Chapter Text
Jeongguk is practically tearing at his partner’s wings, the desperation overtaking him to keep Taehyung by his side.
“Taehyung, we can’t just abandon this assignment! It’ll be over soon, just wait a little while longer.” Jeongguk reassures making sure the other understands by tightening his grip on his shoulders.
“No, I-I can’t be here anymore. It’s too much, I can’t handle it.” The elder angel sobs burying his face in his hands. “We have to go back before we do something stupid.”
Something flares up in Jeongguk’s mind that has him revolted at the thought of going back to heaven, to that place that takes away your freedom, your free will, your desires, your choices. Compared to here down on earth, he feels like a prisoner up there. He’s had hope that after this assignment was over he’d abandon everything to stay on earth where he can do whatever he wants. There’s no way in heaven and hell that he’ll go back, not after everything he’s been through and he won’t let Taehyung do the same.
“Go back? Are you fucking kidding me?” Taehyung stares at the younger angel stunned. “You wanna go back there and act like a lifeless slave? They take away your emotions, Taehyung and you don’t even fucking realize it!”
Taehyung breaks free of Jeongguk’s hold, his expression furious. “At least they take away my suffering! It’s all coming back to me, Jeongguk, I thought I was strong but I’m not. I’m going back.”
“Stop it, Tae. You’re not weak for feeling these things. It’s human nature—“
“We’re not human, Jeongguk! Get that in your head!”
Jeongguk scoffs at his statement. They were human once, hundreds of years ago when they weren’t under the influence of a higher power. Where they were being judged by it but it never interfered. It’s still a wonder how Jeongguk was deemed fit to be an angel but for Taehyung it was his calling. Jeongguk now realizes he hates that calling.
“Human… angel… as if there’s difference.” His voice lower. “Don’t you miss what it’s like to be human? To live a life of your own?”
Taehyung shakes his head frantically as if trying to block out Jeongguk’s words. Jeongguk never knew how Taehyung died, or why he died. The reason for his death being linked to his will to live, or rather, his lack of a will. Heaven’s judgement of entry is probably the shallowest judicial system he’s ever seen but the day Taehyung was judged was Heaven at its purest form. Despite ending his own life, he was welcomed with open arms. He was free of his pain, he was livid, finally he was excited for something. Earth gave him nothing but suffering but Heaven took that away from him. It took Taehyung centuries to muster up the strength to even ponder the idea of going back to earth. He always took the smaller assignments that never endangered his sanity. But that day when Jeongguk asked him to join him on his trip down to earth, he just couldn’t say no and he couldn’t understand why. Being on earth made it clear though and he regrets it immensely.
“You don’t understand, Jeongguk… you won’t understand.” Taehyung takes a second to calm himself down and breathe, choosing his next few words carefully, voice stern. “I’ll finish this assignment with you. But once we’re done, that’s it. If you wanna stay then stay. Don’t drag me with you.” His voice strains at the last sentence, speaking against his own desires but it doesn’t matter what he wants, he needs to be away from earth the sooner the better.
Ever since being on earth, Jeongguk has been looking at Taehyung in a different light. He feels his heart swell at the sight of his smile and his stomach lurch at the sound of his laughter. And he knows Taehyung feels the same about him. It’s an addicting feeling to Jeongguk, he feels purpose when he looks at Taehyung. It’s a euphoric sensation, something Heaven was supposed to provide for him but all he felt was emptiness. He knows that the longer they both stay on earth they won’t be able to hold back their feelings toward each other. He’s already overtaken with the urge to just grab the angel and kiss him senseless, he knows it’s what they both want. The weight of the Heavens off their shoulders allowing them to feel what they’ve been deprived of.
It’s almost as if Heaven keeps their emotions bottled up and locked away in jars stored in vaults in the bowls of hell never to be reunited with their person. But on earth, they have no protective shield over them (as if their emotions are a danger to them) allowing them to just feel. However, being an angel, it comes back a hundred times harder, their feelings a thousand times stronger, a million times more urgent. Soon enough all Jeongguk wants to feel is Taehyung, his touch, his lips, his hands on his body.
