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It was almost an hour after her lunch break, after she’d taken a walk around the block to clear her head and try to walk off her hurt feelings, that Nicole froze in the act of assigning a case number to the drunk she’d just put into the holding cell and realized aloud, “Oh, shit. She meant us.”
“Wha…?” slurred John Doe, who was either too drunk or too stubborn to cough up his name. He had no wallet and no ID; the only belongings she’d found on him, in fact, had been an antique key and two old-fashioned coins. “Y’talkin’ to me, o-off-officer? ’m not a she.”
Her stomach was churning with guilt at her revelation even as she glared at John Doe. “Go sleep it off,” she said curtly, “so I can address the public intoxication ticket to the right person.”
John Doe mumbled incoherently as he staggered to the cement bench on the other side of the holding cell.
Meanwhile, Nicole’s brain was very unhelpfully replaying her entire conversation with Waverly on endless repeat. She was now virtually certain: She was talking about herself. She was talking about us.
She spent most of the rest of her shift resisting the urge to reach out to Waverly. In fact, she picked her phone up at least once every fifteen minutes and even opened her messages app a few times, but always talked herself into putting it back on her desk.
What could she say?
“Were you trying to tell me you could maybe be attracted to me?” didn’t quite seem like a conversation to have via text. For that matter, she wasn’t entirely sure how to have it in person, especially after the disaster their last conversation on the matter had become.
Finally, towards the end of her shift, she tuned out John Doe’s obnoxiously loud snoring and tapped out a message: “Hey. We should talk sometime. I think we had our wires crossed today.”
No answer.
No answer as her relief came in and got settled a few minutes early.
No answer as she gave in and checked her phone as she put on her coat and got her lunch bag. She tried not to obsess over the fact that the message’s status had changed from “Delivered” to “Read 7:58 PM” and there was still no answer.
No answer as she drove home to a dark, empty house.
No answer as she heated up a quick dinner and sat on the couch to watch something familiar and comforting.
No answer as she dished out some extra canned food as a peace offering to Calamity, who was in a snit and avoiding her. The cat flatly refused to be brushed in any way, shape, or form, which meant that her long, thick fur got tangled with knots every few months. Sometimes she would deign to allow Nicole to carefully snip them out, but this year she’d taken a stand against it and after getting scratched on the arm for the third time in a week, Nicole had taken a very irritated Calamity to be groomed the day before.
No answer as Calamity, who still refused to forgive her despite eating all of the canned food and several treats Nicole had left hidden around the house, spent the night glaring at her from behind the TV stand, leaving Nicole truly alone with her thoughts.
Those thoughts were not kind, and for the first time since moving to Purgatory, she wondered if she’d made a huge mistake.
She checked her phone one last time before she went to bed.
No answer.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She had volunteered to do an extra patrol – which, she had told herself, absolutely was not because she didn’t want to risk running into Waverly at the BBD office – and had just about reached the edge of town when she saw a lone figure marching determinedly down the road.
And even though all she could see at this point was the body language, the tassels hanging off the boots, and the puffy blue coat, she knew without a doubt that she was looking at Waverly Earp stalking down the road in sub-zero temperatures.
It was only then that she realized she’d been circling the area around the Earp homestead for an hour.
Somehow, her stomach sank and her heart leapt into her throat at the same moment.
She felt a complex mixture of affection, amusement, and a little trepidation. Waverly had never returned her text from the day before and she had no idea where they stood with each other.
But when it came right down to it, if nothing else, here was a citizen of Purgatory in danger of exposure and she had a responsibility to see to Waverly’s safety.
And if the part of her heart that had fallen head-over-heels at first sight was more than a little terrified that today would be the day she got confirmation that this was…it…well, at least Waverly wouldn’t wind up with frostbite.
That would have to be enough.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She should have expected it.
The “just friends” speech.
Well…not so much ‘speech’ as ‘sentence,’ but still.
She should have known it was coming.
And part of her had.
But that didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt.
This town, she’d noticed, had a way of beating people down, of making them settle. Of convincing a remarkable young woman that she wasn’t worth anything more than whatever a shithead jock like Champ Hardy could give her.
