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Oh Christmas Cat, Oh Christmas Cat. How Lovely are thy... Claws?

Summary:

The kids persuade Heero to do something he knows will not end well. Even though he keeps trying to shoot down the idea, he keeps forgetting the whole "your daughter can always win by looking at you a certain way". The kids learn that Uncle Duo and the internet don't always have good ideas. Heero re-learns that his daughter has him wrapped around her little finger and that he really cannot win against a little girl with his dark hair and blue eyes.

Notes:

Almost a week late, but Happy Holidays!
This work was inspired by a group of pictures I found on the internet and thought, "hmmm... I wonder..."
Also note- Heero calls Serena Mio-chan. From the Google machine, it would be this definition/spelling, "From Japanese 美 (mi) meaning "beautiful" combined with 桜 (o) meaning "cherry blossom". So her nickname is "beautiful cherry blossom." In other installments it will be explained more why he nicknamed her that and the theme with the two of them.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

                                      Inspirational image: 

12 December AC 213 (Sunday)

In the middle of the living room, the three kids are standing there with wrapping paper and ribbon all over the place. Heero walks into this mess from the kitchen wondering why the hell his “minions” need 25 different types of wrapping paper to just ask him to wrap up the gifts they made for their teachers. Heero realizing what is in store for him this coming evening and not thinking the kids can hear him says to himself, “So 2 core teachers, the art teacher, music teacher... After-school program aides… Dammit, even the teacher aides in each of their classes." Sitting down on the couch he gets one of the boys standing in front of him.

Sighing, “What Ernest?”

The blonde haired child with blue green eyes looks at him, “Dad, why’re you talking to yourself saying bad words?”

“Why do you need almost 30 damn things of wrapping paper? I can use one roll and wrap up most of the gifts.”


“We want to ask you something about the Christmas paper, says Odin who is off by the Christmas tree. “Uncle Duo showed DJ and us pictures where this lady wrapped her cat up in Christmas paper.”

“Hell no.”

“PLEASE DAD! You make us take Christmas photos every year with Grandma and Grandpa!” the boy with the very easy to manage medium brown hair says.

“I will not risk my life wrapping one of the cats up just because your Uncle showed you something. You need to learn that man doesn’t always have good ideas.”

“Come on please!!!” Ernest whines. “You never let us have any fun!”

Heero sighs realizing that after 6 Christmases with them, he’s probably going to turn into one of those parents who can’t make it through the holiday season without going through at least 6 bottles of wine a week and almost a pack a day. And they're only in Pre-K. 

“Seriously guys, you do realize I let you get away with more crap than most parents who are former military… You know… Never mind.” He stops when he notices Odin walking back into the room with their grey cat. “Odin Anthony put the damn cat down. For the, I think 2nd time, I am not wrapping her up in wrapping paper!”

“No fair! Uncle Duo would do this for DJ!”

“Do I look like Uncle Duo?” Heero says kind of sternly to Odin, but then quickly changes his tone, “Oh please don’t start looking at me like that Mio-chan!”

In front of him by the coffee table stands a small girl with slightly chaotic short dark brown hair and intense blue eyes, a red bow in her hair, a red shirt with a Christmas tree on it, and black leggings with cats wearing Santa hats on it.

Sighing Heero looks at her, “No. I’m sorry, but no. I like not having an angry cat.”

The two boys looked at each other with smirks on their faces. This does not go unnoticed by Heero as he is aware of their tactics of using their sister to get their way. “Ohhh no, I’m on to you two boys. Not gonna work.”

Ernest walks over to his sister and starts whispering in her ear. Heero turns to leave to walk to the kitchen to grab, what he feels will be one of many cups of coffee this evening to make it through wrapping all these gifts. Thinking to himself he realizes he actually has some whiskey he may consider adding to the coffee after dealing with the antics of three very energetic kids once he gets them bathed and in bed.

The pitter patter of 3 pairs of feet following him obviously not lost on him. “But Dad, it’ll be really fun!” says one boy. The other pipes in, “Yeah! She’ll look prettier!”

He just ignores them reaching up to grab one of the cups from the cupboard above the coffee maker, a slight smile on his face thinking he has won this battle. Making a mental note of, 33 year old adult-1 point, three preschoolers - 0 points.

While he’s pouring coffee into his cup he feels something tugging at his pant leg. Looking down he sees Serena standing there looking up at him. Sighs he asks, “Yes?”

