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Fear of Falling Apart

Summary:

Theo is used to dealing with Tara's illness. He's been doing it all his life, but hopefully with one last bone marrow transplant she'll be cured. Then maybe, just maybe, he can have some kind of life that doesn't completely revolve around hospitals and doing every possible thing to avoid germs that could be passed to his sister. He could go to real school, make friends with people his own age, maybe, even meet a boy.

 Or

Hospital AU where Tara has cancer, Theo is her bone marrow donor and Liam is doing court ordered community service.

Notes:

Title comes from the song This is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco.

I plan to have an update about every 2 weeks. That is my goal, please don't hate me if I don't meet it.

Chapter 1: Delinquent Candy Striper

Chapter Text

#

Dr. Geyer pressed the button for the sixth floor then anxiously tapped the door close button. He completely ignored the whiney shouts of “Dad!” repeatedly coming from down the hall. Despite his efforts a short blond haired blue eyed teen slipped in before the door closed. “I can't wear this!” He helped up the pink and white striped apron.

“You can. You will. Maybe next time you start to lose your temper you will think of this and remember to do some of the exercises your therapist has been teaching you.” He put the apron over his son's head and straightened the clip on volunteer's badge. “You will also be thankful that the judge accepted the plea for probation, therapy and community service.”

He lowered his eyes. Shame colored his face. “Yes, sir.”

Dr. Geyer put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You know, I'm very proud of you. You’ve worked hard, made progress, and never once tried to blame others for your actions. You're a good kid, Liam.” The teen gave him a small smile and mumbled his thanks.

---

Theo woke up groggy. The metallic taste of anesthesia in the back of his throat. His hips hurt. Slowly he tested his ability to move, and how much pain each movement caused. Better than he expected. Maybe, with a little help and luck he could keep that promise.

There was a quiet knock at the door. A boy poked his head in. “Hi, I'm just visiting people at random.”

He was adorable, all blue eyes and shy smile. Theo burst out laughing. It turned into a dry cough. The boy rushed to fill a cup with water from the picture on the rolling bed table. Water sloshed onto the bed, and the teen started to panic. “It's okay,” he rasped taking the cup. Once his throat was wet he continued, “who did you piss off?” He pointed at the apron.

The cute boy flushed with anger or embarrassment, Theo couldn't tell. “My dad said it was hospital policy. He's a doctor here so he should know.”

“Well, I've seen many volunteers here.” He flicked the visitor badge. “You're the first candy cane.” Theo looked around the room. “Will you help me with something, candy cane?”

The cute boy straightened up. “Liam, not candy cane, and Yeah, that's what this whole community service thing is about, right?”

Theo gave him an appraising look. “Liam,” Theo said to test it out. He nodded. “I'm Theo. Hand me that backpack over there.” He pointed then turned his attention to the IV in his arm.

Liam brought the bag to Theo’s bed. “Uh, should you be taking that off?”

“It's just saline.” He pulled out a pair of jeans and slipped then on under his hospital gown. The gown came off next and Liam couldn't help but stare. He did not look sick. He was buff, buffer than Liam and Liam spent a lot of time in the gym and playing lacrosse. Theo caught him staring, and smirked.

“What are you doing?” a nurse asked. She wore maroon scrubs, her dark hair pulled back in a half ponytail.

Theo gave her a charming smile and pulled his t-shirt over his head. “I'll drink a Gatorade, Melissa. I have a promise to keep, please.”

She frowned, then shook her head. To Liam she said, “I told your dad we were all in trouble if the two of you ever met.” To Theo she said, “I saw nothing. As far as I know you are in bed. Take your meds and drink at least two Gatorades.”

Theo pulled a large sports drink from the backpack, and used it to swallow the pills she gave him. “You're the best! Seriously, you're my favorite nurse ever.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just go slow, and don't fall.” With a last shake of her head Melissa left.

He moved a little stiffly putting on his shoes and slinging the backpack over his shoulder. “Look in the hall. Do you see a woman in her forties, grey suit, looks like she's been constipated for a week.”

Liam had his head out the doorway. “No one like that,” he said.

The two boys went slow. Theo making stiff, careful steps. He kept a hand on the wall for support. Each corner he made Liam look for the constipated woman. Liam paused at one corner, “now when you say constipated, you mean angry, and kind of scrunchy faced, right?’

Theo rolled his eyes, but before he could say anything he saw the lady Liam had described coming down the hall. He hid behind Liam, and slipped into a bathroom. “You're a terrible look out! What the hell kind of delinquent are you?”

“I'm not a delinquent!” Liam's face turned red.

When the woman got in the elevator Theo started walking again, still slow, but no longer trying to be stealthy. “You said community service, earlier. People who volunteer at hospitals for altruistic reasons or on the job training call it volunteering. It's only called community service when ordered by a judge.”

Liam started to argue, but froze, “okay, you got me there, but it was a one time mistake, I'm not, like a bank robber or anything.”

“I doubt they give bank robbers community service, but they might make them wear that apron.” He stopped at a room with a clean cart. The sign on the door said gown, gloves, and masks were required to enter. Theo hit Liam in the chest with a paper yellow robe. “You get to go from candy cane to banana.”

Once they were suited up they entered the room to see a girl in her late teens sleeping. She was pale and thin. Her eyes were sunken. Theo gaver her hand a gentle squeeze. “I helped you sneak out to visit your girlfriend,” Liam sounded annoyed. “Why aren't you wearing a mask?”