Nicole shook her head, feeling an unusual weight of depression pushing down against her chest. Waverly had come very close to putting her heart on the line the day before and because she had been too focused on Black Badge and the idea that she was living in an episode of The X-Files, she hadn’t even noticed.
A voice in her head – the quiet, self-loathing one that she was mostly able to ignore – insisted that she didn’t deserve Waverly’s heart even if she wanted to give it.
After a silent, awkward drive back to town, she’d dropped Waverly off at Shorty’s with a stammered, “W-Waverly, I….” But then she’d had to shrug; all of the things she wanted to say had piled up in her mouth so thickly that it prevented her from saying any of them.
“Thanks for the ride,” Waverly said, even and cordial and completely impersonal, getting out of the car and closing the door firmly without waiting for an answer or even making eye contact.
Nicole sighed.
But she still watched with chivalrous concern to make sure Waverly made it inside the bar before she pulled away.
Because Waverly could say ‘just friends’ and Nicole could agree – even if it came perilously close to breaking her heart – but that didn’t stop her from caring. It couldn’t.
She was pretty damn sure nothing ever would.
So she waited, and she watched.
And because she did – she saw Waverly glance back.
Just once.
Briefly.
But still.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She was short-tempered with Dolls, who greeted her as she passed the BBD offices.
She glared at the dispatch officer, who waved as she passed by.
She was curt with Lonnie, who was coming off-shift.
She even snapped at Nedley when he said he was leaving for dinner.
It shouldn’t have hurt so much. She knew that. Intellectually, she knew that. She and Waverly had never been anything more than friends; what was the harm in staying that way?
But her heart ached anyway, because, oh, she wanted to mean more to Waverly Earp than just ‘friends’, and they could have been.
She’d managed to be professionally polite to the few citizens who straggled into the station for one thing or another before their own dinners, but her heart wasn’t in it.
And then Waverly had stormed in, breathless from walking all the way from Shorty’s in the freezing cold.
And Nicole’s life – their lives – changed forever.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
It was the last thing – the last thing – she wanted to do but she pulled herself just far enough away from Waverly to gasp, “Nedley’ll be back any second.”
Waverly’s eyes were a little wild. “I don’t care.”
Nicole chuckled breathlessly. “I…don’t really care either, but I’m pretty sure he will. If only because this is his couch.”
With a huff, Waverly rolled her eyes. “Fine.” But she still pulled Nicole close for one last, heated kiss before she drew back, shaking her head admiringly. “You’re really good at that.”
Nicole chuckled, running her fingers through Waverly’s hair. “You’re no slouch in that department either, you know.”
Apparently taking that as a challenge, Waverly surged forward again, nearly making Nicole forget about Nedley entirely, but a few moments later, she managed to lean back and pant, “You don’t do anything in half measures, do you?”
Waverly paused in the act of trying to restore, again, some semblance of order to her hair. “No. Where’s the fun in that?”
Nicole buttoned a couple of buttons on her shirt; she wasn’t even really sure when they’d come undone. The previous ten minutes or so was a very pleasant blur. “Waverly, I – ”
Waverly caught the change of tone in her voice and shook her head firmly. “Don’t, Nicole. I’m not a kid.”
“This has nothing to do with you being a kid, Wave. I know you’re not, but I – I mean, earlier, you said….”
“Earlier, I was mad. And scared. And overwhelmed, and I took the coward’s way out.”
“You’re not a coward.”
Waverly shrugged and just gestured between the two of them.
“You’re not. You’re the one who just told me that you like to do things that scare you. Would a coward do that?”
“Okay. Point taken.”
Nicole smiled gently. “Okay. I just wanted to be sure.” She wrung her fingers together. “But, um, I want you to know…you’re always free to say stop, okay? And not just because this is new for you…it’s always okay to say stop. Or not now. Or to ask me for more, or less, or…or whatever you want.”
