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Sam woke up and stretched. Clarence was no longer in the bed, but he was still in the room, sipping coffee and watching something on his phone. He looked over when he noticed Sam was stirring. “Good morning, Dean.”
Sam flinched until he remembered that he’d given his name as Dean the night before. Clarence had obviously given him a fake name, so he decided to match that, and given the limited time had only been able to come up with Dean. “Good morning, Clarence. How much longer are you gonna stay?”
“Not long. I just wanted to be sure you didn’t think I ditched you or anything.” Castiel got to his feet, holding up a piece of paper. “My phone numbers are on the desk here, along with email address and Twitter. Feel free to contact me any time if you’d like to meet up again. I’d like to stay longer, but I have to go pick up my son.”
“How old is your son?”
“Eleven. I find it hard to believe he’ll be starting middle school next fall, but he is.” Sam could sympathize. As a fifth-grade teacher, he’d seen it from parents before, frequently. “It’s hard, since it’s just the two of us. His mother’s dead, and his grandparents are kind enough to look after him one weekend a month, but other than that don’t have much to do with him. He reminds them too much of their daughter.”
Sam froze, one foot half in his pants leg. That story sounded familiar. “Okay, uh, this is gonna sound kind of weird, but… is your real name Castiel?”
Clarence narrowed his eyes, staring at Sam. “It is. Do we know each other?”
“Um.” Sam finished putting on his pants while he tried to find the words to explain. “Yeah, we do. My real name is Sam.” When there was no sign of recognition, Sam continued, “Winchester.”
Now Castiel’s eyes widened in recognition. “Jack’s teacher. The one who has helped Jack become so much better. Yes. We do know each other.”
When Jack Kline had been assigned to Sam’s class, his fourth grade teacher, Rebecca Warren, had come up to brief him on his new problem student. “He’s got some serious emotional disturbance, stemming from his mother’s death. He’s a good kid with a great heart, but he refuses to apply himself to his schoolwork, meaning he’s barely passed every year. He’s smart, obviously, since he’s had no trouble with the state testing, but he will end up with Cs in your class.”
“We’ll see about that.” Sam hated the thought of starting the school year having already given up on one of his students, especially one who it sounded like needed someone to believe in him. “What’s his family life like? You said his mom’s dead, is there a stepmom?”
“No. Just his father, ex-military who is frequently busy. His father cares very much for him, but doesn’t seem to have any idea how to reach him. The biggest problem you’ll have is his outbursts. Whenever he makes a mistake he thinks he shouldn’t have, he’ll start yelling at himself, calling himself all kinds of names, even start hitting himself. Trying to stop him will just make it worse. His father’s scared that one day he might seriously hurt himself. He’s been to several therapists but none of them have had much success in getting through to him.”
“Well, I’ll wait and see before judging him.”
The first couple weeks were like a honeymoon period – Jack did his work, participated in discussions, and seemed like any other student in Sam’s class. Sam had just let himself relax when Jack knocked over a cup of water for rinsing paint brushes during an art lesson.
“Stupid! You’re so stupid!” Jack went to the sink for paper towels, shouting at himself the whole way.
Sam took the paper towels from Jack. He looked the boy in the eyes. “Step out into the hall, okay? I’ll be there once the water’s cleaned up.”
When the door closed behind Jack, the other kids burst into giggles. “He is stupid,” one girl commented. “He’s so dumb.”
“No, he isn’t, and being told he is doesn’t help anyone,” Sam reprimanded her. He thrust the paper towels into her hands. “Get this cleaned up.”
Out in the hall, Jack was still calling himself names. Sam caught his hand as he started to swing a fist at his chest. “Hey. What’s that supposed to help?”
“I deserve punishment but no one’s ever willing to punish me,” Jack said. “So I do it myself.”
“Fine. You want punishment? You have detention. I’ll see you after school tomorrow.”
Jack tilted his head, staring at Sam. “Why tomorrow? Why not today?”
“Because I know your dad picks you up after school, and I don’t want him to have to wait for you. Be sure to tell him you’re staying half an hour late tomorrow, okay?”
Castiel had not been impressed with Jack’s detention, and he called Sam to let him know that. Sam held his ground. “I know he’s troubled, but he told me he punishes himself because his teachers won’t. If I establish that I’ll punish him, maybe it will help avoid the outbursts. If it doesn’t help, it at least won’t hurt anything.”
Castiel had agreed to it, and now, Sam had Jack sitting on his desk. “Why do you think you deserve to be punished for your mistakes?”
“Because if I’m punished, it will help me not to do it again. I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, and sometimes, people get hurt. If I hurt someone, shouldn’t I get hurt back?”