“She's not my girlfriend. She's my sister,” Theo said as he pulled up a chair. “I'm not wearing a mask, because she already has all my germs.” He pulled a handful of bright colored permanent markers. After selecting a blue he made a curved line down the side of her head.

“You can't do that!” Liam nearly yelled. “She can't consent if she's sleeping!”

Theo gave him a sad look. “Her last remission lasted almost a year. She grew her hair down to her shoulders. Last night I promised her I would draw her something pretty to make up for losing it.” His smirk was back, “She asked me to draw on her head, but mom, the constipated woman, said no. Tell me if someone is coming.”

Theo had to keep moving, and gently turning her head to get all the skin covered. He had just started the last part when the door opened.

Dr. Geyer looked around the room. With a heavy sigh he mumbled something about Melissa warning him. “What are the two of you doing?”

Theo spoke first without looking up, “I'm keeping a promise. The delinquent candy striper over there is failing at being a lookout.”

Liam groaned. “Delinquent candy striper,” the doctor repeated with a chuckle. “Your mom is going to love that one, Liam.”

The boy made a small whimper. “I'm never going to live this down am I?”

“Nope. I'm still surprised how easily I won the bet about getting you to wear that apron.” The two boys looked at him, Theo amused, Liam shocked. “Are those blue and purple lilies?”

“Yeah, her favorite flower in her favorite colors. The dog thing is supposed to be a coyote, her favorite animal, but I couldn't get the snout quite right.” Theo smiled as he critiqued his work.

The door opened again. “Theo!” a stern woman scolded, “what are you thinking? Where is your mask, and don't even think of rolling your eyes at me.”

Theo closed his eyes to keep from rolling them. “She got my bone marrow an hour ago, pretty sure she's already got my germs.”

“And you haven't talked to, or been around anyone since then? You've been in a completely sterile environment?” She held out a mask for him. As he reached out to take it she saw the markers. “I specifically told you not to draw on Tara. You don't know where the markers have been or if chemicals in the ink could affect her in some adverse way. How could you be so careless with her? She's not strong like you.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Dr. Geyer wiggled an eyebrow at Theo, “the markers won't harm her at all, medically speaking. We have a local tattoo artist that comes in sometimes and draws on some of the kids. He usually goes for an arm. I don't think he's ever drawn on someone's head, though he did do a very cool dragon on a six year old boy's chest one time.” He shrugged. “And speaking of disobedient teenagers, Mrs. Raeken, this is my son Liam. He's volunteering on the floor today.”

Mrs. Raeken took Liam's offered her a hand, and they exchanged a polite greeting.

Theo stood stiffly and kissed his mom's cheek, then put on his mask. “I'm sorry. I just didn't want a repeat of last week's freak out, and I talked to Melissa about it earlier. She told me the markers were safe. These are also new so Tara's skin is the only thing they've touched.”

“I'm still mad you didn't talk to me first.” She sighed. “Go, get out of here. I'll think of a punishment for you later.”

“Liam, help him back to his room, don't spend all day just visiting him. There are lots of kids on the floor, some haven't had a visitor in a week or more,” David ordered. “Theo, get back in bed. Given this excursion, I want you to get a nap before you're discharged this evening.”

“Yes, sir.” Theo gave a mock salute, and the boys were gone.

---

The two boys started slowly back to Theo's room. Silence stretched between them. Liam kept opening his mouth to say something, but no sound would come out. What was he supposed to say? This guy was too hot. Liam was afraid to look at him, but he really should say something. Compliments are always good. Think of a nice compliment. “I like your coyote.” Why that? What the hell kind of complement is that? “I mean, the one you drew on your sister's head. It did look like a coyote. I mean, you're a pretty good artist.” Theo was smiling at him now. The super hot guy is laughing at me, he's just too polite to do it out loud.

“Thanks,” Theo said, smiling with confidence he didn't feel. His heart raced. This adorable guy is flirting with me. Oh my God! He's flirting, badly, but still flirting. “How many hours of community service do you have to do?”

Great, he thinks I'm just a trouble maker. “Five hundred.” Liam bit his lip.

“Will they all be at the hospital? Tara is going to be here at least the next six weeks, and I'll be spending a lot of time here. Maybe the next time you are given visitor duty we could hang out.” He smiled again.

“I'd like that. Maybe we could even hang out sometime when I'm not, you know, serving the community.”

Theo pulled his phone from his backpack. Handing it to Liam he said, “put your number in. I'll text you so you have mine.” Theo sat on the bed and kicked off his shoes. Taking the phone back he looked at his new contact. “Dunbar? Not Geyer?”

Liam blushed, “the sperm donor's name. He was supposed to sign some papers so I could change it when my mom and dad got married, but he didn't so I had to keep it.”

They heard Melissa call from the hall at the same time Liam's chimed a text. “I'd better go, but I'll text you later.” He looked at his phone and blushed a little. The message was just Theo's name with a winking kiss emoji. “Thanks.”

---

Theo came out of the bathroom, his hair still damp. “Thanks for packing some of my pajamas in your bag,” he said through the mask.

Tara smiled, and her whole face lit up. “I hate spending the first night alone. Thanks for staying.” She slid over giving Theo room. They settled in on their sides facing each other. “We're getting to big for hospital sleep overs.”

“I could always sleep in the chair,” he offered.

“Don't you dare!” She pulled the blanket up over them. “Thanks for the drawings. How bad did Mom take it?”

“Not too bad, thanks to Dr. Geyer. She took my phone. Unfortunately, she took it when I was texting this cute boy.” At Tara's insistence he told her everything he'd learned about Liam.