to be home soon for Christmas dinner. "Beck, look up," Coulter spoke with a soft voice. 

When the boy did he could see a mistletoe hanging above them. Beck looked back at Cutler.

"Beck, may I kiss you?"

"Yes," the boy answered with a dreaming voice.

The man leaned in and their lips softly met. Cutler found himself in a warm and soft embrace underneath the Christmas lights. Beck's lips were full and tasted sweet.

Beck's body was heating up. The man's lips were strong but he wasn't forcing it. Beck dreamed away in the kiss. It had been a long time since he really wanted to kiss someone. But he trusted Cutler, he wanted Cutler.

When walking back, Beck was safely under Cutler's arm. They truly did look like a couple but that was fine with both of them. They were walking and laughing down the streets back to the apartment and kisses between them were often exchanged. It wasn't until Beck heard fireworks behind them that they bothered to look back. It was the firework show that meant the end of the fair.

Cutler kissed Beck's cheek and the boy laid his head on the man's shoulder.

Cutler could feel Beck suddenly tense up. When he looked down he saw that Beck's eyes were strongly focused on the crowd. The boy didn't think twice and cut loose from Cutler and basically started to run in the other direction.

Cutler was staring back at the place Beck just had been looking at and he could see the man from the bar standing in the crowd. The man wasn't there by condense, he was looking directly at Cutler and he didn't appear to be very happy. He didn't give the man more attention and turned around to look for Beck.

It took tree hours of roaming through the city for Beck. Cutler was now heavily worried for the boy. What if that man had found him first? Why did Beck run? He wasn't going to dance around it anymore, and he wasn't going to let Beck play it off as just an stupid ex anymore. He was running up the stairs after an old lady had let him in the building. Maybe Beck would be at home. It was one place the boy would be sertain of Cutler know. Maybe he thought that the man would meet him there.

He knocked on the door to recive no answer. Again, louder this time. 

"Beck? Beck open the door I know you're in there."

"Please leave me alone. I don't want to get back with you," Beck cried out from the other side of the door. Cutler stopped and laid his ear on the door. He could hear Beck crying and by the way his words sounded it was obvious that he had been drinking. It felt as if someone had stabbed him in the chest.

"Beck, it's me, Cutler." the man said with a more gentle tone. "Can you open the door?"

Beck first taught was that it could be a trick, but then again Cyrus didn't know Cutler's name. He didn't know anything about the man.

Cutler could hear a large amount of locks being opened and the door swung open. Beck jumped forward into Cutler's arm and the man hugged the boy tightly.

They moved inside and Cutler locked the door again. Beck looked to be more at ease if the door was locked like this.

It took half an hour of cuddling on the couch before Beck was calm again. Still a little drunk, but sober enough. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cutler asked as he held Beck in his arms. There was a big but thin blanket around them and Beck had been pulled very close in Cutler's arms. Beck's legs were thrown over Cutler's and the boys face was buried safely into the man's chest.

"It's just sad, and pathetic." The younger man waited a minute before speaking. "Why did you come here for Christmas?"

"Because I wanted to escape," The man admitted.

Beck hummed to let the man know that he was listening and Cutler took a moment to catch his breath. He hadn't told anyone his story, he never had anyone to tell his story too. But being here with Beck right now was the only thing that... felt real. 

So, Cutler went on. "I really did always used to love the military. The act of fighting for freedom was just something that spoke to me. So naturally, I joined. It wasn't all bad, training was rough but that just made me and my group really close. It wasn't untill we were send off that it became a reality. I knew it was going to be horrible, I was so stupid."

He had to take a minute to catch his breath and could feel Beck hugging him tighter to comfort him. Beck was so sweet. 

"We were send of to behind enemy lines to fight. We were doing good untill this guy showed up. He shouldn't have been there, we really thought we'd checked that building well enough but... I don't rember much from that day, but the image of watching every single person in my group die because of that man... I... I hate how I can still see it, hear it. When I came back from the war I wanted to burn my uniform and head home. It wasn't untill that moment that I learned just how bad applying to the special forces had been." Cutler needed to take a deep breath. He had tried to forget all of this. "When I returned home I learned that there had been a armed robbery at my home a few months back. My father, mother, grandmother..." Cutler didn't hold it together and a few tears made their way over his face.

Beck immediately took Cutler in and laid his head on his chest. "Cutler you don't have too-"

"Then I'll never heal," The man interrupted. "I learned that they were killed three months ago, that broke me. They didn't want to send me back, they told me they couldn't afford me having any distractions. So It wasn't untill three months later that I learned that I didn't have anyone anymore, and now I work an office job. I can't stand it to go there every day and see these people act so normal. I saw my friends die, people die, hunger, machine guns... sometimes I just don't feel like anything is real anymore."

Beck took some time to decide what he was going to do. But when did keeping your problems to yourself ever solve anything? This is what Cyrus had taught him, and he needed to break free from that.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Don't be sorry."

"But I am. Cutler you don't deserve this."

"Beck... don't."

"Cyrus," Beck suddenly spoke. He hated how much the man's name was still something he couldn't just say out loud without having to rush it or go around it.

"What? Beck you don't have to talk about him if you don't want too."

Beck looked him in the eyes and gave him a small smile. "But I have too. If not then I'll never heal." the boy repeated.

