Chapter Text
The little boy had heard the news from his father, earlier that day. It had been during breakfast, they usually had a bit of protein before their 6 am work-outs. His usually jovial Papa took an unusually serious tone, kneeling down next to him, putting his large hand on his shoulder and explaining very calmly that Kakashi’s father had passed away, and it was big news in the village.
“Be kind to your rival today, okay Gai? People will be talking, it will be hard for him,” Dai was speaking in such a serious manner it made Might Gai a little nervous. Though he was young, he understood death. His father had explained it to him before, that they were at war, and that the people they sometimes saw weeping in the street, or the black processions going by were a part of life.
Might Dai had smiled at him as he explained it. “Even though I’m only a genin, theres a chance one day I may not come home to you, as that’s the time we live in. If such a thing occurs then you must be very strong Gai, and remember how much I love you, and that I’ll always be looking down on you, encouraging you to do your best!” Gai remembered his father squeezing him tight as he told him these things he didn’t fully understand, but it was making his father emotional enough to weep. Which of course caused him to cry too. “Never let grief stop you from achieving your goals, if I pass you must continue on, and protect the village and all those you love!” Gai had nodded, crying hysterically as his father held him. He had thought resolutely he would be strong if his Papa died, he had to be, but the idea scared him a lot, and that night he had crept into his father’s bed and clung to him.
So this had happened to Kakashi’s father? He remembered the white haired man walking besides Kakashi. Kakashi’s father was super cool, just like Kakashi. Might Gai had heard stories about him, when people spoke to Kakashi it was hard to ignore the title of “the son of the White Fang”. His dad was a legend within the village that everyone knew. He also looked like an older version of Kakashi, not as pretty as Kakashi of course, no one was, but he was still very pretty, especially to Gai. He remembered how Kakashi’s father had always been so poised and polite when he’d seen him, though he usually seemed a bit tired when he walked with Kakashi. He had seemed very kind too, he smiled at Gai every time he walked by him. One time he’d even ruffled his hair and asked him about he and Kakashi’s friendship. He was a stark contrast to his son who gave everyone in his path a death glare. He had died? It seemed unreal. Might Gai’s heart broke for his rival. Even if Kakashi didn’t feel the same, to him Kakashi was his bestfriend, and the idea of losing his own dad made him want to burst into tears.
As him and Might Dai walked to school Might Gai steeled himself for the usual snickers, and his father’s joyful catchphrase “Thank you for your support!”. Even though he had come to understand his father, and he too had learned to let people’s doubts and cruelty motivate him to be better, it struck a nerve when they talked about his Papa. Today however, they walked through the streets innocuous. People were whispering to each other and mulling in the streets. A few hit his ears. “The White Fang is dead,”, “I heard it was harakiri,”, “His son found him, can you imagine?” “How pathetic...” Gai didn’t know what harakiri was, but he knew full well what pathetic meant, he’d heard his father be called it thousands of time. Might Gai felt his hands clench into fists. People talking about Kakashi’s father so openly made his face burn, he wanted to tell them to stop, it was disrespectful and seemed so wrong to him. The voices suddenly became fainter, as his father had unceremoniously lifted him up and began running towards the academy. “I’m not a baby Papa!” Gai shouted, incredulous his father was carrying him. Might Dai gave him a wide grin, but something Gai couldn’t quite read swam in the back of his eyes. “I just thought racing to the school was a much better way to use our time, it will vitalize our bodies and empower us for the rest of the day!” Gai grinned wildly as he squirmed out of his father’s arms, forgetting his previous train of thought. He began running besides him, anger quickly dissipating as they jumped from roof top to roof top. His father was right, this was a much more youthful way to spend the morning. As he bounded down to the entrance of the academy his father whipped him into an intense embrace. “Do your absolute best today Gai! I love you!” Might Gai nodded resolutely and gave two thumbs up, “I never do anything but my absolute best Papa! I love you too!” before he went skipping into the academy.
Might Gai ran down the halls to his classroom, running his little hands along the walls and humming happily to himself. Though he still got snickers and looks within the academy, they were directed at him and not his father, so it didn’t bother him in the slightest. Today however there were again, no remarks. Not even a dirty look. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, huddled into groups. He heard “The White Fang” over and over. He picked up speed, practically bolting down the halls towards his own classroom, trying to block out any extraneous noise. He was pretty early when arrived, to his surprise Kakashi was arriving at the same time. His heart began beating rapidly as he remembered his father’s words. He ran up to the boy who on sight was glaring daggers into him.
