Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I love you, Laura.” Bobby muttered between kisses.

Laura pulled pack, eyes wide with disbelief. “What?” Half laughing, half confused.

“I said,” He kissed her neck, long and passionately, “I love you.”

Laura blinked at him and mulled it over. She slowly breathed in and out, retracing every step she took before falling into this situation. They were in Bobby’s car, a little paper bag on the floor. “Bob Cat’s present.” They filled themselves up through the nose until their brains felt like television static. And then they stretched out in the back seat, and forgot the world around them.

Laura twitched her head, the buzz wearing off with Bobby’s confession. His exhilaration slowed to a worrisome expression, one of a little boy. She swallowed and, holding back a tear, replied. “I guess… I love you too.” Bobby lit up and pressed his face into her, wanting to feel every bit as he did when they were at their highest. Laura squeezed her lungs. Her senses came and the night’s darkness screamed at her. She wanted to get out. Go anywhere but here. She wiped her eye and pulled Bobby in for a kiss.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

They fell into each other, deeper and deeper. Laura reached around for her jacket and pulled out a silver lighter. She held it up between them. “How much do you love me?” She flipped the lid open and sensually rubbed the switch with her fingers, daring it to spark. “How bright does it burn?”

Bobby gulped. He stared at her quietly and slightly shook. He wrapped his hand around hers. They flicked the switch, and out popped the flame, so close to their fingernails, it left a red mark on the both of them. Bobby breathed deep and pressed in once more. “Brighter than a fucking house fire.” They melded like clay, swathed in each other. Laura clenched the light tighter and tighter. By the time she closed it, her thumb had a bulging white welt.

Chapter Text

Laura swayed her hips to match the Hawaiian beat. Jacoby removed his bifocals to admire her more clearly. He reclined in his armchair, legs spread, and grinning from ear to ear.

“Magnificent! I would have thought you originated straight from Honolulu!”

Laura turned off the tape, then sat down on the couch. “Alright, Doc. Can we talk now?” She asked in a lurid manner.

“Yes, yes.” He moved to grab his pen and paper, then paused. “Actually, I, uh, wanted to talk to you .”

“Oh?”

“You haven’t been sending me any tapes lately.”

Laura sighed and grit her teeth. “I know. I’ve been busy.”

“With what?” He laid his hands in his lap.

She stopped to glare at him. “Work. I’ll make more when I can.”

He leaned forward and took her hand, stroking it. “Y’know, I find I’m getting tired of just talking through tapes. Maybe we should… move on from that?”

Laura recounted all the times he’d asked her this, or something similar, before. “Oh… I don’t know. I think you might get tired of me.” She tried to smile. “Besides, my voice is my best feature.”

“Laura… please.” Jacoby lowered his head and looked up at her. “You know how I love you.”

She gently pulled her hand away and mimicked the dance she did earlier. “Do I ever.” And walked backwards to the door. “Matter of fact,” She teased, sticking her hand in her jacket pocket and waving it around, “I actually have a tape on me right now. Real juicy stuff on this one.”

Jacoby got to his feet and beckoned to her. “Let me see it.”

“Patience is a virtue, Doc.” Laura opened the door and crept outside. “See you later.”

She walked in the dark, twiddling her fingers in the empty pocket. When she got home, she sat by her phone, waiting for his usual phone call. She thought through how her next tape would go, like a director for their next blockbuster flick. Something to tide him over for the next month or so, if anything she said was ever enough to keep him at bay.

At the same time, Laura wrote in her diary messages to a “friend” that could never get enough of her, no matter how much she tried.

Chapter Text

Red drapes fell around her. She detached herself from her mind to better please her customer, and get it over with already.

Ben Horne gazed at Laura through the mirror she fixed up herself in. She analyzed her laced lingerie. The Queen of Hearts, as Blackie deemed her.

“He’ll adore you, baby.” She said, and sent the new girl to her post. The look on his face when he found Laura in that room might have had its own laugh track, because it just seemed so funny to her.

