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Chapter Text

The night was cold, and the wind turned lazily in the air. The summer was putting up its best efforts at a fight, but the temperatures dipped lower and lower in the evenings everyday.

Tsukishima pulled his coat tighter around himself. He had never hated the cold as much as he did recently. He usually reveled in the comfort it brought him, and his usual dark clothes and earphones seemed less rude and more weather-savvy. Kei had never really cared what others thought, but he was raised to keep the standards of casual propriety.

But the cold rustled his jacket, unwelcome. Because the arrival of the cold meant that the warm body tucked into his left side must leave.

Tadashi, as if he could hear Kei thinking about him, snuggled further into his side. His body was unbelievably warm, and his breathing was steady and calming. Kei felt a blush rising on his cheeks. He almost wanted to shove the boy away, as the twisting of his stomach made him feel nauseated.

The sound of waves crashing into the shore could be heard in the distance, and the tang of salt wafted through the air. The blanket rustled underneath Kei as he shifted. Grass tickled his feet. The cliche of what he was doing was not lost on him, but Tadashi made him feel silly and just a tad ridiculous, so it might be fine?

The moon hung heavy above them, and the stars trekked across the sky dutifully. Kei was not entirely sure if Tadashi was awake next to him, and he was afraid to move his head to check. There was something pure and unbreakable about this moment that sat heavily in his throat. It made him wonder briefly who the hell this kid was to make him lose all inhibitions so completely, as if they had known each other for years.

But then Kei remembered a flash of Tadashi dancing next to the jukebox in the diner they went to earlier that night and the way his face was made of light and his laughter was uninhibited. And maybe, Kei didn’t have to wonder at all.

The sleepy town of Swanson Beach was practically deserted from September to May, but attracted a fair amount of beach-craving tourists during the summer months. They had a modest movie theater, a diner, and a grocery store, and that was about all could be said about the town. A few novelty shops selling knick-knacks were sprinkled around the four-block downtown. Kei and Tadashi went to one of the shops one smoldering day just to pass the time, and they now had matching key chains (hanging on Tadashi’s backpack and resting in Kei’s pocket, respectively).

Kei had memories of Tadashi in almost every corner of this town, and knew that anytime he thought back on this summer, Tadashi’s warm smile and soft hands would be intrinsically linked to it. The salt air bit at his eyes as he blinked. Right. Tadashi would be leaving tomorrow. Kei could feel the shell keychain sitting heavily in his pocket, and resisted the urge to reach down and feel the outline of it.

Tadashi shifted next to him, and all thought immediately flew right out of Kei’s head. Kei looked down at the boy next to him, and Tadashi’s light brown eyes greeted him. He was smiling, but the usual natural warmth was absent, replaced with concern. His face was pale in the moonlight. Tadashi reached a hand out, and touched the side of Kei’s face absently. His hands were cold.

“Hey, where’d you go?” He asked, voice low. Kei could feel the vibration of it in the arm tucked underneath Tadashi’s head. Kei scoffed, eyes rolling, but he smiled.

“I'm right here, Tadashi,” Kei returned, eyes flicking back up to the sky above them. Tadashi’s hand fell away, and Kei irrationally, desperately wanted it back. In the corner of his eye, Kei could see Tadashi look up at the sky, too. For a while, it was only the sound of the waves.

“I wish I could stay with you, like this.” Tadashi whispered, and Kei almost didn’t hear it. But his heart dropped in his chest and he looked over at the boy next to him. Something must have shown on his face, because Tadashi flushed wildly and tried to backtrack.

“I-I mean, only if you wanted to. I wouldn’t snuggle you against your will, or anything ha ha—“

Kei pressed forward and kissed Tadashi’s forehead, and immediately wished he hadn't. That was so sappy, what the hell—
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Kei said, just in case Tadashi thought this was getting too romantic. Kei had a reputation. But he couldn’t look away from Tadashi’s face as he slowly smiled, bright and warm and fuck—

“Sorry, Tsukki!” Tadashi chirped, and looked back up at the sky. Kei rolled his eyes, this time with much less chagrin.

The stars whirled above them, and Tadashi would leave back for his home tomorrow. Kei would be alone once more, and he would be forced to go back to school with those people who didn’t really know who he was—who never really put an effort to know who he was. Tadashi would leave him, and although Kei had his number in his phone for the majority of the summer, he knew that all summer flings would fizzle out. He really hoped this was just a summer fling, and the bright, painful buzzing in his chest was just the heat of the moment. Because Kei didn’t really know if he could release his hold on Tadashi in the morning if this could be anything more.

Three months of knowing the kindest, warmest, funniest, sweetest person Kei had known, and tomorrow he would retreat back into his shell. Tadashi didn’t know the Kei that wore leather jackets and smoked with his friends behind the school and drank whiskey out of the bottle when nights at the auto shop were long. And that was definitely for the best. Kei didn’t like that version of himself, and that Kei couldn’t love Tadashi like he deserved to be loved.

But Kei also knew that his leather jacket was back at the small condo his family was renting, tucked deep in his suitcase, with the auto shop logo messily stitched on the back. As soon as Tadashi couldn't see him, he would go back to being School Kei, because that was the easiest way to live. But for the first time, he was feeling like he really didn’t want to. Kei tightened his hold on Tadashi and brought him closer, and Tadashi followed willingly. Kei hoped his voice doesn’t crack when he said,
“Me, too.”

And he hopes to god that Tadashi knows he means, I want to stay like this, too. I want to stay like this with you forever, and I’ll hate letting you go.

And the most amazing thing is, Tadashi smiles, and Kei thinks he does.

Chapter Text

Karasuno High School.

Tadashi tightened his grip on his backpack, swallowing heavily. His first big school. Well, like this, anyway.

He lived in a small town for most of his life, and their high school only had about 200 people total. And because there were 50 people a grade, everyone in their school knew everyone else’s business. Tadashi was the brunt of this more than anyone, and the dark spots scattered across his body made him the victim of more than one bored bully. When there was nothing else to do, bully the small kid. Tadashi reached up to his face now, touching his freckled cheek absently.

2,000 kids.

Kids were bustling around the sunny quad excitedly. Groups of girls were squealing to see each other again, and boys were thumping each other on the back. Stories about summer were traded. As Tadashi nervously scanned the faces, he knew without a doubt that he recognized none of them.

Tadashi, suddenly and desperately, wished for it to be two months earlier. His summer would be in full swing, and the beautiful sun-kissed boy that had haunted his every waking thought would be at his side. Oh god, Tsukishima Kei. Definitely the most beautiful boy to have ever existed. With his sun-bleached hair and his long tan limbs and his callused warm hands and his golden eyes surrounded by thick blonde lashes and those lips!

Something suddenly bumped into him sharply, and Tadashi was thrown forward, jolted out of his thoughts and nearly his skin. The books and papers he was holding against his body went flying. He hit the ground hard, and his palms scraped the ground roughly.
“Sorry!” He heard someone shout as they ran past above him.

Tadashi stayed down, blinking.

Right.

School.

Tadashi sat up on his knees, and rocked back on his heels, sighing. His jeans were ripped at the knees. Now he looked like an idiot. Tadashi wanted to scream. He went picking up his books and papers, almost on autopilot with how often he had to do it. He was enough of a klutz. He was all gangly limbs and bumbling feet and god, what a geek!

He was such an uncompromisable doofus, in fact, that he dropped his phone on the pebble of his driveway as soon as his father announced they were moving. The screen was shattered in three places and wouldn’t turn back on. Tsukki’s number (as it was recently added) was lost in unretrievable cyberspace and Tadashi’s heart along with it.

In his defense, what was his father thinking, springing the news of his new job and subsequent transfer as soon as his family got back to their house? He even let them grab their stuff out of the trunk before deciding that now was the perfect time to change his kids’ lives forever. His sister had shrieked and made quite a scene while Tadashi kneeled in the driveway, staring at his phone in uncomprehending shock.

His father had explained more once they were inside, trying to spin it positively. The news hadn’t been confirmed, so his father didn’t know for sure until the end of their trip, and he didn’t want to ruin the nice memory of their time there. He sent a meaningful look at Tadashi, and he clutched his broken phone tighter in his fist. His sister was outraged. Tadashi sat there passively.

Change had never really been his friend as he grew up. Change made him shoot up like a beanpole and made his limbs long and clumsy. Change made his sister stay out on weekends —and now even weekdays—later. And change, recently, uprooted his tiny potted plant of “safety.”

He’d lost his childhood home, school, friends, and contact with his newfound boyfriend (?) in one nasty fell swoop.

And although Tadashi now had a new phone, Tsukki—who had not broken his phone and undoubtedly still had Tadashi’s number—had not tried texting him once. Maybe he was just pretending to like Tadashi the whole summer. He was quite stoic. Maybe he just wanted a good “fling” and then Tadashi had roped him in and dragged him along in a long-winded charade he couldn’t find his way out of. But the boy was so earnest and kind in the quiet moments that Tadashi wouldn’t let himself believe it.

But Kei had never told him the town where he lived. And now that Tadashi thought about it, he opened up to Kei about everything. He told him about his mother’s illness and her passing away and Tadashi’s bullies. And Tadashi shared with him his fear of the dark and spiders and his growing fear that his sister would finally just stay out late one night and never come back.And Kei had nodded, and hugged him close with the news of his mother and his hands had shaken with the hushed retellings of the bully’s cruelest tricks but Kei had never really told him anything in return. Tadashi, the rest of the summer, ran over and over again in his mind everything he knew about Tsukishima Kei.

Tall. Blonde. 17. Birthday, upon coaxing, September 27th. Incoming senior at…unknown high school. Lives in unknown town. Hates sand. Loves any kind of music except for metal, country, and electro. His favorite band is the Lemonades. Loves strawberries, especially in cake or milkshake form. Always steals and hoards the cherries on said milkshakes from anyone else he is eating with. Friends…unmentioned. Fears, unmentioned. Family, one older brother (Tadashi only learned his name after the boy himself traipsed into the diner they were eating at. And the relationship was tense). Has one small mole underneath his left ear that he’s self conscious about. Loves dinosaurs to an almost shocking degree and can recite facts about them until he runs out of breath. Is really, really, unbelievably good at kissing.Tadashi tries not to think about that last one at night, the way Kei’s tongue pressed and moved against his own and how he gently rubbed Tadashi’s cheekbone with his thumb when Tadashi was flustered (which was the whole time, the whole damn time). And when Tadashi, panting, asked him self-consciously and jealously who he learned it from, Kei’s dark eyes flicked to his and said, “Someone that means jack shit compared to you,” so earnestly and hushed and Tadashi’s heart burned. What if that was a ploy?

Tadashi wasn’t exactly prime “lay” material. He was pretty gross-looking, if he was honest. His legs were too long for his body, and his freckles dotted every inch of his skin like ugly ever-present spots of dirt. He had no muscle to speak of, and his stomach was a little flabby from all those milkshakes and fries he had with Tsukki over the summer. His hair was always messy and unruly and a truly uninspiring shade of brown. His eyes didn’t fair much better, he feared.

But Tsukki had held his hand. And smiled. And kissed him wildly and desperately, like he couldn’t stand to stop for a second if he wanted to. And pressed small kisses to the freckles on his face when rain poured outside.

But it was probably a facade. Tadashi knew when things were too good to be true. People had pretended to be his friend before. Hell, his first girlfriend only dated him to get closer to his other, more attractive “friend.” People were cruel.

Nevertheless, Tadashi mourned the rest of the summer. Either for the man Kei was or the man he pretended to be.

At least he’d never have to see him again. Probably.

“HAHA YEAH THAT WOULD BE—“

Tadashi looked up just in enough time to see knees come right at his face. An unholy screech rang across the quad as the previously running blur kicked Tadashi right in the side and tumbled over his back. Tadashi hit the ground on his back, wheezing.

“OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY.” Tadashi blinked the sun out of his eyes. A boy, around his age, was staring down at him. What? How was the boy standing up so soon? Had he just sprung right up as soon as he hit the ground? Tadashi winced. His ribs were definitely out for the count.

Tadashi blinked again. What he thought was the sun’s brightness around the kid’s head, he realized, was just hair. Bright, vibrant, orange hair. Swatches of it stuck up around his head, like the boy regularly got into fights with leaf blowers.

And lost. Frequently.

He was very short, and now that Tadashi got a look at him, was quite petite all-around. The boy was wearing a white shirt underneath a light powder-pink jacket. His jeans had large rips in the knees, and something told Tadashi that they weren’t bought that way. He was wearing ratty athletic sneakers, and the laces were so torn up that, combined, three of the four aglets were missing. He would look completely uncaring in his appearance if it weren’t for the white 1950’s-styled neck scarf sat snugly around his throat. His bottom half and top half were two separate people.

He looked absolutely absurd, like an orange dreamsicle drowning in pink lemonade. Tadashi averted his eyes, trying not to laugh at the mental image.

Tadashi sat up, now thoroughly embarrassed and a little wary of the boy still standing in front of him. The boy held his hand out.

“I AM SO SORRY.”

Tadashi winced. Was he always this loud? The boy seemed to recognize this, and to his credit, looked embarrassed.“Sorry, my friends tell me I’m loud.” His attitude changed suddenly, and his face broke out in a sunny grin.

“I’m Hinata Shoyou! And you’re new!” He shook his still-offered hand in midair, like he wanted Tadashi to take it. Tadashi, despite himself, smiled back.

And he did.

Chapter Text

It turns out that Hinata Shoyou was never not a blur.

After apologizing more, Hinata helped Tadashi pick up the rest of his books and excitedly declared that they shared homeroom together after quickly snatching Tadashi’s schedule from his hand. He was walking him to the class in question while chattering aimlessly.

“So, Yamaguchi! How do you like Karasuno so far? The town, I mean. Not the school, you’ve barely seen any of it.” Hinata laughed brightly.

Tadashi smiled. Hinata was bright and kind, and Tadashi knew almost immediately that he was a trustworthy person. He was just this side of absurd, but his sunny disposition and friendly demeanor put Tadashi almost immediately at ease.“Well, uh. I haven’t really seen much of that either.” Tadashi admitted.

“WHA?” Hinata exclaimed, halting suddenly. He sputtered to a start again, like a perpetual motion machine. Tadashi zoned out as Hinata began again. “We have everything in Karasuno! We have a diner which has the best burgers they make your stomach go ‘WHAA’ and there’s the movie theater I know the ticket guy he doesn’t like me very much though after he had to pick me up and carry me out of the theater after that sad dog movie and we have a grocery store and a video store and I know that register guy too! His name is Kenma and he doesn’t talk much but we chat all the time but he goes to a different school and that school doesn’t like us very much because—“ Hinata froze again, and the guy walking behind him cursed loudly, swerving like an oncoming car to avoid hitting him. Hinata grabbed Yamaguchi’s arm and Yamaguchi stopped, pried out of his thoughts.

Students passed around them, uncaring (if not annoyed) at the two blocking the hallway.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, confused, his arm smarting a little bit.

“I forgot to warn you. There’s an auto shop in town run by a nasty group of guys called the Crows. They’re not very nice, especially that nasty Kageyama. Ugh!” He grimaced, halting in his speech as if had just tasted something bitter. “They all wear these big leather jackets and get in a couple of fights with other schools but Suga fancies the head Crow Daichi so I have to see Kageyama’s ugly mug all the time, it’s terrible. Stay away from them if you can.”

Tadashi blinked. A gang? Karasuno had a gang? In an autoshop? That fought other gangs? Oh my god. What did Tadashi do to deserve this? What was his dad doing getting a job in this place?But Hinata was already skipping ahead again. Tadashi stood, puzzled, discombobulated, and a little alarmed.