“Can we please try wrapping Luna?”

Getting down closer to her eye level he looks at her and says, “No. Not going to let your brothers win this.”

She just keeps staring at him right in his eyes and finally asks, "Please can we put Luna in the paper Daddy, please?"

While standing up he sighs, "Ugh for the love of God fine. I guess I'll prove a point to you all." 

 

13 December 213 (Monday) 

Duo walks into Heero’s office, making a mental note of the heavy metal Christmas music playing on the radio. Pulling up a chair to Heero's desk, he sits down and just stares at the 33 year old former pilot of Wing Zero with his dark brown hair in its normal state of “Heero just rolled out of bed looking like this”, glasses on the desk as he’s staring at a paper on the desk, forehead has a bandage where stitches were placed, bandages on his left hand, up his left arm, and part of his right arm, colour peeking out above the one on the right where Duo could see bits of one of his tattoos.  

Heero grabs his glasses off his desk, putting them on he gives Duo a glare signifying the look of “What the hell do you want?”

Trying not to laugh Duo says, “I heard you had to go to the hospital yesterday afternoon.”

“I don’t even want to talk to you right now. You are partially to blame for this mess,” Heero says in a very low and dark tone to his best friend and brother-in-law.

“How the hell is any of that my fault?!”

Sitting up straight in his chair Heero looks directly into Duo’s eyes, “Well let’s see. You showed them the pictures and video. So, by default, you gave them the dammed idea.”

Duo laughs, “Yeah, but you’re the. Wait? What do you mean I gave them the idea?!”

“You don’t remember showing the kids a bunch of pictures and a video of some person wrapping their cat in Christmas paper?” Heero asked.

Duo sat there for a couple minutes in silence and then his expression changes to shocked, “Oh shit! Don’t tell me you did that ‘Ro!”

Heero takes a deep breath and finally says, “Yeah… I did. Boys know how to use their sister to persuade me. To make it worse, she knows what she's doing. That and the kids wouldn't let me take care of suturing my wounds by myself in the bathroom. Dude, have you ever tried driving with blood running down your face. Don't do it, unless you want people in the lane next to you giving you weird looks.”

Duo looks at his friend with this look of shock since that entire sentence was longer than he’s used to hearing come out of Heero’s mouth. Then it hits him. “Waaaaiit? You mean to tell me you were easily persuaded by the Little Lady?!” He starts laughing out the words, “OH MY GOD THE GREAT HEERO YUY GAVE INTO A STUPID STUNT BECAUSE OF HIS DAUGHTER?!”

A young agent comes walking into the office, Duo doesn’t notice as he’s now laughing himself to tears. Heero though notices and ignoring his friend who is currently gasping for air, looks up nodding to the young man. “Yes Nicholas?”

“Do I really want to know what happened?” He asks Heero.

Heero shakes his head and just looks at Nicholas, “Let me give you one piece of advice as your superior. Don’t have a daughter.”

“Well sir, my wife and I were hoping this one would be a girl this time around.”

Heero kind of laughs, “Well, then as someone who has one himself, get ready to lose a lot. And I mean a lot. Especially if she figures out exactly what to say, how to say it, and how to look at you. Once she figures out your weaknesses. You lose instantly.

Duo, finally able to breathe looks up at Heero, then looks over at Nicholas who is standing next to where Duo is sitting in front of Heero’s desk. “Well... Let me just say this, ‘Ro over here has pretty much been losing since the day she was born. I don’t even think he’s won anything with her. Except her attention and consistent attachment.”

“She’s the only one I don’t have to fight with to do anything. I just have to look at her pissed and she stops. You know what Duo… I hope my sister is carrying a girl. You need to know my pain and suffering.”  

Nicholas clears his throat causing the two former pilots to look up. “Um, what does this have to do with me again now?” he asks.

Remembering what he was about to tell him, Heero continues, “Well, if that’s the case. If you do end up with a daughter. Just hope she doesn’t have dark brown hair and blue eyes.”

 

 

Notes:

Moral of the story: Don’t let Duo Maxwell show your children stupid things on the internet. This will lead to a very bad time.

Also, the final result of Heero’s internal scoring:

33 year old adult: 1pt
2 male preschoolers: 1pt
1 blue eyed girl: 3pts
Grey cat Luna: 10pts, some blood, part of Heero’s skin. Oh and maybe a bunch of strands of his hair. Not like he’d notice anyway with that mop of his.

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