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Bathroom Rules

Summary:

In which Tony learns that Peter has a very specific set of parameters on what is a usable bathroom.

Notes:

Okay so I was so not planning on writing anything else for a while :) But someone, not mentioning any names. *ahem* got my thoughts rolling and once an idea settles out and can't help but get it out. So... there ya go. It's late and I have to work tomorrow,so, I will reread this a hundred times and make corrections later.

Work Text:

Tony had been invited to speak at a symposium out of state. He was apt to decline, as he had so many others but when Peter mentioned how boring his Fall Break was going to be with Ned visiting family and May working double shifts, he started to reconsider. "When exactly is this Fall break?", he finally asked the kid after listening to him ramble and complain for no less than hour and a half.

 

"Oh! It starts the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and then it goes through the following week too. So it's like a week and a few days... but Ned is going to be gone the whole time! ...and I don't get why May had to pick that week to work double shifts.  I mean, I get it but still, it would be nice if--"

 

"--You want go on a road trip with me?"

 

Peter was caught off guard.  "huh?  What're you even talking about?"

 

The man looked at the confusion on the kid's face and smirked.  "A road trip.  It's where you get in the car and drive somewhere.  I hear they're supposed to be fun.  Thought you might want to join me."

 

Peter had now gone from looking completely confused to borderline manic with excitement.  "You want me to go with you on a road trip!?  Yes!  Like, a hundred times yes!!"

 

The man started laughing, "How can you possibly be that excited when you don't even know where we're going yet?"

 

Peter gave his mentor his widest, brightest smile, "Because I don't care where we're going because I'm going with you."

 

This may or may not have left Tony ever so slightly misty-eyed but no one would ever know because he chose that exact moment to examine a small stain on the floor by his foot.  "Well, uh, guess I should talk to your aunt then huh?"  With a slight sniff and wave of his hand, he was then composed enough to turn back to his mentee.  "It's a symposium, by the way, the college hosting it had asked me a while back if I would come and do a lecture.  Basically, it's a bunch scientist nerding out to anyone who shows up to listen.  It'll be right up your alley, Kid."  

 

Sure, they could have flown on one of Tony's private jets but for some reason, he thought the kid might enjoy the added time together in the car.  Yeah, that was it.  The kid would enjoy that, probably a lot and Tony could do that for him.  Yep. That is totally the reason.  At least that is what Tony kept telling himself.  

 

The trip down had been a blast.  They had each created a playlist for the car and took turns being in control of the music, singing along to the songs they knew.  They had played a stupid license plate game at Peter's insistence, eaten a bunch of crappy fast food and gas station snacks and made it to the hotel in time for some swimming.

 

The symposium its self had been a success.  Tony's lecture was well attended.  Obviously.  The kid had bounced from lecture to lecture, keeping up like he belonged there.  Peter had been in his element.   Notebook in hand, He attended as many lectures as he possibly could.  The only thing he stopped for was to eat during the lunch session and a couple of rushed bathroom breaks in between.  

 

Tony had followed Peter around to all of the lectures but always sat in the back and messed with his phone or his watch, so as to not draw too much attention to himself.  Though at the end of each lecture when the attendees were invited to ask questions, his eyes always shot up.   It fully delighted him to watch the looks on the the professors and scientists faces whenever his kid would ask them a particularly intelligent question.  He was filled with absolute pride seeing others appreciating his protege's enthusiasm and capacity for knowledge.  It was especially rewarding to watch as Peter managed to completely stump one of the professors as well as her three attending colleagues after a lecture on 'the future of bio-engineering'.

 

The days passed quickly and soon they were back in the car for their return trip home.  'home'.   It struck Peter as funny when Tony had said it was 'time to head home' that he was unclear if the man had meant the tower or his apartment.  When had the tower started to feel like home?  That was a question for another day because right now he had another more relevant question.  So he turned down the music a couple of notches.  "When did you say we were going to stop for lunch?"

 

"Uh, it's, what, about eleven o'clock now?  I was thinking we would stop around noon.  That would put us at the halfway mark.  Why, you hungry now?"  He turned his head to steal a glance at the kid before turning back to the road ahead of him.

 

"Oh, no, I still have a bag of chips and some of that soda from the gas station before we left.  It's nothing.  I was just wondering."