Cutler wanted to pet Beck's hair. He knew they younger man probably didn't have anyone to talk too as well.

"I met Cyrus at a club when I was out with my friends, Mara and Zed. They were the best and we were just like family. They were also the reason why life was easy, work just never felt like work when they were around. When I met Cyrus he was nice, fun and charming. Mara was head over heels with the idea of us dating and Zed didn't see anything wrong with him either so when Cyrus asked me out on a date I said yes. There were no red flags at that point except for my dad not liking him. Tron, my father, had been extremely protective of me ever since my mom passed away so I didn't think anything of it. I knew he really hated him though. I was just so happy and too blind to notice just how fast the relationship was going. It wasn't long untill we moved in together. We got that one apartment uptown that we often joked about, on Roslindale street. I was naive and Cyrus was just so sweet and loving so I really couldn't care less."

"I think the reason why I didn't notice that he was abusive is because he never directly was. He never physically forced me to have sex with him or anything, it was different emotionally. It started with slow things that were unnoticeable for me. It's really only that I can look back in it now that I see how he played me."

"It was never obvious. He always played it off as a joke. But there were red flags that I just didn't see. Specially with sex, he was never not in the mood for it and well I was too so most of the time it was fine. It wasn't untill I tried to say no that the first red flags started to show. He never accepted no and always kept pushing. He either gave me more alcohol or kept begging and asking untill I concented. One time when I was playing a game..." Beck shook his head. "He just acted as if it was just a fun innocent bet."

Beck was sitting on the couch in their warm and large apartment playing a game. Suddenly he could feel the couch dip and had just enough time from the screen to look over at his boyfriend who had sat down beside him. 

"Hey baby," Cyrus said in a seductive voice as he laid his hand on Beck's thigh. "Still playing that game?"

The man started to kiss Beck's neck and rubbed his hand on the insides of the younger man's thigh as he kept moving up. He laid his other hand on the controller and tried to take it out of the boy's hands. "How about we start playing another game?"

Beck chuckled not thinking much of it. "I kind of want to keep playing, sorry."

Cyrus eyes darkened. "Beck you've been playing that the entire evening. It's my turn to have fun now," he laughed.

It wasn't exactly true. Beck had been playing for what? Half an hour? Not the entire evening.

"Cyrus I really don't feel like it right now," Beck said as he finished up the game. He came in forth, could have been first if Cyrus hadn't taken the controller.

The man leaned forward and picked up the second controller. "Here's the deal, if you win you can keep on playing, but if I win we're playing my game." the man lauched and Beck smiled back. He took the bet, and lost. Of course the older man knew he was much better at the game and Beck knew he was going to lose. After finishing Cyrus didn't even turn the game off. He just pushed Beck's legs apart and started kissing the boy.

Beck bit his lip. "I knew I was going to lose but what else was I going to do? I didn't want to get into a fight and he wasn't going to give up. I laughed it off at the time but deep down I hated how he didn't accept my no. How I had to prove something, how I had to win my right to say no. It's my fault that he didn't learn how take no either," Beck continued. Cutler raised an eyebrow. It was obvious that whatever might have happened Cyrus still had a strong grip on Beck. The boy blamed himself for the man's wrongdoing.

"If I had just said no in the beginning he would have taken no in the future but I kept giving in and that's how he learned that even if I didn't wanted too, he could still get it if he just kept on pushing. At that point my dad got called up to serve in the military again. I hated saying goodbye to him but he was allowed to call once a month. My dad serves in a special force unit so writing letters was just too, dangerous. He had the number of the house phone and Cyrus alway sat beside me when he called, so I couldn't tell my dad anything. He started to isolate me. When I was supposed to get something he always got it for me. I thought it was sweet but turns out he just hated me going outside. Instead of going out like we used too he insisted that we stayed the night home, saying we could have a date and play games and cuddle... Suddenly my friends stopped talking to me. Turned out Cyrus had made appointments for me, for us. Expect he never told me about anything and so it looked like I just never showed up because I didn't feel like it. He turned off my alarm and I overslept. Eventually Able got so mad one day that he fired me." Beck was rushing over his words. Tears started to make their way down his cheeks. He hated this, he hated Cyrus, he hated how he was weak and let it all happen.

"I cried for a few day straight. Oh and of course Cyrus was there to hold me. I didn't understand why they hated me but what did it matter? I still had him. He kept getting things for me and there were days where I didn't leave the house. When I did want to leave the house we got into this huge fight and he looked at me with venom in his eyes and at that point I was just so scared of him. I apologized and promised to make up for it in any way he wanted too. At that point I couldn't lose him, he was the only one I had. He wanted to have sex again, but not anything normal. That's how I learned he was into heavy BDSM. I didn't know anything about it at the time and it was stupid of me to trust him enough to not ask for a saveword."

Cutler hugged Beck tightly. He was now crying while still trying to tell his story. 

"I was blindfolded so I couldn't tell exactly what was happening and I couldn't scream because I was gagged and-d I-I... I just hated it. He loved the absolute control, the fact that this time I truly couldn't say no. He tried to get me in that position many times again after that. Said he wanted to fuck me like that again, that he loved me so much for allowing him to do that and that he absolutely forgave me."

"Everytime I wanted to go out of the house he started to get angry about why I wanted to leave and if I didn't want him anymore or something like that. He accused me of cheating and I didn't want him to think that... so I stopped going out, I stopped trying to say no, he was the only one that I had and he knew I wouldn't say no to him, disobey his will."

