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Stiles woke up to a strange knocking noise.
“Stiles?”
Okay, make that a terrifyingly familiar knocking noise. Terrifying not so much due to the knocking itself, but more to the fact that it was his dad knocking and the fact that Derek Hale was naked next to him in bed.
Shit.
The knocking sounded again and this time Stiles jerked up, eyes wide open to see Derek tensed up beside him, looking almost as scared as Stiles felt.
“Will he come in?” Derek whispered so quietly Stiles had to mostly lip read to understand.
“He might!” Stiles hissed back, probably not low enough, because that was the doorknob turning, and oh fuck, they were both dead.
Instantly, Derek rolled off the bed in a maneuver so smooth and quiet Stiles didn't even hear the slightest thump when he landed flat on the floor beside the bed, not quite able to fit under it, instead rolling onto his side and pressing his back firmly against the bed frame, keeping himself just out of the Sheriff's line of sight. As long as he stayed in the doorway, at least. Stiles had to admit he was massively impressed, because of all the wolfy powers he'd seen so far that was totally the most useful.
“Stiles, are you coming down for breakfast?” his dad asked, head poked through the gap in the door. Stiles flailed slightly, horrified at the thought that his dad could somehow sense that something was up, even though Derek was a freakin' ninja. But, luckily, flailing was sort of Stiles' default reaction to a lot of things, so his dad just rolled his eyes at him.
“Breakfast! Yes! Of course, breakfast! Because it's Sunday and Sunday means Sunday breakfast!” he babbled, hoping to God his dad didn't look far enough to the left to notice the pile of clothes amongst the clutter and realize that some of them were in fact not his son's.
The Sheriff looked like he was wondering where the hell he'd gone wrong with his parenting methods, and merely rolled his eyes again. “Ten minutes, Stiles. And wash your hands,” he added before pulling the door closed behind him. Stiles listened intently to the sound of his footsteps heading down the stairs before finally releasing the breath he'd held and craned his head over the side of the bed.
“Dude, why didn't you warn me he was coming?!”
“Because I didn't hear him! I was asleep!” Derek snarled before smoothly rolling to his front and getting up, as if hiding from the long arm of the law behind the beds of teenagers was just another day on the job.
“Hello?! Werewolf!” Stiles argued “I thought you guys could hear a pin drop from three houses away!”
“I could, if I was actually listening for it!”
“Why weren't you?!”
“Because even werewolves need sleep after having sex all night!”
Stiles felt a slow smile spread on his face. “I wore you out. I did, didn't I?! I totally wore out a werewolf! With sex!"
Derek huffed while pulling on his shirt. “Don't flatter yourself, it's been a long week.”
“Oh, I am gonna flatter myself till the cows come home! I'm obviously a natural at this whole sex deal. First night on the job and I am killing it!”
“Please don't make sex your job. Ever.”
“Why not? Would you be jealous?” Stiles fluttered his eyelashes ridiculously.
“No. I'd give it ten minutes before you poke someone's eye out with an elbow.”
“Pfft. You'd be totally jealous, admit it,” Stiles smirked before hopping out of bed to put on some clothes of his own.
“No I wouldn't.”
“Would too.”
“You're annoying.”
“But you like me that way.”
“Only fuck knows why,” Derek muttered, shrugging into his leather jacket, just as Stiles managed to complete his weekend dressing routine of sweatpants and t-shirt. He smiled at Derek and headed for the door, eager to get downstairs and do damage control, when Derek reached out and stopped him with a touch to his arm. For a wild moment Stiles thought Derek was about to lean in and kiss him, but instead he fixed his eyes intently on Stiles' cheek, reached out with two fingers and plucked something off his skin, holding it up so Stiles could see.
“Oh my god. Please don't tell me I was about to sit down to breakfast with my dad with one of your pubes stuck to my face.”
“Fine, I won't tell you,” Derek said flatly, and fuck everyone who ever said Derek didn't have a sense of humor. Stiles let his head fall back against the door with a thump.
“Ugh, why did no one tell me sex was so ridiculous?”
“Because ridiculous sex apparently doesn't sell very well.”
“Are you telling me that porn may have skewed my perception of real life sex? Say it ain't so!” Stiles said as dramatically as he could while still speaking under his breath.
Derek just smirked, and before Stiles could even get his bearings, Derek did in fact swoop in for a quick peck of a kiss before crossing the room in two strides and leaving through the window. Stiles gave himself another minute to compose himself before heading for the bathroom and then downstairs.
“Sleep well?”
Stiles did his best to look innocent. “Yep. Fine, just fine. And you?”
“Fine,” The Sheriff said. And because he was clearly evil, he waited just long enough for Stiles to breathe sigh of relief and think himself home free before adding: “You know, next Sunday maybe you should ask Derek to join us instead of hiding in the closet.”
Stiles spat orange juice all over his plate.
End.