Chapter Text
Feuilly drove Jehan to the hospital, despite the protesting. Jehan trembled in the passenger seat, his arms crossed over his chest. He hated the doctor, and the very idea of it made him sick to his stomach.
“It’s alright, Baby Doll.” Feuilly said with a smile, taking Jehan’s hand. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Just want to make sure.” Jehan nodded.
He had been waking up in the middle of the night recently, always in a cold sweat, and he had lost eight pounds in just under three months. What prompted the doctor visit, however, was a terribly swollen lymph node on the side of his neck, which Joly said needed to be checked out. The doctor had promptly send them to the hospital for a few tests and an x-ray.
“Don’t be scared. Doctors don’t do anything that isn’t good for you.”
“My body is my special place and I don’t like other people poking needles into it and putting chemicals in it and Feuilly I’m so scared!” he babbled, tears coming to his eyes. Feuilly pulled into a parking spot and ran around the car to Jehan’s side. He opened the door and pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his hair as he sniffled.
“It’s alright. I’ll be here the entire time. Your parents will be here tomorrow for their visit, and everything is going to be great. You heard Joly. Even he said it was probably nothing. He said it might just be a cold. No biggie. Come on, I’ll stay with you the whole time, I promise.” He said with a smile, offering Jehan his hand. He took it, looking up at Feuilly with big, frightened eyes as they walked into the hospital.
“Feuilly I don’t want to go I’m scared please—” he babbled as they entered the waiting room. It was terribly stark and uninviting, making Jehan all the more nervous.
“You have to, Baby Doll. I know you don’t want to, I don’t want to either, but I need to know that you’re alright, and on the off chance that you’re not alright, I need to know so I can help you get better. I love you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. Do it for me, okay? Be brave for me.” Feuilly said softly, sitting next to Jehan on one of the couches pushed against the wall. He draped his arm over Jehan’s slender frame and rocked him back and forth, gently.
“But you’re brave. You’re supposed to be brave for me I’m not made for brave things, Feuilly, I’m too tiny.” Jehan babbled, nearly incoherent. He tended to spew words when he was in any form of extreme emotion, usually flowery poems he had memorized, but now, in his distress, he couldn’t think of anything happy to say.
“Hey,” Feuilly said, quieting Jehan, “you don’t have to be big and scary to be brave. Frodo wasn’t big and scary. That chick from Tangled wasn’t big and scary.” He said. Jehan chuckled and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “This’ll take ten minutes, and then we’ll go to that little thrift shop you like and out for ice cream, okay?”
“Okay.” Jehan agreed reluctantly with a meek smile as the doctor called his name from the door. Jehan stood up and looked back at Feuilly.
“Can he come?” he asked the doctor quietly, his cheeks turning terribly red. Jehan was so shy, Feuilly was amazed he had asked the doctor anything at all. The doctor thought for a moment, but seeing Jehan’s obvious distress, he nodded.
“I don’t usually let anyone in the office besides patients, but you’re obviously a bit stressed.” He smiled as Feuilly took Jehan’s hand and followed him into the examination room.
—o0o—
The ten minute appointment turned into a five hour afternoon of tests and x-rays and CAT scans, and with every test, the news got worse and worse. Jehan was sitting in the waiting room with Feuilly, hunched over with his face buried in his hands, when the doctor came out for the final time with his test results. Feuilly looked up at the doctor, who silently stared down at his intimidating clipboard. Jehan looked up, desperation in his eyes when he heard the doctor sigh.
“Why don’t you come on back into the examination room?” the Doctor suggested, holding the door open. Feuilly took Jehan’s hand and helped him up. He could hardly walk; his knees were shaking so much. The flower in his hair had wilted, much like his overall demeanor, and he kicked off his happy yellow Chuck Taylors when he sat down on the examination table with Feuilly, who held him close.
“Jean Prouvaire, I am sorry to inform you that you have early-stage Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.” Jehan began shaking violently, his breathing uneven and shallow. His eyes flooded with heavy tears. He collapsed into Feuilly.