Beck buried his face away in Cutler and it took 15 minutes for Beck to be calm enough to talk again. 

"What made you leave?" Cutler asked in the most gentle and soft voice he could put up with the anger inside him. He was going to rip this guys fucking head off.

"He finally hit me."

No he wasn't going to rip his head off. That was too easy of a way out for this fucking asshole.

"I wanted to go out. It had been two weeks since I'd been outside and I just needed air. He held me against the wall by my wirsts and told me the usual. I don't know why I told him no, but I did. He was so angry that he hit me. I had a bruised eye for three weeks because if it. After he hit he me immediately started to apologize. He told me he loved me and that he was so sorry, it would never happen again and that he didn't know why he did it. But that puch woke me up. When I looked him in the eyes while he tried to apologize I saw it, it was a lie. He would very much hit me again as soon as I ever tried to leave again. So three days after, when he was at work, I took all the money I had left from my savings and just ran. I left a note saying that I broke up with him and that he didn't need to contact me. But by that I also lost all contact that I had with my father. From that point on I had no one. I wend to Able and told him what had happened and he listened and did want to give me back my job. But my friends didn't want to listen. I lost everyone because of him."

"I was just able to affort this apartment but every time I try to go outside he's there. He keeps wanting me to get back with him and he showed up at work, this apartment... I just can't run from him."

They sat there for a while and Beck was getting nervous. "i-i'm sorry I should have never gotten you into this mess. I promise he won't go after you or anything like that. Please... don't be angry with me," the young man said in a defeated tone. 

Cutler turned to look Beck in the eyes. The boy was still blaming himself for so many things. "I'm not angry with you, Beck."

The boy's eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm angry because of the military, at the man from the building, at the robber that night, at your friends for taking his words over yours and I'm furious at that asshole... but not with you."

Beck looked down at the ground. "We're both lonely aren't we?"

Cutler took Beck's hand and kissed the boy on the cheek. "I'll change that. I promise to change the nummer of your father's contact with the right one and you won't have to miss him anymore."

"But he-"

"Will die if he trys stopping me," Cutler finished.

"You don't have too."

"But I want too. I like you happy," Cutler admitted.

Beck softly kissed Cutler on the lips. "I want you too be happy as well. Let's keep in touch after Christmas... You can stay here for new year." Beck was a little nervous that Cutler would decline as that would be a much longer time than the man had originally intended but he smiled nonetheless.

"I'd like that."

They had warmed up the pizza from the freezer for Christmas eve, but neither really ate. The two were too occupied with with kissing. 

Cutler took the invitation from that morning and slept in Beck's bed with the boy cuddled up to him. Beck had a simple cheap bed made for two people in a small bedroom but the entire thing felt softer and warmer than his own bed at home could ever have. As much as Cutler didn't like sleeping with a shirt and only wore pants at night, Beck had the opposite. He loved to wear a shirt but couldn't sleep with pants on. This all ended up with Beck sleeping in Cutler's over-sized shirt.

Cutler woke up around four in the morning. He knew exactly why and what was bothering him and how to get rid of the feeling. He knew how the military was when it came to their special forces and having contact with the outside world. Beck's father would be allowed to call Beck once a month to talk to him but Beck wasn't allowed to call his father. He could call at an inconvenient time so the only contact that could be made was with the army base.

Cutler carefully laid Beck aside and started to get dressed downstairs. He looked up Cyrus on Facebook and quickly found the man. He could see that Cyrus's status was still on "in a relationship" but he tried to ignore it. Cutler only needed his last name to find out in wich building on Roslindale street the man lived. He must still have the number of the base and Cutler was going to get it, tonight.

After a bit of walking and the good luck of the last midnight buss, he got to Roslindale street easily. It didn't take him long to find the building and the apartment that the man lived in. Sure he had his doubts, waking the man up wasn't going to make him any more happy, but he just needed to remind himself that he was doing this for the only person in his life right now. 

After knocking for about ten minutes and having rang the bell for six times he took his chances by breaking in. He got in pretty easily and Cutler rolled his eyes. God for the money these people paid to live here you'd expect better security.

Walking into the home you could almost make the mistake that Cyrus lived alone. Everything had been arranged to look like two people lived here but he had to once again remind himself that he had to get the number of the base and get going. 

He finally found the number of the base saved on a modern like house phone. Cyrus had probably arranged it like that so that Beck couldn't get to know the number of base. It took Culter half an hour to figure out how to pass the security codes and get the number just to find out it could only be called from this specific phone. He shook his head and dialed the number and made arrangements as fast as he could. He pulled out Beck's number to arrange the change.

"and last to confirm this will be the number listed as his one and only contact from now on."

"Yes please, thank you." Cutler hung up feeling good about his actions. Sure breaking into a house wasn't exactly the most legal thing to do but at least now he saved a lot of trouble having to face the man.

Cutler stood outside the building withing ten minutes without leaving a trace of his presence. He walked for a good few blocks before starting to question himself. It was a little whisper at first but became slowly more reasonable to ask himself.

It was Christmas eve/morning so if the man wasn't home... where would he be?

Beck woke up to an empty bed and some loud knocking on the door. Did Cutler lock himself out or something? Why wasn't he here with him? The boy put on an old pair of sweatpants and walked downstairs to the door.