 

"Sure."  The man answered, knowing it probably wasn't 'nothing'.  In fact, if he were to guess, he would guess the kid needed to pee.  Not wanting to be overbearing at the moment, he just opted to let it go.   He could intervene later if he needed to.   

 

However, not ten minutes later the kid decided to speak up.  "Actually do you think we could stop sooner?"  Before bashfully adding, "I need to go to the bathroom."  

 

"Of course"  Looks like there's a burger place at this next exit.  Sound good?"  The man asked never taking his eyes off the road.

 

"Yep, that sounds perfect!"

 

Once they arrived at their destination Tony watched as his kid went in ahead of him and headed straight towards the restrooms while he headed towards the counter to contemplate the menu.  It took him a few moments to realize his kid was back beside him, startling when he seemingly popped out of nowhere questioning him about what he was going to eat.  Tony told him what was getting and then returned the question.  "What about you?  We're next so you better decide quick.", the man teased.

 

"Oh, um, I don't care.  You know what I like.  Just whatever."

 

Tony was not going to get caught in that circle today. nope.  He had learned a while back that this kid could not for the life of him make a menu decision, they would go into infuriating circles of 'What do you want?  I don't know.  Pick something.  You pick.  I don't know what you want... whatever you want.'.  This time, he decided to skip all of that and just narrow it down for him.  "Do you want the Number Four or the Number Six?"

 

"Oooh... The Number Six!", Peter answered enthusiastically to which Tony rolled his eyes because clearly, the kid did have an opinion.  

 

They ate their lunch in relative silence and as Peter popped the last of his fries into his mouth Tony tossed a fifty dollar bill towards him and told him to go order two apple pies and a large coffee for the road.  While the kid was off doing that he went to the back of the store and took care of his own needs.  By the time he got back to the front, Peter had already obtained the requested goods and was passing the coffee and one of the pies over to Tony.  "Nope, those are both for you,"  he told him, only taking the coffee off his hands.  "You ready?  Good to go?"  The kid nodded in the affirmative and they were back on the road.

 

Even with the sound of the music filling the air, the silence in the car was deafening.  Usually, the kid talked non-stop.  Tony couldn't help but glance over at Peter every so often to try and figure out what the silence was about.  They had just eaten, stretched their legs and used the bathroom so it wasn't any of those things.  Plus, he looked okay.   He had kicked his shoes off the moment they got back into the car and curled up into a ball in the seat.  Maybe he was just tired but Tony missed the incessant chattering that had occupied the car for the first half of the ride so he tried to engage his kid in some sort of conversation, checking to see if his kid was actually awake before speaking. "You have fun?"

 

"yeah", Peter answered.

 

Not completely satisfied with that answer, Tony continued, "What was your favorite part?"

 

Peter never even looked up.  "I dunno"

 

Tony just smiled in his direction.  "What do you mean you don't know.  You were supposed to say that my lecture was your favorite part.  Get with the program, Kiddo"

 

"oh,  Sorry.  It was a really good lecture.", Peter said, never lifting his head off of the window.

 

Tony just sighed.  "Okay, I give up.  Why don't you just take a nap."  It had been a really long last few days.  The kid had hardly slept between the late nights, residual excitement and the occasional nightmare whenever he did sleep.  So, Peter had spent the majority of the evenings going over notes, talking Tony's ear off or almost literally, bouncing off the walls.  It was possible that the lull of the road was causing his lack of sleep to catch up with him.   The man decided to concede and just let him sleep. 

 

Tony noticed the kid was occasionally moving around in his seat.  He seemed to be having trouble finding a comfortable position and every time Tony would check, Peter would still wide awake and staring out the window.  It was a good thirty-five minutes before the teenager sat up and tucked one foot under himself, seemingly having given up on getting any rest.  It didn't take but a moment for Tony to notice the car was ever so slightly shaking.  A glance at his kid confirmed the origin, the foot not tucked under Peter, was jittering in place.  "You alright, Kiddo?"

 

 

Peter still looking out the window, "Yeah"  There was a slight pause he let out an annoyed "ugh" before finally looking over in Tony's direction.  "Actually, I need to pee.  Can we please stop?"

 

Tony looked over at his protege with concern written all over his face.  "Pete, we just left the restaurant less than an hour ago."