“We have to go back before we do something stupid.” Taehyung’s words echoing through his mind. Stupid, like falling in love with each other? He knows that’s exactly what the elder was referring to and it stings a little. To think that he sees their relationship as a stupid temptation as a result of being on earth for too long. The truth is they’ve loved each other all this time. Ever since they both entered Heaven their souls were matched but locked away forever. And it’s sickening that they had no control over who they chose yet it’s still forbidden in His word. It’s the only reason holding both of them back. So fuck Him.
The next few hours feel like days. The urge to reach out to Taehyung and just tell him how much he wants him getting stronger. They’ve hidden their wings now as they walk among the humans, the pain of hiding them starting to take a toll on their energy. There are times when Jeongguk wonders what even the point of this assignment is.
It’s a race of power between heaven and hell and Taehyung and Jeongguk were sent down to put it to an end. They were told another wave of humans were taken under Lucifer’s wing, providing them with whatever they desired most in exchange for their loyalty. He needs soldiers, he needs messengers, slaves, spies, people to do his dirty work. He took a handful of humans and turned them into monsters. He called them ilainus (il-lay-nus or eye-lay-nus); the result of an attempted recreation of an angel (the process to obtain his own far too tedious and never in his favour) only to be left with a horrid creature of devilry. They hide among the humans recruiting more and more to join his villainous army. An army that the heavens have yet to understand what it’s for but they know it’s never good.
The two angels had spent a solid week observing the earth and the humans getting an understanding of their behaviour before finally coming up with a lead. They met a guardian angel whose human was abducted by an ilainus and never came back. They were to meet up with him today to discuss it in more detail.
The two walk side by side, their hands snug in their pockets as their arms brush against each other. The touch feeling like electricity to them both but Taehyung doesn’t dare let it show. But he knows Jeongguk can sense it, his heart rate picks up its pace at the thought of the younger even feeling that way for him. This is wrong. He shouldn’t be like this, have his mind fogged with want and desire, it’s blocking his sight of things. He needs to focus on the task at hand but how on earth is he supposed to do that with Jeongguk looking at him like an animal observing it’s prey? How can he keep his mind clear when all he wants to do is pin the other against the wall and finally get the contact he’s been itching for since he came down here?
Taehyung gets lost in his thoughts quickly, his body moving on autopilot. It’s when his shoulder collides with a passing stranger that he feels a sudden pull on his waist, his body now flush against Jeongguk’s with a protective grip on his mid-section. Jeongguk keeps his sight in front of him guiding the two to keep walking. While Taehyung can’t help but stare at the younger, a baffled look on his face.
Taehyung nudges his shoulder into the other’s side signalling him to let go. It takes him a few more moments before he finally does, the phantom touch on Taehyung’s waist lingering. He doesn’t dare think it but he knows he misses the contact, how secure he felt in Jeongguk’s hold.
“Are you okay?” The younger asks with concern laced in his tone. His gaze never once falters from Taehyung’s face.
The elder refuses to return the eye contact finding comfort in staring at the sidewalk beneath him. The sound of his footsteps against the pavement drowning out the rapid thuds of his heart against his chest… his heart?
“I’m fine, thank you,” the elder responds, his voice flat. He swallows down the urge to look back up at the angel whom he knows is staring his wide sparkling eyes straight into him reading his every move and expression. He does his best to stay unreadable.
They finally reach their destination in front of an industrial café; a red brick interior with a loungable loft just above the kitchen connected by a metal spiral staircase. There is a large black chalkboard behind the counter with the menu written on it as well as adorable little doodles of desserts, snacks, and coffee littered on the margins. Almost every corner is graced with a touch of greenery, succulents on the tables and window sills, potted plants in the corners, shrubs hanging from the loft rail. And the front door is garnished with a quaint little bell at the top that signifies a new customer every time it rings.
“I’ll go order, you go and find—“ Jeongguk starts.
“N-no! I’m staying with you.” He blurts out feeling a weight pull down at his heart at the thought being separated from the younger. “Uhm, it’s best we stick together whenever we can,” he reasons, trying to cover up the heat spreading across his cheeks.
“Alright…” he agrees softly suppressing a smile.