"Cutler? What are you doing outside?" Beck asked with a soft smile. He unlocked the door and opened it just for the smile to instantly drop.

"Cutler? So that's his name." Cyrus spoke as he stepped inside. 

Chapter Text

White nights and white lights lead to your rose

I have loved you ever since and now your blooming begins

Oh my red rose,  Angel of white

Comming here with only the words to say, but the snow on the road showed me way

...... ..... 

Cutler was a logical thinker. He was smart and always did what was best for the group instead of one person. Years of military training and growing up in a none religious house hold had taught him that. He didn't need much time to figure things out so when Cyrus wasn't home and with the story that Beck had told him, he easily put two by two together, and started to run.

Cyrus stepped inside the apartment and closed the door. Beck was wild awake and breathing heavily. He took a few steps back but for the rest he was frozen. He couldn't scream and he couldn't stop Cyrus from leaning over to the small table next to the door and taking one of the keys off of it. 

The man pushed it into its place and locked the door. He didn't say anything to Beck while doing so but the boy didn't know how the man would have reacted if he would have said something. He knew what Cyrus was doing, why couldn't he stop him? Why was he so weak?

Cyrus put the key back into the inside pocket of his jacket to make sure Beck wouldn't be abel to run unless he wanted to try jumping out the window. 

"I was already wondering what his name was after I saw you two kiss at the fair," Cyrus slowly spoke as he turned to face the boy. "Beck..."

"leave," the young man spoke. He knew Cyrus wasn't going to leave. He knew the man could hear the fear in voice, Cyrus was aware of the power he had over Beck.

"I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not mad about the fair or that you kissed him. Beck I just want you to listen."

But that was unfair. Cyrus was a master with words and apologies. Beck knew he could very well fall back into the man's arms if he listened to his words. 

The boy took a few steps back untill he was next to the couch. Against his best hopes, Cyrus moved closer.

The man took some official looking papers out of his pocket and threw them on the couch. "You can look through them if you want. I want you to know for sure that I'm not lying."

Beck didn't take the papers, he just wanted the man gone.

"P-please leave."

Cyrus was standing there calm and Beck was just questioning how he could be shaking like this? Why was he so afraid? Why did Cyrus hold so much power over him that he was still standing there scared and shaking while the man across from him wasn't being aggressive at all?

"Beck I just want to explain. I love you and you never even gave me the chance to explain."

The younger man wasn't moving. Beck looked at the ground, unsure what to do. 

"I love you Beck. From the moment I first spoke to you I knew I loved you. When we kiss... it's just... I feel like nothing can hurt me, nothing can hurt us. It was stupid of me to get so jealous every time you spoke to someone else," Cyrus said with a hurt voice. He genuinely looked so hurt, so sad, so on the edge of crying. "Hurting you was the worst thing I have done in my life, Beck. That's what the papers are for. I'm in therapy right now and I want to keep going there to make sure that that will never happen again. I don't know why I got so angry. I just care about you so much and whenever you go somewhere and I know I can't be there to stop something from hurting you, from using you... I don't want anything to happen to you. Look around, you deserve better then this. They all left you and now you are all on your own, you have no one. They don't love you, but I do. Please I don't want someone like that man using yo-"

"Cutler didn't use me," Beck bravely interrupted.

"Then where is his jacket? Where is his bag? Where is he? " Cyrus asked.

Beck looked over to the place where Cutler's bag first stood but found nothing, wait what? He looked over at the coat rack, nothing. Beck knew that Cutler's car had been fixed and he could take it whenever he wanted... but that wouldn't be a reason for leaving him. 

The realization started to hit. Beck was trying to deny it but Cyrus was right. Cutler was gone, he'd taken his stuff and left when Beck was still sleeping. No, NO Cutler had promised he didn't care about his past and he- he'd..." Beck's eyes started to water. The first man that he'd told his story to hadn't thought twice about leaving him. Beck knew he was messed up, who would even want to put effort in him now. But Cutler had promised he was different... he was even going to stay for new years eve... but what hurt most was that he didn't have to make out with him like that, hug him like that, if he was just going to leave the next morning. And to think Beck really felt like he started to-

"He doesn't want you, Beck." Cyrus started to move closer and closer. At this point there was a small tear making its way down over Beck's cheek. "But I want you. Look around Beck. You are alone and no one is coming for you, they'll all leave you. You don't belong in this part of town, you have nothing. Cutler left you, your friends left you, you are all alone with nothing. Come back with me... they might not care about you but I do. You can be home again and talk to your father again... don't you want that? Living in a sweet loving home where you don't have to worry about money or loneliness," Cyrus was now standing right in front of Beck and the boy looked up at the older man.

He was right, he had nothing and was nothing. 

The man took a small black box out of his jacket and opened it in front of Beck. The boy held his hand over his mouth in shock.

"Beck, marry me. I love you and promise to stay with you forever. We can build a loving home together."

Beck was staring at the ring. 

A loving home. One that he was going to feel sweet and sound in. He would grow old with a man that would love him unconditionally. A loving home... a loving home that he was never going to leave. He was going to be trapped inside there forever. Cyrus was never going to leave his side or let anything hurt him because Beck knew he'd be locked away from everything. Cyrus had a good job and could provide for them both but in return Beck would fully depend on him. He couldn't say no, or ever leave the man because they would have to file for a divorce and Cyrus wasn't going to let that happen. Beck would be like a bird in a cage, fed, homed, loved but oh so locked. 