“Wait, who’s Suga?”

~~~

Suga, it turns out, was the most popular guy at Karasuno. But he wasn’t popular in a cheerleader, homecoming king way. No, he was popular because apparently he had a reputation of being an easy lay. And a little bit of a bad-ass.

As Hinata ushered Tadashi towards the lunch table Suga’s clique was currently occupying, Tadashi knew immediately why everyone thought he was such a bad-ass.

To be honest, he was kind of short, but his arms and legs were defined with thin cords of muscle that shifted under his clothes whenever he moved. He was dressed similarly to Hinata, with an ascot and a pink nylon jacket laid over his shoulders. He was apparently too cool to wear his jackets on his arms. Their similarities ended there, however.

His jeans were dark and plastered to his long legs. His silver hair flared in the sunlight, and his cool, assessing eyes were focused on the object in his thin fingers. He was trying to light a cigarette held between his full lips carelessly, but failing to press down on the little trigger. “HEY, GUYS.” Hinata shouted as the two drew near the table. The rest of the group looked up at them, and a tall guy at the table dropped his gaze immediately. Tadashi gulped.

Suga looked up, and his sleek, critical gaze was solely trained on Tadashi. Oh, gosh, Tadashi wanted to die.

The only one of the three at the table that seemed remotely interested—in a positive way, at least—in the two approaching was a well-kept skinny boy with parted black hair and an easy smile.

Hinata shoved Tadashi at the bench, and Tadashi barely avoided slamming into the lunch table. The boy at his right—the tall, buff one—squeaked.

“This is Tadashi! He’s new and I almost killed him this morning!” Hinata declared excitedly, plopping on the bench at Tadashi’s left and tapping the empty spot at his right excitedly. Tadashi sat down hesitantly. “Tadashi, these are the guys!”“Chikara Ennoshita.” Hinata pointed at the well-kept boy to Suga’s right across the table. He smiled warmly, and gave him a sympathetic wince seemingly on Hinata’s behalf. Tadashi smiled back, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. The boy insisted that Tadashi call him “Chi-kun,” and his voice was quite pleasant.
“Sugawara Koshi.” He pointed at Suga. The boy still hadn’t put down his lighter, but he smirked. It wasn’t as kind as Chikara’s. He remained silent.

“And this is Asahi Azumane.” The boy sitting to Tadashi’s right stuttered out a greeting. He was practically a giant, with big, bulky muscles bundled tightly to his frame. His long, brown hair was pulled back in a small bun at the back of his head, and he wore a headband. He seemed as nervous to meet Tadashi as Tadashi was to meet him.

All four boys at the table were wearing varying outfits, but they all donned pink, nylon jackets and small ascots around their necks. Did all friend groups wear group-identifying clothing markers? Tadashi came marker-less! Oh no! Everyone knew he was a friendless loser already!

Hinata was chattering at Tadashi’s side about how the two met to the boys around the table, including a lot of “WHOSH”es and “WOAH”s that weren’t in the original confrontation.
“…and then, I found him in the hallway after fourth period and just knew that I had to introduce you all!” Chikara nodded, smiling in what Tadashi knew now as his vague, characteristic smile. Surprising everyone at the table, Suga spoke next. To Tadashi’s horror, he was talking to him.

“Well, Hinata pretty much spelled out the character profiles for you. Chikara’s the brains, I’m the queen bee, Hinata’s our mascot, and Asahi is the slut.”

All eyes at the table swiveled to Asahi, who just choked on a spoonful of Jell-O and looked mortified. “I am not!” He sputtered, eyes flicking between Tadashi and Suga nervously.

“What about that Crow boy you’ve got by the balls? Noshi-something?” Suga removed the unlit cigarette fully from his mouth now, waving it at Asahi accusingly.

Asahi flushed deeply. He buried his head in his palms.“Nishinoya.” He muttered.

Suga threw his head back in laughter, and Tadashi felt the immediate urge to join him. He smiled, instead.“It’s not like that, Suga! He’s just soft on me!” Asahi protested, recovering briefly from his mortification to try to defend his honor. The effect was slightly ruined however, by the fact that he was speaking through his fingers, as his hands were covering his face, leaving small gaps for his eyes.

“Wait, didn’t Amaki ask you to the movies over the summer? I thought you two were steady.” Hinata pipped up, mid-bite of his hamburger. Suga looked disgusted, but gestured at Hinata, as if he made a point.Asahi sputtered.“No we’re not steady, but I couldn’t just say no when Amaki asked. She’s very nice. She baked a pie for me!! How am I supposed to turn down a gift? I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!” Asahi all but wailed, his hands falling to and fisting in his lap.

Tadashi put a confused, supporting hand on Asahi’s giant shoulder. The gentle giant noticeably gleaned a little comfort from it.

“See?” Suga piped up, sticking the cigarette back in his mouth. “The slut.”
He failed to light the lighter again.

“Goddamnit! Chikara, can you—“

The black-haired boy already snatched the lighter impatiently and lit it with ease, rolling his eyes as he caught the end of Suga’s cigarette with the flame. Suga made a grateful noise as he inhaled, and when he exhaled, smoke enveloped Tadashi’s head in a cloud. This is what he got for sitting across from him.

“So, Toshi, tell us about yourself.” Suga demanded, taking another drag.

“It’s Tadashi!” Hinata piped up again, defending Tadashi’s honor before Tadashi could speak. Tadashi probably wouldn’t have corrected him. Suga made a ‘whatever’ gesture with his shoulders as he pulled the cigarette to his lips once more. “And yeah, Tadashi, tell us about your summer!”

Tadashi stilled. All four boys were looking at him expectantly. Tadashi wanted to impress these guys. They were fun, and most of them seemed to be genuinely nice. Being in the favor of a popular kid could help him if anyone tried to pick on him. Knowing what a terrible liar he was, Tadashi tried to think of any aspect of his summer that could impress these guys.

“I…um…I met a boy.”

Shit. That was not what Tadashi meant to say at all. He flushed. Why would he say that? He didn’t even tell his sister about Tsukki, even though she probably already knew. Tadashi’s memories with Tsukki were precious and made his heart flutter. It felt wrong to exploit their story like this to a bunch of strangers.

“Ooh!” Suga shifted, looking interested now. “Did you fuck him?”

Tadashi blanched. What? This was a mistake. It’s not that Tadashi balked at the idea of sex, and maybe if he and Tsukki brought the idea up earlier, they would have. But Tadashi hated using that word to describe sex. It felt so impersonal and cold—the complete opposite of Tsukki.

“Wha—! N-No! W-We just kinda kissed and, and, h-held hands and stuff…” Tadashi’s voice got quieter and quieter. Asahi looked sympathetic, smiling gently at Tadashi. It almost balanced the dismissive hum from Suga across the table.

“Oh. That’s boring.” The words stung, and Tadashi’s gaze dropped to his lap. He shrugged, biting his lip. Hinata squawked.“What? No, it’s not! It’s romantic!! Tell us more, Tadashi!” Hinata urged, scooting closer.

“Did he have a cool car, the kind that goes ‘WRAGH’! Or, or, was he super cute? Did he made your heart go ‘WOOO'?”

Tadashi laughed, despite himself. He looked up at Chikara, who looked interested, and Asahi who nodded encouragingly. Suga looked disinterested, but not accusatory. “Yeah, tell us more.” Chikara prompted, when Tadashi didn’t respond. Tadashi smiled, taking a deep breath. This could be okay.

“Well, um.”

And Tadashi began to tell the story of his summer. Of blonde boys and dinosaur facts under the stars.

Chapter Text

Kei wasn’t worried.

And he wasn’t disappointed, either, now that he mentioned it.

He was totally fine. Totally completely fine.

He hadn’t heard from Tadashi in five weeks and three days. Which was fine. Tadashi was probably busy. Or just didn’t give a shit about Kei now that they were on opposite sides of the country. Sure. Makes sense.

He used to text almost everyday, with small thoughts or a cute picture of a cat. His words were always concise and endearingly sweet, and Kei felt his heart skip a beat or two whenever his name popped up on his lock screen. But he hadn’t texted in five weeks and three days, his communication stopping abruptly and a little painfully, if Kei cared about it. Which he supposed he didn’t.

If Tadashi could forget the summer so easily, then he could, too.

Kei had never really connected with another person in the same way that he had connected with Tadashi, wholeheartedly and so damn quick.

Kei prided himself on being detached and aloof, quick with a biting comment or a scoff. Tadashi went along with his charade for a couple of weeks, laughing at his pointed jokes at others and congratulating him on a particularly sharp jab. But then he started to chastise him for such jokes or apologizing to the people who Kei had just insulted. That annoying shift bugged Kei at first, but then their dynamic came to emerge from it: Kei being a dick and Tadashi being kind enough to mend the sting.

It worked, and it was good. Tadashi’s warm smile and rounded edges became a constant comfort and a contrast to his daily life at the auto shop. The boys that Kei had spent his adolescence around were noisy, boisterous, and crude. They weren’t kind, or engaging, or had cute freckles all over their damn bodies like a map begging him to find a treasure beneath their clothes. Kei shook his head, shaking away the spike of heat in his belly and thoughts.

No.

Tadashi was gone, time to move on. Kei could remember him in the quiet moments when he was in his room and wanted to remember what emotional warmth felt like. Ha. Yeah, right.

The bitter wind bit at the back of his neck as if laughing, confirming his words. He was walking down the busy main street of Karasuno, headed towards the Karasuno Auto Shop. Daichi had texted him that morning, telling him to meet the rest of the group at the Auto Shop before school.

Kei thought that the charade that Daichi kept up was laughable and frankly, pathetic. What respectable gang, first, was high school age, and second, routinely went to said high school? Daichi, when Kei had first agreed to be in the Crows, told him that if he didn’t keep up his grades, he was out. Which was the most ridiculous fucking thing Kei had ever heard. What was Daichi pretending, that they were all some big happy family, with a dumb dad that cared about their grades?

No, they were the Karasuno Crows, the one and only gang protecting the town of Karasuno from the other encroaching gangs, like Kuroo and his damn Cats.

The only reason that Daichi hadn’t been arrested yet was because the Crows weren’t technically doing anything illegal. They were just a bunch of troubled kids that helped Mr. Ukai run his shitty Auto Shop. And like Daichi always loved to point out, what the cops didn’t know didn’t hurt them.

Kei rounded the street corner, and immediately a cheer went up. Kei rolled his eyes.

Nishinoya and Tanaka were leaning out of the shop’s open garage, greasy hands around their mouths as they called out to Tsukishima. Kei flipped them off as he neared, causing their ruckus to get louder.

“Finally, the man of the hour,” Nishinoya crowed, taking a dirty rag off of his shoulder and swinging it around over his head.

Kei didn’t dignify that with a response as he shouldered past them, entering the shadowed garage.

The shop was quite small, with an alcove off to the side for Ukai’s desk and filing cabinets. The garage, however, was the main space, and was room for only two cars and a small squished workbench on the far wall. The lighting was dim and the room was already getting too drafty for Kei’s comfort, but a small part of him unknotted due to the familiar space. A small part of him was home.

Ukai was in his usual spot, leaning over the beat-up desk in the corner with a cigarette dangling from his scarred fingers. Kageyama was tossing a ball half-heartedly to Daichi, but glaring at his phone on the nearby table as if was doing him a wrong. And Nishinoya and Tanaka, who were currently wildly smacking Kei on the back, were assumedly working on Ms. Amaka’s beat up Cadillac, which took up the majority of the small garage space.

Daichi caught the ball from Kageyama and kept it, turning to look at Kei. Kageyama looked relieved, heading over to his phone and picking it up. Tanaka slapped a hand on top of Kei’s head and ruffled his hair wildly and painfully, shouting,

“Hey, what the hell is wrong with your hair?”

Kei didn’t hesitate to plant a sharp elbow in Tanaka’s rib cage and he let go, cackling.

Tsukishima barely resisted the urge to reach up and touch his longer blond strands. He grew it out over the summer, maybe an inch or so; embarrassingly, at Tadashi’s behest.

(Kei remembered the moment clearly, Tadashi was writhing underneath him, his warm, warm, so warm hands pressed under Kei’s shirt, flat against his chest. He giggled breathily when Kei bit as his lip, and moved one of his hands to tangle in Kei’s hair, tugging it gently as he bit him back. Kei made an embarrassing noise. “You should grow it out some,” Tadashi whispered, his voice thick, “if you like me pulling on it.” Damn that little minx.)

Kei still hadn’t gotten it cut yet—if he did, it was as if he was admitting that Tadashi didn’t happen, as if they hadn’t met. Maybe he should get it cut, since he hadn’t spoken to him in a month.

Kei opened his mouth to respond with a sharp reply when Nishinoya slapped him on the shoulder. Kei’s left knee buckled a little bit against his strength—damn that little guy had some force.

“Ooh, who’s Tadashi?” Nishinoya purred.

Kei’s blood slowed in his veins.

What. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Did he say Tadashi's name out loud? He couldn’t have, could he? Oh, god.

Kei whipped around, face flushed and heart pounding, screaming in his chest.

Nishinoya turned Kei’s phone around—when had he taken it? when did he grab it? how did he get it out of his bag?—to show Kei’s contacts.

Favorites :

Mom

Dad

Tadashi

Kei, quick as a whip, snatched the phone from Nishinoya’s grip, growling.

“It’s no one,” he gritted through his teeth, “and even if it was, it’s none of your damn business.”

Nishinoya oohed, and Tanaka turned to pay attention.

“Wow, Tsukishima, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you more than painfully apathetic about anything.”

The garage was silent, tracking the conversation, and in that exact moment, Kei hated them all—quite acutely, in fact. Five pairs of eyes were on him.

He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. He hated what he was about to do, but they couldn’t know, they just couldn’t. They wouldn’t understand what Tadashi meant to him and his carefully assembled persona would crumble. He could never be that vulnerable. He opened his eyes.

“I met some guy at the beach and he put out.” Kei shrugged, focusing on keeping his voice and eyes level. “He was a good lay, but dumb as rocks. He put the damsel-in-distress routine on thick. The kid doesn't mean anything to me," He raised an eyebrow. "So are we done here?”

Tanaka hollered incomprehensibly and slapped him on the back, congratulating him. Nishinoya joined him, and even Daichi looked vaguely pleased. Idiots.

Kei’s stomach rioted and his throat clenched painfully as Tanaka moved past him. He looked down at his phone as the chaos resumed. Oh, god. His mouth tasted bitter.

I didn’t mean it, he thought forcefully, hoping that wherever Tadashi was right now, that he would never hear him or the words that still coated the back of his throat like tar.

Three blocks away, Tadashi looked down at his message-less phone, a frown pulling at the corners of his lips.

Chapter Text

“A pep rally bonfire?” Tadashi cocked his head, brow furrowing. “I don’t know, Hinata, that sounds a little dangerous.”

The Ravens were sitting on the bleachers around the track field during lunch. Suga occupied the top row of seats, stretched out; Asashi and Ennoshita were sitting on the row below him. Meanwhile, Hinata and Tadashi were sitting on the lowest row. Well, at least Tadashi was sitting. Suga was smoking another cigarette instead of eating, the cylinder almost burned down to his fingers. Asahi was huddled over his phone while Ennoshita was peering over his shoulder. They were talking quickly, and Tadashi couldn’t fully hear it. But it sounded a little bit like “Nishinoya” and “date.” Huh. Hinata was bouncing back and forth on his feet  in front of Tadashi and immediately deflated when Tadashi spoke.

“C’mon, Tadashi, please!” Tadashi quirked an eyebrow. “It’s a student government tradition! We have a bonfire in the field behind our school to celebrate the beginning of the football season! Everyone will be there!”

Every word Hinata spoke made Tadashi more and more dubious. A giant, raging bonfire guarded by no one but the football team? How had no one died yet? Wait, had someone died, yet?

Tadashi opened his mouth to ask this very important question when Suga piped up from his row on the bleachers.

“Told you he wouldn’t want to come, Shoyo.” Suga shrugged the pink jacket off of his shoulders and looked down his nose at Tadashi, two rows down. “He’s too pure to be pink.”

Tadashi’s stomach twisted. Tadashi knew how this worked. He’s been through it too many times. Tadashi had been only been a part of the Ravens for two days, if he could even be considered one of them. Asahi and Ennoshita had warmed up to him, but Suga refused to speak to him most days, setting him with a fierce, cold look whenever Tadashi tried to speak with him. He was being shunned again. But Suga had offered a challenge.

“I--” Tadashi began, voice small, but Hinata cut in.

“Pleeeease, Tadashi!!!! For me!!!” Hinata begged, and he began jumping again. Tadashi tried to speak, but Hinata spoke over him again.

“Or!! Or! If not for me, do it for your beach boyfriend! He would want you to enjoy life and totally party with us at the pep rally!”

Tadashi’s stomach twisted a bit at the mention of his name. Kei was not a fan of partying--at least with more than two people.

Suga was still looking down at Tadashi.

“Yeah, Yamaguchi, what about your boyfriend?” He smirked. “What was his name again? Kei something?”

The way he said it was so mocking that Yamaguchi blanched a little, embarrassed. He swallowed.

“Uh, Kei. Tsukishima Kei.”

Hinata stopped bouncing behind him. Suga froze, the cigarette halfway to his mouth. Even Asahi and Ennoshita were frozen, their eyes now on Tadashi. No one spoke.

“What?”

Suga said, but now, there was no shred of teasing in his voice. His eyes were stone. Asahi and Ennoshita turned to look up at him. Tadashi fidgeted, confused.

“Tsukishima Kei. I-I’m pretty sure I’ve told you his name before.”

Why were they so upset? Did he say something wrong? Did they really not want to know his name? Did Tadashi mess up?

“No.” Hinata’s voice piped up behind Tadashi, and he turned back around again. Tadashi was shocked at the suddenly somber expression on his friend’s face. “No, you’ve never told us his name.”

Hinata’s face was screwed up, as if he had swallowed a cup of lemon juice.

“O-Oh.” Tadashi said, still as confused as ever. His fidgeted with his hands as the silence continued.

“Y-You know what, Tadashi? The pep rally is lame anyway, I don’t think we should go anymore--” Hinata begun, sitting down next to Tadashi on the bench.

“No!” Suga interjected loudly. Tadashi jumped in his seat, and looked up at Suga again. Suga had a slim smile on his face, his eyes glinting in the bright afternoon. He took a long drag of his cigarette, and snuffed it on the bench below him. He flicked the stub away and exhaled, smoke curling around his face.

