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One boy, lying in his bed, not being able to to fall asleep, turning, twisting. Nagging thoughts on his mind; dread in his heart.
Another boy, lying in the back of his car on the other side of town, not being able to fall asleep, turning in the backseat that he calls bed. Nagging thoughts on his mind; dread in his heart.
Unlike the one in the real bed, he is cold. The scrap of fabric that is his blanket doesn't prevent the cold air from ghosting over his body. Even though he wears almost every piece of clothing he owns- not that he owns a lot- he is freezing.
The chill air feels like icy kisses on his skin. There is nothing to warm him though and no one to help him. He has no place to go to, no one who will expect him to come home. Home is a word that he doesn't know. Hasn't known for years now. Same as family. Only an abstract that people came up with to make one feel better, give one the feeling of comfort and safety, though, is there even one?
Unlike him, the boy in the bed has all the things he doesn't have. He has a warm place to stay at and a family that he calls home.
Somehow the universe hasn't given Theo the opportunity to keep these things in his life, even though it is his fault he lost them in the first place. It is all his fault. He is the one to blame. He is the one who takes responsibility for it and suffers every night through the nightmares his sister caused him with her revenge. For him, it is fair though. He deserves the pain and the things she has done to him. He deserves to be hated and treated like shit. He is not worth the love one could give him.
Not worth the love the boy on the other side of town could give him.
Liam turns around for what feels like the hundredth time that night. He didn't want to stay up late since he knew that his mom would wake him kind of early the next morning, but now he can't fall asleep. His mind is rambling, his thoughts orbiting around one question that has caused an inner debate.
What is Theo doing?
It is a simple question, though, there are so many possible answers to it. Also, it is not only about what he is doing right that second, no, it is about what he is going to do the next day. If he is going to be alone or if he is going to find the courage to ask someone to stay at their place; preferably Liam.
Though, all his answers lead to the conclusion that Theo is not going to do anything at all. He will spend all day in his car, on the streets or in the preserve. Which means that he will be alone on Christmas and that is not something Liam can accept. Especially not when he wants the boy he loves to be happy.
The boy he loves.
Something that he wouldn't say out loud, not to himself, to his friends, and definitely not to said boy.
But only because he cannot say it, doesn't mean that he cannot show his love in ways like inviting him over for Christmas- which he tried very often actually- and giving him the feeling that he has a place to call home. He has tried to tell him that he is always welcome at his place but Theo is too stubborn to accept the fact that someone wants to make him feel good and give him happiness.
The boy is not used to having someone who cares for him and that fact alone breaks his heart. Sure, he hasn't been the best person in the past but he has changed. He has changed so much for the better. And Liam can see that the regret is almost eating him up alive. Can see it when his past gets mentioned; by the way he flinches and the sadness takes over the expression on his face.
To everyone else, Theo is a mystery. A riddle that cannot be solved. Always having his guards up to prevent himself from getting hurt even more. But Liam's relationship to Theo is different, somehow he has managed to get an inside on what lies behind these guards, has found a way to enter this mysterious place, even if it's only at times.
And what he has found there are so many facets of Theo, so many things worth loving and protecting. A vulnerable boy who lost his family. A brother who regrets betraying his only sister. A chimera who is still in denial of being a part of the pack. A friend to the ones he was once an enemy for.
All these things, all these facets and even more, form the boy he is in love with.
A thought crosses his mind, not for the first time that night, but now he is determined to go with it and do what his brain is telling him. It is the right thing to do, he knows it.
Theo has heard that when you pretend like it's not cold and you imagine yourself at a sunny and warm place, you'll also feel like you're warm, but now he has proof that this technique doesn't work.
He is cold and no imagination could change that. No scenario he has come up with in the last hour made him feel any better.
Not the one about him driving in his truck while the warm summer breeze ruffles through his hair.
Nor the one about him lying in Liam's strong arms, the warmth that's radiating off of his body engulfing him. There is no warmth though, and neither is there a body that holds him to prevent him from freezing. He is all on his own.
The only good thing about the theory being wrong is that he can't fall asleep and therefore he won't have any nightmares that night. He can't recall the last time he had a good night's sleep. Maybe before he went to hell? Or even before Tara died? However, it doesn't really matter. It is not like he deserves to sleep well.
He has done too much bad and caused too much pain to be one of the people who the universe treats with respect and good things. If there is something like karma points, then his have probably never been on the positive side.