There was a reason to why he fell in love with Cyrus, and there was an even better one to why he'd left him. That ring wasn't a mark of love, but that of being owned.

"No," Beck said in the softest and calmest voice he had. He didn't even know why he sounded so calm himself but he did.

"Excuse me?" Cyrus asked in a darker tone.

"I don't want to marry you, so leave."

And just like that Cyrus's entire mood switched just like it always had. The man standing over him wasn't sad or soft or sweet anymore, this man was a monster.

Cutler was running through the cold and dark streets. There was no cab or Uber or anything he could call to get him to the apartment faster. Cutler pulled out his phone and called the police. He wasn't going to lose Beck. 

Cyrus had closed the box and slid it back into his pocket faster than Beck could blink. The man grabbed him by his wrists and pushed him roughly against the wall. 

"Are you kidding me? So what? What are you going to do? Die alone because you want to be a stuck up little bitch? FUCK EVERYONE IN EVERY CLUB AROUND TOWN YOU STUPID WHORE? "

The man pulled Beck forward just to slam him against the wall again, this time a lot rougher. It hurted and Beck knew it was going to leave some serious bruises. The man tightened his hold on Beck's wrists and the boy cried it out.

"YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME. I CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING BUT WITHOUT ME YOU ARE NOTHING, YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU DISGUSTING WHORE THINKING PEOPLE STILL WANT YOU? NO ONE WOULD WANT YOU ONCE THEY COME TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE TO YOU THAT NIGHT."

He slammed Beck into the wall again. 

"YOU RUINED BITCH."

Beck made himself as small as possible. The man was towering above him and the young man was left crying and defenceless. Cyrus had him completely locked. 

Cutler was running up to the building but stopped. He saw a black car across the streets that looked like it just had been parked there. Cutler knew for a fact that he hadn't seen it standing there when he'd left earlier.

He was breathing heavily and knew he had to do something quickly. That's when Cutler spotted the emergency stairs outside the building that let all the way up to the top and crossed Beck's window... it was perfect. 

The man continued shouting at Beck. Cyrus now was holding both of Beck's wrists in one hand and the other on his throat. 

"YOU DON'T GET TO CHOSE. YOU ARE MINE AND NO ONE ELSE WILL HAVE YOU, NO ONE WANTS YOU. YOU WILL MARRY ME. "

Beck shook, with all his might, his head. He couldn't talk anymore because of the hand around his throat... he could barely breath. 

That's when Cyrus took his hand back, allowing Beck to breath again but lifting it. The boy cried out at the burning pain as Cyrus hit him across the face. 

Beck stopped making noise and tried to breath. Air, he couldn't get any air. The boy was taking small quick breaths but it didn't feel like he was getting any air. 

Cyrus slowly moved his hand to grap something behind his back and Beck was brought back to his senses when the man pointed a gun at his face. Cyrus let his thumb slide over the black metal and unlocked the save. 

Cutler had arrived at the window and was able to see the tattood man standing over Beck. Cutler carefully lifted the window to slip inside. It was somewhere good that the man was yelling, he would have heard him otherwise. 

Beck eyes were wide looking at the gun. "That's not loade-"

"Oh believe me it is," Cyrus said with a poisoned voice.

"You're bluffing."

"Does it look like I'm bluffing? DID I EVER BLUFF?" the man pushed the gun under Beck's chin. "Beck I promise you right now," Cyrus started in the most frightening voice Beck had ever experienced in his life. There was no hiding anymore. The man was able to see right through him with those venomous eyes. "Take the ring, say yes my love, but this night you will either leave through that door with me, as mine... or in a body bag. If I can't have you... no one will."

The boy looked away from Cyrus and the ring. Cutler was really gone, huh? No one was comming for him. Beck had wondered for some time what death would be like but now facing it, he didn't want to die. Maybe it had been the time on the ice at the fair or that he had felt happiness in a long time... but he didn't want to die. In all truth he was terrified of Cyrus. Beck knew the gun was loaded, Cyrus wasn't scared of using it. He looked back at the gun and at the man knowing that there was no way out of this situation regardless of what he might have been planning on. Beck was now shaking. He felt scared, cold and his fear was getting the best of him. Cyrus had made his way just like a virus towards Beck's brain and stayed there, the boy never able to run from him. 

"Y-Yes," Beck basically cried it out.

"Excuse me," the man said as he pushed the gun harder against the boy.

"I'l-ll I... I'll marry y-ou."

The man smiled darkly, clicked the save back on and placed the gun back behind his back into its holster. Cyrus turned soft again now that he knew he had Beck. The man pulled the crying boy closer and padded his cheek. "Shhhhh, don't cry. Good boy." Cyrus knew that this was nowhere near consensual, he was going to have to keep the gun around for a while before he could trust Beck not to try anything rebellious but he was fine with that. He didn't really care as long as the boy was where he wanted him to be. The man was smiling but still holding a rough grip on Beck's wrists.

When the gun was out of the way it was clear for Cutler. No way he was going to wait for the police and allow that fucking asshole to put a ring around his Beck.

The man launched forward from behind the couch and pulled Cyrus aggressively off of Beck. He threw the man against the ground and started hitting his face. 