“Kakashi I’m so sorry about your-“
“Don’t.” Kakashi sneered at the older boy. “You think I’m mourning for that worthless scum?” Every word was dripping with venom as he turned away from Gai’s shocked face “Don’t talk to me.” He finished, stalking up the stairs to the last row and sitting in the furthest corner. Might Gai pulled on his spandex sleeve for a moment before a small smile returned “Well if you ever need to talk! I’m here!” He called up before taking a seat in the first row. Kakashi didn’t acknowledge it, but he felt good knowing even if Kakashi had been mean, he had told him he cared about him. He wanted Kakashi to know that.
After a few moments more kids filed in, and a boy and a girl sat a few seats away from him next to each other. One was tan and tall, taller then Gai even, with broad shoulders and a self-assured expression. He knew the kid but he was so bad at putting names to faces. He watched as he tilted back in his chair, rocking back and forth. The girl next to him was very fair, with dark hair and red eyes and she was watching the boy next to her. He racked his brain. They’d had to read about clan stuff, which he, not being from one had not found particularly interesting, minus learning about the Inuzuka, when Kakashi and another girl had raised their hands and said they had Inuzuka blood, he’d poured over the chapter excitedly. It had been interesting, and he often wondered now if Kakashi had sharp teeth like the Inuzuka in the pictures under his mask. He wondered what was under Kakashi’s mask...a lot. The girl though. He was pretty sure they had read a chapter about a clan of black haired people with red eyes. The clan had been scary to read about but he had lost interest in the chapter pretty quickly, despite trying his hardest to focus. He did remember vaguely that someone in the class had been talking excitedly during the chapter. His eyes knitted together as he racked his brain. No, he said shaking his head decisively. It had been a boy.
Gai glanced back at Kakashi, he was sitting alone, face impassive. Might Gai often wondered how his rival looked so effortlessly cool always. Even on such a sad day he seemed unbothered. Kakashi noticed him staring and shot him a mean look. He gave him a quick thumbs up before looking away.
“I know he killed himself, my Dad told me. He did it the old fashioned way, the ooold school “I’m sorry”. My dad was pressed, guess the guy was one of his best. Anyway, it’s super fucked up.”
The tan boy was now laying back, feet propped on the table, looking rather bored as he relayed the news.
Might Gai’s hands balled into fists. If they kept talking, he’d have to intervene, as any good citizen would, Kakashi shouldn’t be subjected to such talk, especially in such a manner.
“Asuma!” He watched as the dark haired girl gave him a hard stare. He relaxed. The girl was making him stop. That was his name, though, he remembered, Asuma. The son of the Hokage. His sources would be good, but The White Fang? He killed himself? Kakashi’s father?
There was no way, why would anyone ever do such a thing. Yet if the source was the Hokage...How could Kakashi’s father done such a terrible sad thing? Life was precious and wonderful and you had to grasp every moment to be the best you you could be. Even when he was sad or things got hard Gai always knew to just try again tomorrow. Life was full of so much joy. The idea of someone ending their life on purpose made Might Gai’s stomach do summersaults. He wondered if such a disposition was genetic. Glancing back Kakashi was now laying on his desk, head in hands. He frowned.
As his teacher walked in he chewed on his lip. Nervous energy building up. Might Gai liked school! He liked to learn! He’d worked very hard to get into the academy, starting later then the other children as an alternate. Still, a lot of times he wasn’t very good, but that was more motivation to grow! Today however Might Gai was very worried about Kakashi...
“Shinobi are an integral part of our society,” Their professor began. “and being shinobi means we have to be willing to give our lives to protect others if needed. It’s a scary thought, but it’s important to realize exactly what we’re fighting for. So today we’re going to think about if the world was ending, who we’d want to spend our last day with.
“Sensei...is this really necessary? Everyone’s just gonna write they’d spend their last day with their families obviously, we could be using this time to train...” Asuma said, not moving to pick up his pencil. The girl beside him glared at him. “Asuma...” the professor warned. “Alright alright,” he said, putting his arms up and relenting. He turned to nervously smile at the girl pointedly ignoring him at this point.
Asuma was right. Might Gai had written his Papa’s name, but he’d written Kakashi’s too. His rival didn’t have anyone anymore. So, Gai would have to to be his family he decided resolutely. He once again stole a glance at his rival. While everyone else scribbled away, Kakashi hadn’t moved, still laying there with his head in his hands, and the teacher didn’t seem to press him on it.
