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Being you hits you like a brick. A slow motion brick, that you see coming but don't have the energy to avoid. You simply watch as it crashes into you, and you open your eyes to find that you are you, and you feel incredibly heavy.
It's dark in your room. Your face is heated and your brain is unfocused. Making sense of anything seems like too much effort, and instead you focus on the burning pain in your left arm.
The blood has dried and been crudely wiped away. The same paper towel used to scrape away bits of blood has cleaned the haphazardly tossed away knife that you have no interest in owning or using.
The cuts are never deep enough to accidentally kill, but always deep enough for the curious to get a delight out of watching the skin separate where a blade had so cleanly sliced. They are never cleaned up.
You would feel better if this was to torment you.
Instead you rub your tender arm, and you wince, but you do not complain. You're the only one privy to these episodes. The only person they ever trusted with these thoughts is far, far away, and even he never got all of the gritty details. Like you, he only ever woke up knowing of the aftereffects, and like you he was concerned, and like you he never wanted to see them like this, but like you he never complained. They would not ever be a burden - both of you had decided that.
You stand up and stretch out a little. You find out, as you always do, that stretching your arm is a bad idea, and you use your other one to scope out the disastrous underside of your bed for a bottle of peroxide.
They have always limited it to a single arm for your sake. They refuse to leave scars anywhere except where they already have, as the best courtesy they can offer. They refuse to do anything that could kill the both of you, too, and you smile at the thought while groping an empty ramen cup. They limit themself for you, and one day, you are certain, they will never put a scar on you again.
You find your treasure, and make sure every leftover fleck of blood is dabbed away with cleaning solution. It stings, and you know that they would bear this pain alone if they could.
But they could not.
So you gently place a collage of bandages on each cut. Their favorite starry ones stand out against your bright pink ones, and you work to create a perfect balance.
Now, the fruits of your combined effort show all over your arm, and this time they are beautiful.
You call Alphys up. As much as you trust your mother, you've always felt like Alphys understands you on a deeper level. That, and she doesn't sleep at night either.
It takes her three rings to decide she wants to pick up, and immediately after she does she hangs up. You've established this as a code for when texting would simply be easier on all involved. It's for the best, anyway, given the hour.
[To Alphys?? - 12:48 EST]
having a bad time
what anime are you watching
[To Frisk (But sometimes Chara???) - 12:49 EST]
nothing age appropriate LOL
jk... but really i could start up a Mew Mewrathon if you wanted =^.^=
You let out a relieved sigh at the thought. Your nights always go like this after an episode. Neither of you got sick of watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, not after the first, second, third, or twenty-fourth time.
[To Alphys?? - 12:51 EST]
only if its season 2
[To Frisk (But sometimes Chara???) - 12:53 EST]
i'm blocking you on everything
[To Alphys?? - 12:54 EST]
youre so tsundere but youll never block out my love <3
You don't bother to change out of your pajamas, but you do throw on a stolen blue jacket and throw down an otherwise empty notepad hastily scribbled on with "Gone to Alphys'" onto your bed, and set off on your bike.
She lives nearby enough that normally it'd take you no more than five minutes to be out the door and to hers, but tonight the sky is exceptionally clear and you have to hop off your bike to stare at it because you almost fall over in your distraction.
When Chara is at their high points, they're constantly imbuing you with information on all subjects. From their leftovers you've learned to knit; to identify all the flowers that you now take a gentle seat in; and to pick out every constellation above you. On another night like this, you recall them tilting their head nearly upside down to clearly see the Big Dipper, and tonight you do the same. You recall their eyes twinkling just as sparkly as any star, the blurry picture on your phone that's meant to serve as evidence of their discovery, and the joy you felt when they simply had to show you.
You've shifted to laying on a hill, so you text Alphys upside down.
[To Alphys?? - 1:01 EST]
can you bring your laptop outside
[To Frisk (But sometimes Chara???) - 1:03 EST]
uhhh yeah totally gimme a minute!
noodles and laptop kinda don't mix well v.v
She manages anyway and puts the noodles on the sidewalk, her encased laptop on the ground, and herself by your side. You realize that she simply wants to lay on the ground with you for a while and you rest your head on her collarbone, using her view to point out all the stars.
"There's Dubhe... there's Merak..." Alphys is used to the strange things humans have on the surface that she'd never seen, but today is her first lesson in stellar names. You point out every single one you recognize and proudly announce that you learned all on your own that the moon is in a waning gibbous phase.
Alphys is completely awed by your knowledge. It seems to be new information to her that every star has a name, and she insists on learning them all.
But not tonight. Tonight is anime night. You're both aware that tomorrow will also be anime night, but you don't trifle, and under the dim light of the stars you marathon Mew Mew Kissy Cutie for the twenty-fifth time and eat lukewarm ramen for the two hundred fiftieth time, give or take, and before you know it you've fallen asleep with your face in the dirt.
---
When you wake up, it's to the sound of loud clattering, and before you can get your bearings you decide that you don't want to be here anymore.
You're aware that you're curled up under a blanket on the floor, and you're also aware that it's for a reason. As the first order of business, you establish your presence as Chara, and chance a peek out of the blanket.
You lock eyes with Alphys, and the memory of the night before floods upon you. You caress your right arm and where you expect to run across ridged cuts there are only smooth bandages.
"Are you... alright?"
Her stuttering voice breaks up your moment of silence and you push yourself up only to lock eyes with her wife, who's got a nervous grin on her face.
"I. Uh. Dropped a pan. So I guess we're getting pizza again."
Is that why you're here? Waking up with cuts all over and leaving your house in the middle of the night doesn't terrify them, but Undyne does?
You consider everything too quickly and double over in laughter.
You need no further introduction - even Toriel could hear your distinctive barking laughs from here, and Alphys straightens up to greet you. It takes her a minute before the two of you can confirm that pizza is, in fact, alright, and you form a blanket cocoon on the couch while you wait.
Alphys makes you some hot cocoa, the kind that you feel is a disgrace to real hot cocoa because it's made with water but that you put up with anyway, and you press the warm mug up against your wrist while she pushes you off to the side to make room.
You miss the next few minutes of her talking about whatever anime is coming out next month, staring at the carefully arranged bandages Frisk expertly covered your arm in to deter you from making things worse, and for now you allow it to work.
You tune back in while Alphys continues on her tirade, either unknowing or uncaring of the fact that you have no idea what she just said, and watching as she and her wife get incresingly enthusiastic. When Undyne's feet end up on the couch you scoot away to a nearby chair, fearing for its future, but before another of her couches can meet a disastrous end the pizza arrives.
It's not great pizza. It leaves a greasy residue in your mouth, the crust is soggy, and the cheese is subpar. But it's the finest of cuisine to monsters, who are gladly eating up their special variety, so you enjoy it and your watery hot cocoa while they talk about something or other.