Jeongguk orders a chai tea latte and Taehyung orders a hot chocolate. They only wait a few minutes for their drinks thanks to the store being practically empty. When Taehyung takes his first sip he’s suddenly reminded of a Christmas party in his primary school days. Well actually, he ran away from the party to go to the library and when he got there he cozied up by the odd fireplace and began reading the night away. The librarian came over to him later on with a fresh mug of this same hot cocoa with the intention of wishing him a Merry Christmas. He feels his heart warm at the memory. No, he doesn’t have a heart.
After retrieving both of their drinks they head upstairs the spiral stairway. Immediately they spot a young man sitting alone with his own mug and a plate of macaroons staring out the window. Taehyung approaches him with caution but friendly nevertheless.
“Excuse me? Jimin?”
The angel’s gaze shifts immediately at the mention of his name.
“Taehyung. Jeongguk…” he says a little bit baffled.
“Thank you for meeting with us.” Jeongguk adds.
Jimin nods and smiles sheepishly. “Please sit.”
Jeongguk takes a seat across from the guardian angel, Taehyung seated at the side of each of them. Jeongguk takes a moment to examine the boy noticing the dark circles under his eyes and his chapped lips that he nibbles on from time to time. Odd.
“Jimin, how have you been feeling?” The younger asks.
He starts fidgeting with his mug, tapping his nails on the ceramic material. “Oh, I’m not sure. Strange, I guess. I feel h-heavier? But i-it’s not because my assignment is gone.”
“You’re looking very human.” Jeongguk concludes with a blank expression.
“Jeongguk!” Taehyung interjects.
“N-no! It’s fine…” the other angel begins to scratch on the table. “I think I’ve just b-been in my human form for too long.”
“Right…” Jeongguk leaves it at that deciding not to dwell on it for too long. It doesn’t make complete sense but that’s not what he’s here for today.
“Jimin, can you tell us about your assignment? Your human?” Taehyung asks.
“Sure… sure…” he intertwines both his hands together and rests them on the table in front of him, “uhm, her name was Tammy. Thirty-two years old. Wanted to support her family back in Daegu; they’re farmers. She worked two jobs, took every shift she could. I thought she was really hardworking but she never put herself first. So then one day I showed her a poster to the art gallery. After that, she… she just won the fucking lottery. Stopped working. Went out more. I tried to follow her b-but I j-just couldn’t—“
“What do you mean you couldn’t?” Jeongguk questions.
“I was incapable.”
“But that’s impossible.” Taehyung declares.
“It was the ilainus.” Jeongguk concludes.
“I guess you could say that.” Jimin folds his arms across his chest and leans back in his chair making himself look small, his eyes glossy. “She had black eyes one day - her irises - but then they were green the next day.”
“What’s her normal eye colour?”
“Blue.”
Jeongguk and Taehyung share concerned looks to each other as if communicating with their eyes.
“Look, I-I don’t know the full extent to these things. I don’t know what they can do. But I know it’s making earth a dangerous place.” Jimin warns, “earth isn’t what it used to be.”
Taehyung’s suspicions from earlier, his paranoia that he managed to suppress suddenly come running back to him. “W-what do you mean?” He sputters, his breathing becoming shallow.
“Earth is losing, on average, 43 people a week to these ilainus. That’s more than double than last month. I-I’m beginning to think that it… it senses the abnormalities. It’s trying to balance out the population.”
“How do you know this?” Jeongguk questions.
“I’ve been down here for 800 years, Jeongguk.” He counters, suddenly angered. “You told me I look human? It’s because earth is taking back what’s theirs. If I’m down here for any longer, best case scenario, I become human.”
The pounding thuds against Taehyung’s chest only worsens, the pace picking up speed. What is that? He can’t have a heart, it can’t be.
“W-why haven’t you gone back?” His voice is shaky.
Jeongguk can feel his partner’s discomfort, his anxiety. His eyes never leave the side of Taehyung’s face after that as he places a protective hand on his forearm.
“I…” Jimin notices the unwavering stare Jeongguk has on Taehyung, the tight grip on his forearm. He can almost see the desire in his eyes, the need to keep him by his side. “Because I have a choice now…”
The younger angel practically jolts out of his concern shooting a glare in Jimin’s direction, worry now setting in his expression.