After a few minutes the teacher spoke again. “I hope this exercise has got you thinking about what exactly we’re fighting for when we as shinobi prioritize the village,” He turned to look up at them.
“Would anyone like to share?”
Might Gai’s hand shot up. He wanted Kakashi to know there were people that cared about him.
“Gai...?”
“My papa! Of course.”
He turned to smile at the boy in the corner. He was rolling his pencil back and forth, and didn’t look up.
“And Kakashi! Because he’s my best friend and I love him!”
The class burst into laughter.
“Oh man....” Asuma was chuckling and shaking his head. The girl next to him was giggling into her hand.
Might Gai didn’t really know what was so funny, he was sure lots of people had put their friends. From the reaction though he was nervous to look back again. He could feel the heat radiating on the back of his head. If looks could kill.
“Well Gai...that’s...um...that’s very nice” the professor finally said.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully, he’d steal glances at his friend, trying to convey his apologies if he’d embarrassed him, but Kakashi refused to look anywhere in his general direction.
When class was dismissed he dawdled. He had meant to do a kind thing for Kakashi to cheer him up, and it had backfired. He wanted to apologize. As the kids filed out, he waited till Kakashi was walking out the door and followed.
“I’m sorry Kakashi,” Kakashi didn’t respond. Gai followed behind him. “I didn’t mean for everyone to laugh! I wanted to cheer you up!” Kakashi still didn’t reply, he just continued walking, hands in his pockets as if he hadn’t heard him. Might Gai knew he should stop, but he was afraid, afraid of Kakashi being alone while people said mean things, but he also was well aware how cruel Kakashi could be if he kept pushing. He let a distance grow between him and the younger boy. He’d go train, and think about a different way to cheer him up.
///////////
“I’m home!!!” Might Gai, was dripping with sweat, basking in the afterglow of a very successful training session. He was looking forward to taking a shower, eating with his dad and then asking for his always sound advice about the situation with his rival.
When he got no response his heart started beating quickly. While it wasn’t uncommon for his father to be out running errands, training or on some mission—usually collecting cats, all the talk of death today made him nervous. He felt a pang of relief wash over him when he saw a small handwritten note and some money on the table.
‘On a mission delivering Lord Third’s thank you cards for a party he and his wife threw! This is a very important mission and there are many cards! Some outside the village! It is a youthful and exciting mission! I may not be home to early tomorrow! While I’m gone do not slack! Train hard and do your absolute best!
Love, Papa!’
Clutching the note he hummed, shifting restlessly. He was happy his Papa was fine but he’d wanted to ask for his advice. Gai counted the money on the table. His father had left him a nice bit for food. He was extra excited as he could get curry! Thinking about that a great idea suddenly popped into his little head, he smiled and excitedly ran into the shower. He knew the perfect way to make Kakashi feel better.
///////
Might Gai ran along towards Kakashi’s apartment, clutching the bags of food. He enjoyed the dusk air and people chattering, it seems like the gossip of the morning was already forgotten by villagers caught up in their own lives. Gai was glad, hopefully tomorrow would be easier for Kakashi.
As Kakashi’s apartment came into view Might Gai’s heart started pounding with anticipation, he pulled in a shaky breathe and put on his friendliest face before knocking as hard as he could. He could hear the reverberations through out the house. He couldn’t help but notice the lights weren’t on. He was a little crestfallen, knowing Kakashi either wasn’t home or wasn’t answering. Both were equally likely.
However, Gai still wanted to deliver the food, and the window was open and as a hotblooded youthful individual he couldn’t let one hiccup stop him from trying to cheer up Kakashi in the form of delicious hot curry. Scurrying up a tree and throwing himself through the open window wasn’t hard.
His fall was loud and graceless. Standing up and brushing himself off he reminded himself of his important mission, leave Kakashi his food on the counter with a nice note, then leave from whence he came. However, as he assessed his surroundings his heart stopped. He broke into a cold sweat. Not 50 yards away curled up on a ratty couch was Kakashi. He looked at him, throat dry. Kakashi stared back.
Gai was breaking and entering, he knew that, even if it was for a good cause. Kakashi, who could be mean normally was well within his rights if he decided to beat Gai black and blue. “Um. I brought food!” Was all Might Gai could manage, smiling as he held the bag out shakily. Kakashi didn’t respond.
