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Clarke sat across from Octavia, checking to see how her arm was healing from the wounds caused by the worm - and by pulling it out. Madi stood not far off, watching them intently. Clarke was terrified, sitting there with Madi and Octavia in the same room, knowing the lies she’d have to tell to keep Madi safe from everyone in Polis. Clarke knew that despite the appearance of unity within Wonkru that there would still be those who would want the return of the Commanders.
And that wasn’t something Clarke wanted to risk Madi’s life on, especially given the iron control that Octavia exercised over her people. A civil war would not help them get back to the valley that had been their home for six years.
“Gross.” Madi said, looking at the stitched up wound in Octavia’s bicep, breaking Clarke’s concentration.
“Madi.” Clarke chided, turning her attention back to Octavia’s arm. “The infection’s passing. But this is going to hurt. Are you sure you don’t want Jackson?”
“Jackson’s tending to Indra and the others in medbay. Just do it.”
Clarke had seen the way Wonkru acted towards Octavia, their loyalty, their cult-like devotion to her. Her mother had been terrified of it, of something, though she hadn’t said precisely what. She’d said that Clarke would be unable to reason with Octavia, but sitting there with her, Clarke felt like they were back at the dropship. Just two girls, dropped on Earth, to do the best they could. Clarke knew Octavia, for better or for worse, and in this moment she saw the same selflessness that Octavia had displayed time and time again - she was the queen, she could demand their doctor’s attention, but she didn’t. Her people needed him more, and she wouldn’t deny them that.
Clarke thought back to the moment she’d first landed in the bunker. Octavia was hugging Bellamy fiercely, siblings reunited after six years apart. When she’d landed, Octavia had come over to her, clasping arms as grounder warriors did, and given her a look. A look that had said so much without words needing to be spoken.
I understand you now.
It was a look that Clarke had shared with several leaders during her time on Earth, and while Bellamy didn’t seem to want to see it, that’s what Octavia was now too. A leader, who had kept her people - most of them, anyway - alive for six years. She could tell that Octavia had had to make hard decisions, it was written in every line of her body as she moved through her people, as she led them into the desert, as she had to temper her disappointment and file Bellamy away as a variable that she couldn’t rely on as she made the decisions that needed to be made.
Octavia understood her now. Perhaps it was time for Clarke to understand now too. To be honest, and trust that Octavia would hear them out.
Clarke saw Octavia’s glance turn to Madi as she fought through the sting of the disinfectant, and saw Madi smile at her. It was now or never.
“Madi’s a big fan.” Clarke said. “She’s heard every story about the girl under the floor who saved the human race.”
“And what’s your story?” Octavia asked Madi. “You survived six years of radiation. What’s your secret?”
“Octavia -” Clarke said, stopping Madi from speaking, but still not sure what to say, as Octavia focused her attention back on Clarke. “I - we - Madi’s a Nightblood. A true Nightblood. Her parents hid her from the Flamekeepers, they didn’t want her to be Commander, and I - I don’t either. She’s still just a child, and I don’t want you to think we’re plotting a coup, we’re not, I promise -”
“Clarke.” Octavia interrupted, grabbing Clarke’s shoulder with her good arm when she opened her mouth to continue. “Clarke. Relax. I’m glad you were honest with me. That will make everything a lot easier. But I want to hear Madi’s story. Not yours.”
Madi looked at Clarke, and Clarke nodded.
“I - it isn’t that much of a story.” Madi said, biting her lip. “When I was just a baby, my parents saw a Nightblood girl taken from our village by the Flamekeepers. They tore her out of her mother’s arms, and they were never allowed to speak to each other again. They swore they’d never let that happen to me. So any time the Flamekeepers came, they hid me under the floor of their caravan in the woods. Until - until Praimfaya came. And they all died. And I was by myself for two months, until Clarke found me.” Madi smiled. “I made her life hell for the first few weeks she was in the valley.”
“That’s the polite way of saying she led me into a bear trap and tried to kill me because she thought I was a Flamekeeper.” Clarke said, exchanging a glance with Madi.
Octavia chuckled, and the door behind them opened. Cooper entered, looking only to Octavia. “Ready to move?”
“I’m in the middle of something.” Octavia said sternly, looking up at Cooper. “Tell Gaia I want to see her. And we’ll join you outside after that.”
Cooper nodded once and left. Octavia turned back to face Madi. “Clarke says she doesn’t want you to be Commander. But I need to know what you want. And I want you to be honest with me.”
“I - I’ve heard the stories. Of how Commanders are chosen. How they’re raised. How they die.” Madi looked at Clarke. “I don’t think I want that.”
Octavia nodded. “Well, the world now is different than what it was like before Praimfaya. But we’re still in the middle of a war. You’ve already met our enemy. Can you imagine leading 800 people to fight them?”