“Come back over here.” He pleaded.

She wore a sultry smile, “More?”

“Oh, if only. But,” He laughed, “I’m afraid I’ll be too tired to stumble home.” He buttoned up his shirt, walked up behind her, and proceeded to kiss her ear. “I mean the things you can do. I never imagined… You’re so beautiful. So amazing.”

Laura said nothing.

“I remember when you were just a little thing.” He swam in nostalgia. “Maybe when I come back, you can sit on my lap, like old times.”

She faced him. “Is that all?”

He poked her nose. “Until next time.” Ben finished dressing and guided Laura over to the door to say goodbye. “Won’t tell Leland?”

“Consider my lips,” She ran her finger across her mouth, “Sealed.”

“Not for long, hopefully.” He winked and kissed her hand. “I love you.”

She let her arm fall loosely to her side. “Until next time.”

The moment the door closed, Laura went through her bag and took a snort of coke. Blackie made the rules very clear to her, no using and abusing, but she couldn’t give any less of a damn. Throw her out all they want, someone else will just pick her up. You work in one brothel, you work in them all. She had enough experience for every “queen” in the building.

Her stomach churned. She was scheduled to see Johnny tomorrow.

Chapter Text

The owls spoke softly to her. They hid in the trees, but she could see all of them and their hollow faces. The whole landscape around her blurred and melted to nothing. The stars above followed along the road, and so did the yellow eyes high up in the douglas firs.

James felt wonderful in her arms. She rested on his back as he sped the bike down their usual route. The faster they went, the less real he felt. A plastic mannequin in front of a green screen. She squeezed harder and buried herself in his leather jacket.

“You alright?” He called to her.

“Yeah, I’m just,” She said, “Feeling a little nauseous.”

“Want me to pull over?”

“That’d be fine.”

James parked the bike behind a closed down retail store. Laura walked into the empty street to watch the stop light change. Yellow, red, yellow then red. She concentrated on it to see if she could make the time between the changes slow down or speed up.

“Won’t they ever fix this damn light?”

“I don’t think it’s broken.”

“‘Course they don’t think that.” She spun around on her heels. “But it is. They just don’t wanna do anything about it.”

James hopped off the bike. “C’mon, move outta the street. You’ll get hit.”

“Cars don’t come this way. At least not at this time.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because,” She strolled over, reached her arms out and began playing with his jacket zipper, “I know everything .”

James giggled. “Alright then, miss oracle. Can you give me the answers for my exam tomorrow?”

Laura poked her tongue into her cheek and swiveled her shoulders side to side. “Bull Run, 1812, a noun is a person, place, or thing-”

James laughed harder. “I don’t think that’ll help me on a math test.” His eyes sparkled in the beam of the lamp post. Laura gazed at him, first lovingly, then simmered down to a tired stare.

She brought out a laugh. “Not with that attitude.” She twirled around the intersection, eyes closed, and letting the yellow-red glow drench her. The faint sound of an oncoming truck shook the cracked asphalt beneath her. Twin lights, growing larger in size, barreling toward her. James shoved her to the ground. The blaring truck horn passed them and raced down the road with the driver shouting something at them they couldn’t hear.

“Laura, what the heck was that?!” James helped her to her feet and shook her shoulders. “You could’ve gotten killed!”

Laura watched the truck turn to a gray dot in the night before answering James. “I could have, huh?” She tilted her head. “Weird.”

“Something’s up with you. I’m taking you home.” James clutched Laura’s arm and pulled her to the bike. They drove all the way back to her house through a forest shortcut. Laura’s heart flew from the close call, letting it pump blood into her already throbbing head. Impressions of the truck lights flashed in her vision. She curled around James to ease the pounding.

They pulled up front, the house sitting in darkness atop the hill, looking taller than it did the last time Laura saw it from that angle.

“You get some rest, okay? Better hurry inside before anyone sees us.” James looked to her. She was still fixed on the house. “Laura?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s gonna be alright.” He gently cupped her cheek. “I love you.”