“That’s not what I have. I don’t have that. I can’t have that. I don’t have cancer, I don’t. I can’t have that!” he chanted into Feuilly’s sweatshirt, rocking and shaking. If he didn’t know the context, Feuilly would have thought he was having some sort of fit.
“This may sound insensitive, but if you’re going to get cancer, this is the one to get. It is extremely treatable. You’re young, you’re in a very early stage of progression, and you clearly have plenty of love and support!” he smiled, handing Feuilly a flier of information.
“What’s the survival rate, or whatever you call it?” Feuilly asked.
“He’s actually in a very good position considering his age and the stage of progression, as I mentioned, so the five year survival rate is 98%.”
“You hear that, Love? 98% That’s great! You’re gonna be fine!”
“No Feuilly I can’t I can’t do it I’m not ready for it I’m not going to do it!” he babbled. Feuilly let him cry, rubbing his back up and down, speaking with the doctor.
“What’s treatment?” Feuilly asked.
“He is going to need chemotherapy…I suggest we start as soon as possible.”
“No! No I can’t do that! Feuilly I-I-Please I can’t! Oh goodness what am I going to do?! Will my hair fall out?!” Poor Jehan was a mess of tears and sobs. Feuilly felt completely useless, powerless against Jehan’s prevailing despair.
“Afraid so.” The doctor said with a frown. Jehan took his long braid in his hand and held it tight. The doctor wrote a note on his clipboard and handed it to Feuilly. “Make an appointment for the first round of chemo. I’ll see you soon, Prouvaire. I’m sorry for the tough news.” He added as he left the room.
“Feuilly what am I going to do?” he whispered through his tears, leaning against him.
“We’re gonna get through this. You’re gonna beat it’s ass.” He said, hoisting Jehan into his lap, planting gentle kisses in his hair. “And we’re going to get you some silky scarves for your head, and we’re going to get you lots of cute hats, and we’re going to go on a raw vegan diet, and we’re going to whoop this in the butt.” He said with a smile, taking Jehan’s chin in his hand and lifting his face up to look at him. Feuilly fisted his hand around the end of his sweatshirt sleeve and wiped away the tears on his love’s cheeks. “and right now, we’re going to call your parents, and we’re going to tell them what’s going on, okay?” Jehan nodded into Feuilly’s chest and handed him his phone. “Do you want to talk to them, or do you want me to tell them?”
“You.” Jehan cooed. Feuilly dialed and sighed, trying to think of the right way to say it. How do you tell a mother her child has cancer without upsetting her? You don’t.
“Hey, uh, Mrs. Prouvaire, it’s Feuilly.” He said when she answered the phone. “Jehan and I are at the hospital and—No! No he just…well yeah something is wrong he’s g—no don’t freak out, it’s not too bad. He has really early stage Hodgkin’s Lymph—” Jehan began to cry again when he heard his mother burst into tears over the phone. Jehan’s father took over and asked for Jehan. “He wants to talk to you.” Feuilly explained, handing Jehan the phone. He took it gingerly.
“Papa? I’m okay I’m very scared…You have to come tomorrow still okay?” he sniffled. “Papa make sure Mommy’s okay I don’t want her to be upset…They said there’s a 98% chance of getting through it, so that’s…good…Okay Papa…Okay I’ll see you tomorrow…Love you.” He turned off the phone and put it back into his pocket, placing his face in his hands again and sitting quietly.
“Come on, Baby Doll.” Feuilly said, picking up Jehan and carrying him out of the room. He held him all the way out to the car. Jehan pulled his legs up to his chest and sat in a ball the entire ride home.
~Hello Lovelies!!!
Hopefully that didn't squash your soul too much!
This is meant to reflect a family member's journey through Hodgkin's, and how he got through it. I mean to offer hope to people going through a similar struggle, and to let everyone know that you can kick this thing's ass ;)
POOR JEHAN THO OMG POOR BABY