“How does that help anything? Hurting yourself doesn’t make the other person not hurt, you know. It just means that there are two people hurting.” Jack didn’t answer. “Yesterday, with the water, no one got hurt. Some things got wet, but water dries and nothing got damaged. Why did you deserve to be punished for that?”
“Because next time it might not be water in there! It might be something at lunch that I splash on someone allergic! Or I might get something on my dad when we’re cleaning up together!”
“And yelling at yourself stops you from making the mistake again?”
“Well, no.”
“Then maybe next time you make a mistake and no one gets hurt, instead of calling yourself stupid, tell yourself that you made a mistake and you should be more careful in the future.”
“Okay, but what if someone does get hurt?”
“Then you apologize to them, do what you can to help them feel better, and promise to be more careful. If you feel the need to be punished, talk to me or your dad.” Sam reached out and put a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “And if you still feel the need to yell at yourself, I won’t stop you, but you should step outside so that the other kids don’t hear it, okay?”
It didn’t magically fix Jack’s problems, but by Christmas, Jack had managed to stop himself mid-outburst a few times to go out into the hall, and not every mistake was followed by an outburst. He started staying after school once a week – sometimes it was punishment, sometimes it was just that he wanted to spend time with someone he felt understood him better than anyone else ever had, even his dad.
Right before Christmas, Jack asked him about that. Sam smiled sadly. “I can relate to you. My mom died when I was six months old, and my dad never remarried. I had my older brother, but I know what it’s like to grow up without a mom and with a dad who can’t be there the way other dads can for their kids.”
Jack stayed silent a moment, then looked up at Sam with big, scared eyes. “Did anyone ever tell you you’re the reason your mom is dead?”
“Dad did a few times. Only when he was drunk, and even then he tried not to say anything about it where I could hear him, but I did.”
Jack ran to Sam and hugged him. “My grandmother told me once that I killed my mom. She apologized the next day when I asked why I didn’t go to jail for killing her, and said that it wasn’t my fault and she shouldn’t have said that, but it stuck with me.”
“Yeah, I can understand that.” Sam ruffled Jack’s hair. “Your grandmother was right that it wasn’t your fault. You trust me to punish you when you deserve it, right?” Jack nodded. “I wouldn’t punish you for what happened to your mom. Nothing you could have done could have saved her, and I’m sure she doesn’t regret giving you a chance to live.”
“Did you have problems like me? Is that why you know how to help me?”
“Not exactly. I never had outbursts like you, but I felt the need to hold myself to impossible standards and punish myself when I made mistakes. Instead of beating myself up, I’d just stand there and let bullies do it for me, that kind of thing.” Jack flinched. “Mine was much quieter, but no less destructive, and I didn’t get proper help until I got into college and started seeing a counselor there.”
“So what happens now?” Castiel asked. “I know your bosses would probably not approve of you hooking up with a student’s parent, but it was an honest mistake.”
“Well, it’s May, there’s only a month left of school. One time, where we didn’t realize what happened until too late, they probably won’t care about.” Sam finished buttoning up his shirt. “And then, if you’ll let me, I go above and beyond my job requirements and don’t just let Jack go on without ever seeing him again. I’d already been thinking about calling you to talk about me and Jack meeting up once a week or so as a sort of mentoring thing, especially with the transition to middle school coming. Jack’s grown so much this year. I’d hate to see him regress.”
“At which point we could establish a proper friendship and potential relationship,” Castiel agreed. “I know Jack would approve.” He headed for the door, stopping with his hand on the knob. “It’s only a month, but I still don’t want to wait.”
“Yeah, I don’t either.” Sam found his shoes and got them on while he thought. “A month out is a good enough justification for me to get in contact with you to start planning for a summer mentorship plan, so there’s a good excuse for us to call each other frequently, and it might be a good idea to meet with Jack outside of the familiar environment of school before there’s no other option. Of course, it would be only natural for his parent to want to be there to make sure things were going to work. So we have an excuse to meet up, at least.”
“Good.” Castiel smiled. “As it happens, my boss is forcing me to take Thursday off this week. Could I come in for a parent-teacher conference after school to talk about a plan to help Jack with the transition to middle school?”
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Sam got to his feet and checked for anything that either of them left behind, making sure to grab the paper with Castiel’s contact information. “See you Thursday.”
At first, Jack was confused when Sam asked him to stay after school on Thursday. “But… you never ask me to stay on the same day. And Dad’s not going to be late today, he’s not even working.”
“Your dad’s coming in to talk to me, and since it’s about you, I thought you’d like to be here for it.”