Gai noted only then the lights in the room were off, and the only light that was filtering in was from the window. The room felt stuffy, as if oppressed with some unseen presence. Kakashi, who commanded respect in the public sphere, seemed small, dwarfed by the worn, shredded flak jacket he was laying on. He was clutching a kunai in his tiny fist. He’d obviously went to town on the garment. Might Gai shifted from foot to foot nervously, uncomfortable. Kakashi grunted, sounding much older then he really was.
“What is it?” Kakashi’s voice sounded hoarse.
“It’s spicy curry! I thought maybe you’d like some dinner...after today...um......”
“Give it to me.”
Might Gai nodded furiously, walking towards the couch and pulling out the two takeout boxes. They ate side by side in silence. By the time they both finished it was dark outside.
“Are you staying here?” Kakashi said flatly. Might Gai was shocked, this must be an elaborate hoax. Every time he’d been by the apartment previously Kakashi had shooed him away. Or worse.
“If that’s okay!” Gai said, trying to hide the very obvious excitement in his voice.
“I don’t care.” Kakashi replied. Kakashi unceremoniously threw the jacket off of the couch. He brought back two blankets. He threw Gai one and walked towards a dimly lit hallway. “I’m going to sleep. Leave early. You’re staying here.” He said while pointing at the couch. Gai nodded. “Goodnight Kakashi!” Kakashi said nothing.
Gai pulled his blanket up, trying to take in the unfamiliar surroundings. He was sleeping at his best friend’s house! It was exciting but kind of nerve wracking as Might Gai had never slept anywhere but his father’s house. He realized he probably should’ve gotten his Papa’s permission, but, he’d be a shinobi soon and would have many days away from home anyway! So it was best to begin training now. With that in mind Might Gai decided for every minute he didn’t fall asleep, he’d do 50 laps tomorrow. He fell asleep within nine.
//////
Gai didn’t know exactly when he woke up, but he felt that distinct feeling of someone watching him. When he cracked his eyes open it took all of him to not jump completely out of his skin screaming. Kakashi was sitting at his kitchen table staring at him.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” It was low. Almost undetectable, but he heard it he was sure. He squeezed his eyes shut again. Knowing full well he should let Kakashi know he was awake, but he was nervous.
“What’s wrong with you?” It wasn’t angry, but Kakashi sounded exasperated. Gai’s stomach dropped. Did Kakashi hate him?
“Why are you so nice to me?” He was much closer. Why didn’t Kakashi want him to be nice? He was the coolest, smartest and prettiest person in the world! His very best friend! Why wouldn’t he be nice to him?
With a tiny “pap” he felt Kakashi’s hand on his face. It was cold.
“Do you really love me?”
He could feel the fingers on his face twitch. He tried desperately to keep his breathing regular. “Yes!” He wanted to scream to his dear friend. He was his man of destiny. He’d known it the minute he saw him. He felt Kakashi’s thumb lightly stroking his cheek.
“I’m bad. I’m his son and we’re...bad. It’s inside me. To be bad.” Gai could feel Kakashi’s breath close to his own. His voice sounded strained. “Please. Just stop.” He felt a warm droplet on his cheek. Why did Kakashi think he was bad? He wanted to hug him, but he was afraid Kakashi would be angry he had let him talk this much. His heart hurt. He didn’t know what exactly was wrong, of course part of it was his papa, but Kakashi was....not well. If he hadn’t been completely resolved to love him, to be his family before, he was 100% firm now.
With that, it was over. Kakashi’s hand was gone and he felt his presence leave the room. Out the window actually. Might Gai would wake up early the next morning, unsure if it was a dream or not.
As he got his things together Kakashi drifted in. It didn’t look like he had slept at all.
“Good morning Kakashi!! Thank you for welcoming me into your home! I’ll see you at school! You’re my dear friend and I hope you are well!” He finished with a big smile and a thumbs up.
Kakashi said nothing.
As he steadied himself to hop out the window, the cool air of dawn invigorating him he turned once more, courage bubbling up.
“Kakashi, you’re a good person and you have a good heart! I’ll never give up on you!”
Kakashi didn’t look up, but he nodded slightly in acknowledgment, which was good enough for this moment. He promised himself there and then he’d always be there for the small boy. With love, with kindness, until Kakashi knew he deserved it. Bit by bit he’d get through. Bit by bit.