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"Close the iris,” Hammond called as he descended the last few stairs into the control room and came to a stop beside Walter.
He watched as the security teams filed into the gate room and tried not to let his worry show. None of the teams currently off-world were due to return until the next morning.
"Any IDC?"
"No, sir. There's no – yes. Receiving SG-1's IDC, sir," he quickly as the code flashed across the screen.
"Open the iris," he ordered, before he moved to the intercom and requested a medical team stand by. It was SG-1 after all and they were famous for finding trouble where none existed. He turned back to face the shimmering blue event horizon when a damp-looking Daniel, Sam and Teal’c steppes through the gate, followed by one very wet and incredibly annoyed–looking Colonel O'Neill.
With a frown, the general headed for the gate room and met the team at the bottom of the ramp.
"You weren’t due back until tomorrow SG-1. What happened?"
He was greeted with silence as they exchanged glances. When he looked closer, he noticed that they appeared to have been caught in a rainstorm as their BDUs clung to their bodies. He glanced down and took a half-step back when he saw a large puddle of water at his feet.
"We're fine, sir," Carter finally answered with a small smile as her gaze drifted to the medical team.
Hammond dismissed the medical personnel and turned back to SG-1 just in time to hear Jack mumble, "Maybe you're fine, but I'm certainly not."
Daniel lifted his arm and ran the damp sleeve of his jacket over his face before he tried – unsuccessfully – to dry his glasses with the cuff. He looked sheepish and avoided eye contact with Jack, while Sam appeared more amused than the archaeologist as she chewed on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing as her commanding officer started to wring out his cap over the general's shoes. After a wince and a mumbled 'sorry, sir,' from Jack, the General looked to Teal'c and noticed that he was virtually dry. And if he looked closer, he would swear that the corner of his mouth was turned upwards in a smile.
He sighed. "Colonel, do you care to explain why you're back so early, and why you seem considerably more – wet – than your teammates?"
A chorus of sniggers met his words.
"Mission was a bust, sir," Jack answered gruffly as he glared at Daniel and Sam. "There was nothing of any value on the planet. No civilization, no old rocks for Daniel to read and drool over –“
He turned his head slightly and put a finger in his ear to try and dispel of the water that was in there. “Even Carter's doohickey found nothing out of the ordinary with the soil," he finished.
"Very well, but it still doesn't quite explain your current appearance, Jack."
Hammond cast another glance at his flagship team and once again noticed their amusement.
"We, ah, got caught in a storm on the way back?"
The general sighed. "Briefing room. Now."
"Start from the beginning, SG-1," he said as he took a seat at the head of the table.
"We approached the mission the same as we usually do, sir," Carter answered. "After an initial scan of the area, we moved out, had a look around, found a suitable place for camp and then secured the surrounding area. Colonel O'Neill and Teal’c remained on watch as Daniel and I worked."
Nodding his head, Hammond turned to Teal’c, who was situated to his right, as he confirmed the Sam’s report.
"Major Carter and Daniel Jackson only had a few hours to explore before nightfall, he added. After dinner, a rainstorm approached. Nothing else eventful occurred as we took our designated watch."
"Right," Daniel nodded. "Then, this morning – after breakfast – Sam and I had been working for a couple of hours when Jack told – or rather ordered – us to take a break."
The archaeologist’s gaze fell to his hands. "Jack was, ah, starting to get a little bored by this stage."
"Colonel?"
"The storm lasted most of the night, sir," he answered with a casual wave of his hand, causing water drops to land on the table.
"And that relates to your boredom, how, exactly?" Hammond asked warily, knowing all too well the trouble Jack could get himself into if allowed.
"There was nothing to do there," he answered defensively, before he decided to tack on a "sir". "Everything was wet. I couldn't even take a load off because the ground was saturated and just a pile of mud," he grumbled.
"Indeed. O'Neill appeared most annoyed at the planet's weather conditions."
"Dare I ask how you – alleviated – your boredom, colonel? Bearing in mind you were on a mission."
"I was ever the consummate professional, sir."
At a sudden stifled laugh-turned-cough from Sam, the general turned back to Teal’c.
"As Major Carter and Daniel Jackson resumed their work, O'Neill and I began discussing the nature of a certain Tau'ri holiday –"
"It was Teal'c's idea," Jack interrupted.
"– wherein one celebrates their friendship with another human by splashing them with water," Teal’c finished.
Silence filled the room as a bemused, and slightly frustrated Hammond, replayed the Jaffa’s final sentence over in his head. "What?"
"Teal'c has a calendar in his quarters, sir," Carter explained.
"Which – by the way – Daniel thought was a good idea to buy," Jack cut in, throwing a glare at his friend.
"It was a present just after Teal'c left Chulak. It was to help him understand some of Earth's customs better!" Daniel replied in exasperation, as Sam drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
"What, '365 holidays you never knew existed'?" Jack shot back. "There's probably a good reason why we never knew they existed, Danny Boy."
"Well, you should know after your little demonstration," Daniel answered with a smirk.
"Gentlemen!" Hammond barked from his seat. "Major, continue. Please," he all but begged.