 

"I know.", Peter answered slightly strained.  "But I didn't get to go to the bathroom"

 

Now Tony was confused.  "What are you talking about?  I watched you go into the bathroom when we first got there..."

 

Peter sighed.  "I mean, I did go to the bathroom.  I just didn't go to the bathroom."

 

Tony was now looking back and forth between the road and the fidgety kid beside him as he tried to process what was going on.  "What now?"  

 

"Well", Peter began.  "It's just...", but his voice trailed off, never finishing the thought.

 

"Just what, Kid?"

 

Now staring directly at his shoes sitting in the wheel well,  Peter gave a dramatic sigh "It's just ...it was dirty."

 

"Dirty", Tony repeated somewhere between a flat statement and a question, as if he was waiting for more.

 

This led Peter into an animated explanation, hands flying.  "I mean, the floor was sticky and none of the toilets were flushed and it smelled gross.  So I just... didn't.  I just came out."  Explanation over his hands rested back in his lap.  "You're gonna stop though, right?"  Peter asked, anxiety clearly lacing his voice.

 

"Yeah, Kiddo, I'm gonna stop.", Tony answered.  The kid wasn't wrong.  It hadn't been the cleanest bathroom he ever used but it wasn't that bad he thought.  He supposed it was just another one of his kid's quirks that he was constantly learning about.   "Why didn't you just tell me when we were there.  We could have stopped somewhere else before we got back on the highway."  Tony asked in a somewhat sad tone.  He thought they had gotten to the point where the kids trusted him enough to share that sort of information.

 

Peter just shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the window.  He had already needed to go before adding his drink at lunch into the mix.  Here, an hour later, his need was getting more critical.  It had gone from a constant annoyance to a dull ache and feeling trapped in the car wasn't helping any.  Ten minutes passed in silence before Peter spoke again.  This time through gritted teeth leg still jiggling in place.  "I thought you said you were gonna stop."

 

"Have you seen anywhere for me to stop yet?  I can only do what I can do, Kid.  I promise I'll stop as soon as I see something."  Peter giving something that resembled a neck jerking nod in response.

 

It didn't take much longer for Tony to spot a sign for an exit with a singular gas station.  That would do.  So he made his way over in traffic, got off the highway and quickly pulling into a rundown looking gas station.  Given the last few minutes of conversation he had just had with his kid, Tony couldn't help but be slightly concerned about the state of this bathroom and whether or not Peter would actually use it.

 

Having stopped the car, Peter made a hasty exit and headed into the building only to return moments later still obviously desperate.  Damn it.  Getting in the car, he swallowed, shaking his head slightly "No"

 

Tony looked at the kid with concern.  "No?  Dirty?"

 

Peter squirmed in his seat, desperately seeking a position that didn't add any more pressure to his lower abdomen.  "No, it was... okay... but, uh, but there was only one stall and there was no lock on it."  

 

"...and there was no urinal?", Tony asked as if it was the obvious solution.

 

"Oh", Peter said, looking sheepish before turning to look out the window.  "I, um, I,I don't use those."

 

Tony sighed and he wasn't sure if it was from defeat or frustration but he was trying.  "Should I ask why not?"

 

"well... I mean... someone might... I dunno... look"

 

"Pete,"  Tony said resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.  "I assure you no one is going to look"

 

"You can't Promise that Tony," Peter said without hesitation.  

 

Tony also resisted the urge to ask the kid if there was even anyone else in there to look but he just turned off the car.

 

"What are you doing?"  Peter with deep trepidation.  He needed a clean, private place to pee in an immediate fashion and the man had just turned off the car.

 

Tony looked at him.  "I'm going in with you.  I'll hold the door shut."

 

Peter scrunched up his nose at the idea.  "That's kinda weird though.  Isn't it?  Can't we, can't we just find somewhere else?  Please, Tony?"

 

Seeing that this was not going to work, Tony started to crank the car back to life.  "We aren't exactly laden with options here Buddy."  A quick check with F.R.I.D.A.Y. revealed that this was the last sign of life until they hit a comfort station in thirty miles.  That was at least twenty-five minutes if Tony drove fast.  "The next stop is almost thirty minutes away.  You sure you're good for that?"  