“No, we’re going.” He continued, smirking. “I have someone I want Tadashi to meet.”

Hinata’s hand curled on the fabric on Tadashi’s jacket, and said nothing.

~

“A bonfire?” Kei repeatedly flatly, leveling a bored look at Daichi’s expression.

It was after school, and the Crows were back in Mr. Ukai’s garage. Nishinoya, Kageyama, and Tanaka were huddled over Ms. Amaka’s beat up car, conversing over the engine. Mr. Ukai was asleep in his chair, a cigarette still smoking on his desk. Daichi had corned Kei where he was perched on the workbench, unloading a new order of filters.

“Yeah, it’s for the football team, but Suga wants us there.” Daichi replied, arms crossing across his chest.

Kei quirked an eyebrow. Daichi was so whipped for that kid. Suga told him to jump, and Daichi asked “how high?” Well, it was more Suga said “Make out with me and don’t be upset when I move on,” and Daichi nodded along dumbly.

“Well, have fun, because I’m not going.” Kei said, turning back to his box. Daichi slapped his hand on the box, preventing Kei from opening it. He turned back to Daichi, scowling.

“ What? ” Kei growled. Daichi was unaffected, damn him.

“Suga specifically asked for you to be there.” He said, and Kei’s stomach flipped. Oh shit. That wasn’t good. Suga was known for plotting. If he wanted you to be there, something would be happening. But there was also no way to refuse a Suga invitation. He would find you, and he would drag you along anyway, and there would be a price plus interest for ruining his plan in the first place.

“Oh.” Kei responded dumbly. “Okay, I’ll be there.”

Daichi smiled and slapped Kei on the back. Kei shrugged it off and looked back at the filters.

Shit.

~

The night was cold and bit at Kei’s hands as he shoved them into his pockets. The field was dimly lit and incredibly loud. A long line of students were holding hands around the bonfire, running around it like children playing a game. Their silhouettes were the only things Kei could see about them, for the bonfire was the biggest one Kei had probably ever seen. It was as tall as a bus and as wide as an SUV. Music was blaring from idling cars, the owners cranking their stereos loud and playing the same radio station. The cheerleaders were bounding across the field, their pom-poms catching the light like small tongues of fire. The football players were in the center of it all, taking pieces of wood from a pickup truck and hauling them into the fire, cheering with each new addition.

Kei rolled his eyes.

Football season .

Daichi and Kageyama were at his back, but Nishinoya and Tanaka promised that they would meet them there. Daichi slapped Kei on the shoulder, hard, but Kageyama was scanning the crowd, looking entirely uncomfortable and out of place. His eyes were wide, and he seemed panicked. Kei almost opened his mouth to say something, but quickly caught himself, instead tsking.

“What, is it too much for you, king?”

Kageyama cut him a sharp glare, but said nothing. His eyes scanned the crowd again, but seemed less agitated than before, ironically enough. Kei rolled his eyes.

A honk resonated from somewhere behind them. Kei turned around, bored, just in time to see a dark convertible barrelling in his direction. He bit back a yelp just in time to hear Nishinoya crowing from behind the wheel and Tanaka slamming his hands on the top of the windshield. He slammed on the brakes a little ways away from the group, the brakes screeching and the boys jolting sharply forward in their seats.

Daichi was already storming ahead of Kei, eyes dark as he confronted the two boys. Kei trotted quickly to catch up. This was going to be good.

Daichi grabbed Nishinoya by the collar his loose-fitting leather jacket and picked him up out of the driver’s seat like a cat. Nishinoya flailed, but was laughing wildly. Kei could not describe the annoyance he felt down to his very bones as Tanaka jumped out of the passenger's seat and the three men bickered in front of him. He was sure his lip was curling in disgust, and looked briefly at Kageyama at his side to find the boy wearing a similar expression.

“C’mon, Daichi! I swear, I bought it fair and square!” Nishinoya protested, still wriggling like a worm on a hook.

“Bullshit!” Daichi barked. “You know you don’t have any money, and this car’s a piece of shit. Who did you buy it from?”

He shook Nishinoya and he dangled back and forth. Tanaka, ironically enough, was attempting to be a mediating force.

“No, really, Daichi!” Tanaka insisted. “He bought it from Mr. Amaka when we dropped off the old lady’s car!”

Daichi paid him no mind, but still widened his eyes and renewed his efforts to quite literally wrangle the truth out of Nishinoya.

“You robbed an old man? Oh, you are going to get it , kid!”

“No, I didn’t! I gave him $32 dollars for it!” Nishinoya shrieked, now pinwheeling his legs as if he could run away. “It’s so we can finally beat Kuroo and his stupid Cats!”

Daichi stopped, and finally had nothing to say. But soon he scoffed, and dropped Nishinoya onto his feet. Kei felt his stomach turn a little at the familiar name. He hated that he reacted to him even when he wasn’t here--after all this time.

“What?” Daichi asked, his arms crossing against his chest. Nishinoya, who looked eternally grateful to finally be his own height again, was back to blind enthusiasm.

“Yep! We can suit it up back at the garage and he can finally stay out of our damn territory! I’m sick of him coming around here like he owns the place!”

Daichi frowned, but it was mostly for show. This wasn’t his previous scowl, and he looked as if he were considering briefly. Then he shook his head.

“No, Yuu, it’s too dangerous. You could get hurt.” He slapped his hand on the car behind him, which groaned dangerously. “This car is a piece of junk.”

Nishinoya opened his mouth to protest, but a saccharine voice called out from behind them.

“Oh, boooys!”

Kei’s blood slowed in his veins. Suga was here. The Crows collectively turned around, as if on the same axis, to be greeted with their counterparts, the Ravens.

Suga was standing right behind them, his hip cocked and outfit effortlessly perfect and hair flawlessly styled. Asahi was a looming figure shortly behind Suga, shyly rubbing his arm and looking at everyone but Nishinoya. Ennoshita was pleasant, nodding them all a greeting, which Kei returned. Tanaka returned his greeting with a loud shout of “hello!” behind him. Good lord. Hinata was after Asahi, but seemed to be talking nervously to someone obscured by Asahi and Ennoshita.

Daichi strode forward and grabbed Suga by the hand, saying something intelligible. Suga’s face melted into a happy look and he stretched up to give him a languid kiss. Kei looked away.

“Kei.” Suga said, and Kei reluctantly dragged his eyes back to Suga. His arms were wrapped around Daichi’s neck, hands in his hair. His cat-like eyes were shining in the firelight dangerously. Kei swallowed.

“I have someone I think you should see again, kid.” He said, a slow, wide smirk stretching across his face. He looked dangerous.

He turned his head, and called Asahi’s name. Asahi stepped forward, confused, and Kei’s stomach fell through his shoes.

~

“Now you shouldn’t talk to any of these guys okay? They’re real dangerous-types.” Hinata was saying, but his entire vibe was completely wrong. His jumpiness was not his usual brand of energy--he was nervous. His eyes were darting around and his hands were wringing. “But you can talk to Kageyama if you absolutely have to. He’s real stinky, but he’s probably the best of these guys.” He stopped. Then continued, “I mean he’s alright. Still terrible, don’t talk to him either, now that I think about it. Keep your head down.”

Tadashi was nodding along, but his mind was very far away. When he hopped out of Asahi’s car, he thought that he had walked onto an apocalypse movie set. Screaming teenagers were circling them even now, bumping into each other and off of each other like drunken bumble bees.

His stomach was roiling nervously, and every word from Hinata was another punch to his gut.

“They’re not going to, like...hurt us, right?” Tadashi asked, and Hinata began to shake his head back and forth wildly.

“Oh no! Not at all! They’re not that kind of punk, they’re actually really--”

“Oh, boooys!” Suga’s voice called in front of them. Tadashi tried to poke his head around Asahi, but Hinata quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

“No, no. He’s talking to the Crows.” Hinata quickly said, and began to talk rapidly.

“Remember, stay behind Asahi and don’t say anything. These boys are not nice and I don’t want anyone to see--”

“See what? See me ? Why can’t they see me?” Tadashi asked, his mind running a mile a minute. “Am I in trouble, Hinata? Are they going to hurt me?”

Hinata shook his head again.

“No! It’s not like--”

Suga called Asahi’s name, but Tadashi couldn’t see him. Asahi moved forward, and the Crows were revealed. Hinata quickly grabbed Tadashi’s arm, but there was nowhere he could go. Tadashi looked up from his fixed gaze on his shoes. Farthest away from them, a small boy with a bleached streak in his slicked hair was leaning against a beat up car. Next, a kid with a shaved head--oh my god he was scary!--was saying something intently to the smaller boy. A tall boy with dark hair and dark eyes was looking directly at him! Oh no! A dark scowl began to take over his face. Shit! Shit! Tadashi looked quickly at the last kid in the lineup, a tall boy with blond hair and glasses and--

Oh.

Oh!!

Oh my gosh!!

“Kei?”

Tsukishima Kei was standing across from him, barely a yard away. Alive, and in the flesh, and right there! Tadashi couldn’t believe his eyes. He stepped forward.

“Tadashi?” Kei said, his voice incredulous, stiff stance weakening. His golden eyes were so bright, gleaming in the light of the fire like liquid gold. Tadashi gasped. It was him! It was his Kei! Tadashi ran forward, throwing himself at Tsukki, enveloping him in a hug. The rest of the world--Suga, the Crows, the fire--melted away.

His mind was racing. Oh my gosh! He was here. Here here. Alive and well, and so close and he was so cold, just like always. His hair was longer, sure, but his eyes were exactly the same! Tadashi wanted to press kisses into every inch of his face, but stayed where he was, his head tucked against Kei’s chest, inhaling deeply. He smells the same , Tadashi thought giddily.

But something...wasn’t exactly right. Kei was stiff as a plank of wood, and his arms were still at his side. Oh, whoops. In his excitement, Tadashi forgot that Kei didn’t like public displays of affection. Tadashi pulled away, but stayed close, looking directly up into Kei’s eyes that he missed so much.

“How did you get here?” Kei asked, and his voice was shuttered. Tadashi couldn’t tell anything about how he was feeling.

“Oh! Um, I moved over the summer. I didn’t know until we got home that my dad planned on moving us.” Tadashi explained, stuttering over his words. Kei wasn’t reacting. So Tadashi, nervously, continued.

“My phone broke when I got home, so I couldn’t text you! Your number was lost.” Tadashi fiddled his own fingers. “Um, why didn’t you text me?”

Something flickered in Kei’s eyes, and they became glassy, a little too bright. Tadashi reached up to touch Kei’s cheek, heart twisting a little painfully at the expression on his face. But Kei’s hand reached up and snatched it out of the air, moving it away from him. Tadashi, taken aback, looked at his hand now at his side and back up at Kei.

The expression was gone, but tears rested on his waterline. A slow smirk took its place.

Tadashi, agast, took a step back.

“Tsuk--”

“Why would I?” Kei asked, but his tone was hard. His golden eyes looked harder now, less liquid.

“Wait, w-what?” Tadashi asked, his heart beating in his throat.

“Why would I text you back?” Kei repeated, adjusting his sleeves. “You think that you get special treatment because we fucked over the summer?”

Suga snickered behind him. Tadashi didn’t pay him any mind.

“E-excuse me?” Tadashi stuttered, but Tsukki plowed on, the boys behind him creeping up, entranced by his words. Tadashi took another step back.

“You must have been pretty desperate for another round to find me here, huh, kid? Tsk, pathetic.” Tsukki taunted, his hands visibly trembling at his sides. The scary boy behind Tsukki “oohed,” smirking.

“Kei, p-please stop.”

Tsukishima stepped forward, now directly in Tadashi’s personal space. He loomed over him, and Tadashi, for the first time since he had met Tsukki, was afraid.

“If I have to, I guess I could show you another good time.”

The words were barely out of Tsukishima’s mouth before Tadashi shoved him away, hard. His hands were trembling with the force of it, with the force of every emotion bottled in his chest. Tsukishima only staggered slightly. He was too close. Too close too close everyone was too close.

Anger. Confusion. Insecurity. Embarrassment. Anguish. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt .

His chest hurt so every inhale was a rattle.

“Get away from me!” Tadashi cried, shoving Tsukki one more time for good measure. This time, he relented easier, now a good couple feet away.

“Y-You!” Tadashi could feel the tears in his eyes and could feel the hard stare of everyone around him. But he had to speak, get this out of him, get it out of him, please, get it out of him.

“It was all a lie? You never even--? You are such a vile snake, Tsukishima Kei!” Tadashi shouted, hands balling into fists. Tsukishima was a blank slate, only the ghost of a smirk lingered. He hated him for it he hated him he hated him he--

“You are the cruelest person I have ever met! I don’t ever want to see you again, do you understand?”

Tadashi couldn’t breathe, each word hurt his throat as he spit them. Everyone was deathly quiet, and even the thumping of the music was distant noise. Tadashi’s chest was heaving and he was suddenly and painfully aware of each pair of eyes on him. They weighed heavily on his shoulders. He had to get out of here.

“I wish I had never met you.” Tadashi rasped, his throat not letting him scream any longer.

Then he turned and fled, running as fast as his weak legs would carry him, away, away, away. Someone shouted behind him, but Tadashi couldn’t slow down, he couldn’t even see. His eyes were clouded with tears as he choked back a sob.

Tsukishima Kei was disgusting.

Chapter Text

Tadashi’s legs gave out somewhere behind the bleachers, his lungs screaming with the effort of running so fast. He couldn’t hear the sound of the bonfire anymore over the roaring of the blood in his ears. His chest was heaving and he stumbled, his hands catching himself before he hit the ground on the railing.

How could Kei do that to him?

No, he wasn’t Kei, he was Tsukishima. He never meant it, he never meant ANY of it. How could anyone DO that to another person?

He sank to his knees, pressing his back against the fence of the bleachers. His arms wrapped around his knees, making himself as small as he could.

Oh god.

Tadashi flushed deeply as he remembered all of the things he said to Kei. He told him about his greatest fears--his sister’s partying problem, his worry about his father being overworked, his feeling that his family would never be the same again after his mother died. He told him about his bullying and his insecurities. He waxed about his ugliness and his fear that no one would like him and Kei sat there and listened--all the while pretending to care when all he was thinking about was getting in his pants again.

Which was another thing that doesn’t add up, Tadashi’s spinning mind added. They never had sex. They kissed, definitely. They cuddled, often. They maybe went a little farther, sure. But nothing that they did could be considered sex, except maybe the time when they were kissing and Kei had touched him over his clothes. But Kei was so slow, and asked frequently if Tadashi was alright and if he wanted this and if it was okay. Tadashi wanted to reciprocate but Kei declined him.

He said no. Kei said no to the same sexual favors he held over Tadashi’s head like a threat. It didn't make any sense. How could be so good at acting, so genuine when he held Tadashi close and kissed him on the cheeks and on the nose and when he got this incredibly soft look in his eyes.

Why would he lie? About the sex? Or to Tadashi’s face for three entire months?

A small, quiet part of himself was vindictive. Ha, Kei just wanted sex so he spent three months on his mission to get it, only to get at most some light petting. What a disappointing summer.

Tadashi’s stomach twisted, making him heave. Disappointing. Yeah.

“Tadashi?” A voice called, and Tadashi jumped, startled. He pushed himself against the fence further. Don’t let them see, don’t let them see me. Don’t let it be Suga, a louder part of his mind shouted.

A blur of a figure rounded the corner at a sprint, and Tadashi exhaled. Hinata.

The small boy spotted Tadashi immediately and ran over, falling to his knees in front of him. His clothes were wildly disheveled, and he had a wild gleam in his eyes as he pressed a warm hand to the side of Tadashi’s face.

“Oh, Tadashi, are you okay?”

Tadashi took the hand from his face but held it, tears welling in his eyes with a new ferocity.

“Yeah.” He whispered, the noise a rasp in his throat. Hinata clearly wasn’t buying it, but let Tadashi be quiet, for once not speaking or demanding to be heard. Tadashi was infinitely grateful for Hinata in that moment.

“I’m sorry for r-running away.” Tadashi stuttered, sniffing. “Did everyone...How did they react? Are they laughing at me?”

Hinata snorted, and Tadashi’s stomach twisted. Hinata, bless him, picked up on it immediately and quickly shook his head.

“No, sorry, it’s not you.” He smiled, and tried to catch Tadashi’s eyes with his own. “I wouldn’t know. As soon as you turned to run, I kind of…” Hinata trailed off, flicking his eyes away. Tadashi couldn’t see his expression too well in the darkness of the night. A breeze flittered by, and Tadashi shivered.

“As soon as you turned to run, I might have...launched, I guess is the word, myself at that bastard.”

Tadashi’s eyes widened. A bark of a laugh shocked itself out of him against his will.

“What?”

Hinata’s eyes were shining with mischief, and he turned to sit next to Tadashi on the pavement.

“I shouted some very...un-nice things at him--mostly about defending your honor and if I ever saw his stupid smirk-y-like face around here again, yada, yada--and that stinky Kageyama had to pull me away. I would have gotten a couple great more shots in if that baka hadn’t picked me up.”

He was scowling, looking off into the middle distance as if contemplating this great injustice. Tadashi’s hand covered his mouth, a small smile crawling its way up his face.

“You...you hit him?”

Hinata nodded vigorously, his orange curls bouncing so quickly they were a blur in the dark.

“Oh, yes, many times.”

Tadashi giggled helplessly, the emotions of the night ramping up into dizzy hysteria. He was so pent up, he had no idea what to do but laugh. Hinata giggled along with him, and Tadashi was sure they made a strange image--a sobbing and laughing teenager pressed against the bleachers in muddy jeans and a small pink-clad redheaded teenager next to him, giggling along.

Hinata pressed a hand to Tadashi’s arm to get his attention, and Tadashi turned to him.

“Hey, don’t pay any attention to that jerk, okay?” Hinata implored, his eyes suddenly very intense. “He’s a dog.” Tadashi, if he hadn’t been cried out, would surely begin again. Hinata noticed tremble in Tadashi’s chin and plowed on. “No!” He said, “He’s a rat!” He flourished. “He’s a flea on a rat.” He looked back at Tadashi, nodding with conviction. “He’s an amoeba on a flea on a rat.”