Sam nodded slowly. "Well, sir, according to Teal'c, today was, ah..."
"National Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day," Daniel supplied a little too happily.
"Thank you, Daniel," Jack growled.
George glared at the man sitting to his left. "Colonel! You are a decorated Air Force officer. You were also off-world on an alien planet. For your sake – and my sanity – please tell me this isn't going where I think it is."
Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat as his BDUs stuck to the leather upholstery. "Not exactly, sir."
"Which means?"
"Teal'c was having issues with part of the, uh, holiday’s description," Daniel offered.
"I simply enquired as to why one had to jump in a puddle to signify their friendship."
"After a bit of a discussion," Daniel continued carefully. "Jack decided that, ah, it was probably just for – fun."
"Shut up, Daniel."
"I'm just relaying our mission," he defended.
"General," Sam cut in, before her commanding officer had a chance to respond – again. "It's true. Teal'c had never encountered this – tradition – before, and Colonel O'Neill, being the –"
"Easy," he warned.
"– good leader that he is," she said with an apologetic grimace in his direction, "offered to show Teal'c how to... jump. In a puddle. And splash your friend. Sir."
Wide eyes flew to Jack in a rage.
"It was only a small puddle, sir, and Teal'c picked the concept up pretty quick," Jack argued quickly before he leaned back in his chair. "He's an astute guy."
"It was a most enlightening and entertaining learning curve, General Hammond."
"That still doesn't explain why you are currently dripping all over my base, Jack."
Straightening, he turned deadly serious and if Hammond didn't know any better he'd swear the man was nervous. "Uh, well, you see –"
"It turned... competitive, sir," Sam answered, her blue eyes twinkling brightly with mirth.
"I beg your pardon, major."
She bit her cheek to stop herself from smiling, and sent Daniel a look of gratitude when he answered on her behalf.
"Teal'c was creating a larger splash than Jack. So, Jack – naturally – began looking for larger puddles."
The general closed his eyes as he tried not to mutter an expletive at the childish antics of his second-in-command.
"There were a line of puddles marking our route back to the gate," Teal'c voiced after a moment. "O'Neill claimed 'shotgun' to the puddles on the right-hand side of the path, and informed me that mine were on the left."
He paused and looked at O'Neill pointedly.
"Things were fine with the first three puddles, sir," Jack started only to stop when movement from the corner of his eye drew his attention. When he glanced to his left, he saw Carter's shoulders shaking and a smile on her lips.
"It wasn't that funny. Major," he warned.
"Oh, I beg to differ. Colonel," she giggled.
Daniel also started to chuckle, which turned out to be the proverbial straw.
"Does someone want to get to the point and tell me what the hell happened out there?"
"Jack misjudged his final… target," Daniel answered.
The general frowned. "Misjudged?"
"Indeed,"Teal'c confirmed with a tilt of his head. "O'Neill's puddle was much deeper than he anticipated."
Hammond looked at the man in question and noticed the distinct discomfort – and embarrassment – on his face. And suddenly everything started to click into place. Despite the ridiculousness, not to mention inappropriateness, of his officer's behavior, he felt himself siding with the remaining members of SG-1. He kept his voice neutral, but somehow already knowing the answer, asked: "How much deeper?"
Jack flung his arms out wide in a 'what do you think?' gesture, which only served to draw another bout of laughter from his teammates.
"The colonel jumped into the puddle, sir," Carter answered, her voice wavering as she tried to contain her laughter, "but the hole in the ground was deep. So deep that –"
"The water came up to his shoulders!" Daniel finished with a snort before he doubled over with laughter.
"We managed to pull O'Neill safely from the –" Teal’c paused as he thought over Jack's terminology, "motherfu–"
"Puddle, Teal’c. Just – it was just a puddle," Jack quickly answered as Sam started to choke at the colorful language.
"Jack..." Hammond trailed off, at a loss for words.
"Yes, sir?"
"Is that what happened?"
He grimaced before shifting in his seat. "Yes, sir."
Nodding slowly, the general pursed his lips. "I see."
As the details of the mission had been shared and re-lived, he could now – almost – see the funny side. It didn't mean he was about to let Jack off the hook, however.
"Is there anything you would like to add, colonel?"
Jack opened his mouth to speak, only to snap it shut when Carter lightly nudged his elbow.
"No, sir."
"Alright. Go and get cleaned up. Dismissed," he acquiesced, pushing his chair back from the table. Sam and Jack followed, but the loud squelching sound emanating from the latter sent another round of laughter floating through the room.
"I'd like to have a word with you in my office in thirty minutes, Jack," Hammond said sternly.
He sighed. "Yes, sir."
With that, the general headed to his office, when he heard Jack coolly say, “It’ll be fine.”
He smirked to himself. "Oh, and colonel?"
"Yes, sir?"
He turned to face the younger man.
"Next time, watch your step. We can't have you creating too much of a splash across the galaxy after all," he chuckled, before he disappeared into his office, leaving three amused members of SG-1 and a very disgruntled Colonel O'Neill behind.