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Izuku first met Katsuki one week after he moved into his new apartment. It was a hot summer day, one that left him feeling cooped up and suffocating. So Izuku had sought some fresh air on the fire escape of his apartment.
If he were still living with his mother, he would have lied around on the balcony. But as it was, he just sucked it up and lied on the heated metal of the fire escape. It was not his first time seeking fresh air out there. But it was the first time that he saw someone else doing the same.
And since, it has been a reoccurring event. Now it's somehow become their thing, Izuku guesses.
"Oi, are you not coming up?"
"Coming," Izuku calls back and climbs the stairs up to meet Katsuki at the top. "I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I'm only staying until 10."
"It's fine. Just take care of my back and you can go," Katsuki tells him and shoves the ointment into his hand. "I'm going to the roof."
"Are you staying the night? They said that it will rain."
"Fucking finally." Katsuki pulls his tank top off and turns his back to Izuku. "The humidity has been killing me. Hopefully the rain will break that."
"Hmm," Izuku hums as reply and opens the ointment to put a good amount of it on his hand. He's been doing this for a few months now, so he's used to the rough texture of Katsuki's burned flesh against his fingers. But he's still careful when he rubs it in.
The first time Izuku had seen the burns peek out from under Katsuki's hair, he had been too shy to ask. He still doesn't know how Katsuki got them, but he's been responsible for their care ever since Katsuki had seen him steal glances at it.
He had just thrust the ointment into Izuku's hands and told him that since he's staring anyway, he might as well make himself useful.
"So, how is your quirk training going?" Katsuki asks.
The question catches him by surprise since they don't usually talk about that. Izuku finishes applying the ointment and closes off the lid, fidgeting with the small tube. "I'm not sure, actually."
"What's there not to be sure about?"
"It's just..." It's just that Izuku had lied about his quirk and the lie has been dragging on and he can't really talk about his training without adding more lies. "It's hard..."
Katsuki turns to him, smug smile on his face. "It's training. It's supposed to be hard. See my future yet?"
"Not yet," Izuku says. He's not lying per se. He's only felt it. It's warm yet suffocating. And there is always a touch of something cold lurking in the shadows. Izuku can't pinpoint it yet, but he's trying to.
"You said it's better during the night, right?"
"Yeah, less to distract me from what I'm focusing on."
"Then, as thanks for your help, I'll bite. Tomorrow you can train on me."
Izuku opens his mouth to refuse. He absolutely does not want to train on Katsuki. He knows more than he's supposed to know anyway. He can't ask for more. But Izuku holds his tongue and just nods.
Because as night approaches, there is always a hint of fear that grows stronger with the fading light of the day. It's rather subtle now but when they had first met, it had made Izuku break into cold sweat. Katsuki, Izuku thinks guilty, has many demons to fight.
"You look like I killed your cat. Don't force yourself, Deku."
"I told you not to call me that," Izuku says, pulling a face.
"Remember when you dropped my ointment. From the roof."
"That was once!"
"Twice, actually."
"I bought you new ones!"
"A no-good is a no-good."
Izuku hands the ointment over with a little too much force and stomps down the stairs. "I won't help you again. If you are oh-so-great, do it yourself!"
"I'll be on the roof at eight!" Katsuki calls down.
Izuku turns around, ready to stick his tongue out but the words die on his tongue. Katsuki has his back to him, climbing up the stairs to the roof. The shadow is growing steadily around him. Izuku can't help the shudder he's feeling.
He hurries back to his apartment, washes up and hides under his blanket.
This is why, Izuku can't become a hero, why he gave up after his quirk manifested. A hero who feels too much and gets swayed by it, is no good on the battlefield. Even as hides under the thick blanket, the shudders won't stop and the cold won't fade.
Izuku closes his eyes and thinks of his mother and the comforting warmth of her touch. Be it past, present or future, it's always filled with so much warmth. He falls asleep to a glowing light.