“I don’t want to do that. I don’t know anything about any of that, even with the Flame - I - I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“Don’t worry. You don’t have to. And I’ll make sure that no one forces you to do that. I will protect you with my life, I promise you that. But I’ll need you to promise me something in return. If you do change your mind, if you do decide that you want to take the Flame and be Commander - be that tomorrow or be that ten years from now - I need you to come and talk to me about it first.”
“I promise.” Madi said. “I promise I’ll talk to you first.”
“Good.”
The door opened again and Gaia came in. “Blodreina. You wanted to see me?”
“Yes. Please close the door. You remember Clarke?”
“Of course. Good to see you again.” Gaia turned to look at Madi. “And who is this?”
“This is Madi.” Clarke said. “She’s -”
“She’s a Nightblood.” Octavia finished. “From Shallow Valley. Before Praimfaya, her parents hid her from people like you. I need to make sure you are not a threat to her now.”
“She’s a Flamekeeper?” Madi asked warily, stepping back, moving to put Clarke and Octavia between herself and Gaia.
Gaia looked between Octavia, Clarke and Madi, taking in all of their expressions carefully. She nodded to herself, as if confirming something, and stood up straight, focusing back on Madi. “I am the Flamekeeper. The last of my kind, as are you, Madi. You’re special, I hope you know that.”
“Her blood doesn’t define her.” Clarke said. “You are not going to force the Flame on her.”
“I would never.” Gaia said. “I swear to you, I wouldn’t. But it isn’t your decision. Or yours, Blodreina. It is hers and hers alone.”
“That is my decision.” Madi said. “I don’t want to take the Flame.”
Gaia nodded. “I understand. And I will respect that. But this won’t stay a secret, there will be those among Wonkru who will want it -”
“Then it is your job to make sure they know it is her choice not to take it. And to make sure that they respect that.” Octavia said, standing up and moving to stare Gaia down. “I don’t intend for this to stay a secret. Secrets kill. We will welcome Madi and Clarke into Wonkru, and everyone will know that they are under my protection.”
“Our protection.” Gaia said. “Commander or not, I am sworn to protect all who carry the blood of Bekka Pramheda.”
“Good. Then I appoint you as Madi’s bodyguard. Take her to meet our novitiates. She could teach them a thing or two about our enemy. But don’t mention her blood to anyone yet. We will have a formal ceremony later today. Right now, I need to talk to Clarke.”
Madi looked at Gaia warily, then back to Clarke. “Clarke?”
Clarke exchanged a look with Octavia. “It’s okay. You’ll be safe. I doubt there’s anyone foolish enough to mess with both Blodreina and Wanheda.”
“If it makes you feel better…” Gaia pulled a familiar case out of her pocket and held it out to Clarke. Clarke opened it to see the Flame nestled within. “I know Clarke will keep it safe.”
“I will. Thank you.” Clarke tucked the Flame in its case into her jacket.
Madi nodded to Clarke and Octavia and followed Gaia out the door. Octavia sat down and turned back to Clarke.
“We’re joining Wonkru?” Clarke asked. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“Doesn’t matter how you feel, Clarke.” Octavia said, running a fingernail along a groove in the tabletop. “You want to protect Madi, this is how we do it. Because if we don’t, people will use her against me, and trust me when I say neither of us are going to like where that ends up.”
“You’ve learned a lot over the past six years.”
“I’ve had to. None of this comes naturally to me. I’m not like you.”
“Six and a half years ago, you said you’d never understand why I did what I did in TonDC. Do you now?”
“I do.” Octavia straightened up and squared her shoulders. “I don’t like it, but I do. And I understand now that one doesn’t have to like it to do what needs to be done.”
“What happened down here, Octavia?”
Octavia gave her a sharp look. “What have you heard?”
“Not a whole lot. People seem to both fear and respect you and would die to protect you. My mother said that I wouldn’t be able to reason with you, but it is clear that I just have, so there’s something that she missed, either by circumstance or by choice. You’ve got that saying ‘omon gon oson’. All of me for all of us. And somehow, I think that all of that is related.”
Octavia looked away, but Clarke noticed the increasing tension in her posture, how her knuckles turned white as she clenched one of her fists.
“Octavia. Please. No judgements. You know I know what it is like to have to make the hard choices. You know I know that better than anyone.”
“Do you know what it’s like to have to make the hard choices, but then have all of the people who told you to make them abandon you? Abandon you and sell you out to the enemy?”
“Kind of.” Clarke said. “Isn’t that what Lexa did to us at Mount Weather? But not quite the same I’m guessing, since I have the feeling you’re talking about my mother.”
“I am.” Octavia looked back up, tears glimmering in her eyes. “Do you have any idea what she made me do to save our people? And that afterward, she abandoned me to face all the horror by myself? And that all of that - all of that is why I am who I am now, and because of that my own brother doesn’t recognize me. And doesn’t want to.” She sighed. “And that’s what hurts the most.”