Cutler could only see red at the moment, nothing else, he didn't think about Beck screaming his name in surprise or aiming or stopping, he just wanted to hurt the man as much as he could and wherever he could.

Cutler was first having the upper hand but this really wasn't the first time Cyrus had fought. The man punched Cutler in his stomach and kicked the man off of him. He stood back, ready to grab his gun again but Cutler just launched himself forward again and almost threw both of them against the door.

Beck could only watch as both of them tried to deliver the final punch but neither seemed to be able to do so. He couldn't belive it, Cutler... why was he back? Why hadn't he left? He stayed, he cared and he was now fighting for both their lives and Beck was standing there powerless. He couldn't help Cutler, he could barely stand on his own feet.

Cutler finally managed to crab and empty bottle from the floor and hit Cyrus in the face with it. The man seemed too disoriented to continue the fight and Cutler spend no more time on him. 

The man turned around and Beck and Cutler basically ran into each other's arms. The boy didn't hold back with crying in the strong man's chest. "I-I thought yo-u'd left me," the boy sobbed.

"I could never leave you, never." Cutler just couldn't get Beck close enough to him. He needed Beck closer, closer and saver in his arms.

Cutler was trying to calm Beck again as the boy was softly shaking against his chest. Beck was indeed getting calmer untill they both hearded a familiar clicking sound behind them, the unlocking of a save. 

Cutler pushed the boy behind him putting himself between Beck and the gun. 

"You should have fucking stayed out if this. It was stupid of you to come back," the man spoke rather calmly. 

"I never left and the only thing I regret is not punching you the first time I saw you," Cutler spat back.

"What you really think he's worth it?" the man laughed. "Didn't he tell you about what I did to him? He's ruined you know?" he said as he moved closer. The man didn't stop laughing, he only found it funny. "The entire blindfold was soaked by his tears." 

Beck tighted his grip on Cutler. Please don't leave, please don't leave.

"You're disgusting." 

The man's smirk dropped and he pointed the gun right at Cutler's head. "You'll be much more quiet once I put a bullet in you head." 

Cutler could hear the steps outside the apartment, finally. 

"Everyone in the building is going to hear it," the man argued.

"Oh but I'm not worried, I got a silencer on this thing. I put it there in case little prinsess wanted to be stupid," Cyrus laughed. "Believe me, I'll get out."

The man was surprised to see Cutler smirk. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Cyrus had no time to react as the door was brutally forced open and a group of police men came running in. They didn't need time to make out what was happening as a guy with a gun made everything clear enough. They jumped over to the man to tackle him but Cyrus aimed his gun at Cutler and Beck to make one last attempt. He fired the gun and Cutler pulled Beck down to the ground. 

Cutler felt the bullet slightly scratch his arm. 

More policemen came in and kicked the gun away. They handcuffed Cyrus and took him outside where a police car was waiting for the man. 

Cutler shot up and checked Beck for wounds. Beck was doing the exact same. 

"You've been hit," Beck said softly. He was blind for the chaos around them. He didn't hear the police or Cyrus shouting at him.

Cutler and Beck were locked in that moment. Neither of them looked away. There was no chaos or noise, no war and no past, no lost friends and battle scars, no hidden hate or broken hearts, no trouble, no hurt, there was absolutely nothing in the entire universe... but them. 

Beck carefully hugged Cutler and the man took Beck in his arms. 

Beck felt warm and save, no hurt or yelling, not afraid to say no or lock the door or pain, no eating alone and sleeping in a cold bed, not afraid to go outside, not scared to be hit, not to feel afraid but to feel save unlike ever before. 

Cutler was save heaven that hugged him like clouds. 

The man held Beck tighter. 

He didn't feel alone or hurt, he wasn't feeling the scars of the war or the sounds of bombs being dropped, but he could feel it. He felt something so pure and soft, sweet and gorgeous, a beautiful angel, a heartbeat...

That was the only sound in the world

A heartbeat 

Beck's heartbeat. 

They hugged each other even closer and the world woke up from it's dream. There was reality again but it didn't feel the same. 

The world had more color now, It was warmer now.

It took the police a few moments before both were ready to let go and be taken towards the police station for investigation. 

Beck was sitting at the the Iron table with a blanket around him answering questions. He didn't feel like telling every single detail about his relationship with Cyrus or what had happend in apartment. Nonetheless he was doing his best to answer as much as he could. All that he said now could be later helpful during the trial. 

The woman sitting opposite to him was sweet but also sad. "And how did you react to the fake papers he gave you?" 

Beck raised an eyebrow. "They were fake?" he should have known Cyrus was lying about therapy. 

The woman nodded and wrote something down in the clipboard she had. "And you are together with the man outside?" 

Beck blushed. "Well maybe in the future... See i was actually hoping that-" 

"Honey," she interrupted him. "Don't do this. I've seen it happen more than once and you wouldn't want to go through another one do you?" 

"I'm sorry I don't understand."

"Look you met that man when you were vulnerable, you are still vulnerable. Men often take advantage of these situations specially men like that. Cyrus, your ex, was like him. I know you want to be held but how well do you know him? He left and you still don't know why. I've had this happen to my sister and I don't want it to happen again."

Beck looked down. But Cutler wasn't like Cyrus? Sure they probably couldn't be a for ever couple, Beck had known that from the beginning but at least they could be more than a hook up now, right? 

