Chapter Text
I. The Party
Michael’s mother was a lovely woman. She was attractive, with long dark hair elaborately braided and a warm, genuine smile, but she was mostly and simply lovely, her personality as warm and genuine as her smile. Lorca caught a glimpse of her husband over her shoulders and wondered how on Earth - or Vulcan - that stiff and almost gangly pole had managed to win himself such a great wife. He had been surprised when she had approached him and introduced herself but he was glad she had: feeling out of place, he had been hovering near the buffet, pretending to struggle between prawns or cheese canapes, and getting close to giving up and making an escape. Only shame had kept him there this long - shame of his own cowardice, shame at the thought of disappointing Burnham again. He could feel her eyes on him from time to time, often met hers when he looked for her in turn. She always gave him the tiniest of smile so he knew she wanted him there. He had no idea why and tried not to think about it, because whenever he did the shame was there again, this time because he was so utterly glad she did. Because it made him want to run away from there even more, with her, to somewhere dark and quiet.
“I think I may have finally worn you down, Captain.”
Lorca blinked, realised he had let his mind wander. It often did that when he thought about Burnham. “I’m sorry - you haven’t, Lady Amanda.. I think I just bored myself.”
Lady Amanda laughed. “I know the feeling. I have too many years as an Ambassador’s wife. Small talk’s become horrifically easy.”
“Whatever gets you through the evening,” he replied, raising his glass to her and gulping down its content. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re really good at it. It doesn’t feel at all like small talk. It’s quite the talent.”
“Captain Lorca, are you flirting with me?” She was grinning and squeezing his forearm before he could blurt out an apology. “I am sorry, Captain - I was only teasing. It just reminded me of Sarek’s marriage proposal.”
“That romantic, was it?”
“It was sincere. I didn’t need anything more.”
“And what talent of his got you to say yes?” No sooner had the words come out of his mouth that he realised what his question could insinuate, and if the very slight and charming reddening of her cheeks was anything to go by, so did Lady Amanda. She didn’t, however, seem to be offended.
“His sense of humour.”
Lorca found himself smiling sincerely for the first time that evening. Maybe it was that famous Vulcan telepathy, but as Lady Amanda turned her head slightly to look at her husband, Sarek’s gaze moved from the person talking to him towards his wife. His expression didn’t change but hers certainly did. He had to be downright hilarious, if the tenderness that came into her eyes was anything to go by. The Vulcan excused himself from the conversation he’d been involved in and joined them.
“Captain Lorca,” he greeted him. “I am glad to find you here. Starfleet has just confirmed to me that our request has been approved.”
And now Lorca felt his smile turn into a grin.
“Sarek? Does that mean Michael…?” Sarek nodded. Lady Amanda seemed to take in a deep breath. “That’s just… Wonderful. She’s going to be so pleased. Thank you, Captain - your testimony -.”
“I did nothing except tell the truth and urge them to right a terrible wrong. And believe me, Michael - “ He paused, a knot of emotion suddenly gripping his throat. How much had he had to drink? “She earned it. You got nothing to thank me for. On the other hand I got to thank your husband, because I wouldn’t have been able to put up with the top brass even looking like they might say no.”
“As you say, Captain, we were looking to make right an injustice. It was my privilege to do so.” He reached into a fold of his robes and brought out a Commander’s insignia. “I thought you might wish to return this to her.”
Lorca stared at the insignia for a moment. So much of him wanted to. Wanted to be the one to bring her joy. He was a selfish asshole like that. But he knew that there was a greater joy for her to be had. “I do. But I think it best if you do it. She knows what I think of her, what I think she deserves.” Even if only a small part of it. “She needs to know that’s what you think, too, Ambassador.”
It was just as well that Lorca had a high tolerance for awkwardness: it had served him well in his dealings with Sylvia Tilly and now it meant that he was quite able to hold Sarek’s silent stare. And for all her chattiness, Lady Amanda was also clearly used to Vulcan silences, and she stood waiting by her husband without saying a word - although her eyes again said plenty, at least to Lorca.
“That is possible,” Sarek agreed at last, returning the insignia to his robes. “There is one more thing, Captain. Starfleet made a request of me as well: that I should convince you to retain your commission.”
“You are leaving Starfleet?”
Lorca sighed, slightly irritated that Sarek would bring that up there and now. He didn’t want to keep it a secret, but he wasn’t entirely prepared for the world to know yet. Or his crew. It would make it real, once they knew.
“I am,” he replied to Lady Amanda. It was obvious she desperately wanted to ask him why, which he found a little odd since they did not know each other and she didn’t come across as a gossip.
They exchanged good-byes, Lorca confirming the time they were expecting Sarek to board Discovery for his return trip to Vulcan, where they were going to pick up a new medical officer. He watched the couple join Michael’s side, and then the three of them heading out. He hesitated only briefly before following them - he should really leave her to this moment, but if he couldn’t be the one to make her happy, he could at least watch her be happy.
He really was a selfish asshole.