To say Izuku is exhausted the next day is an understatement. He fell asleep rather late last night and had to wake up earlier than usual for an appointment with his teacher. Apparently, his control has been improving steadily and they want him to try and use his quirk on multiple people at once, next.
Izuku hates the idea. His control is fragile on his good days and spiky when dark emotions are involved. Having to endure a targeted onslaught of multiple people would be draining.
He makes his way to the roof rather moodily. "Just seeing you makes me shudder," he says when he sees Katsuki sprawled out on the cold cement, topless. He's lying on his stomach, reading some book.
Izuku gets a shrug as reply so he just plops down next to Katsuki and takes the tube of ointment. He traces the lid with his fingers, takes a deep breath and says what's been bothering him for a while now. "You know, you could just leave the lights on. Or use a nightlight."
Izuku can feel how Katsuki's body tenses next to his. It's as if the Katsuki who lets his guard down with Izuku never even existed. He's still tense when he gives Izuku a reply. "It's not just the light."
"What do you mean?"
"Claustrophobia. Gets worse when the light fades."
That explains a lot. It might even be the reason Katsuki freezes for the few seconds when Izuku's hand hovers over his neck. "Do you even sleep in your room?"
Katsuki sits up, closes his book and regards Izuku carefully. "Is this 20 questions? Because if it is, then it's my turn."
"I'm just curious."
"Why have you been lying about your quirk?"
Now it's Izuku's turn to freeze. He can't even look Katsuki in the eyes. He fumbles with the ointment, opens the lid and takes a handful. "Can you...?"
Katsuki turns without a word so Izuku applies it carefully over the burns.
"I haven't really been lying," Izuku starts. "It's more like, I can feel what's in the future, rather than see. But that's not all. I can feel the past, too. And sometimes the present. That's rather rare, though. I'm sorry..." Izuku continues his ministrations, waiting for a reply. When he gets to Katsuki's neck, he tells him so. It's the first time he did it but since the cat is out of the bag, he might as well.
Katsuki rubs his own neck when Izuku is done and turns to him again. "That doesn't answer my question, ya know."
"It's... a violation of your privacy. I'm basically stealing your emotions without your consent. It's disgusting," Izuku whispers. He's been shunned and bullied because people hated being laid bare. Once word of his quirk got out, it spread fast. Even people he never even read got offended.
"Your damn fidgeting is so annoying." Katsuki takes the tube from him and puts it out of his reach. "How do you even read emotions when you can't focus on one thing at a time?"
"I can focus," Izuku immediately protests. But now his hands have nothing to do so his focus shifts from his hands to Katsuki. "I don't read them. I feel them. Though, right now I can only distinguish between warm and cold. Sometimes disgust and embarrassment. I read you by accident," he admits.
"So, you don't know?"
"Don't know what?" Izuku asks. He wants to stand up and get rid of some nervous energy before his quirk is triggered.
"What did you feel when you used your quirk on me?"
"It's my turn," Izuku says and now he's on his feet, pacing. It's involuntary, really. His quirk is lurking just beneath the surface and he would rather avoid using it tonight, when he's trying to apologise for it. "How did you know about my quirk."
Now Katsuki smiles at him and drags him back down by his shirt so that they are sitting face to face again. "Got a mail today, asking for volunteers ready to assist a student with his control. Something about emotions being read and whatnot. I might call you Deku, but I sure as hell know your name."
"Of all the ways to be exposed." Izuku hides his face behind his hands. "I only accepted the test today and they already sent mails around? You aren't even in my university!"
"It's a small world." Katsuki nods. Then he lies back down on his stomach and gives a shudder.
"Does it burn?"
"Only immediately after applying the ointment. It will fade in a bit."
"How?"
Katsuki grimaces, takes his book back into his hands and flips through the pages. Then he closes the book, lies his head on it and sighs. "Villain attack. They tried to kidnap me. Had a grip on my neck. When I resisted, he activated his quirk and burned me from neck down. Before that I was confined. Now claustrophobia triggers phantom pain and vice versa."