"You've known him for almost three days sweety. I see people like this all the time. Let's be honest are you really ready for another Cyrus?" 

No, please no. Beck wouldn't ever want anyone like Cyrus ever again. He'd rather take the gun than have someone abuse, use him like that again. He was just tired and confused. These past few days had felt unreal and he didn't know what to think of them. Beck was most of all still shocked about Cyrus. Never in his life had he been more afraid of that man and the taught of dating another one like that... 

Was it really time to wake up from the past few days? Were they really nothing like what he had hoped/thought they would be? 

They interviewed them separately. Cutler hated sitting in the hallway with a blanket around him as he was waiting for his turn. 

When a woman and man came for him he didn't get to see Beck... he wanted to. 

As he set down he did his story and the woman wrote everything down. Cutler's head wasn't exactly clear but he told it as it had happened, including what Beck had told him about the past relationship and about what he had noticed about Beck. Saying things like locks on the door or scared to be touched around the head were signs of abuse and would later help Beck in his case against the man.

When he was done he was allowed to go back home but in the hallway, the woman stopped him. 

"Look we need to talk, real talk," she said with a strong and cold voice.

"Sure..."

She sat him down again and Cutler didn't understand what was going on. 

"I know you want to know how he is now, but you can't. I get this a lot, people who help others and get attached to them. You can not take advantage of the boy like this."

"I'm no-"

"But it is what's happening right now. I get it I really do. You came here alone and the boy was abused, he's looking for save place and company and so are you. But he is too vulnerable right now and can easily be taken advantage without you even meaning to. He's already send home and honestly? We think it's best if you do the same thing."

Wait what? She couldn't, they couldn't do that. He wanted what was best for Beck. 

"We know that your car was already repaired yesterday and it's best if you go home again. The boy needs time to heal and your life isn't here, you have a life too. Go back to where you should be and let the both of you heal. As someone with pshyco logical studies you know that this is the best option."

"Beck-" 

"Knows about this," she interrupted him. "He actually understood this after a long talk. He even said you could come again if your car ever broke down again. He's sweet, please make the right choice for him."

Cutler looked down before he even realized it. As horrible as it was she was right. His car was made but he didn't want it. He might be alone but knowing his education well... he should go back, back to his old life. 

Wasn't this all a dream? Maybe in the future they could have contact again but right now he wanted what was best for Beck...

Oh God... the woman was right. 

Thinking with his head and he knew. He'd always known but never wanted to admit it.

"Will do officer," he softly spoke as he came to realize that the dream was over.

He couldn't. He knew by his head that this was the right decision for Beck... no matter how much it would hurt him. 

Early, around five in the morning, he was riding again. The police had gotten him his car and it was strange to be sitting inside of it again. 

Cutler looked around the roads as he started to get closer to the edge of the city.

Three days, barely three days and that was all it had taken for Beck to make him feel the way he did. 

It was ridiculous to think that way. Cutler always had been proud that he was a logical thinker. 

At least he could keep the memories of this town. 

White soft snowflakes started to color the town. The roads started to turn full white as the snow quickly came down.

At least he had good memories of the place. Like his grandmother had always told him 'the best thing you can get is experience. Learn from every place you, you'll find happiness."

But learning new things had never made him happy now had it? He had three major studies and traveled a lot... went to a lot of museums but that hadn't made him happy either.

Suddenly someone else's words started to overpower his mind. 

"Look at how happy he is because of this."

No... 

"People like you think too much with their heads." 

But that was unfair. The man had a wife and nothing to worry about. He started to argue with his own mind.

"Thinking that as long as you do what you think will make you happy, you will be."

Barly three days, he had known Beck for barly three days. 

"But that ain't right."

But it made good arguments. Cutler knew the words of the officer should hold more wisdom than a man at the ice skate rental, but he couldn't stop hearing the man's words. Maybe it was because they were telling him what he wanted to hear. He listened to them. 

The brain doesn't know how to be happy that's why we have a heart. Don't let what you think you should be doing get in the way of what will actually make you happy."

Or maybe because it was true? 

Happiness that we bring and take is a choice. I made the right one...

What his heart wanted? Cutler stopped in the middel of the empty white road and closed his eyes. He didn't think, he felt. He wanted to listen to the words, wanted to listen and the world took him back to Beck, to the moment where Beck was everything and the only sound in the world was Beck's heartbeat... he wanted that... he wanted that... he wanted Beck. He... he'd fallen in love with Beck. 

when will you?

A reason to stay, wasn't that what his mind wanted? What he had always been taught to do? What the officer had told him to do? He respected her and she was right... he could so clearly hear her words.

And that was also exactly the reason why he smiled as he sped up and drove his car into the iron rails on the side of the road.

"He even said you could come again if your car broke down again."

Cutler stepped out of the car and his mind was racing. The snow made a crushing sound underneath his boots and he looked back. The snow reflected the light and there by making the white road light up a path that would lead back into the city to Beck.

Cutler stood there for five minutes

And started running. 

My nose and feet are running as we start. To travel trough snow,

Together we'll go

Beck was cleaning his own blood from the wall on Christmas morning. Apparently when Cyrus pushed him into the wall his skin had broken in a few places and he'd started to bleed. The boy sighted, he knew Cutler had a life to get back to and was grateful to at least have his memories and that the man had saved him. But Beck couldn't help but think if maybe Cutler would have stayed if he had asked him to. Beck wished he would see him again, Beck wanted to be with him again. 