 

Crossing his legs, Peter gave a quick nod and went back to concentrating on keeping his aching bladder under control.  The fact that he had to pee so bad and had walked in and out of yet another bathroom was killing him but it couldn't be helped.  He knew that even if he had tried to use either bathroom it wouldn't have worked.  He would have just stood there bladder bursting and no relief.  In fact, unless he stood there until his muscles gave out and he completely lost control, he wouldn't be able to go.  No, waiting for the next stop was better.  He could wait a little while longer.

 

As Tony drove towards the comfort stop he couldn't help but curse and complain.  Every damn car on the road seemed to want to get in front of him and slow down.  It was frustrating.  Or maybe it was second-hand anxiety as he watched his kid continue to shift around in his seat, listening as he made the occasional grunt or whine under his breath, waiting for Tony to find him an adequate bathroom.  They had not managed to run into this problem on the way down, at least to Tony's knowledge, and now they had had a hit a hard 'no' at the last two stops. Great.   

 

Only a few minutes into their twenty-five-minute drive, Peter whined.  "How much longer?"  His bladder was screaming and tears were starting to burn his eyes.  

 

Tony, not wanting to cause any more stress just a gave a vague answer.  "Little bit further."  Then, hearing the child whine again in protest he decided to try and bargain.  "I could just pull the car over.  You could walk into the woods real quick.  No one would notice.  People do it all the time.", he said waving his hand towards the forested area they were currently driving through.

 

"Ew!"  Peter said, sounding completely put off by the suggestion.  "That is not an option.  Why would anyone do that?" Though the tiniest part of him kind wished he didn't feel that way about it.   

 

Tony laughed lightly,  "Um, maybe because they, oh I dunno, don't want to pee in the car?"  Then thinking about the implications of his words he quickly added, "So, I guess camping is a big no for you huh, Squirt?"

 

"Camping is fine.", Peter hissed through his teeth.  "As long as it's one of those places that has the showers, and toilets and stuff.  Uncle Ben took me to one of those one time when I was eight.  It was actually pretty fun" He thought about telling Tony more about it but the level of concentration it was taking to not completely piss himself at the moment was staggering.  So, he just went back to staring out the window. 

Speeding up just a little bit.  Okay, maybe a lot a bit, Tony kept driving.  Willing any and all highway patrolmen to just not notice because he knew if they got pulled over it would not end well for Peter.  'Please Please Please don't get pulled over' was his mantra for the next ten minutes until the comfort stop came into view.  Leaving him silently whooping for joy in his head.  Finally.  Then a daunting thought occurred, causing him to inwardly groan as he began to recite a whole new internal mantra of 'please be clean. please be clean. Please be clean.'

 

At long last, they sped into the parking lot, Tony stopping the car at the curb right in front of the men's room building.  Sure, it was a no parking zone but that was a ticket he was willing to pay if it meant getting his kid to the toilet in time.

 

Once, the car had come to a stop, Peter, fumbled with his seatbelt until Tony just reached over and undid it for him then, practically fell out of the car trying to get his feet on the ground.  He stiffly walked as quickly as his quacking bladder would allow towards the door, Tony on his heals.  Each step was sending an excruciating pang of desperation through his body, but he was determined to make it.  The bathroom was right there and he wanted to scream 'Thank God' at the top of his lungs when he got inside and saw multiple clean, open and operable stalls.  Tony shared the sentiment on his behalf. 

 

Choosing the toilet closest to the door he ran inside and floundered with the lock for longer than he would have liked before finally turning his body towards the bowl.  He somehow managed to make quick work of his fly and then pull himself out, whimpering at the effort that it took to keep his bladder in place while he aimed himself towards the water.  Everything situated, he finally began to pee.  It took a few seconds of heavy flow for the desperation to finally ease and the feeling of relief to take over.  He closed his eyes and quietly moaned at the feeling of utter alleviation as his bladder begin to shrink.  

 

Tony thanked every deity that he could think of as Peter made it into the stall without wetting himself then allowed himself relax as heard the sound of water hitting water and hoped that the kid had fully made it in time.  When Peter walked out of the stall still dry, the man let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.  "Better?"

 

"Much", Peter answered with a bright smile as he walked towards the sinks and washed his hands before they both headed back to the car.  

 

For the rest of the car ride Tony rarely got a word in, instead, the cabin was filled with endless chatter about anything and everything.   Just the way he liked it. 

 

All in all, he would call this road trip a success.  

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