At nights like this, he feels very miserable. It's gotten better but he can't help to fall back in the hole that he had dug himself. There, he doesn't even try to be the best version of himself, not like he does when he is with Liam. He lets all his guards down and shows a side of himself that he is afraid to show to anyone else. The vulnerability strangles him but at the same time gives him free to all the emotions he has tried to drown before he had gone to hell.
The turning event. Hell. Funnily, getting his heart ripped out of his ribcage was really eye-opening. Suddenly, he couldn't suppress his past anymore. He couldn't deny the fact that he killed his sister in spite of saving himself anymore. Finally, he saw the failure the dread doctors had always called him. Though, this failure is not the one they had seen in him. Their definition had always been about being a successful experiment or not. His definition, however, doesn't even match in the slightest with it; it's about failing his sister. Failing the role as a brother. A son. The role he had played before the dread doctors had come to his life.
Though, the question he can't get off his mind is, what role does he play now?
He laughs at himself at that. Looks around in the truck that has been his home for over half a year by now. Home. Well, that's a big word one would use to describe where he feels most comfortable at, probably. Since he doesn't know such place though, he is not in the position to call anything home, not even this goddamn truck.
Liam hasn't taken the car but his old bike instead. When he is on the bike he can search way easier and also, they have to drive together on the way back to his place. If they even go there. Theo can be very stubborn at times- all the time actually- and especially when it comes to this topic, so it will hopefully not evolve to a hot discussion that Liam might not win, even though he is just as stubborn as the chimera.
It doesn't take him long to get to the other side of town and find Theo's lately usual parking spot. There, the blue truck is standing in the complete silence, all alone, and if there wasn't a familiar steady heartbeat audible Liam had even believed that no one was in it. He gets off his bike and crosses the parking lot, stopping right in front of the window where he can see Theo through. The other boy is lying in the backseat, his hood up and the blanket pulled up to prevent his face from getting cold. Not even the walls of the car can keep the crisp night air from finding its way in.
Liam's anger blooms up a little when he thinks about Theo being cold and not asking for any help. It's not like there are no people whose places he could crash at. Liam's place for example, but of course the so called big bad chimera can deal with freezing to death. He knows that he is a little overdramatic, though, no one can blame him for rather having the boy he loves in a warm bed than the backseat of a truck, especially when it's as a cold outside as it is that night.
It is only the beginning of winter and werewolves don't get cold as easily as other creatures, but Liam knows that it's not about that. His rage is building up because of other reasons and exactly these reasons cause him to knock on the window of the blue truck.
Theo cranes his neck to get a look at who is standing outside and gets met with a pair of piercing blue eyes. The shade is so familiar by now that he doesn't even has to listen to the heartbeat of the person to know that it's Liam. Though, why the fuck would the beta come to his truck in the middle of the night, especially when it's freezing outside.
"Liam?" His voice is nothing more than a whisper, a call for something that he doesn't know he needs yet.
When the beta doesn't reply, Theo is already scared that he hasn't heard him, has left again or hasn't even been there in the first place. The drumming heart is the only validation that he is still there. That he hasn't only been a vivid dream, an imagination to make Theo feel better, to give him some hope he thought he had long lost that night.
They stay silent, only their breathing audible, Liam's is even visible on the fogged glass. Parted through the window of the car, both of them reachable for the other, yet not quite there. Neither has an idea of why the other doesn't speak up, still, there is some sort of silent commitment.
Again, two boys, one in the back seat of his truck, the other right there with him. Still, they're not there yet where they are supposed to be. The one boy afraid of asking for what he craves. The other boy afraid of giving what the other deserves. Apart but close. Yet, it looks like the ending of it is nearing.
Overcoming the last distance seems so easy, however, it is one of the hardest things the two have had ever to do. The tension is building up, causing the fresh air to feel heavy, like all the things that are weighing on their shoulders.
"Theo?"
One question. One word. Four letters. Almost no voice in them. Whispered. Yet, they're just the beginning of what will turn their whole lives upside down. Something neither of them is aware of, still.
Liam pauses again before he continues, "Can I come in?"
Finally , Theo thinks, some of the weight lifting off his shoulders, anticipation of what will follow blooming up inside him. It is funny what turn his night has suddenly taken, all of it Liam's work, and the feeling it mostly causes is relief, for not having to think about his burdens and mistakes anymore, for slowly crawling out of the hole, the hands that have been keeping him there releasing him.