He woke from the dream when there was a snowball thrown against the window. The boy stopped and stared for a while but then there was another one.

Beck looked out of the window to see a dark figure standing outside. The boy put on a bathrobe for extra warmth and started to walk downstairs. Cyrus was finally locked away and he didn't need to be scared anymore. It however did leave him with the question of who in the world this could be.

When the young boy opened the door he saw a half frozen Cutler standing in the snow. 

Beck wanted to say something but Cutler was quicker. 

"Before you say anything please let me talk. I know I shouldn't be here and you need healing and I'm sorry I couldn't see you after the fight. There was this officer and she told me that it wasn't good and I wanted to listen because from psychological perspective, no I shouldn't be here, but then there was my grandma and the ice skate renter who said this thing that at the time I thought was stupid but it's true and I hate that and I-"

"Cutler," Beck said in disbelieve. He couldn't believe the man was here... the man who had stolen his heart and hadn't driven of with it.

Cutler looked at Beck and realized that he had been rambling. "Beck, my point is... I don't care about her words or logic because I don't want logic I want you. You make me happy, Beck." Cutler lowered his head in defeat.

"Cutler," Beck sighted and walked over to the man. "Please just kiss me already."

Cutler looked at Beck and didn't need to hear those words twice. He leaned it and kissed Beck's soft and save lips, back in the warm embrace he loved so much. 

Beck locked the door behind him and Cutler took off his jacket and shoes. Beck started to strip as well and they hadn't even made it to the bedroom yet. 

They kept kissing and tasting each other. Beck wanted Cutler inside if him. The boy wrapped his arms around the man's neck. "Cutler, I need you."

The man picked Beck up and the boy wrapped his long legs around the man's waist. Cutler carried them to the bed and softly let Beck down. Their lips only slightly parted so both of them could get rid of their clothes more easily. 

Nothing in the world mattered like them right now. Cutler laid Beck out over the sheets and the boy got rid of his last piece of clothing. Was he maybe just a little scared? Scared of the constant 'ruined' state that Cyrus had pressed on him? Yes... but Cutler. Wasn't .Cyrus.

The man's eye wandered over the soft silk skin. Beck's body was strong build with perfect soft muscles and smooth skin. Not to let out that Beck's cock was a shade of perfect pink. The boy's cheeks where deep red and Cutler leaned in forward to kiss Beck's stomach.

Cutler started to believe that Beck wasn't what he first expected the boy to be. He was aside from much more beautiful also more... real. He didn't still see Beck as a quick relationship anymore, or a one night stand. There was also something wrong. 

Beck was still a little uncomfortable underneath the man. He hadn't been with a man since he'd left his ex and Cutler was a lot bigger than he was used to in the first place.

And of course, also, he didn't have a good feeling about the position of being underneath someone again, But he knew he wanted Cutler more than ever. 

The man felt it and lifted Beck up, placing him over his lap. This way Beck was now at the same hight if not a little higher than Cutler.

Beck looked down in Cutler eyes and saw something he hadn't seen in a lover before. Whenever Cyrus would give him that look it was about possessing something, Cutler looked adoring.

Not possessing, but cherishing.

Sparks were visible as they kissed and Beck let himself down on the man. His neighbors might could have heard them but he didn't really care. Beck had no desire to be quiet as they made love, and oh was Beck loud in bed. The boy didn't held back moaning as Cutler thrusted inside and against Beck's sweet spot, bringing both of them near climax.

The snow was falling like feathers and angels sang their Christmas morning songs. The world was settling in the soft winter weather. The roads, now silver in the soft moonlight, were covered in a perfect layer of snow that would be disturbed in the most beautiful way by the kids later on that day. The Christmas tree in the middle of the town's center was shining bright and as the white reflected the light, the town colored.

But the only world that mattered, was them. 

Beck came before Cutler who didn't last much longer after seeing Beck cum while being fucked on his cock.

God was he gorgeous. 

They fell exhausted onto the mattress. Cutler immediately pulled Beck in closer. He softly traced his fingers over the boy's back but Beck stopped him. He took the hand and placed it on his head while he buried his face away in Cutler.

The man took a moment to appreciate the permission he was just given.

Beck fell asleep as Cutler played with his hair. The man looked happily down at the boy.

Adorable.

A YEAR LATER

Cutler was putting the last few things from his desk into the box. 

A coworker, or now rather an ex-coworker, walked over to him.

"It's a shame you're leaving us now right before Christmas you know?" he joked. 

"Maybe, but Beck and I just bought our first apartment and it would be a shame if I had to drive all the way just for work."

The coworker smiled. He hadn't really known Cutler untill he came back from christmas last year. The man had became more social and happy the past few months. It really was good that they had found each other. 

The coworker looked at the small blue velvet box that was standing proudly on the desk. 

"You're gonna ask him during Christmas or new year?"

"Christmas," Cutler answered happily.

The former coworker laughed. "Well I would hurry if I were you, don't wanna drive all the way through the snow that's coming. You might get lost in the white," the man said as he walked off.

But Cutler knew he would be fine. He knew he wouldn't get lost in the snow. The white would only light up in the streetlights and so, the snow on the road would lead him straight to Beck.