Chapter Text
“Fuck, Joon. You’re kidding, right? This is a joke?” Hoseok tugs at his hair in worry, hands on his hips as he tries to regulate his breathing. Five seconds in through the nose and five seconds out through the mouth. “This better be a fucking joke,” Hoseok screams in the middle of his breathing, “You cannot be this stupid!”
Namjoon stares at his shoes as his boyfriend berates him, not even trying to defend himself because he has absolutely no defense. He fucked up. This is his fault. He nods as Hoseok continues shouting, ignoring the sound of the neighbors’ windows going up to listen in. The annoying humans are at it again, screaming in the middle of the night. Namjoon just knows that the fucking Elf from down the fucking street is probably watching them with a fucking notepad, writing every fucking thing down so he can file another fucking noise complaint. Fuck! “I’m sorry, Seokie. I got distracted and I…” He fumbles for words, sneaking a peek at Hoseok’s face which is still tinged red.
“No,” Hoseok says, shaking his head, finger wagging in warning. “Don’t try and be cute. Put the pouty lips away and don’t even start with the dimples. I will fucking strangle you.” Hoseok taps his foot as he watches Namjoon fix his face. “You lost our house, Namjoon. The whole fucking house.” Hoseok turns to the gaping hole where their house is supposed to be, gesticulating wildly. “Where the fuck am I supposed to sleep tonight? I don’t even have a couch to put you on!” Hoseok walks over to the pit where their basement should have been and just stares, grimacing in annoyance. “How can you possibly be so smart and so fucking stupid?” He’s back to screaming, kicking the sidewalks and glaring at the Enean family that is blatantly watching their demise from the house next door. “Having a good fucking time? Go to bed, Barbara!” Hoseok flips them off and even though he knows the gesture doesn’t hold the same weight as it does on Earth he feels slightly better.
“We should probably go to the police station,” Namjoon mumbles, afraid to look up again even as he watched Hoseok’s shoes face him.
“Oh should we? Should we really?” Hoseok shouts. Both hands are in his hair tugging hard now. He can’t wrap his mind around this. The whole fucking house? The entire thing? Foundation and all?
“Shut up!” Some neighbor has finally gotten sick of their show and shouts loudly, slamming their window immediately after.
“Suck my fucking dick, Jerry,” Hoseok screams. “Let’s go to the police station. I can’t fucking believe this.” Hoseok stomps away, not looking back to check for Namjoon because he knows that other man will follow.
*00000*
“So where’s the locator?” The cop is some sort of creature that Namjoon can’t quite place and he knows it’s rude to stare, but he’d really like to know what sort of being he’s putting his trust in.
“He doesn’t fucking know,” Hoseok says loudly, slapping his hands on the arms of the chair before leaning back with his arms crossed, glaring at his boyfriend.
“When’s the last time you saw it?” The creature is orange with little ears that flip around ever so often and Namjoon is having the hardest time focusing on anything the officer is saying. “Sir?”
“Great,” Hoseok grumbles.
“Oh.” Namjoon shakes himself out of his stupor, trying to look away from the little ears. “I...I put it in my jacket pocket before we left. We normally lock up before we leave.”
“And the jacket is?” The creature has clearly noticed Namjoon’s lack of a suit jacket unlike Namjoon had for half of the evening.
“I’m not sure,” Namjoon mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.
“He’s not sure,” Hoseok yells again, clapping his hands. “Mr. I won an award tonight for being a fucking genius, isn’t sure where he lost our house!”
“Sir, I’m gonna need you to relax.” The creature eyes Hoseok, narrowing his huge eyes slightly.
“Yeah,” Hoseok grunts sarcastically, “Let me just run a nice hot bath in my nonexistent bathroom!” He throws his hands up, standing up out of his seat and stomping away from the desk.
“He’s upset.” Namjoon shoots the officer a strained smile. “This is all my fault. I thought I locked everything like I do every time we leave, but I guess I forgot.” Namjoon sighs, running his hand over his face. “I’m really trying to remember the last place I saw my jacket, but I can’t.” He slaps his palm into his face, grimacing at the pain. “I just remember putting it on and that’s it.”
“It’s fine, sir,” the creature reassures him, “This is actually much more common than you think. I’m sure the house probably just floated through the wrong split. It could be trapped between dimensions or free floating in one of the galaxies next door. Just describe to me what it looks like and I’ll put out an alert for it.”
Namjoon sighs and starts to describe the house. He wonders if. maybe, his parents were right and he should have just stayed on Earth.