Izuku shudders as a strong feeling of disgust washes over him. He glances at Katsuki who has his eyes shut. "Why do you hate yourself for it?"
Katsuki opens his eyes and glares. "Didn't you just apologise for using your quirk on me?"
"My control sucks," Izuku reminds him.
"I can tell. The amount of shit I put up with for you."
"That's harsh."
"Suck it up."
Izuku frowns. He carefully shifts so that he's sitting on Katsuki's thighs and glares at the burns. "You didn't answer my question."
"And I'm not going to."
"That's not how the game works."
"Then it's my turn now. Why the fuck are your hands on my ass?"
"Umm," is Izuku's eloquent reply. He jumps up from Katsuki's thighs and holds his hands up, face burning. "I'm sorry? I just didn't want to touch the burns."
"Be man enough to admit that you wanted to touch it, you coward."
"I'm... what?"
"You really can't tell them apart, can you?" Katsuki sits up and watches him.
Izuku is so lost right now, he just continues to stare, hands still held high.
Then he's being laughed at, so he slowly brings his hands down and feels like an idiot. "Half the time I don't understand what you are talking about."
"Me, too, Deku. I feel the exact same way about you."
"How did we even become friends."
"You are more like my personal nurse."
"I'm going to be a psychiatrist," Izuku says suddenly.
Katsuki stops laughing at that. "That's so random. Even for you, Deku."
"Because you said nurse."
"Then let me be your first patient. What am I feeling right now, Deku?"
Izuku can't focus. Even though it's night and no other emotions can leech into their little space on the roof, for whatever reason, his heart is beating a mile a minute. "Touch makes it easier to focus," he admits.
So Katsuki reaches out and grabs his hand. Izuku does his best to concentrate and read the presence. It's hard with the unreasonable beat of his heart ringing in his ears. But when he's focused enough, he draws out Katsuki's emotions.
And finds himself in a dazzling cloud of warmth. There is the shadow at the very edge of his consciousness that's somehow always around Katsuki but otherwise it's just warmth. Izuku looks up from their hands to meet Katsuki's eyes.
"So, what you feeling doc?"
"Umm... warmth. It's not suffocating though. It's rather dazzling, and engulfing like an embrace."
"Let me teach you a lesson, Deku. The shit you feel right now?" He lets go of Izuku's hand to tab his chest. "That's how I feel for you. Is called love or some shit. You figure out the difference between that and the rest you call warm."
Katsuki, Izuku thinks absentmindedly, Katsuki Bakugou is absolutely amazing. After a declaration like that, he stands up, takes his book and ointment and makes his way towards the fire escape.
Izuku is on his feet in seconds, following him. "Wait, Kacchan!"
"If you call me that one more time, I'll fucking skin you, Deku."
"You... don't people usually kiss or something, after such a declaration?"
"You wish."
Izuku wants to say yes. Yes, he wishes. It's startling because that's the first time he felt like that towards Katsuki. But all he can do is follow Katsuki down the stairs until they stand in front of his window.
Katsuki climbs in and smirks at him. "When you learn to differentiate between these emotions, I'll give you a reward."
Izuku flushes and somewhat screams, "you don't even know if I want to! You confessed!"
"I don't need your quirk to read you. Good night, Deku." And then he leans in, and Izuku has just enough awareness to close his eyes and lean in, too.
That is, until Katsuki smashes their foreheads together and laughs out loud. "Now I know," he says and closes his window.
Izuku gives a silent scream of rage and stomps down the stairs. He's been played like a goddamn puppet. And yet he can't help rubbing his forehead and blushing even more.
He will master his quirk, damn it.
One-week later Izuku gets a list of volunteers that agreed to participate in his training. He's not surprised to find Katsuki on it. He had gotten a warning yesterday, after he had finished applying Katsuki's ointment.
Apparently Katsuki wants to help, since Deku is taking too damn long. He deserves it, for setting such ridiculous conditions. At least Katsuki is suffering with him.