Tadashi smiled, grateful for the attempt to cheer him up. This was the most tactful or, really, not loud, Hinata had ever been with Tadashi. How could he have such good friends and such bad friends all at once?

“Hey,” Hinata continued, after a minute of silence. “The boys are coming to my house after the pep rally. It’s a Raven tradition.”

Which meant Suga was going to be there, Tadashi realized. Before Tadashi could decline, Hinata continued.

“I get it if you don’t want to go after what Suga did, but I would like it if you came.”

Tadashi paused, unsure.

“Why did Suga do that?” He asked, in lieu of saying anything else. Hinata inhaled deeply and let it all out at once, a comically large and exaggerated sound for the moment.

“He’s...afraid to lose what he has. And he’s been through a lot. But it’s not my story to tell.” Hinata shrugged. “The Ravens is a small group but we look out for each other.” Hinata’s voice was warm. “He’s my friend and I’d like for you to be my friend, too.”

Tadashi’s heart ached. He’d like friends. And after tonight...well, he needed them. A fun night with the Ravens might be just what he needed right now. He could...learn to live with Suga. Maybe even learn to like him. It wasn’t Suga’s fault that Tsukishima was so terrible and cruel. Maybe Suga was just trying to do something nice for him when he recognized his name.

Tadashi found himself nodding.

“Yeah, okay.” He said, before being immediately engulfed in Hinata’s bone-crushing hug.

“YAY!” Hinata--was that a squeal?--squealed. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

~

Hinata’s house was surprisingly small. His parents were sweet, honest people, and his little sister was just adorable. As soon as she saw Tadashi walk through the door, she hugged Hinata around the legs very fiercely and said, “Thank you very much for bringing me another very tall friend to play with!”

Asahi even scooped her up on his way by and they whispered conspiratorially on their way to Hinata’s room.

“Come on, tall friend!” She shouted behind her, as Hinata very loudly protested, chasing them.

The Ravens were now all spread out in Hinata’s room, which was exactly how Tadashi imagined it would look. The walls were plastered with posters from just about every sport imaginable, but most numerously volleyball. A small, dark-headed figure took up the volleyball posters almost exclusively, but Tadashi didn’t want to seem weird and try to read them. His room, even though he was clearly expecting guests, was a pigsty. Clothes and magazines were strewn over every imaginable piece of furniture--which only included his small twin bed, a desk (at least it might have been a desk at one point, as it was too cluttered to tell), and a dresser with a big mirror leaning on it against a wall. It looked like an old vanity, and Tadashi was immediately charmed by it, though he didn’t know why.

Asahi, who had dropped Natsu (Tadashi learned the little tyke’s name, finally) off at her room with promises to play later, was draped over Hinata’s bed, dwarfing it with his sheer size. He was typing furiously on his phone, a blush on his cheeks. Suga was currently very invested in a bottle of cherry schnapps (where had he been keeping it?) and scrolling through what Tadashi assumed must have been his Twitter feed. Tadashi was perched awkwardly on the stool in front of Hinata’s dresser. His eyes were still sore from his meltdown, and he hoped that they would all go to sleep soon. A deep-set, bone-aching tiredness was filling Tadashi at a rapid rate. Ennoshita and Hinata were perched around the vanity, discussing at length Hinata’s new crisis.

“I don’t want to graduate high school,” Hinata whined. Ennoshita was patting him on the hand. “I’m actually super passionate about so many things and college is DUMB. I don’t wanna do it!” He pouted.

“News flash, kiddo: College is necessary.” Suga chimed in, eyes not lifting from his phone screen. He paused, looked up at the ceiling and pondered, then gestured at Hinata, eyes dropping to his hunched figure. “Unless you want to put those perky nipples to the test and become a stripper.” He took another swig.

Hinata wailed indignantly, flapping his arms.

“Um, no! Actually, I want to go to…” He trailed off, looking expectantly at the rest of the group. Tadashi, from his spot at Hinata’s desk chair, took his cue to look intrigued and anticipatory.

“BEAUTY SCHOOL!!!” Hinata cried, falling back against his dresser dramatically. Ennoshita, without looking, smoothly moved his hand behind Hinata’s head before it slammed against the mirror.

Everyone looked at Hinata and blinked slowly. Then Suga and Asahi shared a look and Suga said,

“Are you gonna tell him? If I do it, it’s gonna be mean.”

Asahi stuttered, but Hinata cut him off with another indignant squawk.

“What?! I’m actually, like, super good you guys! I can do hair, and makeup, and nails, and like, um, oh yeah...piercings!”

Hinata swiveled suddenly, looking directly at Tadashi.

“Give me your lobes!” He cried, launching himself off of the stool. Tadashi, startled, leaned back. He was not quick enough, however, as Hinata already had two hands wrapped around Tadashi’s earlobes. He moved Tadashi’s head around, using his ears like the handles on a bicycle, humming loudly in what Tadashi assumed was supposed to be a thoughtful manner.

Hinata let him go and whisked off, running to the bathroom.

“I’ve got just the thing for you here, Tadashi!” His voice called, muffled.

The four boys who watched him go collapsed into giggles. Suga rolled his eyes, still laughing. He pulled out a packet from his jacket. Cigarettes.

He opened it, slipping out one.

“I’m going to need something to help me deal with this kid.” He said, then paused. He looked surreptitiously at Tadashi from the corner of his eye, as if considering something.

He held his hand out to Tadashi, the pack in his palm, long, pale fingers curled loosely.

“Want one?” He asked, grudgingly. Tadashi smiled and shook his head.

“Oh, no thank you, I don’t smoke.”

Suga rolled his eyes, withdrawing the offering. His voice was bitter when he spoke.

“Of course you don’t.”

Tadashi looked down at his hands in his lap. He felt inexplicably like he missed something. An opportunity, maybe? An opportunity for what? Hinata flew back into the room, carrying a few unidentifiable bottles, a cup of ice, and a needle.

“Alright, Tadashi, it’s just me and your ear, now!”

Tadashi quickly covered both of his ears with his hands, looking in fear at the weapons Hinata was now pointing at him.

“I-I don’t know if I want my ears pierced, Shoyo.” Tadashi said, stumbling over his words. Hinata deflated visibly, lowering his arms.

“Oh, come on, Tadashi. Please!” He begged. “If you hate it, you can let your hole close again! No harm, no foul!”

Tadashi looked and felt unconvinced.

“You’d be doing me a huge favor, pleeeease!” And then he fixed him with the finishing move. Oh no. A deadly one-punch knockout of puppy dog eyes. Tadashi groaned, resigning himself to his fate.

“Oh, fine, but I’m not keeping it.” Tadashi swore, letting his hands fall back to his lap. Hinata cheered, fishing the needle and an unlabeled bottle from his stash of supplies. He assured Tadashi seemingly at random, comforting him a little too loudly to be convincing. Tadashi rolled his eyes. It wasn’t as if he would be keeping the little hole. Just a poke, and Hinata could go back to waxing poetic about his wasted potential. Hinata was busy at his ear, dabbing his lobe with something cold when a clear bottle appeared in his field of vision.

“You want some liquid pain medication, pretty boy?” Suga’s voice asked, and it took a second for Tadashi to recognize that the offer was for him. He tried to look at Suga as much as Hinata’s death grip on his head would allow and smiled apologetically.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry, but I don’t really drink either.” Tadashi apologized. “Thank you, though.”

The bottle hovered for a few seconds and retreated from his field of view as Suga said nothing. The silence was just a little too thick for it to be a noiseless acceptance, though, and it made Tadashi nervous. He was about to say something--anything--before Hinata piped up.

“Okay!” He cried. “Get ready, Tadashi!”

Tadashi barely had time to register the comment before a sharp pain tore through his ear.

“Ow!” He recoiled, and held his ear. It was very warm. Extremely warm. He looked to Hinata, who was suddenly ashen. Hinata swallowed, still holding the needle between his fingers.

“Uhhh,” he said dumbly, “I think we should go to the bathroom. My parents will kill me if I get blood on the carpet.” He reached over and pulled Tadashi along with him.

“What?! Blood?” Tadashi cried, a little hysterically, as he was pulled from the room. The door closed behind them.

~

Ennoshita looked from Asahi to Suga, left in the aftermath of Tadashi and Hinata’s hasty retreat. Suga burst into laughter, the unlit cigarette still dangling from his fingers. Asahi laughed nervously, but turned back to his phone.

Geez.

Asahi was absolutely whipped for that kid--he practically wouldn’t put his phone down for anything whenever that boy texted. Nishinoya. That’s all ever Asahi would talk about, that tiny Crow kid. One of Daichi’s boys, he said. Even though Asahi literally had countless people try to climb him like a pole any time he was single, he only really ever seemed to have eyes for that tiny punk. Something about his passion, or whatever.

As long as he was happy, Ennoshita guess it didn’t matter very much. But Asahi was frowning an awful lot tonight. He hoped nothing bad had happened. Trouble in paradise, perhaps?

Ennoshita opened his mouth to speak, to ask Asahi what was wrong, when Suga stood up suddenly. The two sitting boys jumped in surprise when Suga all but growled, cursing under his breath and making a low, rumbling noise in his throat.

“That kid is such a flower.” Suga spit, taking a long drag of his cigarette before putting it out on Hinata’s bed frame. Ennoshita and Asahi shared a look.

“I don’t know, Suga. He’s sweet and very genuine--” Ennoshita began before Suga scoffed, cutting him off. He sauntered over to Hinata’s dresser, shoving Ennoshita over on the bench, and began rifling through Hinata’s possessions, picking up a cast-aside eyeliner. He popped open the cap and began to put it to his eyes, before pausing. He put a single dot beneath his eye, mirroring his beauty mark. He looked at Ennoshita, casting him a sly look before taking the pencil to his face again, pressing small dots all over his face. He spun around and mussed his hair, making it stick up out of order. He leaned back against the dresser seductively.

“Look at me, I’m Tadashi--lousy with virginity.” Suga said, and then his mouth fell in a dramatic pout, his eyes widening almost comically. Surprised, Ennoshita gasped a laugh. Suga, fueled, slinked off of the bench, stroking his hands along Ennoshita’s shoulders. “Now I know I’m leading you on, but I’m just too innocent and too good to compromise my--” He smirked, pausing.

“Morals.”

He skipped over to Asahi, who had put his phone down to giggle at Suga’s impression. Suga tangled his hands in Asahi’s hair, pulling it down from his bun.

“Oh, please, don’t offer me any cigarettes or alcohol, baby.” He cooed. “I’m just too fragile and pure to handle them.”

Asahi giggled as Suga climbed over him, standing up on the bed. He bounced once on the bed, arms above his head.

“Oh, Elvis, you scoundrel! Keep that pelvis far from me! I’m no object of lust, I’m just plain Tadashi.” Suga cried, leaning against the wall in a starlet fashion, hand falling dramatically against his forehead. Ennoshita laughed in spite of himself.

“I can’t even handle the implication that you, a slut, would come near me with your devil’s liquor. I don’t even know how you could find someone like me, a prude, attractive.” Suga dramatically sighed, fanning his face.

The door opened, and suddenly Tadashi was in the room, eyes wide. He looked physically ill as he saw the dots on Suga’s face, his arm covering his stomach. His fists were clenched. Ennoshita’s ears burned with shame.

“Are you making fun of me, Suga?” Tadashi asked, voice quiet.

Suga had the guts to look unashamed, and he jumped, falling down and bouncing off of Hinata’s bed into a stand. He grabbed a makeup wipe off of Hinata’s dresser and fell back into his chair.

“Some people are so touchy.” He grumbled, wiping his face.

The room was painfully silent as seconds ticked by, until Hinata barged back in.

“Hey, guys! Good news is…oh.” Hinata took a read of the room, and must have decided that asking what had happened would make the situation worse than better. He only faltered for a second though, before becoming bubbly and energetic again. “I was thinking that--”

A honk sounded outside of the window, and Asahi yelped, startled. Hinata was ready to plow on, assuming it was a random coincidence, but another honk sounded. Ennoshita and he shared a look. Ennoshita stood up, walking to the window and opening the blinds.

The Crows were all piled in a car in Hinata’s driveway. Nishinoya was standing up, waving wildly at the window, Daichi was in the passenger seat, looking vaguely amused, and the other three boys were squished in the back seat, all looking relatively cross. However, when Tanaka looked up, he smiled and...was that a wink? Ennoshita flushed.

“It’s the Crows.” Ennoshita called back into the room, eyes still on Tanaka’s face.

“What?” Hinata squawked, running up to Ennoshita and pushing him aside. He threw open the window, leaning out. A spike of panic hit Ennoshita through the heart, and he grabbed the back of Hinata’s shirt as the boy leaned impossibly far out of the window, scowling. The smaller boy inhaled sharply, ready to begin his tirade when Nishinoya held up one arm, and put the other over his heart, in a dramatic fashion.

“Tadashi, oh Tadashi, wherefore art thou, Tadashi?” He called, smirking. “We have thy Juliet, though pissy he mayhaps be.”

Behind him, Ennoshita could feel Tadashi stiffen and the boy backed away from the window, pressing himself against the far wall. Down below, Tsukishima was scowling and shouting at Nishinoya intelligibly, and in one smooth move, he jumped from the car, walking away. Nishinoya called after him, taunting him, but the boy kept walking until he was out of sight. Hinata beraded him the entire way.

“Oi! Sucky-shima! I told you what would happen if I ever saw your stupid face around here again, you hear me?” Ennoshita pulled sharply at Hinata, pulling him back into the window, and the boy squealed as he hit the carpet. However, the boy bounced back up, undeterred, but Tsukishima had already disappeared. Hinata pouted, cheated from being able to yell at him.

Suga moved Hinata out of the way, himself leaning languidly out the window as he called down to Daichi.

“Hey, you feeling lucky tonight, Crow?”

Daichi grinned and nodded slowly. Suga bit his lip.

“Then I’m going to have to ask you to scatter those birds.” He was smirking, almost smiling uncontrollably.

“You got it, kid.” Daichi said, barely raising his voice over his normal volume. He turned to the other boys in the car. They blinked back at him. “You heard him, boys. Out.”

They immediately started groaning, complaining loudly. Daichi cut them off with a sharp glare. They stopped complaining, but still groaned as they heaved themselves out of the beat-up convertible. The only silent one was Kageyama, but he was scowling fiercely enough to kill.

“Bye, Ennoshita!” Tanaka called as he and Nishinoya began walking past, and Nishinoya looked up at Asahi, but said nothing. Suga ran past Ennoshita back into the room, hurriedly pulling his shoes and jacket on.

“Alright, boys, I’m gonna go get some.” He said, grabbing the bottle of schnapps last and taking a swig. “Have fun not getting laid.”

Hinata began to protest.

“My parents are downstairs, you can’t go past them with that alcohol. Suga paused, considering this, before he smirked. He put the neck of the bottle into his mouth and went back to the window, hoisting himself out of it.

Ennoshita cried out, but Suga caught himself on the trellis beneath the window. He buried his fingers in the ivy growing up the house and shimmied down. He landed on the grass gracefully. The boys in the window were watching with wide eyes, minus Tadashi, who was still lost in hurt thought against the wall.

Suga saluted the remaining Ravens, skipping over the car, bottle in hand. Daichi had moved over to the driver’s seat and welcomed Suga with a kiss as he hopped into the passenger’s seat. The car was out of the driveway before Ennoshita could blink. Suga waved as the car turned.

The car disappeared down the street and into the night, four stunned boys watching the taillights fade into nothing.

Chapter Text

Suga couldn’t bite back the moan in his throat in enough time and it fell from his lips. Daichi grinned against his mouth, kissing him forcefully.

The night was cold, but Daichi was a furnace above him. They were in a drive-in movie of some kind, but neither boy was watching the movie. They had parked in the far corner, far away enough and dark enough for no one to see, and the speakers were just loud enough so no one could hear. Daichi had pressed Suga down almost as soon as they had braked, pushing him over the armrest and into the backseat. Suga couldn’t help but smile as Daichi kissed his way down his throat and chest, looking up at the stars.

He liked this boy. He liked this boy a lot. Daichi made Suga’s heart feel awkward in his chest and his skin stretched too tightly over his bones. They had known each other for years, practically growing up together but had only started doing this--whatever this was--for about eight months. Suga liked it. And Suga didn’t like most things. He liked the Ravens and he liked Daichi. And maybe the milkshakes from Takeda’s. That was it.

Speaking of the boy in question, Daichi suddenly stopped. Suga groaned in protest, trying to catch his mouth on his again. But Daichi pressed back, practically sitting up. Suga blinked dumbly up at him, propping himself up on his elbows. He felt incredibly cold.

“What’s up?” Suga asked, blowing his bangs out of his face. Daichi watched the movements.

“Um…” Daichi said, straightening his shoulders as much as he could before pulling back completely. Suga followed him, now sitting up as well. They faced each other in the back of the convertible as a scream echoed from the nearest speaker. A girl had gotten stabbed on the screen. The silver image rippled in the corner of Suga’s vision.

“Suga, I love you.”

Daichi was looking at him now, his dark eyes almost black in the low light. Suga swallowed hard. Shit. A sharp, white-hot stab of fear shot him. Shit. He felt hot, all over his body, and his mind was spinning. Love. He loved him. Daichi loved him . Shit. Love love love love love . Suga needed to get out of here there was too many things happening at once Suga wasn’t ready he didn’t love Daichi back but he didn’t want to give him up what was he going to do what was he going to --

The world tumbled to the left, and Suga felt himself thrown against the side of the car. He yelped in surprise, a dull pain rattling around his ribs. Daichi was sprawled on the seat, having been thrown, too. Suga looked up.

Kuroo was two feet away, behind the helm of a sleek, red corvette. His bored second-in-command--the small one, whatever his name was--was sitting in the passenger seat, looking decidedly annoyed. They had hit their car, Suga realized. They physically smashed into their car because he knew they would be in it. Kuroo didn’t say anything, but his smirk was sharp, made more severe in the light of the screen. He wasn’t wearing his red Cats jacket, but the boy next to him had a peek of red near his collar. Suga felt himself smirk. Interesting.

“Hey, you crazy kids.” He said, his voice a slow drawl. Daichi righted himself, his face a mask of anger. His eyes were sharp and dangerous. Suga swallowed. Daichi turned himself to Kuroo, whose eyes widened in anticipation.