“Wait—“ Jeongguk tries.
“My first instinct was always t-to… to report back to the heavens whenever something is wrong. Always! But now it’s gone—“
“Jimin, stop—“ Taehyung pleads.
“—I’ve been on earth for so long but this time it’s by my choice—“
“No, it’s not– Jimin, we’re taking you back—“ Taehyung is close to sobbing.
“No! Not in a million years will I go back there!”
Jeongguk stares in awe, eyes blown wide, taking in everything he’s just heard. He’s not the only one. For once, someone else is voicing what he was too cowardly to admit to anyone else. But now that it’s been said, now that he realizes how real it feels, he doesn’t know what to choose.
“Please! You’re not thinking straight—“
“For once I’ve never been more sure of anything! Jeongguk, I know you feel the same!”
“Jimin, stop it!” Taehyung weeps.
“Jeongguk, you want to be here. You want a life of your own. You found love—“ Taehyung stares at the younger angel awestruck, “—what’s holding you back? Huh?”
They take a moment of silence, waiting for Jeongguk to respond. Taehyung is crying beside him praying that he says something, anything, to deny Jimin’s accusations. Taehyung already knew Jeongguk wanted to leave but now that they’re both faced with the reality of it, it’s too much of a burden to bear.
Jimin stands. “I told you everything I know. Don’t look for me.”
He marches off down the stairs leaving the two to sit and rethink everything they’ve ever known. Soon after, the bell on the front door sounds, Jimin is gone.
Jeongguk sits frozen in place, his eyes glued to the wall across from him. And it’s then that he realizes Taehyung never looked away from him, his glossy eyes never wavering begging for him to say something. The younger finally returns his gaze, his eyes immediately glossing over at the elder’s pleading look because he knows what Taehyung needs to hear but it’s not what’s true. He holds his breath trying to find the right words that won’t send the elder into a mental breakdown and have him running away in disgust. However, the longer he looks into Taehyung’s eyes he doesn’t see anger, he sees fear.
“Taehyung?” He breathes out hunching over.
Taehyung places a hand over his chest biting on his lip to suppress a sob. Tears spill down his cheeks as his face strains from crying out. He doubles over resting his head on Jeongguk’s arm weeping quietly to himself. Soon the younger realizes that this cuts deeper than just losing an angel to earth. It’s the guilt, being torn in half between what’s right and what’s wrong.
“C’mon,” the younger encourages picking him up to stand, “let’s get somewhere private.”
Taehyung nods, following Jeongguk out the café. He keeps his head down avoiding the attention from passing strangers.
They find a quaint motel and book a shared room together. Sitting in the peace and quiet of the motel almost convinces them they’ve blocked out the rest of the world; everything in this room is only between them and no one else, ignorant to the fact that the heavens have been watching over them the entire time they’ve been on earth. On assignments like these, angels are welcome to come back to the heavens to rest and recover although at this point, going back seems like a one way ticket. They’d never come back down, they’d lose their right to feel, they’d never resolve their feelings for each other, they’d lose each other forever to the love stricken rules that Heaven enforces.
Taehyung’s relieved to see two separate beds in the motel. Even though he wants nothing more than to be curled up in Jeongguk’s arms, he can’t let his desires overtake his duties. He’s not sure how much longer he’ll be able to hold back and if there had been only one bed, he’d lose his self-control a lot sooner than later.
They really don’t need to sleep, the only purpose of this motel is to have a shelter away from peering ears and eyes from the public. Jeongguk sits cross-legged on his bed, his mind flooded with confusion, feeling lost. He needs to talk to Taehyung… about anything, he doesn’t care he just needs his voice.
“Tae—“ The younger starts turning his attention to the other angel.
He’s taken off his shirt, nothing but his bare chest for Jeongguk to ogle at, letting his wings spring free from his back. The younger stares in awe, feeling a heavy weight in his chest and his mouth almost salivating at the sight. He swallows down the urge to grab him and mark up his body.
Taehyung looks at him through furrowed eyes, a stare so deadly it makes Jeongguk hold his breath. “You gonna keep your wings hidden?” He asks.