Laura felt the burning of tears behind her eyes. She covered her face and grabbed James by the jacket collar. “Oh my god.”

“What?” He asked.

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Why not?” He leaned in. “Please tell me.”

Laura bit her lip and searched for something to say. She choked on her words. “Forget it. I’ll see you later.”

James frowned and watched her hop off and stand still at the bottom step of the walk way. She eyed each window, panel, and shingle.

“Laura,” He spoke up, “I’ll wait out here until you get inside the house.”

Her head fell. The blood that earlier rushed through her curdled in their veins. She quietly said to herself, “It’s not my house anymore.” And walked up without turning back.

Chapter Text

Her mother made her favorite. Scrambled eggs, apple pancakes, bacon, sourdough toast, and a tall glass of orange juice on the side. Laura recognized the smell all the way from her room, but no muscle in her wanted to race down stairs. Everything ached. Instead she took the time to get dressed, pack her bag, and try to make herself presentable, despite feeling like she hadn’t showered in years. Her reflection grew dark circles and sagging wrinkles, accelerating to an old crone people would laugh at behind her back. She rubbed her eyes and sluggishly made her way to the dining room.

She peered around the corner to find no one at the table. Dishes clanked around in the kitchen and the cigarettes in the ashtray were still blooming smoke. Laura grabbed a pancake and some toast and began stuffing it in her mouth. She just about reached the front door when her mother stopped her.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna be late, mom.”

“You’re not running late, it’s early.” She corrected, and started another cigarette.

Laura grinned anxiously and took out the half eaten pancake. “Donna and I are gonna race. She’s probably got a head start on me.”

Her mother folded her arms and frowned. “You’re not gonna race if it means letting this food go to waste. I went to all this trouble.”

Resigned, Laura pulled out a chair and sat down. “Is there an occasion?”

“Your father and Mr. Horne have a big meeting with some investors, so we should start the day off nicely.” She insisted. “And stick around to wish him luck.”

Laura checked around her from the vacant living room to the kitchen. “Where is he?”

“Getting the car ready.”

“Okay.” She nibbled at her food in awkward silence. Her mother took long drags between each bite. Finally, the back door slammed open and closed, and Laura’s father walked into the kitchen, dressed in one of his nicer suits. He caught her eye in the doorway and smiled wide. “Morning, honey! You finally decided to join us?”

“I had to, Dad. It’s a school day.”

“Right, but sometimes I feel you might just sleep through the whole day, sweetheart.”

“I wish.” Though she didn’t entirely mean it as a joke, her father chuckled. Her mother’s attention stayed on her dwindling cigarette. He tapped Laura on the head with his newspaper and took his seat across from her.

“Sarah, are these apple?”

“Yes. You know they’re Laura’s favorite.”

“Well, as I recall, she’s not the one with a very important meeting on her hands.” His enthusiasm completely vanished. Laura saw her mother tense up.

“Well, why don’t I make you a new batch, then?”

“It’s fine.” And he took a large bite of his eggs.

The room turned cold, and so did the food. The only sounds were the the clicking of the silverware against the china.

“Laura, chew with your mouth close.” Her father commanded.

“I am.” She barely had to look up at him to see the irritation in his face. “Okay.”

Laura’s mother picked up her father’s empty plate. He got out of his seat to stand in front of the mirror and fix his tie. Then he rolled up his newspaper and pecked his wife on the cheek.

“Bye, honey.”

“Drive safe.”

“I will.”

He approached Laura and kissed her head. The faint feeling of those lips, and the hand he placed on her shoulder, made her throat close. “Have a good day, sweetheart. I love you.”

Laura took too long to respond. “Laura…” He removed his hand and stood beside her, waiting.

She looked up at him, then to her mother, and back. Her mother’s eyes grew in alarm.

“I love you too, Daddy.”

He grinned, and walked out the door. She listened to the sound of his footsteps on the porch, then the car driving down the street, fade off. Laura looked down at her plate. Her food was barely touched.