“What are you doing on this side of the tracks, Kuroo?” Daichi asked, but all pretense of conversation was gone. It was a stand-off. Suga and the boy in Kuroo’s car made eye contact. His cat-like eyes were gleaming. Kuroo barked a laugh.

“I think you’ll find that I can go anywhere I damn well please, Sawamura.”

Suga’s eyes widened. No one called Daichi that. He was afraid to look to his left as Daichi darkened. His next words were a growl.

“I swear if you think you can come over to our side of town and fuck with our property, you’ve got another thing coming, Tetsuro.”

Suga almost laughed aloud at the look on Kuroo’s face. Daichi never cursed, and he barely called anyone by their first name. Kuroo’s jaw was slack and for a second he had the good sense to look nervous. But it was gone just as quickly, and his trademark smirk was back on his face.

“How is my little moon? I heard he’s been more of a bitch than usual.” Kuroo grinned, and the boy next to him shifted uncomfortably, his eyes falling to the floor of the car. “I hope you’re taking care of him, Sawamura.”

Suga could feel Daichi’s muscles roll under his clothing, gearing up for a fight. Suga put a hand on Daichi’s thigh, hard, keeping him grounded. Daichi took this impediment in stride, instead growling,

“Tsukishima is no longer any of your business, Kuroo.”

And it was true, for the most part. Tsukishima was now a Crow. Kuroo had no business asking about members of Daichi’s gang, and Daichi was acutely aware of that.

“Now, if you don’t want a reminder of what happened the last time you tried to fuck with me, I suggest you enjoy the movie.”

Daichi’s voice was threateningly low, each word slow and purposeful. Suga felt a low bolt of arousal shoot through his abdomen. He sounded dangerous. Kuroo’s hand shifted on the steering wheel.

“Don’t worry, Sawamura.” He purred. “I’m just taking my little kitten for a film. He loves his movies.”

The boy--his name, Kerra? Kemma?--was now visibly uncomfortable, and clearly wanted an escape. But Kuroo put the car back in drive.

“I hope to see you and your shit car on the Track, sometime.” Kuroo called, as he drove away. “I could expect nothing less from a Crow.”

“For your own sake, I hope you don’t see me around here again!” Daichi called after him. Another girl was murdered on the screen, and the scream echoed in the silence Kuroo left. The sound of the knife sinking into flesh was sickening. Daichi and Suga looked back at each other, and Suga remembered what they had been talking about before Kuroo had shown up.

Panic settled back in his heart, which now fluttered against his breastbone with newfound vigor. Suga scooted away from Daichi, who was still fuming to himself about the unexpected breach of territory. Suga, with shaky arms, pulled himself out of the car. He grabbed his jacket, and only then did Daichi register what was going on.

“Hey, wait, Suga.” Daichi grabbed Suga’s hand as he turned to leave. Suga’s insides were shaking, and he’s pretty sure all of his outsides were too. He tried to smile, but he felt like even that was trembling.

“Sorry, pretty boy,” He croaked. “I don’t do love.” Daichi’s face fell. Suga leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss against his still-swollen lips. He smiled. “See you later, Daichi.”

Then Suga turned and walked away, shivering, lonely, and cold.

~

Kei wasn’t sleeping.

He didn’t sleep well, if at all. His stomach was in a perpetual knot, and whatever food he could choke down felt bland and dry. Kei had always prided himself on his emotionless calculation of events and his stoic way of moving through life. It was what worked, and it was how he was able to keep himself together.

Now, however, he could barely force himself to leave the garage. His eyes were dry and itchy, like cotton balls. His eyes were so sore in his skull that he felt as if he’d been crying for days, but he hadn’t shed a single tear. He felt like crying, but honestly he was too tired. There was a perpetual lump in his throat and when he spoke, his words were hoarse.

Everytime he closed his eyes, Tadashi’s face was there. Tear-stricken, pink, and horrified. Over and over and over again. He did that.

Kei did that to him .

He made him cry. It wasn’t as if he had never seen Tadashi cry before--Tadashi had cried when he told him about his sister, about his mother, about his childhood--but Kei had kissed the tears off of his face and held him closer. Now he had caused it. He had made Tadashi’s lip tremble and his eyes crinkle and his breath hitch. Tadashi had run away from him. He had shoved him and yelled that he never wanted to see him again.

The relief of seeing Tadashi at that bonfire was inexplicable and all-consuming. His heart was filled almost to the brink and his lungs were painfully full. But then Kei remembered who he was. He was a Crow. He was dangerous, his friends were dangerous, and his life was dangerous. Any non-Crow members of society were a risk to have in your life. The only reason Daichi kept Suga around in the way that he did was because the Ravens were practically a gang in their own right. They just left the dirty work up to the Crows. The dirty work of keeping Kuroo and his Cats off of the streets. And oh god, Kei didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Kuroo could somehow get his hands on Tadashi. The boy was creepy and possessive at the best of times, even though he and Kei had broken up over a year ago. Kei pushed the thought away. Kuroo was his own mess. Tadashi was safe now, because of him.

Because Kei had hurt him.

Which was something Kei had promised that he would never do, when he was holding Tadashi close to him on those lazy summer afternoons while it was raining. He held Tadashi to his chest on the screened porch of his rental house, watching the rain and thunder wreak havoc on the tall trees in the backyard. Tadashi would be so warm and his smile would be so genuine that Kei could ache with it. He felt so overprotective of that boy when that would happen. If anyone, even Daichi himself, walked through the creaky screen door, Kei would do what he needed to keep him away.

But Kei did that all by himself. Not kept Daichi away but made sure that Tadashi did.

Kei had done the right thing. Now Tadashi would be safe. Kei would keep his reputation and Tadashi would keep his health.

But that didn’t explain why Kei felt so broken .

His chest hurt with every inhale and his eyes ached in his skull. He could barely focus on his work at the shop, nevermind his actual schoolwork.

That was why now he was sitting in the back of the garage, perched on the workbench. He was sorting through spark plugs, counting them into separate boxes. He and Kageyama shared inventory duty, as Nishinoya and Tanaka were too poor-attentioned to sit and count. However, Kageyama today was somewhere out in the town with that little orange-haired punk--Hinata something or the other. Kei didn’t have much respect or liking for the boy until he launched himself at him two nights ago. The kid threw a mean punch, and Kei wished he could do it to himself. No one deserved to get the shit kicked out of him more than Kei did.

He was also happy for the distraction. Or, he used to be.

“Hey, Tsukishima,” Daichi said, perched at his shoulder. Kei jumped. When did he get there? Had he been standing there this whole time? Kei sighed. His mind had run away with him again. He ran a hand over his face, exhaling.

“Yeah, what?” Kei asked, looking up at the boy. Oh. He looked like shit. Daichi’s eyes were sunken in his head like he hadn’t slept well, and he was sporting an unusually dark 5 o’clock shadow. “Woah, that dickwad keep you up all night?”

Daichi gave him a dark look, but didn’t respond. Oh. Suga was...inexplicably not part of the picture anymore. Did they break up? Daichi wouldn’t look  this shitty if Daichi had did the breaking, so he got dumped? Kei frowned. Daichi waved it away.

“That’s not why I’m here--Kuroo was asking about you the other night. Just making sure that you haven’t been contacting him.”

Kei’s vision tunneled. He could hear his breathing in his ears. Kuroo. He had been asking about him.

Kei met Kuroo about three years ago. He picked him up wandering the streets on the wrong side of the city and took him back to Daichi’s side of town, giving him his slow, infuriating smirk. Kei was intrigued. It was hard not to be, for the boy was both beautiful and impertinent. His smile made you feel powerful. Kei had returned to meet the boy again. And again. They met dozens of times and eventually, Kuroo kissed him. It was heady, dominating. Kei was trapped. Kuroo taught him how to fight, how to kiss, how to hold grudges. How to hurt others.

It made Kei’s stomach churn. Kuroo was powerful and he could make others feel the need to impress him. Just being in his presence made others feel that they were also part of something dark and important. It was no wonder that after Naoi stepped down from the Black Cats, Kuroo stepped up and took control.

He became cruel.

His methods were more and more dangerous. He stopped asking Kei if he could kiss him, instead taking him after a particularly hard fight. Kei knew that he wouldn’t stop--Kuroo would never stop.

So he left, hurriedly, in the night. He fled to Ukai’s Auto Shop and asked to join the Crows. Daichi, when he saw the look in Kei’s eyes, agreed. Kuroo couldn’t touch him, now.

But he lingered. Kuroo was always there.

“No, of course not.” Kei all but spat, shaking his head. Daichi nodded, looking down at Kei’s hands. They were shaking, white-knuckled against the box he was unloading.

“Okay, I believe you.” He said, stepping back. “It seemed innocent enough, and he was with someone else.”

Kei blinked. Nothing was “innocent enough” with Kuroo. But he nodded anyway, going back to the orders. Daichi put a hand on his shoulder and said nothing. Kei paused, letting the physical reassurance wash over him. He closed his eyes. Daichi squeezed once, and then he was gone.

Kei began to count.

Chapter Text

A week and a half had passed since the bonfire, and Tadashi wasn’t doing well. He felt that it was appropriate that seemingly everyone had matched his mood with their own--Suga was more tempestuous and demeaning than ever, Chikara was quiet, and Asahi was more and more reserved every day.

The only one that hadn’t seemed to get the memo, though, was Hinata. Defiantly, the boy seemed to get more energetic and determined with each passing day. His efforts to make Tadashi laughed grew more and more desperate, and his jokes became more and more ridiculous.

Tadashi appreciated the efforts, he really did, but all he wanted to do was curl into a ball in his bedroom and not have to speak with anyone. Suga’s biting comments on his face and body grew sharper every day and when before Tadashi was all but unaware of the Crows in daily life, suddenly they were all he could see. He saw Daichi duck into a hallway when the Ravens passed by, he could see Nishinoya try to mess with the clock next to the office only to get hit down by the physics teacher holding a broom. The dark, surly one that Hinata was very insistent about his indifference on, was intensely staring down the dairy section in the grocery store, holding two cartons of milk in his hands and grumbling. Tanaka could be seen wildly pressing reps through the window of the Karasuno Gym. The only Crow that didn’t seem intent on parading himself in front of Tadashi was the only Crow that Tadashi couldn’t stop thinking about.

Blonde hair and dark eyes were nowhere to be seen. Either the boy was not showing up to school, or he had become a master of avoiding Tadashi’s gaze. Tadashi almost wished that he would show his face and look him in the eyes. The bonfire seemed like an entirely separate event from reality. It only existed in the same world where the dark things are--void of meaning or color. He needed to see his face in the light of day--in the school, on the street--then he could...get closure? Was closure what he wanted? Tadashi didn’t know, but it seemed that he wouldn't be getting it anyway. Tsukishima was...a coward. The word didn’t sit right in his brain, but what else could it be? Why would Tsukishima care if he saw Tadashi again if what they had really meant...nothing?

Tadashi was leaning against his locker during lunch period, having just retrieved his lunch. He meant to go directly to the courtyard, but he got so distracted by his own thoughts that his feet had strayed. Suddenly, he was pushed sharply to the right. He yelped, barely catching himself on the wall of lockers.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry!” Hinata cried, grabbing Tadashi’s arm and righting him again. Tadashi brushed off his apologies, smiling weakly. The boy continued to ramble.

“I just have such good news that I forgot to hold myself back! I do that all the time! One time, I was out in public with Kag--I mean one of my friends and I just tackled him so hard that--”

Tadashi placed a steadying hand on Hinata’s chest, who had steadily started to lean forward in his excitement. He stuttered to a stop, sheepish.

“What’s this good news you wanted to tell me?” Tadashi asked, guiding them both towards the doors at the end of the hallway. Hinata bounced along next to him, jumping from foot to foot.

“Oh, yeah!” He began. “You know how you’ve been bummed a lot lately?” Tadashi frowned. Hinata plowed on, undeterred. “Do you like girls?”

Tadashi blinked. What? What did that have to do with anything? Those two phrases could not have been more disjointed. His confusion must have shown on his face, because Hinata began to speak again.

“I mean, like, to kiss?”

Tadashi blushed so deeply and immediately that he felt a little dizzy. Hinata blinked up at him, his face a blank slate.

“W-What?” He stuttered. “What does that have to do with your news?”

Hinata smiled, then, slow and smug.

“Because I have a foolproof plan to raise your spirits, buddy!” He declared with a flourish. “I have set you up on a date!”

Tadashi tripped.

~

The date that Hinata had set him up on was with another senior named Yachi. Hinata had sworn profusely that Yachi was both “cool” and “so cool.” She was a part of the track team and liked sweets, apparently. From the brief glimpse that Tadashi had gotten from her picture, she was a short, cute girl with short blonde hair and bangs. Tadashi had raised his eyebrows at Hinata, who put his hands up in protest, claiming something about Tadashi’s “type.”

In a way, Kei and Yachi did kind of look alike, now that Tadashi thought about it. Despite the...steep height difference, she had kind, warm brown eyes and sandy blonde hair. It made Tadashi sad. It also made him a little sick. He wasn’t doing this because he liked her. He was going on a date with her because his misguided friend wanted to help him get over a heartbreak. Tadashi had tried to get out of it, but he had no classes with Yachi and had no idea how to find her.

So that’s how he found himself at Takeda’s Diner at 6 pm that Friday night, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Hinata had invited the scary boy over to help Tadashi get dressed, but Tadashi had never felt more uncomfortable as he waited outside of the diner. After Hinata and Kageyama had bickered wildly over what Tadashi would wear, they decided on a dark graphic t-shirt and a light brown jacket. He looked alright, he supposed, but they had previously wanted him to wear a neon green hoodie and bright red pants. So, how on earth they had decided on this ensemble, Tadashi would never know.

“Um...are you Yamaguchi?” A nervous voice called from behind him. Tadashi’s stomach tumbled as he turned around. Oh. Okay. Tadashi smiled. Yachi was about a head shorter than him, and was dressed in a knee-length polka-dotted dress. She had colorful hair clips in her hair, and her makeup was subtle and pretty. She was pretty and unassuming, but her eyes were warm. I can do this , he thought. He greeted her, and they walked into the diner.

About an hour later, Tadashi and Yachi were just getting their main course, but were stuck in uproarious laughter.

“--and then Hinata jumped onto her back and they spun into the pool.” Yachi said, and Tadashi choked on his milkshake, coughing. She patted him on the back as he coughed on his laughter.

“That sounds just like him!” Tadashi laughed, blushing self-consciously. Yachi nodded, smiling.

“Yeah, he’s always been a spitfire.” Yachi chuckled, blushing herself. But her eyes were troubled. Tadashi tilted his head, and called her name. She looked up, and seemingly prodded by his inquisitive stare, softened.

“Um, Yamaguchi, I have something I need to tell you.” Tadashi nodded, and smiled in what he hoped was a comforting manner. She bit her lip and looked down at her burger. “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but you seem very nice, and deserve to know.”

Oh my goodness. Tadashi was about to get dumped, wasn’t he? Well, not dumped, they technically weren’t even dating. But Yachi probably hated him, and wanted to let him down gently before he got any ideas.

“I have a girlfriend.” Yachi blurted. Tadashi blinked. Oh. That...wasn’t what he expected. Yachi plowed on, now visibly flustered. “I’m in the closet with my friends right now but I have a girlfriend in college so when Hinata asked me to meet you here tonight, I couldn’t say no because I was afraid to tell him. I mean, what if he’s not ready to hear about that part of my life? I like boys, too. Like, you’re really nice and pretty, but I still like my girlfriend the most. Because, we’re uh dating. But I don’t want you to hate me because you’re really nice and I didn’t want to hurt you. Because I’m not...um...available.”

She slowed to a stop while Tadashi didn’t say anything. Surprisingly, Tadashi found himself smiling. He put a hand over Yachi’s on the table, and grinned.

“It’s okay, Yachi. My heart...isn’t exactly open at the moment either.” Tadashi admitted sheepishly. Yachi slumped, seemingly relieved. “I appreciate you telling me. It makes me happy to hear that you’re happy, though! Tell me about your girlfriend.”

Yachi began to bubble, and energetically began to speak again. Her girlfriend was a girl named Kiyoko, and from the way Yachi talked about her, she was wildly in love. The way she talked about Tadashi reminded him about how he described Tsukki to his sister. It made him a little sad. But Kiyoko was a very lucky girl. Then, Yachi’s eyes caught on something over Tadashi’s shoulder, and her smile fell. Tadashi, concerned, craned his neck behind him. Over his shoulder, he could see a group of boys in leather jackets come through the door. Oh, that was Daichi in the front. Oh, god. That meant--

“Those boys look like trouble--” Yachi began, smiling a little. Tadashi stood up quickly.

“I’m gonna go change the song!” Tadashi blurted, sliding around the table. He kept his head down, leaving Yachi looking after him, confused.

He hurried over to the jukebox behind the bar, hoping that no one would see him. He stared blankly at the shiny, bubbling display as he heard Daichi ask for a table for give. Kageyama, Tanaka, Nishinoya, Daichi himself, and...Kei. Oh, shit, Kei was here. Tadashi skimmed his pockets for coins, hoping to look less conspicuous. He scrounged up two quarters and put them in the machine. Perfect. He flipped through the racks of small records blindly. A familiar album cover caught his attention.

Oh. That was Tadashi’s favorite song. Tadashi couldn’t help but smile, albeit faintly, as he clicked the numbers in. A familiar melody began to play, and Tadashi exhaled, the tension leaving his body. An shaky exhale sounded to Tadashi’s left. A soft, achingly familiar voice called his name. Tadashi blinked back the sudden onslaught of tears--he knew that voice. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look .

“ Tadashi .”