Nicole wasn’t quite sure why she felt it so important to make sure Waverly knew, that Waverly understood, that this was about more than consent, as important as that was. She wanted to be sure Waverly understood that she had agency in this; from what she’d seen of Champ Hardy (who the hell pawed their grieving and clearly-not-interested-at-the-moment girlfriend at a wake?), she suspected Waverly had never had much of a say in her previous relationships. Or, more to the point, had never thought of asserting herself, of making sure her desires were valued or even understood.
Still, although she wasn’t sure what she expected Waverly’s reaction to be, outright laughter wasn’t it. “You should be on one of those cheesy posters they put up in sex ed class.”
“It’s important, Waverly.” She finished fixing her uniform and ran her hands up and down Waverly’s arms. “You…us…I want this to be…right.”
Waverly’s eyes softened. “It will be. It’s been right since the day you showed up at Shorty’s. I’m…I’m sorry if I hurt you earlier.”
She couldn’t seem to take her hands off Waverly now that she knew her touch would be welcomed; right now, she was gently stroking a line up and down her arm with one hand while tracing the outer edge of her ear with her other. “No. I’m sorry I didn’t really listen to you yesterday. I didn’t realize what you were telling me until it was way too late.”
Waverly smiled. “Now that we got that out of the way…when are you off duty?”
“Soon as Nedley gets back.”
Waverly glanced away, then back at her. “Not to be too forward or anything, but…maybe we could have dinner?”
“I’d like that. A lot.” She forced herself to put her hands in her pockets; it was the only way she could keep from just pulling Waverly back towards her, and damn the consequences. “Wanna come over to my place?”
Waverly was about to answer when they heard heavy footsteps in the hallway. She nodded enthusiastically, then mouthed, “wait for you in the BBD office” before breezing out as quickly as she’d come in, waving cheerfully at Nedley as she did so.
He glanced from Nicole to the hallway where Waverly had passed him, then back again, eyeing Nicole shrewdly. “You look much more relaxed, Officer Haught,” he said in the neutral deadpan that made him so hard to read.
“I’m just…I had a good day.”
“Hmph.” Very much unconvinced and clearly remembering her short temper only an hour before, he waved towards the hallway. “Go on. See you in the morning.”
“Have a great night,” Nicole said cheerfully.
She went down the hallway without a second’s thought, poking her head into BBD only to feel Waverly’s lips on hers before she even saw her. “Wave. Car. House.”
Waverly pulled away, this time looking vaguely embarrassed. “Sorry.”
“No. No, Waverly, it’s not…you have no idea how much I want to…just…not here. Okay? This is where I work.”
Waverly’s eyes glinted. “There’s an easy way to fix that,” she whispered mischievously.
“Oh?”
“Thought you were smarter than that, Officer Haught,” Waverly drawled teasingly, and Nicole’s brain short-circuited, leaving her standing there wide-eyed and wordless and biting her lower lip. Obviously pleased at the result of her joke, Waverly grinned, stood on her tiptoes, and whispered into Nicole’s ear, “Let’s get out of here.”
Nicole had never before realized a person could smile so wide it hurt.
It was a damn good problem to have.
They walked out to the street together, and again Nicole had to keep her hands in her pockets – this time to keep from reaching out and holding Waverly’s hand.
It was only when she was unlocking her car that Nicole remembered picking Waverly up near the Homestead, then dropping her off at Shorty’s. “Hey, how did you get here?”
Waverly squirmed. “I walked?”
“From Shorty’s?” Nicole waved her hands in exasperation. “That’s twice today. It’s ten below out. Are you trying to get hypothermia?”
“I was on a mission!” Waverly protested. She looked around, then stood on her tiptoes again and quickly kissed Nicole’s cheek. “It was a good mission, too!”
Nicole laughed. “Oh, Waverly Earp,” she said, aware that the affection in her voice was so thick that Waverly couldn’t possibly misinterpret it as meaning anything other than I’m-already-halfway-in-love-with-you, “you are something else.”
“That’s why you like me,” Waverly said breezily, but there was a catch to her voice that meant to Nicole that she had, in fact, heard.
So she said, quietly and sincerely, “Damn right I do.”