Clarke reached out and rested her hand over Octavia’s where it rested on the table. “Well, I’m not my mother. Or your brother. Please. I trusted you with the truth about Madi, please trust me with the truth of what happened here. I won’t tell your brother. Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Fine.” Octavia squared her shoulders again. “We’d been down here for two years when Cooper reported that a fungus had hit the hydrofarm. She’d managed to confine it to the soybean crop and saved some healthy seeds, but that was still our protein crop, gone, for a year until she could regrow new plants from seed. Abby said that we’d all die if we didn’t have protein for a year, and that there was only one potential source. Only one other source or we’d all die.”
Octavia gave Clarke an intense stare, clearly not wanting to say the words, but willing her to understand.
“Is that when the fighting pit started? To decide that?”
“No. That started almost two months in to our time here, because of a Skaikru mutiny that almost killed everyone else.” Octavia laughed dryly. “I know, it’s ironic that I of all people ended up needing to enforce laws like on the Ark. That irony does not escape me. But what other choice did I have? We knew we might not be getting out in five years, and the idea of needing to think more long term - it terrified people.”
Clarke’s stomach turned. Octavia had said almost two months in. Almost two months after Praimfaya. She dreaded to ask the question, but she needed to know. “How… how did you know you might not be getting out after five years?”
“We heard banging on the door. Your mother assumed it was you. But she and Kane couldn’t get the door open and that’s how we knew we were stuck waiting for a miracle.”
“It was me.” Clarke whispered. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey. It isn’t your fault. It was a blessing, almost. We knew we might not be out in five years, and we were able to plan and prepare accordingly. Well, until that - until that fungus struck. That changed everything.” Octavia held Clarke’s gaze. “Circumstances may have made me a cannibal, but your mother made me a murderer.”
“What did she do?”
“The first day when we were - when we had to eat our own, Kane refused. And not quietly. He gave one of his famous speeches, and walked out. A lot of people followed him. After - after that Abby told me that wasn’t an option. That we couldn’t let people starve to death, because there wouldn’t be enough meat on their bones to feed us. And then we’d all die. She wanted me to take away their choice. So I did.” Octavia looked down again. “I shot three people in the cafeteria that day when they refused to eat, and then Kane broke and ate. And the others followed him, just like Abby said they would.” She looked back at Clarke. “Kane’s hated me ever since, but he still loves your mother. I don’t even know if he knew that it was her plan to break him. She barely talked to me again after that.” Octavia sighed. “So there you have it. That’s what I have to live with. It haunts me every night, even waking, and I - that’s why we need that valley. I can’t have gone through that and not be able to give my people what they deserve.”
Clarke nodded in understanding. “I get it. I do. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Octavia. I really am. I know what it’s like to carry a weight like that. You bear it, so they don’t have to. But I know that doesn’t make it any easier.” She squeezed Octavia’s hand. “I’m here if you want to talk about it. About anything you had to go through. My mother may have abandoned you, but I won’t. We’re in this together now. Omon gon oson, right?”
“Right.”
“So this… ceremony. What exactly does it entail? It sounds like our secret is going to be out in the open.”
“It will. The ceremony will just be your usual blood oath to welcome both of you into Wonkru. You go first. Everyone already knows that Wanheda has Nightblood, so they’ll be expecting it from you. But then when everyone sees Madi’s blood, Gaia and I will make our announcement. People have to know that I know about Madi, that Gaia - the last Flamekeeper - knows about Madi, that Madi doesn’t want to be Commander, and that she is now under Wonkru’s protection - under my protection. We miss any part of that, and some might want to eliminate me to make Madi Commander, while others may want to eliminate her to make sure she isn’t a threat to me. I won’t let either of those scenarios play out.”
“And if for some reason Madi decides she wants to be Commander tomorrow? Will you let that happen?”
“Will you? You’ve got the Flame.”
“I asked first.”
“If Madi told me tomorrow that she wanted to be Commander, I’d ask her to please wait until the war is won. I need to be the one to lead my people home. To the valley. After everything that’s happened, I - I need that. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I do. And after that?”
“After that, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that she inherits a world of peace, where she will never have to make the choices that we’ve had to to survive. I want peace, Clarke. I hope you believe me. I’ve been fighting a war for six years and I just want it to be over.”
“I believe you.”
“My brother doesn’t.”
“I’ll make sure he’s here for the ceremony. If he sees that we’ve talked, maybe he’ll be ready to do the same.”
“I miss him, Clarke. Even more than I did when he was in space. Because he’s here but I don’t recognize him anymore.”
“We’ll make things right.” Clarke stood up, reaching out a hand to Octavia, who also stood, embracing her.
“Thank you.” Octavia whispered. “For not judging me.”
“Thank you for helping me protect Madi.”