Chapter Text

Kei didn’t want to go out Friday night.

Daichi was more short-tempered than he had ever been and Nishinoya and Tanaka were talking in almost exclusively hushed tones to each other. The only Crow who seemed mildly happy with life at the moment was Kageyama who held his phone close to him during working hours at the garage. His usual trademark scowl would lessen just a tad whenever it bing ed, but every new notification made the line between Daichi’s eyebrows deepen. If Kei was hoping that Daichi would eventually give up on Suga, he was quickly being proven wrong.

But Ukai had shoved them all out of his garage that night, complaining loudly about how lame they were for not doing anything on a Friday night. Daichi had grumbled but ultimately said nothing. Kageyama, who had mysteriously disappeared, earlier that night bumped into them on their way to the diner. Tanaka had said something about Ukai trying to impress the squirrly owner, and claimed that they should go to mess with the guy. Daichi shot him down immediately, but the idea of a milkshake must have stuck because that’s where the boys were currently, shuffling awkwardly in the bright lights of the diner.

Tsukishima’s own mood had not improved at all, and if anything, he felt weaker by the day. His mother tried to bribe him with extra helpings of breakfast every morning, but he couldn’t find it in himself to eat much. So maybe a strawberry milkshake was what the doctor ordered...maybe. But nevertheless, Takeda’s Diner was bright and a little gaudy, the theme of the diner being the traditional 1950s look. Red vinyl booths and sleek silver countertops were a little too bright to look directly at, and the soft music pumping from the jukebox in the corner was appropriately slow.

Daichi asked for a booth and the Crows piled in. Kei stepped up and was just about to slide in himself when a familiar song began to play through the speakers. He froze. He knew this song. It would play through his earbuds almost everyday for three months, and the memory was so intensely linked to a boy with dark freckles and a happy grin. Tadashi loved this song. It made Kei’s stomach roil. His appetite was once again lost, and there was no way he could listen to this song and not think about Tadashi wiggling around to it on the couch.

He stepped back down from the platform and muttered something about going to change the song. The only one who seemed to notice his parting was Kageyama, who looked suddenly very nervous.

Kei rounded the corner, rustling through his pockets to find some quarters. He neared the jukebox but...someone was already standing there.

Tadashi.

His shaggy hair was pulled back into a half-ponytail at the base of his neck. A light jacket fit his frame well, and a dark shirt brought out the spots of his freckles against his pale skin. Kei found his breath leaving him. He looked good. He looked really good.

He was leaning over the jukebox, hands gripping the display screen tightly. His eyebrows were drawn tightly together and the small, tight part in Kei’s chest wanted to walk over and kiss the line between his brows.

Kei had to say something. He had to. Just to apologize or explain he had to--

“ Tadashi .”

Shit.

The word from his lips was more an exhale than a word. God, what a fucking wimp. Tadashi’s head slowly turned in his direction. His eyes were so sad, and god Kei was suddenly three feet away from him two weeks ago, and Tadashi’s eyes were so big and sad and disbelieving because he wanted to believe that Kei wouldn’t be so cruel and god, god--

“Yes?” Tadashi’s voice was small, quiet. And for one horrible second, they locked eyes. Kei looked away. “W-Wait,” Tadashi’s voice made Kei look up, and the boy shook his head a little, as if focusing. “No, it’s Yamaguchi.” He looked back up at Kei and his eyes were withdrawn. “To you.”

He winced at the way he said it, but his stance didn’t waver. Kei nodded, looking down at his feet, shuffling against the linoleum tile.

“Yes, that’s fair.” Kei paused.

They didn’t say anything for a second.

“What do you want?”
“I need to tell you--”

They both stopped. Tadashi shifted, now facing Kei.

“You go first.” He crossed his arms in front of himself, but instead of feeling hostile, the move felt defensive. Kei nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I just wanted to--” Kei started, but the words felt weird and too large for his mouth. He felt hot all over, and his head was light. He knew this was what shame felt like, and he hated it.

“I’m sorry.” He said instead. Tadashi didn’t move, and Kei couldn’t see his face--he didn’t want to look at his face until he was done. “It’s not worth much, but this summer was the...best summer of my life. I didn’t mean what I said to you at the bonfire. I just--”

Tadashi didn’t speak, so Kei tried to press on.

“Um...I just wanted you to know that I didn’t mean it. Not a word, I just--”

“Then why?”

Kei, surprised, looked up. Tadashi’s knuckles were white from their tight hold on his arms. His eyes were resigned. Even his voice didn’t hold much conviction.

“What?”

“Why did you do it, then, Tsukishima? If you didn’t mean it?” Tadashi’s voice was small, but his eyebrows were furrowed. “Do you just like to see me hurt? Is it fun for you?”

Kei shook his head, but it was spinning. It made him so dizzy he felt sick.

“No. God, no, Ta--Yamaguchi.”

“Then why?” Tadashi was building steam now, and he uncrossed his arms. “What purpose could you possibly have for breaking my--for hurt--I just--I cried over you!”

Kei took each aborted thought as a hit to the gut and he curled in on himself. He deserved it. In turn, Tadashi deserved an explanation. Kei didn’t care what would happen to him, but Tadashi needed to know what Kei was so afraid of--why he couldn’t love him fully. He needed to know why Kei was a lost cause, and why he wasn’t worth crying over.

“I--You wouldn’t be safe--”

“Babe?”

A small, blonde girl sidled up to Tadashi’s side and wrapped her hands around his arm. She leaned into him. Kei couldn’t feel his legs. He blinked.

“ Babe ?” The word was so quiet Kei didn’t even know if he said it aloud. Tadashi wouldn’t look him in the eyes. The girl, however, wouldn’t look away. Her eyes bore into him.

“I heard a commotion, and I wanted to make sure you boys were okay.” The girl said. She held out her hand. Kei took it, but his hand was trembling. “I’m Yachi.”

Kei shook her hand.

“I’m Tsukishima.” He frowned. He looked back at Tadashi, who still wasn’t meeting his gaze. “Her?”

The word was a question, and Tadashi immediately knew what Kei was trying to say. Even now, they still knew too much about each other for their own goods. Tadashi shifted, and still didn’t meet his stare.

“Yachi’s on the track team. That’s more than you’ve ever done.” Tadashi said, but his voice was a whisper.

“Oh, the track team, what a catch.” Kei said derisively. He didn’t know where the words came from, but he couldn’t stop them. Tadashi’s head snapped up, and Kei was stunned at the raw anger behind his glare. Tadashi put a hand over Yachi’s on his arm.

“I don’t want to have to keep doing this. You don’t even know who you are!” He yelled. “Well, Tsukishima, next time you do something with your life besides hanging out with those--those--” Tadashi, trying to find the right word, gestured in the direction of the Crows who were blissfully deep in discussion. “Snakes!--who apparently have changed you so completely that I don’t recognize you anymore, come see me.”

Tadashi’s chest was heaving, his eyes alight with fire. He turned on his heel swiftly, and beckoned Yachi to follow. Kei stood still, the sting of Tadashi’s words ringing in his ears.

His weakened legs failed him, and he collapsed against the wall, chest heaving. How could Kei even make this right? Did he even want to make it right? Tadashi deserved better, Tadashi was angry, Tadashi hated him hated him hated him.

Do something with your life do something with your life do something with your life.

The only thing Kei seemed capable of doing was hurting the people he cared about. Words were never his forte and he knew that without something drastic, Tadashi would be lost to him forever.

Did he even deserve to try?

~

Two hours later, the Crows were in their garage, gathered around Nishinoya’s bullshit car.

Kei had been informed when he had staggered back to the table that the gang was making a game plan for how to fix up Nishinoya’s car. Kuroo had all but thrown the gauntlet, and Daichi wanted to be ready in case Kuroo decided to challenge them to a race.

That’s why Nishinoya was enthusiastically showing them his shitty pencil sketches of the hypothetical ways that this piece of junk could be fixed up. A recurring theme in all of the sketches though, was an elaborate and superfluous paint job.

“And this,” he pointed a small finger at a bump at the end of the car. “Will be where we put the nitros.”

Daichi shook his head and snatched the paper from his hands to an indignant “hey!”

“The nitros? Be real, Yuu. We can barely afford spoilers for this thing. And who puts the nitros in the back?”

Nishinoya gaped indignantly and began to protest. Kageyama, surprisingly, cut him off with a heavy sigh.

“What’s even the point of this, Nishinoya-san?” He asked, face deadpan. “We’ll never get this car fast enough to beat one of Kuroo’s cars.”

Nishinoya gasped, but it was so loud it sounded like he choked more than anything.

“Are you kidding me? This car will be,” he slapped the hood. “Automatic. Systematic! Hydromatic!” He crowed. “If I’m rolling thunder, this car needs to be--” Nishinoya moved his papers and took the big marker he was writing with and wrote two words in big, scrawled handwriting.

“Grussed Lignight?” Kei repeated drily. Nishinoya squawked, and threw the pen at his head. Kei dodged it easily, and it clattered over near the desk.

“Greased Lightning!” Nishinoya cried, throwing his hands up in the air in what Kei assumed was supposed to be jazz hands. Kageyama’s head tilted.

“...Lightning can’t be greased, can it?”

Nishinoya wilted against the hood of the car, his head falling into his hands. No one said anything for a second. Kei looked down at one of Nishinoya’s crumbled drawings in his fist, and a blue smudge caught his eye. He pried the paper out of his hand and frowned.

“I think that these overhead lifters could work.”  He said, and looked up. Everyone was staring up at him, shocked. He shrugged. “Four-barrel quads are doable on a car like this, but I don’t know about a fuel-injection cut-off.”

Kageyama, having snuck up behind him, popped in over his shoulder.

“No, I think if we move the fuel-injection cut-off over here,” he pointed at a place on the hood, “we could fit the quads on this side.”

Kei nodded, contemplating it. Nishinoya lifted himself off the hood. His eyes were shining.

“What about the chrome plated rods?” He asked, practically buzzing with energy. Kei looked at him drily.

“No one plates rods with chrome, unless you want the whole thing to melt.”

Nishinoya deflated again, and in spite of himself, Kei’s stomach twisted. He’s hurt enough people this week.

“But…” he began searching for words, and Nishinoya bounced up again, “four speed is actually easily doable.”

Nishinoya cried out, and bounced once. He snatched the paper back from Kei and began rambling again.

“I think if we can change this,” he pointed at the trunk of the car, “we could add some purple pitched tail lights, and maybe some thirty inch fins if we’re lucky.”

Tanaka slapped him on the shoulder and proclaimed his vigorous agreement. Even Daichi was nodding slowly, a hesitant smile turning up the corners of his lips.

“Maybe a palomino dashboard,” Kageyama added.

“Dual muffler twins,” Daichi muttered, popping the hood. Nishinoya was nodding, smiling so wide Kei thought his cheeks would burst like balloons. Still, the energy was infectious and Kei found himself adding,

“We can get new pistons, shocks, and plugs, and maybe this thing might have a chance.”

Everyone was chattering, surrounding the car now.

“Oh, man, the chicks will dig it!” Nishinoya yelled, hopping into the driver’s seat, moving a hand over the steering wheel.

“More like Asahi will dig it,” Tanaka commented, and Nishinoya flushed. Daichi laughed, head still leaning over the engine. Nishinoya, desperate to get the attention off of himself, leaned over to Kei and whispered,

“At least this can get that jerk’s filthy smirk off his face.”

A Nishinoya whisper was equivalent to a regular person’s speaking voice, so Kageyama heard it. He snorted derisively.

“Yeah, like Kei is allowed to diss his ex-boss.”

Kei didn’t respond, but no one seemed to notice it. They were all still clamoring around the car, excitedly discussing their modifications. Kei wanted to pitch in, but something stopped him.

Kei frowned. He couldn’t help but be bugged by Kageyama’s comment. Kuroo didn’t own him anymore. These boys, as annoying--and loud--as they were, cared about him. He was a Crow. If Kei let Kuroo run his life, and decide if he could or couldn’t be happy, he was still a Cat. Kei deserved to be happy, and he deserved to make things right. He deserved to tell Tadashi how he felt. And Tadashi deserved to hear it. Kei nodded to himself, his resolve building.

Time to join the basketball team.

Chapter Text

Basketball, as it turns out, was bullshit.

Tryouts for the basketball team were that following Monday, and all that Kei could say was...well...they were bullshit. The captain practically salivated over Kei’s height and made him try out first, to the waiting line’s chagrin.

Turns out, not passing the ball to your teammates was looked down upon, and Kei’s team lost the pickup game easily. His “teammates” were giving him dirty looks as Kei explained to the captain why they were fundamentally incapable of winning this game. The captain hung his head and ushered Kei out of the gym doors, looking defeated to lose someone so tall.

Alright. No biggie.

How about...wrestling?

After twenty minutes of being thrown to the floor by the largest, sweatiest teenager Kei had ever seen, he was mentally and physically done. The boy had slammed into his knees, pinned his elbows, and twisted his ankles one too many times for Kei’s comfort. When he neared again, Kei threw a punch, trying to get the guy off of him, but it just made a dull thwap and the boy did not move a centimeter. Jesus.

However, punching was apparently foul and he was excused from the wrestling room.

Okay. Whatever.

The track team was out of the question, because Tadashi would immediately know that Kei was doing this...sport thing...for him. Not to mention Yachi was on the team, and Kei didn’t want to be reminded of Tadashi’s new girlfriend anymore than he already was.

Lacrosse?

Three hours and one lacrosse stick to the nose later, Kei was booted off of the field.

Sure. Why not.

Soccer?

Leaving one spike-punched shin and two black eyes behind, Kei--unscathed--was forcefully removed from the field once more.

Great. Lovely.

That now left only two sports that Kei hadn’t tried yet: football and volleyball.

Kei shuddered. Football was out of the question. One hundred percent, there was no way that anyone could force him to join that group of mouth-breathing idiots. So, supposedly, that only left one sport more.

Volleyball , Kei sighed, here we go .

~

It had been less than a week since Tadashi’s confrontation with Kei, and frankly, Tadashi was fine. Really, he was fine. Totally fine.

Tadashi couldn’t get the look on Kei’s face out of his head, no matter how many times he closed his eyes. His words bounced around in Tadashi’s head. He had sounded so...heartbroken. Tadashi shriveled internally when he thought of the desperate look that Kei had pinned him with. Tadashi had a right to be angry though, right? Kei had been a dick, and no amount of apologizing excused the way he paraded Tadashi’s insecurities in front of his scary gang friends. Geez. Gang friends. Tadashi was living in a manga.

On the other hand, Yachi was so kind, and Tadashi loved having a new friend that he could spend time with. Truly. Especially since Suga was being...troubling.

The boy was becoming increasingly petty, and his comments were as biting as ever. Tadashi had almost become impervious to his digs, and simply sighed internally whenever Suga went on one of his new rants. When Tadashi asked Asahi about it, the boy only shook his head and shrugged, although his eyes were troubled. Suga seemed to tear into Asahi the most these days.

Tadashi was on his way to first period one morning, walking with Chikara, when Hinata came bouncing up to him. Tadashi smiled, and threw an arm around Hinata’s narrow shoulders to prevent the boy from slamming into the row of lockers he was sprinting towards. Chikara laughed at his antics, and righted Hinata again. The boys continued to chatter when Chikara suddenly spoke up.

“Oh, wait,” he began, and Tadashi and Hinata looked at him. Chikara shuffled on his feet a little. “I just wanted to give you a heads-up Tadashi.” Tadashi cocked his head. “I heard from Tanaka that Tsukishima joined the volleyball team.”

Tadashi blinked. What? Chikara shifted on his feet again, clearly uncomfortable.

“I just wanted to let you know in case he starts hanging here after school a lot. I know you don’t want to run into him.”

Tadashi’s head hurt.

Hinata began to tear into Chikara about why he was talking to Tanaka but Tadashi’s mind was far away.

Kei joined the volleyball team? From what Tadashi remembered, he hated volleyball. That was one of the only things that Kei had told him about his brother after they met at the diner. Something had happened--Akiteru had lied--and that’s why their relationship was so strained. Why did Kei want to join the volleyball team if the sport held so much baggage for him?

Tadashi suddenly cringed. His words from five nights ago rang in his head. He had told Kei to do something with his life. Did he think that because Yachi was on a sports team that that’s what Tadashi meant? Tadashi let a small smile take over his face in spite of himself. It didn’t mean much but...Kei had to still care right? Just a little?

What a Kei thing to do , Tadashi thought to himself, still lost in thought while he and Hinata walked to first period, leaving Chikara to go to his. Try to make up with someone without telling that person that’s what you’re doing .

Hinata said nothing as the two walked in and sat down at their desks, clearly understanding that Tadashi was somewhere else for the moment.

It wasn’t much , Tadashi thought, but Kei is trying to apologize .

Tadashi pulled out his phone, hiding it under his desk. Even if the bell hadn’t rung yet, the teacher in this class really liked to take up phones. He shot Hinata a text. The boy always had his phone out in this period, because he liked to play a rollercoaster game under the desk. It was the right way to start the day , he had claimed once.

You: can you ask kageyama for tsukishima’s number?

Hinata jolted next to him, looking up at him with wide eyes.

Hinata: WHAT?? r u sure???

You: yeah

i think it’s time we talked

Hinata hesitated, before typing something else on his phone. A few minutes later, Tadashi’s phone buzzed.

A phone number.

You: thanks!

[Hinata is typing…]

Hinata: just...b careful, ok?

You: i will :)

Tadashi opened a new message. He clicked send before he could think about it, his stomach twisting as he turned his attention back the front of the room, just as the bell rang. He exhaled slowly.

A floor up, at the end of the hall, Kei felt his phone buzz in his pocket. No one usually texted him in the morning. As the announcements began, Kei surreptitiously pulled his phone out.

Tadashi: i’m ready to listen. i think we need to talk.

Chapter Text

Kei stood behind the school, his fingers tapping nervously on his thighs. The earphones he wore most days were on his head, but were playing no music. His insides were shaky and he felt ill--his sensory input was through the roof. He felt if he had registered anymore sounds or sights or feelings he might implode.