The door swings open, revealing Liam, hair messy, rosy cheeks and nose, bright blue eyes scanning his features, until they eventually lock with Theo's green ones. The beta gets in the car, closing the door behind him, the distance between their bodies now even easier to overcome.
"Come here, you are freezing," Liam demands, opening his arms to give him space to cuddle up against him, though, Theo only raises his eyebrow at that. "Don't give me that look. I know you are supernatural and not as cold as humans but you're still colder than me, so come here. There is no place to argue. You know I'm right."
Theo is stubborn but he is not stupid, so he does as he has been told, surrenders before the argument has even started. He shuffles closer to Liam, their bodies now pressing against each other, Theo lying on Liam's chest. The warmth that's radiating off of Liam immediately engulfs him, causing him to relax and something settles inside of him. His animals tamed by Liam, his anchor. It's just like he has imagined it earlier that night.
“Why are you here,” Theo voices the question that’s been nagging on him ever since Liam’s sudden appearance. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you are here, very glad even, but I can’t stop wondering why you showed up here in the middle of the night.”
Liam sighs, “well, tomorrow is Christmas.” Theo looks up at that, it is not like it is news to him, but he can’t get his head around why this might be an explanation for Liam being here with him. Their eyes lock again, Theo searching for an answer in the blue, Liam finding something in the green; causing him to continue- his tone soft, quiet, calming-, “I didn’t want you to be alone on Christmas Eve.” And all the days after that , he adds silently.
A new shade seems to appear in Liam’s iris, something different, unique even, indescribable, ineffable? Caused by the softness of his words? By his feelings? Theo doesn’t know, calls it magical, maybe even supernatural. But most definitely captivating and wonderful. Gleaming in the darkness, representing the silver lining Liam is for him that night, ever since he had come back from hell, actually.
“What is it?” The beta asks, eyebrows raised in curiosity, making him look like the puppy he actually is.
“Nothing, pup,” Theo assures him fondly, “I have just been lost in my thoughts for a moment.” Liam grins down on him at that, the corners of his eyes crinkling and his nose wrinkling adorably. A smile tugs on Theo’s lips at the softness that’s displayed on Liam’s face. Somehow his hand gets a mind on its and cups Liam’s cheek, his thumb stroking over his cheekbone. “Thank you,” he breathes out, the meaning of it understandable for the both of them, replacing the rest of the tension that’s been hanging between them with something new, yet, already known. Theo withdraws his hand, the ghost of their touch still lingering on his fingers, almost tingling, even.
“Theo,” Liam starts, “you wanna know the other reason why I came here tonight?” Theo nods. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you being all on your own, in your truck where it’s obviously cold, when you could also be sleeping at my place where it’s warm and where you can have an actual bed.”
Liam sighs deeply, “Theo, can you please not be stubborn for the first time in your life and accept my help. You deserve it. You deserve so much.” Their eyes lock, blue finding green. Liam finding Theo. Theo finding Liam. Suddenly, he finds all the courage he needs to form words for the strongest emotion he feels when he thinks of Theo, when he is around him and when they are apart, like they have been at the beginning of that night, “I love you.” His voice is not steady, not like he has imagined it all the times when he thought about the moment he would say it for the first time, but it doesn’t matter, not at all, since the look on Theo’s face is more than he could have ever wished for. Surprise is what he finds there first but then it changes to something that Liam can only describe as love. The swirling green shades in his irises, the fond smile and the rosy cheeks. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and causes him to fall in love with the boy all over again.
Suddenly, Theo pulls him down by the collar of his jacket, their lips pressing together in a soft kiss, fitting together as perfectly as puzzle pieces. Everything seems to finally make sense.
When they part Theo whispers, “I love you, too. Let's go home.” Both of them know the words hold so much power in them. So much hope.
Two boys in the backseat of a truck, their paths have eventually crossed and everything has worked out as it has been destined right from the beginning. Nothing seems to matter anymore, not the nagging thoughts, Theo’s past or how it has taken so long for them to finally get on the same page. They’ll work through their difficulties, just as the universe has already written it in the stars for them.
One boy finds a home, the other a new meaning to it. One boy gets a family, the other a new member to it. Green finds blue. Theo finds someone he can call home. Never had he thought that one day he would be one of the people who calls a person home. It just took a pair of piercing blue eyes to show him the light in the dark.
The stars hold his future in them, written somewhere up there. They know that the hands that's been keeping him in the hole for so long will eventually set him free. That he will move on with the boy he loves by his side. Not forgetting his past but forgiving himself.