“Right…” he blinks back. The truth is, it’s no longer painful keeping them hidden. The immense pressures on his back that came with hiding them are no longer there, the heaviness that always dragged behind him now lighter than air, the blood that stains his shirts after forcing them beneath the surface of his skin dried out, the wounds healed like they were never there and he should be concerned about it but he honestly doesn’t care. There’s no pain anymore.
Jeongguk strips off his jacket and shirt, his torso on full display and suddenly from behind himself he hears Taehyung gasp. He hears him blurt out an urgent “don’t move” and as he complies he feels warm delicate hands on his back, fingers dragging along the non-existent wounds. His skin crawls at the touch, goosebumps protruding along his arms. A heart that he didn’t know he had beats a thousand times per minute getting caught in his throat. He’s nervous for all the wrong reasons; where he potentially lost his wings but he’s only focused on the electricity that comes with every touch Taehyung gives him.
“Jeongguk,” he warns softly, “we haven’t even been here that long.”
Taehyung should be mortified. He pays no mind to the excessive amount of touch between them, tracing his fingers along the smooth expanse of Jeongguk’s back. He should be worried for him. His skin is so smooth, so perfectly tanned. He has a single freckle on his left shoulder blade that the elder pokes at in curiosity. Mindlessly, he licks his lips and steps closer to the other, practically breathing down his neck (quite literally).
“Are they gone?” Jeongguk asks trying to relieve the tension.
“Like they never existed…” he declares softly.
Jeongguk thought the elder would lash out, yell at him for looking more and more like a human, acting like a human. But he just stood there in awe at the irony of everything. Jeongguk just lost his wings but he’s never felt more free than he does right now. Jeongguk turns around to face the elder, missing the soft strokes on his back but the sparkle in the other’s eyes make up for it. Taehyung has his wings on full display, giant and blinding white, strong, much stronger than his own; they can take him anywhere, lift him as high he wanted. Taehyung curls his right wing around them, closing them into each other. The younger reaches out to stroke at the feathers.
“Does it hurt?” Taehyung asks as Jeongguk distracts himself.
“No…” he breathes, eyes lingering on the feathers in his hands.
“You don’t even care, do you?” He accuses, cupping Jeongguk’s jaw in his hand. Jeongguk shakes his head slightly. “This doesn’t make any sense.”
Jeongguk shakes his head once more holding Taehyung’s hand on his face. “Just let it happen, Tae.”
“Why are you turning so much quicker?” Taehyung inquires mostly to himself than to anyone else, bringing both of his hands up to hold the younger’s face.
Jeongguk ignores that a major factor to his sudden transformation is the fact that he wanted it.
“We should take you back. You’ll recover much better.” Taehyung starts to pull away from the other breaking their intimacy. But Jeongguk’s grasp on the elder’s wrist never lets up.
He guides the elder’s hand to rest on his chest, showing him the way his newfound heart beats for him and only him. Taehyung’s breath hitches at the feeling, his own heart that he denied its existence of beating faster than it ever has all day. The younger angel senses that and presses his cold palm to Taehyung’s chest, the elder shivering at the touch. When they look at each other, Jeongguk sees remorse in the elder’s eyes. He shakes his frantically just before Jeongguk speaks.
“I just want it to stop…” he pleads, the pounding in his ears only getting faster.
“Hey,” Jeongguk whispers in a comforting tone, “listen, listen to mine—“ he presses the elder’s hand further into his chest making sure no beat goes unnoticed, “—just listen.”
Taehyung feels his pulse under his fingers finding a soothing rhythm to listen to. It calms him down a little and soon his own heart beats in unison with Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk relaxes his grip on the elder’s hand letting his palm travel from his chest to his collarbone and slowly up to the side of his neck. The younger’s own hand on Taehyung’s chest now settling on his hip.
Taehyung looks into the other’s wide sparkling eyes, he really looks this time, getting lost in the deep ocean of desire that they hold. He leans in closer, breathing in the other’s scent. At the same time, he feels the weight of his wings lighten. Jeongguk snakes his arms around the elder’s waist, his firm hands settling in place of Taehyung’s long forgotten wings. His back now free but his chest heavy; the weight has shifted as did his priorities. And for the first time in over 300 years did they finally feel arousal. Want. Need.