Tadashi’s text was vague and gave very little detail, but Kei’s heart still jackhammered with the possibilities. After his first text he wrote, after school, behind the gym . Kei hadn’t responded. He didn’t know what he could say.

A small, foolish moment of hope caused Kei to save the conversation, and move Tadashi’s contact back to his favorites. Kei, even now, held his phone in his hand with a white-knuckled grip as he looked at the contact photo he had saved for the boy--a close, intimate photo of Tadashi smiling knowingly at the camera that the two had taken when they went to the beach one day. Kei remembered that day clearly, and geez--Tadashi with miles of pale skin and dark freckles on display, his wet bathing suit had hung low on his hips and left very little to the imagination.

The thought caused Kei to flush with shame. Tadashi wasn’t his to think about in that way. He had been, at one point, but Kei blew it. Badly. A small, irritating voice in the back of his mind that sounded a lot like the shrimp that came to visit Kageyama at the auto shop whispered, Not yet. Explain it to him. Make it right.

Kei batted the thought away, annoyed. That’s why he was here, wasn’t it? But as every second ticked by, his heartbeat slowed in his chest. Tadashi wasn’t here. Kei checked his phone for the third time. Eight minutes after the final bell. Ten minutes after the final bell. Fourteen minutes after the final bell.

Did...Tadashi stand him up?

Kei felt himself shriveling up. Great. He deserved it, really. He deserved a lot worse, but...he had wanted to explain himself. He didn’t realize until now how much he had ached for this opportunity. He wanted--needed--the closure, even if Tadashi didn’t want to see him again. But now even that was slipping through his fingers.

Kei leaned against the wall, sliding down the brick. He sighed. He would wait. Even if Tadashi meant to stand him up, he’d be here. He’d do whatever Tadashi wanted him to, even if it was wait for someone who would never come. He hoped, at least, that if Tadashi did this to look at him and mock him, that it would bring him some kind of closure. Something that seemed to not be coming for Kei.

Kei sighed, and with it his inhale he felt three weeks of heartbreak, shame, and regret bubble in his throat. He bit back the automatic reaction to gag. He stretched his legs out.

Twenty-one minutes past the final bell, Kei heard footsteps pounding on the pavement around the corner. Shit.

He began to stand up, in case the random kid coming his way brought his other noisy friends with him. This spot behind the school was popular with kids who wanted to sneak away to smoke or snog. He hefted his backpack onto his shoulder. The footsteps were incredibly close now, feet slapping on the pavement.

Kei rounded the corner, hoping to slide away before the kid arrived, but a heavy force slammed into him, knocking the air from his lungs. He hit the ground, hard, and the person who had bumped into him fell on top of him, gangly limbs prodding him sharply. An elbow hit his stomach and hands caught themselves in the buttons of his shirt.

Kei’s palms were stinging as he tried to catch his breath. The person who had landed on him made a noise that could not be described as anything but a squeak, and scrambled to pick themself up. Kei blinked his eyes open, unaware that he had closed them in the fall.

A freckled face was flushed red and soft brown eyes were wide in shock. Pale hands pushed themselves off of his chest. Tadashi.

Kei opened his mouth to speak, but the sudden appearance of the boy made all thoughts fly out of his head. Tadashi had obviously been running for a minute, as his hair was wind-blown and his pristine shirt was untucked. Shit, what should he say?

Luckily, Tadashi began to talk before Kei’s mind could scramble much more.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Tadashi’s and Kei’s eyes met. Kei found it hard to breathe. He had missed those eyes. Tadashi ducked his head away first, blushing an even deeper red. He looked over to the side and mumbled something else, his brows furrowed. Kei reluctantly dragged his gaze off of Tadashi’s face to look where the boy was looking. Kei’s bag had fallen off of his shoulder and was lying on the ground a couple of feet away, its contents dumped on the pavement. Tadashi shuffled over to it on his knees, scooping up the loose papers and collecting rolling-away pens. Kei sat in shock for another beat.

There he was. Tadashi was here, suddenly. Did he not mean to stand him up? Or did he think that Kei had been waiting long enough, and wanted to come mock him? Tadashi wouldn’t do something like that , Kei thought decisively, as he moved to help Tadashi pick up his bag, He’s not cruel, no matter how much I’ve corrupted him in the past few months .

Kei busied himself, kneeling next to Tadashi, as he sorted through the contents of his bag. The strap had torn a little, but it wasn’t anything major. Kei looked over at Tadashi, in what he hoped was a surreptitious manner. He hadn’t been this close to him--to even another person really--in such a long time that his chest ached with the proximity. Tadashi’s freckles were the same as they had always been, perhaps a bit paler now that he wasn’t spending all day at the beach. Kei recognized a small cluster of freckles near Tadashi’s ear. He had loved to press kisses there on warm, summer nights when Tadashi had been so close that he could hear his pulse beat in his throat.

Kei blinked. That was over now. He looked back down at his bag, which was practically cleaned. Tadashi was straightening a stack of papers, supposedly about to put them in his folder, but his hands were shaking. The ordered papers slid out of his grip and slipped down to the ground again. Tadashi reached for them again, but, possessed by a sudden need, Kei reached forward and intercepted Tadashi’s hand. Tadashi jumped, startled, and his eyes flicked up to Kei’s. Something heavy lingered in the depths, so Kei let his hand slide out of his grip once more.

“I got it.” Kei muttered, and picked up the papers. He slid them into his folder, and flipped the flap of his messenger bag closed. Kei made a move to stand up, but Tadashi spoke.

“My calculus teacher wanted to speak with me about my test.” He blurted. Kei blinked. He looked over at the boy once more, but his eyes were on the ground, and his hands were wringing. “I tried to get out of there quickly, but he kept on insisting.”

What did this have to do with anything?

Oh. Was this after school? Kei felt his heart speed up in his chest. Oh. Tadashi had tried to get to him.

“I didn’t mean to be so late. I didn’t expect you to still be here.”

Tadashi’s voice sounded odd, the words sounded like an accusation. He didn’t trust Kei, yet, but god, Kei couldn’t blame him.

“You asked me to be here, so I came.” Kei said, after some pause. He frowned. That didn’t come out like he wanted it to. He tried to open his mouth but the look on Tadashi’s face stopped him. He didn’t believe him. It hurt Kei’s heart, and Kei’s own shakiness had returned. How far they had fallen , Kei thought, in just a few weeks .

Kei did that.

He did that to him.

Tadashi began to speak again.

“This wasn’t how I wanted this to go.” Tadashi said, openly, and he smiled weakly. He stood up, on shaky legs, leaving Kei on the ground. He moved away, leaning against the brick. Kei stood up as well. His legs ached.

Kei’s mouth was dry as he cleared his throat. He faced Tadashi, trying to level him with a cool, calm stare. But he was sure his insecurity was obvious.

“How did you want this to go?” Kei asked.

Tadashi sighed, and he tucked his hands into his pants pockets. Wait, his outfit. Kei blinked. The  ascot was new.

Tadashi had a thin pink handkerchief tied around his neck, knotted and resting against his pulsepoint.

That was the Ravens’ trademark. A Ravens recruitment flag.

Kei swallowed hard. He had tried. Everything he had done in the past month was to ensure that Tadashi would be safe. He wouldn’t get involved in the sinister underside of Karasuno’s dealings. And yet here he was. A Raven.

It all had been for nothing.

If Kei could move his mouth he would laugh. As he stood right now, he could do nothing.

Tadashi was seemingly struggling with himself as well, and he spoke.

“I wanted you to explain why you did what you did. I wanted you to tell me what’s going on with you. Why did you lie to me this summer, Tsukki?”

Kei wanted to cry. He missed that. He missed that stupid nickname and the way that Tadashi held it in his mouth.

Tadashi was frowning.

“And I want to know why you hurt me.”

Kei couldn’t stop his flinch, that time, and he looked briefly to his shoes. Tadashi pressed on.

“Who are you, really? Are you Tsukki, my Kei, who likes dinosaurs and always has a sharp word on his tongue, or are you...Tsukishima, who is an active gang member who, who wears black and...and...what do you even do now, Tsukki? Who are you?”

Tadashi fell silent, his piece said. Kei let the silence hang between them as he fought for words. Who was he? Kei didn’t know. He was...something in the middle, between those two things. Something new.

He began to speak, slowly. He needed to get his bearings, to find his footing in the conversation again, but he was deathly afraid of making Tadashi think he wasn’t going to answer. Kei came here to talk. So Kei was going to talk.

“I…I...There was a boy. I met him when I was young,” Kei frowned, gesturing vaguely. His words were cold and clinical. “Well, younger. And...he was kind. He wanted to know what I thought about things, and he took interest in the dumb shit I would talk about. He...really wanted to know what I was doing, and that was new for me. My brother was such a golden boy, that I guess it was my own dumbass way of rebelling.”

Kei’s hand twisted in the strap of his messenger bag. Tadashi hadn’t moved. He still leaned against the brick wall, waiting.

“I knew he was into dangerous things, but I really didn’t care. He took me on dates with black eyes or a split lip, so I knew that he...was doling out and taking beatings, at least semi-regularly. But he was smart, he was handsome, and he wanted me. That was...I guess all I really wanted.” Kei pushed his glasses up his nose. “He would sneak into my house, sometimes. His nose would be broken or his arm would be out of his socket. It felt...nice, I suppose, to be needed at first, but it quickly became an unhealthy situation. He would be more and more broken up and he kept insisting that I couldn’t go get help or...people would come after us.” Kei scoffed. “It was always ‘us.’”

“And then, he started to show me off in front of his friends. He was older than me, and his friends were older than him. I was just a dumb, fucking kid being paraded around in tight clothes in front of these actual adults but...I didn’t care. I was finally able to control something; and soon they started to come to me for their jobs. If they needed a strategy, a name, I was their guy.”

“He told me where I could and couldn’t go, he told me what to wear, who to talk to, who I could and couldn’t trust.”

“But, um, as he started to rise through the ranks of the Black Cats, he ‘needed’ me more and more. He...wouldn’t leave me alone, and stopped listening when I said ‘no.’” Kei swallowed hard. “It didn’t matter if it was about a job or not, he needed me. He always said that he needed me. He didn’t know what he would do without me.”

Tadashi was frowning, his brow pulled down, heavy, and his eyes shining with sympathy. Kei took a shaky inhale.

“I got scared. So I left. In the middle of the night, while he was sleeping, I left. He kept talking about the Crows. The Crows were ruining this for him, the Crows were nearing his territory that week. I was still so naive, I figured the enemy of my enemy...” Kei blinked. Enemy . He had never really considered Kuroo has his enemy before. Where had that thought come from? Kei batted it away.

“So I went to the part of town that he had prevented me from going, and I walked into the belly of the beast. I came out a Crow. He couldn’t touch me without starting a turf war. It was the perfect plan .”

Kei said the words with no small amount of irony in his tone.

“The Crows didn’t have to take me in. They didn't. I was some punk kid, terrified and too cocky for my own damn good. I was the enemy. I was a traitor, they had no reason to trust me.” Kei met Tadashi’s eyes for the first time since he began to talk.

“I owe Daichi my life.”

He shrugged, suddenly at a loss for words.

The world, which had seemed too alive and busy and noisy before had now fallen quiet. The noise of kids hanging out in the parking lot seemed miles away. Kei felt dizzy. The only thing keeping him upright, Kei supposed, was Tadashi’s shining eyes boring holes into his.

“...You’re good, Tadashi.” Kei said, the words coming out in a hoarse whisper. “You’re so good , and kind, and beautiful. The world I live in is dark, and trying, and cold. I have lived with the weight of my past hanging on my head every day. If anything had happened to you... I could never forgive myself.”

Kei felt his throat close up under the threat of tears.

“If he had ever found me, you couldn’t be around me. I wanted to protect you. You don’t know what he’s capable of, Tadashi. Even the Crows wouldn’t understand, they don’t want non-members near our shop. But,” Kei felt his eyes wandering to the silk resting against Tadashi’s neck. “I guess that’s not a problem anymore.”

Tadashi shifted, his fingers coming up to fiddle with the ascot. Kei met his eyes again, a little desperately.

“I don’t deserve you. I don’t. But...I’m done living my life afraid of something I can’t control. I want to be happy again. And…”

Kei swallowed, thickly. It all came down to what came out of his mouth next. Say it. Just say it .

“You make me happy, Tadashi.”

Tadashi’s face crumpled in on itself, and Kei watched each movement of his brow carefully. Please. Just one last miracle, please .

“I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, and I don’t deserve to start over. I have no right to request anything from you. All I’m asking for is a chance. I’ve only ever been yours , Tadashi. And I want to be able to make it up to you.”

Kei felt winded. He tried to think back to the last time he had ever spoken that much. He couldn’t remember. He hadn’t even told Daichi the full story, just pieces. He felt like a butterfly pinned to a board. Stuck, immobile, afraid, vulnerable.

Tadashi didn’t meet his eyes, instead looking down at the ground. He looked like he was debating and the judge hadn’t reached a verdict yet. Kei stood impossibly still. He could feel his weakened knees start to shake.

After what had seemed a lifetime, Tadashi looked up. His wrinkled brow had smoothed, and his once-glassy eyes were now solid and determined. Tadashi stepped forward, and Kei strongly resisted the urge to step back.

Kei was so busy looking at Tadashi’s face that he almost missed the hand that Tadashi extended between them. Kei looked down. The hand waited.

Kei took it, and cursed his shaking hands. Tadashi’s hand was warm as he shook up and down it, firmly.

“Nice to meet you, Tsukishima. My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi.” Tadashi said, eyes now glowing with an ember of mirth. “I met a boy this summer, and I was absolutely crazy about him.” Kei flinched his use of the past tense. “He’s kind of a jerk, but I’d like to give him a second chance, if he wants it.”

Kei’s head snapped up. What?

Tadashi continued.

“I’d like to take him on a date. To Takeda’s Diner. Do you think he’d want to go?”

There was no denying the tears that bubbled up in Kei’s periphery. He smiled, a small, shaky thing. When had he become so emotional? Pathetic.

“He would love to.” Kei said, quickly. Before Tadashi changed his mind or Kei woke up in his bed, alone again. “There’s nothing he wants more.”

When Tadashi smiled, it was as warm as the sun.

Chapter Text

When Tadashi rounded the corner of the school, he planned on walking home. The last of the buses had undoubtedly left, and after bidding Tsukki a hesitant goodbye, Tadashi just wanted to go home and stew in this new feeling.

His heart felt light. For the first time in months, Tadashi didn’t feel sick to his stomach about his own feelings. He liked Tsukki. Tsukki liked him back. A lot, it seemed.

Tsukki had messed up. He had. He hurt Tadashi’s feelings, and rather royally muddled things. Tadashi didn’t know if he was ready to forgive him for that yet. He needed to see Tsukki as he wanted to be, not as how he felt that he had to be.

What Tadashi didn’t plan on doing when he rounded the corner, was see a small huddled mass sitting dejectedly on the curb facing the parking lot.

Tadashi stopped. He looked around. The school was practically abandoned now, except for the group of kids emptying trash cans for detention near the school entrance and the gaggle of cheerleaders working on their routine on the soccer field.

The parking lot itself was essentially abandoned, minus a few stray cars that were obviously not here for the figure sitting in front of him. Tadashi stepped forward. As he neared the huddled kid, Tadashi began to recognize the wild, curly hair, and his heart broke to see the shake of the thin shoulders.

“Hinata?” Tadashi called softly. The boy jumped, snapping up to attention. He whirled around and wiped off his face, but Tadashi could see the redness of his eyes and the tremble of his lip. Hinata sniffed, grossly, loudly, before plastering a crooked smile on his face. He wouldn’t meet Tadashi’s eyes.

“Oh, uh, hiya, Tadashi!” Hinata said, his voice too high and squeaky. Tadashi, without hesitation, walked forward and folded the smaller boy into a hug, holding him close. Hinata began to shake, but he made no noise as he wrapped his arms tremulously around Tadashi’s waist.

What was the boy doing here? It was an hour after school had ended, and Hinata was usually the first person out of the door when the bell rang. Now that Tadashi thought about it, he hadn’t seen Hinata almost at all that afternoon.

“Hi, Shoyou. What’s wrong?” Tadashi asked, his heart aching for his friend. Hinata said something muffled into Tadashi’s jacket. Tadashi tilted the boy away from him, although he was loathe to do so, and gave a quiet “hmm?”

Hinata sniffled again, and finally fixed Tadashi with his watery, red-eyed gaze.

“I dropped out of school.”

The cheerleaders, now a continent away, gave a loud shout. Tadashi blinked.

“What?”

Hinata’s chin wobbled. He cast his eyes to the pavement below him. His cheeks were splotched and red.

“I dropped out of high school.” Hinata repeated, the words seeming to only now sink into the boy himself. He looked up, and his gaze was far away.

“Why would you do that, Shoyou? When did you decide this?” Tadashi asked, growing a little desperate at the vacant look in his friend’s eye.

Hinata blinked once, twice, opened his mouth, and closed it again. He seemed to be at a loss for words.

“My...mom just got laid off last week and she can’t find a job.” Hinata was staring into the middle distance now, just left of Tadashi’s shoulder. “We need the...I figured I already wanted to go to beauty school so I might as well do it now, right?”

Tadashi was shocked. His friend hadn’t told him any of this, and Tadashi expressed as much. The words felt awkward in his mouth. Hinata shrugged in response, seemingly gather the will to speak.

“Well, you haven’t been exactly around a lot recently, Tadashi.” He said in reply, then winced. Tadashi felt his words like a blow to his chest. They flinched away from each other, almost simultaneously. “I--I didn’t mean it like that, ya know?”