Jack’s eyes got huge. “But… I haven’t been in trouble at all in the last two weeks! Why do you need to talk to my dad?”
“School’s ending in a month or so, and your dad and I think you could use some help with the transition to middle school. You haven’t been in trouble nearly as much this year as most years, and we’d like to help you keep that up. Middle school’s going to be tough. So many new people and new routines and new pressures, and it’s going to be hard for you to build the same kind of relationship with seven teachers that you see for less than an hour a day that you did with me.”
Jack ran to Sam and hugged him. “You could fail me! You could make me repeat fifth grade!”
“I could, but that wouldn’t be fair to you, would it? They probably wouldn’t put you in my class again – since I didn’t get you to pass, another teacher with a different approach should be given a chance.” Sam cut off as the door opened and Castiel walked in.
Sam laid out the plan he’d been working on since waking up with Castiel Sunday morning: from now until the end of school, the three of them would pick an afternoon or a weekend time to do something together outside of school once a week. Over the summer, Sam would come over to babysit Jack twice a week. “When school starts, I know you don’t much like gym class, but you should give the gym teacher there a chance, Jack. If the two of you can get along, he can take over enforcing detentions if you feel you need them.”
“Why the gym teacher? Why not one I have a better chance of liking?”
Sam grinned. “Well, I hope you’ll give this gym teacher a chance, because he’s my big brother. He promised me last October that he’d keep an eye on you when you got to middle school, so try to have a little faith, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Jack promised. “Can I meet him this summer instead of waiting until September? It might help if I know him before.”
“Sure.” He looked over to Castiel. “Fishing trip to the lake?” Castiel agreed to that.
Things went smoothly, until the first time Sam came over after school was out. It started well, but half an hour before Castiel was due to get home, Jack pushed Sam into a chair in the kitchen. “Dad says he plans to ask you out today and he’s confident you’ll say yes. Is that why you care so much about me? To get to my dad?”
“No. At first, I cared about you because I care about all of my students. You needed me more, so I cared about you more. I’d never even met your dad until last month, and every phone conversation we’d ever had until then was about you.”
“So you’re interested in my dad because you care about me? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I’m interested in your dad because your dad’s interesting. Do you have a problem with me and your dad dating?”
Jack opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He crossed his arms. “You’re not gonna die, are you?”
“Not any time soon,” Sam promised.
“What if you and Dad break up? The last time he tried dating, she just disappeared when they decided to break up.”
Oh. Now Sam understood Jack’s fear. “Well, it might be awkward, but your dad’s a good guy who wants the best for you. I’m sure he won’t refuse to let you see me, and I’m definitely not gonna refuse to spend time with you.”
“Okay. Good.” Jack relaxed, plopping into another chair. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Jack.” He wanted to reassure Jack more, but there was a slightly more pressing issue. “Cas? How long have you been listening?”
“Long enough. Hello, Sam. I see Jack’s told you my plan.” Castiel put an arm around Jack. “Jack, after what happened with Meg, do you think I would get seriously involved with anyone who I didn’t trust with you?”
“No, I guess not, but…” Jack looked up at his dad. “Does this mean Sam’s family?”
“He can be, if you and he both want that,” Castiel promised. “Even if he and I don’t work out as a couple, I know Sam’s become like a father to you, and I would never cut you off from that.”
By the fishing trip at the end of July, Jack was a very different kid than the one who’d showed up in Sam’s class the previous September. He’d taken an immediate liking to Dean, bonding over a shared love of sugary cereal and a shared glee in annoying Sam with their food choices. Sam let Dean do the gym teacher thing – fishing was, technically, a sport and sports were gym teacher jobs – and took a walk around the lake with Castiel. “This is exactly what Jack and I needed,” Castiel said. “Thank you.”
“Jack, I get. He needed someone who got him and could reach him where he was. You?”
“Me. After Kelly’s death, after Meg… I got so scared of doing anything to hurt Jack that I cut myself off from everything but looking after Jack and working. One-night stands, I could do sometimes, but I was scared to death to leave you my phone number that night in May.” Castiel stopped under a giant maple tree, reaching out to take both of Sam’s hands. “Sam, I realize this is moving very fast, but it feels right. I would completely understand if you aren’t comfortable saying yes now, but I would like you to marry me. Be Jack’s dad for real.”
Sam’s breath caught, and he squeezed Castiel’s hands. “I would love to.” He grinned. “You know how Dean pulled me to the bathroom with him at the gas station? He was telling me that if he didn’t have a brother-in-law and a nephew by Christmas, he was dragging our asses to a courthouse. He’s always been a really good judge of character, so I’m good with this being fast.”