Hinata was hunched over, carefully assessing Tadashi’s facial expression. Tadashi smiled, the motion forced, and nodded, but...he didn’t know. His chest hurt. His best friend, the one person who had been with him since the beginning was hurting, and Tadashi had been so stuck up on his own drama that he didn’t even notice. Resolve formed in the base of his stomach like a stone. He was going to make this right.

“C’mon, Shoyou. How about we get out of here?”

Hinata cocked his head, confused.

“I have a tub of ice cream waiting at my house with your name on it. You can spend the night, and we can get you enrolled in a school.”

Hinata nodded, slow at first, but picking up speed as a smile stretched across his face.

He pulled Hinata close once more, moving the boy to his side. He threw an arm around the smaller boy’s thin shoulders and moved them both forward. Hinata stumbled, but followed.

Tadashi nudged him once, smiling.

“And you can take this opportunity to tell me all about Kageyama-kun.”

Hinata flushed a truly excellent shade of pink and squawked. Tadashi didn’t stop the laugh that bubbled forth and Hinata buried his face in his hands.

Things might have not been good, but for the first time in a while, things might just be okay.

~

Suga hadn’t heard from Daichi in weeks.

It had been years since the two had gone this long without talking. Even when they were younger, the boys were in constant contact. When Suga came down with the chicken pox in the fifth grade, Daichi showed up at the boy’s house with a bag of Sour Patch Kids and Transformers VHSs.

Had Suga pushed Daichi away? Yes. But Daichi had crossed the line. They had promised when they began to sleep together to have no feelings attached. Just two friends, helping each other out. No love. Suga didn’t do love. Suga couldn’t…

It didn’t matter anymore. Daichi was gone.

But now, Suga felt...wrong. And hollow. He hadn’t been able to pull in a full breath in what felt like months. But if that weren’t enough, he had no one. The people around him seemed to not notice, or didn’t comment on his growing temper and increasingly bitter comments.

Asahi and that Nishinoya boy were almost always together now. Hinata and his solemn boy toy were starting to skip third period to make out in the bathroom. Chikara seemed to be the most present out of them all, but even he had begun to send longing looks at Tanaka across the cafeteria. Apparently the awkward flirtations of the Crow’s wild child had ended up snagging his most level-headed Raven after all.

And worst of all, the newbie. Tadashi.

Hinata had almost immediately spilled the news that he and Tsukishima had reconciled. Asahi greeted the news with a warm smile and a solid hand on Tadashi’s shoulder. Chikara seemed relieved, like a weight had been lifted off of him. But Suga could do nothing but stare, his fingers clenched around his lighter on the table.

Happy.

Every single person around Suga was happy, while Suga himself felt like he couldn’t be drowning any faster than he was now.

And as Tadashi quietly gushed about the blond boy, Suga felt sicker and sicker. He needed to make this feeling go away. He needed to find someone--anyone--who could make this feeling go away, even for an hour.

His eyes scanned the courtyard until his eyes caught on a jet black head on the other end, near a tree. A senior that Suga had never talked to, with dark hair and a square jaw. That one. That one will do.

He mumbled a non-committal farewell to his inattentive friends and walked briskly across the cafeteria.

Suga would be fine.

He would be fine after this.

Chapter Text

Tsukishima pressed a slow kiss onto Tadashi’s lips, the desire that had burned hot in him only minutes before slowed to a dim flame. The urgency of being close to Tadashi had pleasantly melted into quiet intimacy.

His long fingers were tangled deep in Tadashi’s long, thick locks, pulling him closer softly every once in a while. They were spread across Tadashi’s bed, after school. They had planned to do homework, but...obviously, that had not happened.

Three months.

It had been three months since that afternoon behind the school, when Tadashi had looked at him and decided that he deserved a second chance. Tsukki had been living in absolute paradise for three entire months, and he had never been happier.

Tadashi had met him the next day, and the two had gone to Takeda’s diner. When Tsukki had ordered a strawberry milkshake, Tadashi had given him an odd look. After prompting, Tadashi asked, quietly, for Tsukishima to tell him everything. Every single thing about himself that he hadn’t told Tadashi before.

Kei, taken aback, blurted, “What about Yachi?”

Tadashi had blinked in confusion, once, twice, and burst out laughing. Kei, his pride having been stung, made an aborted move to leave, but Tadashi stopped him with a hand on the arm and explained the situation. Tsukishima didn’t know whether to be flattered or heartbroken that Tadashi was so hung up on him that he played along with Yachi’s ruse. But as Tadashi continued to gush about his new friend, Kei felt his heart make up its mind for him. Muted and unearned jealousy was the emotion it settled on apparently.

Three hours and a handful of awkward silences later, the two had emerged from the diner, and Tadashi had reached over and grabbed his hand. Tsukki had almost jumped at the sharp kick his stomach gave, and found that he couldn’t look away from their linked fingers even as the two parted ways.

Nearly three months later, the two were practically inseparable. They weren’t Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, they were Kei and Tadashi KeiandTadashi . It hadn’t been perfect, and oh lord, it hadn’t been easy. Tadashi would still look over at Kei like he sometimes couldn’t believe he was there, and Kei found himself swallowing back a lump of unexplainable guilt on occasion.

But Kei was happy. Kuroo and the Cats were coming into the Crow’s territory less and less. The Crows were more energetic than usual, meeting up often to fix up Nishinoya’s junk car and yammer about their lives. Kei even found himself enjoying volleyball. The guys on his team were decent, and practices were kicking off in earnest. Drills were often inside the gym now that the weather outside was turning increasingly frigid, which Kei was eternally grateful for. Winter was in full swing, and December had opened its sleepy eyes on Karasuno just a few days ago. For the first time in years, the tight knot of fear had loosened almost entirely in his chest. He had gotten a taste of the feeling over the summer, but nothing could have possibly compared to right here and right now.

Tadashi in the present responded to his kiss in kind, his inexperience making itself obvious as the boy moved his tongue along Kei’s slowly. Kei fought back a smile. Today had been a good day.

When Tadashi had groaned about his physics test before school, Kei had immediately offered his help. He wasn’t an expert on physics, per se, but he wasn’t about to lose Tadashi’s company for an entire afternoon while the boy worried himself sick. So the two had walked back to Tadashi’s house, hand in hand, earbuds shared between them. The house was small, but when Kei walked in, he had never felt more at home. An overstuffed couch divided the living room from the kitchen, which was brightly lit by a window over the sink. A row of small plants lined the windowsill, and from the sloppy handwriting across the pots, Kei could guess they were Tadashi’s. The boy had led Kei to his room down a narrow hallway, and the two passed an ajar door. Thick curtains were pulled across the windows, but through the dimness, Kei could make out heaps of clothes on the floor, and a large tapestry of...something?...on the wall farthest from him. Tadashi paid no mind and opened his own door.

The room was barely bigger than the large supply closet at school, but every inch of it seemed like Tadashi. A row of posters lined the walls from cities and bands around the world, an overstuffed bookshelf overflowed next to a dilapidated and wobbly desk strewn with papers, and a rickety dresser was lined with small trinkets and photo frames. A smiling Tadashi greeted him from every frame, with friends and family, at every age. An older frame, the edges worn as if it had been picked up over and over again caught his eye. A toddler version of the boy next to him was grinning, gap-toothed, on the leg of a smiling woman. Her eyes sparkled with mirth, and her long, brown hair was draped delicately over one of her shoulders. Dark freckles were scattered across her nose and face. She was beautiful.

And she looked familiar, in a distant, indescribable way. Kei looked back over to his boyfriend--god, boyfriend, just the word made him feel giddy--next to him and found him flushed deeply, wringing his hands as he kicked a stray shirt on the ground underneath his dresser. Oh , Kei realized, I’ve been staring at his room without saying anything. Whoops . He winced.

Tadashi, as if he felt his eyes on him, looked up and realization dawned on Kei. His round face and bright eyes matched those of the woman in the frame. That was Tadashi’s mother. He should have recognized those freckles anywhere. Kei looked back at the frame, almost to confirm his hypothesis, but he could feel the teen next to him follow his gaze. Tadashi jerked forward suddenly, and flipped over the frame face-down in one smooth move. Kei could just stand and blink as Tadashi began doing that with the rest of the pictures, blushing furiously.

After he was seemingly satisfied, Yamaguchi turned back around, his hands in his pockets. His eyes were shuttered, and any emotion was carefully removed from his face. Tsukishima felt a part of himself wilt with sympathy. Kei stepped forward, hesitantly, and took the boy’s hand. Tadashi looked up, and met his probing gaze with a smile. Tension leaked out of the shorter boy a degree at a time, and Kei nudged him towards the desk. They had some studying to do after all.

Twenty minutes later, after a solving a particularly hard problem, Tadashi had giggled to himself. Kei looked up, and found himself incredibly close to the boy in question. Their faces were barely a foot apart, and their sides were pressed together at almost every point down their bodies, ending in their ankles hooked loosely around each other. Oh . Tadashi was blushing, a faint, pink thing, and reached up. His shaking hands removed Kei’s glasses from where they were sitting low on his nose and took them off. Tsukki’s next exhale left him shakily. Kei’s vision was blurred, but his hearing was definitely fine and he could hear Tadashi's breathy voice as he rasped something about needing a break. Kei could provide a break, alright.

That’s why they were here, facing each other on their sides, lying atop the tangled mess of sheets and kissing languidly. The bed was too small and narrow and the angle was awkward. But oh boy, he could not care less. Kei’s chest was light, and he felt like a teenager again.

Well, technically, he was a teenager.

But, he felt like how he felt when he was younger--a giddy, blushing mess once he had been kissed for the first time. Tadashi was pink in the face but Kei was positive that he was, too.

Free. That’s how it felt. He could kiss Tadashi without the fear that it would give him the wrong idea, or that he wanted more. Oh, he would definitely not mind more, but it felt nice to be able to simply be close with someone he cared about.

Tadashi threw his leg over Kei’s thigh, pressing the boy closer, bucking up into his hips. They both moaned into each other’s mouths at the friction. Kei gasped at the feeling of Tadashi’s moan vibrate in his mouth, and Tadashi leaned back just far enough to change the angle of their kiss before he was pressed back to his front. Kei was overwhelmed; he could feel Tadashi everywhere--his tongue in his mouth, his teeth against his lip, his hardness pressed against Kei’s thigh.

Kei felt like he could melt into a pile of ill-tempered goo if Tadashi continued doing what he was doing. He pressed up, bucking his hips. Tadashi pulled back in a gasp and Kei watched in wonder as the boy’s mouth, slick with saliva opened in a moan.

Oh, wait.

Kei still felt enraptured by the teen in front of him, but became hyper-aware as his mind returned to him that the room they had passed was Tadashi’s sister room. Was she home? Oh god, if she walked in on us , Kei thought, I...don’t even know what I’d do .

Kei pulls back a little, and whispers “Wait, stop.” against Tadashi’s mouth. The boy immediately pulls away, backing away from Kei’s space. He looked expectantly up at him, brow wrinkled in concern. The small move lit a tiny flame of happiness in Kei’s chest. He had listened, and respected him enough to give him his space. Kei couldn’t stop the impulsive kiss he quickly placed on Tadashi’s forehead, which the boy leaned into.

“Hey, what’s up?” Tadashi asked, and holy shit . His voice was lower than Kei had ever heard, underlaid with a thick rasp that made the rest of the blood in Kei’s body shoot downwards. Kei had done that to him . Kei blinked. Uhm. What was he going to say again? Tadashi stared back at him, waiting.

“I...um...your sister?”

Kei couldn’t remember the last time he had fumbled with his words so spectacularly. He always knew exactly what to say--except around Tadashi, apparently. Tadashi cocked his head from its rest on the pillow.

“Huh?” His brows were pulled together in confusion.

“We...need to be quieter, right?” Kei elaborated, already hating what the words meant but knowing it was necessary. But the look on Tadashi’s face was different. Almost immediately, his eyes cast down, and he sat up. Kei felt bereft and cold as Tadashi’s warmth left. He sat up as well, but Tadashi was already off the bed, walking towards the door.

Kei opened his mouth, ready to apologize--for what, he wasn’t sure--but Tadashi opened the door and inhaled.

“HEY!” He shouted, a sharp bark. Kei recoiled at the noise before Tadashi turned back around, and gestured out of the door. “No one.” The words sounded dull in his mouth. He shuffled back over to the bed and sat down heavily. Kei moved with the mattress as it bounced and sat up as well.

A sight they must make, so suddenly, two boys sitting quietly on the edge of the bed. The desire that had consumed Tsukishima earlier had dwindled to nothing as he felt the abrupt uneasiness of the boy next to him. Kei hesitantly reached out and grabbed Tadashi’s hand in his own, not understanding his mood but recognizing the need for reassurance. Tadashi’s fingers curled around his. The boy let out a tremulous breath.

“No one’s ever here.” He whispered, and he trailed the fingers of his free hand over the dips and curves their intertwined hands made. “It’s just me, all the time.” His hand fell back to his side. “The Ravens are nice, but Hinata’s not there anymore. I’m alone, all the time.”

Kei tore his eyes away from their entwined hands and looked up, trying to meet Tadashi’s gaze. Tadashi, sensing the weight of Kei’s stare, met his eyes. He gave a weak smile. Kei felt uncomfortable, and the familiar lump of guilt beat its way back up his throat.

Kei was bad with words. He had always been bad with words. He never said what he needed to, or said too much, or pushed too far. But he also knew the loneliness Tadashi was feeling; he himself had felt it surrounded by groups of people. He knew the loneliness Tadashi was feeling because that loneliness had become a part of himself since Tsukishima had realized that he didn’t understand the people around him. He had only ever had himself, then Kuroo. And now, he was beginning to realize, he had a group of people who truly cared for him as he was, in the form of admittedly the most annoying people on the Earth. And he had just gotten Tadashi.

Kei was bad with words, but he knew the weight of actions. He pressed a firm and lingering kiss on Tadashi’s temple and tightened his grip on his hand, praying that Tadashi felt the emotion Kei was pressing into it.

“Not anymore.”

~

Kageyama stared up at the poster hanging on the bulletin board in the senior hallway and frowned.

For one, it was way too sparkly. Cheap craft glitter outlined every single letter as if saying “hey, look at me--I just might blind you!” Secondly, the message itself was odd.

Winter Formal Dance! Singles = $5, Couples $10

Kageyama blinked. Okay, maybe it wasn’t that odd. A dance was par for the course in high school, Kageyama assumed. He had never been to one before. The Crows had always kept him busy, and standing alone in a hot gym while his peers tried to kiss frantically before the chaperones caught them wasn’t his idea of a great time. Words on the bottom of the poster caught his eye.

Karasuno High School is proud to welcome local New Channel 6 in their coverage of our dance for their community outreach program! Be on your best behavior.

That...seemed a little dangerous. The last sentence especially carried itself like a threat. Kageyama knew without a doubt that the school administration would carry out swift and violent punishment if any student misbehaved. The students would most likely be on their rowdiest behavior--televised anything was a big deal in this town. Kageyama could definitely stand to miss the unruly event. But…

Kageyama fiddled with his phone in his pocket.

Hinata was stressed. And worried. And worried about how much he was stressed. All the time. He texted or called Kageyama often mid-breakdown, and it was starting to make Kageyama worried in turn. Hinata had always been the bubbly and excited and passionate one in the relationship that calmed and encouraged Kageyama when he needed it most. But now that the roles were reversed, Kageyama was at a loss. Constantly.

Hinata would call him crying and Kageyama would nod stiffly even though he knew Hinata could not see him and rasp “I’m sorry,” whenever Hinata took a breath. Every sob from the boy’s mouth was a punch to the gut, and Kageyama felt entirely powerless.

But...just maybe...this is what Hinata needed. Kageyama was a man of action, not of words. If he couldn't comfort Shoyou with words, he would try with his actions. He turned and marched dutifully to the table at the end of the hallway, in the direction the heinously sparkly arrow was pointing him. A night of high school normalcy--even if Hinata was not technically a high schooler anymore--and friends was just what Hinata needed.

Kageyama frowned. Wait a minute. Friends. Kageyama turned his bag strap over in his hands. What if Hinata wanted emotional support? Kageyama felt panic bubbling in his stomach. Hinata needed friends there, too! Just in case!

Kageyama pulled his phone from his pocket and doubled back, snapping a picture of the poster. He sent it to the only person he could think of, and added a quick message. Nodding decisively, he turned back, and continued to the table, scrounging in his bag for a $10 bill.

At lunch, Tsukishima’s phone buzzed in his coat pocket.

From : King Kageyama

[1 image attached] You’re finally dating Yamaguchi, right?

Barely an hour later on the other side of town, Kuroo wrapped a long arm around Kenma’s thin shoulders, silently watching the boy play on his game system. A buzz from under Kuroo’s leg broke the silence. Annoyed, Kuroo snatched the phone from underneath him and narrowed his eyes at the screen.

A slow, sly grin stretched across his face as he read the contents of the message. Televised, huh?

Kuroo, now incredibly pleased with himself, placed his phone on the armrest of the couch and turned towards Kenma, who was still enraptured with his game. He pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the boy’s exposed nape and bit down. Kenma jumped, surprised, but kept playing. He hummed inquisitively.

“I’ve just gotten some good news, doll.” He whispered in response to the unasked question, pressing the flat of his tongue over Kenma’s new bruise.

“Break out your nice jacket. I want to say hello to someone.”